Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Card Captor Sakura - Altered World ❯ Unrequited Love ( Chapter 13 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Card Captor Sakura - Altered World
Card Captor Sakura - Altered World

Notes: : This fanfic is S+S, and has mature concepts. Read at your own risk. I'm poor; don't sue. I don't own CCS at all.
*Beware* Dark chapter.


Chapter 10: Unrequited Love
Part 1: Feelings

"Sakura, what are you doing so late at night?" complained Cerberus. It was 1:00 AM, and Sakura's bedroom lights were still on.
"Nothing," replied Sakura softly, gently guiding her finger over a photo. She sat up in her desk; her homework was pushed to the side, already completed. She had a daydreaming look on her face. Cerberus got up from his bed and flew down in front of her. Sakura's finger lay on a man with grey hair. He wore glasses and had a cheerful smile adorning his face.
"Who's that?" asked Cerberus breaking Sakura out of her reverie. Faint tinges of pink appeared on her face and she replied with a faint smile, "Yukito-san. He's very important to me."
"How come I've never seen him hanging around?" said Cerberus, looking at Sakura with his beady eyes.
"He went off to study in to Tokyo with my brother."
"Hmm… well it's getting late already and you've been tired from catching so many cards lately. Go to bed," ordered Cerberus.
"Okay," said Sakura like an obedient child. Cerberus watched her settle into her bed and then hopped into his own. The guardian watches over the child…

The bell rang.
Made it on time, happy!
Sakura smiled and relaxed in her seat.
"Sakura-chan, you look a bit tired, I mean from besides the running to class," commented a slightly worried Tomoyo from beside her.
"It's nothing really. I just stayed up a bit too late last night," said Sakura smiling, and waving her hand in a nonchalant manner.
"Why?"
"Just thinking about someone," replied Sakura with a blissful smile.
Tomoyo suppressed the urge to frown.

Her head really, really hurt.
Sakura did not raise her head from her folded arms at the sound of the teacher's arrival. Ugh. Math. Her mind was definitely not in the state for calculations though calculator based they may be. She felt someone tap her shoulder. Blearily she looked behind her to see Li-kun's slightly concerned face. She smiled her thanks at him and turned around again, hoping lunch would come soon so caffeine could refresh her. Behind her, she heard a female voice berating the person that tried to wake her up. The male voice vehemently denied anything that she had accused him of. She wondered why they were arguing again. Tomoyo-chan had dubbed it "Lover's quarrel." Somehow, she felt that wasn't an accurate description. There was something definitely wrong about the "Lover's" part. Oh, and she was ignoring the drone of her teacher. Maybe that's why she didn't do so well in this subject… Hoe, what was that? Footsteps?
A young man, with a very fragile looking face, stepped into the classroom. Sakura shot up in her desk.
"Yukito… -san…"
"Ah! Ohayo Sakura-chan!" replied the young student teacher. Murmured whispers began to travel throughout the room. But to Sakura, everything was nonexistent, except for the man that was smiling gently at her.

Why the hell was his heart beating so rapidly? Why the blood was pounding in his head? That guy, why was he having this strange effect on him? Syaoran didn't know. He didn't like it, this feeling made him feel weak. He could not concentrate on the lesson that was being taught but no matter, he excelled in math anyway. These feelings were confusing though…
The girl, it appeared that she knew that guy. Syaoran found that he was unconsciously glaring at her and stopped himself immediately. Jealousy? Why? And the strange thing was that he had been feeling the same towards the girl recently too, but not to a great extent as this guy. When he looked at this guy, he could not think straight.
Attraction? Syaoran fought the urge to panic. He didn't like men, right? He spent so long in boy's school, there was no way he wouldn't know his preferences… right? He glanced at the grey-haired man cautiously. His head began to spin and he quickly looked back down to continue staring at his desk.
Shit, what if he was just discovering his attraction to men now? Mother would definitely not be happy. He dug his nails into his thigh with his right hand. Maybe she would disown him… No, he was needed for her little bloodline continuity project. She would find out sooner or later. She always had a way of finding every insignificant secret he had. What would she do? Probably rush his marriage to Meiling. He unconsciously gripped his thigh tighter. He was not ready for such a thing yet. It would take an eternity for him to be ready. Pain escalated in his thigh and he let go, he probably had a few bruises there now.
How could he be sure though? Not Meiling definitely. Other girls were almost just as bad and he didn't want to encourage them. There was only one choice. Only one girl who was too dense to notice. The person he could not control his lust for. Her.

Tomoyo was definitely having a bad day. First, her Sakura-chan was still longing after the man who did not love her more. It was simple affection for a small child. Maybe she should have told her beloved friend. No, it was something that Sakura had to learn by herself. Tomoyo had no right to tell her such things, because of her own heart. To make matters worse, the man had come back. This would probably intensify the feelings already present in Sakura's heart. She glanced backwards to her little "experiment." Great, just great, he was trying to get a good view of the backside of Sakura's figure. He was back to being the hormone driven lost boy. The idiot. Tomoyo hurriedly wrote a few words on a piece of paper and copied a random question from her mathematics text.

Syaoran was interrupted from his "experimentation" by the all too familiar voice of Daidouji.
"Li-kun, could you help me with this question?" said Daidouji with no edge in her voice, but there was something shining in her eyes. Syaoran fought the urge to squirm. She placed a paper on his desk despite protests from Meiling saying that she was just as able.
He scanned the paper and flushed.
"What are you doing? I thought you were better than that. Be more careful, Meiling-chan is just sitting beside you."
He glanced at the question and calculated the answer quickly. He handed the paper back to Daidouji, silently, and looking carefully away.
Daidouji was right. He wasn't being careful with Meiling's feelings. He glanced at Meiling. She caught it and smiled cheerfully at him. Guiltily, he looked away and pretended to be concentrating on finding x using synthetic division and then the quadratic formula. There had to be someway to test out whether he was still attracted to women. The video was definitely out of the question; there was no way to get Meiling out of the house. Daidouji looked very displeased with him so he would need a way around her. He needed a plan…

It had to be a dream. Definitely a dream, she thought as she watched Yukito. Her cheeks were stained pink, and her eyes were focused on that one man. Yukito caught her stare. He smiled and waved at her. Hanyann! Sakura smiled back at him timidly and looked downwards. She clutched her hands together tightly at her thighs. This was real. He was here, no longer in Tokyo, studying with her brother. She continued to fiddle with her hands as she thought of her love for him. Maybe she would confess her feelings towards him, now that he was back. Not a simple visit where it seemed that he was there for one moment and then gone, as time seemed to speed around him. He was in Tomoeda, if not for good, at least for a long time. Her feelings… they had never died despite the many years. She was sure it was not a crush but pure love. Yes, she was in love. The rapid beating of her heart when he was here, the anxiety felt when his presence was gone, the intense burning felt in her cheeks… There was no way this could not be love, right?
"Sakura-chan? Is there something wrong? Are you having problems doing your homework?" asked the ever-gentle voice of Yukito.
"Err, no! I'm just thinking about something!" she stuttered and dug her math text out her bag. She smiled nervously at Yukito and pretended to concentrate.

She was there. Alone. This was a chance. He grabbed her wrist and Sakura turned around, startled at him.
"Li-kun!"
"I need to talk to you for a moment," he said with an expressionless face. No anger, no embarrassment. Just void of expression.
"Sure," she said with a smile, fighting the uncomfortable tension building in her mind.
She let him lead her away, past stairs and hallways until they were outside. He chose a somewhat secluded space, surrounded by trees. Sakura felt panic overwhelm her. Was he after the cards again? No, and didn't he help her a few times? Trust. She had to trust him.
"Even though we are rivals for the cards, I hope there is no animosity between us…" Syaoran said. Just lead her on and get what you want.
"So you want to be friends with me?" said Sakura with joy written all over her face.
He nodded, ignoring the lie he had just made. It could haunt him later. This was more important than honour.
"We are already friends! But, I'm so happy you asked!" she said and gripped him around the waist tightly. Just as he thought she would.
Where was that feeling? Shouldn't he feel lust? He felt nothing but overwhelming guilt. He was playing with her feelings just to get what he desired. He bowed his head and gently pushed her away. The test had failed.

Part 2: Desire and the Trial

Should he be still trying this? He shook that thought away and lifted the window. Despite the disaster the afternoon was, there would be a greater disaster awaiting him if he could not determine his feelings. He walked into her room again, for the third time in his life. Still the same, yet everything seemed to be changing uncontrollably around him. The passage of time cannot be stopped, and through it things may be destroyed or created. This is life.
She lay there. Her blanket had fallen to her waist. The top few buttons of her white shirt had become undone through her shifting in her sleep. Her lips were slightly parted, and her chest heaved minimally, as if you would not see her breathe unless you gave the utmost attention.
Syaoran closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could do this. All he had to do was just feel her. If he felt lust then he would be fine. If he didn't then… His trembling right hand hovered above her chest. Taking another deep breath, he lowered it. And stopped. His eyes flashed open. It was impossible to do this. He could not. He would rather face his mother than this.
Syaoran tried to move his immobile hand away. She chose at this moment to unconsciously grasp his hand to her exposed portion of her chest. He stumbled and he pushed his other hand on her mattress to steady and prevent himself from falling on top of her. She snuggled deeper against his arm and his mouth went dry. He burned where flesh and flesh made contact. His blood coursed through his veins. She released his hand but he did not remove it from where it lay. She was lying there completely vulnerable to him. With almost a mind of its own, his hand slid down between her breasts and the flat of her stomach. Then it travelled down a hip and back up to its previous position.
Syaoran could do it. He could take her. There was a voice in the back of his mind that was insisting this was wrong. Wrong. WRONG. And he chose to ignore it. He could easily overpower her if she woke. Consequences? If it did come down to it, he would just wed her. His engagement to Meiling would be cancelled then. He would have the Clow Cards in his grasp. He would know why he felt this lust towards her. So many solutions at once… for one sacrifice.
Her happiness? What about her happiness? She would not be with the one she loved but she would live a life carefree of everything. The clan had more than enough money to provide her a life of luxury. Besides, why would she deserve happiness when he had none? He moved his hand to unbutton her shirt further. And the voice broke through.
"We are already friends!"
Startled, he moved his hand away and stumbled backwards. He stared at his hand in absolute horror and choked on a scream. He crawled out the window and slammed it down to close it, not caring if he made noise. He ran on the rooftop, jumping from one to another, not caring about coordination. Just had to get away. His foot slipped off a roof and he blindly groped for anything. His hand caught the drainage pipe, preventing injury to his body. He pulled himself up and curled into a ball. He buried his face in his knees. No, he would not cry. He raised his head. Strong, needed to be strong.
He continued his path home. He jumped onto his balcony and pulled the doors aside. He undressed and stumbled onto his bed. Ignoring the cold, he did not bother to pull his covers over his shivering body. He curled into a fetal position again. Right now, he was weak, so weak. He choked on a sob.

"Meiling, I'm not going to school. I don't feel well," Syaoran said as she tried to push him out of bed.
"Then I'm not going with you," was her stubborn reply.
"Don't bother. Just go. I don't need you," Syaoran said harshly.
"I'm staying. I'll cook congee for you to eat. Just stay in bed," said Meiling, her words driven with her willpower.
"Why are you doing this?" he asked while turning away in the other direction.
"Do you really need an answer, Syaoran?" she replied softly. He answered with silence.
"I'll start cooking," she said and exited his room. He clutched his wrist with his left hand and stared at his hand.

"I wonder why Li-kun and Meiling-chan are not at school today," said Sakura, looking at the vacant seats behind her and her friend.
"It's weird, isn't it?" commented Tomoyo.
"I want to see what is the matter with them," said Sakura sincerely.
"Let's bring their homework to them after school then."

"Oh, Daidouji and Kinomoto," greeted Meiling when she answered the door.
"Hello Meiling-chan, we were worried about you and Li-kun," said Sakura.
"Meiling-chan, we have your homework. May we come in?" asked Tomoyo.
"Come in," said Meiling, ushering them in. They removed their shoes and Meiling voiced an apology, "Sorry, we don't have slippers for guests. Syaoran and I don't expect visitors."
"It's okay. Where is Li-kun?" asked Sakura, noticing his lack of presence.
"Syaoran is sick, I stayed home to take care of him," said Meiling as she led them into the living room. Tomoyo opened her book bag and handed Meiling several sheets of paper.
"If you don't mind, can I see Li-kun?" asked Sakura with worry.
"He's in his room. Just go down the hallway, last room. If he's sleeping, don't wake him," said Meiling, concealed worry for Syaoran evident in her voice.

Sakura headed down the hallway with soft footsteps. She opened the door and saw Syaoran on his bed, facing the other direction. She closed it behind her.
"What is it Meiling? I don't need anything. I want to be left alone."
"It's Sakura, Li-kun."
She was here. He felt dizzy and the room began to swim. Unconsciously, he tightened the grip around his wrist. He was not ready to face her yet. Nor would he be ever.
"Go away," he said harshly.
"What is wrong? I want to help," she said earnestly.
Silence.
"I want you to tell me."
No answer.
"Is this something I shouldn't know?"
"No, you need to know."
Deserve to know, even though you'll never look at me with those same innocent eyes again.
"Then tell me."
Yet, he could not tell her the whole truth.
"I almost did something very immoral. I lost control. I'm afraid it may happen again…"
She watched him, her expression completely gentle and understanding. He gathered his courage and asked one question with an answer that could tear his soul apart completely, "Do you think that person would forgive me for what I did?"
"I'm sure that person would," she replied without hesistating.
He turned around to stare at her. How could she forgive him when he could not forgive himself? Yet, there was such a big relief, and warmth that he did not deserve.
"Why are you being so kind to me?" he choked.
Sakura walked up to his bed and said, "Because we are friends."
Suddenly he tore his hand away from his wrist and knelt on his bed. He wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled his face into the crook of her neck. So much warmth and understanding... and you give this to me. Her stiffened form relaxed and she petted his hair to comfort him.
Important. For the first time in his life, he felt important. This girl had given him kindness and expected nothing in return. Not out of love, not out of duty, not to get his gratitude and use it against him. Just because she wanted to help him. The lust was still there in the back of his mind, but right now… There was this feeling that was overwhelming the lust. It was indescribable. It was powerful. It was everything. His head moved away from her neck and…
The door slammed open.

"SYAORAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING!" yelled Meiling at the top of her lungs. Syaoran realised his position with the girl must look sexual. He released his grip on her waist and scrambled backwards on his bed. His face burned completely red."Sakura-chan! How could you not tell me about your first make out session! I wanted to film it!" accused Tomoyo.
"That's not it!" protested a red-faced Sakura and then after a moment of realization, "What do you mean film it?!"
Meiling grabbed onto Syaoran's neck and gave him the hug of death.
"Syaoran! How could you when you already have me!"
She listened to him splutter with little of her attention. She focused her attention on the brown-haired girl with the shining green eyes.
Kinomoto, thank you for bringing the light back into Syaoran's eyes. Even though the process means…
Flash of Syaoran kneeling on the bed, his arms around Sakura's waist. His eyes are heavy lidded and his mouth slightly parted. His lips are an inch away from reaching Sakura's neck.
… slowly losing him to you.


Author's Notes:
Oh boy, I think Syaoran fans are going to rip my throat out for this… But my evil muse told me to. I cannot resist it. Maybe I feel that most people are taking Syaoran's sexual frustration too lightly though it has been mainly for humour so far.
Where was Cerberus during the Sakura's room scene? Sleeping of course.
Normally I don't think Syaoran would cry, but the situation called for it...
Care, I have no idea why the author alert does not work and how amusing Care, you must be psychic.^^ Right when I was about to fix Syaoran, you start threatening him. ^^ Well the last chapter was written in the middle of my depression and I was struggling to get it through… Not to mention it would be hard to make it realistic considering the situation so I went towards a more comedic side. ^^ Also while I was writing that, I kept thinking of this chapter. I get easily distracted, don't I. ^^;;;
Now if you didn't figure it out already, Sakura and gang are in grade 10. Not 11.
I'm kind of puzzled why Sakura and her brother are a year older than for the grade they are in the anime. I'm guessing what math they would be doing since I know Ontario's high school math is behind many other places.
Thanks to these two OSTs, which helped me, write this chapter:
In Memories -A Boy Meets the Man (from Rurouni Kenshin OAV)
Arima Souichirou I (Kareshi Kanojo No Jijou)
Argh, I just thought of another fic idea! (Shoot me!) I must keep it in my mind until I finish this fic. That is if I'll write it… (*Sob* I don't think I can take on another fic)
I wonder why I really wrote this. I'm just begging for flames, aren't I?


April 15, 2001, Christine Chan aka Kinomoto Sakura of Ffnet