Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Seireitei Serenade ❯ Achin' fer a Threesome ( Chapter 3 )

[ A - All Readers ]

3) Achin' fer a Threesome
Pairing/characters: YoruichixUrahara, Ichigo, Renji, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Hitsugaya, Matsumoto, numerous others
Description: Fur will fly. But Yoruichi and Urahara don't care, as long as they get a threesome. Request.
Warnings: Hentai, language, spoilers for SS arc, some crack.... okay, a lot.
Rating: T
Authoress' Note: I honestly don't remember who requested this, so if it was you, lemme know. That way I can put that down....
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"Oh, Yoru-chan!" Urahara hummed, waving his fan idly. "We never have any group fun," he stated with a pout, peering out at her from the gap between his fan and the brim of his hat.
Yoruichi looked up from where she was cleaning her paw. "What kind of group fun?" she asked, eyes gleaming mischievously.
"Oh, you know!" he whined. "With people!" He snapped his fan shut and leaned forward, unconsciously shoving his hat up a bit. "I want a threesome," he announced.
A second later, the fully human, fully naked form Yoruichi lay on the table, grinning at him. "Kisuke, I think that's a splendid idea!"
As if on cue, Hitsugaya Toushirou walked in at that moment. He was going through some papers in his hands, obviously distracted. "Where's Ikkaku?" he asked, stopping but continuing to read through the papers.
"Why?" Urahara asked, tilting his head.
Yoruichi recognized the gleam in his eye and grinned.
The prodigy looked up. "He hasn't turned in his re... port..." He frowned, just now noticing Yoruichi's lack of garments. "I see I'm interrupting," he stated. "I'll go look for him elsewhere." He turned on his heel and started for the door.
"Oh, wait!" Yoruichi cried, hopping off the table and draping herself over the boy captain's shoulders. "You're not interrupting at all! Come, come! We want to show you something!" She tugged him backwards as she attempted to get him to the table.
"We can show such a wonderful, naive young mind the joys of a threesome!" Urahara added.
Hitsugaya scowled, shunpo'ing out of Yoruichi's grip and to the back door, calling over his shoulder, "No!" before disappearing outside.
Urahara pouted. "Who's next?"
Yoruichi pondered for a moment. "Ichigo could be fun," she suggested. "We could show him the same, plus we'd get to devirginize him!"
Urahara tilted his head, considering. "I dunno... He's my teishi, Yoru-chan. Isn't that perverted?"
She gave him a blank look. "You're already a pervert," she pointed out.
"Oh, that's true," he agreed. "To the Kurosaki clinic!"
Yoruichi dressed quickly and they left.
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"No. Go away," Ichigo stated before Yoruichi could even open her mouth to ask him.
"Aw, c'mon! You don't even know what I was gonna say!" she protested, watching as he filled out a strange looking hospital form.
He shot her a glare. "I don't need to know. Whenever you and the geta-boushi show up anywhere together, it's a bad sign. Now beat it." He filed the form in a folder labeled 'disjointed limbs' under somebody named Urameshi.
She pouted and glanced at her partner-in-hentai. He could only concede the boy's point, shrugging. She straightened and glared at Ichigo. "I don't care!" she proclaimed, causing the strawberry boy to look up apprehensively. "I wanna three-some!"
Unfortunately, both Yuzu and Isshin walked in as she said that and Isshin gaped. "No! Ichigo, say it isn't true!" he screamed, covering Yuzu's ears. "Not with that... with that... Thing!"
Yoruichi deflated, then scowled at Isshin. "Who're you calling a 'thing'?" Threats weren't needed with that glare.
He tossed his head unnaturally for a moment, until Yoruichi realized he was trying to motion toward Urahara. "He's not a thing!" she protested, glare increasing. "Keisuke is a very respectable man! He's honorable," there was a cough at this. "Honest." Two more. "Kind." Yuzu shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to point out the dishonesty of Yoruichi's argument, "and loving!"
Karin coughed out a 'bullshit' cough as she passed through the room, ignoring the withering glare Yoruichi sent after her.
Ichigo sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Go bug Renji. I'm sure he'll be interested."
Urahara grinned as the idea took hold. "And he lives with us!" he said victoriously. "We don't have to stop at just once!"
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"But I live with you!" Renji protested when the idea was presented to him later that afternoon. "That would just be so... weird! Not to mention it's with... with him! No way I'm bangin' anyone in the same room as Urahara-san!" He shuddered at just the thought of such a repulsive idea.
Yoruichi pouted at his firm refusal. "But it would be fun!"
He shook his head, red strands sparkling in the afternoon sun. "Go talk to Ikkaku. I heard he's into that shit," he grumbled. "I gotta make a report da taichou."
When they finally found Ikkaku, he was sitting on the roof of Keigo's, wooden sword slung over one shoulder, arguing with Yumichika.
"You're fuckin' nuts," Ikkaku accused his best friend as they approached.
Yumichika shook his head. "No, no. I'm telling you, Shirou-taichou said they were going around, asking people to screw around with them!"
"Why would-" It was then that he caught sight of the approaching duo, and his eyes widened. "I take it back, I think Hitsugaya-taichou might've had something; here they come."
"Maa, Ikka-chan, Yumi-kun!" Urahara greeted, smiling. "How are you two today?"
"No," Yumichika sniffed before either could offer. "You've traumatized poor Shirou-taichou, and he's hidden himself in Orihime's closet- it was the closet, right Ikkaku?" When Ikkaku nodded, he continued. "I will not tolerate such behavior!"
Yoruichi pouted. "Geez, you sound like my mother," she grumbled. "Better go apologize to Shirou-kun, huh Keisuke?" Urahara nodded, also pouting. It didn't look like they'd get their three-some today after all.
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"We just wanted to apologize to him!" Yoruichi snapped, putting her foot in the way as Matsumoto tried to close it.
The strawberry blonde paused, watching them suspiciously. But when she seemed to be sincere, Matsumoto held open the door wordlessly and followed them into the living room where Hitsugaya and Orihime were playing a game of Go. Hitsugaya looked up as they entered and scowled.
"What are you doing here?" he demanded irritably.
"Apologizing," Urahara answered, looking - for all intents and purposes - contrite.
Hitsugaya made his move then crossed his arms and waited for them to do so.
"Sorry," they chorused. "We didn't mean to scare you," Yoruichi added.
He frowned. "I wasn't scared," he denied stoutly.
"Yes you were," argued Urahara.
"Was not!" Hitsugaya snapped.
"What was this about a threesome?" Matsumoto interrupted, ushering the two toward the door before the argument could escalate.
Yoruichi considered trying to gain her to their cause and by the look in Keisuke's eyes, so was he. "Well, you see..."
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Hope you liked it! R & R! I take requests, so feel free to drop by and gimme one!