Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Zanpaku-to? ❯ Funny Looks ( Chapter 44 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Tite Kubo owns Bleach.  I just borrowed the characters.  I do own Atonomatsuri (the bird) and Piecrust (the jerk).

“We’re late!” Yachiru said tensely as they drew close to First Division.  

“I had to do my hair,” Zaraki explained crossly again.  “Hell, if I’m going in for a fight I want to look right.”

Ayasewaga spoke through tight lips.  “I did offer my help.”

“Not going to happen,” Zaraki shivered a little.  He hated the thought of other people mucking around with his hair.  Attaching the bells took time and others didn’t know how to secure them properly.  “I know how I like it and other people make mistakes.”

Yachiru flashed a sudden smile at him.  “One day you’ll let me help.”

“You can think so,” he said not wishing to get into an argument.  “What’s that noise?”

As they drew closer they could hear the loud babble of conversation which indicated that a sizeable crowd was gathered.  “Do I have to have an audience?”

“It’s not just you, Ken-chan.  People are interested in what’s happening.  The last time anything this exciting happened was when Captain Frosty fought the Crimson Kamikaze but no one knew it was going to happen,” Yachiru explained.  She looked at Ayasewaga assessingly and remarked, “Can I sit on your shoulder to watch if the crowd’s too large?”

The look on the man’s face was beautiful to behold.  He seemed torn between quickly changing the subject and denying the request.  Then common sense overcame him and he nodded unhappily.  “Yes, Assistant Captain,” and then he seemed to have an idea, “but wouldn’t it be better to stay with the Captain.”

Her agreement was drowned out by the noise of the crowd.  They had arrived at the end of a street and couldn’t move forward.  Zaraki cleared his throat meaningfully and those nearest him heard and made way.  It seemed that news of his arrival spread as a path opened up before him and Zaraki took advantage of it.  Hearing murmurs he smiled widely at the interested faces and was pleased to see people backing away further.  One or two brave Shinigami reached out to clap him on the shoulder, but as soon as he turned to gaze at them, his smile widening considerably, their faces would pale and the hand would remain, stuck in mid-air.

The Old Man was waiting outside, leaning on his stick.  While his expression was impassive it was obvious he was not pleased to be kept waiting.  “Captain Zaraki, you are late.  As Captain Kurotsuchi was on time he invoked the clause about the challenge starting, irrespective of whether both participants were present.  The three judges agreed and he in already working on a solution.”  

What could he do about it?  Shrugging Zaraki smiled widely and stared down at the Captain-General.  “What’s the job?”

“Follow me,” and with that he turned and walked quickly through the path that quickly cleared before him.  Zaraki followed only to be startled by the number of people that managed to fit within the office.  All the Captains were there as well as the assistant captains and seated officers who were ambulatory.  But that was only the beginning.

“The next challenge will need to take place in 1st Division’s training ground,” the Old Man mumbled, as if to himself.  “Never before have I felt claustrophobic in my own office.”

Motioning for Zaraki to follow, he made his way to the middle of the room where Kurotsuchi was already standing, his gaze intent on what he was doing.  He seemed totally focused and sightly strained as he moved a stick over some shiny metal loops that hung on a wooden frame.  Even as they watched they heard a loud beeping noise and an exclamation from the crowd.  Although he didn’t speak, it was evident from the movement of his lips that the 12th Division Captain was swearing silently as he carelessly dragged the stick with the loop on the end back to one end of the contraption.

“Okay.  What gives?” Zaraki asked his superior officer.  This couldn’t be the challenge, or if it was, what was he meant to do?

“Read this,” the Captain-General said as he handed Zaraki a sheet of paper.

With a measure of doubt that he’d like what he’d read, he took the paper and glanced at the heading: “GOOD LUCK.  You’ll need it!”

That didn’t inspire any confidence but indicated that someone had a sadistic sense of humour.  Continuing to read he found that the challenge was limited to one hour and the object was to move the small round loop from one end of the metal maze to the other without touching it.  In order to make it noticeable, if the two metal pieces came in contact a loud buzzing noise would sound which would mean all the progress was void and the maze would need to be threaded once more.  The first one to complete the challenge was the winner.  If neither of them completed the challenge, then the one who was nearest the end would win.  In the event of a tie they would be given 10 minutes more.

As he finished reading the sheet he wondered who had thought this one up and how he or she had these things available so fast.  Not that it mattered, but perhaps there was some poor sod who liked these sorts of torturous devices.  

“You are 10 minutes late so you only have 50 minutes left,” the Captain-General’s assistant captain was at his elbow.  “You might want to start now.”

He didn’t want to start.  This wasn’t a real challenge, not the way he’d seen it, but what choice did he have?  If he didn’t try, then Kurotsuchi would win and that was unthinkable.  

Standing in front of his metal maze, he compared the two.  They were similar, but not the same.  Each looked convoluted and twisty but the complexity was very close.  If they hadn’t been then he was positive, that if permitted, Kurotsuchi would have chosen the easier one because he was there on time.  For that, Zaraki couldn’t fault him because he would have done the same.

“What happens if the buzzing thing goes off and I don’t go back to the beginning?”  It seemed a fair question.

“Then you are disqualified.”

“Figures.”

Picking up the stick he touched the two pieces of metal together deliberately.  It took little pressure for the buzzer to be activated, but now he had an idea of the permissible margin for error.  Another buzzer rang out and he turned to see Kurotsuchi glaring at him.  

“Stop fooling around, you fool,” the man all but spat at him.

He smiled widely at his competitor.  “It makes us even.”

The glare he received in return for his comment only confirmed that the man had hoped to have an advantage over him and possibly still did as he had a better knowledge of his maze, but that didn’t matter.

Trying to block out all external distractions, he picked up the stick and slowly, torturously began to move the metal loop over the pipe.  If he concentrated hard enough and managed to keep his hand steady he was certain that he would be able to complete this task quickly.  As long as no one interrupted or tried to distract him everything should be fin….

“Are you enjoying this?”

The sudden interruption made his hand jerk and set off the buzzer.  He’d progressed a quarter of the way and was not pleased about having to start again but he hadn’t been confident that he’d manage to finish on his first attempt.  All the same, the bird could have kept quiet, just for once.

“Shut up, Tweety,” he said through mental clenched teeth.  “Go and distract someone else.”

“I can’t.  You know I can’t and this looks like fun.  Can I help?”  Atonomatsuri sounded eager and that did not assure Zaraki that she was going to cooperate.

“Yes.  By keeping that yapper shut,” he replied as he dragged the loop back.  

“Now, Kenny boy, that’s not very nice,” she nagged.  Of course she was peeved, once more.

“I thought you already knew I’m not nice.”  Was she going to shut up anytime soon?

The silence only lasted seconds before she started again.  “I wish I could change places with you.”

“I can see that you’d be great at it,” the sarcasm dripped from his words.  The mental image of the bird attempting to complete this task almost made him smile.  Almost.

Starting again he tried to employ the mental block that kept her voice from intruding.  He had to concentrate fully on this or Kurotsuchi would win.  He didn’t want to lose anything more to that piece of refuse.  

“Watch out,” the bird warned loudly, causing him to swear loudly as his hand jerked involuntarily, jarring the metal pieces together.  “If you’d listened to me that wouldn’t have happened.”

His teeth were clenched so tightly together he could hear them grinding on each other and his jaw seemed to be set in concrete.  “If you hadn’t squealed in my ear it wouldn’t have happened.  Let’s get this straight.  No one can help me with this bloody thing.  Leave me to it.”

“Fine.  Be like that then,” Atonomatsuri said, the hurt obvious in her voice.

He considered grunting in reply but he was concentrating and didn’t think it was necessary.  Focused as he was on the task he barely noticed the commotion but saw some sort of altercation occurring out of the corner of his eye.  Deciding to ignore it he stared at the metal and tried to find that Zen consciousness that he’d heard people rave about.  It was supposed to be in his centre wherever that was.  Trying to work out where that could be drew his attention from what he was doing just enough so that his hand slipped and again he heard the loud buzz that warned he’d need to start again.

This new failure made annoyed him.  He’d tried to do something that people seemed certain would assist in any task and he couldn’t even begin because he didn’t even know where his effing centre was.  It mightn’t be the brightest thing to try something new in the middles of a challenge, but he had to use every advantage he could as the Clown Captain had started before him.

Releasing the stick he wiped the palm of his hand against his coat.  For some inexplicable reason he was sweating.  He could feel the water dribbling onto his chin and he rubbed his face and then his hands again.

“Yachiru, hold this for me,” he called as he pulled off his coat.  The heat was making it difficult to concentrate and the perspiration might make his hand slip.  As an after thought he took off his shirt, rubbed his chest, face, hands and back on it before handing it over to Yachiru.

“Captain Zaraki.  I’m not certain that you should do that.”

The female voice attracted his attention to the five people who were observing the event from in front.  One was the Captain-General.  The others were Assistant Captain Nanao Ise, Captain Komamura Sajin, Assistant Captain Izuru Kira and Assistant Captain Choujirou Sasakibe.  It was easy to guess that Assistant Captain Ise was the one who’s spoken.

“What’s the problem?” he asked simply.  “Any why are you telling me anything?”

“As the independent assessor,” she began.

“So you scored that job, did you?  Why should what I wear have any anything to do with it?”  He didn’t want to put his shirt back on; the sweat had cooled slightly and he was feeling more able to concentrate without the cloth rubbing against him.

“I don’t think it’s appropriate,” she finished her face flushing.

“I’ve kept my hakama on.  You don’t have to look if you don’t want,” he said dismissing her complaint.

“This is a formal contest and you should be arrayed in proper clothing,” she said tightly, her face averted.  Her cheeks were still red.

“Oh, don’t make him put his shirt back on,” Assistant Captain Matsumoto Rangiku yelled.  “It’s nice to see a few muscles.”

“Matsumoto, keep your opinion to yourself.  Have you been drinking?” her Captain reprimanded her sternly and she bowed her head, reproved.

Zaraki decided to try to play fair.  “There’s nothing in the rules about clothing.”

Captain Ukitake intervened.  “There isn’t.  Maybe after this competition is over we can revisit the rules.  For now we can let it pass.”

“I don’t think it is right,” Ise muttered.

Sasakibe’s voice brought them back to the point.  “Time is passing and we cannot extend the deadline.”

Ignoring further comments Zaraki picked up his stick only to be distracted once more when Kurotsuchi’s maze fell over with a loud clatter.  He’d only commenced but the noise made him react and the loud buzzing meant he had to return to the beginning.  Wondering why there was yet another interruption at his opponents’ maze he watched for a moment.  Kurotsuchi was yelling angrily.

“It’s not stable.  How can I be expected to work on such an unstable surface?  I am a man of science, not a person who indulges in idle pursuits like this,” his voice rose with each word.

For some reason Zaraki’s attention was drawn to Yachiru who was watching the man intently.  She opened her mouth as if to say something, then a small malicious smile crossed her features and she picked up the pages with the rules which she scanned quickly.  Her eyes flickered quickly between the man and the words as she nodded.    Instantly he wanted to ask her what had happened but a loud voice announced:

“Thirty minutes remain,” and the moment was lost.

Picking up the device once more, he concentrated wholly on threading through the blasted maze.  A few random thoughts about losing tried to intrude, but he blocked them out relentlessly.  If he started thinking like that the bird would chime in with some stupid observation and he’d only get irritated.

As he began to gain confidence he moved more swiftly through the twists and turns he had previously negotiated.  If nothing distracted him, if he didn’t sweat too much he could finish this and then beat up Kurotsuchi.  It was his damned fault he was here.  The lapse in concentration that occurred as a result of thinking about the captain of the 12th Division had the inevitable result.  His hand slipped and he was once again notified, loudly that he would have to start again.

Again he wiped his face hands and chest on his discarded shirt while ignoring the stupid comments directed at him.  Once this was over he’d have his reckoning with Ise and her captain.  

Addressing the problem of the maze he decided that he wouldn’t permit anything to break his attention.  There wasn’t much time remaining and a quick glance confirmed that his rival was almost finished.  For a second he thought that he’d witnessed the want touch the wire but as there was no accompanying buzz, he must be wrong.  

His absorption in the task paid off. Being over half way and in a state of mind that permitted little else to intrude the sudden urgent sound of his assistant captain’s voice almost made his hand slip.  Grimly he steadied it before he tried to continue.  It was not easy as the distraction increased and soon the yelling and arguing became too intrusive to permit the necessary concentration.  

“You may stop now, Captain Zaraki,” Sasakibe told him with a mixture of respect and patience.  “A serious allegation has been made which requires investigation.”

Happily he dropped the wand and the assistant captain stopped the buzzing by reaching behind the frame and pushing a switch.  Rotating his shoulders and stretching his neck, Zaraki turned to look at the commotion.  Kurotsuchi was surrounded by the rest of the judges who were all looking shocked and displeased while both Yachiru and Akon exchanged heated words.

“He cheated,” Yachiru said flatly as if she was repeating words she’s used many times before.

“It was an accident,” averred Akon.  

‘He accidentally pushed over the maze and accidentally, during the scuffle that followed, turned off the power so it wouldn’t buzz and then accidentally finished the thing quickly because he didn’t need to worry about the noise?  And then he accidentally turned the power on again?  I know because I was watching.  The judges were too busy to notice because they were picking up the maze and, then looking at the time.  The should have been watching.” Yachiru’s voice rose dramatically as she related the events.  “How many accidents can happen?”

“This is a serious allegation, Assistant Captain.  I have told you before; there is no proof in what you state.  You appear the only person who witnessed these events and as you have a personal interest in the matter we cannot accept only your word.”  Sajin sounded firm but apologetic.

His attention now completely engaged, Zaraki wondered if Yachiru had seen anything.  Knowing her, as he did, he believed that she thought she was telling the truth, but it might be that her imagination had constructed a truth to assist him in winning.

“I don’t lie,” Yachiru said, “at least not about important things like this.  Ken-chan, you believe me, don’t you?”  She looked at him pleadingly.

Nodding he indicated that while he had some reservations, he knew she didn’t lie about things she judged important, most of the time.

“We only have your testament to this,” Ise said, her expression severe.  “Captain Kurotsuchi completed the maze first and should thus be declared the winner.  And I was watching.”

“No you weren’t.  You were staring at Ken-chan,” Yachiru averred.  

“I saw Captain Kutosuchi cheat,” a hesitant voice admitted.  “He did touch the metal on many occasions and I noticed his hand near the switch after he finished.”  

All the heads of the judges turned to face the new claimant.  The assistant captain from 4th Division was biting her lip and trying to look brave.

“You can’t trust her,” screeched Kurotsuchi who had remained strangely silent until now.  “Her captain is friendly with Zaraki and she’d go to any lengths to support him.”

“Are you calling my sister a liar, you old windbag?”  The other Koutestu, Kiyone immediately planted herself in front of the 12th Division captain.  “Isane doesn’t lie.  It’s one of her biggest problems.”

“I saw him cheat too,” another, older Shinigami said and all fell silent.  No one dared interrupt the Captain-General and he continued. “As this competition was proceeding and I did not wish to disrupt what was occurring I remained silent.  The man cheated, deliberately.  Ukitake, what do the rules say about that?”  Yamamoto leant on his stick as he bent forward with apparent interest.

“Sir, you should have said something earlier,” Ise said with a mixture of deference and frustration.

“You do not tell me what to do, young woman.  As I have an interest in how the outcome of these challenges, I didn’t want to interfere.”  The harsh tone included an unmistakable reprimand and Ise flushed hotly at the words.

“Sir, if anyone is caught cheating, they are disqualified and the other contestant is declared the winner,” Ukitake said quickly as he glanced at a book he was carrying.

“The go ahead, do it.” Yamamoto raised an eyebrow.

“I didn’t cheat,” Kurotsuchi yelled and then became quiet as the Captain-General turned his gaze onto him.

“Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi.  You are disqualified from the first of these challenges due to cheating.  As a result Captain Kenpachi Zaraki is declared the winner,” Sajin declared loudly.  “That concludes the challenge for today.  Tomorrows challenge will take place in 1st Division’s training ground.  You should all now leave.”

The crowd which had remained mostly silent, except for a flurry of whispers began to leave and the noise level rose as people excitedly discussed the events.  

“You won Ken-chan,” Yachiru bounced happily in front of him.

“No, I didn’t win,” he said, unsatisfied at the outcome.  “I don’t count a disqualification as a win.”

“Nor should you, Kenny.  Cheaters never prosper.  Quitters never win,” Atonomatsuri sounded censorious.  

“I didn’t bloody quit.”  The bird was going too far, once more.

“I didn’t say you did.  I’m reminding you of a valuable lesson.”

Yachiru looked rueful at his reply.  “I think you won.  You were doing much better than the Clown Captain.  He kept glancing across to watch you and then he had to start again.”  As if struck by an idea she laughed.  “You should have seen his face when you took your shirt off.  Under the makeup he went a funny colour, at least I think so.  It’s hard to tell.”

Grateful for the reminder he donned his shirt and coat as Yamamoto neared.  “I would advise you to remain properly attired in future.  Congratulations on you success.”

“I’ll dress how I see fit,” Zaraki said, not wishing to concede anything.  “And I didn’t win.  Kurotsuchi lost.  There’s a difference.”

Yamamoto stared at him, amazement etched in his features.  “Captain Zaraki, remember who you are.”

No one let him forget who he was.  He prepared to grunt and then reconsidered.  “Sir, if the clothing restricts me I’ll remove it.  Or,” he grinned savagely, “we can do without the audience.”

Yamamoto shook his head.  “There is too much interest in this.  I imagine some profits could be made if we decided to sell tickets.”

“We could go into merchandising,” Atonomatsuri said excitedly.  

Schooling his features into an impassive expression he ignored her comment.  He was doing this because he’d agreed to, not to make money.  

“We need some money to replace the building destroyed during the time the Ryoka were here,” Yamamoto said thoughtfully.

“Do what you please,” Zaraki growled.  “Just don’t get me involved.”

The cool look he received didn’t worry him, but the words that accompanied it, did.  “To be seen as being fair you are now confined to 1st Division for the duration of the rest of these challenges.”

“What the hell are you saying old man?  I’m not the criminal,” Zaraki was not pleased to hear this suggestion.  “Why do I have to be locked up in an effing cell?”

“For your own protection,” Yamamoto said.  “There is the possibility that someone might attempt to prevent your participation.”

The idea was preposterous.  Who could harm him?  “I say no.”

“You haven’t been offered a choice.  It will also mean that you arrive on time.  I don’t wish for you to be banned from any future events due to your delayed entrance.”  The intense gaze of his superior made Zaraki feel uncomfortable.

“It won’t happen again,” he began.

“No, it won’t.  You will be lodged comfortably in a room, and permitted the occasional visitor until this is finalised and one of you emerges as the victor.  It also means you will be fed the same food and provided the same amenities,” Yamamoto continued, paying no attention to Zaraki’s words.

“I said no.”

“You don’t have a choice.  If we must we will use violence and I have made certain that Captain Unohana is prepared to sedate you, if you decide to be uncooperative,” Yamamoto was obviously asserting his authority.

Hating the situation he pulled out what he thought was his trump card.  “I won’t try to win.”

A small chuckle preceded the reply.  “You will because it’s not in your nature to lose.  You have a grudge against the Captain of the 12th Division, for whatever reason, and now you have the opportunity to embarrass him.  I don’t think you will let this opportunity pass.”

The man was correct.  “I want sake!”

“In moderation any request will be granted, but know this, Captain.  You will be expected to perform to the best of your abilities.  During your stay, there will be no drunkenness or drinking competitions.  Fighting will be only permitted if it is called for in the competition.”

The man was hemming him in and he didn’t like it.  

“You better do as he says, Kenny boy.  I think he’s serious,” Atonomatsuri said.

“Can I stay with Ken-chan?” Yachiru was holding his hand tightly and looked up, hope shining on her face.

“I can’t allow that.  You will be permitted to visit, but you must take over running the Division in his absence,” Yamamoto unbent a little, but his tone and posture reminded them that he was the authority here.  “Ayasewaga will help you as will Madarame when he is healed.”

“No choice.  Fine.  Great.  I want sake to celebrate my victory,” Zaraki sounded as sour as he felt.  

“It will be provided as well as a nutritious meal.  Sleep well, Captain.  A complete set of the rules is available in your room.  You would be well advised to read them, carefully,” Yamamoto said and then motioned to the burly Shinigami who were standing near by.  “These people will take you to your room.  Be prepared for tomorrow.”

“Don’t even try to touch me,” Zaraki barked at the men who were moving close, “unless you want something severed.  I’ll come, but only because I choose to.”

As he began to walk toward the place in which he would be confined, Atonomatsuri spoke.  “Very wise, Kenny.  We can talk once we get to the room.”

That just made his hour.  First being confined, and now a prolonged discussion with Atonomatsuri.  He hoped the sake would arrive soon.
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Author’s Note:

If you noticed I didn’t tell you who made up the first challenge; that was deliberate.  There has been much time spent trying to devise each trial but now most of them are set, unless Atonomatsuri forces me to change my mind.  Or Zaraki.  
Please review.

MS

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