Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ She Will Be Loved ❯ Chapter 14 ( Chapter 14 )

She Will Be Loved

 

By Tituba

 

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any Bleach affiliates.

 

(A/N: Well, nothing big to say here. Oh, I chose the college I want to go to. Beans for me.

Also wanted to give a shout-out to smilie09. Your review made me smile.

So, tell me what you think. Hugs and kisses, Tituba.)

 

 

 

 

Chapter 14

 

The moment Rukia entered the school yard on Monday morning nearly everyone in sight stopped their conversations and looked her way. She told her cheeks not to warm when a few girls and boys stared at her for a few minutes, and then began talking in lower, hushed, whispers. She passed them with her head held high but that didn't stop the flood of rumors from reaching her ears. They were mostly false, but no one could dispute the claims that she had kissed Ichigo Kurosaki, a boy who already had a beautiful girlfriend.

 

She walked up slowly to the front steps and raised her head when she did so. Her friends stood in their normal spots on the steps. Chad was leaning casually against the concrete, Ishida was sitting with his back impossibly straight, Keigo was bouncing up and down near the bottom, and finally, there was Orihime and Ichigo. Only there was something extremely different about their attitudes today. Orihime was not latched onto his arm like any other normal time, instead, they were both on separate sides of the steps. Ichigo was quiet and staring down at the ground, his feet shuffling occasionally. Orihime was chatting amiably with Keigo but Rukia could sense some tenseness in her voice, it was not completely vacant, like normal, but nearly practiced and hard.

 

They could see her approaching them and for once in her life, Rukia did not raise her hand to greet them and pull back her lips into a fake smile. Instead, she simply nodded her head in return and began to walk up the steps. Her footsteps tapped lightly and she scuffed them gently against the stone. Her friends were quiet as she passed them by but she didn't pay any mind. Even Keigo had stopped talking. Chad nodded to her and she guessed it was his way of saying… something, she nodded in oblivious return and continued on her way.

 

The classroom was quiet when she entered. Her teacher, Ms. Ochi, was there already, prepping for the day. Rukia greeted her when she came in and her teacher gave her a strange look, and then waved her away as if Rukia was some type of annoying flea. Rukia chuckled softly at the action and sat down in her seat. She reached into her bag and pulled out a book. She had at least fifteen minutes until class began.

 

Students began filing into the classroom but Rukia didn't look up from her book. Still, she couldn't seem to stop her mind from egging her peripheral vision towards the edges of the classroom. She saw two bright heads of hair come inside, one of them was long and glossy while the other was short and unruly. Her eyes were trained on the unruly head as he slowly detached himself from his girlfriend and walked to his seat.

 

Rukia's gaze trailed over his body as he went to go sit in his seat. She knew that he could sense her stare on his back. She saw the hairs on the nape of his neck prickle upwards and she quickly averted her eyes. His head turned a bit and he glanced at her momentarily. Rukia tried to stop her palms from sweating but found it futile. She couldn't help it; he simply brought on those types of reactions inside of her.

 

Ms. Ochi began class shortly, after a couple announcements about homecoming, some tittering from the females in the classroom, and sighs from guys, she began talking about the science project that was coming up.

 

“Each of you needs to create a replica of an animal cell—be creative, use foam boards, bake a cake, make a giant cookie, but it must be correct, all the organelles must be accurate. I don't want to find parts of the cell that don't actually exist in your project.” Ms. Ochi said severely. “And if you bake something… make sure that none of us die from food poisoning.”

 

A couple people in the class chuckled and Ms. Ochi picked up a list. “Alright, now… partners…” She clucked her tongue and was ready to read off sets of names when she was promptly interrupted by Rukia's waving hand.

 

The teacher frowned and looked up, “Yes, Ms. Kuchiki?”

 

“Ms. Ochi,” she said clearly, “If it isn't too much trouble I'd like to work privately on this project.”

 

The class drew in a collective gasp and Rukia immediately saw the back of Ichigo's neck turn a bright shade of red. Stares were being directed at him as well as Rukia. Her voice, however, didn't falter, nor did she retract her statement. Ichigo's eyes swerved to the side and he glanced back at her, his gaze barely grazed her skin but she knew that he could see the determination and steel inside of her eyes.

 

After a few moments of staring at the list, Ms. Ochi nodded and shrugged. “I guess… yeah. I can make the group of three a group of two and have you work by yourself…” she looked up and smirked, “Finally getting rid of your orange-headed twin I see.”

 

The class snickered and both Ichigo and Rukia blushed hotly. She guessed she had been stuck to him for ages. Ever since they came into high school they had been joined at the hip. Even after he had started coming to her they still did projects together, were on the same team during gym, and ate lunch together. It was only natural that Ms. Ochi would presume that perhaps she was angry with him or just wanted space away from him. No doubt she put them as partners for the project either.

 

Throughout the day Rukia had to deal with occasional snickers, glares, and whispers directed towards her, all concerning the kiss she had spontaneously demanded of Ichigo. It seemed that the entire school knew about how she acted last Friday. There were also constant rumors flitting around everywhere explaining her week-long absence from school. Some said that she had gone to have an abortion at a clinic in Tokyo, others said she had tried to run away, and even more said that she went to a health spa to have her face transplanted but changed her mind only moments before the operation. When Rukia heard these rumors she simply sighed and wondered why humans had been given imaginative brains.

 

When lunch time came around Rukia left with the rest of the class but instead of going towards the lunchroom she headed outside. The bright, sunlit, air warmed her skin and she smiled softly as she breathed in the fresh wisps of late October scent. A few people were scattered on the lunch lawn but she paid them no mind. She walked over towards the edge of the courtyard and stepped in front of the largest tree in the entire school.

 

She smiled softly and slid her wrist through the handle of her lunch box. Her bento was stuffed inside of it so the food wouldn't fall out. Placing her feet softly on some of the grooves in the trunk she wrapped her fingers around two branches and began to pull herself up slowly. Her knees scraped against the wood but she reveled in the tiny scratches. It felt nice to have her skin opened like that. She felt like she was eight again, just climbing a tree for the heck of it, Haji calling from the bottom, telling her not to go too high.

 

When Rukia reached a large, solid, protruding branch she situated her legs to make sure that her skirt didn't ride up her body and that she didn't slip off of the tree. Once her form was settled she reached into her lunchbox and pulled out her meal. Her chopsticks flowed seamlessly into her hands and she began to eat, enjoying the new view.

 

Everything looked smaller when she was up in the tree. She could see people milling around the lawns but it was mostly at an angle. Their hair styles were less obvious since she was looking down but she could still recognize certain people. She smiled and picked up a small roll of sushi, placing it in her mouth with a small sigh. How long had it been since she had stopped enjoying the simple pleasures of life? A nice breeze on an autumn day, delicious tasting food, sitting up in a tree… all of these things seemed to have disappeared.

 

Her eyes drifted towards the school and finally settled on the window to the cafeteria. She stared through the glassy barrier and found herself looking for a tiny glimpse of orange. Not that she'd find it or anything, there were too many people inside for her to pick out his head, plus she couldn't see all the way inside, but still, it was nice to think that she might be able to see him.

 

Her eyes closed briefly and she continued eating her lunch. She couldn't believe how… relieved she felt. It was comforting not to be around people who forced her to be someone she wasn't. Looking back on it now she realized that she hated all the fake smiles she had to give away each day. She detested every mundane conversation that she continued when she wanted silence. She loathed the times when she actually had to listen to everyone else speak about annoying subjects, all because she was afraid of being accused of being inattentive.

 

Now she was alone, it was quiet, and there were no voices niggling at her ears save the occasional twitter of birds.

 

Lunch ended too soon for Rukia's liking. She gently scaled down the tree and earned herself a few more cuts, they weren't serious but a few of them bled. She continued walking to class though, oblivious of the trails of crimson liquid that slithered down her limbs.

 

She walked into class with a small smile on her face, fresh air, she decided, was definitely something that she would be getting each day at lunch, perhaps even during winter, if she dressed properly.

 

A few people were gathered around their desks, chatting while they waited for Ms. Ochi to return from her own lunch, she was always a few minutes late, but no one really minded, they enjoyed the free time.

 

Rukia walked to her desk and sat down on the edge, glancing outwards towards the window and staring at the tree she now decided she was going to eat in each day. It was an old thing, at least one hundred years or so. She liked the way the gnarled branches twisted against the blue of the sky. The leaves were all shades of orange and red and even a few purple ones spattered the area.

 

“Rukia!”

 

Rukia's head jerked up and she blinked her dazed eyes. She knew that voice… that annoying, bubbly, constantly noticeable voice… she sighed and turned towards the door. Orihime was standing there with a gaggle of boys behind her. Rukia blinked again and cocked her head to the side. She never noticed it before, but she and Orihime were the only two girls in a group with four very different boys. Now that she was the estranged one Orihime was the only female. Rukia sighed and wondered if they would adopt another girl to take her place. Honestly, she wouldn't mind, she just pitied the girl who had to be around Orihime all the time.

 

Orihime's eyes, however, were not on her face, neither were Ishida's, she saw, or Chad's, or even Keigo's. Her face felt like lead as she moved towards Ichigo's face. His was the only one that was staring at her face. When she looked up at him his eyes stayed on hers she felt startled, the intensity of Ichigo's gaze was hot and almost… angry. His stare seemed to be glowing with heat and Rukia immediately felt her cheeks tinge with pink. For the first time since she left for Hiroshima, she looked away from him, not the other way around.

 

Instead, she followed the gazes of everyone else and glanced down at the floor. No, not the floor, she glanced at her legs and then let out a small noise, something like a sound of recognition with a dash of surprise added to it. The little scrapes she had gotten on her legs were deeper than she had initially thought. Blood streamed down her white limbs in little stripes, there were at least seven of them, a few of them were still going on while others had clotted.

 

“You're bleeding!” Orihime cried, her face paled and she turned to Ichigo, burying her face in his shoulder. She kept stealing glances at Rukia and then whimpering again. Rukia stared at her lamely and honestly couldn't figure out how Orihime could make the blood of someone else her own affliction. Was it a skill?

 

“Rukia,” this time it was Ishida, “You should go to the nurse, those might get infected.”

 

She looked down at her legs and sighed, moving up from her desk. “Might as well.” She shook her head and shrugged again, “It's not that bad.”

 

Rukia began to walk towards the door and was about to pass by her friends when Ms. Ochi took the opportunity to stride into the classroom and order everyone to their seats.

 

Most of the students scrambled immediately towards their desks but Rukia stood still. Ms. Ochi moved to the front of the class and began to shuffle her papers. Rukia was still standing near the door. Ishida, Chad, and Keigo had moved back to their seats, but Ichigo and Orihime were immobile. Orihime kept looking nervously at Ichigo while her body twitched, indicating that she was clearly eager to get back to her seat. Rukia turned her head away, knowing that Orihime would rather die than get into trouble with the teacher. Ms. Ochi was actually one of the only teachers who treated Orihime normally on an everyday basis, every other teacher seemed to skirt around her so as to keep her constantly bubbly and happy, none of them seemed to want to bruise her precious feelings.

 

Ichigo loosened his arm from Orihime's and nodded her towards her desk. She frowned at him softly, her big brown eyes open fully and her lip drawn out into a pout, she looked like she was asking him for his permission to sit down. Ichigo simply looked away and she smiled, taking that as some sort of admission. Rukia watched as the orange-haired girl slid into her desk, humming softly; she never truly noticed how dim Orihime truly acted.

 

True she said things that could be considered dull but Rukia had never truly paid attention to the way she carried herself. Orihime always wanted someone to tell her good job. She was always waiting for a pat on the head or a little nod of congratulation. She was dependent upon others; she needed them to feel important. Rukia swallowed and looked away. For some reason, the revelation fell uncomfortably in her stomach. She had been like that for the past year. She had always wanted someone to tell her she was doing something right. She used to need people to say it just so she knew that it wasn't her fault that Ichigo didn't love her. None of it could be her fault. He didn't love her. That was his problem. Not hers.

 

Ms. Ochi finally looked up from her notes and was ready to begin class when she saw that Rukia and Ichigo were still vertical.

 

She frowned at them and pushed a brown lock of her hair away from her face. “You two, get into your seats please.” Her wording told them that it was a request but her tone told them that it was a demand.

 

Rukia turned fully to her teacher and pointed down at her legs. “May I go to the nurse?” She asked, her voice was dull, almost bored.

 

Ms. Ochi raised her eyebrow at Rukia's legs and sighed, “I guess… since you are bleeding.”

 

Rukia nodded and began to walk towards the door. Ichigo was standing in her way. She began to move around him when his voice broke through her mind.

 

“Ms. Ochi, I'm going to go with Rukia… just to be safe.” He said, his voice was low and soft and he looked towards her when he said it. Rukia didn't glance his way but her body slowed fractionally as she continued on.

 

Ms. Ochi simply waved her hand and began her lesson. Ichigo walked towards the door, his hands in his pockets, his head bent slightly. He brushed past Rukia and she felt his arms brush hers only for a moment. Her skin tingled and she swallowed hard, willing her legs to move forward. She was in control of this situation, she told herself determinedly. She was just walking with him. Their legs moved as one and their bodies cast shadows against the stone floor.

 

The nurses' office was on the other side of the school and Rukia knew that by the end of their journey she would be exceedingly uncomfortable. She hated being with him like this. It was simply too tense. She and he were no longer close… in that way. She had told him no. She had refused him. He had had his chance.

 

Rukia sighed and shook her head, hell, he still had a chance. But knowing Ichigo it would take him months to figure out what he needed to say and even longer for him to actually say it. Yet the same was not true for when he actually did things. Ichigo was still the same, impulsive, reckless Ichigo he had always been, charging headfirst into situations where the outcome could cause him harm. That was something that was never going to change.

 

Their walk to the nurses' office was horrifically long. They simply stood beside each other and walked in silence, not even bothering to look up, down, or even to the sides for fear of possibly catching the other's gaze.

 

For Rukia it was especially irritating. Not only was she walking beside a person whom she was trying to avoid, but her legs were beginning to sting. It was as if his presence was having some sort of effect on her cuts, making them hiss angrily and burn when he got too close. She tried to keep an appropriate distance between them but whenever she moved away he sidled up closer. At one point she nearly ran into a water fountain because of the ridiculous game they were playing. He just seemed to want to be near her. Rukia frowned when she thought of this; he always wanted to be near her. Wasn't that the reasons for his nighttime visits to her room? The closeness he felt with her? It was his need. She just wanted to be loved. She'd much rather have the distance and the affection instead of the closeness and the rejection.

 

“So this is how it's going to be from now on?” Ichigo murmured suddenly, his voice was low and just like his eyes earlier, gave off an aura of anger.

 

Rukia sent him a flickering glance, wary of his tone. “What do you mean, exactly?”

 

Ichigo scowled darkly, “You know what I mean.” He said cryptically as he continued plodding along. Rukia followed him and could immediately sense that he was angry by the increase in his speed.

 

Rukia frowned and felt her temper rising. It rushed through her veins like a poison but for once in the past two years she didn't bother to think of the side effects. It felt good, exhilarating even, to feel such anger against another person. It felt like old times, only better, because now she and he were truly talking like they used to, they were communicating, albeit through an argument, but it was still communication. She and Ichigo used to have arguments like this all the time, they would constantly be furious with one another: shouting, screaming, kicking, and punching, right now, she felt those old stirrings of irritation grow inside of her. And she reveled in them.

 

“No, I don't.” She answered shortly, her voice biting and sarcastic, her speed had grown to match his and she was treading dangerously beside him. “Why don't you fill me in?” She finished acidly.

 

Ichigo stopped in his tracks and swung around. The next thing that Rukia knew was that she was being pressed up against the school wall. The back of her head hit the cool window just behind her and her spine smarted maliciously upon impact. His right hand was gripping her left wrist hard while his free hand was holding the curve of her shoulder. He towered over her, his orange hair bright in the light that streamed from the window. His eyes were smoldering with emotions she couldn't quite figure out. She could see anger inside of them, definite rage, and… and something else, she just didn't know what. Whatever it was it made her draw in her breath a bit faster, made her heart beat just a bit quicker, and made her mind spin gently.

 

“Fine,” he whispered, his voice weren't eyes, they did not display the frustration she could see, instead, it was low and steady; it hummed through her bones and caused her body to want to melt. “You're going to keep avoiding me everyday… at all possible costs. You're going to eat out by your little tree and read your books in class and do your projects all by yourself. You're going to wait after school and walk home alone. You won't go to the dances. You'll go to the movies alone. You'll stay in your house and tell yourself that you're really doing these things because they're all necessary. You won't want anyone to help you. You'll want to be all alone in the world and you'll tell yourself it's for your own good. You'll tell yourself that you're just doing these things to keep busy, to wait until the spring comes when you can finally go off to college and you'll never have to see me or talk to me or be with me again.”

 

Rukia's eyes widened imperceptibly and she drew in a sharp breath. How could he…? How did he…?

 

“Others will try to reach out to you. They'll try and be your friends, hell, now with Hisana gone you'll need more of them.”

 

Her anger bubbled instantly and she jerked her wrist in his hand, daring him to let her go just so she could slap him across the face again. His grip tightened but she kept her muscles tensed, ready for a fight. Her eyes seethed with rage that he could bring up the death of her sister so casually. He had no right.

 

“But just like a typical Rukia,” he continued, bending his face even closer towards hers, “You'll make yourself a martyr.” He spat out the word like a curse. “You'll take everything on yourself and not even bother to confide in others. You'll make yourself an island even though you'll be surrounded by people who will willingly give you the attention and affection you need.”

 

“And you?” Rukia demanded instantly, her voice not even above a whisper, anger and hurt pounding through her blood, boiling near her brain. “What about you? Will you be there to give me my attention or affection?”

 

His body recoiled slightly but he still kept his hand on her wrist.

 

“Ichigo,” Rukia hissed, feeling the weight of what she was about to say come flooding into her chest. She didn't really know what she was doing. To be confronting him so soon after he said those things to her. It was almost crazy. But the time for sanity was well past its mark. She needed to tell him what he didn't want to hear. “When your mother died I was always there, right beside you, it didn't matter what time of day or what day of the month or whether I was tired or not. I never left you alone.”

 

He pulled back even further but this time it was Rukia's hand that grabbed a hold of his wrist, drawing him towards her, as if she needed him to listen and to understand and to just breathe the same air as she.

 

“And then you took something that I can't ever get back Ichigo. And no, I'm not talking about my virginity, I couldn't give a damn about that.” She grasped his hand and drew it to her torso, his fingers closed into a fist but she pried them open and placed them above her breast. Her heart quickened even more when she felt the warmth of his hand upon her beating chest; it was sticky and wet, as though his palms had been sweating only moments ago.

 

“Ichigo,” she continued, her voice was barely a choked whisper, “I love you. I've always loved you, I think that I've been in love with you since the first moment I realized what love was. But you used me, Ichigo. You did and you can't deny that. I've given up everything for you, my body, my heart… everything up until my sanity, and even then you're chipping away at that.”

 

“What I need, Ichigo, isn't to be surrounded by people or to be pitied by friends who know nothing about what I'm going through or to have false sympathies herded my way by people who think they know me. I need someone who knows me. Ichigo, I need you and I want you.”

 

His breathing had quickened to the point where he was panting silently. His eyes were fixed on Rukia's rapidly throbbing chest. Her heart was beating erratically and her body was striving to get the appropriate amount of air into her lungs. Amber seemed to burn through his hand and down into her heart, piercing the offending organ effectively until she was sure that she might die if he kept looking at her like that.

 

Slowly, she took her hand and she covered his. Her eyes averted from his face and she stared at their joined palms.

 

“I'm in love with you. That'll never change Ichigo. I've given everything I can possibly give.” She looked up at him with her sad, mournful eyes and he met them hesitantly. “What I need now, if for you to figure out what you want and what you need.” She swallowed and shook her head. “Because Ichigo… I'm only willing to wait so long.”

 

Something warm passed over her cheek and she started when she realized that they were tears. She always hated crying. Most of the time she didn't even know her eyes had welled up and the tricky little monsters slid by without a care as to whether or not she wanted them to. She took her free hand and brought it up to her face to wipe it away when something larger beat her to it.

 

Ichigo's big, warm, calloused, rough, fingers touched her face. Rukia gasped when she felt the pads of the tips against her soft cheek. His skin was so hot. It was intense and searing everything underneath. He removed all his other fingers except for one away from her face and she silently mourned the loss. Her body, however, shuddered when she felt that singular finger move up in a slow, agonizing, way across her skin. He traced the path the tear had followed and lethargically continued. The wet stain across her cheek evaporated instantly, whether from his finger brushing it aside or from her blush she was not certain. Her mind began to go hazy when she felt his skin slide on the underside of her eye. The tender spot screamed with surprise and she gasped even more.

 

The liquid was gone and then his entire hand moved to cradle her cheek. His thumb moved across the tip of her cheekbone and her breathing was raspy as he began to stroke her, back and forth, again and again.

 

Her eyes were closed. She couldn't feel anything except this exceptional warmth. Her mind was fuzzy with the details of what, exactly, was happening. She knew that they had just had an argument. He accused her of being a martyr while she accused him of using her. She told him she loved him. He hadn't responded. Yes, Rukia's mind told herself, that was what had happened not a few seconds ago. And now… her mind was not making this up, she could actually feel Ichigo Kurosaki's breath against her face, she could feel his hair brushing her forehead, she could nearly taste the flavor of his lips as she breathed him in, she could hear the frantic beating of her heart and she could feel his warm, beautiful, hand resting on her chest. It began to slide downward, as if it was intent on feeling everything it could about her tormented heart.

 

Suddenly, Ichigo pulled away and launched himself to the other side of the hallway. His breathing was heavy and his eyes were dilated. It took Rukia a moment to realize that he was indeed absent from his previous position but when she did she quickly turned her body towards the window and tried to take deep, steadying, breaths. The sunlight burned her as it passed through the window and her skin sizzled under its heat but she couldn't really pay attention to that right now. Not when Ichigo had rejected her… again.

 

The back of her eyes burned and she pulled her head up, forcing herself to look outside of the window and into the clear autumn day. Her mind buzzed with pained emotions as they swam through her blood. Not to mention one singular phrase kept repeating itself over and over inside of her head like a wicked type of chant: Not again, not again, not again…

 

She inclined her head back just a bit and swallowed hard. It was okay. She could deal with this. She had done it before.

 

“Ms. Kuchiki?”

 

Rukia jerked around and gasped when she found herself face to face with a teacher from another classroom. Her breathing—which had been so heavy a moment ago—had lessened. She swallowed and tried to look up at the teacher with something other than shock written over her face.

 

His wizened face looked down at hers and she gulped once again. His glassed made his eyes look three times their size and the wrinkles on his face overlapped threefold. He was carrying a musty old textbook and squinting blindly down at her. She swallowed once again and managed to answer.

 

“Shouldn't you be in class?” He asked her, his old voice cracking with age.

 

Rukia was ready to answer when Ichigo stepped up from behind the teacher. He tapped the man lightly on the shoulder and mumbled about taking her to the nurses' office for some bandages. The teacher looked surprised to have a student with such ostentatious hair standing behind him but he nodded and mumbled something about the nurse before waving them away and continuing on.

 

Rukia's back bent against the windowsill and her breathing became heavy once again. Ichigo sent her a flickering glance but didn't keep his gaze for long. Instead, he shoved his hands into his pockets and motioned for them to continue.

 

Rukia's legs began to work once again as she followed behind him. She did not want to know the consequences of staying beside him now. She needed her distance to think.

 

She didn't know what he was thinking right now. She didn't know what was milling through his head as they walked the rest of the way to the nurses office in silence. She wanted to know… badly, but she knew that he wouldn't tell her.

 

The only thing she was certain of was that when faced with this indecision, Ichigo Kurosaki held the keys to her heart, and that made him dangerous.