Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Card Captor Sakura - Altered World ❯ Author and the Crazy Cast Party ( Chapter 27 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Card Captor Sakura - Altered World

Notes: This fanfic is S+S for you mindless sap luvers, and will deal with more mature concepts because this author is a nut. Read at your own risk, and definitely be very, very afraid. I don't own CCS, but if you sue you can have my penny collection.
*BEWARE OF WEIRDNESS AND CHARACTER ABUSE and OOC! Sorry OOC Eriol IS FUN!!! PEOPLE WHO CANNOT STAND THE ABOVE SHOULD SKIP THIS!

[Groovy! is playing in the background.]
Author: Yay!!!! Altered World 2/3 finished! I can almost finally quit and go back to being my horribly lazy self!
A shoe smacks into the Authors face.
Author (throws shoe back at someone, knocking person unconscious): Now, introducing Sakura!!!
Sakura (terrawatt smile): Hi!
Author: Nice skirt you got there, let me guess… Tomoyo made it.
Sakura: Hooeee? You like it?
Sakura glances at her short skirt with puffy shorts and a LOAD of ribbons.
Author (shrugs): It's cute though in real life you'd become a laughingstock.
Sakura facefaults with a sweatdrop.
Author (picking up Sakura from ground): Next, Tomoyo!
Tomoyo (holding her camera and filming Sakura. Sakura sweatdrops.): Hello. Thank you very much for inviting me.
Author: No problem. Could you turn that off? I mean let's have some fun here!
Tomoyo: But how could I miss any precious moments of my Sakura-chan? OHOHOHO! Anyway. filming Sakura IS fun.
Sakura: To-Tomoyo...
Author (sweating from behind Sakura, equally sweating): Next is Kero-chan!!!
Kero-chan: Now the great and mighty Cerberus, Guardian of the Seal, is making his grand appearance. (Whispers) Where is the pudding you promised me?
Author bursts out laughing at the sight of Kero-chan in front of her face. You don't know how long it took for me to look at Kero-chan and not laugh. Especially at the ending song, Groovy!
Kero-chan (twitching): Why are you laughing for?!
Author (hiding her hands behind her back for protection): Sorry! Automatic reaction. Pudding is at the refreshments table.
Kero-chan: Pudding! Well, I guess you are okay then. Bye!
Kero-chan flies face first into the pudding, and will probably be stuffing his face for the rest of the party.
Author: Next is Syaoran!
Syaoran: There you are!
Syaoran whips out his sword.
Sakura: HOOOEEEE?!
Tomoyo smiles knowingly.
Author, in a strange feat of strength, lifts Sakura and places her in between herself and Syaoran.
Syaoran: Don't hide behind her, you coward!
Syaoran attempts to circle around Sakura.
Sakura: Why are you attacking the author?
Syaoran: This is for Chapter 3, Interlude I and II! And more where I've suffered at the clutches of her ruthless evil! The conniving ^*(#$^( #$*(&!
Sakura stares wide-eyed at Syaoran. Syaoran looks away and coughs nervously.
Syaoran: Ahem. I mean the perverted female dog.
Sakura: Hoe? Perverted?! How?
Author: Syaoran does a good impression of a deer caught in headlights.
Tomoyo: I agree.
Syaoran: WHY YOU!!!
Author: Sorry!!! I did it as a temporary joke, but then people liked it so much and…
Syaoran: Shut up! I thought you didn't care how many people like your story and you were doing solely on what you wanted to do!
Author: Eep. Damn, I wonder how many people heard that.
Syaoran: Now come out and let me introduce you to a lightning storm.
Syaoran shows off his ofuda collection.
Sakura: Now, I'm sure that we can come up with a solution.
Syaoran: Tell her that!
Syaoran begins to waves his sword like a madman.
Author: Damn. I didn't want to do this…
Author snaps her fingers and pulls out a laptop from Fanfiction Writer's Dimensional Space TM.
Author: O Keyboard which hides the forces of darkness, reveal thy true form before me. I, Christine, command thee under contract. Release!
Everyone waits patiently, nothing happens. A sweating Author flips open her laptop and waits for the forever long load time of crappy Windows. Tomoyo, Sakura looks over her shoulders and Syaoran looks on, feeling suddenly uneasy.
Author loads Winamp and opens up Word. She skims through her play list and opens everyone's favourite Sakamoto Maaya song.
Laptop: I------- I am a dreamer, hiso mu power…
Author goes in to hanyaan mood. She begins to type like the psycho she is. Syaoran suddenly realises how nicely Sakura is smiling at him and blushes.
Syaoran: I-I---I L---L---Li---
Tomoyo notices another program running, it is called "Super Duper Love Day Generator 2000." Sakura continues to smile blissfully at Syaoran.
Syaoran: Lik…
Power from the laptop crackles. Tomoyo, on a sudden weird impulse, whispers into Sakura's ear.
Sakura: Like me?
Syaoran numbly nods.
Author quickly skims through playlist.
Syaoran and Sakura patiently wait, tapping their feet.
Laptop: Todokete kono koe wo. Tsutaete ima sugu ni. Isoide koko ni kite. Kanjite mada minu chikara. Shinjite hoshii no. Yume no tsudzuki ga hora. Utatte'ru Ashita e no Melody.
Sakura: Syaoran-kun, daisuki!!!
Sakura leaps from the ground and into Syaoran's arms. The alternate ending of CCS - Altered World...
...
...
...
Eriol (pouts): You didn't even introduce me yet...
Author: Oh, do shut up.
She smacks Eriol with her trusty frying pan. *Thanks for reminding me, Care.*
Eriol: Owww! I've been nice to be part of your schemes. I've even helped you torture Syaoran last chapter.
Author: You liked it. Anyway, you'd do it by yourself without me.
Eriol (smirks): You made those assumptions on your own.
Author: Fine...
The Author goes back to Word and erases previous section. And plays Mienai Chizu.
Author: By the way, where are Nakuru and Spinel? And could you please stop Syaoran from trying to kill me?
Nakuru bursts through the Author's front door in a frilly pink dress. (The party was held at her house because she was too cheap to rent a place.)
Nakuru: IT'S PARTY TIME!!! Look Suppi-chan, lots of pudding with SUGAR!!!
Spinel: This is just a waste of time because the Author was lazy. And I hate sugar. Besides, who is Suppi?
Author: Nevermind, oh boy....
Nakuru: You are Suppi-chan! You're so boring right now! You need SUGAR!
Author waves hands desperately. Nakuru picks up frantic Spinel Sun and throws him head first towards the tower of pudding. Author tries to catch the sugar allergic plushie but Syaoran makes another attempt to assasinate the author, which she barely dodges in time.
Author: You were supposed to protect me Eriol!!!
Eriol (evil smile TM): But you said nevermind!
Author uses her mighty frying pan again for other conventional uses.
Eriol: OWWW!
Author: You jerk! You twisted my words! I mean nevermind to the whereabouts of Nakuru and Spinel!
Author: Now be good or else I'll make Kaho leave you further in the story.
Eriol: So you could stick me with Daidouji-san like everyone else does and make your story less unique even though I'm supposed to be paired with Kaho anyway?
Author glares, and begins to type a little break-up scene.
Eriol: Eep. I'll be good.
Author hits CTRL+A and DELETE.
Suppi-chan Spinel: SUGAR ALL MINE! I wanna have more!
Kero-chan: Eh? Who are you a fairy? Heyy! DON'T EAT ALL MY PUDDING!
Suppi shots his beams and Kero counters with his fire.
Kero-chan: WHAT IS GOING ON?! RABID FAIRIES!
Suppi: Don't call me a fairy! Hic.
Another fire and beam battle ensues.
Author: Oh *bleep*, Sakura, Eriol, do something about your magical beasts.
Sakura: Eriol-kun, I didn't know you had a magical beast.
Eriol glows red.
Sakura: Hello Eriol-kun! What are you doing here?
Eriol (smiles): I wanted to see you, Sakura-san!
Sakrua: HOE!
Syaoran's veins consecutively pop.
Author: What about the beasts! Hello?
Tomoyo sloshes cold water over the drunk Spinel. Spinel regains his sanity.
Author: Thank you, Tomoyo-san.
Tomoyo: It was not an inconvience.
Nakuru: It's a water fight!!!
Author --> .-_-.
Syaoran: Hiirazigawa!!! (Takes out a fire ofuda.)
Syaoran (pauses): Wait a sec that's a good line.
Syaoran turns his ofuda around and takes out a pen.
Syaoran: I... wanted... to... see... you... S-Sa- (Turns too red and stops writing.)
Eriol (trying to be helpful): I think Sa should be Sakura.
Syaoran: Why you!!! God of Fire, descend! God of Fire, descend! God of Fire, descend?
Eriol: You ruined the spell by writing on the paper. Here, let me write a new one for you.
Syaoran: Shut up!
Syaoran looks around for his sword.
Eriol (holds up Syaoran's magical charm): You're looking for this?
Syaoran: Give that back!!!
Eriol (dodges deftly): I shouldn't give sharp objects to irresponsible children.
Syaoran: Shut up!
Author: I have an headache...
Author pulls down winamp list and plays Rei II from the Evangelion soundtrack.
Tomoyo (pats her head): There, there.
Nakuru: Come back Suppi-chan and put up a proper fight!!!
Spinel, flying away: That improper female clothing of yours would reveal your identity if it was soaked. I told you to wear male clothing but you're so frivilous. And why should I take part of your idiocy? Besides, who's Suppi?
Nakuru: Buut it so pretty and Eriol made it for me! Don't you want to have some fun?
Kero-chan: I want more food!!! That faerie ate it all!!!
Sakura: Mou, Kero-chan! Can't you think of anything but food?
Kero-chan: But she promised... and then that faerie ate it all!!!
Kero-chan chases after Spinel: Give me back all my pudding fairy!
Spinel running away from Nakuru and Kero-chan: Who's a fairy?
Meiling burst through the door: Sorry for being late!!! You've probably missed my greatness!!! OHOHOHOHOHOHO! (Looks around and sweatdrops.) Nevermind. Syaoran! This party is the pits, let's go home!
Syaoran: But that bastard has my sword! Go home by yourself!
Meiling: I'm not going back by myself! I'm only going if you come with me!
Argument between the fiance and fiancee ensues.
Touya and Yukito enters the building.
Yukito: What a nice party.
Touya: Right... (Surveys the area and accidentally spots Tomoyo's video camera replaying the alternate ending.) THAT GAKI!!!
Syaoran tries to glare at Touya while chasing Eriol, and arguing with Meiling at the same time. Nakuru spots Touya and drops the water bucket on the floor. Kero-chan and Spinel have a face-off.
Nakuru: Oh, Touya-san! (Glomps.)
Touya sags.
Yue takes over Yukito: This place is not safe for the Mistress... CLOW?!
Eriol: Hello! It's been nice to meet you again Yue!
Eriol glows red again.
Yue: ... I should take the Mistress and leave.
Author: CTRL+A & DELETE! CTRL+A & DELETE! CTRL+A & DELETE!
Sakura takes pity on the poor Author: TIME!
Author looks around spotless house: This is the life... I should only invite the Chiharu, Rika, Naoko, and Takashi. At least they had the common sense to politely decline with so many dangerous people and unresolved conflicts.

Far away, in a certain mansion.
Eriol (eyes glazed): The Author is hosting a party and we're not invited. (Eyes turn back to normal and smiles.) Shall we go and ask her why?
Nakuru (skips around): PARTY, PARTY! I can show off the new dress you made me!
Spinel: What a waste of time... Author's Babbling:
For you who didn't know, Rei II is a melanchotic string (violin I think or is it a viola...? I'm music impaired.) piece that makes you feel pity.
What is the point of this insanity? ... No comment... (Watches Syaoran nod again.)

September 29, 2001, Christine Chan aka Kinomoto Sakura of Ffnet