Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Kaleidoscope of Colours ❯ Different Shades ( Chapter 1 )

Kaleidoscope of Colours

By Sujakata

Dedicated to: Kame, who taught me how to flip someone over my head, YOU ROCK!!!

Disclaimer: I don't own CCS, CLAMP does, don't sue me, I have nothing…. Well I do have some DBZ videos and hair…. And friends…. And a family…. And eyes…. But yeah, I don't have any money…. Ok I do, I have $0.45 but that's all I swear!

AN/ a three shot (in three parts) sort of a song fic, but hopefully its long enough to be good…. Hopefully :D

Part One: Different Shades

Sakura Kinomoto

They painted up your secrets - With the lies they told to you - And the least they ever gave you - Was the most you ever knew - And your wondering where these dreams go - when the world gets in your way - what's the point in all this screaming - no ones listening anyway

… it was snowing, well I suppose its supposed to snow in winter isn't it? I like snow, I love winter, the coldness gives you a reason to snuggle up on your couch, blankets wrapped around you like a cocoon and a steaming hot chocolate in one hand with the remote control in the other, watching some movie or another. Winter is the best season, snow fights, building snowman, I actually built one outside yesterday and its still there, I wonder when the younger kids will come by and smash it to the ground while laughing and running around, their faces pink with excitement and the cold. Syaoran was supposed to come yesterday, he didn't.

I wonder where he is, I tried calling him, thinking maybe he was sick or something, I suppose he's just busy or something, what with his family coming over for Christmas, I thought it was the most funniest thing I had ever seen that day…

*~*~*~*~*~*FLASHBACK*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Syaoran looked like a bear, this huge brown coat on, ear muffs, a scarf and he was huddled inside his jacket shivering like there was no tomorrow

"I will n-never get u-used to w-winter, I h-hate it" Syaoran stuttered, only his eyes were visible over the top oh his collar and I just smiled shaking my head.

"I love winter" I said with a small wistful smile, he growled and turned his attention to the arrivals gate. He couldn't believe that his family decided to come over to Japan for Christmas and he'd gone into a frenzy of trying to make his home more tidy, me personally, I thought it was already tidy, he's such a clean freak. Smiling I nudged his shoulder with mine.

"I remember when we caught the freeza card at the ice rink, you looked so funny skating." I couldn't help myself I cracked up, holding my stomach as he glared at me, hell he looks damn sexy when he does that, and I don't care if I even said that out loud, surly he knows that by now? Shaking my head at my stupid thoughts I nudged him again and nodded my head to the arrivals gate. Seven Chinese women stood there scanning the crowds, Syaoran groaned and I gave him a puzzled glance

"what?" he turned his fiery amber eyes to me and my breath caught, ill never get used to that look, never.

"they brought her" I turned back to the group confused

"who, Mei Lin?" Syaoran sighed and shook his head.

"No, the other girl, the one they want me to marry" my world turned a strange shade of grey when he said that, after the Mei Lin thing I'd thought they wouldn't try and set him up with anyone again, not so soon anyway.

"your fiancé?" he shuddered and shook his head.

"no, but they want her to be" he said, he was about to say something else when a shriek pierced the air and thundering footsteps headed our way. We both looked up to see Mei Lin hurtling towards us and Syaoran braced himself for the impact…. And waited…. Nothing slammed into him, of course I'd been waiting for Mei Lin to glomp him like she always did and so when she `gracefully' jumped on me I fell backwards with a loud

"OUF!"

"SAKURA! OH I'VE MISSED YOU, HOW ARE YOU?" Mei Lin screamed, her voice almost bordering on hysteria, I looked up at Syaoran who was trying to hold in his laughter and failing miserably.

"oh shut up you" I yelled, changing Mei Lin's direction of interest to her favourite cousin, quickly getting off of me she charged him, bringing him crashing to the ground too.

"SYAORAN! I DIDN'T SEE YOU, OH HOW I'VE MISSED YOU, HOW ARE YOU?" I couldn't hold in my laughter and so payed him back what I owed. There were a few clearing of throats and we all looked up to see a young girl, maybe fourteen years old, four years younger then myself and five years to Syaoran. She was pretty, I that young girl way, her eyes were a dark brown, and large, she had a small pointed nose and thin pink lips, her hair was a dark brown as well and my first impression of her was… mouse.

"oh… Sakura, Syaoran, this is Ju-ni-kai-o" Mei Lin's voice had lowered to a contemptuous level and I looked at her strangely for a moment, she obviously still cares a lot for Syaoran, well I mean who wouldn't become attached to him, he was absolutely gorgeous…*cough*…

"Konichiwa mina-san, watashi no na-m-i-e wa Ju-ni-kai-o" I pulled myself up to a standing position and bowed to her.

"Konichiwa" I replied, I had a strange disliking to her, there was something off about her, or maybe I was being territorial about Syaoran… territorial? I'm an animal now? I laughed then and all present looked at me strangely, I coughed nervously and straightened my out fit out and bowed deeply to Yelan and her daughters who had somehow contained themselves from throwing their hands around Syaoran and myself and exclaiming how cute we were. Shuddering slightly at the remembrance of what had happened the first time I visited Syaoran's Hong Kong home I pushed the thought away and turned to them smiling.

"I hope your flight was nice" the new girl junk or whatever looked confused and I shrugged it off, probably didn't know any Japanese, she is way too young to marry Syaoran, way too young.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~END FLASH BACK~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I wonder if maybe he is just trying to get settled down with his family in his apartment, its pretty funny when I think of it, Syaoran has always lived by himself while at Tomoeda, except for that one time when Mei Lin came, and now he has seven women running around his house. I laugh at the thought of Syaoran backed into a corner with his sisters and Mei Lin trying to dress him up prettily. Then a picture of that doe eyed girl comes in to my mind and I growl, I know I'm jealous, its rather obvious to me why, I love him, have since that night when he comforted me after Yukito told me that he knew he wasn't the one I was supposed to love most. It had broken my heart as soon as I heard those words, but I knew, after Syaoran comforted me at King penguin park that what Yukito said was true, and I found out right there and then that I'd been using Yukito as a kind of barrier to keep my feelings for Syaoran hidden, under lock and key, and as soon as Yukito told me what I already knew the lock broke and I felt the onslaught of my feelings.

I don't have the curage to tell him my feelings because even if he did love me back, his family would never allow it. They are way too strict and I know right now that the Li Elders HATE me, when I first met them they had demanded to cards, I of course denied them and after that, I could feel them watching me, waiting for me to let my guard down so they could steal them. Even after all that I still could not hate the Li Clan, only the Elders I didn't trust and I knew they would never allow me and Syaoran to have any relationship other then friendship, and if this was the only way I could be close to him, then so be it.

Syaoran Li

I cant believe that everything they ever told me is a lie! I cant face Sakura, or anyone now, I've been locked in my stupid room for almost a day now and I refuse to come out. Oh they said that it didn't matter who I was, I would always be a Li, I cant believe that they lied to me for all those years, everyone knew except for me and I felt betrayed. I'm the illegitimate child of some unknown FARMER! I thought I was important, I thought my father died when I was young, I thought that they were my family. I'm a farmers son…. A FARMER! She told me she couldn't remember his name, he died last year or something, I actually don't care so much that he was a farmer, I do, I know but the most hurtful thing was that my father was still alive all those years that I thought he was dead. I could have gotten to know him, found out what I got from him, but my mother, the whore that she is, just couldn't remember his name. She'd said that the Elders had demanded that she tell me everything, that I know who I really am. It's a way foe them to control me more, I know that. My mother said her and `father' had had a fight and she'd run off, to be comforted by the farmer and one ting led to another. I don't buy it for a second, there was a gleam in her eye when she told the story, almost a maniacal look, and it shook me to my core.

Now I know never to trust anyone, everything that I thought was true isn't, I had secrets that I'd told my mother, things that I'd told no one else… not even Sakura, and here she was telling me that the Elders had wanted to know everything about me, wanted to make sure I wasn't `tainted' with un Li like characteristics and so my mother let them go through her mind, find out every little detail she knew about me. I felt exposed, betrayed and exposed. I can never face anyone ever again.

They don't care about me now, I know that, all they care about is that someone with strong magical abilities leads the family and keeps the Li line pure, that is why I have to marry someone in the family, because I'm not OF the family. That makes me hurt a lot, I don't belong to the Li Clan any more, I never did, and I hate it, I HATE IT!!!! There's really no point actually, no one cares, I could scream out to the world who I was and they wouldn't look even once at me, not even once. I'm not all that important, all that training, all of those times they beat it into me that I was nothing, that I was an instrument to the Li Clan and that I had to be strong to lead it, they brain washed me, everything they taught me had been a lie, all of it unravelled through one small lie, my whole life is I lie. I am nothing but a lie.

… I was supposed to meet her yesterday, she called, I know that, but I cant face her. I'm not who she thinks I am, but I know she cares, out of all the people in the world she cares, hell she cares about everyone but can make me feel so important when I'm around her. I don't understand how she does it, its her aura, or something. Her whole being screams `I care about you, I care about everything, you are important to me' it doesn't matter if you're a complete stranger, or her best friend, she cares about everyone and everything and that is probably why I love her, she makes me feel so important, even if it is just one person, she makes me feel as though I am important to her and the rest of the world. It's a false sense of belonging I know that, but she told me once that it didn't matter what happened, as long as she was living and breathing I would still be one of her friends

~*~*~*~*~*~*~FLASH BACK~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Syaoran?"

"hmm?"

"I… I just wanted to say that…. Your important to me"

I was stunned to silence for a moment and looked at her with questioning eyes, where was this coming from?

"no hear me out, just shush for a minute" I smiled at that, she was so cute sometimes "if… if something happens and you hate me for some reason, I- I want you to know that no matter what, I'll always be there for you… I'll always be your friend, while I'm living anyway… I don't know what happens when you die, but if I can, I will be your friend even then… if I can be…" she trailed off, thinking about the afterlife, a little confused and I suppressed a smile, she was the only one that could make me do that and I chuckled and pulled her into a hug.

"I wont ever hate you" I said in a whisper, and I shook my head as she giggled slightly and hugged me back

~*~*~*~*~*~*~END FLASH BACK~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

no, I could never hate her, she had some kind of thing with her eyes that she did when she thought you were angry with her and it made you melt… well it made me melt, and it sure made every other male in the vicinity melt, but still I could never hate someone I loved.

~*~

Sakura Kinomoto

your voice is small and fading - and your hiding here alone - and your mother loves your father - but she's got no where to go - and she's wondering where these dreams go - cause the world gets in her way - what's the point in never trying - nothings changing anyway

"I didn't expect to see you here" I asked as Syaoran sat down next to me on the swings, the girl junk stood by Syaoran, looking longingly at him, Syaoran however ignored her.

"I needed to get away" he said annoyed, now glancing in junk's direction. She blushed at him and lowered her eyes meekly and Syaoran tutted in disgust. "go find something to do" he shooed. Junk looked up at him with hurt eyes and glared at me and I just smiled at her, happy that she was leaving so I could talk to Syaoran. Her glare faltered and she frowned before turning away

"I'll just be over here if you need me" she said quietly and walked away to sit on one of the park benches.

"you still look like a bear who is supposed to be hibernating" I said laughingly, only to stop short and Syaoran's painful look. I quickly got up and knelt in front of him, holding his gaze "what's wrong?" I have never, never seen him look like this, he looked lost, hurt, angry, sad, unsure. Syaoran was never lost or unsure, something's happened. He looked away from me and sighed.

"you promise to still be my friend?" he asked, a lump formed in my throat, he's going to tell me he's decided to marry junk, I cant bare it if that's it. I nodded anyway, I would always be his friend no matter what, I'd promised myself that a long time ago

"I promise to be your friend, I told you that already." He turned back to me and stared straight into my eyes.

"I'm a bastard" he said simply. What the???

"err… I don't understand" I said, he usually didn't cuss around me unless he was berating himself, was he doing that now? He swallowed and turned away from me again, his eyes going slightly unfocussed.

"my mother had an affair with a farmer, I'm the fruits of that labour" he said sarcastically, his voice full of hatred.

"Syaoran" I said and pulled his face towards me, my voice softening, "I don't care about what happened between your mother and some farmer, I care about you, I know you, you are my friend, you are my partner in card capturing- "I paused there and smiled "you are important to me and are always there for me, I know who you are Syaoran, but you need to find out for yourself who you are. You don't seem to be so sure of yourself now, but Syaoran, that doesn't change what you used to be and what you are now, you are still the Syaoran Li who came to Tomoeda to steal the Clow Cards from me, the same Syaoran Li who glared at me, put me down, you are still the same Syaoran Li who then saved my life so many times I lost count, the Syaoran Li who taught me how to capture the cards, the Syaoran Li who then became my friend, the Syaoran Li who kicked that guys ass when he startled to hassle me, the Syaoran Li who stayed in Japan to be with his friends after so many summons from the Elders, the Syaoran Li who comforted me when I was sad, the Syaoran Li who- who carried me home when I collapsed at school, the- the Syaoran Li, who" I cant believe that I'm crying, but he just looked so forlorn that I had to make him see just who he was "the Syaoran Li who protected me from Eriol," it was clear to me at that instant that I had to tell him! I locked my gaze with him "you are the same Syaoran Li who I fell in love with" there I'd said it, his gaze didn't move away from me as he searched my eyes and I continued to search for myself what impact my words had on him, and that's when I saw for the first time in my life Syaoran Li, future leader of the Li Clan cry. Tears fell down his face as he slid off the swing onto his knees and he hugged me like there was no tomorrow, I hugged him back with as much strength as I could.

"you have no idea how long I've waited for those words" he whispered in my ears and I stiffened, his breath sending tingles down my spine as I felt his lips brush my ear "Ashiteru my Sakura-chan, and thankyou, thankyou so much" we continued to hug each other, my own tears renewed their efforts to drown Syaoran and we stayed that way on the cold snowy ground until the sun started to set.

I could see her, out of the corner of my eye as she came up behind Syaoran, her icy glare was almost comical, the young girl hated me and I didn't care, for the first time in my life I felt truly happy, and content and here was someone who hated me and I couldn't give a damn. I turned my head to the crook of Syaoran's neck and nuzzled for warmth and his arms tightened their hold momentarily before we both reluctantly pulled away. We had to go home and I really, really didn't want to. Syaoran smiled and tweaked my nose, he wiped my eyes dry and I did the same for him. We had just shared something very personal with each other and it was also magical. I turned him around and pushed him in the direction of his apartment.

"go on, little wolf, or you'll catch a cold." I joked, a silly grin on my face. He fake growled and narrowed his eyes

"first I'm a bear, now I'm a wolf? What next a penguin?" I laughed then

"oh yes, a ferocious penguin with razor sharp teeth that's going to bite my arm" he licked his lips and stepped forwards

"a yummy cherry blossom, all for the taking" I shrieked and slapped his arm

"you wouldn't dare" I said with mock outrage "Tomoyo would kill you if you made a scar on my skin" Syaoran chuckled

"who said I was going to bite that hard?" my eyes widened and a small smile replaced my silly one, I took a step forwards, now this was something I never dreamed would happen between me and Syaoran, and then that was the moment that Junk decided that she'd seen enough, she punched me in the face. It was so unexpected that I fell to the ground, and what was worse was it had been so damned weak. I scolded myself for not being alert and Syaoran had always griped at me to be, after spending so much time learning a few martial arts moves he'd said "the most important thing a fighter always remembers is to be alert at ALL TIMES" I'd rolled my eyes at that time but now I wished id payed more attention. I groaned and stood up rubbing my butt and I looked up in time to see Syaoran pull the small girl away and throw her to the ground.

"NEVER, EVER HURT SAKURA, YOU DON'T TOUCH HER, YOU DON'T LOOK AT HER, YOU DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT HER, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" Sakura had never seen Syaoran so mad… well almost never, there was that time when Eriol had tried to make Syaoran laugh by throwing a water balloon at him, it hit him in the eye and he had had a black eye for a week, Eriol had to run away every time Syaoran set eye on him. Junk looked hell scared and I couldn't blame her, if Syaoran had been yelling at me like that I would have burst into tears. The girl only frowned

"she was insinuating sexual things towards you Li-sama" Syaoran actually grinned and turned towards me

"you were?" I flushed red and tried to stutter something which was totally incoherent. Syaoran just smiled softly and pulled me close to him. "so was I, but I do think we should go home before something happens" I rolled my eyes as swatted his arm

"is that all men think about?" he thought for a moment and then shrugged

"I don't know about other males but me personally-" I didn't let him finish I covered his mouth with my hand and looked around us, the park was a place for families, and not these kinds of conversations.

"you can tell me later about what you were going to say, I think we should all go home" it was getting late and Touya was coming over for tea. Syaoran sighed and nodded his head.

"will you be alright walking home?" he asked concern showing through his amber eyes. I smiled and nodded and before he could let go I gave him a quick peck on the cheek before rushing away to get home, my face burning a deep crimson.

Syaoran Li

I cannot believe what just happened, one minute I'm depressed, the next I'm hugging Sakura and were joking around about… er.. other things, and she LOVES ME!!!! Oh I so cant keep it all inside me, and when she kissed me I was on the moon, doing a dance and singing to the world below that I was in love with the most beautiful person in the world and she loved me back.

But I know that I have to talk to my mother at some point, the whole thing about being depressed was because of that and I really did need to talk to her, what Sakura said was true, I was still me, but I knew that my mother saying she didn't remember the farmer was a lie, and I needed to find out the truth.

Ju-ni-kai-o Li was there, next to me and I felt really unhappy about her being around me, the whole thing with her was weird, she was five years younger then me and I didn't like her at all. Actually I hated her, she was a little off, and actually thought she could order around my sisters as if they were her salves, well she's got another thing coming, ha, as if id marry her, id sooner marry Mei Lin and she wasn't half as bad as Ju-ni-kai-o.

My mother was in her room, sitting on the bed and staring off into space. I sat down next to her and waited until she noticed my presence.

"you know don't you" she said softly, I nodded my head knowing exactly that she was talking about me knowing it was more then just a one night stand. She sighed and turned to look at me, her hand going to my face and gently caressing it. "you look a lot like him, you father" she had never been so docile around me, nor so open with her affections. "your `father' was a cruel man, he wanted nothing but sons, and I gave him daughters, he had wanted to destroy them and I had to send them to different families to keep them safe, it is true that I ran away from your father and there I found a young and very handsome farmer, he was single, and very kind. He and I saw each other regularly, we started out as friends and before I knew it id fallen in love with him. We had one night together, and it had been so special, it wasn't rough like your `father' but gentle and full of love and care. Your `father' found out of course and was going to go and kill the man but I ran ahead of him and warned Tae-cho and he escaped, that's your fathers name Syaoran Tae-cho Lei, and he was the most wonderful man ever to live on this planet and I am not ashamed of what I did, and never will be, my only regret was that you never knew him, and you never knew you were his son."

I couldn't believe it, and I wasn't angry about it either, she stood up and walked to her draw and pulled out a small brown box and came and sat back down next to me.

"this is all I have of our time together" she handed it to me and I opened the small box, there inside was a small pressed purple flower, pulling it out i looked at the small black and white picture of my mother and a man, they looked so happy and were so perfect together, I looked at the man more closely and smiled softly, he did look like me, and then there under the picture was a letter addressed to… me? My mother smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder. "I told him I was pregnant, and he said he knew for a surety that you were going to be a son, and so asked that I name you Xiaolang, I couldn't refuse and so just before he left he handed me this and said to hand it to you when I felt the time was right, Xiaolang, I hated lying to you, please, please forgive me" I watched her for a moment before I lunged at her and held her in a fierce hug.

"I forgive you ma-ma"

~*~

Dear Xiaolang Lei,

My son, well, I hope you're a son, if your not then I'm sorry daughter. I don't really know what to say, your mothers husband is on the way to kill me and I fear for her greatly, she is a strong woman your mother and I ask that you protect her from everything. I've been told that fathers are supposed to give their children words of wisdom, but the only thing I've ever learnt from my experience is that when yo find the woman you love then you will do anything for her, I would actually fight this Shen Li, but Yelan has told me he is an expert martial artist and will kill me. It wouldn't bother me to fight to the death but Yelan has begged me to run and so I will do anything for her happiness.

She told me that as long as I was free then so would her spirit, that was the only thing that made me run, I wish I got to see you when you were born, you must be so handsome now. I don't have much more time and so I will tell you one more thing. Never go without telling the person you love how much you feel for them, because you never know when they wont be there, or you wont be there. Stay safe my son and live a happy life

Your father, Tae-cho Lei

P.S I will be watching over you and your mother, for now and forever, you are my family and I love you both dearly.

I re-read the letter at least ten times over before I placed it under my bed and turned off the light, I now knew who I was and no one, not even the Li Clan Elders could ever take control over my life again, I would not allow it.

~*~

They press their lips against you - with the lies and love they've sewn - and I tried so hard to reach you - but your falling anyway - and you know I see right through you - cause the world gets in your way - what's the point in all this screaming - your not listening anyway

… your not listening anyway

~*~*~*~

Song- untitled by Goo Goo Dolls (im seeing them this Thursday, im so excited :D)

Next part will be up soon, remember this is a three part story.

Hope you enjoyed it :D