Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Coffee Break ❯ Evil Bitchiness ( Chapter 4 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: SaturnOolaa 
Uh. Eriol is mean, Evil Tomoyo finally gets an Evil Plan, Nakuru does stuff and Syaoran wakes up. Whoocha.
Anime/Manga: Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 08.31.2001 | Updated On: 11.10.2001 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.4K | Visits: 243 | Status: Completed
Uh. Eriol is mean, Evil Tomoyo finally gets an Evil Plan, Nakuru does stuff and Syaoran wakes up. Whoocha.
Anime/Manga: Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Comedy | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 08.31.2001 | Updated On: 11.10.2001 | Pages: 2 | Words: 1.4K | Visits: 243 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer: Uhh... yeah. You know the drill.
AN: That was a pretty long break, huh? -_-;; This chapter is actually fairly funny... Except the last bit. I've been getting used to high school and my work hasn't been as good as it could have been. In other news- just in case you thought Saturn was actually normal, let me direct you to the first part of this chapter. Believe me when I say it was going to be worse. *Much* worse. Question- do you think it would be amusing if I tossed in a parody of Silence of the Lambs? Sakura as Clarice, Eriol as everyone's favorite cannibal... It would work, right? Nevermind. Enjo~oy!
COFFEE BREAK
CHAPTER FOUR: EVIL BITCHINESS
(Last chapter: Kaho and Nakuru teamed up with Kero-chan to examine Syaoran, Evil Tomoyo blantantly ripped off Spaceballs, Eriol made a dash at the tentacle monster, and SaturnOolaa appeared as a voice in the sky. So what else is new?)
"Dum dum dummm..." announced the voice.
"Will you stop it with the ominous music, already?" asked Shun. "It's getting incredibly annoying. I doubt that you'll really let Eriol-kun get hurt, either. You were just kidding-"
Eriol swore rather thoroughly as he was tossed onto the wall. Daidouji-san sweatdropped. "Nevermind, then."
"Hah." said SaturnOolaa. "Bye..."
Sakura looked on wide-eyed as the battle raged on. Elthough Eriol was fighting as hard as possible, it was obvious that the tentacle monster was designed to be invincible. Her only friend in a strange place was slowly losing the fight...
"Yarr!" shouted the tentacle monster, grabbing a random chunk of wall and throwing it at Eriol. Clow's incarnation slumped to the ground, battered and coughing up blood. Sakura screamed, running towards him despite Shun's warnings.
She knelt by his side. "Eriol-kun!" she yelled anxiously. "Eriol-kun, are you alright?"
Eriol, despite being roughly three-quarters dead, managed a mildly evil smile. "Don't worry, Sakura-san. I'm not in that much pain... People about to die don't really feel a thing, you know... I never really believed that before, but now I-" he stopped talking and coughed weakly.
Specks of blood landed on Sakura's hand, which was now supporting the dying boy's head. "Eriol-kun..." she moaned. "You can't die! You can't! I'm sure you've survived worse than this, I'm totally sure! You'll get better, won't you?"
"Don't worry about me..." said Eriol softly. "There's nothing you can do... please don't worry..."
Sakura started to cry. "But, but Eriol-kun! This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been eaten by that lobster! You were the one who jumped in to help me... It's all my fault, Eriol-kun! I'm so sorry!"
Eriol smiled at her again. "You don't need to be so formal, Sakura. I'm about to die anyway... And I'd rather die knowing that you could at least just call me by my name..."
"A- alright..." sniffled Sakura. "But I'm so sorry, Eriol... Honestly, I... There's really nothing I can do?"
The boy stared at her. "Well, there is one thing... My glasses are over there... Can you put them on me, please? If I have to die, I'd like to die being able to see your face... I'm sorry to be a bother, but really, Sakura... I'd like you to be the last thing I see..."
Sakura broke into a fresh set of sobs. "Of course, Eriol... No trouble..." she retrieved the glasses from behind her and put them on him, tears dripping onto them. "Is that alright?"
"Mm, that's fine... Thank you for everything, Sakura..." Eriol's eyes closed.
"ERIOL!" screamed Sakura. The judges gave her seiyuu a 9.5 each. "ERIOOOOOOOOOOL!"
Shun sniffed. "He was a good kid." he stated sadly, proving that even in this enlightened day and age the superstition exists not to speak badly of the dead.
In a flash, the following things happened-
a) The lights came back on.
b) The warehouse repaired itself.
c) The tentacle monster dissapeared.
d) The workers were healed fully.
Eriol's eyes opened. "Just kidding!" his said brightly.
Sakura slapped him, still crying. "You jerk!" she screamed, running to the nearing exit. "You total total jerk! I thought you were gonna die! How could you-" her voice faded into the distance.
There was total silence for roughly five minutes. It was broken by a random worker, with words of wisdom and might and stuff like that.
"Dude, your girlfriend's hot."
"*Dude*," said Eriol pointedly, "she's half your age."
"Oh. Right."
***
"CURSES!" shrieked Evil Tomoyo.
Meiling sweatdropped. "What is it, Evil Tomoyo-sama?" she asked, rolling her eyes at the black-leather clad girl's tantrum.
"George-san logged off before I could get him to hand leadership of America over to me! Meiling-chan, this is so unfair!"
The Chinese girl kept sweatdropping. "Um, Evil Tomoyo-sama... Why are you always plotting things involving Americans? I mean, it would probably work better if you-"
"Americans are gullible, Meiling-chan." replied Evil Tomoyo. "Now keep talking and stop stuttering. I hate it when people stutter. It's very annoying."
"Well, I was saying..." Meiling wondered idly if she could swim laps in the sweatdrop she was developing. "Wouldn't it just be easier to find someone very charismatic and then use *them* to take over the world?"
Evil Tomoyo blinked, grinned and huggled Meiling. "That's brilliant! Go find me my notebooks and I'll look someone up! Thank you, Meiling-chan. You've just helped me a lot! ^_^"
As the girl walked out of the room humming, Meiling was left thinking three thoughts: That she had to escape, that it must be very difficult to say a smiley face, and that she had just contributed to the downfall of civilization. She shrugged and went off to find some lunch.
***
Meanwhile, at the karaoke bar, the mulitude (the multitude being Kaho, Nakuru, and Kero-chan) sat around waiting for Syaoran to snap back into life. It wasn't working very well.
Nakuru sighed and drummed her fingers on the table. "This is getting boring... Wish Sya-chan'd snap out of it. I wanna keep singing."
"Go ahead." said Kaho mildly. "You don't have to sit here and watch him."
"Yeah..." replied Nakuru. "But I should! It's funny!"
Kero-chan frowned in a puzzled way at the gaki. "Well, ya know, I have an idea... Mizuki-san, the kid likes Touya, right? And who do we have here that's Touya's complete and utter opposite in every single way...?"
"That makes sense!" said Kaho happily. Now she wouldn't have to be late after all. "Nakuru-san, please glomp Li-kun."
"Whyyyyy?" asked Nakuru, raising an eyebrow. "Whyyyy whyyyyy whyyyyyyyyy?"
Kaho winced and wished she had brought ear plugs, proving once again that... No, it doesn't prove anything. Sorry. "Just do it. It'll wake up Li-kun."
"Okay!" The girl/guy/thing replied. "If it'll help, then sure." She bent down a bit, took a few steps back, then jumped and latched herself firmly to Syaoran's arm.
Who woke up and started waving around, trying to get her off. "What are you *doing*?! Didn't your mother ever tell you not to try and piggyback on anyone half your height?!"
"I never had a mother..." said Nakuru, drifting off into a bizzare little dreamworld but still not letting go. "I'm a poor little lamb that has lost her way... Baaaaaa... Baaaaaa..."
The author would like the touch apon that fact that, while this fanfic is in definite use of some serious tragic relief (not to mention a new author), the above tragic relief will most certainly not be provided by the fact that Nakuru lacks a mother. She just felt she should touch on this. Just in case you think the RPGs that the author plays are rubbing off on her.
Nakuru pouted. "Awww... there goes my chance of being anything but a shallow and two-dimentional character in this fic..."
Kaho looked down at herself. "We're already 2-D, Nakuru-san."
TO BE CONTINUED...
(Will Sakura ever forgive Eriol for the rather bitchy trick he just played? Who will Evil Tomoyo find with extreme amounts of charm? (I think I have it narrowed down, but suggestions are always welcome.) Will the Kaho/Nakuru/Kero-chan/Syaoran scenes ever become better quality writing than they are now? Some of this and not much more in the next chapter of Coffee Break!)
AN: That was a pretty long break, huh? -_-;; This chapter is actually fairly funny... Except the last bit. I've been getting used to high school and my work hasn't been as good as it could have been. In other news- just in case you thought Saturn was actually normal, let me direct you to the first part of this chapter. Believe me when I say it was going to be worse. *Much* worse. Question- do you think it would be amusing if I tossed in a parody of Silence of the Lambs? Sakura as Clarice, Eriol as everyone's favorite cannibal... It would work, right? Nevermind. Enjo~oy!
COFFEE BREAK
CHAPTER FOUR: EVIL BITCHINESS
(Last chapter: Kaho and Nakuru teamed up with Kero-chan to examine Syaoran, Evil Tomoyo blantantly ripped off Spaceballs, Eriol made a dash at the tentacle monster, and SaturnOolaa appeared as a voice in the sky. So what else is new?)
"Dum dum dummm..." announced the voice.
"Will you stop it with the ominous music, already?" asked Shun. "It's getting incredibly annoying. I doubt that you'll really let Eriol-kun get hurt, either. You were just kidding-"
Eriol swore rather thoroughly as he was tossed onto the wall. Daidouji-san sweatdropped. "Nevermind, then."
"Hah." said SaturnOolaa. "Bye..."
Sakura looked on wide-eyed as the battle raged on. Elthough Eriol was fighting as hard as possible, it was obvious that the tentacle monster was designed to be invincible. Her only friend in a strange place was slowly losing the fight...
"Yarr!" shouted the tentacle monster, grabbing a random chunk of wall and throwing it at Eriol. Clow's incarnation slumped to the ground, battered and coughing up blood. Sakura screamed, running towards him despite Shun's warnings.
She knelt by his side. "Eriol-kun!" she yelled anxiously. "Eriol-kun, are you alright?"
Eriol, despite being roughly three-quarters dead, managed a mildly evil smile. "Don't worry, Sakura-san. I'm not in that much pain... People about to die don't really feel a thing, you know... I never really believed that before, but now I-" he stopped talking and coughed weakly.
Specks of blood landed on Sakura's hand, which was now supporting the dying boy's head. "Eriol-kun..." she moaned. "You can't die! You can't! I'm sure you've survived worse than this, I'm totally sure! You'll get better, won't you?"
"Don't worry about me..." said Eriol softly. "There's nothing you can do... please don't worry..."
Sakura started to cry. "But, but Eriol-kun! This wouldn't have happened if I hadn't been eaten by that lobster! You were the one who jumped in to help me... It's all my fault, Eriol-kun! I'm so sorry!"
Eriol smiled at her again. "You don't need to be so formal, Sakura. I'm about to die anyway... And I'd rather die knowing that you could at least just call me by my name..."
"A- alright..." sniffled Sakura. "But I'm so sorry, Eriol... Honestly, I... There's really nothing I can do?"
The boy stared at her. "Well, there is one thing... My glasses are over there... Can you put them on me, please? If I have to die, I'd like to die being able to see your face... I'm sorry to be a bother, but really, Sakura... I'd like you to be the last thing I see..."
Sakura broke into a fresh set of sobs. "Of course, Eriol... No trouble..." she retrieved the glasses from behind her and put them on him, tears dripping onto them. "Is that alright?"
"Mm, that's fine... Thank you for everything, Sakura..." Eriol's eyes closed.
"ERIOL!" screamed Sakura. The judges gave her seiyuu a 9.5 each. "ERIOOOOOOOOOOL!"
Shun sniffed. "He was a good kid." he stated sadly, proving that even in this enlightened day and age the superstition exists not to speak badly of the dead.
In a flash, the following things happened-
a) The lights came back on.
b) The warehouse repaired itself.
c) The tentacle monster dissapeared.
d) The workers were healed fully.
Eriol's eyes opened. "Just kidding!" his said brightly.
Sakura slapped him, still crying. "You jerk!" she screamed, running to the nearing exit. "You total total jerk! I thought you were gonna die! How could you-" her voice faded into the distance.
There was total silence for roughly five minutes. It was broken by a random worker, with words of wisdom and might and stuff like that.
"Dude, your girlfriend's hot."
"*Dude*," said Eriol pointedly, "she's half your age."
"Oh. Right."
***
"CURSES!" shrieked Evil Tomoyo.
Meiling sweatdropped. "What is it, Evil Tomoyo-sama?" she asked, rolling her eyes at the black-leather clad girl's tantrum.
"George-san logged off before I could get him to hand leadership of America over to me! Meiling-chan, this is so unfair!"
The Chinese girl kept sweatdropping. "Um, Evil Tomoyo-sama... Why are you always plotting things involving Americans? I mean, it would probably work better if you-"
"Americans are gullible, Meiling-chan." replied Evil Tomoyo. "Now keep talking and stop stuttering. I hate it when people stutter. It's very annoying."
"Well, I was saying..." Meiling wondered idly if she could swim laps in the sweatdrop she was developing. "Wouldn't it just be easier to find someone very charismatic and then use *them* to take over the world?"
Evil Tomoyo blinked, grinned and huggled Meiling. "That's brilliant! Go find me my notebooks and I'll look someone up! Thank you, Meiling-chan. You've just helped me a lot! ^_^"
As the girl walked out of the room humming, Meiling was left thinking three thoughts: That she had to escape, that it must be very difficult to say a smiley face, and that she had just contributed to the downfall of civilization. She shrugged and went off to find some lunch.
***
Meanwhile, at the karaoke bar, the mulitude (the multitude being Kaho, Nakuru, and Kero-chan) sat around waiting for Syaoran to snap back into life. It wasn't working very well.
Nakuru sighed and drummed her fingers on the table. "This is getting boring... Wish Sya-chan'd snap out of it. I wanna keep singing."
"Go ahead." said Kaho mildly. "You don't have to sit here and watch him."
"Yeah..." replied Nakuru. "But I should! It's funny!"
Kero-chan frowned in a puzzled way at the gaki. "Well, ya know, I have an idea... Mizuki-san, the kid likes Touya, right? And who do we have here that's Touya's complete and utter opposite in every single way...?"
"That makes sense!" said Kaho happily. Now she wouldn't have to be late after all. "Nakuru-san, please glomp Li-kun."
"Whyyyyy?" asked Nakuru, raising an eyebrow. "Whyyyy whyyyyy whyyyyyyyyy?"
Kaho winced and wished she had brought ear plugs, proving once again that... No, it doesn't prove anything. Sorry. "Just do it. It'll wake up Li-kun."
"Okay!" The girl/guy/thing replied. "If it'll help, then sure." She bent down a bit, took a few steps back, then jumped and latched herself firmly to Syaoran's arm.
Who woke up and started waving around, trying to get her off. "What are you *doing*?! Didn't your mother ever tell you not to try and piggyback on anyone half your height?!"
"I never had a mother..." said Nakuru, drifting off into a bizzare little dreamworld but still not letting go. "I'm a poor little lamb that has lost her way... Baaaaaa... Baaaaaa..."
The author would like the touch apon that fact that, while this fanfic is in definite use of some serious tragic relief (not to mention a new author), the above tragic relief will most certainly not be provided by the fact that Nakuru lacks a mother. She just felt she should touch on this. Just in case you think the RPGs that the author plays are rubbing off on her.
Nakuru pouted. "Awww... there goes my chance of being anything but a shallow and two-dimentional character in this fic..."
Kaho looked down at herself. "We're already 2-D, Nakuru-san."
TO BE CONTINUED...
(Will Sakura ever forgive Eriol for the rather bitchy trick he just played? Who will Evil Tomoyo find with extreme amounts of charm? (I think I have it narrowed down, but suggestions are always welcome.) Will the Kaho/Nakuru/Kero-chan/Syaoran scenes ever become better quality writing than they are now? Some of this and not much more in the next chapter of Coffee Break!)