Buffy The Vampire Slayer Fan Fiction / Supernatural Fan Fiction ❯ Resurrection ❯ Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Don't own them.

Sorry for the long wait.

 

Chapter 5

 

 

Sam smiled as he saw Xander curled up against him in the bed. Having Xander so close felt...right, in a way nothing had since Jess had died. He studied Xander's features as the younger hunter slept, actually half glad that the hyena had pressed the issue for them since neither of them had been willing to take that first step, despite being separated, twice, by death. Xander shifted in his arms and then sleepy brown eyes blinked open and Xander smiled at him.

 

“Morning.” Sam whispered, leaning closer but not actually kissing him, not sure if Xander wanted to. Xander smiled and closed the distance between them.

 

“Yep, the evil sun has risen.” Xander groaned once they'd parted, making Sam chuckle.

“Any idea when Dean and Uncle Bobby will be home?”

 

“Another day or two.” Sam answered, rolling onto his side so they were staring at each other. He reached out to trace the scars on Xander's chest, thankful that the injuries from the hellhounds hadn't scarred. Xander blushed slightly but let Sam do as he wanted before reaching out to trace the scars on Sam's body.

“Can I ask you something?” Sam asked hesitantly and Xander nodded.

“Before you...died and after I did...you didn't seem to want to be near me. Why?” Sam asked and Xander shifted uncomfortably.

 

“It wasn't you Sam, well it was but... Every time I was near you I had to fight the urge to jump you. I didn't think you'd want that so I pulled away, sorry.” Xander explained and Sam relaxed, glad that it hadn't been his being brought back that had made Xander pull away.

 

“Trust me; there would have been no complaints.” Sam admitted with a grin and Xander laughed, leaning in to kiss him again.

 

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Dean watched Bobby pace, trying not to laugh at the man he saw as a second father. Okay it was the first time Bobby had left Xander since the younger man had been literally brought back to life but this constant worry was a little excessive. Xander was well on the way to getting back to hunting and he had Sam with him so they'd be fine. If everything went well that night they'd soon be on their way back to the salvage yard but obviously that wasn't enough for the aging hunter.

 

“Just call them already Bobby, don't want to have to pay for damage to the carpet because you manage to wear a hole in it.” Dean teased, tossing Bobby's phone to him. Bobby glared briefly but gave in a dialled.

 

“Sam, everything okay there?” Dean grinned as Bobby greeted his brother and flopped onto his bed. He knew Sam would have everything under control.

“Well....alright. Yeah, everything's fine here. Just checking. Should finish up tonight so we'll be back day after tomorrow hopefully. Let Xander know....right. See ya.” Bobby hung up and Dean was happy to see the small smile on the hunter's face.

 

“Told you so.” Dean muttered and then dodged the take out carton that came flying his way.

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Sam smiled at Xander as they stumbled around each other preparing lunch. When Sam tripped on a chair and collapsed into it Xander lost it and started laughing.,

 

“Okay so we both suddenly have two left feet because we've finally gotten our acts together?” Xander finally got out and Sam blushed slightly.

“Sam...” Xander sighed and then walked over to straddle Sam on the chair.

“There's no pressure Sam, we'll take things as they come.” Xander whispered and Sam nodded.

“So relax.” Xander admonished, leaning in to kiss him. Sam wrapped his arms around Xander, pulling him closer and hesitantly deepening the kiss. He had to forcefully remind himself that Xander was nearly five years younger than him and had been dead for over a year so really the age gap had grown since physically Xander hadn't aged while dead. Sam knew enough about Xander's life to know he'd never had a true, long lasting, loving relationship like he had had with Jess so he should move slowly. All that went out the window when Xander ground his hips against Sam's. Lunch could wait.

 

Xander grinned as Sam stood, managing to take his weight but Xander lowered his legs so he was standing although he left his arms wrapped around Sam as they kissed. He gently pushed Sam in the direction of the stairs and Sam took the hint, when they reached the stairs they stopped kissing and Sam pulled him upstairs only to hesitate, which room? Xander rolled his eyes and pulled Sam towards his room since he had the bigger bed. They tumbled onto it in a tangle of limbs, laughing and teasing each other's flesh as they slowly explored with hands and mouths. Shirts and shoes were removed but nothing more as they continued their explorations. Not even the hyena was pushing them to fully mate and for that Xander was grateful.

 

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It took a second for Sam to realise what had woken him and then he was tugging Xander into his arms. Xander's face was damp with sweat, his hair plastered to his skin as he muttered and thrashed in his sleep. He tried to sooth Xander into a deeper sleep, gently rubbing circles on his back but there was no affect.

 

“Xander its okay, you're safe.” He whispered in the younger hunter's ear.

“Come on Xander, you need to wake up.” He tried again, louder but Xander just thrashed harder.

“Xander!” Sam yelled, having to straddle Xander to try and keep him on the bed. He grabbed the fist headed for his face, pinning Xander's hands to the bed.

“Xander!” He screamed this time and brown eyes shot open, wild and unseeing. Xander continued to fight him and Sam kept his hold as gentle as he could, trying to talk Xander back from wherever his dreams had taken him. Brown flashed green once and then slowly began to focus on Sam's face.

 

“Sam?” Xander croaked out and Sam nodded, relaxing his grip on Xander and rolling off him to lie beside him, wrapping his arms around Xander's waist.

“What happened?” Xander asked, able to feel and hear Sam's heart racing and he burrowed into Sam's embrace, offering comfort.

 

“You wouldn't wake up, it scared me.” Sam whispered, kissing Xander's temple gently.

“Go back to sleep if you can.” Sam told him and smiled as he felt Xander slowly drift off again. Sam spent the next several hours watching over him and waking Xander every time it seemed a nightmare was starting.

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Sam wrapped his arms around Xander's waist hesitantly and Xander looked up to smile at him, letting Sam know his actions were welcome.

 

“What's wrong?” Sam whispered and Xander looked down.

“Xander please, let me help.” Sam pleaded softly and Xander shuddered.

 

“Sam...I...” Xander trails off, unable to tell him why he had woken them both with a blood curdling scream that morning. The first night and day had been perfect but last night... last night the nightmares had come back. But how could he tell Sam how much he remembered?

 

“Xander those weren't normal nightmares. I can't help if you won't talk to me.” Sam practically begged and Xander turned to bury his face in Sam's shirt, wrapping his arms around Sam's waist.

“Please.”

 

“Sam...”

 

“Whatever it is you can tell me. I just want to help.”

 

“I remember.” Xander whispered and Sam froze before tightening his grip on Xander. He didn't have to ask what Xander meant; there was only one thing he could be talking about. Sam placed a gentle kiss on the top of Xander's head, trying to convey that he was there for him. Xander shuddered slightly and Sam dropped to his knees, bring them to an equal height. He cupped Xander's face in his hands and gently kissed his forehead, then each eyelid before moving onto his cheeks and then finally his lips. Xander let out a broken sounding sob and then collapsed into Sam's arms. Sam knew there was nothing he could do except be there for Xander, nothing he said would make the memories go away and it was called hell for a reason.

 

“It's okay Xander. I'm here if you want to talk about it, it could help. I can't pretend to know what you went through but no matter what I'm not leaving you. I love you Xander, I lost you one, twice technically I guess, and I'm not letting you go again.” Sam soothed as he ran his fingers through the lengthening chocolate strands. Xander needed a haircut but the one time it had been offered Bobby had backed off, seeing the growing panic in Xander's eyes. Just what had happened to Xander in hell?

 

“We....we weren't tortured, not like the others. Primal spirits, merged with a human soul, kick ass even in Hell. Carved out our own little corner and defended it against everything. There were some demons that were pretty insistent though in getting us to go somewhere even the hyena was wary of. The fights just sort of blend together, but I can hear the screams in my sleep. All those tortured souls crying out for help and we couldn't do anything.” Xander admitted softly and Sam knew he wasn't saying everything but that was okay; he could fill in the blanks himself to a certain degree.

 

“There was nothing you could have done, if you'd tried to help it wouldn't have done anything but increase the fights you went through and it's not like you could get those souls out of hell. You did nothing wrong.” Sam assured him, looking deeply into brown eyes; he'd noticed they carried now permanent flecks of green from the hyena but it didn't bother him, the hyena was a part of Xander, always had been even if she was more tightly bound and closer to the surface than before Xander had died.

“You did what you had to do to survive Xander and no one can judge you for that.” Sam kissed him again and then pulled Xander into the kitchen, intent on making him eat a good meal. He knew Xander sometimes forgot to eat now unless someone put food down in front of him but that was okay because Xander was never left alone. Once Xander was done eating Sam led him back upstairs where they curled up in bed together, Sam gently soothing Xander into a dreamless sleep and then laying awake to make sure Xander suffered no nightmares.

 

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Sam felt like a zombie but he hid it because he could see the guilt and shame in Xander's eyes. Last night hadn't been as bad as the previous one but Xander had still woken screaming a few times. Sam hated the fact that Hell still haunted Xander, he couldn't do anything to stop it. They couldn't try sleeping pills, they could lock Xander in the dream and he didn't react well to them normally. They'd tried warm milk, Sam reading until Xander fell asleep and holding him though the night...nothing seemed to work. Sam let Xander get the phone when it rang, assuming it'd be Bobby saying they would be home soon.

 

“Buffy? Hey Slay gal, how's Sunnydale.” Sam smiled and left the room as he heard Xander greet his old friend.

 

 

“Hey Xander.” Buffy's greeting was subdued, making Xander frown in concern.

 

“What's up? You alright?” He asked and heard Buffy sigh.

 

“Fine.” She answered and Xander rolled his eyes.

 

“Liar.”

 

“Look who's talking.” Buffy shot back and they fell silent.

“Do you feel....empty? like you're just going through the motions? Can't connect with anyone?” She finally asked quietly and Xander closed his eyes.

 

“Buffy...you need to talk to someone there. I...what I feel is different, we were in very different places. For me being back is...wonderful, exciting and well...I have someone Buffy. We were dancing around it before but now...You can't let what happened pull you down. Yeah, Earth probably isn't as good as Heaven but you're family's here. Just act normal, eventually you'll find it's not an act anymore. Talk to Tara, she'll listen and not judge.” Xander babbled and he found it felt right. He had Sam and Bobby and Dean...hell had no hold on him anymore. He grinned and just knew he wouldn't be having any nightmares that night, not with Sam beside him.

 

“Who have you found?”

 

“Sam, my mate. He's done the dead thing too though only for a day or so and he doesn't remember anything. He stays with me no matter how bad the nightmares get. I can listen Buffy but you need someone who's there with you.”

 

“Yeah...thanks Xander.”

 

“No problem, I'm always here for you Buffy.” They hung up and Xander went off in search of Sam. Bobby and Dean would be home soon and he had a few things he wanted to do to Sam while they still had the place to themselves.

 

TBC...