Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Zanpaku-to? ❯ Nothing is Plain ( Chapter 9 )

Tite Kubo owns Bleach. I just borrowed the characters.

 

If you want to read about the powers displayed so far by Atonomatsuri, read on. (If it was me, I'd skip it. Writing it made me bang my head against the wall a few times. I can't imagine trying to read it without a stimulant of some kind.)

Quickly, scroll down and start reading the actual chapter instead of these ravings. This is your final warning.

Here is a recap of Atonomatsuri's powers and other important things so far:

1. Atonomatsuri is the physical manifestation of Zaraki's zanpaku-to.

2. When Zaraki was fighting Atonomatsuri with his zanpaku-to, her special power of `too late” was invoked. This power is not fully released for while Zaraki's zanpaku-to is in a constant state of release (huh) Atonomatsuri's will not fully explain the powers or release them (my eyes start rolling around about now). During the fight Zaraki and Atonomatsuri were fighting with the partially released `too late' power. This power was in conflict and affected both of them as both had the same power. (Now do you see why my head hurts?). So they were often too late to dodge blows. I hope that's clear (as mud).

3. Atonomatsuri has a poisonous bard in her tongue (how appropriate).

4. She can fly (but not very well)

5. She can talk directly to Zaraki's mind, sometimes.

6. She has been in Zaraki's mind before, many times, and understands it better than he does. (I begin to pity Atonomatsuri.)

Summary over. I apologise for any headaches incurred, blackouts or possible seizures, but I accept no responsibility. You were warned.

Hope you enjoy the chapter.

Nothing is Plain

 

Zaraki tried to understand. “How can I be trapped in my own mind? How could this be my mind? Have I gone crazy? Is Atonomatsuri real, or the product of insanity? Do I like paperwork? No, scratch the last question. It's not important. Or maybe it is. Oh, hell, who knows what is real?”

 

He was having trouble assimilating the information. Since this whole thing had started he'd had to think more than he normally did for months and he still had the headache. He didn't like to think because was dangerous. Thinking released old memories, old idealisms; things he had shut away in his mind since he had decided to become Kenpachi Zaraki. An old memory of his original stupid idealism surfaced and he suppressed it quickly, also suppressing the pang of loss.

 

He turned and glared at Atonomatsuri who was still staring at him in shock. Her eyes were still protruding and swollen. As he glared at the vulture he noticed another difference in her eyes. The spinning clock face halted for a second every so often, and the broken clock face was now indicating 12 o'clock.

 

“Why has that changed,” Zaraki wondered briefly, but then dismissed the tiny feeling of curiosity. “She is to blame for all of this. Even if she is the product of insanity, she is still the focus of events. Should I try to grab my zanpaku-to, or should I try to kill her? Maybe both. Kill two birds with one stone. Crap, now I'm doing it. I don't care is she turns purple and start's doing the lucky dance. She's still my enemy; but she's the only way out of here. I believe that, now. I don't want to think about the possibility that this is my mind. If it is my mind, why is everything this way? Why is everything destroyed? I refuse to think about it.”

 

The silence remained unbroken.

 

“I've got to get out of here. If I can somehow convince her that I've changed my mind, that I will release her if I get out of this pit, maybe she will release me. Hey, maybe I should summon her once when I get out. Yeah, I could do that and quickly turn the summoning around. It wouldn't hurt to do it once,” as he thought this through, Zaraki realised something else.

 

A gentle breeze started to blow. It made the debris on the ground move a little, dust swirled. Zaraki had noticed no wind, no sign of natural phenomenon until now.

“I wonder where that's blowing from. Why would a wind blow in my mind? Maybe it means something, maybe not. It doesn't matter anyway. The problem is I don't know how to summon her. I know she might appear if I say her name, but that is not how you summon a zanpaku-to, or so I've been told, when I've actually listened. I get sick of hearing people crap on about their zanpaku-to's and the amazing powers they have. It's all a wank if you ask me. Trying to make the powers of the zanpaku-to appear as their own. Making themselves look like they have something unique. Maybe, if I ask her, she will tell me how I can summon her. Maybe that will convince her that I'm serious. I can't even guess what the bloody bird will do.”

 

Zaraki did not realise that his thoughts toward Atonomatsuri were changing. The wind strengthened. It was now a breeze and it was cold.

 

“Beware the Winds of Change,” Atonomatsuri finally said, having managed to recover from her shock. Her voice lacked the strength of her earlier comments. “For the wind doth blow and change is inevitable. I didn't lie, Zaraki. This is your mind, this overwhelming destruction and desolation is within you and you are now within it. You created your mind, Kenny and now you cannot escape it. . You never change, Kenny, so why try?”

 

Zaraki sighed. “Is it going to be another monologue?” he wondered.

 

“What do you mean this time? A wind has started blowing, yeah so what. I wouldn't call it a wind of change. It's just wind, like the wind you're constantly spouting, except it's not hot,” Zaraki sniggered at his pathetic attempt at humour.

 

Atonomatsuri did not join in the laughter or respond with her usual barbed comment or adage. The pink of her feathers was fading to a less vibrant shade. She appeared to be struggling to remain upright. Zaraki noticed her silence and her struggles.

 

“Haven't you got a smart comment, this time? I must admit the silence is fine, but it's not like you to miss any freaking opportunity to insult me. Come on Atonomatsuri, I've worked it out. You prefer to fight using words, not actions, but all the same, you like to fight.” Zaraki said.

 

Again, Atonomatsuri did not respond.

 

“Say something, anything,” Zaraki commanded.

 

“Take off your eye patch, Zaraki.”

 

Zaraki wondered about what she had said. “Why take off my eye patch? Unless you want to fight again, then yeah, I'll take it off.”

 

“Why do you have difficulty in complying with a simple request? No sense as uncommon as common sense. Remove your eye patch, Zaraki, please.”

 

It was the “please” that affected him. Without consciously thinking, his hands moved toward his face. He stopped himself.

 

“Give me a reason, a compelling reason, to remove it. So far, you've told me little that's useful. You cherish your knowledge, but are unwilling to share,” Zaraki reasoned.

The breeze became a little stronger and the cold increased. Unconsciously Zaraki rearranged his shredded clothes to provide more protection from the wind. A bell from his hair was shaken free by the breeze and fell unnoticed.

 

“You want a reason?” Atonomatsuri laughed gently, with an undercurrent of a sneer. “Reason and Kenny. There's an odd couple. Okay, here's my reason. You're still affected by my poison, aren't you?”

 

Zaraki scowled, and then quickly tried to assume his feral grin.

 

“Don't know what you mean!” he said resisting the truth. “I don't feel any different.”

 

“Then why are you sitting down, talking to me instead of trying to grab your zanpaku-to and strangle me?” Atonomatsuri asked.

 

“Blast,” thought Zaraki.

 

“Come on. Kenny, admit it,” she urged.

 

“Admit what? That I want to strangle her and get my zanpaku-to back, or that I'm feeling weak? I don't want to admit to anything,” Zaraki thought.

 

“What do you mean?” Zaraki asked.

 

“Admit you're feeling weaker,” Atonomatsuri retorted.

 

“Okay, maybe I'm feeling less powerful than normal, but not much,” Zaraki grudgingly admitted, frowning.

 

“My poison, not only affects your body, but also your reiatsu.”

 

“So what? I don't see a problem. My body will recover. My reiatsu is something I use in fighting, so it shouldn't be a problem,” Zaraki responded his frown deepening.

 

“God, you're acting thick again, Kenny. Earlier you managed to catch on quickly, but now you're being as intelligent as a blind pimple,” she sighed wearily. “Truth finds foes where it makes none.” Atonomatsuri blinked slowly and painfully as though her eyes hurt. “Haven't you listened to the lecture about how the owner's reiatsu affects their zanpaku-to?”

 

“Yeah, so?” Zaraki was exasperated. She was still talking in riddles.

 

“My poison is affecting your reiatsu, understand?”

 

Zaraki nodded, slowly.

 

“That means your reiatsu is much less than normal. That in turn is affecting both of us, making us weaker. For you, the decrease in reiatsu will increase the strength of my poison and it may kill you. I didn't realise this would happen,” Atonomatsuri's voice held the hint of sadness.” For me, it means I have difficulty in recovering from my wounds. I'm dying. Are you following me so far?” There was a touch of impatience in Atonomatsuri's question.

 

“You're saying, if I take off my eye patch, I'll feel better and you won't die,” Zaraki replied.

 

“Finally, you've grasped it. I was beginning to wonder if I'd need to try and explain it in song and dance. I don't understand why you have such trouble understanding such simple concepts,” she said, exasperated.

 

“Because, it's not simple. I don't know anything about zanpaku-to's except how to fight with one that's constant state of release. It's never been necessary to know. Why should I remember conversations about something that didn't interest of affect me? I have to listen to enough crap in the captain's meeting,” Zaraki stopped himself from saying any more.

Atonomatsuri looked at Zaraki, measuring him.

 

“You're right, Kenny,” she sighed gustily. “It isn't simple. Step by step one goes far. It isn't simple for you or for me. Now will you remove the eye patch, please? Or do you want to die here?”

 

“You said you would never free me from this place and we would die together. Now you've change your mind? Are you going to release me, Atonomatsuri?”

 

She eyed him slyly, but tiredly. “I'll make a deal with you, Zaraki. A one time offer that won't be repeated. You take off your eye patch and I'll give back, well me.”

 

“Do you mean you, or the actual zanpaku-to,” Zaraki asked warily.

 

Atonomatsuri giggled. It was not a pleasant sound. “The zanpaku-to, Kenny. I know you don't want me. Needs must as the devil drives.”

 

“How can I trust you, you maggot infested filth? I don't know how many times you've lied to me, or hidden the truth with words. You give me the zanpaku-to and I might remove the eye patch,” Zaraki felt anger at her belief that he would do as he was told.

The wind again increased in force and cold. Involuntarily, Zaraki shivered.

“If that's the way you want to play it. Into each life some rain must fall. Here is your zanpaku-to, or at least the outward form.” Atonomatsuri released the blade and stepped back, wobbling with each step. At one instant she looked on the point of falling, but recovered.

 

Zaraki quickly got to his feet and recovered his blade. The effort tired him but he tried not to exhibit any signs of weakness. Then his injured thigh gave way and he collapsed to the ground. Another bell became detached from his hair and rolled away under a torn painting of a river in springtime. At the same time, Atonomatsuri also lost her battle with gravity and squatted awkwardly.

 

“Are you going to remove your eye patch, Zaraki?” Her voice was considerably weaker. Her pink feathers had faded to grey in patches.

 

“Nah. I only said I might. I'm not convinced. Anyway, I've got my zanpaku-to back. I can kill you and that will be the end of it. I'm fine,” Zaraki baited her. A wave of exhaustion overcame him. The strength of the wind increased again as did the cold.

 

“Aren't you feeling tired, now, Zaraki? Can you feel the wind and the increasing cold? Don't you even wonder what the Winds of Change can do?” Atonomatsuri's voice had dropped to just above whispering level. “We don't have much time. The winds bring change rapidly. It is not necessary to change. Survival is not mandatory. If you don't wish to survive, Kenny, then don't change and we will both die, soon.”

 

“More friggin' riddles,” Zaraki rubbed his face, hard. His eyes hurt. Without thinking about it he removed his eye patch and rubbed both eyes. Then he realised his error.

“Blast,” he exclaimed. “That was a mistake. I didn't mean, oh damn,” Zaraki hit the ground with his clenched fist.

 

He noticed the absence of something and looked up. The wind had gone. The cold had gone. The sky brightened a little.

 

“What? Why did the wind stop? What is going on in this freakish place? I don't understand,” Zaraki said confounded.

 

“At least you speak the truth, Kenny. You don't understand. The universe is change; our life is what our thoughts make it. I'll remind you that this “freakish place” is your mind. About this fact I do not lie,” Atonomatsuri's voice had strengthened, a little, in the few seconds since Zaraki removed his eye patch.

 

Zaraki looked at her. The greying feathers were slowly turning pink. Her eyes looked a little less swollen. She was still squatting but seemed less uncomfortable. Zaraki looked at her curiously and then looked at the eye patch in his hand. Maybe she hadn't been lying.

 

He then examined the wound in his thigh. It was still swollen and hot to the touch, but it did not seem to be throbbing as much. Some strength has returned, but still not enough to engage in another heated combat. His hands moved to replace the eye patch.

 

“Please, don't. I need more time, just a little more time,” again that uncertain, pleading quality was present in Atonomatsuri's voice.

 

“Answer some questions and I won't replace it, if I think you're being truthful,” Zaraki bargained.

 

Atonomatsuri looked hurt. It was quite amazing the number of expressions she could assume, considering her appearance.

 

“I tell the truth, or at least a version of the truth. Truth is in the eye of the beholder,” she said defensively.

 

“I thought that was beauty. Blast, now you've got me talking about adages. Ignore that. You can't distract me this time,” he glared at Atonomatsuri forcefully.

 

“Is this wasteland my mind?” Zaraki grated on the words.

 

“Yes. It is your mind,” she answered briefly.

 

The shock reverberated through Zaraki. “Can't think about that now. I'll think about it later, if ever. I have to ask her something else.”

 

“How can I be trapped in my own mind?” Zaraki asked.

 

“Insane people are trapped by their own minds. Sanity is after all a state of mind,” she retorted.

 

“That's not an answer,” as he spoke Zaraki commenced replacing the eye patch.

 

“Stop! You're not insane. I mean I'm not a manifestation of your insanity. I have the power to draw you into your mind when you call my name, if it's necessary and it was. That way you have to listen to me. I had to find out if there was any possibility of convincing you to release me, to acknowledge me. I am the key. I can bring you here and let you go,” Atonomatsuri gabbled, fright evident in her voice.

 

“Can I leave here without your help? Answer me,” he said as she hesitated.

 

“You can leave here without my help, but then we would both be dead. Either death or I can release you. Hope dies last of all,” she moved aside as Zaraki tried to grab her. “I can release you, but I choose not to, yet.”

 

“That's the most promising comment you've made so far. No more threats of “we will die here together” or similar garbage?” Zaraki noticed that Atonomatsuri looked very uncomfortable, but appeared to be recovering.

 

Her eyes were no longer swollen or protruding and the clock faces had returned to their original appearance. The hesitation in the spinning hand had vanished. Atonomatsuri did not appear to enjoy his observations.

 

“I never really intended to kill you and I can't kill you now you've defeated the Winds of Change. I lost that ability when they stated to blow,” she burst out with reluctance appearing ashamed of her failure.

 

Hearing these words made Zaraki pause. “Defeat something? What have I defeated? I know the wind stopped blowing and she made indirect comments about it before, but what the hell is she talking about.”

 

Zaraki held up his eye patch. “Explain the Winds of Change, or the eye patch goes back on. I know you look better, but your wounds haven't healed, yet.”

 

“The Winds of Change appear for you and only you, Kenny. Your mind is a mire of destruction and despair. You really should think more often, it keeps your mind in a more flexible state. Instinctive reaction is all very well,” she stopped with a squawk as Zaraki moved his eye patch toward his eye.

 

“The Winds of Change mean that you are prepared to finally change something in your mind. They started to blow when you understood that this place is your mind. Also, briefly you thought something from your past that you had suppressed for a long time. Then you changed your mind about something else. I don't know what you were thinking,” she added quickly.

 

“It's not enough. More information,” he urged.

 

“They blew stronger as you began experience some sort of change in your mind. When you decided not to kill me the wind strengthened, but you had to work with me. If you hadn't compromised the Winds of Change would have killed us both, freezing us as your inability to change has frozen you, Kenny. There's only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self. I don't understand fully how The Winds of Change work. When you took off your eye patch you defeated the Winds of Change. It proved that you had changed, permanently, if unconsciously. You were prepared to help me,” finishing the long explanation, Atonomatsuri sighed.

 

“It was a mistake. I didn't remove my eye patch to help you,” Zaraki said. “I didn't mean to help you.”

 

“Yes, you did, but not consciously. I don't want to go into a long discussion about the actions of the unconscious mind at the moment. I'm too tired,” Atonomatsuri yawned.

 

Zaraki thought aloud about what she'd said. “I won a battle I didn't know I was fighting, but in doing so I also defeated myself. Damn philosophical speculations,” he rubbed his eyebrow. “You never intended to kill me. Huh? Then why all the threats?” Zaraki looked at Atonomatsuri who refused to meet his stare.

 

He shrugged. He'd find out later, or not at all. It didn't matter.

 

“I'm feeling better. The wound is not hot to touch anymore, but it's still swollen,” Zaraki noticed as he prodded his leg.

 

“What now, Atonomatsuri? Do we fight again?” he asked the sleepy vulture.

 

“No point. We cannot defeat each other. We can kill each other, yes, but if I die, you die and vice-versa, or verse visa”, she replied, her eyes shutting.

 

Zaraki decided to stop thinking. Too much information made his head hurt. He sat there looking at the sky. It did not interest him very much.

 

“I'm bored,” Zaraki said after a few minutes of silence prodding Atonomatsuri with his zanpaku-to. “Let's fight, you festering, incompetent zanpaku-to.”

 

“Your goads do not impress me. You wouldn't be bored if you used your mind more. I won't fight you, yet. No point, as I said before. Hasty judgements are generally faulty ones,” Atonomatsuri replied without opening her eyes.

 

Zaraki tried poking her again, but she batted the zanpaku-to aside with her beak and then poked out her barbed tongue.

 

“Don't annoy me, Kenny. I'm quite capable of poisoning you again if you irritate me enough, and you'll be `too late” to get out of my way. Arrogance is the obstruction of wisdom. It will take you even longer to recover and I might enjoy fighting you while you are weak and I am strong. Malice hath a sharp sight and strong memory. If you're so bored, explain to me why you are obsessed with fighting,” she requested.

 

“I like fighting. It's fun,”

 

Atonomatsuri opened her eyes and observed Zaraki with derision. “Fun! Death and loss, fun? You are a seriously disturbed individual if you really believe that, Zaraki. Truth seeks no corners. You demanded I speak the truth. What goes around comes around. It's your turn, Kenny.”

 

“I like fighting. It's the one thing that makes me feel that I exist. I live to fight. That's it. Nothing more. It's not complex,” Zaraki argued.

 

Atonomatsuri shook her head, sadly. “Come on, Kenny. That's a partial truth at best and very partial. If thou art in company with others, be not ashamed of Truth. Why do you fight? Who is your opponent?”

 

“Who is my opponent? What sort of crap question is that? Who ever I'm fighting is my opponent. There's nothing deep and meaningful about it,” Zaraki paused, and then flushed as he remembered something he had buried deep within the recesses of his mind.

 

“Ah, you remember. I thought you would. The Winds of Change stirred that memory. Come on, spit it out, Kenny. Words are the voice of the heart. If you admit it, I'll even consider discussing how to get out of here,” Atonomatsuri's voice took on a purring, persuasive tone.

 

“You want me to remember a forgotten truth. I don't like to think. I don't want to remember,” Zaraki burst out in anger.

 

“But doesn't Kenny want to get out of here? Kenny, don't you want to leave here? Get back to your real life and your friends and your position of Captain of the 11th Division? The great, the one and only Kenpachi Zaraki. A friend is easier lost than found,” sniggered Atonomatsuri.

 

“She must be feeling better,” Zaraki thought. “Damn! I preferred her when she was dying. Less sarcasm.”

 

“What do you want, harpy? Self realisation or some such junk? You want the reason why I fight?” Zaraki paused and spoke slowly. “Each time I fight, I fight against Death, not some paltry human or Hollow or Shinigami. I fight against Death. When I win I have beaten Death back, I have won power over Death. If I lose,” Zaraki's voice became hoarse. “When I lose, Death gains strength. I won't lose to Death. I must defeat him. Death is the only opponent worth defeating. When I lost to Ichigo, I felt Death applaud the victory. I've got to beat Death. I've got to defeat everyone. It doesn't matter if I kill them, or not. I just have to defeat them,” Zaraki stopped. He was panting. Then he laughed.

 

“That's not my true reason. That was what I thought when I was an idealistic fool. Now, I just enjoy fighting for fighting's sake. You wanted a reason? There is none,” he grinned, hoping that she would just leave it alone, but knew the hope was fated to not be realised.

 

“Really, Kenny. If I had hands I would clap. Such melodramatic declarations. Such sincerity. Such blind idealism,” Atonomatsuri's customary snigger turned into a laugh. “Oh, I wish your Division could have heard that. Idealism from their Captain,” she laughed again.

 

Zaraki's hands moved toward her neck and she quickly backed away.

 

“Sorry, Zaraki. I know you honestly voiced your reasons. I know the reasons you fight, but you have hidden the truth from yourself for so many years. It's one of the reasons you saved Yachiru. She would have died without you,” Atonomatsuri was prepared to continue but Zaraki interrupted.

 

“Enough. This sentimentality is enough to make me want to vomit. I lied. I fight because I enjoy it. If you ever bring this up again, I will kill you. I don't care if I die too. End of discussion.” Before Atonomatsuri could commander the conversation any further he asked, “So let's talk about getting out of here. What new stupid idea rests in your feeble brain?”

 

“Getting out of here. Yeah, we can do that, but it requires something I don't want to ask of you. I don't want to give it to you, either,” Atonomatsuri said.

 

“What? A disease? Money? Sake? Good will? Beak polish? A pill to sweeten your nature?” Zaraki was surprised at his increase in sarcasm.

 

Atonomatsuri laughed, “Watch it, Kenny. I think you're developing a sense of humour. It's nothing as trivial as those things you've mentioned. The cautious seldom err. You have to give me your trust and I have to give you my trust.”

 

The words echoed in the silence of the desolate world. Zaraki and Atonomatsuri avoided looking at each other.

 

“Trust! Her! I'd sooner trust Yachiru with chocolate. At least I wouldn't be disappointed when she ate it,” Zaraki thought and found he was shaking his head. “I can't trust her. She's tried to kill me and poison me. Trust is one of those things I don't do.”

 

“I know it is not easy. A narrow mind has a broad tongue. You want to leave; you have to learn to release me. That requires trust,” Atonomatsuri's voice broke the swollen silence.

“You told me never to trust you. I remember. You also said you didn't trust me. Should I believe you now?” Zaraki sneered.

 

“Then we are at an impasse. I cannot let you out until you learn to release me. For that I need your trust. Can you trust me if only enough to secure your release from here?

 

“I don't know.”

 

They sat there, silent. A slight cool breeze started to blow.

Author's Note:

 

Finally, some explanations and lots more questions to be answered. Atonomatsuri likes to dodge direct answers.

Thank you for the reviews. It's great that people are enjoying the story. I hope this chapter did not disappoint.

Reviews please. You know the drill. Reviews mean updates. No reviews mean I work on another story or do something else, like sleep.

 

MS