30 November, 2000

Card Captors

"Dimensions"

By : The MOUSE...........................

Eyes closed, Li Syaoran held his breath and concentration for a moment more, willing all the magic within him to make him visible to the present three. This was the only hard part to it. The force of concentration needed to do this hurt immensely, but once his magic was focused on the task it could stay focused on its own without his thoughts having to stay concentrated on it. An added bonus he and Kero had stumbled upon while experimenting the night before was that Syaoran could pick and choose whom it was he wanted to see him. If he didn't want to be seen by someone just yet, then that person couldn't. It was that simple.

"Syaoran...!" he heard Sakura half sob, a smile present in her voice.

There was no way to describe how his name sounded on her lips. He opened his eyes to a sight that would forever be ingrained in his thoughts. Beautiful Kinomoto Sakura, Mistress of the Cards, was crying and smiling all at once. Autumn leaves fell all around her from a breeze rustling through the trees. She always seemed to be at her most exquisite when light objects fell around her; snowflakes, cherry blossom petals, or falling leaves. Syaoran had seen that look on her face before in movies, but not even the best of actresses could make this look of pure and painful elation look so utterly superb.

"Syaoran!" another voice screamed in glee.

Clow Reed's descendant turned in time to see his Cousin charging straight at him with a huge grin plastered on her face. He took a bracing step back.

"No, Meilin, don't!" he warned.

Too late.

Unable to stop her lunge's momentum, the Chinese teen dove right through the apparition of her Cousin. Li Meilin Rae stumbled slightly, quickly regaining her balance before she injured herself, then turned to face her stunned friends and the spirit. Shock was on her face.

"I... I went right through you!" she gasped.

"I'm a ghost, Meilin. Creature without physical substance, remember?" Syaoran chided with a frown.

"But you're here." Daidouji Tomoyo breathed in awe as she pulled out her camera and walked around the ghost in a kind of inspection, recording every moment. "You're actually here and we're really talking to you."

He shrugged as if nothing was. "Apparently."

"Then you're..." She couldn't finish the sentence.

He finished it for her. "Dead? If I am then I don't feel it, but I hope I'm not." He looked at Sakura with a playful glint in his phantom amber eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. "And seeing as right now I'm a ghost I'm surprised you haven't gone into a total panic."

A shaky smile touched her lips as she wiped away her own tears, then she broke into a genuine giggle, feeling strangely comforted by the sight of his perpetual frown. "Now why would I ever be afraid of you, Syaoran?"

He raised his arms in a menacing fashion and mock snarled. "Because, as Allan put it, I can be a real scary guy." and he advanced on her.

"Stop it." she laughed in chiding and took a playful swipe at his chest, fully expecting her hand to go right through him as Meilin had done.

But it didn't.

Her hand connected with what felt like a solid body of flesh blood. They all stared in shock. Sakura laid her hand flat over his heart and felt her breath lock in her throat when her fingers reported the presence of a strong regular beat deep within his chest. She flinched, taking a step away from him, startled. A ghost with a heart beat?

"Kero...?" she began, unable to find her words.

"Meilin went through me, but she didn't." Syaoran continued for her. "How?"

Kero landed on his Mistress's shoulder in deep thought. "From what I read last night this shouldn't be possible."

"What did you find out?" Tomoyo queried.

"I'll tell you on the way to your place." answered the Guardian Beast of the Seal. "Besides, I'm curious about that medium your 'Kaa-san hired."

And with that they left the small park.

"Okay. After I found out Syaoran's, for lack of a better term, spirit was still hovering around I starting doing some digging in the Book of Clow on the Portal Card. Just like the Teleport Card, that you have yet to catch, it can transport matter anywhere in time or space, or any combination of, but what it can't do is transport a magical and or living being very well. Strange things tend to... happen."

"So, is Syaoran really... dead?" Sakura questioned, her heart sinking slightly.

"I don't think so. Well, not dead-dead."

"What do you mean?"

Syaoran continued for Kero. "When the Portal Card took me I felt its confusion at me. I was living and I had magic and both of those facts were hurting it. So it did the only thing it could do to stop the pain. It split me in half, sort of. Everything that was physically me was separated from the spiritual, mental and magical me. My body was taken since it was now inanimate, and everything else that was painful to it was... well... spit back out. My life force is here and my body is somewhere else, Buddha knows where."

Meilin looked at her Cousin with a concerned light in her ruby eyes. "Basically the soul leaving the body. That sounds like death to me."

"It is, but at the same time it's not."

"Nani?"

"Death by magical means." Kero clarified. "Real death is permanent and not even the strongest sorcerer or sorceress can reverse it. Death by magical means isn't as finite. Depending on how it was done, a person can be revived."

All three girls beamed suddenly at the same thought. "Then we can bring Li back." Tomoyo stated. "Finding the right spell shouldn't be too hard." Both Kero and Syaoran didn't smile, only looked as if they were holding back some extra bit of news that the girls wouldn't like hearing. "What is it?"

"Um... There's a hitch."

"Hitch?" Sakura questioned.

"There's no spell to undo this."

"Nani?" Meilin shouted.

"Tone it done a notch, she-brat! To bring Li back together with his body we have to find the Life Card, and to find the Life Card we have to catch the Death Card. They kind of go hand in hand. With both of them together you can bring him back to how he used to be without problem."

Sakura frowned. "And to catch the Death Card I either have to find my soul mate or learn more magic." She sighed in growing despair. "Neither of which will happen anytime soon I'm afraid."

The teen warrior's spirit gripped her shoulder in a reassuring squeeze. "Have faith, Card Mistress." he told her softly. "Nothing happens without purpose and this is no exception. We just have to be patient and see."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "How can you be so calm about this?"

"I have faith... in you. I know you'll find or learn a way to bring me back."

A fleeting smile touched her lips at his admission, her cheeks taking on a slight rosy hue. "I wish I had as much faith in myself as you have in me, but I'll do my very best."

"That's all we could ever ask of you."

"Hey! My Syaoran can teach you all the magic he knows." Meilin suddenly exclaimed. "And maybe that fortuneteller can help you find your soul mate!"

"Only if she's the real thing." Kero answered skeptically.

Tomoyo grinned in mounting hope. "Worth a try. You never know. C'mon!" and she led them the rest of the way to her place at a run.

* * *

Sakura sighed almost to herself in her dark bedroom. Keeping her covers tucked up around her waist she sat up against the wall that was flush to the side of her bed, thinking about the day's events. It had definitely been a Halloween to remember, one quite unlike the rest had been or ever would be. For the whole day, overlapping into the day before after the capture of the Portal Card, Sakura had sensed a very familiar presence hovering around her. And she had been right. Syaoran was still nearby, in spirit form, but still around. She had no way of expressing how elated she was to know she hadn't lost him permanently as her vision had foretold, but she wasn't sure if she was really quite satisfied with having him around as a ghost. A soft chuckle suddenly escaped her lips as she cast her mind back to the Daidouji residence and what had happened with the supposed medium. For being a conduit for the spirit world, in that, the woman had turned out to be a complete fraud.

* * * "Children, this is Madame Mohatip." Tomoyo's Okaa-san introduced. "She'll be performing a séance and then she'll do private Tarot readings for us tonight." To Sakura, Madame Mohatip looked every bit like the classic storybook rendering of a gypsy, all exotic under heavy make-up and shawls. She, Tomoyo and Meilin did their very best not to laugh as Syaoran hovered at the old woman's shoulder, passing a hand before her eyes to test if she could really see spirits. Madame Mohatip frowned at the three girls. "What is so funny, young ones?" she demanded in a very thick European accent. "Nothing." Tomoyo struggled to say as she held back her laughter. Unseen by anyone except the girls, Syaoran made a strange and hilarious face right in front of the old woman. This broke his friends' resolve not to laugh, throwing them into near convulsive fits of hilarity on the floor. They spent the next half-hour after that apologizing profusely to the gypsy as she led everyone to the dinning room. Everyone sat at a long table there, with Madame Mohatip at the head of the table. Candles were lit and incense burned, supposedly to attract any spirits nearby. "Leave one seat free, my children." Madame Mohatip announced to the room. "We must be courteous hosts for the spirit and offer it a place at our table. Here, it shall sit between you and I, child." she directed to Sakura. "Now, let us begin." Syaoran suddenly smirked. "I think I'm going to have a little fun here." he said, unheard by all except his three friends and the Guardian Beast of the Seal. Staying hidden from sight Kero flew up on top of a bookcase to watch everything. Madame Mohatip began to sway as if entering a deep trance. "Oh, masters of the nether realm, I implore that you open the door to the spirit world this night so we may communicate with the beyond!" she intoned dramatically. Syaoran snorted, amused, and Sakura bit her own lip to keep from laughing. "Hai... hai, I sense a spirit!" the gypsy suddenly exclaimed. Gasps went up from the guests while the only spirit in the room looked wholly skeptic. "Spirit, we have saved a seat at our table for you. Onegai, join us and sit." The young warrior's ghost pulled the chair out, making sure everyone saw the movement, then casually sat in the chair. Sakura couldn't hold in her giggle any longer, neither could Tomoyo or Meilin. Madame Mohatip shot them a strange look each. Most young girls their age would be completely terrified at the prospect of ghosts and spirits, yet these three were giggling. She frowned, but continued with her séance, which she believed was finally working. "Oh, spirit from the beyond, onegai, tell us your name." she intoned. Syaoran looked up to the bookcase where the Guardian Beast of the Seal was. "Hey, cotton ball, want to help?" Kero grinned evilly and made it a point to clear his throat loudly. "I am the Great Clow Reed, the greatest sorcerer that ever lived, master of the secret arts and creator of the Clow Cards!" The guests were in a near giddy panic. They truly believed they were in the presence of real ghosts. Meanwhile Sakura, Tomoyo and Meilin had given up all hope of going through this night with a straight face and laughed until it hurt. Madame Mohatip was ecstatic. "Oh, great and powerful Clow, can you see what the future holds?" "Hai, but I'm not telling you!" Kero replied in a deep voice. The gypsy became flustered at this refusal. "Have we angered you? Has the laughter of these three girls offended you?" "No! In fact, I'm quite fond of these three, especially Sakura! I've watched over them for some time now! I'll tell them the future, but not you!" "But... but why not me?" "Because I don't like frauds!" The séance had ended there. Hoping to calm her shaken nerves at the whole experience Madame Mohatip offered her services as a Tarot reading. Kinomoto Sakura was the last one to have a reading done. These were supposed to be private sessions, just between the reader and the questioner, but Syaoran was just too curious to know what these Tarot cards held for his beloved Card Mistress's future. Tarot cards were more believable than a séance. They drew upon the randomness of chance; Fate governed each card drawn. One by one the cards were drawn from the deck and laid out in a classic Celtic cross pattern. With each card turned over the gypsy's expression became stranger and stranger. Syaoran sat on the armrest to Sakura's chair and watched avidly. "You have many very powerful cards in your reading, Kinomoto-san." the old woman began. "There is great power both within you and around you... You also have a protector... a strong warrior with a equally strong soul." The Mistress of the Cards cast a furtive smiling glance to the watchful spirit sitting at her side. She could have sworn his pale, transparent cheeks took on a red hue. "You are seeking answers." Madame Mohatip continued. "A great problem has been placed before you... the warrior is gone, but not gone... you seek his return... the answer lies with Death. Be strong, Kinomoto-san, and be wary. The answer is near you, just within reach. All you must do is open your heart to see it."

* * *

Kinomoto Sakura gently banged her head back against the wall as she thought. All you must do is open your heart to see it. That was what Madame Mohatip had interpreted the cards as saying. She had been right in everything. According to Kero Sakura was the most powerful sorceress of all time. And she did have a protector, Li Syaoran. He was gone, but not gone. She did seek Syaoran's return. The answer did lie with Death. And it did feel as if the answer was so much closer than she thought it was. In the dark of her room the teenage Mistress of the Cards tugged at her covers as she felt a familiar pleasant tingling sensation touch her senses.

"Syaoran?" she called softly, being careful not to wake Kero in his closed dresser drawer.

The sensation flared ever stronger abruptly. "Here." the warrior replied, equally as soft. "Still not sleeping?" he asked, slowly becoming visible.

She shook her head in a negative. She watched him materialize in the center of her room, marveling at the control he showed over an ability that was recently learned. The handsome warrior was so incredible. Nothing stayed a mystery from him for very long. His mind seemed to constantly gather information and store it away to help form solutions. It was the reason so many of their schoolmates called him cold or referred to him as a walking computer. But not to Sakura. To her he was the most loyal of friends and the gentlest of souls. She loved him, that's all there was too it.

Sakura sighed. "There are too many things to think about. She was right, you know."

"Who? Madame Mohatip?"

"Yeah. She knew about the magic powers, sort of; she knew I had a warrior watching over me who was now gone, but still here; and she knew that the answer to all these problems lay with the Death Card."

"She also said that we were close to the answer."

"The frustrating part is I know the answer is staring me right in the face." Sakura made a motion as if she was reaching for something floating in front of her out of arm's reach. "It's right there, just within reach on the edge of my mind." Her arm dropped into her lap and she punched her pillow angrily. "I'm just too baka to see it." she self berated.

Li Syaoran sat shoulder to shoulder with her on her bed. "Then we must all be bakas since I or Kero or Tomoyo can't see the solution either."

She looked at him curiously, silently enjoying the soft feel of his phantom aura mixing with her own. "What about Meilin?"

He near smirked, staring ahead of himself. "Nah, she's just stupid period."

She frowned at him, then saw him look at her from the corner of his eye, his eyebrow arching slightly to match his grin. She understood and laughed softly. "Syaoran, you're evil!" she accused playfully, giving his shoulder a slight shove.

He gave her a mock pained look, still grinning. "You're accusing me without a trial."

Sakura poked his side in a spot she had learned he was ticklish in. "Evil men don't deserve a trial."

Syaoran squirmed slightly, stifling a chuckle. "Not fair." and he grabbed her wrists to stop her.

She blinked abruptly, looking at his hands. "You or Kero never did explain that."

"Explain what?"

She raised her arms up slightly to show him her wrists still a captive of his hands. "This. The fact that you're as solid to me as you were last week and why Meilin and Tomoyo pass through you like you were just smoke."

He released her wrists. "We didn't have any ideas or theories about it yet."

"But you do now?"

"Sort of. And I think magic plays a big part in all this."

She cocked her head to a side. "I don't quite follow."

"Out of the three of you, only you has magical powers. That's what makes me think that's it's the reason I'm solid to you. Your magic makes me feel that way to you, even un-trained as you are."

A slight frown creased her brow. "And what's that supposed to mean, un-trained as you are?"

Inwardly he winced, abruptly realizing his mistake. His poor choice of words made it sound as if he was admitting he was superior to the Mistress of the Cards. That thought was the furthest thing from his mind. More than anything he wanted to be Sakura's equal.

He took a bracing breath. "I just mean your training in the magical arts isn't at the intensity it should be."

Her frown deepened. "Oh? And where is it supposed to be, Li? Below your level?" she snapped.

This time he winced visibly, mostly at the fact that she had called him Li, and looked down at his transparent hands in remorse. Apart from Meilin, Sakura was the only one to call him Syaoran. Truth be known he liked the sound of his name from Sakura better than he did from his Cousin. And now he had gotten the object of his affection mad at him.

Baka, baka, baka! he self-berated. "Gomen." he near whispered.

Sakura blinked. Syaoran was apologizing to her? Her irritation at him vanished, replaced by remorse of her own for snapping at him.

"It didn't come out how I wanted." he continued. "I'm not superior to you, we just have different strength." He sighed. "The reason I'm so hard on you a lot is, I guess, because I envy you."

She blinked again. "Envy me? Why?"

A small, almost inperceivable grin touched his lips. "For a few reasons. But I guess mostly because you were allowed to have a normal life growing up. I was never allowed to have that luxury. Because of that you have a kind of... innocence around you that just draws everyone in. You make friends easily."

Sakura stared at him in barely concealed wonder as he carefully examined his hands to avoid her piercing green eyes. He had let his shields of pride and secrecy momentarily drop away, exposing himself, and he knew that if he dared look her in that eye at that moment, before he put his shields back up, that he was likely to do or say something he might regret. No. No, not regret. He only had love in his heart and actions for her so he could never regret anything said or done to her right there and then. Out of the corner of his eye he unexpectedly saw her smile.

"Tell you what." she began in suggestion, her voice soft. "You teach me what you think I should know and I'll help you catch up on all the fun you missed as a child. Deal?" and she held her pinky finger out to him.

He looked at her, at the sincerity in her smile and in her eyes when he finally met them, and hooked his pinky finger to hers. "Deal." he smiled in response to her sweet and addictive smile.

"Gomennasi for snapping at you." she stated meekly.

"Nah, I deserved it. All the times I put you down in the past, about time you got back at me for it."

"I still had no right." There was an awkward pause. Then, "Is it hard to learn real magic?"

"What you're doing is real magic."

"Not compared to you. I need a Clow Card to call on lightning, you don't."

"Only because I sacrificed my childhood to learn those skills. And, no, it won't be hard for you to learn."

"Why's that?"

"Because you're the most powerful sorceress of all time." Then he smirked smugly, proudly. "And because I'll be teaching you."

She giggled slightly, playfully. "Just for that, here's your first bit of catch up on your childhood." He barely had time to look at her before he was smacked in the face by a pillow. "Lesson one: Pillow fights can break out at any time and are a great way to humble the proud and smug." she giggled at his stunned expression.

He mock frowned, a grin trying to tug at the corners of his mouth. "Why you little..." and he made a grab for the pillow...

... only to get whacked by it yet again.

"Get your own pillow." she giggled.

He chuckled a low growl and reached for a fluffy weapon of his own, receiving a steady pounding from his lovely opponent. He let himself fall to his back to better fend off the attack, both of them laughing at how childish yet amusing this was. There was no intense planning involved in this, no impressive strategies, just wholesome spontaneity. Syaoran finally managed to get the pillow away from Sakura and tossed it to the foot of the bed, out of her reach. With a laugh she crawled away to retrieve her weapon from the floor. He merely grabbed her waist and pulled her back to stop her. Sakura fell back with a muted thud, but not on Syaoran's phantom chest as she had expected.

Rather, she passed right through him.

Completely shocked, both teens didn't dare move, trying to understand what had just happened. Every limb seemed to be matched up with the other's. They overlapped perfectly. Sakura could feel Syaoran's spirit seem to momentarily surround a force deep within her. Her soul? His specter felt so warm within her this way. She felt an almost subtle shift as if his spirit was attempting to touch her soul. She braced herself mentally. How would this feel? Would it hurt? Then a bright white flash of light seemed to explode behind her eyes, her body arching up from the bed from a sensation so pleasurable and so powerful that it bordered on pain. Her gasp of surprised pleasure melded with his, every sensation mirrored by the other at the exact same time. Everything she was and everything he was seemed to meet and blend, the defining lines becoming muted. That was when both Syaoran and Sakura realized what was happening to them. Somehow their magic, their consciousness, their everything were merging into one. Despite the incredible pleasure this was causing her, Sakura also felt fear.

Through the dense fog of his senses reaching nirvana, Syaoran felt her abrupt fear at what was happening. Mentally he blinked. She didn't understand what was going on. She didn't want this if she couldn't understand. And no matter how much enjoyment he got from whatever this was he also couldn't go through with it. He fought against everything in him telling him to stay where he was and he wrenched his spirit form away from the Mistress of the Cards. He would be damned if he forced her into something when she was afraid or clearly reluctant. He loved her too much to be selfish about this and break her trust by dragging her into something she didn't want. To break the intense magic of the moment completely Syaoran backed as far away from the bed as possible, placing the room's entire distance between them. The Card Captors could only stare at each other in confusion, panting as the incredible waves of pleasure receded. What had almost happened to them?

Then the ache began.

It started off as a dull ache deep within them, something almost tolerable. But its intensity grew rapidly until it became like a burning fire consuming them from the inside out. The pain was like a gaping wound that had been ripped open and was now being treated with coarse salt. But, as excruciatingly painful as this was, Syaoran grit his teeth and fought against the pain to help his beloved partner in any way he could. He struck the dresser next to him, rattling it.

"... Wake up,... stuffed animal...!" he managed to call to the dark room. "... I need... your help, fluff ball...!"

"And just what makes you think I'll help you after you insult me?" came a muffled, annoyed voice from inside one of the dresser's drawers. A second barely passed before Kero flew out and glared at Syaoran. "What are you doing here at this time of night, gaki?" he demanded.

"... Never mind... Help... Sakura..." he gasped over the pain and pointed to the bed.

Kero turned in place and gasped in shock at the sight of his Mistress curled in on herself on the bed, near thrashing in agony, whimpering in a desperate attempt to hold in her pained cries. Unconscious tears fell from her eyes. He flew over to her and hovered over her writhing form in worry, unsure of what to do to calm this strange pain.

"What happened?" the magical creature demanded of the warrior spirit.

Syaoran sat back against the cool wall in an attempt to steady himself against the ache. "... I'm... I'm not sure..." he gasped. "... I think... I think we... almost merged..."

"Merged? That's not possible! What do you mean, merged?"

"... I mean..." He suddenly blinked, then sighed as the aching began to fade away. "I don't know what I mean. How's she doing?"

Kero looked down at Sakura in time to see her blink open her indescribable tear-filled eyes, her breath deep to help rid herself of the residual pain. She trembled slightly, her skin pale.

"I think she's okay now." replied the Guardian Beast of the Seal. He patted her head gently. "Sakura?"

The Mistress of the Cards sat up quickly, abruptly, and looked from Kero to Syaoran and back in rapid succession. Confusion shone in her bright green eyes. "What... What just happened?" she asked, her voice scratchy.

"Something that's supposed to be completely impossible." was all Kero could reply.

* * *

Weeks seemed to pass quickly after that without so much as a glimmer of sight from the infamous Death Card. It was as if it knew the Card Captors suddenly needed it to solve their dilemma and was purposefully hiding from them to prolong their suffering. This wasn't something Sakura took very well, a sense of growing hopelessness steadily invading her heart with each passing day. It made her feel ever colder deep inside, colder than winter and colder than the thick snow she trudged through on her way to King Penguin Park after school. Though she blessed the Fates to have allowed her to see and feel Li Syaoran as if nothing had happened, there was just something so unsatisfying about only having his ghost around.

You're being selfish, Sakura, she self chided. Just be happy with what you do have.

What do I have? she suddenly questioned.

Ever since the incident in her room all those weeks ago, when she and her beloved warrior had almost merged, an awkwardness had developed between them. Touching was rarer, and they made up excuses to be somewhere else if ever they had to be alone together for any period of time. Sakura sighed heavily. She didn't want to push Syaoran away like this, to distance him from her, but she was afraid. Afraid to accidentally repeat the moment from all those weeks back. But she was also curious. What would have really happened to them? Would they have stopped to exist as individuals? It had felt so incredibly pleasurable, so perfect, so right. She blinked. That's what had scared her. Nothing in this world or the next was that perfect.

She sat at one of the swings and let herself sway in the cold winter breeze. She closed her eyes at the silence. The perfect time to think. Christmas was barely a week away, but she felt none of the usual Christmas spirit she usually did. What was the point of celebrating such a joyous day when the joy had left her heart? She had gone out every night, hunting for the card to bring Syaoran back, without success. Christmas wouldn't be the same without him really there. Not that he was hers to begin with. The memory of his admission about loving someone returned. His heart belonged to that mystery girl. A single crystalline tear trickled down her cheek shortly before a familiar, pleasant tingling sensation invaded her mind. Gentle phantom fingers carefully brushed the tear off of her cheek. She forced a shaky smile, keeping her eyes to the ground before her.

"I've been wondering something." she stated softly. "How's that mystery girl you like handling your disappearance?"

Li Syaoran's ghost winced. His half-truth was catching up with him in the worst of ways. "Tomoyo, Meilin and the stuffed animal want to know if you'll be patrolling again tonight." he opted to say instead of answering her question.

Kinomoto Sakura nodded. "As usual, though I doubt tonight will be any different than every other night." She sighed in frustration. "It's hopeless. It can feel me coming and it runs the other way. I can't even sense it because it's hiding itself so well. I know Kero said the cards would constantly test me, but how do I find something that doesn't want to be found?"

"Change tactic." he stated under his breath.

She met his ghostly amber eyes. "What do you mean?"

He mentally cursed himself saying the hint out loud and wished he could just drop the whole subject. But the thing about Sakura's eyes was she could bore right through your best defenses and make you tell her anything. Just like she was doing to him now.

He sighed. "You've been patrolling for it every night for weeks now, actively hunting for it. Don't go after it anymore." He winced at his next words. "Let it come to you."

Sakura just stared at him a moment as she pondered his words. They lit a light within her mind, revealing several plans to draw out the Death Card to her. Each one was more dangerous that the first. Her eyes drifted away to the snow at her feet. She still didn't have enough control over real magic to fight the card on equal footing. She still hadn't found her soul mate. She had studied hard on the former and had searched for the latter, without much success.

"Chances are it'll kill me this time around." she murmured more to herself.

He grabbed the chain of her swing with a determined frown. "I won't let it." he assured adamantly.

She looked up at him with a gentle smile. "Syaoran, your powers barely hurt it the first time. And you can't even hold a sword this time. No, I now know what to expect from it." She smiled sadly. "If I fail at least I know I won't be alone on the other side."

"I can't allow you to do it."

Sakura heard the almost desperate plea rising in his tone of voice. "I'm not asking for your permission. You can't stop me from trying." and she got up from the swing to walk away.

He grabbed her arm to restrain her. "Don't do this." he near pleaded.

She faced him sharply, freeing her arm from his grip. "Then why suggest it in the first place?" she came very close to snapping at him.

"I don't know!" he admitting in clear frustration. "For hope, maybe? A new plan of action that had a better chance of working than the others! You've gone around looking so dejected this last while, I just needed to make you start to hope again! But I'll be damned if you willingly go into something where you know you'll get killed!" He caught himself and took a deep calming breath before gently gripping her shoulders to force her to face him. "Sakura, I want you to live." he told her softly.

She saw a look akin to desperation and fear in the amber depths of his eyes. He was genuinely afraid for her.

"Syaoran,..." She closed her eyes for a heartbeat, tears beginning to spill down her cheeks. Then, when he cupped her face to wipe them away, she opened her eyes again and stared boldly into his eyes. "I want you to live."

With that she wrenched herself free of his grasp and ran from the park. She had to run. If she had stayed Sakura knew Syaoran would have eventually managed to break her resolve in this matter. She had to steel herself from that. She could hear him calling for her to stop, but this was something she absolutely had to do.

For her peace of mind.

For love.

For him!

To Be Continued...