Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Zanpaku-to? ❯ Surrender ( Chapter 11 )

Atonomatsuri again tests Zaraki's patience.

 

Warning: Zaraki reverts to form and gets a little, well, violent.

 

 

Surrender

 

`I said I didn't tell you the whole truth,' Atonomatsuri repeated.

 

`I heard. What do you want me to say? I'm surprised? I thought you wanted me to trust you,' Zaraki grated.

 

`I wasn't sure. I'd hoped that it would not come to this. The fault is mine; but I will not bear this fault alone, Kenny. Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty. I only sought freedom,' Atonomatsuri shrilled. `Man is born free, but everywhere he is in chains.'

 

`Is there a point to this? I thought once you were released I could get out of here. It happened, you're released yet I'm still here in this hole with a zanpaku-to that looks like a bad piece of modern art, a decomposing vulture and the hell of my mind,' Zaraki said impatience in his voice.

 

`I said you'd need patience for this. Patience is power; with time and patience the mulberry leaf becomes silk,' Atonomatsuri scolded.

 

`Patience! Patience is for weaklings. It's not power. Stop giving me this crap. Tell me the truth now,' Zaraki demanded.

 

`It's not that simple Kenny. This time there is more at stake. Fools rush in where angels fear to tread. I'm trying to find words that might be easy for you to understand. It isn't easy. I'm surprised you've managed to understand me so far,' Atonomatsuri sneered.

 

Zaraki sat down leaning the zanpaku-to against his knee. He ran his hands over his head.

 

`Hell, what happened to my hair? Where are my bells? Is this your doing?' Zaraki questioned turning to Atonomatsuri.

 

Atonomatsuri moved from one foot to another and looked embarrassed. She avoided looking at Zaraki and seemed to be looking at the teddy bear which was now magically in one piece. While Zaraki looked at her ready to again demand an explanation she shot a furtive look at him and then returned to looking at the bear.

 

`Cute teddy bear, Zaraki. It looks like you, except it's totally unlike you. Cute, small, cuddly and doesn't cause any trouble. Doesn't hurt people, or try to kill them,' Atonomatsuri said. `I like teddy bears. They're uncomplicated.'

 

`I SAID I'M NOT INTERESTED IN BLOODY BEARS,' Zaraki yelled as he got to his feet. The noise was deafening in the quiet surroundings. Atonomatsuri looked at him shocked. `Can't you understand simple instructions, carcass? I want to know why I'm still here, where are my bells, what happened to my hair and why the freakin' hell my zanpaku-to looks like this. Oh, it might be nice to finally hear the truth, I mean if it's not too much trouble. Wouldn't want to cause you any problems, friggin' annoying cadaver,' his voice dripped sarcasm.

 

Atonomatsuri looked even more uncomfortable. Her switching from foot to foot intensified until it almost looked like she was dancing. She continued to avoid his gaze and her eyes rolled in their sockets. Her tail twitched unevenly and her head nodded up and down. Zaraki watched not having any idea what was going on.

 

`Is she doing her version of the lucky dance, now? Will she turn purple next,' he wondered vaguely. His anger had not diminished. He grabbed at the vulture who evaded him, the twitching increasing.

 

The movement of her feet took her further away from him as her head nodded faster.

 

Zaraki shouted his rage aloud,' Stop that stupid damn dancing, moronic weird vulture. Give me some answers.'

 

Atonomatsuri squawked loudly and flapped her wings as her feet continued to move rapidly, `I'm not dancing. This is how I act when I'm nervous. You're making me nervous, Kenny.'

 

Zaraki gaped at her. `I don't understand what the hell is going on with her. First the insults, the tirades, the adages, the unrestrained bitterness, the constant calling me Kenny. Now she's nervous? This is one seriously disturbed creature. And she questions my sanity?' Zaraki thought.

 

`How come I'm making you nervous now? You showed no signs of fear before. Why now?' he demanded angrily.

 

`Because I hate telling you the truth. I especially hate telling you the truth when I have no choice and this time it can't be a half truth. A truth-teller finds the doors closed against him. Can you even handle the truth, Kenny, I wonder? I wonder and despair at the truth and you,' Atonomatsuri moaned her feet slowing slightly. `A fool may find the truth and yet understand it not, Kenny. You are that fool.'

 

`Back to the insults and adages I see,' growled Zaraki. `Just say what you need to say. I'm hungry.'

 

`That's part of the problem. I've kept you in your mind too long', Atonomatsuri squealed.

 

`So, you've kept me in my mind too long. Let me out and it won't be a problem,' Zaraki shouted reasonably.

 

`But it is a problem,' Atonomatsuri insisted.

 

Zaraki laconically moved closer to the dancing bird. Swiftly he reached out and grabbed her by her throat.

 

`Stop it. Tell me what you need to say and we move on from there,' he hissed into her face. `Answer my questions, tell me the problem and then we can get the hell out of here.' As he spoke he increased the pressure on the cringing creatures' neck. Her eyes started to bulge slightly as she struggled against his grip.

 

`Interesting,' Zaraki mused. `The `too late' power seems not to have worked on this occasion,' he shook the bird, which, by now had ceased all movement except beating at Zaraki with her wings.

 

`Put me down,' she gasped. I can't explain if I'm dead, moron.'

 

Zaraki slowly released his grip on her neck and then let go. Atonomatsuri sprawled at his feet, breathing heavily. Zaraki gently, but firmly placed a foot on a wing.

 

`I want answers, now. I've no more patience. I may not be able to kill you, but I can hurt you enough to make you appreciate your previous torment. I'm feeling generous. Answer my questions and I won't cut off your wings,' Zaraki compromised.

 

Atonomatsuri struggled, trying to rise, but was prevented by the placement of Zaraki's foot. She moaned and lifted her head as far from the ground as she could and hissed at Zaraki. The she tried to manoeuvre her beak into a position to strike at him, but it was impossible to get the leverage required. Her tongue with the poison barb emerged from her mouth, but again it was not possible for her to strike at him in any way.

 

`You always try to solve the problem with more violence, Kenny. I thought you had learned something in here. You can lead a Kenny to understanding, but you can't make him think. Okay, which of the myriad of moronically misunderstood mysteries in your mind do you wish to comprehend first? If you used your brain some of this would all be clear,' she grumbled.

 

Zaraki pondered this. Which question? He wanted them all answered. The problem was it usually took so long to get one question answered. Which one? It was obvious!

 

`What is the truth that you haven't told me? Answer that one. The others can wait,' Zaraki demanded.

 

`Not yet. I can't tell you yet. I'm not ready. I'll tell you about something else. Your hair couldn't withstand the Winds of Change and had to also change. I think you look better like that, Kenny. If you wore it right over your face, it would be even better. You could hide that scar. Maybe you could have it styled and coloured,' Atonomatsuri prattled.

 

`What the heck are you talking about? The one question I didn't sodding care about and you answer that first,' Zaraki brought the blade of his zanpaku-to close to

Atonomatsuri's wing. `Okay, answer this one or I cut off your wing. How do I get this monstrosity back to normal?' He nudged her wing with the zanpaku-to.

 

`Use will,' she answered shortly.

 

`Who the hell is Will and what's he doing here?' Zaraki asked impatiently. Anger was impeding his ability to understand.

 

`Not only do I have to simplify everything for you, but now I have to explain my simple explanations. To kick with a sore toe only hurts the foot. Use your will to change it back,' she explained trying to remove her wing from under his foot.

 

`What Will?'

 

`Your will.'

 

`I don't have a Will,' Zaraki said confused.

 

Atonomatsuri sighed and laughed. `We sound like a pair of bad comedians. Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is,' she said softly. `Will power, Kenny. Use your will power and will the zanpaku-to back to normal.'

 

Zaraki keeping his foot on Atonomatsuri's wing concentrated and after some effort the zanpaku-to returned to its normal form.

 

`You can sheathe it now, if you want, Kenny,' Atonomatsuri suggested slyly.

 

`Not going to happen, maybe later, maybe too late,' Zaraki said and laughed without humour.

 

`Spare me the bad jokes, Kenny. Now will you remove your large and incredibly unattractive foot from my wing?'

 

`No,' he replied shortly.

 

Silence as each thought about what to do next.

 

Neither noticed that the sky had brightened further or that one planet now appeared whole. For that they would have needed to look to the stars instead of contemplating the ground.

 

`So what questions are you prepared to answer? Oh, bugger this. I'm cutting your wing off. Maybe then you will answer the questions.' Zaraki raised his zanpaku-to in preparation of suiting his action to his words.

 

`Stop,' screamed Atonomatsuri. `I'll tell you. God, Kenny. I know you are given to mindless acts of violence, but this is stupid. One moment of patience may ward off great disaster; one moment of impatience may ruin a whole life. Whose life are you ruining this time, because if you ruin mine, you ruin your own.'

 

`So which tiny bit of information are you prepared to impart this time? I suppose you'll tell me where the bells are. I don't care. I want some real answers this time.' He moved his blade closer to her wing. `I think I will use the edge of the zanpaku-to to saw it off. Should cause more pain that way, for you.'

 

`Your zanpaku-to is like that because of who you are, Zaraki. It is as malformed as you. The jagged edges are representative of your violence and hold on sanity. The holes indicate that you are not a complete person. It also exemplifies our lack of trust in each other. Once you learn to control your reiatsu a little the size will diminish, maybe. Let your desires be ruled by reason. Each manifestation of a zanpaku-to represents the owner,' Atonomatsuri explained, panting and wincing from the pain as Zaraki moved his foot closer to where the wing joined her body.

 

`Even in this position you still friggin' insult me, do you? So the shape is determined by my personality? I think that's a load of manure. I can't believe it looks like that. Hell knows what the blade will look like when I bankai,' Zaraki yelled.

 

`Don't even think of bankai, Kenny. For that there must be complete trust and understanding between zanpaku-to and shinigami. Something I doubt we will ever have. Into each life, a little rain must fall. I've answered your question. Now remove your foot,' she urged.

 

`No. Final answer, Atonomatsuri. What is this truth you don't wish to tell me? I want to know,' Zaraki hissed, his voice menacing.

 

`Which truth I don't want to tell you?' she said struggling again and then collapsing shuddering.

 

`There's more than one? Interesting. And you wonder why I find it hard to trust you! I wonder if I should trust anything you have said until now? Ah, bugger it,' Zaraki dragged the blade of his zanpaku-to firmly over the muscles that connected the wing to her body.

 

Atonomatsuri squawked and wriggled, but the weight of his foot made her cautious of tearing her wing. Tears leaked from her eyes.

 

`Oh, poor birdy is not in control. Well too bad for you. Now tell me why I'm not out of here yet?' Zaraki demanded.

 

`Because I have to tell you, I have to tell you. I don't want to tell you. Not like this. Not as the result of torture and pain and more hatred. Answer this, Zaraki. Are you still hungry?'

 

Zaraki thought about it a moment. `Yeah.'

 

`How hungry? Snacking hungry? Banquet hungry?' Atonomatsuri's question was urgent.

 

`Probably snacking hungry. Yeah, I'd like some rice balls,' Zaraki said.

 

`Then we still have a little more time. Even though you are in your mind and you are starting to think, you're mind is slowly consuming you. It's been hungry for thought and new ideas for so long that now you've awakened it, it will ingest whatever is around. You are feeling that hunger. You better keep thinking, Zaraki, if only to distract it. Every time you stop thinking your hunger will increase, as will the hunger in your mind. People seldom improve when they have no other model but themselves to copy after,' said Atonomatsuri.

 

`Dodging the issue again and I don't believe your words. Come on, tell me the thing that made you nervous earlier,' Zaraki said, increasing the weight he placed on the wing.

 

`That hurt's, Kenny. Stop it! Okay. It's because of something you know but didn't even think of until now. Think about your zanpaku-to. It was never sealed, was it?' Atonomatsuri said reluctantly.

 

`Yeah, so what? Oh, I see. You were constantly crapping on about me releasing you but does that mean you were released?' Zaraki asked interested.

 

`No, because you had to consciously release me. It is the beautiful bird which gets caged. Because I was not sealed you had to do a second release,' Atonomatsuri's voice became softer as she explained.

 

`Huh, second release? I've heard of those, but usually there's a trigger word and the zanpaku-to doesn't change shape, just uses a different power,' Zaraki said contemplatively.

 

`It's because you're so screwed up, Kenny. I was never sealed, but I was never released, so this became screwed up also. I'd hoped it wasn't the case, but I wasn't sure. You can't make a cake without breaking eggs,' Atonomatsuri said the insults overlain by pain.

 

Zaraki shifted his foot, a little, taking some of the weight off Atonomatsuri, but not enough for her to do anything but feel some relief from the pain.

 

`Forget the insults, loser. Enough of the suspense. Just tell me the bloody release word or phrase or whatever the decomposing thing is,' Zaraki said with a touch of anticipation.

 

`Learning teaches how to carry things in suspense without prejudice till you resolve, Kenny,' Atonomatsuri responded tartly.

 

`I don't have any sodding idea what that means,' Zaraki complained as he increased the pressure on the wing.

 

`Yawn. The release word is yawn,' Atonomatsuri screamed from the pain.

 

Zaraki abruptly removed his foot. Atonomatsuri lay there, unable to take advantage of her hard won freedom.

 

Zaraki started to pace up and down, tapping the zanpaku-to against his thigh as he walked. His anger had not been dispelled by the last revelation but his hunger had not increased.

 

`Yawn,' he exclaimed. `Yawn! What shinigami, no, what captain would want to use a lame release word like that? Howl is good, shatter I'd like, dance is pretty wimpy, but yawn is the crappiest of them all.' He stopped walking and threw down his zanpaku-to which landed in front of the prone form of Atonomatsuri.

 

`That's it! No more. I don't want it, I don't want you. You're both tainted, corrupted by something I don't understand. I preferred it when it was a simple tool. Now it is less than it was,' Zaraki sat down and rubbed his face. `Damn this, damn it, damn it, damn it,' he yelled as he punched the ground. `No one told me. I hate this!'

 

Atonomatsuri silently raised her head and looked at Zaraki.

 

`Don't despair, Kenny. It's always darkest before the dawn,' she began.

 

`Shut up. God, you can talk, and most of it is garbage. Just leave me alone', Zaraki thundered.

 

Atonomatsuri just watched him as he shook his head.

 

`This is not real. None of this is real. It's just a bad dream,' Zaraki told himself.

 

He looked at the sky and around the wasteland of his mind. He refused to live like this. He reached out to pick up his zanpaku-to only to find that Atonomatsuri had it under her claw again.

 

`Wisdom comes only when you stop looking for it, and start living the life the Creator intended for you,' Atonomatsuri said sadly. `Don't kill yourself, Zaraki. If you kill yourself, you will never fight again. Think of all the battles you will miss. You'll never fight Ichigo again. Aizen will go unpunished by you. Gin Ichimaru will smile at your defeat. Only when the serpent dies do you know its true length.'

 

Zaraki sat motionless and looked at her.

 

`Why would I want to kill myself?' he asked. `What bug got into your brain to even make you think that?'

 

`You were going to try to kill me, again. I anticipated that. To kill me is to kill you. I've told you that before. Live with wolves, and you learn to howl. Lie down with dogs, get up with fleas,' Atonomatsuri sighed.

 

`And those that talk crap, expect to feel pain,' Zaraki said bitterly. `I don't know where you get your ideas from, but they're wrong. Can I go now? Are there any more revelations that you have to make? Or are we finally done?'

 

`Done? We will never be done, Kenny. Life is an onion which one peels crying. You are like an onion, Kenny. I peel off your layers only to see you getting smaller and smaller,' Atonomatsuri said sulkily.

 

`First I'm a bear and now I'm an onion. Damn, I'm versatile. What next? A rock? A cherry blossom, perhaps? Get on with it. I want out?' Zaraki asked impatiently.

 

`You will always be an idiot, Kenny. You see the answer and the questions but you ignore them. You have missed one of the larger questions and one of the most important answers. A needle is sharp only at one end, Kenny, but you are only blunt,' Atonomatsuri said a smug satisfaction returning to her voice as she contemplated the increasingly irate captain.

 

`More? You're telling me there's more,' the incredulous disbelief in his words stunned Zaraki. `I asked about the zanpaku-to, the whole truth, my hair, why I'm still here…'

 

`The bells, Kenny. Do not send to ask for whom the bell tolls. It tolls for thee, Kenny. It tolls for thee,' Atonomatsuri said seriously.

 

`Bells? The bells in my hair? I thought they were beside the point. You said you hated them from the beginning. I just thought they got dislodged,' Zaraki said confused and angry.

 

`An ant hole may collapse an embankment. Your bells like you eye patch are important. You persuade yourself that you use the bells so your opponent can hear you when you are fighting, but it is more than that. Eleven bells. I always believed there should be twelve, but you only use eleven. It could be that you use eleven because you have removed the traitor. I find that interesting,' Atonomatsuri mused.

 

`Eleven, twelve, what's it matter? I just thought eleven was the right number. It looks better to have a central bell at the top. Provides more symmetry. Arhh, forget I said that,' Zaraki scowled.

 

`Eleven is the number of enlightenment; a Master number. So strange that you should choose it. Maybe the excesses of the number appeal. We'll talk more about the significance of the number eleven later,' Atonomatsuri said.

 

`Not if I can bloody stop you, we won't,' Zaraki responded quickly.

 

`So why are the bells important? Bells celebrate victory, warn of death. God comes to see without ringing the bell. It made me wonder if, in your arrogance, you thought you were better than God because you ring the bells. You needed to be stripped of your bells to show your humility. You are not even close to God, Kenny,' Atonomatsuri said smoothly.

 

`What the flaming hell are you talking about? I've never heard that stupid adage before! God? I don't even believe in God. What proof is there that it exists? I wear the bells for the reason I've always given. There is no deeper motive. If I look like this and people still take me seriously, then I have proven myself to them,' Zaraki stated angrily.

 

`Gin Ichimaru did not take you seriously. He who smiles is always the stronger,' Atonomatsuri said.

 

`I don't want to talk about that traitor. He didn't take anyone seriously, except Aizen. Why do you keep mentioning them?' Zaraki asked, scowling heavily at Atonomatsuri.

 

`To remind you why you wanted to summon me, to release me in the first place. You wanted to be stronger. You thought if you summoned me, you would become stronger and you wanted that so you could beat Aizen and the others. A fool believes his own reasons, Kenny.'

 

`Enough of this. Have you stalled long enough? What are you hoping will happen? That I will declare undying friendship if you keep me here long enough? That I lose all reason and begin to like you? Well, it ain't about to happen. What are you waiting for, cretin? And don't start talking about numbers again,' Zaraki threatened.

 

`I am waiting for some sign, some little indication that you will release me when we return,' Atonomatsuri said in a small voice.

 

Zaraki looked at her stunned.

 

“Are you a fool? Do you think keeping me here longer will help? If I promise I will release you, will that do,' Zaraki said disbelievingly.

 

`No. Promises like pie crusts are made to be broken. We've been over this before. I thought we were building trust and then you try to strangle me and hurt my wing. The trust is shattered, just like most of the object here. Is there anything you won't destroy, Kenny? Anything you hold sacred? In the desert of life the wise person travels by caravan, while the fool prefers to travel alone. You will not trust me and thus you travel alone,' Atonomatsuri said sadly.

 

`I thought we went over this before. Do we have to keep saying the same things?' Zaraki sighed in frustration and gazed at the sky.

 

He remembered all the hopes he had when he first tried to discover her name. All the plans he had for quickly achieving bankai and proving himself worthy of the name Kenpachi Zaraki. Dreams were the ultimate foolishness. He knew what he needed to say, but felt uncomfortable at any thought of weakness. That was why he had attacked her again. The grudging admission of trust still galled him.

 

He sighed again and cleared his throat noisily, unwilling to say the words he needed to say. Looking around he saw that more items had been fixed; all the planets in the sky were not destroyed. For some reason, this made what he needed to say easier.

 

`I admit it. I want to be stronger and I know that I can only be stronger if I work with you. I would be that fool you think I am if I don't see that I need you. I may hate you, I may despise you. In fact I can't stand the sight or sound of you. But I need you. You need me too, Atonomatsuri. Remember that. I have to release you when I return because I need to share your power. If ever I want to achieve bankai, I need you to help me,' Zaraki said, slowly.

 

Atonomatsuri turned her disconcerting gaze upon him. It almost looked like she was smiling. She nodded slowly.

 

`Good, Zaraki. It's about time you realized that. Trust is good, but need is better. You must either modify your dreams or magnify your skills. I think it is time you magnified your skills, with me,' Atonomatsuri sighed. `One more thing, Kenny.'

 

`What is it this time? Not another boring revelation about a half truth that you are going to reveal?'

 

`No, this is important. I know one thing about you. You do not trust easily and you may come to distrust your memories of this time. I want to make certain that you do remember. Anyway, don't you want to pick up your zanpaku-to? Come closer and listen,' Atonomatsuri said.

 

Zaraki moved closer and bent to pick up his zanpaku-to. He felt a sharp pain in his thigh. He looked at Atonomatsuri. She waggled her tongue at him displaying the bard.

 

`Just something to remember me by, Kenny,' she sniggered. `I can't wait to see you out of your mind. My poison will be in your system when they find you, if they find you quickly enough. Think of it as payback for stepping on me. Tomorrow or next life which comes first, we will never know. Don't worry. I'm releasing you now….'

 

Atonomatsuri's voice faded into the distance as the poison took effect.

 

`Must kill her,' were Zaraki's thoughts as he fell into oblivion.

 

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Author's Note:

 

Zaraki is not dead. (Damn, I spoiled the cliffhanger!)

 

Atonomatsuri is not as clever as she thinks. She does get things wrong sometimes.

 

The `too late' power? That is something I want to explore later.

 

Next chapter will take place in Seireitei. I promise.

 

Thank you to yuwa for reviewing. I appreciate your comments. Also thanks to the people who've read this.

 

MS