Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Wait ❯ One-Shot

Title: Wait (1/1)

Author: blue_crystal_9

Rating: PG

Pairing: Hitsugaya/Hinamori

Spoilers: The manga. I do reference certain events that occurred in chapter 392 (therefore meaning anything recent in the anime's also fair game). If you don't want to be spoiled, avoid this fic.

Warnings: None.

Summary: [One-shot, ch 392 spoilers] “Upon closer inspection, she realized it was Hitsugaya of all people, sitting on the fifth division's porch in the middle of the night.”

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. Kubo Tite is the one who is granted that wondrous right, and not me.

Author's Note: Sheesh. I finally wrote something, after nearly a year. ;_;

 

 

Wait

 

 

“But you can't have everything you want,

When you want it.

I will be everything you want,

When you want it.

Wait for me,

Trust for me,

Fall for me.”

 

- Evans Blue, “Eclipsed”

 

 

Hinamori woke up, half frozen, and forced herself out of bed to retrieve another blanket from the closet in the hall. On her way to the closet, she glanced out of the window and froze mid-step when she realized that someone was sitting outside on the porch.

 

Upon closer inspection, she realized it was Hitsugaya of all people, sitting on the fifth division's porch in the middle of the night. `What the hell is he doing out there?' She wondered to herself, before grabbing a blanket then doubling back to her room to get a heavier robe to throw over the one she had slept in.

 

She opened the door, bracing herself against the icy air. God, it was freezing. Teeth chattering slightly, she slid the door closed silently behind her and walked over to him. “Hitsugaya-kun, what are you doing here?”

 

His back was still facing her when he replied, “Sitting.”

 

Hinamori rolled her eyes, “Obviously. But why?”

 

He finally turned to look at her, expression unreadable. “Why are you awake?”

 

“I woke up because I was cold. I went to get a blanket and then I noticed you on the porch.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “Are you causing this freezing weather?”

 

He snorted, and the corners of his mouth titled up slightly. “No, I can't take credit for this.” She sat down beside him and threw the blanket over his head. He pulled it off, glaring at her. “What'd you do that for?”

 

“You're sitting outside in the freezing cold in just a sleeping yukata.”

 

“So?”

 

She sighed. “Just because your katana's an ice zanpakutÅ doesn't mean that you can't catch your death like the rest of us.”

 

He smirked at her a little. “Cold doesn't bother me, Hinamori. You know that.”

 

She wrapped her arms around her knees, trying to retain as much body heat as possible. “I wish I could say the same for me.” Hinamori muttered, shivering.

 

Hitsugaya suddenly tossed the blanket over her. “Then you take the blanket.”

 

She made a face at him. “The blanket was supposed to be for you.”

 

“Whatever. I'm fine.”

 

“Look, at least take half the blanket.” Hinamori pleaded.

 

“If it'll placate you,” He said mildly.

 

“Yes, it will.” Hinamori gave him a triumphant look and he rolled his eyes at her. She shuffled closer to his side, tossing part of the blanket over him and the remainder of it over herself.

 

“You're always picking.” Hitsugaya muttered.

 

“And you're always unreasonable.” Hinamori retorted.

 

“I think you're the unreasonable one.”

 

Hinamori snorted, deciding it was best not to respond to that. “Anyway, you didn't answer my earlier question. Why are you sitting out here?” She rubbed her hands together, trying to keep them from freezing off.

 

He noticed this, of course. “Are your fingers cold?”

 

“Yes.” She watched as he took her hands between his own and rubbed them gently, attempting to warm them up. “And you're avoiding my question, ShirÅ-chan.” His frown deepened at the use of her nickname for him, but he made no mention of it for once.

 

He sighed, before finally saying, “I just wanted to make sure that you were safe.”

 

“…Safe?” Surprise coloured her voice. “Why wouldn't I be safe?”

 

“Logically, I knew you were just fine. But I dreamt about… it last night. I just wanted to make sure that all was well.” His head was turned away from her, looking at some point in the distance.

 

“Oh.” Ah, it. Hinamori knew exactly what he was referring to. What had plagued Hitsugaya's dreams were flashbacks of Aizen's trickery during the war. She didn't think he would ever forget the image of her being impaled by his own sword instead of Aizen. She was lucky; she had already been almost unconscious before he had stabbed her, so she could barely remember it. But it was and probably forever would be etched in Hitsugaya TÅshirÅ's memory. However, Hitsugaya wasn't the only one to have nightmares about the things Aizen had done. She certainly had her fair share of them.

 

Hinamori didn't ask him to tell her about his dream, or try to get him to talk. She knew he wouldn't want to, and they had done enough of that after the war had ended anyway. Honestly, she couldn't remember much of their post-war conversation now. She had cried so much during it that it was pretty much all a haze of tears now. However, what she could recall from that conversation was Hitsugaya's anguish over the situation, so apparent in those jade green eyes of his, even though he tried so hard to hide it. And, underneath that anguish, the fierce protectiveness he had over her.

 

It was there now, in his eyes. He was trying to look disinterested, but she could still see it.

 

She wanted to tell him that she understood his feelings for her; the ones that were on the tip of his tongue that he kept biting back. The ones that he hid in the shadows of his eyes, that sometimes, if she looked hard enough and in the right light, she could see.

 

She wanted to tell him that she felt the same way. Hinamori had realized slowly, gradually, and then with an abrupt sort of conviction that she did in fact love him. She wanted to tell him that. But want and could were two different things. Right now, barely two months after the war and with part of her heart still mourning for her traitorous captain who was most certainly never, ever going to come back, she could not tell him. Her heart wasn't ready to love another. It still needed time to recover, heal. She knew she couldn't love him properly, love him the way he deserved to be loved, until it did.

 

“I wonder why,” she mused out loud, and Hitsugaya glanced at her.

 

“What do you wonder?”

 

She hadn't really meant to say that out loud. But it seemed that a lot of things Hinamori had not expected had happened to her, both good and bad. So, with that thought in mind, she figured it was the best time to ask him.

 

“Why do you love me?” It was a question she had pondered over the last couple of weeks. Part of her felt that her personality was a polar opposite to what someone like him should want.

 

He stared at her. The only sign that showed he was surprised was a slight widening of his eyes. It was quite a feat indeed to surprise Hitsugaya TÅshirÅ. Finally, he blinked. “Why… why do you want to know that?”

 

Hinamori resisted the urge to snort. Answering a question with a question again, was he? She was going to start deeming him `avoido-boy'. Let's see how much he hated being called ShirÅ-chan then. “I'm curious. I've been thinking that it's odd that you chose me to fall in love with. I mean, we're so different. I'm not nearly as smart as you, I'm naïve, and I'm definitely less mature.” She smiled at the end of that. Internally, part of her was cringing in fear and embarrassment at how frank she was being. However, that fear was overridden by the notion that they would never have this conversation if she didn't just say it. She may never get the opportunity again. One thing Hinamori Momo had learned over the past couple of months was to cherish the time you had and to use it wisely. Nothing lasted forever.

 

He sighed and looked at her intently before answering, “Because you are the only person I have ever known, besides Obaa-san, who isn't at least a tiny bit afraid of me. You are one of the few people in my life who I give a damn about. You - ” He stopped, before saying softly, “You somehow managed to worm your way into my heart years ago and eventually I learned that there was no way I was going to get you out.”

 

Hinamori sniffed, wiping her eyes, because of course she had started crying. She let out a watery laugh and said, “I always was stubborn.”

 

He smiled then, a real smile, one that turned his eyes warm and caused her heart to flutter in her chest.

 

She nibbled on her bottom lip, before slowly entwining her fingers with his. She needed him to listen; really, really listen to her. “TÅshirÅ,” The use of his first name, plus the hand holding, had definitely gained his attention. His eyes snapped up to meet hers and remained fixed there, unmoving. “I can't return your feelings, not now. Someday, soon I hope, I will be able to. But for now, I can't. I'm not ready yet.”

 

His grip, although gentle, tightened on her hand. “I will wait. For however long it takes.”

 

The utter selflessness this boy possessed nearly undid her.

 

Oh, hell. She was crying again. She wiped the tears away hastily. “I know.” She managed to give him a weak, although still genuine smile.

 

He looked away for a moment, before returning his gaze to her face again. “Just… let me know… when you are ready.”

 

Hinamori had the feeling that he would know the answer to that eons before she did but nodded anyway, saying softly, “I will.” She leaned forward then, pressing a kiss to his cheek. She pulled away before he had the chance to stiffen in surprise and murmured in his ear, “Because I have nothing else to give you, yet.”

 

Before she had the chance to bolt however, his hand clasped her wrist, preventing her from fleeing. “You've given me far more than you think, Hinamori.” He said softly. “Much, much more than you will ever realize.”

 

A tear slid down her cheek. She leaned down, resting her forehead against his before saying raggedly, “Thank you, TÅshirÅ.” She pulled away from him then, retreating into the warm and still darkness of the fifth division barracks.

 

Once she had entered her room again she immediately curled up in bed, relishing in the warm of her covers. If she titled her head a certain way towards the window she could still see the outline of Hitsugaya's unruly white hair, the shape of his back and the determined set of his shoulders, portraying only strength.

 

The boy who was protecting her from nightmares and placing his heart on his sleeve for her. The boy who was growing into a man before her eyes. The boy who she was realizing was the only person she could ever fall in love with.

 

She watched him until her eyes were too heavy to keep open, and even then he was still there.

 

She drifted off to sleep with the smell of him in her hair and the warmth of his hand still burning in hers.

 

It brought her comfort, when nothing else did.

 

 

end.

 

Notes: I'm so proud of this little thing. It took me a while to hammer it out. I was struggling with it/hating it until the third page, and that's when I was like, “Ah. Now this is how I wanted to write it.” And then the rest of it went swimmingly. :) First of all, I wanted it to be short. I have a tendency to write super long, 13-16 page one-shots. It's the rambly part of me, unfortunately. ;_; And, quite frankly, it's fricking exhausting. When I write something long, there's always certain bits that I panic over, or too much dialog that I panic over, or not enough dialog that I panic over… it's a whole panicky vicious circle. Exhausting. So I decided I wanted to write something short, and different from what I usually write. Most specifically, different from my usual “format” for HitsuHina fics. I realized, the day that I wrote this, that I had begun to hate that format. I had been procrastinating from editing another fic that I had written over a year ago that had been sitting on my hard drive all through university and the past two months of summer vacation. I've been having trouble with it, and I had begun to hate it because of that, and then I was mad over that. Then, I realized that my writing style, in some way that I have yet to realize, has changed. Because I changed this year. Therefore, I was trying to write like I did before and I couldn't. Hence the writer's block for the last couple of months/ the last year, basically. :/ Still trying to figure out how exactly I write now, but it's a work-in-progress adjustment I suppose, LOL. ;-) Yay for realizations. WOOT. :P Anyway, secondly, I didn't want the ending to be sappy like my usual HitsuHina fics, and I didn't want it to be super angsty either. And I didn't want them quite in a relationship in this either. So I went, “Mmmkay, bittersweet. That's how this thing's gonna go!” *slaps hand down on desk*

 

ALSO! There will be a sequel. It will be posted as a separate fic, not as a second chapter. Because I'm a sap who can't leave it like that. <_< Pathetic. Well, that and I had plot bunnies traipsing around in my head the minute this thing was finished. Sigh.

 

So, I hope you enjoyed this random little thing and please leave a review, because that it always very helpful to me. :)

 

Oh, look, more incessant rambling. Obviously that aspect's still with me. Gah. <_<