Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ The Lonely Ballerina ❯ Conversations ( Chapter 1 )

The Lonely Ballerina

AN: Hi guys! This is my first attempt to write a CCS story, so please feel free to say what you thought about it. I'd really appreciate it. I was planning on getting all the chapters done before Christmas, but schoolwork was killing me, making it impossible for me to find much time to write the first chapter. The characters in this story are very OOC so pardon me. Anyway, hope you guys enjoy this. More AN at the end.

Disclaimer: CCS and its characters do not belong to me. I don't make money writing these, so please, don't sue.

~*

~ The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child. I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."~

- Footprints -

~*

Darkness. That's all that you'll see. Clouds of black that stretched far into the horizon. A sea of nothingness that no one dared cross, fearing that death is lurking around the unseen depth, clawing its way out. She did not share the same feelings, however. To her, this sea of black conceals her true self. The side of her that she's afraid to show. The her that she tries hard to disguise. She doesn't need anybody's concern, after all, because they're simply prying into her business really, pretending to be worried about her condition, when all the while they're just trying to break the wall that she'd built around her. She's no fool, nor a naïve little girl to see what they're trying to accomplish, for their attempts to make her open up were fairly obvious even to humans who do not possess magical powers such as she. She would admit though that their futile endeavors were rather amusing at times and often find herself stifling a snicker despite of herself.

She'd always loved the darkness, especially after the times she would share her best friend's position, which is under a blinding light that irritates her sensitive nature. She just loved sitting inside that wall she had built, surrounded by nothingness, and the mere fact that even the tiniest ray of light would not be able to penetrate her hideout made her quite proud of herself for attaining such an achievement. In her world of solitude, she can keep any inquisitive eyes from peeling her well-worn mask that hid all the things that she is. In her world, there was nothing to see except blackness and a tiny brick wall that cloak the true Daidouji Tomoyo.

~*

Chapter 1: Conversations

~*

She groaned as soft pillars of morning light hit her pale face, forcing her to wake up early in the morning. The bothersome alarm that she knew too well did not help improve her mood as she reluctantly left her slumber world and return back to reality after eight hours or so of pleasant unconsciousness.

" I hate Mondays," she grumbled as she slowly opened her sleepy eyes and slammed her hand on the alarm clock in attempt to silence the racket it was creating. With that accomplished, she let out a heavy sigh and closed her tired eyes once more, drowning back to the sea of soft blankets and bed sheets.

She had been dreaming about her again, the same girl that had haunted her dreams every time she closed her eyes. These fantasies of hers is a very important part of her life, even the ones that she could vaguely remember due to the fact that the irritating alarm would almost always force her to rise before the dream had had its time to sink in her brain. This particular dream was just like the others. Vague, but somehow clear. She and the love of her life walking hand in hand. She, turning and facing her with that cute smile of hers. Those beautiful emerald eyes shinning like stars in the heavens. And then she would be swept away by a flash of green. And she'd find herself standing alone again. Alone.

The word struck her heart painfully and it took all her will power to resist the urge of bursting into tears. Her dreams would always end like that; the one she loved being the princess in a fairytale she so dearly wants to be a part of. The thought was preposterous, she was well aware, for the cast has been chosen and all but one place was taken; the spectator. A bitter laugh escaped her lips as the thought lingered in her mind, mocking her with its blatant meaning. She was just a spectator, watching as each scenes unfold before her eyes. Observing the dialogues that were being exchanged between the characters. Following the paths the characters chose with keen eyes. She was a part of the audience and not the fairytale. She never was.

In the end, she would stand up and applaud the cast for doing a fine job. She would give compliments and praise. And then she'd find the princess, walking home with her prince. But not her. Nor will it ever be.

This was not how she planned her day to begin, not at all. With heavy heart and eyes brimming with tears, this would prove to be the beginning of a miserable day. A loud rapping sound came from the oak door of her bedroom followed by the muffled voice of one of their maids. She groaned once more before opening her blueberry eyes and tediously got out of bed.

" I hate Mondays," she grumbled once again.

~*

A gentle smile graced his friendly face as students passed him by the hall with enthusiastic morning greetings. He waved his hand to them to indicate he'd acknowledged their presence and continue on with his journey to his classroom. He received more pleasant greetings as he entered the room, by the students who've already arrived and were chatting cheerfully. He bowed to each of them as he approached his seat, which was located near the windows.

With the soft smile still plastered on his face, he took his seat behind Tomoyo, who at the moment have her nose buried in a book and took no notice of him whatsoever. At this, his smile widened into a grin as he leaned forward in his seat.

" Ohayu gozaimasu Daidouji-san," he whispered to her ear.

" Oh!" the girl gasped, startled. Clasping her chest, she turned around and came face to face with none other than Hiragizawa Eriol.

" Hiragizawa-kun! You scared me!"

She cleared her throat, trying to regain her composure. Eriol smiled.

" Good book?" he queried, eyeing the precious book the girl had been so enthralled with only moments ago to notice him come in.

" Yes, it is," answered the still flustered Tomoyo.

He just nodded. Words were no longer necessary, for their conversation has already ended. He knew that, and apparently, so did she for her back was facing him once again. It was always the same story with them. A sentence or two apiece and then it all ends. It was not what they'd call a conversation, or would anyone else for that matter, but who could blame them? With both of them being as quiet and secretive as they are, there's really not many things they could talk about that wouldn't touch a delicate matter to the other.

And even if he had preferred to continue their discussion instead of ending it so quickly like many others, he wouldn't have been able to for she had arrived.

" Ohayu gozaimasu minna!" a cheerful voice rang throughout the entire classroom.

Tomoyo's head shot up from her book like a young child who have just heard about a candy sale at the corner. Eriol sensed eagerness from her, which quickly evaporated to yearning and sadness that caused one of his eyebrows to rise slightly, as another person entered the room just before the bell rang. Li Syaoran and Kinomoto Sakura have arrived.

" Konnichiwa Tomoyo-chan, Eriol-kun," Sakura nodded at them both.

" Ohayu Sakura-chan," Tomoyo greeted just as cheerfully, with Syaoron just behind her wearing the usual scowl on his face.

Eriol merely nodded as he gave Sakura and Syaoran a warm smile as they took their seat. Then the bell rang and no more was said.

~*

" Your reports are due next week Thursday before winter break," Mr. Yamaguchi reminded them once more as the kids started gathering their belongings and getting up from their seats to go to lunch.

The hallway was loud, with students struggling to get to their destination. Sakura and Syaoran headed to the direction of the library as soon as they got out of the room, apologizing to Tomoyo and Eriol for not being able to accompany them to lunch since they have to finish their reports. Both accepted their excuse and headed for the lunchroom together.

The cafeteria was packed, and it took them a couple of minutes to find an empty table. Eriol glanced at Tomoyo as they sat down on either side of the table and started eating in silence. Eriol cleared his throat now and then as he chewed on his food. Nothing was said between the two and only the enthusiastic chatter in the crammed lunchroom could be heard. Being the reincarnated self of a once powerful sorcerer has taught him to have patience, but with Tomoyo, it wasn't always as easy. She could just sit there and not say a word for hours, and it irritates him somewhat for he itch to have a conversation with her where they would exchange more than a mere sentence. They are friends, after all, she'd confirmed that years ago, but still there is always this invisible wall sitting between the two that prevents them from having a decent communication. He tried so many times and failed miserably to eliminate the nuisance, and after so many futile attempts his hopes of ever banishing the immobile barrier had finally faltered.

" So," he finally said, in an attempt to start a conversation, " what are you going to do this Christmas?"

She shrugged, not looking at him directly.

" I don't know."

" I heard Sakura and Syaoran are leaving for Hong Kong."

She was silent, nibbling at her sandwich. Eriol had touched a very delicate subject, which he was aware of, but tried to ignore his fatal mistake as he watched Tomoyo intently, waiting for her answer.

" Yes, they are," she finally said and forced a smile as she momentarily stopped eating.

" Well, aren't you going with them?"

She shook her head.

" I'd just be a bother to them if I did."

Then she resumed with her lunch without another word.

Three sentences. Well, that's an improvement, Eriol thought sarcastically.

But it wasn't enough. It's never enough. To Eriol, Daidouji Tomoyo is like an open book, accessible to anyone who would bother to read it. But she was a mystery as well, and it aggravates him to know there was something that his magic cannot unveil. He had been trying to understand her real feelings between each line, and everyday his efforts proved to be in vain. She was a mystery, like the ancient writings of the past, and no one can decipher what she meant.

" Are you afraid of me?" he asked before he can even stop and think about it.

" What?" she replied, taken aback by his question. " Why would I be afraid of you?"

" I don't know, you tell me," he answered seriously, looking her straight in the eyes.

She laughed nervously as she shifted uncomfortably in her chair.

" We've known each other for a while, Hiragizawa-kun. You know very well that there is nothing about you that would scare me."

He nodded and it made her feel more apprehensive. He couldn't have known, could he?

Three years of being in Tomoeda after his painful breakup with their former Math teacher Mizuki Kaho, did not change his personality or his sneakiness, that she knew, and she didn't doubt the possibilities of his knowledge about her feelings either. Like her, he is not naïve or blind, and the sudden thought made her feel more uneasy as his azure eyes seemed to be stripping her mask off. She fought the flush that ran up to her pale face. Tomoyo never blush, whether it be because of humiliation or anger, and she was not about to let Hiragizawa Eriol have the pleasure of being the first one to make her color.

Tomoyo felt someone's hand on her shoulder and realized that she had zoned out. Eriol was shaking her, a concerned look etched on his handsome face.

" Daidouji-san?"

" Yes?" she heard herself reply.

" Are you ok?"

Tomoyo blinked, staring at him uncomprehendingly.

" Huh?" she said stupidly.

" I said, are you feeling alright?"

" Oh!" she cried, feeling herself flush again but tried once more to repress the blush from reaching her face. " Yes, I'm very well."

He just nodded and continued with his lunch.

" Why do you do that?" she asked, hostility flaring up inside her as she tried to control her temper.

" Do what?" he asked innocently, looking at her now.

" That nodding. It's very disturbing, you know, and it's not very polite either."

" You find my nodding disturbing and impolite, Daidouji-san?"

Eriol's lips turned upward into a lazy smile and it took all of Tomoyo's self-control to resist the urge of standing up and slap him hard on the face. But that would be very savage not to mention humiliating, not only for Eriol but to her as well.

" Please," he continued as he gave a little wave with his hand when she remained silent, " enlighten me."

" Never mind," she sighed, trying to cloak the irritation in her voice as she started to clean up her side of the table.

" Oh, come now," Eriol laughed lightly. " You can't leave me hanging here."

Tomoyo flashed him a feigned smile, which he knew too well to be forced, and gave one of his own. Eriol struggled to stifle the snigger that rise up to his throat when he saw Tomoyo's smile slightly falter and anxiousness flickered on her beautiful porcelain face like a Christmas light. No matter how good an actress Tomoyo may be, she can never defeat the master of disguise himself. True, they're very good at concealing their true selves from people, but both performers can tell when the other has started the game yet again, and are well aware that only one of them can be the master of this ridiculous competition, and that was Eriol.

" You need more practice Daidouji-san."

Tomoyo rise from her chair, pretending not to be affected by Eriol's comment and gave a short bow to her companion before scurrying out of the cafeteria. He quickly stood from his seat and walked alongside the dark haired girl who seemed to be trying to get as far away from him as possible.

" Whatever do you mean Hiragizawa-kun?" she lied as she continued her not-so-surreptitious desire to put as much distance between her and the handsome dark haired boy beside her.

Of course she knew perfectly well what he meant by that remark, but instead of feeling angry with herself for being too transparent, she only felt nervous. This was Eriol after all, and one little slipup in front of him will more or less turn into a big mess she tries so hard to avoid.

Eriol didn't answer for a moment and when he did, that annoying cheerful voice of his rang in her ear like a high pitched trumpet being played by an amateur.

" It's nothing."

She merely nodded as they entered their next classroom; Japanese. It was very unfortunate (or fortunate, depending on one's view) for Tomoyo that she was stuck with the mysterious and manipulative Eriol in every class. It wasn't because she and him aren't friends because they are, although not as close, but lately Eriol had been acting weirder than usual. He would still crack a joke or two, watch you with those keen eyes when he thinks you weren't looking, and would still retort witty know-it-all remarks- this have become some sort of a hobby to him- that never cease to upset his cute descendant, Li Syaoron. In the past couple of weeks that have passed however, Tomoyo had been keeping a more closer eye to him and everyday, she'd find more surprises.

For one thing, he have been finding entertainment in seeing people jump out of their skin when he suddenly pop out of nowhere. Of course he does have the tendencies to scare people, mainly her, Sakura, and Syaoron back in the days, but she doesn't see any necessity of him frightening people out of their wits any longer. Sakura had passed his last test eight years ago and have defended her right to be the mistress of the cards, after all, and one must wonder what is the use of him bursting with the unexpected, be it magic or not. Tomoyo thought that it was perhaps the result of his break-up with Mizuki-sensei, but she had quickly crushed the idea from her head as quickly as it seeped in her mind. It was an absurd theory, not to mention a foul assumption from her part, for she have no clue whatsoever what had caused the break-up in the first place. So Tomoyo, being the polite maiden that she is, did not dare asked what was causing this queer behavior. Besides, that whole event happened three years ago when Eriol was merely a fifteen-year-old boy, and the plausibility of that affecting him now is most likely a million to one, for it was evident that he have handled himself pretty good for the past few years. In fact, he didn't seem at all saddened that the woman he had spent the last five years with suddenly ended their relationship. Tomoyo did know that it was just a façade, she knew it by the look of yearning in his azure eyes, but didn't bother to scrutinize more on the matter thinking that it'll all pass. Now, she wished she had.

They entered the empty classroom and sat at their table where Sakura and Syaoron will be joining them later. Tomoyo glanced at the wall-clock that hung just above the doorframe and sighed. Twenty more minutes till the bell rings. Finding nothing better to do, she pulled out the book she was reading that morning and was once again brought back to her own little world where nobody but her exist.

Eriol looked at her for a few seconds with a faint smile on his face and tried to do something constructive as well. Mrs. Chiba, their Japanese instructor, strode in the classroom and gave Eriol a warm smile who returned it with his friendly grin (Tomoyo was too engrossed with the book to notice their teacher).

" Eriol, could you and Ms. Daidouji do me a small favor?" the teacher asked.

Tomoyo pried herself from the reading material she had in her hands at the mention of her name.

" Of course sensei," Eriol answered and glanced at Tomoyo who nodded as well.

" Could you possibly bring these boxes to Ms. Motomiya in room 17?" she asked, pointing at the two medium-sized boxes at the foot of her desk.

" Hai," they nodded, each picking up a box and headed out the classroom.

Tomoyo struggled to keep the box in her hands balanced as she tried to keep up with Eriol's long, elegant strides. Eriol looked back as he realized she's too far behind him and couldn't help the silly grin that spread across his face at the sight of a stumbling Tomoyo as he stopped in his tracks. Who've thought that the almighty Daidouji Tomoyo, with her posture always firm and strong, could portray a helpless girl floundering with her hands loaded with a heavy burden. It was just too much!

" I hardly think it's funny to see someone- ugh- struggle Hiragizawa-kun. I would've thought a gentleman such as yourself would've had more sense than to laugh at a situation like such!" she gasped.

Even with her unstable stance she was able to manage pull out some clever retort which caused Eriol to finally burst into helpless chuckles he had been holding.

" I apologize. Would the lady wish to exchange burdens?" he asked, mirth still evident in his eyes as chuckles came out from his lips.

Tomoyo nodded and gently placed her heavy load down on the floor. Taking a deep breath, she pushed some sweaty bangs from her face, which returned to their normal position anyway, and turned to her friend who still has that silly grin on his face.

" Careful now," he teased as he carefully positioned the box he was carrying in her awaiting arms and picked up the one she had discarded on the floor, with ease.

" No wonder you didn't have as much trouble as I did," she said accusingly. "This box is as light as a feather!"

" You wound me with your exaggeration Daidouji-san," he joked, a look of hurt on his face. " Besides, it wasn't my fault you picked the heavier one."

She glared at him and stomped off, leaving an amused Eriol at her wake.

" Maybe, I should tease you more often Daidouji-san," Eriol whispered to himself with a grin on his face as he followed Tomoyo.

They reached their destination and found Ms. Motomiya, a thin, dark haired woman in her late twenties with a rather squeaky voice, shouting over the prattle of students for attention.

" What is this?" she queried as she walked over to them by the door.

" This is from Mrs. Chiba," Eriol replied.

" Oh yes. Well, could you please just put it over there?" Ms. Motomiya said, pointing towards her desk.

The room quieted as they entered. Twenty pairs or so of every-colored eyes turned toward their direction, Tomoyo attracting the attention of the male population in the class while Eriol was practically stripped naked by those of the opposite sex. Tomoyo suddenly felt self-conscious as they positioned the box beside the front desk and glanced over at Eriol to see if he was going through the same dilemma. As always, she found no trace of embarrassment on his handsome face, and wondered unconsciously how long he could keep up with his 'I'm-not-at-all-embarrassed' charade.

They turned to leave, Tomoyo receiving a few 'goodbye whistles' from her admirers- Eriol getting disappointed sighs- as Ms. Motomiya thanked them.

" Lots of adorers, I see," teased the smiling Eriol when they had reached the empty hallway.

" You've got a handful yourself," Tomoyo retorted, still slightly unnerved by the incident and mindlessly tugged the end of her mini skirt uniform, the action not passing Eriol's eyes.

He smiled, and so did she, although hers was uncertain. They walked the rest of the way back in a comfortable silence. They reached their room only to find it empty once more and settled themselves in their table. Eriol flashed Tomoyo a friendly smile as their eyes met.

"Sakura-chan," he started, "and Syaoron-kun are going to the Winter Festival this Friday."

Tomoyo nodded her dark brows creasing, indicating her confusion about where he's headed, and for once overlooked the fact that her dear cousin was going with Li Syaoron.

"Would it be inappropriate for me to ask for your company?" he asked.

"If it's alright with you, that is," he quickly added, his face not showing any trace of uneasiness. "I mean, I would understand if you'd rather not."

Tomoyo's face broke into a warm smile.

"I'd love to," she answered.

Whatever the latter was planning to say was cut short as students streamed in the classroom, turning the once serene room into a sort of bustling marketplace. Two familiar brunettes strolled inside and walked towards their table. Tomoyo tried to conceal the smile that threatened to overcome her serious features once more, and for the first time realizing that Sakura was not the reason for it.

Maybe, she thought hopefully, this day won't turn out so bad after all.

~*

AN: I know it's really short and sucky, but please guys, give this fic a chance? The whole Tomoyo-depressed-about-Sakura-and-Syaoron is overused, I know, and I personally think that Tomoyo feelings for Sakura is merely sisterly love, no matter how much people insist she feels more than that. However, I used the idea anyway in this fic because it just seemed so appropriate. The title ' The Lonely Ballerina' has got a lot to do with the story as you'll see in later chapters. Well that's my blab. Oh, and sorry for any mistakes.

Bye, God Bless, and Happy Holidays!!!

~hugz~

J.M.