Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ The Days Once Numbered ❯ The Days Once Numbered ( One-Shot )

The Days Once Numbered

by Ukyou

Note: The introduction is in 3rd person, and the rest of the story is in 1st.

introduction

The tires just screeched.

Alone, Syaoran stood before the rainy scene before him. His body lay on the ground with Sakura weeping upon it. The car sped away, the speeding away mixed with the sound of puddles splashing. There was nothing more that Syaoran could do, he couldn't cry...couldn't comfort Sakura any longer. Instead, he had to already accept that he was dead. There was no going back.

'Syaoran, you are dead.' someone whispered from behind him. Syaoran turned to look as a small girl stood before him in a raincoat.

'Come to accept that already, lets go...' she said to him, pulling at his arm. A bright light shone from the sky, zooming down towards the ground like a spotlight. He was reluctant to touch the light, knowing full well that he would truly be gone if he entered it. That was something he didn't want, and seeing Sakura crying over his body and yelling for help furthur encouraged him. He didn't want to leave her behind, not this way. He loved her too dearly to ever not see her again.

The little girl continued to pull at his sleeve, her pulling growing stronger.

'C'mon Syaoran-kun! Lets go!' she insisted. He did not respond to her though, and instead...he pushed her away.

'Syaoran-kun, you don't want to be left here do you? The light will bring you to a better place!' she continued, looking quite annoyed. 'Do you?'

Syaoran looked behind himself towards Sakura and then faced the small girl, the rain pounding at her raincoat like mad...while the rain never seemed to hit him at all. He was merely a ghost, a ghost that never wanted to leave behind his former life.

'I'd rather stay here...and watch over Sakura...' he told the small girl, as she walked over to him.

'You'll be here for a while though Syaoran-kun.' she replied, but soon realized that she couldn't convince the young man otherwise at all. He was dead intent on staying, and his face alone was enough proof of this.

She pouted and walked away as Syaoran stood there.

'Call me if you change your mind then!' she yelled back. She walked into the light, and soon disappeared. The rain soon stopped, as an ambulance pulled by Li's body. Syaoran walked into the ambulance, with no one noticing, as the ambulance raced away.

_______________

Part One - Dream

They already knew I was dead, yet they still brought me into the emergency room. Sakura waited outside, still crying and mumbling to herself. I sat right next to her, trying to give her comfort...even though she didn't know I was there. I couldn't stand seeing her this way...not at all.

It killed me.

Completly useless for the doctors to give Sakura this sense of false hope, just useless. It could only make her cry more when she heard the news....that I was dead. Quite ironic how I would hear her cry as well.

When she cried, I used to always wipe her tears away with my hand...and wipe it on my sweater. Then, we'd usually hug and talk it over, although she was usually the one that grabbed me for the hug. I wished I could just wipe away her tears, and it would all be over with me hugging her.

'The problems always end this way' she usually told me, hugging me tighter. Still...that was in the past to me already...

...if only all our problems could be solved with just a hug...and a kiss...

Still, I sat down next to Sakura, and waited, not knowing what to do. I was stuck here, because I had chosen to be next to Sakura...as long as possible. I never want to leave her...I can't even stand a day without seeing her face. Did it matter if I was dead?

---

Hours....days...each passing minute becoming longer than the next. Sakura cried over my death, and I could only watch. Every attempt to hold her, every try at talking were useless...my hand would pass right through her, and my words...invisible to her ears.

I hated what I had wished for...wondered why I hadn't have left...

It were as if I were unable to move, but forced to see things....things that I could do nothing about. I was helpless, only able to observe things I could do nothing about.

Friends tried to call, to knock on the door, only to be answered by complete silence. Sakura was going crazy, and it was near obvious as well. Every moment of the days after my death were spent with her mourning over me, or recalling what cannot be done anymore. Such a hard thing to have to endure...

Sometimes I would just sit on the couch and stare at her. Her face melting away with her tears, I had almost forgotten how she looked when she smiled, which is something I longed for. I don't know what to say about it....it might as well all end here. I didn't want to see anymore of this at all...not at all.

When Sakura slept, I would sit upon my chair, the one I had used to sit on and just read. My bookcase now was in shambles, for Sakura had been looking through it as well in her blind insanity. Books scattered across the floor, the shades closed to only allow thin strands of light into the room. I sat and waited for her to wake up, for I could never sleep. Time passed like sand, you never can count the minutes that pass by, or the seconds that wash away. Instead, you just sit and wait, not knowing when something is to happen.

That is exactly what I did. I sat in my chair, looking, staring at Sakura...wondering what she must be going through as she dreamt. Sometimes, she would just suddenly scream or talk in her sleep. It was then in which I started to listen, and things went into place. I knew what she dreamt just by listening.

That was all I could do.

Eventually, it came to the point in which I would never leave my chair. Outside the window, the leaves fell...and then grew back. Snow flurried and then melted away. Time seemed to mean nothing as soon as I stopped taking notice to anything. I eventually stopped listening, stopped caring. Days passed by like seconds, the sun taking flight in a mere flicker of night. In the background, echoes....and only echoes could be heard. I couldn't see anyone anymore, as if the bedroom were always empty...but the echoes...

The echoes haunted me. Some were of laughter, others of crying, and some of talking. I didn't know what was happening anymore...everything was happening so fast.

.....I didn't know what was happening to myself...

Eventually, my vision started to blur back into existance. I rubbed my eyes, as they felt like they were burning, and I took notice to how cold it was in the room. Extremly cold it was, and looking out the window, it was snowing. I felt as if I had awakened from a dream...and everything around me was so different. The desk of which the pictures sat upon was gathering dust, and several new pictures sat along with my own.

...and then Sakura walked in. She had long brownish hair and laughed as she walked in. She seemed to be talking to someone, but Syaoran couldn't see who it was. She strode into the room, like an angel, laughing and smiling. Sakura looked so much more different, and a few years older. How long...how long have I been sleeping upon my chair, I wondered.

Sakura had come in, her laughing echoing through my mind. The door creaked open slightly, as a man walked in. He was about my height, and had the voice of a highly intellegent man. He embraced her from behind, and she held his hand. I stood up in my seat, just watching...listening to the laughter...

it killed me.

I knew I was unable to cry, and not being able to let out my pain of that sight killed me even more. They kissed, and I yelled as loud as I could, running out the door....not wanting to see what I had just seen again. Her smile...comparable to that in which she had when I held her. Was this man possibly my substitute? The man to take my place once I was gone?

I couldn't stand it....I couldn't bear it. Sakura...she was the only reason I was here, the only reason I was 'alive'...

I ran outside, the wind blowing...but I couldn't feel it at all. Instead, all I could do was hear it and watch the trees sway. It was so quiet...and snow was scattered about the field. I didn't bother stopping for long, as I continued to run. No footsteps left behind, I dashed into the nearby forest, running through trees and never losing speed. It was almost like a dream, as if I had suddenly grown wings...and could fly.

I came to a clearing, one with a small frozen pond in the center of it. The snow fell upon it, leaving a small layer on top. I walked up to it and looked into the ice, through the snow. There was no face looking back at me at all, no reflection.... instead, a reflection of the sky...and the snow that fell.

I looked up into the sky, going down on my knees and just staring. A small star appeared, glimmering and moving about the sky with the snow. It shone brightly, and navigated the sky, like a firefly in a way. I followed it with my eyes, until I saw a bright flash. It was then that I fell upon my back...and was knocked out.

___________________

Part Two - Redemption

The first thing I could see was the sun, glaring into my eyes. I squinted, something I hadn't done in ages after looking at the sun. It took me by surprise...complete surprise...when I noticed the sharp cold pain in my back, a pain I hadn't felt since...I was living. I immediatly got up, and looking back down at the lake...I could see my own face looking back at me.

What was happening to me?

I stood in the forest clearing, in my usual clothing...but without a jacket...or anything. I felt cold...and the snow stung my ears. How was I feeling all of this now? The very thought of it baffling me, as I wandered away from the clearing, trying to escape the cold.

Where was I to go? What if somehow...I had come back from the dead? How was that even possible? I can't just be brought back from the dead...not now...not when I can barely see Sakura now. I could barely handle it when I was dead...how would I feel if she were to see the very expression on my face?

How could I take the words she would speak to me, or the words of disbelief if she saw my face?

It was cold, the blizzard above me snowing even harder. I shivered, arms wrapped about, and continued to walk back. I needed warmth..and no matter what the consequence...I needed to return...go back to her home. My breathing was speeding with the shivering, my whole body feeling numb.

Her house came into view, the snow clouding out my vision. I walked towards the home, the only thing I could possibly make out...my walk leaving my shoes drenched in freezing cold...my hands shivering like mad. My hand reaching out towards the white door of her home, the fingertips scratching at it as I fell. Moments later, I could feel a warm rush consume me...as human hands brought me into the house.

I blacked out.

---

I woke up on a soft bed, a fireplace burning near me, bringing me much needed warmth. My hands were no longer shaking, but my eyesight was still blurry. The air smelled of...sweet flowers and honey...a smell I longed to breathe again. Still, I sat up, swinging my legs to the side of the bed. The wooden floor creaking as my foot touched it. I took a step, the floor still creaking...

I felt the bedpost with my hand, the smoothness running within my palms. My hands, still sensitive...as I hadn't used them in such a long time. I brushed my hands through my hair, running them against my forehead. I truly wasn't dreaming all of this...

The door opened, my head turning to it. Sakura stood there, holding a cup of tea by the handle, and looked at me in the eyes. I looked back, completly silenced, unable to speak...

she could...see me...

I could feel the tears running down my cheeks when she tried to speak, but did not. I would have to guess that she was unable to see me...unable to believe it was me that was standing before her.

What could I say to her? I could try and start a conversation, but...how would she react to it?

I saw the tears in her eyes as well, her man appearing behind her. I looked at him, and then at Sakura. It was almost as if it were just screaming at me at the moment, but there was no point for me to be alive at all. Why had...I suddenly come back to start with?

...but so many things now came to mind. The very spirit in me yelled out for me to say something...but out of me came nothing. I simply took the small tea cup, Sakura's man looking at me with a strange peering look. I knew that Sakura didn't just let anyone into her home this way...and he knew that as well. It was obvious that they had been together for some time.

I turned away from them both, the door closing behind me. I sipped my tea and sat in my chair, now feeling soft and comfortable to me...as before, it felt like nothing but air. The cup was warm in my hands, and the warm liquid ran down my throat like a stream....and i could feel it. I ignored Sakura for the moment, but this time....I was unable to drift away from time.

It felt good.

______________________

Part Three - Confrontation

I was in my chair looking through the window when she opened my door. I looked back at Sakura, her hand still on the knob. She had opened the door enugh to only see her face, but not enough to see her completly. It seemed like she was hiding behind the door.

'Is there much to see out the window when it is dark outside?' she asked me. She hadn't heard my voice at all so far, and I thought I could make it through the day silent, unless her man wanted to speak with me. I looked at her and smiled, taking a breath before I spoke.

'There is much to see if you look closely. I can see the room reflected in the window, and I can see the lights outside as well.' I replied, looking at the window again. 'It's just strange to me....the many things I see and appriciate, after being gone so long.'

There was another moment of silence. I could hear Sakura's breathing from where I was. She then was going to say something to me, but stopped I guessed. I could see her lips moving and then suddenly stopping. It was obvious she wanted to say something, but I kept silent about it.

'Dinner....it's ready in 5 minutes. Come if you're hungry, or we'll bring it to you' she said to me, closing the door the moment she finished her sentence. I didn't look back to see it though, all I had to do was look into the mirror.

---

5 minutes later, I was still in my chair. I couldn't just walk to their table and act casual about it. It was obvious that her man would find me suspicious in some way, and want to throw me out of the house. Even if so, I wouldn't eat anyway. My stomach growled, but I didn't have the heart to eat next to her...

The last time I ate by her side, she had kissed me...and told me she loved me. I promised her then...that I'd always be there for her...

How could I survive the meal...if it would be her man that says those very words to her?

The door opened again however, her man standing at the doorway with a plate of food in his hand. He placed it down on the table near me, pushing away the pictures of me and Sakura to make room for it.

'Okay.' he said to me in a strong tone. I looked up at him, taking the plate and placing it on my lap to eat. 'Just who the hell do you think you are to just march in here and play around with my girlfriend's emotions? Is this your idea of a sick joke?'

I paused from my eating, looking at him again.

'Sakura refuses to eat...and I'm the one whos left to comfort her...' he spoke again. I grinned at him, poking at my food with the fork.

'Maybe I should go and comfort her then?' I inturrupted. His face seemed to swell, to the point in which he looked as if he were the only one that could comfort her. Its quite coincidental what he then told me.

'Look, I don't know where you came from, but I'm always there for her. It's MY responsibility to take care of her and you just barge in here half dead and tell me THAT?! You are damn lucky she won't let me kick your ass right now!' he yelled, veins popping in his arms. He walked away and slammed the door, walking into the next room, which was once only Sakura's room. I could hear muffled talking, most of which I couldn't make out.

I started to eat the meal he had given to me. It was obvious that she had cooked it, I recognized the taste. Soon enough, I put the plate down and looked at the pictures of Sakura and myself. The dust still clouded over them, some brushed off because of Sakura's man. We were so happy in those pictures...so content...so peaceful.

How could it all be taken away so quickly?

...and by whose hand had brought be back....only to experience all of this?

I didn't want to experience this in the first place......

_____________________

Part Four - Reminiscence

I could remember the clock ticking as I walked into her room. Sakura's man had gone out for the moment, and I slowly parted the door.

She lay asleep upon the bed, a small photo album by her side. The door creaked as I opened it, but it didn't alarm her in any way. I stepped into her room, the silence only broken by the clock beside me.

There was a small wooden chair beside her bed. I used to sit upon it and tell her stories until she told me to sleep next to her. It was well-worn and quite old, about 10 years around the time I was still alive. I walked up to it and sat down, watching...staring at Sakura as she slept. She looked so different now...her hair, longer...her face more mature. Looking into the mirror, I could see that I hadn't aged a single year...despite the amount of time I might have been gone.

I was just the way I left her...

The snow had settled outside, and was virtually untouched...like a piece of paper. The windows gave off a slight coolness, the sides covered in a thin layer of snow as well. It was so beautiful outside...

Sakura gave out a small sigh, and I turned to her again, her eyes blinking back to conscenceness. I sat still, not making a single noise as she awoke, her hand reaching for the photo album...as if she doubted it would still be there. She then opened her eyes, looking at me, and grabbed her photo album from beside her. She turned away from me, obviously looling at the mirror as well.

'Sakura? Why did you let me stay here?' I asked her. I knew she was, but...I wanted to talk with her so much that I'd pretty much start it with anything. She turned back at me, as if she were surprised that I knew her name.

'Does it really matter?' she answered, acting like I were a complete stranger to her. She opened the photo album, turning away from me again...as if she didn't want me to see into it at all.

'Just leave me alone.' she continued.

I still sat on the chair, however. She didn't seem to care, as long as I didn't bother her at all. I stood up though, and looked above her shoulder at the pictures in the album. They were mixed, it seemed, some pictures with me...and others with her man. She could obviously tell that I was looking, and she turned to me again. Glaring, she shut the album and pointed at the door.

'...get the hell out of here.' she demanded. I didn't move at first, but then she seemed as if she were going to push me out of her room. I walked to the door and took one more good look at her.

'If I were dreaming...' I told her, still facing the outside of the room, my back turned to her. '...this is the part that I would hope to wake from'

...and I walked out.

I shut her door behind myself, something I had never done to her before. It felt odd, walking back to my room without even caring...not even a thought about what she had to say about me. I didn't know what I was doing...or what I was gonna do if I had to leave this place.

Walking into my room, I sat in my chair again. I turned on the radio near me, only to find that the antennae was now broken. I hit it once, and gave it up. I turned it off and took the time to think.

Sakura would obviously never think of me as Syaoran, as I was supposed to be dead. To her, I was a mere coincidence. Most likely kept in this home because...well...I don't know.

Why would she let me into her door, only to treat me as if I belonged outside?

I stood up and walked out of my room and into the hallway. The walls were clad with pictures of Sakura and her man, walls once welcome to pictures with me as well. At the end of the hallway, the front door appeared, and behind me, the door to Sakura's room. I stood in the center of the hall, looking at each door. Sakura's door, the white of it slowly turning brown with age, took most of my attention however, and I was almost tempted to walk inside her room again.

...but I was dead. I was only being tempted to try and grasp what I wasn't able to grasp any more. Sakura was already lost to me...

So, I grabbed a jacket from the nearby closet, put on some boots, and walked out of the house, shutting the door behind me. I didn't need this, I didn't want this at all. Why was I being forced to confront a past that was already dead to me? The life I lived was a mere dreamworld now...and whoever brought me back obviously expected me to live in one too.

I put my hands in the coat pockets, my breathing puffing out small clouds of mist. I walked down the steps and stopped as I reached the sidewalk. I looked back at Sakura's home, my old home, and then started to walk away, following the sidewalk to wherever it would take me. My boots digging into the icy-snow as I walked, the crushing sound getting louder, for the sidewalk had never been cleared. I never looked back.

...but then, from behind, I heard a cry out for me.

Sakura stood outside her door, calling my name for some reason, but I ignored her. I continued walking, looking back only once. Then, I could hear footsteps from behind myself, looking back once again. I could see her, running to me, her jacket unzipped and her nightgown still on.

'You walk out on me like that...and you expect me to let you do it again?' she demanded to know, walking by my side as if we were strolling in a park for some reason. Her actions seemed more casual...as if she knew it were really me, but that would be beyond belief.

'Why the hell should you care. You don't even know who the hell I am, nor should you care. ANYONE that you could probably think of that is me is DEAD, get it?!' I yelled, losing my temper. It was obvious that she was only holding onto me because I reminded her of Li...and maybe she was completly unsure of who I really was.

...but its over. She should realize that, just as I had. She had already experienced it in the past, when I had died. Why should she bring it upon herself to feel that way again?

She grabbed my arm though, causing me to stop in place. I tried to pull myself away, but she refused to let go.

'Let go of my arm, Sakura' I demanded, but she wouldn't let go. She stood, strong, her arms poised as to pull me back if she needed to. A light flurry began to fall again, and we stood in place like that for a few minutes. Her hair, slightly covered like snow as if someone has poured a bottle of glitter on her.

'Sakura...I'm dead.' I told her, but she still remained silent. I could hear wind chimes in the distance, and I just stared into her eyes, much as she was staring into mine.

'Sakura, what do you want from me? Why won't you let me go?' I asked again, but still she remained silent. I noticed a single tear falling down her cheek, and I wiped it away with my hand and dried off my hand on my sweater, which was poking out from the bottom of the jacket.

...and then she hugged me. I didn't know why she hugged me at all...but she did. Despite the fact that I knew that 'we' were over...I held her as well. We still stood her, but with us holding eachother as the snow gently fell to the ground.

I never asked her why she had hugged me, nor had I questioned it as well. It was...perfect, as if I had never died. For the first time in awhile also....I smiled.

'The problems always end this way, don't they?' she asked me, looking up at me. I nodded, holding her tighter and crying myself. The cold air and the snow made my tears feel as if I were rubbing an ice cube along my cheek, but I couldn't stop crying at all. I missed her...I missed us...

...and so I embraced her, whispering into her ear.

'...how did you know it was me...?'

__________________

Part Five - Acquisition

For the remainder of the day, it was all too perfect. I told Sakura what had happened to me...my ghostly haunting of her, the feeling of losing everything in one moment as I saw her and her man go into their lover's embrace...the fear of losing the one I loved.

The tea kettle sat on athe small coffee table in front of us as we talked. We talked for a few hours it seemed...and as she talked, she somehow knew it was me...

I didn't know why or how she knew it was me...but something inside of her couldn't deny it it seemed, as if she had to act this way in order to act sane. Still, when she heard my stories, there was always a tone of belief with her replies, something that had never changed with her.

Her man never seemed to want to come home, as if he were stuck in the snowstorm that raged furiously outside. Sakura finally stood up and moved her arms about, yawning. It was dark outside, and I sipped on the last drop in my teacup.

I stood up as well, as she turned on the tape deck near the window. She took out a small old cd-case from a drawer, and unzipped it, taking out one of the cds and placing it into the player. She pressed play and moved the coffee table to the side, making some open space in the room.

'Tell me you still remember this song, Syaoran' she said to me, turning on the cd and slowly putting up the volume. I recognized the tune, and I knew exactly when the last time we played it was.

'My birthday...' I said to her, and she walked up to me and held my hands. She came in close, and we began to dance. Except, unlike the last time we had danced together, we were all alone...

'Don't trip this time Syaoran' she said to me, laughing a bit as she said it. As I danced with her, so many things popped into my head, my hands gripping hers firmly. I closed my eyes through it however, the feeling all the more better than it was. It was magical.

I felt as if I were flying again, but this time...not all alone as I once was. She was there, ready to dance in step with me...and we'd always hold our hands through it all...

We stopped in the center of the room, the song counting down its last moments. The small clock on the mantle ticked away the seconds, and I held her tight. It was then when I closed my eyes once again...and we kissed...

We parted just as the song ended, only to kiss again. At that very moment...I knew...

...Sakura...she was the only thing I had to live for now...

...and then...I told her that I loved her, her man's image washing away from my mind completly. He no longer mattered to me...because at that very moment.

Everything was perfect.

We let go of eachother finally, and she walked into the bathroom. She told me she'd be right back. I followed her however, waiting for her in the hallway. As I stood in the hallway however, I noticed something particular. In the mirror opposite to me, my reflection...seemed to not exist. I couldn't see my reflection at all in the mirror, and I walked up to it. Still, my face did not appear to me at all in the mirror.

....no...

I looked down, my hands seeming to fade from existance. A knife had stabbed my heart, the shadow behind me disappearing. I...I was dying all over again.

Sakura walked out of the bathroom and into her bedroom, not noticing me at all. I ran after her, seeing her enter her bed as to wait for me. I sat in the wooden chair, my hands reappearing to me once again. She turned to me and smiled.

'Where did you come from Syaoran?' she asked me, reaching out for my hand. She held it firmly in her grasp, and I went down on my knees, close to her. I looked down, and she noticed that something was wrong. I was about to speak to her...

...when the small girl again appeared behind me.

'Syaoran, let us go together!' she cried, tugging at the back of my shirt again. I didn't look at the small girl, I just stared at Sakura again, the tears forming in my eyes. She reached out with her hand to my face and wiped away the tears for me, and I looked up again and kissed her, holding the side of her neck as I did so.

'Sakura...this...will probably be the last kiss....that will ever belong to me...' I told her, letting go of her hand. I stood up, my hands disappearing as I did so. She seemed to notice it herself, and she jumped out of her bed, yelling out.

'No! Syaoran! Don't go!' she cried, motioning to hug me again. I reached out with my arms as well, but...

...but she passed right through me...

We both turned around towards eachother, the small girl standing behind her.

'Lets go already Syaoran-kun!' the small girl cried, pointing to the bright light behind her once again.

I ignored her again...the tears once again unable to seep out from my eyelids.

'Sakura....you're what kept me alive...' I told her. '...and...just thinking of you, it made me burn a fire...inside...... but that fire has died...'

I reached out to her again, not able to feel her at all. I whispered to her again, in her ear.

'Sakura...I am............and I was....'

...and then I turned around, never looking back again. I stepped into the white light, first blinding me, and then my eyes slowly adapted to it. I didn't look back..knowing it would hurt more than it needed to. The small girl stood next to me, looking up and smiling.

'Syaoran-kun, you're going home now' she told me, tugging at my jeans again.

I looked at the small girl again, and looked back up.

I felt like I was flying again....but this time...I knew I would always fly alone.

I closed my eyes though, closing them tight, and then looked back at Sakura.

...but then she disappeared from my sight....

...she was gone...