Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ To Catch You ❯ Chapter 1

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Card Captor Sakura Fanfiction
April 16, 2000 (updated July 24, 2001)
Disclaimer: Card Captor Sakura and all its characters are owned by CLAMP, Kodansha, Mixx. No money made, all for fun. This fic will contain spoilers from episode 43 of the Clow Card Chapter and episode 60 of the Sakura Card Chapter of the anime version.

To Catch You
By Ina-chan

Ever since we were little, long before I knew that I truly loved you... I've always been fascinated by you. My strange cousin... who never laughed, who never smiled, who never played. You were so unapproachable with that scary serious and determined expression on your face. Whether you were sitting in your favourite corner in the garden to study or in the courtyard to train with Wei.

I once asked Mama why you were so weird. She scolded me for being disrespectful. Everyone in the family treated you differently. Except for your sisters and Auntie and Wei... everyone in the family referred to you with such... I don't know... reverence. I knew that you were pretty important, though back then I didn't really understand the reason why. After all, what do I know? I don't have any magical abilities.

Watching you train with Wei also fascinated me. It was only then you loose that scary expression... you're still serious and determined, but your deep concentration seemed to... soften the inappropriate hardness on your face. I managed to talk Mama into convincing Wei to train together with you. Do you remember? It was so hard trying to catch up with you. You were perfect. Your movement, your timing, and your grace. You were only a little kid, but you still managed to make something that could be potentially dangerous into a complicated beautiful dance.

I always believed that the Goddesses of the Fates are cruel. Li Mei Ling of the Li Clan, from a family with a long line of honourable warriors and magicians... was an ordinary girl. Somehow, I knew that even though I will never wield magic like everyone else in the family, this was something I could do. If I continued to watch you... I can perfect my movement, my timing, and my grace... somehow... If I can catch up to you that way... I could show everyone that I can at least do something that you could do. Then... I wouldn't be such a big disappointment.

Of course that changed on that gloomy day. I remember every detail as if it only happened yesterday. I remember the painful lump in my throat as I discovered the open cage of my beloved cardinal. How scared I was that you would be mad because I didn't take good care of your mother's gift. That flash of determination on your face as you promised to go find it for me. The gnawing tinge of worry when you didn't return right away and it started to rain. And the overwhelming sense of relief and gratitude as you came back, dirty, bruised, and scratched... with my treasure gently protected in your hand.

But what I felt wasn't really gratitude. I knew right then and there, as I cried and clutched on to you... that there is no one else in this world that I want to be with forever. I also knew that I had to do more than catch up with you. I have to hang on and catch you for myself... because you'll fly far away, out of reach with no one else to catch you for me.

["Suki da!" My voice burst out, praying that they were the right Japanese words to describe what I felt

"Eh?" You looked up from your workbook with a startled expression on your face

"Xiao Lang is the one Mei Ling loves best," I repeated more clearly, as I climbed on my seat, "Mei Ling wants to become Xiao Lang's bride!"

"Mei...Ling..." Refusal. I watched you shrink back in your seat, trying to put some distance between us.

"Is there anyone else that you love much more than me?" Determination. I leaned forward across the table, inches from your red-tinged face, forcing you to look at me in the eye, the back of your seat not permitting you to escape.

So you turned away, without speaking, unwilling to meet my eyes.

No... I won't give up... I won't let you fly away!

"Until you find someone else then!" A gamble. "Mei Ling will be Xiao Lang's bride until Xiao Lang finds someone whom he will love more!"

You closed your eyes and that familiar scowl lined your forehead. I knew that the redness on your face was not just embarrassment anymore. You were starting to get angry. But... I won't back down.

"Do whatever you want," finally came your unexpected exasperated reply

That was good enough. No matter what. I won't give you up. I won't let you go. I've managed to get a hold on you for now, and I will hang on until I caught your heart.]

You know, I believed that you reluctantly agreed to that silly childhood promise because somewhere deep in your heart, I thought you really did have feelings of love for me. You called me by name. You watched over me. You protected me. You let me hang around you. You always agreed to do what I asked you, no matter how ridiculous. And you let me call you by your name. No one else but Auntie or your sisters are allowed to call you by your name so freely. Xiao Lang. Without reverence. Xiao Lang. Without honourific title. Just for me, you were simply Xiao Lang.

But now... Being able to look back, I realized the real reason why. The Goddesses of the Fates were cruel to you as well. Li Xiao Lang of the Li Clan, from a family with a long line of honourable warriors and magicians... was currently the Li Family's strongest magician. Everyone in our family knew how important you were. Everyone in our family respected you. Everyone in our family expected a lot from you. So... You were just like me. You were lonely too, weren't you?

It was the only way you knew to make everyone proud. Doing what everyone expected you to do. Becoming exactly what everyone expected you to be. You felt exactly what I felt because we were the same. I'm happy. Because you let me become close to you in this way. You let me become your ally. And I'm sorry. For being not different from everyone else. For forcing you to meet my own set of selfish expectations.

I understand now that it wasn't love that I felt back then. It was childish vulnerability, desperately wanting to hold on to a favourite toy. But... I understand what love truly means now. I also realize that I never did come close to catching you... or even simply catching up with you. You simply slowed down your pace and waited patiently for me. You don't have to do that anymore. I don't want to slow you down futher. Right now, she's running the same pace as you. But if you don't try to catch her now, pretty soon she'll start outrun you. And she'll fly far away, out of reach.

So I release you from our promise and return to you what rightfully you should give to her. For the hopeless Xiao Lang, I wish for nothing else but your happiness. I will be cheering for you here in Hong Kong...

My very dear and precious friend, Li Xiao Lang-sama.

Your cousin,

Li Mei Ling

Ina-chan's Squawk: (Update July 24, 2001)

Misato Kiki Inverse-sama! Thank you for pointing out my technical errors and reviewing my fic with a fine-tooth comb!

Ina-chan's Squawk: (Update May 2, 2001)

I was just re-watching my eps. and realized I made a translation error on how Meiling ended her letter. Just for my nitpickiness' sake... ^_^.

Original squawk: (April 16, 2001)

HYAAAAA!!! I finally finished it! I've been working on this baby since February! If you haven't realized it yet, this is based on episode 60: SAKURA TO TAISEN NA OTOMODACHI (Sakura's Most Precious Friend) with reference to episode 43: SAKURA TO SAYONARA MEILING (Sakura's Goodbye to Meiling) . On a side note, Meiling signs her letter to Sakura with in Chinese kanji that in episode 61 Syaoran translates for her as "my most precious friend".

Anywayz, this fic is inspired from Meiling's letter to Syaoran. It struck me as the most unselfish thing she ever did because of how she ended it "I wish for nothing else but your happiness... Li Syaoran-sama". Attaching the formal honourific title to Syaoran's name was IT! It's final, she finally gave up her personal claim on Syaoran, and it struck me as really sad. Even though I was really annoyed as hell with her. She only has two good episodes and this is probably the best episode she's in. Not to mention Yukana Nogami's amazing voice acting in this episode. I simply loved that scene with Meiling and Tomoyo after Syaoran finally admitted that he loves Sakura more than her [Meiling].

Heh-heh... ironically, I was listening to Sakamoto Maaya's "VECTOR" from the Escaflowne Movie's album single when I was writing this. Talk about creating the mood, ne? ^_^.

Well, I hope you guys liked this. Please feel free to give comments and criticisms. This is also available via Fanfiction.net. If you have an account there, please review! I would really appreciate it.

Ja!
Ina-chan

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