Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Purple Flame ❯ Clow's Dilemma ( Chapter 1 )

Purple Flame Angst/Romance

I don't own Cardcaptor Sakura.

This story is about Eriol and Sakura. So, if you don't like this pair, don't read. (And it never be good for S+S fans) Eriol in this story is quite disturbing nature and OOC since I wanted to make him more twinsted like Lizard Valeth, a crazy, totally perverted, yet most romantic? guy from Play Station Game Valkyrie Profile (I really love him a lot! He is very clever, stunningly good-looking and mysterious like Eriol and two of them use magic, speak very politely. but I don't make my Eriol totally sadistic like Lizard though. On the other hand, Sakura, well, she is very shy and innocent almost like Lenneth Valkyria isn't she? Lizard used to make homunclus(Sorry, but I don't remember how to spell... ) and raise her as his Valkyria .while Clow and Eriol look after Sakura from her birth... Well maybe major diffrences are that Clow never uses black magic and kills anyone while Lizard killed thousands of elves for getting back his Lenneth in life without any hesitence nor guilty!! but apart from that don't you think Eriol and Lizard look quite similar? Maybe I should dodge some vegetables thrown from people...

P.S. I made Eriol and Clow were like Yue and Yukito, and they can communicate each other.

"........" Stands for speech

<........> Stands for thought

(.........) Stands for author's comments

In this story, Eriol and Sakura is 18 years old. Toya and Yukito are only 3 years elder than Sakura. She has got married with Shaoran. Eriol was in England when they got married.

2months later from the marriage, Eriol comes back to Japan with his gurdians for one reason.

Warning: This story contains lemon, a sexual description and certain violences. so it is not for children under 17.

Purple Flame

Chaptor 1 Clow's Dilemma

"Sakura... Sakura... Sakura... "

I murmur the name of the most beatiful, precious thing in my life. She is my light, my star which radiates my gloomy, miserable lonely life... yet, I can't grasp my light as she belongs to another, who is ironically, my descendent. Yes, my body is a half filled with another spirit, Clow Reed who used to be the most powerful sorcerer in the world long time ago. Why me..? Why didn't Clow choose any other instead of me... If I were a nomal human, not a mighty sorcerer, I could have Sakura now... but at the same time, I painfully know that I could never meet her unless I was him, since my love, Sakura was chosen as a new captor of his creation, Clow Cards.

Sakura, I wish I could always be with you, I wish I could tell how much I love you and desire to hold you in my arms eternally...

"Master? The dinner is ready now. Would you like to eat now?"

Ruby Moon, my loyal moon gurdian calls me.

"Are you thinking of Sakura again.? "

She asks me with worried look. I smile at her wryly, absent mindedly touching a single thornless rose in the small vase. The petal is smooth like her hand which at once has heated up at my simple touch. This feel reminds me that day when my lips brushed her small soft delicate hand, which drove me to wish I could touch forever...

"Arigatou, Ruby... I'll have it later as I don't feel like having a dinner at this moment."

I smile at her with my best friendly smile.

"Well, ok.. but please eat later.. please... I don't want you to get ill or anything..."

"Don't worry I will, Ruby.. "

then she's gone. I glance outside where it is raining endlessly like tears from my eyes. I wonder what she is doing at this moment. I smile a little, imagining her beautiful small face like an angel fallen from the sky. My angel... why did you go to Shaoran, not me who needs nothing more than your love in my life? Why did you become his wife and not mine? If you are my wife, I will never let you down, or leave you alone unlike Shaoran. I sigh deeply, sit in front of my piano to play same piece again... It helps in easing my sharp never-ending pain. Ah, I wonder what Chopin really did feel when he made this beautiful yet sad piece... Had he suffered the same pain as I feel now? Had he helplessly pined for, adored any precious lady as much I do to Sakura? My heart is still pierced deeply, bleeding by painful memories when I had to just watch quietly my precious cherry blossom and little wolf being together happily. I just can't let my heart keep hurting like this any more. I need to tell her even if she is a wife of another. I need her, I need her beautiful smile more than anything... I take a phone, press the number of her house Daidouji-san told me before.

"Moshimoshi?"

I hear the gleeful voice of Sakura which melts quickly my tormented heart, lights up my hope, my desire.

"Is it Sakura-san? I'm Eriol, How have you been?"

"Oh, Erio-kun!! Hai, I'm fine. How about you? Are you calling from England? It's been a long time to talk hasn't it?"

I can't help but smile as she talks to me with an excitement, imagining her sweet radient face.

"No. I came back Tomoeda last week. er.. How's Shaoran?".

A stinging pain immediately strikes me whenever I or someone mention his name.

"He is absolutely fine. He teaches martial arts in a sports centre at Tomoeda while he is planning to open a new dojo. but he is now in Hong Kong to see his family. He'll come back next week hopefully."

"Oh, I see. by the way, I wonder if you would like to have a dinner at my house tomorrow night to have a chat, the two of us since I couldn't go to your wedding due to my family affair. "

<No, Eriol you know that you didn't go because you couldn't bear to see her wedding with another man... > My mouth curves a bitter smile.

"Hai, I'd really love to."

She answers with an ever merrily voice.

"That's great, How about 8:00?"

"Hai, That's fine for me. See you at 8:00."

"Hai, I'm looking forward to seeing you soon. "

"Me too, see you, Eirol-kun."

"See you, Sakura-san."

Hanging up the phone, I sigh with tremendous relief since my little descendent is not there now. I feel my heart is filled with warmth. I go to the dining room to have a dinner with Ruby. I sniff an aromatic smell of Hungarian Goulash, one of my favorite dishes by her.

"Ah. Master, finally, you came to eat... "

Ruby smile at me with her usual vivaciousness.

"Well.., I suddenly felt hungry... so.. "

I smile at her a little. She sighed with a smile

"Have a sit. Master anyway, I'll serve your food now. Oh, yeah, Master, Do you mind if I spend a few nights outside from tomorrow as my tutor of Archaeology class invited me to escavate in an alchaeological site in Nara."

"No, of course not, Ruby Moon.I hope you will enjoy with To-ya san and Yukito-san."

I tease her with my usual sly smlie..

"I will definetely, because of To-ya!"

She chirps enthusiastically, disappearing into the kitchen.to prepare my dinner. I rest on my seat, pondering about tomorrow. What can I cook for her, it should be most romantic dinner I can make... for confessing my true feelings for her from the bottom of my heart. I hear a familiar voice which distracts the thoughts in my mind. I decide to talk with the person.

<Oh, hi, Clow, I know that you want to stop me from confessing to her. but I will freak out unless I do this. You are lying to yourself adoring her as a daughter. Clow. Don't deny it, you can't fool me since I'm you as well. I felt you burning desire when I touched her soft delicate hand. that day. Your feelings are now stuck between a fatherly love and a lover's love. Me? I have never loved Sakura as my daughter. Sakura is always my eternal love. I know that the half of your spirit went to her father, but it is just like a container. It does't mean you are her father. Clow, Why don't you admit your true feelings?.. Why did I help her to be together with your descendent? Obviously, I just wanted to make her happy despite my deep feelings for her. What a fool I was! I thought I could get over my feelings. I believed I was happy if she was happy even if she was with another. but now my heart is crying for her love and it hurts so much to bear. Clow, You haven't ever loved anyone really like you love Sakura now so you couldn't exactly guess how deep and strong my and your feelings would be. Why don't you set yourself free from a stupid fatherly love? It doesn't exist anymore in your heart really. No! I'm sorry Clow, but I'll do it my way since this is my body.> I forcibly stop my conversation with Clow. I feel my mouth carves a little smile. A cold, peccant smile, deciding to do what I want even if it is in some way immoral. I'll have Sakura, my star who is flushing with unconditional love. I am the one who deserves her not my or Clow's little descendent since I know he has made her cry so many times while I always care for her. My thought is cut by Ruby who came to serve me a hearty stew.

"Here is your stew, Master."

"Arigatou, Ruby, by the way, where is Spinel Sun?"

"Oh, he is at Sakura's house to play PS2 with Ceroberus like as always."

I feel my heart melts whenever people mention her name. I smile happily at Rubby.

<Spinel, you lucky one!> I can:t help but feel envie Spinel-Sun and Ceroberus..

"Master, what happened? you look happy again suddenly."

She cocks her head in confused look.

"Nothing, really... "

I chuckle in my usual way, start tasting my stew. Ruby curiously looks into my eyes, nibbling a piece of bread.

"Tell me Master, what are you planning this time? Huh?"

"Well... Sakura-san will come over tomorrow for a dinner to have a friendly chat with me since my little descendent are in Hong Kong at the moment."

"Oh... I see... well,I hope you will have a nice conversation with her."

then we enjoy our late dinner. After our splendid dinner, I say an early good night to Ruby then go to my library to pick up a book. A Mexican love story in which a young woman dedicated her life to cook the most delicious food you could ever imagine for her eternal unrequited lover who had to marry with her sister for an obligaton from his family despite his deep love for her. In the book, she cooked quails with rose petals sauce. In the end, the lovers killed themselves. Well, if I can die with Sakura, I' ll give up my life without any hesitation nor concience since nothing is more important than her in my life. After reading a few pages of the book on my soft bed, I drift myself into a peaceful sleep.

Being waken up by birds twettering outside. It is 9:00 a.m.. Another beautiful morning came. I glimpse a framed photograph of Sakura who is smiling at me brightly on my bedside table. I smile at her, touch it gently, whispering

"Good morning my cherry blossom."

then I go downstairs, enter my rose garden to pick dozen of sweet deep red roses for a tonight's dinner. I take them to the kitchen. put in a glass vase on the kitchen table.

The roses immediately spray sensual scent into the room. I decide to have a breakfast outside to bath a gentle smell of flowers. Ruby Moon is about to leave to meet To-ya, Yukito and others.

"Well, Have a safe journey, enjoy your trip. Ruby, Don't bug Toya-san too much, since you are sometimes very pushy."

I smiled at her with an huge grin.

"Hai, Master, Take care too, Have a lovely time with Sakura!"

Ruby left with a joyful smile. I close the front door, make my breakfast., take it with a small radio to a table outside. It is very strange that I can truely enjoy this sunny weather today unlike usual myself. I turn on the radio to listen to my favourite classical music channel. Closing my eyes, I float myself in the mingling air of beautiful music and sweet flower scent for a while. I can see Sakura who is wearing a long white dress for a bride, looking at me with her unique smile which melts any heart. She is coming towards me to kiss me with her soft silky lips, whispering... "Eriol, I love you always... you are my only love... " but I know it is not real since she is already other's wife. Opening my eyes, I bite my lips until slight blood drips from my lower lips. Tasting my blood bitterly, I got myself back to my real harsh life again.

but I put a piece of pancake in my mouth, the sweet taste evokes the past I spent with her at her house when me and her were Tomoeda Elementary students. Daidouji-san was filming us with a smile on her face while I was making cup cakes with my sweet Sakura. It is true that a touch or a taste recalls your memories of the past sometimes. They are very nostalgic moments which I cherish very much. After finishing my quiet peaceful breakfast, I go to my bedroom to pick up some clothes for tonight. As soon as choosing a dark purple silk shirt, black trousers, I go to the bathroom to have a refleshing shower to cool down myself since my body burns heavily by imaging Sakura. Pulling on my favourite black silk chinese clothes, I go downstairs to read a book under my favorite blue Sakura tree in my garden, which flower never stops blooming because of my magic. I'm thinking to bring her here and show my Sakura tree. I wonder what she is gonna say. Laying down on the grass, I look at the sky, just think of her. I can't wait to see her tonight yet there's still more than a half day until our meeting. I inhale deeply.to taste fresh slightly moist morining air. Since nobody except me are around my house, it is quite still. I start enjoying my reading in total silence.

Feeling hungry a little, I check my watch which indicates 1:00 p.m. I stood up to have a small snack instead of a proper lunch so I step into the kitchen. Nibbling an apple, take a few pieces of ham, sliced cucumber with french mustard then make sandwitches. I enjoy my sandwitches while reading and glance at a wall clock on the kitchen. it is 3:00. I start making a dinner for tonight, I cerefully pick petals from roses in the vase. I wonder if Sakura can feel my intense passion for her from my dish. Its colour is dark red like my blood, running from my heart. I shake my head and sigh deeply since I know that Sakura is most dense girl in a romantic way... Well, now I need to chant some incantation to get best quails for my love. I opt not to kill it by myself therefore four dead quails appear on the kitchen table. Carefully plucking all feathers from these sacred sacrifice, take all the guts out, put it in a medium oven dish, pour a bottle wine, push the dish into the preheated oven. Next, I take a small pan, add plenty of rose petals, pour spanish brandy, put on gentle heat. I dream how she tastes my special dish. Maybe I can put some aphrodisiac potion in it. No, it's not a good idea... I want to feel what she truely feel about me not by a canning potion. A wry smile appears on my pale face. Hum... I wonder what she is wearing tonight. Is it baby pink like her flawless skin or deep emerald green like her beautiful eyes? I haven't seen such a simple yet beautiful girl like her in my life. She is an incantation of beauty. It has passed 1 year since I met her last time. She must be much more stunning than last time. I inhale my aromatic rose sauce, which is indescriptically erotic which can make any woman falls for, well maybe not Sakura. Ah... If only she fell for me... I shake this thought off, concentrate my cooking. Going to the dining room, I set the table with a luxury wine red damask table cloth, some gold antique candle stands, lastly a large vase of blooming flowers such as white roses, red roses.and gardinia for representing my secret love. I click my finger, a golden oval plate with fruits like grapes, figs, pomegranades appeared and adds more luxe on the table. I smile satisfactory since this creates an sumptuous atomosphere in the room. I go back to the kitchen to prepare a dessert, chocolate coated pears with cointreau. I really love chocolate. It must be a gift from god. I pick and break some belgian chocolate bars in small pan while cooking whole pears in white wine, and a generous amount of cointreau. Cooking is my interest, it is more like a love, making something by myself always intrigues me. Well, I think the dinner will be ready on time. Picking up cooked pairs carefully, cover them with chocolate cream I just made, cool them down After put this dessert and Italian herb with grapefruit salad in the fridge, go to living room to play piano again. I am not really keen on watching TV since I always feel as if it is infesting human brains well, my brain at least.. I start playing Rachmaninov, closing my eyes again, drift myself in the wave of beautiful harmony... I'm planning to play some piece for my cherry blossom tonight, maybe I can play a piece of Debussy or Chopin, it should be Nocturne. I hear the old wall clock given from my grandfather struck 5:00. It is more 3 hours then she will be here. It was lucky for me that Spinel Sun is out as I can enjoy dinner with her, just two of us tonight. Of course, Spinell will go out if I ask, but it makes me feel awkward. I decide making some starter, apple pancakes with smoke salmon then go to my bedroom to change my clothes.

It's 7:30 p.m., I'm sitting on the sofa in the living room, waiting for my star restlessly. This moment seems a long time to wait, as if it is a thousands years... I touch a petal of white silky rose reminds me her ever soft skin.. I wish I could feel her sleek skin again... as her lover. I kiss the soft petal lightly, picturing her mesmerising emerald eyes. I inhale a sweet smell deeply.

then I sense she is walking toward my house. I can feel a sparkling pink aura of hers. I rush to open the front door, see her ethereal face which can make my heart stop forever...

God ! she is much more beautiful, graceful than I have anticipated... I just can't keep my eyes off from her. Sakura smiles at me with her gentle, warm ever radient face. She is wearing a feminine sea green long sleeve chiffon shirt and black long velvet skirt with black short boots which enbroideried betterfly and flower motives. Her slender pale neck were adorned with two sea green stoned beads necklaces as well as her ears. Her soft honey medium length brown hair draping over her shoulder gently.

"Konbanwa, Eriol-kun, Okaerinasai!"

She throws her slender arms on my shoulder as I lean my long body on her, hugges me like she always does. It seems never to change even after her marriage.

"I really missed you a lot... "

She smiles at me with her teary eyes which makes my heart tighten. I can't help but hug her fragile frame tightly, telling her.

"I missed you too, Sakura-san... " <I really missed you so much my sweet Sakura...>

I smile her back, suppressing the urge to kiss her passionately with all of my heart.

I take her soft still quite small hand, gently brush it like I did before when we were in Tomoeda Elementary School, then guide her to the living room.

"Gosh, you have become much more stunningly handsome than I have imagined... then your height... you are so tall... "

She exclaims in surprise. Yes, my height is more than six feet and five inches, average I guess.

"You too, Sakura-san, you have became absolutely most beautiful woman I have known... "

She blushed her pretty face with a strong pink hue which I always find attractive.

"Would you like some drink first?"

I ask her with my usual smile which Sakura said before she liked.

"Hai, Arigatou, may I have a cup of tea?

"Earl Grey or Normal?"

"Earl Grey please.. "

Sakura smiles cheerfully and sit on the sofa.

I make a pot of Earl Grey tea for two with some almond cookies on a tray for accompaniment, then sit on the armchair next to the sofa where she seats. I serve her a cup of tea, then mine, sipping, ask her about her life since I left Japan.

"So, how have you been doing? Sakura-san,"

"Oh, I'm leading in Sociology in Seijo University then sometimes do modelling for Tomoyo-chan's new clothes company, you know, she never changes.. "

She giggles with her unique smile which obsesses me so much...

"How about you? Eriol-kun?"

"Well, I have done some intensive doctor course, so hopefully, I can work as an alternative practioner or just take on my father's business which is a property dealer. but I still try improving my magic since I'm really a sorcerer at all."

I smile at her with an huge grin. She giggles again, sipping her tea then sighs happily.

"Ah... I miss my school days really you know.. chasing Clow Cards, fighting with Madoushi, even dealing with Void Card, it's like a precious memory now... "

"Hai, I think so too, but you still have got your friends who love you like they used to ne?"

"Hai, you are right, Eriol-kun, you are always right.!"

She nodded, smiling at me with trust.

but her word stab my heart deeply since I know I have done wrong before afout our relationship..

"Arigatou, but you are overestimating me, Sakura-san... "

I smile at her weakly. She cocks her head in confused look, blinking her beautiful sparkling eyes.

"Hoe?"

"Anyway, shall we have a dinner now?"

"Hai."

She follows me to the dining room. When she enters the room, she gasps in surprise.

"Oh my gosh! It... It's like a palace... Eriol-kun, it's so gorgoues!"

"Arigatou, Sakura-san."

I pull a chair to seat her, serve our starters then seat facing her. I smell a sweet flower scent from her sort honey brown hair.

"Arigatou, Eriol-kun."

She thanks me with an adorable blushed face.

"Would you like some wine?"

"Hai."

I pour some wine to her wine glass, then mine. It is Chateau Olivier which I kept for tonight occasion.

"Kanpai." We toast our reunion then start having a starter.

"Mumm... This salmon is so delicious... then this pancake... is there something inside?"

"Hai, I added pieces of apples. " I smile at her, giving her some explanation.

I watch her ever pink lips are moving playfully... Ah... I wonder how sweet they would be if I kiss these lips... I shake my delusion off, force myself to concentrate eating my starter. I stand up to serve my beloved cherry blossom a most romantic dish I have ever made. I serve it on white gold edged large plates.

"Eriol-kun, this smells very nice yet it is unusual aromatic smell, what is it?"

"It's a rose sauce Sakura-san. I just wanted to cook something unsual for our reunion."

I look into her twinkle green eyes, saying with an assuring smile.

"Hoe... rose sauce... I can also smell something else... Is it chocolate..? "

"Hai, I added it slightly for making an accent to the taste."

Tasting my dinner, I smile at Sakura again. She smiles me back with her heart-melting smile.

"Eriol-kun! This is most delicious dish I ever had... "

Finally, I serve our desert, which is belgian dark chocolate coated pear with mascarpone moose.

I look at her who was about to finish tasting a subtle sweetness happily. My large old wall clock strucks 9:00 p.m.

"Ah... your dinner was amazingly delicious Arigatou, Eriol-kun!"

She thanked me with a light-hearted smile.

"With my great pleasure. Sakura-san. Well, would you like to have more chat in the living room?"

"Hai."

Sakura smiled at me with her sweet smile which can any man fall on her.

I pull her chair, lead her back to the living room. My heart paces faster with nervousness since I need to tell her about my feelings. She sits on the same sofa she seated previously, then I sit another armchair which is much closer than the one I sat before dinner.

"Arigatou for cooking such a delicious dinner for me Eriol-kun, It was a most gorgoues dinner in my life so far... I wish I could cook like you do... "

She sighed with a sad face. I pat her small hand and smile at her softly.

"Sakura-san, Anything you cook will be very delicious because I know you will cook from your heart."

<If you cook for me, I would be on cloud nine... >

She looked in my eyes with her most beautiful emerald pool intensely. Her flawless peachy face turned vivid red since she has drank quite lot of wine and torment my desire. I curse since I feel I can't take any much longer hold myself to proceed what I was planning...

"Eriol-kun, You are always caring me, encouraging me with your beautiful warm smile when I feel upset or lonely... and always guide me what I need... You are one of most important person in my life... You are placing in my heart somehow... I don't know what exactly, but I feel you are so close more like... "

I draw her words in expectation and nervousness.

"More like.. Sakura-san, I.. I have got something to tell you. I tried to hide this but I don't think I can hold it anymore..."

I take her soft hands, folding them in my hands gently, stare at her.with my suppressed passion..

She looks at me in meddling confused and anxious expression.

"Do you hide of what..?"

I gaze at her hypnotising emerald eyes, holding her hands tightly.

"I... I really liked you.. since first time I met you. I have loved you more than just a friend.. I am still in love with you deeply... "

Her large emerald orbs widened, her mouth produces deep gasp in shock and disbelief.

"W-What? but.. but.. I'm married with Shaoran..! then you are one of my very precious friends... "

Her face mirrors now replaced with showed fearful expression. She struggles to slip her hands from my grisp but I won't let her go. I feel myself being totally taken over more dangerous, bestial feeling... I surrender another emotions helplessly...

"I.. I wanna be more than a friend. I love you Sakura-san! I can't stop loving you. Please don't go... "

I roughly pin her down on the sofa, desperately kissing her soft lips which I pined for so long time. I savour the sweetness, sensing not only myself but also Clow burns strong desire while kissing her lucious lips. He confuses, but eagarly tastes this bliss with me. I notice Sakura doesn't struggle like she did before, just moans a little. It seems she is out of breathe by my brutal kiss.. I touch her pale velvety skin, brush her fluffy honey brown hair from her petit face. Her skin is totally pink which allures my eyes too much to tolerate this emotional torture. I pick up her from the sofa, hold her in my arms, take her in my room, a temple of comdemmed love.

Dictionary

:*Arigatou--Thank you

*Moshimoshi--Hello(on telephone)

*Hai--Yes

*Konbanwa--Good evening

*Okaerinasai--Welcome home

*Kanpai--Cheers!, Bottoms up