Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Coffee Break ❯ Sya-chan the Shoujo Manga Herione ( Chapter 2 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Disclaimer: I've decided to claim full rights to a particular couple in this fic, seeing as I'm definately the first one ever to write about it. ^_^ Other than that...
AN: Ohhhhh damn. This fic has taken a nosedive quality-wise, hopefully for this chapter only. Dammit. -_-;; Like I've said before, this isn't S+S; this is the chapter that starts to be blantantly obvious on at least one side. ^_^ On another note... Evil Tomoyo wasn't meant to turn out so bizzare, but she's ooc in that amusing sort of way. Oh well, sit back and enjoy as well as possible considering this isn't anything good...

COFFEE BREAK
CHAPTER TWO: SYA-CHAN THE SHOUJO MANGA HERIONE

(In the pilot chapter of Coffee Break: Sakura and Eriol got eaten by a lobster who got eaten by a shark, Evil Tomoyo ran off with Meiling to take over the world, and Syaoran melted at the sound of an unknown voice. What will happen now...? Cue dramatic music, please...)

The mysterious figure happened to be one Kinomoto Touya, who flopped down on the curb next to Kero-chan. "Where's Sakura?" he asked, looking around. "I figured she'd be with you people, but..."

Our fluffy friend, happily oblivious to the general impending doom, shrugged his shoulders. "Uhhhhh... Well, she sorta got swallowed by a big lobster. And then Eriol jumped in after her, and it disapeared, and I think Tomoyo went evil and kidnapped this girl who appeared out of nowhere, and..." He heaved a sigh. "It's been a pretty weird half-hour, that's for sure."

Touya stared at him, eyebrow twitching. For reasons known to the general populace, he heard only the first part. "She's alone... with... that guy..." he managed, striking fear into the hearts of small children and animals everywhere.

If Kero-chan had been looking, he would have seen dangerously sharp fangs growing in Touya's mouth. But he wasn't, so he nodded and sealed certain death and mass property destruction for at least half of Tomoeda.

Touya turned purple with rage, grabbing Kero-chan and throttling him. "WHO LET HIM GET NEAR HER?!?!?" he thundered, shaking the poor seal beast into paralysis. "IT WAS THE GAKI, WASN'T IT?!? I'M GONNA KILL THAT KID!!!!"

He actually said a great deal more, but we're trying to keep this a milder rating.

Kero-chan, fearing for his life, nodded. Nobody had ever told him about Touya's sister complex. He was now paying dearly for it.

Touya put down Kero-chan and, having exhausted his voice for the moment, only growled. This was bad enough in itself. Muttering to himself about torture implements, he noticed a small blushing puddle near one of the sakura trees lining the street. He poked it with his foot.

"What is this stuff, anyway?" he yelled at Kero-chan.

Kero-chan, who didn't hate Syaoran enough to tell Touya he was stepping on an infatuated bit of him, remained silent. Touya shrugged and went off to look for the Chinese boy in a way perfected by King Kong and Gojira.

As soon as the exceedingly-tall-to-a-stuffed-animal and Very Pissed Off boy had faded from view, Syaoran reformed and walked slowly back to where Kero-chan floated being very disturbed.

The yellow thing heaved a releived sigh. "That was scary, huh?"

Syaoran didn't answer, mainly because he didn't hear. His world at the moment consisted of himself, various pastel-coloured roses and bubbles, and visions of Touya.

"He touched me..." whispered the boy, still doing a tomato impression. He cluched his hands to his chest and looked to all the world like a sappy shoujo manga herione. A very flat one, anyway, but that never stopped Miaka/Usagi/Insert-name-here.

Kero-chan blinked, raised an eyebrow, and promptly drowned in his own sweatdrop.

***

Sakura scrambled up through the lobster's mouth and into the shark, followed closely by Eriol. She looked around in shock. "Okay. So where are we supposed to be again?"

"The stomach of a very large shark, in the middle of the Pacific." replied Eriol automatically. "And it seems to be a storage room..."

The two were sitting next to the lobster in the middle of a large warehouse. On one side of the room was a collection of filing cabinets and various storage objects. On the other were rows of chutes with signs attached. Hundreds of workers were shuffling from one side to the other, dumping various artifacts into the tubes and then going back for others.

"Hello." said a voice from behind them. The confused pair turned around to see an unextrordinary man looking roughly the age of Sakura's father.

Sakura smiled nervously. "Hi. Anooo... Eriol-kun and I got swallowed, and... we really have no idea where we are, or who you are, or anything, and..." She sweatdropped. "I'm rambling, aren't I?"

Eriol nodded, smiling plesantly. "It's okay, Sakura-san."

The man's eyes opened wide. "Your name is Sakura? Kinomoto Sakura?"

Sakura nodded.

"Really?" asked the man. "I'm Daidouji Shun, and my wife Sonomi is obsessed with you! Our Tomoyo-chan too, of course, but she's not married, and it's just not healthy for a married woman to be that infatuated with you just because you look like her cousin, but when I told her than she took out a mallet and somehow whacked me all the way here!"

"He's rambling, isn't he?" whispered Sakura to Eriol. "Where is here, exactly?" she asked a great deal louder to Daidouji-san.

"Oh! Yes. That's right..." said Tomoyo's father. "You wouldn't know. This is Hammerspace."

"Hammerspace?" asked Sakura in confusion.

Daidouji-san sweatdropped. "Of course not. Forgive me, Sakura-chan, I'll try to explain this... It's officially called the Department Of Anime And Manga Storage Space, but someone nicknamed it 'Hammerspace' and it stuck. It's used for keeping the essentials for anime and manga characters. You've heard of Piffle Princess, I'm sure?"

Sakura nodded. "I visited one of their malls once. I like the stuffed bunnies."

"They are cute, aren't they?" remarked Eriol. "I'll buy you one when we get back to Tomoeda, Sakura-san."

The young girl managed a "Thank you" and blushed.

"Ahem." Daidouji-san frowned. "Anyway, as I was saying, Piffle Princess supplies all characters with their needs. Mallets, cat-ears, pencils, and of course the famous Chibiezer Beams. Those chutes take the materials to their owners."

"But... why can't they just keep them with them, instead of relying on Piffle Princess?" asked Sakura. "I mean, it would be easier to just-"

Sakura could have cleared up something that anime fans have been wondering for years, if at that moment an earthquake had not started in the warehouse. Immediately every chance this fic had for normalacy went to hell.

"SHIT!" yelled a passing worker. "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!" Every other seemed to echo the statement, running absolutely nowhere as fast as they could. Even Eriol looked worried.

"What is it?" asked Sakura. "What's wrong?"

Daidouji-san shuddered, fear burning in his eyes. "It's a tentacle monster." he whispered.

***

Nakuru was bored out of her mind. His mind. It's mind. For the sake of our sanity, let's use female pronouns. Anyway, Nakuru was bored out of her mind. And when Nakuru gets bored, things get scary.

She'd decided to force-feed Suppi-chan some candy, but Eriol had forseen this and locked it in a cupboard. She'd already read the latest Nakayoshi, and the only other books she could find were Eriol's "stupid boring pointless books with no PICTURES!"

So she decided to go out to a karaoke bar. And I will give you a moment to ponder the implications of that.

***

Evil Tomoyo sat at a computer console, typing furiously. "Oh, Bill-san." she muttered to herself, typing the words as she spoke them. "You make me so- Nee, Meiling-chan, be a dear and look up 'horny' in the thesaurus? I've used it five times already."

Meiling- chained, handcuffed, and dressed in very scarce amounts of clothing- shuddered. "What are you doing, anway?" she asked. "Or do I want to know?"

"I'm seducing Bill Gates." replied the evil one. "Once I have the master of the Western world on my side, I can complete my plans to rule the world and create my utopia! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA- Meiling-chan, pass me my cough drops- HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

'Meiling-chan' shuddered yet again, tossing the required item at her. "And... if I may ask, what exactly is your utopia?"

Evil Tomoyo started to type again. "My utopia..." she repeated, downing her cough drops. "I haven't really thought that far ahead yet... sultry lesbian sex-slaves for all, I suppose."

One thought burnt a path through Meiling's head: she had to get away from the clutches of this tyrant. "Just don't scorch my hair..." she muttered, pulling down yet again on the skirt that seemed all of three inches.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Will Meiling find a way out of Evil Tomoyo's clutches? Will Eriol and Sakura manage to keep their own against a tentacle monster? Will Nakuru sing? Syaoran and TOUYA!?! Tune in for the next (somewhat scary) chapter of 'Coffee Break'!