Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Snack Time ❯ Rukia and Renji ( Chapter 3 )

Tite Kubo owns Bleach. I just borrowed the characters.

 

It's been a while since I've updated this story. Hope you enjoy the new chapter. There is no need to warn of romance in this chapter. Maybe a bit of mush, however.

 

Rukia and Renji

 

 

`I've heard that you'll be going to the human world soon, Renji. I thought I'd give you a few tips because you don't want to stand out. Well, stand more than necessary.' Rukia said looking at his tattoos and red hair.

 

`I'm not going there to make friends, Rukia. I'm going there to work,' Renji objected.

 

`But some of the time you'll be in a Gigai and you'll have to act like a human. You don't want to look like a moron, do you? I mean the tattoos look strange but you don't need to act like a moron as well,' Rukia teased.

 

`Stop calling me a moron, Shortie,' Renji replied.

 

`I'm not short. At least my hair doesn't look like it exploded out of the top of my head. Do you use a broom or a rake to comb it?' Rukia was enjoying this. She had always enjoyed their insult fights. She thought she was winning.

 

Before Renji could respond with the appropriate insult, a young Shinigami came into the room carrying a tray. She was wearing a very unconvincing fake moustache and a green budgie was perched on her shoulder. The budgie was squawking loudly and flapping its wings. The young Shinigami smiled at Rukia as she placed the tray on the table and left without saying a word.

 

`Who was that?' Renji asked, intrigued.

 

`Oh, she's new. Cartoon something or other,' Rukia said offhandedly.

 

`What's with the fake moustache? You don't see them often. Couldn't she find one a little more convincing?' Renji thought Rukia was being a little elusive with her answer.

 

`Look. Don't mention the fake moustache, or the budgie to her. Just like you don't mention Madarame is bald, Captain Hitsugaya looks like a kid, or Edward Elric is short. I mean people don't tell you that your eyebrows make you look like a moron. It's dangerous,' Rukia explained. `The last person who asked her about the moustache took five days to recover from the wounds.'

 

`Who's Edward Elric? And stop talking about my eyebrows, onion head,' Renji returned to the insult game.

 

`Onion head? That's a new one,' Rukia wondered if that put Renji ahead in the insults. She looked at Renji who raised the eyebrows in question at her. It reminded her of the last question he'd asked. `Edward Elric? Oh you'll find out in the human world, especially if you hang out at the school. He's a character in a manga and anime. And I will talk about your eyebrows, idiot. Are you trying to win a prize for being the most tattooed Vice-Captain? I think you've already beating Hisagi and no one else wants to compete. Here, I hereby award you the tattoo prize,' Rukia picked up a box off the tray and handed it to Renji. That would put the points in her favour in the insult game, she decided.

 

`Dim-wit. I'm not doing it for a reward,' he said taking the box from her and examining it with interest.

 

`Then why….' Rukia began.

 

Renji looked at her, a serious challenge in his eyes, and she became quiet.

 

`It's like you said. It's one of those questions you don't ask,' Renji's voice had an edge to it that Rukia did not normally hear directed at her. It was unexpected. She felt flustered and tried to think of a response that would not make the situation even more volatile.

 

`Okay, so what's this box do? Is a new form of hollow detector?' Renji changed the subject before the atmosphere became even more oppressive.

 

Rukia looked at the box in his hand for a moment. It was taking her a little while to recover from his reaction. `It's a juice box. It contains liquid fruit and you drink it out of the box.'

 

`How do you do that?' Renji looked at the box in puzzlement.

 

`You get this straw and poke it in this silver part, and then you suck the juice through the straw.' As she spoke, Rukia demonstrated the actions she was describing. Renji copied her. A jet of juice erupted through his straw and hit him in the eye, then dripped off his face and onto his clothes.

 

`You're holding the box too tight, Renji,' laughed Rukia as she listened to his swearing.

 

Renji stopped swearing and sipped through the straw and then spat out his mouthful. `This is awful. People actually drink this stuff?'

 

Rukia looked at the label on the box. `Oh, that's a new variety. I haven't tried it. Here, try mine.'

 

`I don't want to drink through your straw. It's got your slobber all over it,' Renji objected recommencing the insult game.

 

`We'll swap straws then. And I don't slobber, loser,' Rukia took the opportunity to insult Renji in return.

 

After swapping the straws, Renji tried the juice. `Not bad,' he admitted. `Okay, I've mastered the juice box. What now?'

 

Rukia picked up another item from the tray. It was a painted metal cylinder. It had a very strange looking metal buttons on top.

 

`Is that a bomb of some kind? It's very compact. How big an area will be affected when it explodes?' Renji became agitated as Rukia started fiddling with the buttons on top of the cylinder. `You're not going to explode it here, are you?' he asked.

 

Rukia continued her actions and was rewarded with a loud fizzing sound. Renji got to his feet, prepared to run from the blast.

 

`Why would I show you a bomb, weirdo? You're not likely to use one. This is a can of soft drink. You press these tabs to open it and then drink from the top. Here try some,' Rukia offered him the can.

 

Unused to fizzy drinks, Renji took a large gulp and started coughing as the fluid flooded his sinuses. Rukia slapped him hard on the back in an effort to help. The coughing agitated the drink and it spilt over the top of the can and onto Renji's already wet clothes. After some more coughing, swearing (Renji) and laughing (Rukia), Renji recovered. Renji was beginning to look less well presented than normal.

 

`I think we better leave the drinks for the moment,' Rukia suggested, the occasional laugh still escaping. `The drinks seem to be, umm, endangering your existence.'

 

“Oh, you can be so observant sometimes,' Renji snapped, slightly embarrassed. `I suppose you didn't have any trouble with any of this? Little Miss Perfect.'

 

Rukia just smiled sweetly, not bothering to reply. She knew she was winning the game.

 

`Okay, what's next?' Renji asked with an air of resignation.

 

Rukia opened a container that seemed to contain ice.

 

`Ice. Why do people eat ice? Are they too evolved to drink water?' Renji commented.

 

Rukia spooned some shaved ice into a bowl and poured coloured liquid over it. She placed a spoon in the bowl and offered it to Renji. Renji took the bowl.

 

`You should be careful with this,' Rukia started to explain before Renji interrupted.

 

`Careful! Why should I be careful? It's just tiny bits of ice,' Renji retorted. He grabbed the spoon and quickly scooped several spoonfuls into his mouth. Suddenly he stopped. His eyes started to cross and his face creased with pain. Renji dropped the bowl to clutch his head. The bowl fell on its side adding yet more liquid and stains to his clothing. Rukia watched amused.

 

`What you are experiencing if commonly called `brain freeze'. It happens when you eat icy things too fast. The pain will pass very quickly,' she explained.

 

When he recovered, Renji picked up the bowl and tentatively scooped up some of the remaining ice. This time he had learnt from experience and did not have a recurrence of the pain. Renji was beginning to wonder if these items had been chosen deliberately to make him look stupid. This was a new dimension to the insult game.

 

`Right,' said Rukia. `You seem to have mastered shaved ice. Are you prepared to try something else?'

 

Renji considered the question. `How long did it take for you to master all these?' he asked. `Is there anything that contains less water? Food perhaps?'

 

Rukia smiled maliciously and took another cylinder shaped object from the tray. After removing the outer layer she gave it to Renji and took one for herself. Rukia then grabbed a sort of tab and pulled the top partially off. Renji copied her and then reached for his chopsticks. He tried to get a grip on the food within the cylinder. He managed to break some off and put it in his mouth. He spat it out almost immediately.

 

Meanwhile, Rukia had picked up the jug of hot water on the tray and poured it into her container. She was laughing at Renji.

 

`That's disgusting,' Renji said.

 

`Your table manners are disgusting, pig. You didn't wait until I showed you how to prepare this. You're too impatient, Renji.' He scowled at her, irritated by the comment.

 

Rukia continued after noticing her insult had the effect she anticipated. `You pour hot water into the cup and wait 3 minutes.' Rukia poured some hot water into Renji's cup. He looked at her suspiciously. She always said he was impatient at some point when she was insulting him. Sometimes he wondered if she might be right.

 

`You can try it now,' Rukia told him.

 

With learned caution, Renji sampled the food. `It tastes a little like Ramen,' he said surprised. `I mean if you added too much salt and used old vegetables. But it is a little like ramen. At least it's edible.'

 

`It's called `Instant Ramen'. I agree that it isn't as good as fresh,' Rukia smiled. `But you'll eat anything. Won't you, tapeworm?' Rukia scored another point.

 

`I'm just polite. It's rude to be picky when someone offers you food. I thought you were so careful not to be rude,' Renji decided to insult her by implying she was rude. It was a ploy he didn't often use, but he knew she was winning. She was insufferable when she won. Maybe it would distract her, a little.

 

`It's also impolite to ignore your own preferences,' Rukia responded. She could feel victory within her grasp.

 

Renji decided that he did not want to pursue that argument any further. Rukia in this mood could always find reasons for her actions. Maybe no one else would be convinced by her arguments, but that wouldn't matter. If Rukia thought it was a good reason she would become stubborn. It was better to try to return to insults, though he felt like giving up. May be he would let her win, this time.

 

Changing the subject quickly before she could take her argument any further, Renji asked, `Is there anything else you wanted to show me? I have to go to the human world soon and there are a few things I really should attend to before I go.'

 

`Sorry to take you away from your important business.' Despite the lightness of her reply, Rukia felt a little hurt by Renji's implied impatience to leave. `Just one more.' She handed him a square yellowish object.

 

It was unlike anything Renji had seen. He bit a corner of it. It tasted dreadful and bits of the food fell onto his sodden robes and stuck.

 

`Are you trying to poison me, as well as ruin my clothes,' he spluttered.

 

`If you had been more patient I would have shown you how to remove the plastic. Here, you do this,' Rukia commented. Renji followed Rukia's' demonstration.

 

He tried the food again. It was still disgusting, but much easier to eat.

 

`It's still revolting. What is it?' he demanded.

 

`It's cheese. I have been told it is an acquired taste, but you may encounter it if you eat pizza. I know it tastes peculiar, but I've grown quite fond of it.'

 

The food instruction finished, they put all the cups and bowls back on the tray.

 

Rukia became serious. `I'll miss you, Renji. We've had so little time to talk to each other since I've returned. It seems like we always have things to do. It's been so long since we had a chance to talk and find out what has been happening in each other's lives. It's just nice to talk to someone who doesn't expect me to be anything except Rukia. With you I can relax, forget the behaviour expected of a noble and just act as I feel. I don't have to be brave or perfect all the time. I wish you weren't going so soon. There's so much about the human world I could tell you. You haven't told me how you became vice-captain. Sometimes I miss the days when we were kids, struggling to survive,' Rukia was not looking at Renji as she said this but he felt touched by her words.

 

`I don't miss being hungry, stealing, being scared and watching friends die, Rukia, but I do miss the time we spent together,' he paused, unsure if he wanted to break the moment. Even though she said he did not expect her to be strong, he had always relied upon her strength. He would prefer to remember a laughing, mocking Rukia, rather than the Rukia who seemed lost and unsure who seemed to need his support.

 

`You won the insult game, this time, but only because I let you, pea brain. Clever idea to use food as a way to create insults. I'll remember that,' he said.

 

`Yeah, well you'd better have a bath and change into clean clothes. Anyone looking at you would think you were a raw recruit rather than a vice-captain. Have fun in the human world. Just try to pretend you don't have a drinking problem,' Rukia said quickly recovering from her sombre mood.

 

Renji looked at her. Drinking problem? He didn't have a drinking problem. Oh, yeah spilling all the drinks on his clothes.

 

`Hey, I already said you'd won. Are we starting another game?' Renji asked.

 

`No. Come on. I'll walk you to the bath. It's sort of on my way,' Rukia responded.

 

They left together, insulting each other. Maybe another game had started.

 

A short time later the Shinigami wearing the fake moustache came in and removed the tray and cleaned the room to the accompaniment of budgie squawks.

 

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Author's Note:

 

MS: Okay, Cartoonpen. You're in the story. Will you please put down that baseball bat? And the knives? And the tennis racket? And the machine guns? And the 340 kilo gorilla?

 

CP: Is that all? Two lousy mentions? I expected so much more and I am reduced to two lousy mentions?

 

MS: Yes, but as promised I will mention that this chapter is dedicated to Mist, the green budgie. As Mist is now in Soul Society may his seed tray always be full and his water clean.

 

CP: (Shameless plug warning). For more fake moustache action, read my story Harry Potter and the Manslaughter Suit in Wonderland. (Fake moustaches will be featured in the second chapter, when I write it). (Shameless plug ended).

 

MS: Yes, wonderful. Now go away.

 

(Cartoonpen runs off carrying the weapons, chased by the gorilla and twittering on about fake moustaches and white rabbits).

 

MS: Thank goodness she's gone.

 

Sorry about the interruption.

 

The insult game mentioned is not in the manga or anime, but I've noticed that Renji and Rukia seem to really like insulting each other. I thought it could be a game they played as they grew up together.

 

I do not plan to feature any other fan fiction author in any of my stories. I lost a bet. No further bets will be taken.

 

MS