Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Rite of Passage ❯ Plums and a Little Wolf ( Chapter 1 )

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Card Captor Sakura Fanfiction
November 20, 2000; Updated April 14, 2001
Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura and all its characters are owned by CLAMP, Kodansha, Mixx. No money made, all for fun.

Rite of Passage
Chapter One: Plums and a Little Wolf
By Ina-chan

She stood with her chin up high. Her eyes had no hint of any emotion. Her jaw was set with determination. Her elegant white ceremonial robes danced gracefully in the plum blossom-scented breeze. She was truly the Mother of the Li clan. The embodiment of strength of a long line of honourable warriors. But her arms... her hands... seemed unbecomingly gentle... while she cradled a small white and blue porcelain jar that day.

That was my earliest memory of Hahaue*. I think it was during *Baba's funeral. I have no memories of Baba. Remembering Hahaue holding my Baba's ashes was probably the closest to a physical memory of him. Its strange, isn't it? How the mind would choose to keep one memory in crystal clarity over others?

My sisters would often share their memories of Baba. How he used to play with us. How he smiled and laughed. How he always made everyone around him feel happy. They never said it out loud. But I know. My sisters feel sorry for me because I was too young to remember it all. They try to recreate Baba's infectious cheerfulness so I won't miss him as much. Sisters can be stupid sometimes. How can you miss something you can't even remember?

But...

That fact doesn't stop a person from imagining, does it? Sometimes... before I go to sleep... I would close my eyes and try to reach far back in my mind and imagine seeing those memories I don't have... Baba laughing... Hahaue smiling...

But...

I stop. Because my imagination leads to more familiar memories. That time when Old Grandmother died. *Si-jie and I tried to sneak a look when the older women of the household was preparing Old Grandmother for cremation. Of course, Hahaue saw through Si-jie's shield ward and Wei gave us a long lecture on respecting the dead. Even so... Nothing could erase what we've seen.

From then on, before I go to sleep... I would close my eyes and try to reach far back in my mind and imagine seeing those memories I don't have... Often times, I end up imagining Baba's ceremony. Did the women of the household bathed him and dressed him in his ceremonial robes? Did they work in utter silent solemnity? Was Hahaue there or did she lock herself in the shrine without a crumb of food or a drop of water? Was it really any different from how it is now?

"What are you thinking," my eldest sister whispered quietly as she straightened my collar. Da-jie's always does that. Sensing... reading other people's thoughts and emotions... on top of managing to have herself heard over punctuated high-pitched sirens in the background.

"Nothing," I replied, as blandly as I could

I felt her slender hands cup my face and gently lifted my chin to meet her bright amber eyes. You can never hide anything from Da-jie anyway, "*Didi, you know you can always confide in me. You can tell me everything that's bothering you..." Xue-hua's voice trailed as her expression darkened and turned toward the source of another melodramatic high-pitched moan, "... as soon as Si-jie stops her infernal wailing."

"I ca...hic... can't help... hic... it!" Fei-mei sobbed

"We're preparing Xiao-lang to see Hahaue, not to a bloody funeral," Huang-yun snapped irritably as she tightened the long piece of silk around my waist, "Didi, lift up your arms a little more."

"Buh... buh...our lih... lih... little baby... is... all grown up!" Fei-mei managed to gasp before another long whine escaped from her annoyingly powerful lungs

In the blink of an eye, my second eldest sister whipped out a ward and glared threateningly at her younger sister, "Shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you!"

"This is not the time, Huang-yun," Xue-hua safely pulled the paper from her sister's hand without even breaking her pace, "Please do shut up, Fei-mei. The only thing your melodrama is doing is giving all of us a headache."

Fei-mei gave one last sob before blowing her nose.

"And you!" My eldest sister gave me a mischievous grin and plopped my hat on my head, intentionally lopsiding it over one eye, "Now, wipe that perpetual frown off your face. Or you'll be old and wrinkled before your eleventh birthday."

I simply reached out, straightened my headgear, while silently wondering for the hundredth time the reason why *Shangdi deemed it necessary to create sisters.

"Nee, Da-jie," Fei-mei called out hoarsely, "Do you know what's going on?"

I caught something flicker over my eldest sister's smiling eyes before she managed to turn away from my gaze.

"I did a tea leaves fortune-telling this morning," Fu-die offered helpfully

Huang-yun snorted, "Like you are ever accurate in those things."

"I have been improving with practice," My third elder sister smiled sarcastically, "Unlike some uncoordinated brutes I know..."

I took several instinctive steps backward. Fast ten steps actually. It's hazardous to one's health to be within an arm-length's reach of Ra-jie when the involuntary ticks on her right eyebrow starts to twitch.

"Excuse me for my intrusion," A familiar voice resonated politely from the doorway. Our uncle and our mentor gave all of us a gentle smile before motioning to me, "Your mother is waiting."

I nodded silently and willed the uncomfortable bubble sitting heavily in the pit of my stomach to settle down as it began its unpleasant ascent to my throat once again. Before I could take a step, however, Ra-jie's hand fell heavily on my shoulder.

"Oi, Xiao-hai*!"Huang-yun growled gruffly. She dangled a jade orb in front of my face before I can think of a retort, "What's the point of us dressing you up in your ceremonial robes if you're gonna forget this."

I took the delicate-looking charm from her hands and instinctively glanced at Wei. He simply gave me and encouraging nod and another smile. I held the enchanted instrument at arms length and closed my eyes... imagining the green orb in my mind's eye... the ceaseless resonance of its magical aura... summoning its power... until I felt the familiar heat emitted from my sword as it materialized in my hand.

My sisters yelled and clapped their hands with delight as they looked at me with pleased expression on their faces. So I quickly tucked my sword on my back and turned to Wei before they start expressing their affection in a more embarrassingly physical manner.

"Do your best, Didi!" Xue-hua's voice called out loudly into the halls

"Ne, Shan-jie," Fei-mei's voice was a little softer as I walked further down the halls, "What DID you see in your tea-leaves reading?"

"...cherry blossoms..."Fu-die replied with pride in her voice

"...baichi!*..."Huang-yun snorted insolently

The route to the family shrine was routinely familiar. Down the main hall, through the back entrance, across the gardens, up the stone steps, and into an edifice that always smelled of jasmine incense. Its funny how something so familiar can now feel so foreboding.

I've known for a long time what was ahead of me. I've known for... all my life... I guess. The training sessions with Wei, the additional tutor sessions after school, the library of ancient books, those loathsome Japanese language lessons... These all directed my life. All of these revolved on the life and works of a distant relative who died many years before I was even born.

The bubble in the pit of my stomach started to dance indignantly. I felt Wei nudge my back in encouragement. So with a deep breath, I took a step inside.

She was kneeling... unmoving... patiently waiting... in front of the our ancestors. I paid my respects, lit a stick of incense, placed it on the holder on front of us, before taking my place on her side. Faint white smoke wafted from the aromatic sticks, tickling my nose. I desperately held my breath, unwilling to be the one to disturb the reverent silence.

"Are you ready?"

Her voice came so suddenly, I almost literally jumped out of my skin.

"H-hai."

"Xiao-lang," She began, "Do you know what made our clan so strong throughout these many centuries?"

I never expected that question. I thought she was going to test me on my studies, or the skills I learned from training. That annoying bubble in the pit of my stomach managed to escape. All I could do is painfully swallow as hard as my parched throat would obey me, to keep it down while my brain raced for an answer.

"We always had something to protect," Hahaue's voice finally spoke softly, sensing my dismay. She gaze turned inward as lifted her head to face the direction of a far away land, "For many many years, the Li clan produced a long line of honourable warriors... to protect. And now, a fateful moment is at hand." She produced a small disc in her hand. She closed her eyes and all at once I could feel her power as the tool hummed, spun, and grow into a magical compass bearing the clan symbols, at her command, "Xiao-lang, do you know what this is?"

I nodded slowly. I've never seen it in the flesh, but I read about it in one of the diaries that man left behind.

"Clow Read left this for safe-keeping until that destined time..." She turned to face me, her dark, deep-set eyes boring painful into mine, ".../When the seal is broken, a disaster will befall on this world./"

With her words, my mind's eye shifted back to a few months ago...
*/Gyoku tei yuu choku/ (Jade God who possess the imperial decree)

...when a strange sensation suddenly washed over my entire being...

/Shin ken shi hou/ (Let your inkstone stretch out and wander the four corners)

....distracting me in the middle of sparring practice and singeing Ra-jie's hair with a fire spell...

/Kin moku sui ka do rai fuu/ (Metal Wood Water Fire Earth Thunder Wind)

... of those moments, sitting up bolt upright in the middle of the night...

/Raiden shin choku/ (Lord thunder and lightning stretch out by imperial decree)

...waking from a remnants of a dream I couldn't remember...

/Kei ma heki reki/ (Light polished thunderclap)

...Or having this constant nagging inexplicable "feelings"...

/Den kou ten/ (Legendary light of lightning)

...as if there's something out there...

/Kyuu kyuu nyo ritsu ryo!/ (Haste, haste be equal rhythm to the ancient law!)

...from something somewhere is...

"...calling you."

I came back to reality once again, at the sound of her voice. It was only then I realized the magical compass' golden glow and the thin line of light pointing straight through the shrine walls and towards the direction of that far away place.

Hahaue's eyes were still intensely focused in mine, "The voices of our ancestors has chosen our clan's strongest warrior. The responsibility of ensuring that this scattered power is collected and sealed to prevent a looming disaster on this world now rests upon your shoulders. Your destiny is calling you, Little Wolf. What is your answer?"

That bubble hardened and was now a painful ball lodged in my throat, blurring my eyes. I desperately blinked the haziness away. There was no sound, not even the sound of my own breathing, as I stared into that object in my mother's hands. Something inside of my head was telling me to stop. 'You have a choice, don't you?' It said distinctly. 'What's wrong with wanting to leave things as they are?'

But she was right. Something out there was calling for me. It wasn't a voice that reached one's ear... rather a voice that tugged one's very soul. It was weird. It felt as if someone tied strings on my hands. I could only stare in amazement as I watched my own shaking hands take the Rashinban from Hahaue's grasp.

With that answer, Hahaue bowed her head and turned away. The ball began to throb now. 'This was the right thing to do, right? This was what all that training and studying was for, right? This was what everyone expected of me, right? This was what SHE expected me, right? Right?'

"Be brave, little one," She whispered, "Everything will turn out all right." It would have been inaudible if it weren't for the dead silence of the shrine.

How is it that one can prepare for something in one's entire life... and when that moment finally comes, one realizes how even a lifetime of preparation isn't enough. And all one can do is try to feel as numb as possible to walk through the rest of the motions in auto-pilot.

I don't remember how I managed to stand up and walk outside. The only thing that constantly ran in my mind was how ignore the painful throb in my throat and keep a straight face as Wei walked beside me towards the main house.

"I was just remembering that day when your mother came to live here for good," Wei said, breaking our silence, "She looked scared, homesick, and very close to tears. But she never complained. Not even once. She had always been strong. Even as a scrawny little five-year-old girl. It was as if the moment she stepped outside of the mainland, she decided that she would stop being a little girl and instantly become someone that everyone expected her to be when she grew up."

I could only bow my head and avoid his gaze.

"I just remembered that because despite the fact that you have your father's face... and your father's temper... you have too much of your mother's spirit in you. I just got a little worried."

"You're worried over nothing," I retorted hoarsely, as quickened my pace, desperately fighting the desire to break into a sprint to leave him behind, "I can take care of myself."

"I know," Wei's gentle voice called out after me, "I'm just saying that... It's all right. You still haven't left."

With those words, the bubble lodged painfully in my throat escaped, releasing the sound that I tried so hard to hold back. Through the flood in my eyes, I could barely see Wei's figure as I started to run back to him, only to stumble, trip and fall. His outstretched arms caught me and held me comfortingly, like he used to do when I was little. So after the longest time... and perhaps even the last time... I cried.

End of Part 1
Continued on Part 2: Pink Snow
Return to Prologue

Ina-chan's Squawk part 2: (Update notes re: Li sister's names, April 14, 2001)

GUIDE: Japanese katakana romanji = Chinese kanji romanji = meaning

1. Shiefua = Xue-hua = Snowflake
2. Fuanren = Huang-yun = Golden fortune
3. Futeie = Fu-die = Water lily butterfly
4. Fuiemei = Fei-mei = Red Plum

Ina-chan's Squawk: (original notes, )

First of all, I wanna thank you for reading this monstrous 1st chapter! Then I wanna thank you again for reading my notes. MAN! You are such an industrious reader! ^_^. Here are a couple of terms that I used in the fic. Chinese is not my mother tongue, so please forgive me if I butchered this KEWL language.

*Hahaue- is actually a very formal and very respectful Japanese word for "mother". I dunno the Chinese equivalent, and this was established in the CCS manga and anime as how Syaoran addresses his mother. So I'm keeping it.

*Baba - Father

*According to my friend, as a sign of respect, younger siblings don't call their elder siblings by their names. So Syaoran typically is to refer to his sister as "Jie-jie" which means "sister". But because Syaoran has 4 of them, he has to call them according to their chronological order. Unfortunately, I dunno the chronological order of the Li sisters' ages. So I'm just referring their age order according to how "old" they look in their designs the CCS Movie art book.

1. Shiefua/Xue-hua (Da-jie/1st sister) is the one in red with the shoulder-length bob
2. Fuanren/Fuan-leng (Ra-jie/2nd sister) is the one in green with the short boyish bob and the long strand at the back like a pony tail
3. Futeie/Fu-tie (Shan-jie/3rd sister) is the one in yellow with waist-length hair
4. Fuiemei/Fei-mei (Si-jie/4th sister) is the one in blue with back-length hair and the only one wearing a hairclip. ^_^.

*Didi - little brother

*Shangdi - God

*Xiao-hai - "Little child", brat

*Bai-chi - Idiot

*This is Syaoran's Rashin ban chant in the Japanese version. Playing around with my handy-dandy Japanese Kanji dictionary and a Chinese-English dictionary... I realized that I can actually literally transpose the Kanji characters (which actually means the same in Chinese but with different pronounciations... ^_^.) into how Syaoran would chant it in his native tongue! Actually, I started... but after the first line... I gave up. ^_^. Side note: a "Rashinban" is a type of compass. In CCS' case, it is the artifact that Clow Read left to his relatives in his mother's side that enables the user to find the location of the Clow Cards.

Ja!
Ina-chan

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