Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Ichiban ❯ Meiling and her precious friend ( Chapter 4 )

Disclaimer: CCS Belongs to CLAMP and that is that.

~ICHIBAN~

Meiling and Her Most Precious Friend

There's nothing like the nights of Hong Kong. The sounds of the city, the city lights that gleam forever until dawn, against a black sky filled with stars. I close my eyes and take in what the night has to offer. Hong Kong is huge. Pretty places, dark alleys, ships by the docks, and a weather that seems to always manage to be more humid every passing day during the summers. I guess it may sound like any other city... but I love it here. It's my home. It's welcoming and familiar... like a big house that will always be there... comforting and secure when you feel unwanted and lost. But somehow- sometimes- the tranquility of all this seems to make you feel lonely too. Why is it like that? It seems like you can never win- No matter what, when the heart knows that you are lonely, it will make you bare the pain of it-- It won't let go until you, yourself let go of that pain.

I guess love will do that to you. It can make you feel anything it wants you to feel or don't want you to feel. It rules humans--- Love. That one word alone can make you feel happy, lonely... it can make you smile and cry and feel all lost.

When I was six years old, my older cousins explained to me about love... and about being in love. They said that I would know when it came to me when I feel all happy inside.

"Or when you have butterflies in you stomach and whenever that person smiles at you, your cheeks get all red..." They giggled, as they turned the stereo on so they can teach me how to dance. It was the first of many things they taught me. Of many things I can do quite well. "I'm glad Auntie got you, Meilin-- we can never do anything with Xiaolang-- he never wants to do anything except practice with that sword of his."

"it's fun teasing him though..." They giggled again. Needless to say, Xiaolang's sisters are the very opposite of him. They were fun and happy. Boy crazy and laughed all the time.

"Now remember Meilin, you can express anything in dancing. Especially when the one you are dancing with also feel the same way you do. And if you find the special person to dance with and you know it's right... your heart will feel it."

"But how about if you can't find that special person?" I asked.

"Nonesence! Everyone out there will have someone to love one day. That's why love was created... And your heart will know it. Like that story Mother told us a long time ago...

... Once upon a time, there was a Princess who loved a Prince since the day she was born. They met in the forrest many times so they can dance. And everytime the princess listened to his heart, it was always beating fast but with her own heart, it was calm and relaxed. Why, if they loved each other so much did their hearts beat differently? Did one love the other less? ...

I was curious. So which one loved the other less? What was the answer? My cousins did not tell me. They told me it was obvious. But how can that story be obvious? One heart, beat fast-- the other calm. And one loved the other deeply-- while the other did not. It was a simple answer, that I did't know.

When we were little, I would watch Xiaolang all the time. My family's porch overlooked the Li garden and everyday, right when the sun came up, Xiaolang was there. Practicing with his sword or one more martial arts technique that Wei had taught him. I hardly talked to him during those days. My cousin was odd. He was the same age as me but he was always so serious. Can you even see that? A six year old being serious. Xiaolang never smiled, he never laughed, he never even talked to me much except for hurried hellos occasionally. He never played with me, never did anything normal six year olds did. It was that quality of Xiaolang though, that intrigued me. I wanted him to smile, just once, so he can stop being so serious. It was a simple thing. For my cousin to smile at me. Just me. I wanted to see how nice he would look like with a smile. Because of that, I pursuaded my mother to let me train with him. Xiaolang didn't like it at first but I was always persistant. Nothing can get in my way, except for things I had no control over. I wanted to prove so much to Xiaolang how much I wanted to be his friend. I wanted to prove to him that I too, can do something. I may not pocess magic like the rest of the family, but I wanted to show them that I was special too. That I can be great at anything if you just teach me. I think I achieved all that, except of course, to make Xiaolang just smile for me.

It was on that rainy day when I knew that I loved Xiaolang with all my heart. That day he saved the bird his mother had given me. He went out in that rain just to save it. Just for me. For me. Because he didn't want to see me cry. How can I not fall in love with him. Was I too young to even know about love? Yet, I felt it in my heart, that he was my one special person. So, foolish as I was, I made him promise to marry me.

"You don't love anyone else do you?" I had asked with tears in my eyes.

Xiaolang-- he just sat in front of me with confusion and embarassment. His face red. "So if you don't love anyone else Xiaolang, then I'll be your fiance. I love you the most in this world. But if the time comes that you'll find someone else to love then our engagement is off. But until then, I'll be your fiance. Do you promise? Do you promise?"

My cousin sighed, looking away from me. "Do whatever you want..."

I never felt so happy-- I know Xiaolang only said that because I was stubborn but he accepted it anyway. And he kept that promise. I loved him for that. I loved him because he was so special. When he went to Japan to get those Clow Cards, I came with him. I wanted to help him. All I wanted was to help him-- but it seemed all I did was annoy him. All I wanted was one thing-- really Xiaolang-- it was just a simple thing.

Then-- there was Kinomoto-san. Our rival who didn't even treat us as one. The girl that was always happy and smiled a lot but didn't even notice the signs that were appearant when Xiaolang was looking at her. He didn't even know it until later on either-- I think deep in my heart I knew. Even then-- I knew it. I just couldn't face it. No-- it can't be.

"That promise we made. You said that if I found someone, that I love the most..." He started out slowly.

We were outside the porch of the apartment he and I shared. Tomoeda, Japan-- it wasn't at all like Hong Kong. It was too quiet. There were no traffic noises or lights that gleamed underneath the black sky-- it was peaceful-- but I wanted the noise then. I did not want to hear Xiaolang. It was over. His sisters never told me about the pain that comes with love. They never told me how much it hurts.

"So you found someone that you love the most then?" I asked.

"Yes.."

"Kino... moto... -san?"

"H-- How did you know?"

Hopeless Xiaolang. Of course I would know. You said her first name, You allowed her to call you by your first name, with even just a mention of her name your face turns red and you look at her like she's your whole world. Did you think I wouldn't notice that? Hopeless Xiaolang-- why did it turn out this way? Did you know how much I cried on Daidouji-san's lap that night? She let me cry all night without saying a word. I had to let it all out for you. For you Xiaolang-- I loved you so much. I loved everything about you. I loved you more than anyone in this world. I love how gullible you are, just like Kinomoto-san. How you try to act so serious but there you are competing with Kinomoto-san for Tsukishiro-san's attention. I love how you always have to protect everyone. Hopeless Xiaolang-- Did you even care for me at all? Did you love me even one bit? It hurts so much... the feeling of a broken heart. Everytime I think of the memories when it was just you and me-- I start to cry because now I think that those memories are wasted because you love someone else. I thought that way for a very long time. I mean, did you even remember them? I was so hurt... but I can't get mad at you. I know I was selfish and foolish for thinking such things. All I wanted was for you to smile for me. Just for me. Not like those ordinary smiles you give but something that I can memorize. To let me know that you accept me as an equal and a friend.

A phone call rang through the night while I was still outside, swimming with the noices of the city. I picked it up before the machine did. It was rather late. No one really calls me during the night. "Hello, Li here..."

"Ah, Meiling-chan! I thought no one was home." It was Daidouji-san.

"It's been awhile, Daidouji-san. How are you doing?"

"I'm fine and you?"

"It's getting hot. But I'm fine. School just started."

We talked for what seemed like forever-- the usual conversation of friends who have not seen or spoken to each other in awhile. We talked about Xiaolang and Kinomoto-san, this and that, and then... she told me about a dance...

"The theme will be 'Fairy Tales'," she explained. "You have to dress up as someone who lived happily ever after." She paused for a moment. "Meiling-chan... I've sent a package for you to give to Li-kun. I need your help..."

At that time, for the past few days, Xiaolang was in a quiet state. He often just sat there in the garden looking off into the distance. "Hey, Xiaolang! Stop sitting there and give me a hand with this package." The box was heavy. Daidouji-san sure knows how to solve every situation. But I'm glad, she asked me for help. I would do anything to make him stop looking stupid and sad like he was.

"Meilin!" He gotup from the bench he was sitting on to help me with the box. "Why are you bringing something like this out here? Mother's in the kitchen."

"It's not for her. It's for you."

He looked surprised and almost dropped the package. "No, it can't be.." he mumbled, staring at the box.

"What are you talking about?"

"Damn that Daidouji. All I said was, 'I wish I can go but..' She didn't even let me finish my sentence and then... It can't be..."

"Well, go ahead and open it." I said. "I want to see what it is."

He opened the large heavy box carefully. There, wrapped securely, was a beautifully made Prince Charming costume, with everything included. The feathered hat, the shoes, the cape... and a small note as well, written carefully in Daidouji-san's neat handwriting. He sighed a frustrated sigh. Though a small smile appeared on his face that had been missing for days. "Daidouji is an idiot."

"She called me, you know. Why didn't you tell me? It's romantic, isn't it? Kinomoto-san will be very surprised." I kneeled down in from of him. "So stop moping around. I never thought you the type to be love sick like this."

"I am NOT love sick," Xiaolang stated. His usual glare thrown at me. Except this time, it softened up. "It's just that... I miss her that's all. Training's been hard, school's been frustrating, and Mother keeps pressuring me about things. When I talked to her on the phone the other night, She sounded like she was about to cry. I.. I hate it when anyone cries. Especially her."

"Hopeless Xiaolang. Then what's stopping you? Nothing ever stopped you before." I handed him an envelope with a plane ticket inside. "This is for you. Just looking at your sad face makes me depressed. And I can't be depressed. Depression will deminish my beauty, you know."

He took the ticket in his hands. "Meilin..." he said, in that usual way of his, whenever he says my name. "Than..."

I put my hand up. "No need to thank me. I just want you to be happy that's all. So just go to Japan already, and make Kinomoto-san happy. I talked to Auntie. She said it was OK." I walked away. Now those two can be happy again. Daidouji-san and I have done our job. I couldn't help but think then, about when it will be my turn as well. Will I find someone to dance with someday? And how will our hearts beat? Will it be fast like the prince? Or calm like the princess? I wonder if I'll ever know the answer.

"Meilin!" Xiaolang was at my porch the next day, breathing hard. He yelled my name once more with determination in his eyes.

"What is it? Why are you standing there looking like that?"

"Meilin! I want you... I want you to..." My hopeless cousin. You almost have to laugh when he's this frustrated and when his face is all red. "Meilin, I want you to teach me how to dance!"

Because he was so embarassed and frustrated, Xiaolang accidentally said it too loud that his sisters who were sunbathing on one of the garden terraces, squealed with delight.

"Why does our cute little brother want to know how to dance?"

"He wants to dance with his little Cherry Blossom"

"Ah! I can just see it! Our cute little brother... dancing with his cute little girlfriend!"

"Cute! Cute! Cute!"

Xiaolang's face got redder and redder everytime his sisters made a comment. "ENOUGH!" He yelled at them. He looked like he was about to say something more... but closed his mouth instead and turned to me. "Meilin," he said, calmly. "Please teach me how to dance."

I had to smile at this. Xiaolang looked desperate and determined at the same time. It was the first time he had asked for my help for anything. I felt very happy.

We practiced in the Li training room. A room that always made me uncomfortable when I was little. It was bare, with wooden walls and wooden floors and a few floor mats. It was scary in there really. It was quiet and it was located in the far corner of Auntie's place. Far enough so no one can disturb you.

"Well, where should we start?" I turned the CD player on. Slow, ballroom music filled the empty room. "The first thing you have to do, is know how to hold your partner."

With the mention of that, Xiaolang immediately turned red but nodded. "All right"

"So... come and hold me." He turned even redder, but did what I told him. "Wrap your arm around my waist like this and hold my other hand like this." He was nervous. I could feel his whole body shaking. "You're heart's beating really fast," I said, resting my head on his chest for a few seconds. "You don't have to be so nervous. It's only me you know."

"I can't help it all right? This whole thing is making me uncomfortable and crazy."

"Just calm down and you'll be fine."

"I keep stepping on your feet."

"It's all right. It doesn't hurt. Just like this. It's simple really. You have to lead me. So you step forward and I step back, like this. Then we count. One, two, three, four... One, two, three, four.." It took my cousin a few times and though he was awkward, he was dancing. I don't think he ever did get calm holding me. He was nervous and his face was forever crimson. "Now it's time for the slow dance..."

Xiaolang quickly jumped aback with total horror. "EHHH?"

"Slow dance. Slow dance! Dear cousin. It's nothing new and it's necessary for you to dance it."

"You're torturing me aren't you?"

"Xiaolang-- just dance with me will you? You don't have to dance with me anymore after this. You said you wanted me to teach you didn't you?"

And so, as I was dancing with my nervous cousin.. that story his sisters told me when I was little, came back to me....

.... Once upon a time there lived a Prince and a Princess who loved to dance... but when they listened to each others hearts... one was calm and the other fast ...

It was a story I did not know the answer to. But now I realized that it really was an obvious answer. I love you Xiaolang. I love you forever.

"I think you've done well enough. With that Kinomoto-san, if she starts crying because you aren't there... well, I can't even see that. So put a smile to her face."

He gave a small distant smile. "Ah... I can't wait to see her."

I turned the CD player off. "This room still scares me a little. It's so empty and unfeeling. When you and I trained here-- I always wondered how you can be OK in this room. I live for noise, I guess."

"I got used to it. No one really talked to me then. Or bothered me. Like you did. So before you, I didn't really care."

"I bothered you?" I sighed, smiling at him. "Ah... that's me. But you're happy that I bothered you right? Admit it."

Another small smile appeared on his face before I left the empty room.

"Meilin..." He called to me.

"Hm?"

"Thank you"

More than a year has past since that day and everything is different now. Different because when Xiaolang came back, there was a happy gleam in his eyes. A determination of some kind. Different because I too changed. I realized that I just need to let go. Let go of everything I have kept all hidden in my heart.

Xiaolang was leaving for good in two days. He was leaving because of Kinomoto-san. Because he told her that he would be back. And because she told him that no matter how long it takes, she'll wait for him as well. Even though there's a missing piece of my heart now-- I'm happy because for once in his life, finally... I know he's happy.

I gave up now. I gave up a long time ago. But I'll always love him. How can I not? he was always there for me, even when I bothered him and annoyed him... still Xiaolang didn't say anything to make me hate him. I love him because of so many things. But I love him most of all because of his kindess. He hides that kindess well, with those glares of his, but I know him well enough. I love him because even if it was a silly childhood promise, he still kept it. I always wondered why. He didn't have to. I was just being me. Did you love me Xiaolang?

... I love you! I love you the most in this world. I want to be your fiance. You don't have anyone else you love do you? But if you do find someone else, then I don't have to be your fiance anymore. But until then, I'll be your fiance. I love you the most. Promise me ....

I was so foolish. I was so stubborn. Even then, I was outspoken. I was never one to hide my feelings. I did so many awful things to Kinomoto-san especially, because I knew that someday... Someday-- it will turn out this way. But I never hated Kinomoto-san. She was so nice and so kind, even when I was so mean. I love Kinomoto-san too. I hope she takes care of my cousin. I hope they'll be happy.

"Well, this is it. Isn't it? I'll miss you Xiaolang. You better visit often or else I'll come over there to drag you back here. Call me when you get there." I was the last in line. The last one of the family to say goodbye to him. Auntie and the rest were already waiting for me off to the side of the airport. "I'll miss you, you know. The Li place will never be the same without you. I'm already missing you now and you didn't even leave yet." I took his hand. He still had yet to say something but it was OK. That was Xiaolang after all. He didn't really need to say anything to me. "I'll miss you.." I said again.. letting go off his hand and heading to where our family stood... But Xiaolang-- he grabbed my arm and pulled me to him. He embraced me so tightly, I almost lost my breath.

"Stupid. Why are you walking away when I didn't even say anything to you yet..."

I was lost for words. His grip loosened up a little but he didn't let go of me. I found myself wrapping my arms around him too.

"Meilin, I'll miss you. Thank-you..." He whisphered in my ear.

"Thank you? Thank you for what?"

"For caring for me. For being my friend. I know I never showed it but I thank you for being my best friend. I know you may not think it but you do have a special place in my heart. I love you Meilin. I love you very much. Thank you for always caring for me."

"Xiaolang..." I sighed softly and closed my eyes, my head on his shoulder. He was still holding me tightly. I could smell his scent. I could hear his heart. It was so calm and beating steadly. I could feel his warm breath on my neck. I always wanted Xiaolang to hold me like this. Closely and tightly like this. To tell me he loved me like he had done. But it's different now. I'm so happy that he thinks of me as his best friend. I was so happy that he told me he loved me. Hopeless Xiaolang-- this is why I love you very much.

He let go of me and again he said, "I'll miss you Meilin..."

I nodded. "Now you can go and live happy ever after. Your fairytale is finally starting."

"Couldn't you think of anything else to say other than that corny line?" He smiled at me. A really bright smile. A smile that was only for me. Ah, Xiaolang, you really do look nice with a smile. You should do it more often. "Meilin... I'll pray for you as well. Like you did for me a long time ago. Under the skies of Tomoeda. I want you to find your happiness too." And with that, with one last big smile-- Xiaolang waved goodbye and headed towards the departing gates. I wonder when I'll see him again. I hope it won't be too long.

... Love ... is difficult. It hurts, it pains, it breaks your heart. But it also brings happiness if you let it. I don't love Xiaolang anymore as someone that could eventually be my prince. But I love him even more as a friend. A best and precious friend. And though he didn't realize it, he gave me what I always wanted. A smile. A smile from him to tell me that I was his friend. I'm perfectly happy with that.

For my cousin who was always so serious, who once never smiled and never laughed... I wish you all the happiness in the world with Kinomoto-san. I wish that someday I can have a happy ending too.

You know... there really is nothing like the nights of Hong Kong. It always welcomes me. When I had a broken heart and whenever I was happy-- the stars spanning that black sky always gave me hope. It showed... -forever-.... Forever. I want to be happy too. -Forever- I want to dance in a fairytale dance with my prince whose heart will be calm just like mine because he's dancing with me and only me. -Forever- And I know in my heart that my forever will come one day. And I'll say, the skies of Hong Kong showed me that. Yes, I want to find happiness too. -Someday... Forever...-