Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Truth Is ❯ Truth Is ( One-Shot )
[ P - Pre-Teen ]
Truth Is
Song by Fantasia Barrino
Story by Starlight Rose
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Clamp. Story concept by me. Song belongs to Fantasia Barrino.
~
Twenty-five year old Kinomoto Sakura had everything any modern woman would want. She was beautiful with bright green eyes that were reminecient in color to the leaves of the tree she was named after. They shone out of a face so breath-takingly beautiful that it caused people to do literal double-takes to make sure she was real. Honey-brown hair framed this perfect face and cascaded down her back to a tiny waist that was the envy of many. In looks Sakura was an "Incomparable", which was fortunate for her since Sakura was also a model. The young woman had been modeling for her fashion designer friend, Tomoyo, since they were ten. When Tomoyo graduated fashion school and made a big name of herself in the industry she dragged her best friend the "oh so cute" Sakura-chan into the fashion industry with her. So at the age of twenty-five Sakura was a very well-off and well-known model whose face and figure appeared in ads all over the world. So much success would go to most people's head, but not Sakura's. She remained as sweet, innocent, and utterably gullible as she had been at the age of ten.
Sakura was just finishing up a photo-shoot that had started much too early in the morning for her liking and was on her way back to her apartment to get some much needed catch-up sleep. A frown marred her usually cheerful face as she thought about the overly aggressive invitation to lunch she had just recieved from the vice president of the modeling agency that was scouting her. Sakura had politely refused and quickly made her escape before the man could make any more advances on her. An uneasy feeling of dissatisfaction had been plaguing the lovely lady lately and she had not been able to pinpoint what it was until this morning. The arrogant a-err...jerk that had tried getting her to go out with him told her exactly what her problem was. Sakura had no boyfriend. Sakura had occassionally dated throughout college but once she graduated and her career had jump started she seemed to no longer have time for dating anymore. It wasn't as if the dates meant much to her and Sakura was well aware many women found themselves quite satisfied with their lives without a significant other in it.
However, Sakura had been raised with the stories of the true-love her parents had shared one that transcended death even- considering how even though her mother was dead her father still adored her and Sakura's mother Nadeshiko came down to visit her husband and family quite often. In her childhood Sakura had experianced what she had thought of as love as well but she had lived without that feeling for many years. She wondered what brought back the longing for romance back into her life. She was far from unhappy with her life. Sakura knew she was blessed with a loving family, wonderful friends, and a spectacular career. It just felt like something important was missing from her life and she finally figured out what it was, but the timing of it confused Sakura.
~
Ran into an old friend yesterday
Caught me by surprise when he called my name
He was a familiar face, from a chapter in my past
~
So lost was she in her thoughts that she missed hearing the sharp in-take of breath from someone behind her. It wasn't until a vaguely familiar voice called her name out that Sakura broke away from her thoughts. She whirled around hoping it wasn't a fan since she didn't think she had the energy to deal with it today. Her eyes landed on a broad chest wearing a white linen dress shirt, a dark green tie, and a matching dark green blazer. Her eyes wondered up from the chest and starred into a face that evoked a flood of long repressed emotions in her. Standing before her was her childhood sweetheart, Li Syaoran.
He had grown a lot since Sakura had last seen him, but many things remained the same. His chocolate brown hair was mused and as messy as if he had been walking around in harsh winds although there wasn't even a breeze stirring the chilly December air. The face staring at her was handsome and lean as was the body that it sat atop- testament of a lifetime of martial arts training no doubt.Warm amber eyes gazed at her with affection and surprise as well as some other emotion Sakura could not seem to discern.
"Sakura?" His husky voice asked again as his lips formed a familiar shy smile.
"Syaoran-kun?" Sakura replied back. Her lips forming into their own smile. "What are you doing in Japan?"
"Business. My mother wanted me to personally handle an important contract."
"Oh. How...how have you been?" Sakura stuttered as she noticed Syaoran starring at her.
"I've been good. How about you?"
"I've been good too." She replied looking at the ground trying to avoid the awkward intensity of his gaze.
"Look, I have a few hours free before I have to get back to work. If you're not busy would you like to go out to lunch? We can catch up a bit. I mean we're still friends right?" Syaoran asked her turning away before she could look up surprised by his question and the slight bit of trepidation she heard from the confidant looking young man before her. She was surprised to see a slight tint of red on his cheeks but attributed it to the chilly weather.
"Lunch sounds good. I think I know a good place."
"Lead the way." Syaoran replied offering her his arm with a grin. Sakura giggled at his attempt at gallantry reminding her of times long past as she showed him to her favorite cafe. Sleep can wait for an old friend.
~
Talked for awhile, I smiled and then
Said that he was seeing somebody and
Told me this was gonna last
Showing me her photograph
~
The two entered a little cafe a few blocks from where they met. They quickly found a table since the lunch crowd had yet to start pouring in. After ordering their meals they sat there in silence for a few minutes each not really knowing what to say. Finally Syaoran broke the ice asking, "So are you and Daidouji still inseperable?"
Laughing Sakura nodded her head. "Kind of hard not to be when we work together."
"Oh? What do you two do?"
"Tomoyo-chan designs cloths and I model them."
"Umm...no offense to Daidouji but her designs...are they anything near as err...eccentric as the ones she had you wear during your capturing days?"
"Thankfully no. She's settled into more mundane and conventional designs. Not to say they are any less original. Just less flamboyant."
From there somehow the conversation flowed to memories of their past days. They reminieced on the old card captoring days wistfully. They talked about each other's families and their mutual friends and eventually about what each had been doing since they lost contact with each other.
"So being the president of a multi-national corporation must be tough at such a young age."
"Not really. My mother still handles most of the responsibilities and my sisters run the various divisions. I'm more of a figurehead. I get to attend fancy functions and pretend to be the decision maker."
Sakura smiled sympathically having attended more than her fair share of formal corporate functions. "So do you have a picture of yourself at those things? You've seen me dressed up plenty but I've never seen you in a tuxedo." Sakura asked teasingly.
"I'm not sure dressed up is the term I'd use for Daidouji's designs, but yeah I have one picture." Syaoran reached into his wallet and pulled out a picture and handed it to her.
Sakura looked at it and admired ther handsome figure he cut in a tuxedo and forcing a smile to her face while she felt her heart clench painfully inside of her asked, "So who's the cute girl next to you?" The girl in the picture clung possively to Syaoran's arm as a bright smile graced her lips, her reddish brown eyes sparkling with energy. Her black hair was up in twin buns with two long ponytails falling from each of the buns. The red dress that she wore clung to her every curve showing her to be as atheltic as she was pretty.
"That's Meiling. My fiancee." Syaoran answered.
~
And all the feelings I thought were gone
Came rushing back to me at once
Tried to smile and hide the way I felt
But I was thinking to myself
~
"Your fiancee....oh, I hadn't heard. Congratulations!" Sakura beamed. She forced her normal cheerful smile to face as she said it. Feelings of jealousy and betrayal welled up inside her, but she squashed them down firmly. Heart-hurting but a cheerful facade in place Sakura continued, "So when is the wedding?"
"We haven't really decided on a date yet. Things just keep coming up." Syaoran replied. His eyes seemingly searching her face for a reaction. His beautiful amber eyes seemed to convey a longing to Sakura that brought back feelings of love and desire that she had not felt since she was eighteen.
"So tell me about her." Sakura said as she was thinking to herself...
~
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) and it's killing me cause, now I know
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
~
As Syaoran talked about Meiling, Sakura kept wishing she could be the one with him. Somehow even after six years after they had last talked to each other and even longer since they had last seen each other, she still loved him. It pained her to smile for him but what else could she do? He was no longer her Syaoran. This confident and powerful man before belong to the ruby-eyed woman in the picture, and it hurt. Regret filled Sakura as the realization that she had never stopped loving Syaoran crashed over her.
~
We reminisce on the way things used to be
Shared a couple laughs, shared some memories
Talked about the things that changed
Some for good and some for bad
Then he said good-bye and he paid for brunch
Promised that we'd always keep in touch
Grabbed my bags and grabbed my furs
Walked away and that was that
~
As they continued talking and telling each other about their lives for the past six years, Sakura saw glimpses of her childhood love in the handsome man before her, but she was certain that even if she still loved him, Syaoran had moved on. He had inherited leadership of his clan at the young age of twenty-one. Despite how he downplayed it, Syaoran Li was a powerful man. He had become more outgoing as a result of being forced into a leadership position, but the tenderness he had developed while Sakura and he were dating seemed to have been lost. Around her he was still gentle and kind but Sakura felt an aloofness in his manner that seemed to be ingrained in him.
They sat and traded stories about all their mutual aquantinces which left Sakura doing the majority of the talking which was fine with her as it allowed her to get her mind off the pain in her heart. As she finished telling Syaoran about how Touya and Yukito had moved to Kyoto and had set up a bakery there together Syaoran glanced down at his watch.
"I'm really sorry to have to cut this short Sakura, but I lost track of the time talking to you. I need to get back to my office to meet with some important clients." Syaoran said giving her a sincerely regretful look.
"It's okay." Sakura gave him her warmest smile. "I'm glad I ran into you. It was great seeing you again." Sakura kept her eyes downcast as she said the last so missed seeing Syaoran blush.
Syaoran picked up both their bills and stood up grabbing his coat from the back of his chair as he waited for her to pick up her things. Sakura picked up her coat with the faux fur lining and her purse standing up and looking around searching for something. "Are you missing something?" Syaoran asked concerned.
"I can't find my bill." Sakura replied confused.
"It's right here." Syaoran replied waving it in front of her face.
"Oh. Thank you." Sakura replied trying to take it from him only to have it snatched out from under her fingers.
"Nuh uh. Lunch is on me Sakura. Don't even think about paying for it."
"Syaoran-kun! I can pay for myself." Sakura pouted suddenly reminded forcefully of similar arguments the two had shared in the past. Her bright smile dimmed a bit before she returned, "But if you insist, I guess I have to give in. I could never win against you anyway."
Syaoran grinned as his arm wrapped casually around her waist pushing her chair in for her before walking to the cash register. Sakura followed behind him.
"It was really great seeing you again Sakura. I'm going to be in town for another month, maybe more. Maybe we can get together again and next time we'll be less pressed for time. Here's my card. Call me at anytime if you need anything." Syaoran said handing her a business card.
"Yeah, we'll have to get together again. Next time maybe Tomoyo-chan can come along. Good-bye Syaoran-kun."
~
And all the feelings I thought were gone
Came rushing back to me at once
Tried to smile and hide the way I felt
But I was thinking to myself
~
Sakura watched Syaoran walk away with a fake smile on her face until she could no longer see him. Then she let her mask fall and a silent tear traced its way down her cheek. After all this time her heart still hadn't healed. She had tried so hard to forget him. She had attempted to date so many guys in college but nothing had worked until she gave up on dating completely. Nothing erased him from her heart and Sakura knew she had nothing but her own weakness to blame. Everytime he smiled at her Sakura's heart leapt until she reminded herself he belong to someone else. He no longer loved her, yet she kept thinking to herself...
~
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) and it's killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
Now the truth is, it hurts
But I know that the fault's mine
Cause I let him go
Tried to get over it, but it's messed up
He's not mine (because I know)
~
The fault was entirely hers Sakura knew as she made her way home to the apartment she and Tomoyo shared. He was no longer hers because she had been weak and had broken up with him. As she closed the door to her room Sakura could only collapse on it and cry herself to sleep.
She awoke to find herself on the floor. Sounds of movement from the kitchen alerted her that Tomoyo was home. Flinging her door open Sakura ran to her friend and hugged her tightly as she cried into the confused girl's arms.
"Sakura-chan! What's wrong?"
"I saw him today Tomoyo-chan..."
Tomoyo's eyes widened as she said softly, "Oh Sakura-chan...you still love him. After all this time. I had hoped you had gotten over him. Want to tell me what happened?"
Sakura allowed herself to be led to the couch as Tomoyo sat down on it. Sakura laid her head on Tomoyo's lap as the other girl stroked her head gently listening to Sakura recount her afternoon and all her feelings of regret and hurt.
"You could tell him." Tomoyo suggested.
"How Tomoyo-chan? I was the one that broke up with him. It was all my fault. I can't suddenly go back and tell him that I still love him. That I never stopped loving him. He's engaged now. I don't want to ruin things for him. I have no right to. Anyway, what good would it do? He obviously doesn't feel the same." Sakura protested.
"It would help you Sakura-chan. Telling him would allow you to get the closure you need. You need to move on and you never did. Telling him now and allowing him to turn you down now would put it at an end. When you broke up with him, it wasn't completely your fault. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain especially maintain for seven years with only letters and phone calls with a few visits. You started doubting your feelings for him as being merely a puppy love since you two became attached to each other at such a young age. You're older now and if all those feelings are still there then it's true love. Even if nothing comes out of it, which I'm sorry to be harsh but will likely be the case, you need to tell him so that you can move on." Tomoyo encouraged her best friend.
Sakura's eyes took on a distant look as she answered, "I'll consider it. I have a bit of time still. He said he'll be in Tokyo for another month, maybe more."
"Do that. I want only the best for you Sakura-chan."
~
It had been two weeks since Sakura last saw Syaoran. Her life went back to what it had always been. She showed up to photoshoots and runway shows and pretended to smile like she had no worries in the world but inside her heart was hollow. Only Tomoyo saw through her facade but Tomoyo knew better than to push her. Once in a while Sakura would catch Tomoyo watching her with a concerned look on her face when Tomoyo though she wasn't watching.
Now Sakura laid in bed just thinking. Syaoran was in Japan. He was in Tokyo and a mere phone call away but Sakura couldn't bring herself to call him up. What right did she have to subject him to hearing her confession of love after she had broken up with him and in the process broken his heart as well as her own. He had moved on. She needed to do the same but she couldn't.
She jumped out of bed and walked decisively to her closet. Rummaging through several boxes that held memories of her past she found what she was looking for. It was a tiny green teddy bear. Sakura sat on her bed hugging the bear to her chest thinking of the past.
He had given her the bear when he left for Hong Kong promising her that he would be back as soon as he could and asking her to wait for him. Sakura agreed and the two had maintained a long distance relationship for years. As they grew up and they became teenagers, the relationship kept becoming harder to maintain. Their lives intruded upon it and kept them from talking to each other as much as they had earlier. As the years passed Sakura started doubting Syaoran's feelings for her and her own feelings for him. And even more years passed without Syaoran returning to Japan, his training keeping him in Hong Kong. Sakura came to realize she had been selfish to ask him to come back to Japan to be with her when his life was obviously in Hong Kong. Finally Sakura decided to let him go. Their love that had seemed so strong as a child, looked like puppy love from the perspective of an eighteen-year-old.
So Sakura had called him up and told him her decision. Sakura cried as she remembered the pain in his voice when he asked her, "Is there no way I can change your mind Sakura? Is there no way I can prove to you that I do truely love you?"
"Come back to me Syaoran. If you come back to Japan in a month and tell me in person that you love me, I'll believe you."
"I...I can't Sakura. I'm sorry." Syaoran had sobbed back at her. That was the first time Sakura had heard his voice break like that and she cried her own tears.
"Then I'm sorry Syaoran-kun, but this just isn't working. I can't live my entire life waiting for you. I need to move forward."
"I'm sorry too Sakura, but no matter what happens remember I do love you. It wasn't just a childhood crush."
"I know Syaoran-kun. Good-bye Syaoran." Sakura said before she hung up the phone and cried herself to sleep that night.
It was ironic really that she had broken up with him to move on with her life. The first month after her break-up Sakura was constantly crying and depressed, but slowly with time her heart mended itself and she did move on with her life without Syaoran. After she entered college she even began to date again though none of her relationships ever lasted. No guy ever touched her heart again no matter how kind, smart, handsome, or cool. Sakura had moved on with her life but her heart would not move on.
"Tomoyo-chan is right." Sakura decided to herself. "I need to tell him. Maybe if I do, I really can move on with my life this time. I may never love another man again, but I will have peace of mind."
She put on her clothes and glanced at the clock noticing it was approaching five in the evening. If she was lucky maybe she could catch him as he would be leaving work. Grabbing her coat, purse, and keys from the living room Sakura walked purposefully out of the apartment with a green teddy bear tucked firming in her arms.
She parked a block away from the Tokyo office of Li Corporations Headquarters and just stared at the building looming in front of her. The sky was already dark and grey clouds were rolling in covering the stars and moon. The atmosphere had the heavy moist feel that foreshadowed a coming rainstorm. Sakura cursed herself for not bringing an umbrella with her, but got out of her car and walked towards the building regardless.
As she stood outside it looking at the imposing structure before her, Sakura tried to think of what she would say to him, but nothing would come to mind. How do you tell someone that you loved them knowing they loved someone else. As she stood there the heavens opened up and began raining on her and Sakura laughed at herself. She was foolish for coming here. What could she accomplish by telling him? He wouldn't feel the same and she would only get her heart broken into even smaller pieces. As the cold December rain soaked through her coat and dripped down her face, Sakura shook her head at her own stupidity.
She turned away from the building and began walking back to her car. She had lived without him for six years and buried her feelings once before. She could do it again. It would take time, but everything did afterall time heals all wounds even those of the heart. Her heart may never be whole again, but she at least now knew what was missing from it. She would not burden Syaoran with her silly feelings.
So lost was she in her thoughts that she didn't notice the light on the cross walk go from a flashing red to a solid red. As she was stepping off the side walk onto the street she heard a horn blare at and looked to see a car fast approaching her. Green-eyes widened with shock before she felt a strong tug on her arm pulling her back onto the sidewalk. The hand that had pulled her out of the street whirled her around to face its owner and Sakura looked up to be met with a furious and instense amber glare.
"What the hell were you thinking Sakura? Where is your head? You could have gotten seriously hurt walking out into traffic like that!" Syaoran shouted at her. Frustration and worry was evident in his face.
Sakura felt her eyes well up with tears as she gazed at his beloved face. Rain continued to pour down and began mixing with her tears. How could she reply to him? What could she do? Tell him that she had been so busy thinking about how much she still loved him and how she could live without him that she didn't notice the light change.
"Sakura! Are you even listening to me?" Syaoran grabbed her shoulders and shook her fiercely as she lowered her head trying to stop him from seeing the tears in her eyes. "Look at me Sakura. Tell me what is going on in that head of yours that would cause you to do that!"
"I'm sorry Syaoran. I'm so sorry!" And before she could think she had blurted it out.
~
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) and it's killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
~
Syaoran stood there and stared at her. Sakura shouldn't have been surprised at seeing the shock written all over his face at her confession but she was a bit hurt that he was just standing there gaping at her not saying a thing. She figured her confession at least deserved some sort of response. Suddenly his face hardened and became an emotionless mask and one of the hands holding her shoulders dropped to his side as the other grabbed her wrist. "You're coming with me. We need to talk and this isn't the place to do it."
"Li-san?" Sakura ventured as she was being dragged back in the direction she had come from feeling silly as she was soaking wet, carrying a teddy bear in her arms that was just as drenched. Syaoran did not stop however, only glancing back at her once to glare at her causing all her protests to die on her lips.
Sakura supposed after her outburst he did have a right to be angry with her. Then she finally noticed it. Behind the sounds of the cars and the rain were voices murmuring.
"Isn't that Kinomoto Sakura, the model?"
"Hey, it's Li Syaoran, Asia's number one bachelor."
"What's going on? Do they know each other?"
"I thought Li-san was engaged to someone already! What is he doing with Kinomoto-san?"
"Could it be an affair?"
"No way! He looks more furious with her than anything."
Sakura flushed with embarassment and docilely followed Syaoran to the small parking lot outside his building and to a small fancy silver sports car. Unlocking the passenger-side door he tore it open and waited for Sakura to get in before slamming it shut and going over to the driver's side and getting in himself and pulling out of the parking lot. Sakura winced as she realized she was soaking the interior of his nice car and reminded herself to offer to have it cleaned for him. As they drove through the wet Tokyo streets with a tense silence between them, Sakura finally ventured to ask, "Umm...Li-san...where are we going?"
"To my apartment and call me Syaoran. You haven't called me Li in a very long time so don't start back up on it. Considering the things you've said and what we've been through together I don't think you can justify calling me Li anymore, Sakura." Syaoran told her coldly though making sure he emphasized his casual use of her name.
Sakura flinched at his tone of voice but chose to remain silent.
They pulled up to a large elegant set of apartments not long after that but this time Syaoran merely walked ahead of Sakura rather than dragging her behind him. The doorman raised his eyebrow at the couple walking in dripping water on the floor but a glance at Syaoran caused him to merely nod his head in deference and call a janitor to come mop it up.
Sakura glanced around at the large elegantly designed apartment and shivered. It was beautiful and stately but without an ounce of warmth or coziness to it. Only two photo decorated the mantle over a large fireplace that Syaoran was trying coax a fire into starting up in. From where she was standing Sakura could not see it them too clearly but she could tell they were group photos.
"Are you cold?" Syaoran asked, his voice suddenly as soft and tender as she remembered from long ago.
Sakura nodded her head not sure what to make of the sudden change in his demeanor. And people thought women had mood swings.
"I'll go get you something to change into and you can go shower. After that though, we need to talk. You need to explain yourself."
Sakura nodded mutely and miserably. How could she do otherwise after she had embarassed herself and him so badly in the middle of the street. Syaoran came back and handed her a large fluffy towel and a oversized bathrobe. Sakura thanked him and headed to the bathroom he pointed out to her.
She came back after twenty minute toweling her hair dry and wrapped in the bathrobe. The robe was warm and soft and smelled of Syaoran. She wondered briefly if she could keep it even if Syaoran wanted her out of his life never to see her again. It would be a reminder of how sweet he could be. But then again maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea if her intent was to move on. That was the reason she brought the bear with her, to give to him and move on.
Syaoran was sitting on the sofa with two cups of what looked like hot tea sitting on the coffee table in front of him. He had changed into a dark green button down and a pair of khakis. When he saw her he smiled but the smile quickly turned into a scowl as he remembered what she had said earlier. "Mind explaining what happened earlier?"
Sakura flushed but looked straight into his eyes...
~
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) and it's killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
~
"I know you don't feel the same and I know I don't have a right to say any of this to you. I'm not saying this because I want to get between you and your fiancee, but I think Tomoyo-chan was right that I needed to clear this up between us so that I can move on with my life again." Sakura half sobbed, half ranted.
"Why? What brought these feeling back up? I thought when you called me that things were over between us. I thought you no longer loved me. Why Sakura?" Syaoran asked her coldly.
"I don't know. It just came back after I saw you again. I thought I had gotten over you, but when I saw you again, everything I thought I had buried came back. I never really ever stopped loving you."
"If you loved me why the hell did you break up with me? Why couldn't you wait another three years Sakura? You waited seven years for me prior."
"Because I was weak! I had lived for seven years waiting for you to come back to me but you never did! I wanted a fresh start when I started college. I wanted to become a new person. One you could live without you Syaoran. And no matter that I loved you and still do, I accomplished that. I know I can live without, even though I would rather live with you. I was eighteen and I was tired of living with what ifs. 'What if he doesn't really love me?' 'What if he never comes back.' 'What if we've changed so much that things can no longer be the same?' We were eleven Syaoran! I knew I loved you and I knew you loved me. We went through too much together for those feelings to not have been real. What I didn't know was whether it was a lasting love that we could grow old with. How could I know that when I saw you maybe twice a year if even that?" Sakura sighed tiredly.
"What happened earlier? Why were you walking away from my building if you wanted to tell me all this and nearly getting yourself killed crossing the street?" Syaoran asked in a gentlier voice.
"I had second thoughts. I know it was my fault. I was the one that broke up with you. I had no right to come back into your life and burden you with my problems so I decided that I could bury my feeling for you again and go on with my life and let you live yours happily with your fiancee. I guess I was too lost in thought to notice my surroundings. Thank you for saving me though. You always seemed to have a knack of being right on time to save me, even back in the old card capturing days."
"I'm sorry Sakura. You were right. Things can no longer go back to the way they were." Syaoran told her turning his back on her and starring into the fire.
Sakura gave him a bittersweet smile. "I know, but I think I can go on with my life now. Friends?"
"I don't think after hearing this I can be friends with you Sakura."
"I understand. Well, I guess this is good-bye for good Syaoran. I hope you and Meiling have a happy life together." Sakura told him smiling although tears were welling up in her eyes. She was sad but felt like a great weight had been lifted off her shoulder. She might always love him, but she could continue with her life again and time would eventually dim the memory of him from her mind so that the pain would be less intense. She stood up and started walking towards the door before realizing she had no way to get home. Turning around and giving Syaoran a sheepish smile. "Umm...I really hate to ask you this Li-san, but could you drive me back to the parking garage a block away from your building or could you tell me exactly where we are so I can get Tomoyo-chan to come pick me up?"
"Syaoran." Syaoran said gazing at her calmly his face impassive.
"What?" Sakura asked confused.
"I asked you earlier to call me Syaoran. Not Li-san." Syaoran told her. "And no I cannot drive you back to your car." Sakura just stared at him blinking in confusion. "At least I can't until you hear what I have to say to you. I've let you vent for long enough. Now it's my turn. Fair's fair. Now sit your cute little butt down again."
Sakura nodded and did as she was told. Syaoran ran a wary hand through his hair before sighing tiredly and starting,
~
I just gotta be honest, I guess
I-I guess, I'm still in love, in love, in love
~
"I'm no longer engaged to Meiling. A few days after I met up with you I canceled our engagement. Meiling was less than happy with me of course but she'll get over it eventually. Truth be told the reason she and I aren't already married was because I kept delaying it because I didn't love her. Meiling is my second cousin and our marriage was arranged by the clan elders. I never loved anyone but you Sakura.
When you broke up with me, I was angry and frustrated. I wanted to go to Japan and find you to prove my love to you, but I was tied down with clan duties. Eventually I saw that as selfishness on my part for wanting to keep you tied to me when I could not be with you. It was unfair to you and I am so sorry for hurting you like that Sakura so I decided to let you go. Our break up was as much my fault as it was yours if not more so. After that I threw myself into my studies and my training to become the perfect clan lead. I really had nothing else left after I lost you. When I turned twenty-one the elders announced my engagement to Meiling. I just went along with it like I had been just going along with everything else.
When my mother brought up this long term trip to Tokyo, I was at first resistent to the idea. I was afraid of being reminded of you or of meeting you. As always though my mother seemed to know what I needed. I don't think she was happy to see me just go along with everything and she knew very well I didn't love Meiling. She probably foresaw us meeting again. She won in the end and so I came to Japan.
Avoiding thinking of you here in Japan is almost impossible you know. I hadn't really understood how popular of a model you had become until I came over here. My sisters and my mother knew of course since they love keeping up with fashion. Everyewhere I went there were posters of you. I must have looked like an idiot stepping of the plane with my jaw hanging open since the first thing I saw was a posterboard of you in some type of beauty cream ad.
The more I saw your pictures, the more I missed you and wondered how you were doing. If you had someone new in your life. If your personality was still as beautiful as I remembered because obviously your face and smile were even more beautiful than I had remembered. Then I ran into you on the street and I couldn't help but ask you out to lunch. Everything I felt for you before came flooding back. I spent several days being practically useless at work as I kept thinking about you. I finally called Meiling up and canceled our engagement. It wasn't fair for her to be stuck with a husband who didn't love her. Meiling was angry of course but in the end she knew that we would have been miserable together.
I guess I'm trying to say, the reason I can't be friends with you Sakura, is because I'm still in love with you. I could never think of you as just a friend while I have these feelings. You were right though that we both have changed a lot. We can't go back to the way we used to be, but if you are willing to give it a try, I'd like for us to try to create a new relationship. One based on a love that we can grow old with. If it doesn't work then, we would know it wasn't meant to be, but I will give it my all to make it work because while I can live my life without you, I find I just don't want to.
If you still want me to drive you back to your car, I will now...but I was hoping you might be willing to spend the night here with me and we can start over. I want to get to know the new you Sakura." Syaoran finally finished and looked searchingly at in her face with the most valunerable expression Sakura had ever seen on him. He was waiting for her response.
Tears streamed down her cheeks, "Let me borrow you phone please. I need to call Tomoyo-chan."
Syaoran nodded his head mutely and turned around to get her the phone his head bowed dejectedly. He gritted his teeth to try to keep from crying. He had bared his heart to her and asked her for a second chance at her heart, but Sakura apparently did not want to trust him with her heart again no matter that she had said she still loved him.
Suddenly he felt warm arms wrap themselves around his torso and he jerked his head up in shock. "I need to call Tomoyo-chan and tell her I won't be coming home tonight." Sakura's soft voice mumbled into his back as she pressed herself against him in a fierce hug.
Syaoran turned around in her arms and embraced her back, dropping feather kisses over the top of her head. He nuzzled her neck inhaling the familiar and long missed scent of her. Sakura's hands found their way to his face and cupped it tenderly before pulling his head down into a sweet kiss. Syaoran closed his eyes enjoying the pleasant taste of her lips and found himself pulling her tighter to him. He deepened the kiss, his tongue tracing her lips requesting entrance into her mouth. Sakura willingly opened her lips allowing him to explore her mouth. Their tongues danced around each other. The two kissed until the need for air became too great and they broke away panting.
"So I take that as a yes to starting over?" Syaoran asked raising an eyebrow at Sakura's forward actions.
"Depends...will you leave me for years again?" Sakura asked him seriously.
"No. Never again. This time when I go back to Hong Kong you are coming back with me preferably as my fiancee if not wife. I will never leave you behind again Sakura. Where I go, you will go as well and if you can't go with me then I will stay by you. That is a promise. Now I will probably have to go away for a few weeks sometimes but never months, and definitely never years."
Sakura smiled and pulled his head down for another kiss.
~Owari~
A.N. So it's not Heart's Treasures but it is S+S sap. This story has been forming itself in my head for about a month now and you guys will just have to live with this until my muse for Heart's Treasures comes back from her vacation. It's my first songfic so I'm not sure how well I integrated the song's lyrics into the story. I can't say I really like the song much, but the lyrics for it just spurred the idea for this fic. I originally heard it from Karaoke Revolution and the lyrics just struck a chord in me until I came up with this story and wrote it. I hope you liked it. Now go down and clicky on that review button and say something. Doesn't have to be nice. I know a lot of it was rather cliche and maybe too sappy.
Song by Fantasia Barrino
Story by Starlight Rose
Disclaimer: Characters belong to Clamp. Story concept by me. Song belongs to Fantasia Barrino.
~
Twenty-five year old Kinomoto Sakura had everything any modern woman would want. She was beautiful with bright green eyes that were reminecient in color to the leaves of the tree she was named after. They shone out of a face so breath-takingly beautiful that it caused people to do literal double-takes to make sure she was real. Honey-brown hair framed this perfect face and cascaded down her back to a tiny waist that was the envy of many. In looks Sakura was an "Incomparable", which was fortunate for her since Sakura was also a model. The young woman had been modeling for her fashion designer friend, Tomoyo, since they were ten. When Tomoyo graduated fashion school and made a big name of herself in the industry she dragged her best friend the "oh so cute" Sakura-chan into the fashion industry with her. So at the age of twenty-five Sakura was a very well-off and well-known model whose face and figure appeared in ads all over the world. So much success would go to most people's head, but not Sakura's. She remained as sweet, innocent, and utterably gullible as she had been at the age of ten.
Sakura was just finishing up a photo-shoot that had started much too early in the morning for her liking and was on her way back to her apartment to get some much needed catch-up sleep. A frown marred her usually cheerful face as she thought about the overly aggressive invitation to lunch she had just recieved from the vice president of the modeling agency that was scouting her. Sakura had politely refused and quickly made her escape before the man could make any more advances on her. An uneasy feeling of dissatisfaction had been plaguing the lovely lady lately and she had not been able to pinpoint what it was until this morning. The arrogant a-err...jerk that had tried getting her to go out with him told her exactly what her problem was. Sakura had no boyfriend. Sakura had occassionally dated throughout college but once she graduated and her career had jump started she seemed to no longer have time for dating anymore. It wasn't as if the dates meant much to her and Sakura was well aware many women found themselves quite satisfied with their lives without a significant other in it.
However, Sakura had been raised with the stories of the true-love her parents had shared one that transcended death even- considering how even though her mother was dead her father still adored her and Sakura's mother Nadeshiko came down to visit her husband and family quite often. In her childhood Sakura had experianced what she had thought of as love as well but she had lived without that feeling for many years. She wondered what brought back the longing for romance back into her life. She was far from unhappy with her life. Sakura knew she was blessed with a loving family, wonderful friends, and a spectacular career. It just felt like something important was missing from her life and she finally figured out what it was, but the timing of it confused Sakura.
~
Ran into an old friend yesterday
Caught me by surprise when he called my name
He was a familiar face, from a chapter in my past
~
So lost was she in her thoughts that she missed hearing the sharp in-take of breath from someone behind her. It wasn't until a vaguely familiar voice called her name out that Sakura broke away from her thoughts. She whirled around hoping it wasn't a fan since she didn't think she had the energy to deal with it today. Her eyes landed on a broad chest wearing a white linen dress shirt, a dark green tie, and a matching dark green blazer. Her eyes wondered up from the chest and starred into a face that evoked a flood of long repressed emotions in her. Standing before her was her childhood sweetheart, Li Syaoran.
He had grown a lot since Sakura had last seen him, but many things remained the same. His chocolate brown hair was mused and as messy as if he had been walking around in harsh winds although there wasn't even a breeze stirring the chilly December air. The face staring at her was handsome and lean as was the body that it sat atop- testament of a lifetime of martial arts training no doubt.Warm amber eyes gazed at her with affection and surprise as well as some other emotion Sakura could not seem to discern.
"Sakura?" His husky voice asked again as his lips formed a familiar shy smile.
"Syaoran-kun?" Sakura replied back. Her lips forming into their own smile. "What are you doing in Japan?"
"Business. My mother wanted me to personally handle an important contract."
"Oh. How...how have you been?" Sakura stuttered as she noticed Syaoran starring at her.
"I've been good. How about you?"
"I've been good too." She replied looking at the ground trying to avoid the awkward intensity of his gaze.
"Look, I have a few hours free before I have to get back to work. If you're not busy would you like to go out to lunch? We can catch up a bit. I mean we're still friends right?" Syaoran asked her turning away before she could look up surprised by his question and the slight bit of trepidation she heard from the confidant looking young man before her. She was surprised to see a slight tint of red on his cheeks but attributed it to the chilly weather.
"Lunch sounds good. I think I know a good place."
"Lead the way." Syaoran replied offering her his arm with a grin. Sakura giggled at his attempt at gallantry reminding her of times long past as she showed him to her favorite cafe. Sleep can wait for an old friend.
~
Talked for awhile, I smiled and then
Said that he was seeing somebody and
Told me this was gonna last
Showing me her photograph
~
The two entered a little cafe a few blocks from where they met. They quickly found a table since the lunch crowd had yet to start pouring in. After ordering their meals they sat there in silence for a few minutes each not really knowing what to say. Finally Syaoran broke the ice asking, "So are you and Daidouji still inseperable?"
Laughing Sakura nodded her head. "Kind of hard not to be when we work together."
"Oh? What do you two do?"
"Tomoyo-chan designs cloths and I model them."
"Umm...no offense to Daidouji but her designs...are they anything near as err...eccentric as the ones she had you wear during your capturing days?"
"Thankfully no. She's settled into more mundane and conventional designs. Not to say they are any less original. Just less flamboyant."
From there somehow the conversation flowed to memories of their past days. They reminieced on the old card captoring days wistfully. They talked about each other's families and their mutual friends and eventually about what each had been doing since they lost contact with each other.
"So being the president of a multi-national corporation must be tough at such a young age."
"Not really. My mother still handles most of the responsibilities and my sisters run the various divisions. I'm more of a figurehead. I get to attend fancy functions and pretend to be the decision maker."
Sakura smiled sympathically having attended more than her fair share of formal corporate functions. "So do you have a picture of yourself at those things? You've seen me dressed up plenty but I've never seen you in a tuxedo." Sakura asked teasingly.
"I'm not sure dressed up is the term I'd use for Daidouji's designs, but yeah I have one picture." Syaoran reached into his wallet and pulled out a picture and handed it to her.
Sakura looked at it and admired ther handsome figure he cut in a tuxedo and forcing a smile to her face while she felt her heart clench painfully inside of her asked, "So who's the cute girl next to you?" The girl in the picture clung possively to Syaoran's arm as a bright smile graced her lips, her reddish brown eyes sparkling with energy. Her black hair was up in twin buns with two long ponytails falling from each of the buns. The red dress that she wore clung to her every curve showing her to be as atheltic as she was pretty.
"That's Meiling. My fiancee." Syaoran answered.
~
And all the feelings I thought were gone
Came rushing back to me at once
Tried to smile and hide the way I felt
But I was thinking to myself
~
"Your fiancee....oh, I hadn't heard. Congratulations!" Sakura beamed. She forced her normal cheerful smile to face as she said it. Feelings of jealousy and betrayal welled up inside her, but she squashed them down firmly. Heart-hurting but a cheerful facade in place Sakura continued, "So when is the wedding?"
"We haven't really decided on a date yet. Things just keep coming up." Syaoran replied. His eyes seemingly searching her face for a reaction. His beautiful amber eyes seemed to convey a longing to Sakura that brought back feelings of love and desire that she had not felt since she was eighteen.
"So tell me about her." Sakura said as she was thinking to herself...
~
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) and it's killing me cause, now I know
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
~
As Syaoran talked about Meiling, Sakura kept wishing she could be the one with him. Somehow even after six years after they had last talked to each other and even longer since they had last seen each other, she still loved him. It pained her to smile for him but what else could she do? He was no longer her Syaoran. This confident and powerful man before belong to the ruby-eyed woman in the picture, and it hurt. Regret filled Sakura as the realization that she had never stopped loving Syaoran crashed over her.
~
We reminisce on the way things used to be
Shared a couple laughs, shared some memories
Talked about the things that changed
Some for good and some for bad
Then he said good-bye and he paid for brunch
Promised that we'd always keep in touch
Grabbed my bags and grabbed my furs
Walked away and that was that
~
As they continued talking and telling each other about their lives for the past six years, Sakura saw glimpses of her childhood love in the handsome man before her, but she was certain that even if she still loved him, Syaoran had moved on. He had inherited leadership of his clan at the young age of twenty-one. Despite how he downplayed it, Syaoran Li was a powerful man. He had become more outgoing as a result of being forced into a leadership position, but the tenderness he had developed while Sakura and he were dating seemed to have been lost. Around her he was still gentle and kind but Sakura felt an aloofness in his manner that seemed to be ingrained in him.
They sat and traded stories about all their mutual aquantinces which left Sakura doing the majority of the talking which was fine with her as it allowed her to get her mind off the pain in her heart. As she finished telling Syaoran about how Touya and Yukito had moved to Kyoto and had set up a bakery there together Syaoran glanced down at his watch.
"I'm really sorry to have to cut this short Sakura, but I lost track of the time talking to you. I need to get back to my office to meet with some important clients." Syaoran said giving her a sincerely regretful look.
"It's okay." Sakura gave him her warmest smile. "I'm glad I ran into you. It was great seeing you again." Sakura kept her eyes downcast as she said the last so missed seeing Syaoran blush.
Syaoran picked up both their bills and stood up grabbing his coat from the back of his chair as he waited for her to pick up her things. Sakura picked up her coat with the faux fur lining and her purse standing up and looking around searching for something. "Are you missing something?" Syaoran asked concerned.
"I can't find my bill." Sakura replied confused.
"It's right here." Syaoran replied waving it in front of her face.
"Oh. Thank you." Sakura replied trying to take it from him only to have it snatched out from under her fingers.
"Nuh uh. Lunch is on me Sakura. Don't even think about paying for it."
"Syaoran-kun! I can pay for myself." Sakura pouted suddenly reminded forcefully of similar arguments the two had shared in the past. Her bright smile dimmed a bit before she returned, "But if you insist, I guess I have to give in. I could never win against you anyway."
Syaoran grinned as his arm wrapped casually around her waist pushing her chair in for her before walking to the cash register. Sakura followed behind him.
"It was really great seeing you again Sakura. I'm going to be in town for another month, maybe more. Maybe we can get together again and next time we'll be less pressed for time. Here's my card. Call me at anytime if you need anything." Syaoran said handing her a business card.
"Yeah, we'll have to get together again. Next time maybe Tomoyo-chan can come along. Good-bye Syaoran-kun."
~
And all the feelings I thought were gone
Came rushing back to me at once
Tried to smile and hide the way I felt
But I was thinking to myself
~
Sakura watched Syaoran walk away with a fake smile on her face until she could no longer see him. Then she let her mask fall and a silent tear traced its way down her cheek. After all this time her heart still hadn't healed. She had tried so hard to forget him. She had attempted to date so many guys in college but nothing had worked until she gave up on dating completely. Nothing erased him from her heart and Sakura knew she had nothing but her own weakness to blame. Everytime he smiled at her Sakura's heart leapt until she reminded herself he belong to someone else. He no longer loved her, yet she kept thinking to herself...
~
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) and it's killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
Now the truth is, it hurts
But I know that the fault's mine
Cause I let him go
Tried to get over it, but it's messed up
He's not mine (because I know)
~
The fault was entirely hers Sakura knew as she made her way home to the apartment she and Tomoyo shared. He was no longer hers because she had been weak and had broken up with him. As she closed the door to her room Sakura could only collapse on it and cry herself to sleep.
She awoke to find herself on the floor. Sounds of movement from the kitchen alerted her that Tomoyo was home. Flinging her door open Sakura ran to her friend and hugged her tightly as she cried into the confused girl's arms.
"Sakura-chan! What's wrong?"
"I saw him today Tomoyo-chan..."
Tomoyo's eyes widened as she said softly, "Oh Sakura-chan...you still love him. After all this time. I had hoped you had gotten over him. Want to tell me what happened?"
Sakura allowed herself to be led to the couch as Tomoyo sat down on it. Sakura laid her head on Tomoyo's lap as the other girl stroked her head gently listening to Sakura recount her afternoon and all her feelings of regret and hurt.
"You could tell him." Tomoyo suggested.
"How Tomoyo-chan? I was the one that broke up with him. It was all my fault. I can't suddenly go back and tell him that I still love him. That I never stopped loving him. He's engaged now. I don't want to ruin things for him. I have no right to. Anyway, what good would it do? He obviously doesn't feel the same." Sakura protested.
"It would help you Sakura-chan. Telling him would allow you to get the closure you need. You need to move on and you never did. Telling him now and allowing him to turn you down now would put it at an end. When you broke up with him, it wasn't completely your fault. Long distance relationships are hard to maintain especially maintain for seven years with only letters and phone calls with a few visits. You started doubting your feelings for him as being merely a puppy love since you two became attached to each other at such a young age. You're older now and if all those feelings are still there then it's true love. Even if nothing comes out of it, which I'm sorry to be harsh but will likely be the case, you need to tell him so that you can move on." Tomoyo encouraged her best friend.
Sakura's eyes took on a distant look as she answered, "I'll consider it. I have a bit of time still. He said he'll be in Tokyo for another month, maybe more."
"Do that. I want only the best for you Sakura-chan."
~
It had been two weeks since Sakura last saw Syaoran. Her life went back to what it had always been. She showed up to photoshoots and runway shows and pretended to smile like she had no worries in the world but inside her heart was hollow. Only Tomoyo saw through her facade but Tomoyo knew better than to push her. Once in a while Sakura would catch Tomoyo watching her with a concerned look on her face when Tomoyo though she wasn't watching.
Now Sakura laid in bed just thinking. Syaoran was in Japan. He was in Tokyo and a mere phone call away but Sakura couldn't bring herself to call him up. What right did she have to subject him to hearing her confession of love after she had broken up with him and in the process broken his heart as well as her own. He had moved on. She needed to do the same but she couldn't.
She jumped out of bed and walked decisively to her closet. Rummaging through several boxes that held memories of her past she found what she was looking for. It was a tiny green teddy bear. Sakura sat on her bed hugging the bear to her chest thinking of the past.
He had given her the bear when he left for Hong Kong promising her that he would be back as soon as he could and asking her to wait for him. Sakura agreed and the two had maintained a long distance relationship for years. As they grew up and they became teenagers, the relationship kept becoming harder to maintain. Their lives intruded upon it and kept them from talking to each other as much as they had earlier. As the years passed Sakura started doubting Syaoran's feelings for her and her own feelings for him. And even more years passed without Syaoran returning to Japan, his training keeping him in Hong Kong. Sakura came to realize she had been selfish to ask him to come back to Japan to be with her when his life was obviously in Hong Kong. Finally Sakura decided to let him go. Their love that had seemed so strong as a child, looked like puppy love from the perspective of an eighteen-year-old.
So Sakura had called him up and told him her decision. Sakura cried as she remembered the pain in his voice when he asked her, "Is there no way I can change your mind Sakura? Is there no way I can prove to you that I do truely love you?"
"Come back to me Syaoran. If you come back to Japan in a month and tell me in person that you love me, I'll believe you."
"I...I can't Sakura. I'm sorry." Syaoran had sobbed back at her. That was the first time Sakura had heard his voice break like that and she cried her own tears.
"Then I'm sorry Syaoran-kun, but this just isn't working. I can't live my entire life waiting for you. I need to move forward."
"I'm sorry too Sakura, but no matter what happens remember I do love you. It wasn't just a childhood crush."
"I know Syaoran-kun. Good-bye Syaoran." Sakura said before she hung up the phone and cried herself to sleep that night.
It was ironic really that she had broken up with him to move on with her life. The first month after her break-up Sakura was constantly crying and depressed, but slowly with time her heart mended itself and she did move on with her life without Syaoran. After she entered college she even began to date again though none of her relationships ever lasted. No guy ever touched her heart again no matter how kind, smart, handsome, or cool. Sakura had moved on with her life but her heart would not move on.
"Tomoyo-chan is right." Sakura decided to herself. "I need to tell him. Maybe if I do, I really can move on with my life this time. I may never love another man again, but I will have peace of mind."
She put on her clothes and glanced at the clock noticing it was approaching five in the evening. If she was lucky maybe she could catch him as he would be leaving work. Grabbing her coat, purse, and keys from the living room Sakura walked purposefully out of the apartment with a green teddy bear tucked firming in her arms.
She parked a block away from the Tokyo office of Li Corporations Headquarters and just stared at the building looming in front of her. The sky was already dark and grey clouds were rolling in covering the stars and moon. The atmosphere had the heavy moist feel that foreshadowed a coming rainstorm. Sakura cursed herself for not bringing an umbrella with her, but got out of her car and walked towards the building regardless.
As she stood outside it looking at the imposing structure before her, Sakura tried to think of what she would say to him, but nothing would come to mind. How do you tell someone that you loved them knowing they loved someone else. As she stood there the heavens opened up and began raining on her and Sakura laughed at herself. She was foolish for coming here. What could she accomplish by telling him? He wouldn't feel the same and she would only get her heart broken into even smaller pieces. As the cold December rain soaked through her coat and dripped down her face, Sakura shook her head at her own stupidity.
She turned away from the building and began walking back to her car. She had lived without him for six years and buried her feelings once before. She could do it again. It would take time, but everything did afterall time heals all wounds even those of the heart. Her heart may never be whole again, but she at least now knew what was missing from it. She would not burden Syaoran with her silly feelings.
So lost was she in her thoughts that she didn't notice the light on the cross walk go from a flashing red to a solid red. As she was stepping off the side walk onto the street she heard a horn blare at and looked to see a car fast approaching her. Green-eyes widened with shock before she felt a strong tug on her arm pulling her back onto the sidewalk. The hand that had pulled her out of the street whirled her around to face its owner and Sakura looked up to be met with a furious and instense amber glare.
"What the hell were you thinking Sakura? Where is your head? You could have gotten seriously hurt walking out into traffic like that!" Syaoran shouted at her. Frustration and worry was evident in his face.
Sakura felt her eyes well up with tears as she gazed at his beloved face. Rain continued to pour down and began mixing with her tears. How could she reply to him? What could she do? Tell him that she had been so busy thinking about how much she still loved him and how she could live without him that she didn't notice the light change.
"Sakura! Are you even listening to me?" Syaoran grabbed her shoulders and shook her fiercely as she lowered her head trying to stop him from seeing the tears in her eyes. "Look at me Sakura. Tell me what is going on in that head of yours that would cause you to do that!"
"I'm sorry Syaoran. I'm so sorry!" And before she could think she had blurted it out.
~
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) and it's killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
~
Syaoran stood there and stared at her. Sakura shouldn't have been surprised at seeing the shock written all over his face at her confession but she was a bit hurt that he was just standing there gaping at her not saying a thing. She figured her confession at least deserved some sort of response. Suddenly his face hardened and became an emotionless mask and one of the hands holding her shoulders dropped to his side as the other grabbed her wrist. "You're coming with me. We need to talk and this isn't the place to do it."
"Li-san?" Sakura ventured as she was being dragged back in the direction she had come from feeling silly as she was soaking wet, carrying a teddy bear in her arms that was just as drenched. Syaoran did not stop however, only glancing back at her once to glare at her causing all her protests to die on her lips.
Sakura supposed after her outburst he did have a right to be angry with her. Then she finally noticed it. Behind the sounds of the cars and the rain were voices murmuring.
"Isn't that Kinomoto Sakura, the model?"
"Hey, it's Li Syaoran, Asia's number one bachelor."
"What's going on? Do they know each other?"
"I thought Li-san was engaged to someone already! What is he doing with Kinomoto-san?"
"Could it be an affair?"
"No way! He looks more furious with her than anything."
Sakura flushed with embarassment and docilely followed Syaoran to the small parking lot outside his building and to a small fancy silver sports car. Unlocking the passenger-side door he tore it open and waited for Sakura to get in before slamming it shut and going over to the driver's side and getting in himself and pulling out of the parking lot. Sakura winced as she realized she was soaking the interior of his nice car and reminded herself to offer to have it cleaned for him. As they drove through the wet Tokyo streets with a tense silence between them, Sakura finally ventured to ask, "Umm...Li-san...where are we going?"
"To my apartment and call me Syaoran. You haven't called me Li in a very long time so don't start back up on it. Considering the things you've said and what we've been through together I don't think you can justify calling me Li anymore, Sakura." Syaoran told her coldly though making sure he emphasized his casual use of her name.
Sakura flinched at his tone of voice but chose to remain silent.
They pulled up to a large elegant set of apartments not long after that but this time Syaoran merely walked ahead of Sakura rather than dragging her behind him. The doorman raised his eyebrow at the couple walking in dripping water on the floor but a glance at Syaoran caused him to merely nod his head in deference and call a janitor to come mop it up.
Sakura glanced around at the large elegantly designed apartment and shivered. It was beautiful and stately but without an ounce of warmth or coziness to it. Only two photo decorated the mantle over a large fireplace that Syaoran was trying coax a fire into starting up in. From where she was standing Sakura could not see it them too clearly but she could tell they were group photos.
"Are you cold?" Syaoran asked, his voice suddenly as soft and tender as she remembered from long ago.
Sakura nodded her head not sure what to make of the sudden change in his demeanor. And people thought women had mood swings.
"I'll go get you something to change into and you can go shower. After that though, we need to talk. You need to explain yourself."
Sakura nodded mutely and miserably. How could she do otherwise after she had embarassed herself and him so badly in the middle of the street. Syaoran came back and handed her a large fluffy towel and a oversized bathrobe. Sakura thanked him and headed to the bathroom he pointed out to her.
She came back after twenty minute toweling her hair dry and wrapped in the bathrobe. The robe was warm and soft and smelled of Syaoran. She wondered briefly if she could keep it even if Syaoran wanted her out of his life never to see her again. It would be a reminder of how sweet he could be. But then again maybe it wouldn't be such a good idea if her intent was to move on. That was the reason she brought the bear with her, to give to him and move on.
Syaoran was sitting on the sofa with two cups of what looked like hot tea sitting on the coffee table in front of him. He had changed into a dark green button down and a pair of khakis. When he saw her he smiled but the smile quickly turned into a scowl as he remembered what she had said earlier. "Mind explaining what happened earlier?"
Sakura flushed but looked straight into his eyes...
~
(Truth is) I never got over you
(Truth is) wish I was standing in her shoes
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
(Truth is) I never should have let you go
(Truth is) and it's killing me cuz now I know
(Truth is) and when it's all said and done
Guess I'm still I love with you
~
"I know you don't feel the same and I know I don't have a right to say any of this to you. I'm not saying this because I want to get between you and your fiancee, but I think Tomoyo-chan was right that I needed to clear this up between us so that I can move on with my life again." Sakura half sobbed, half ranted.
"Why? What brought these feeling back up? I thought when you called me that things were over between us. I thought you no longer loved me. Why Sakura?" Syaoran asked her coldly.
"I don't know. It just came back after I saw you again. I thought I had gotten over you, but when I saw you again, everything I thought I had buried came back. I never really ever stopped loving you."
"If you loved me why the hell did you break up with me? Why couldn't you wait another three years Sakura? You waited seven years for me prior."
"Because I was weak! I had lived for seven years waiting for you to come back to me but you never did! I wanted a fresh start when I started college. I wanted to become a new person. One you could live without you Syaoran. And no matter that I loved you and still do, I accomplished that. I know I can live without, even though I would rather live with you. I was eighteen and I was tired of living with what ifs. 'What if he doesn't really love me?' 'What if he never comes back.' 'What if we've changed so much that things can no longer be the same?' We were eleven Syaoran! I knew I loved you and I knew you loved me. We went through too much together for those feelings to not have been real. What I didn't know was whether it was a lasting love that we could grow old with. How could I know that when I saw you maybe twice a year if even that?" Sakura sighed tiredly.
"What happened earlier? Why were you walking away from my building if you wanted to tell me all this and nearly getting yourself killed crossing the street?" Syaoran asked in a gentlier voice.
"I had second thoughts. I know it was my fault. I was the one that broke up with you. I had no right to come back into your life and burden you with my problems so I decided that I could bury my feeling for you again and go on with my life and let you live yours happily with your fiancee. I guess I was too lost in thought to notice my surroundings. Thank you for saving me though. You always seemed to have a knack of being right on time to save me, even back in the old card capturing days."
"I'm sorry Sakura. You were right. Things can no longer go back to the way they were." Syaoran told her turning his back on her and starring into the fire.
Sakura gave him a bittersweet smile. "I know, but I think I can go on with my life now. Friends?"
"I don't think after hearing this I can be friends with you Sakura."
"I understand. Well, I guess this is good-bye for good Syaoran. I hope you and Meiling have a happy life together." Sakura told him smiling although tears were welling up in her eyes. She was sad but felt like a great weight had been lifted off her shoulder. She might always love him, but she could continue with her life again and time would eventually dim the memory of him from her mind so that the pain would be less intense. She stood up and started walking towards the door before realizing she had no way to get home. Turning around and giving Syaoran a sheepish smile. "Umm...I really hate to ask you this Li-san, but could you drive me back to the parking garage a block away from your building or could you tell me exactly where we are so I can get Tomoyo-chan to come pick me up?"
"Syaoran." Syaoran said gazing at her calmly his face impassive.
"What?" Sakura asked confused.
"I asked you earlier to call me Syaoran. Not Li-san." Syaoran told her. "And no I cannot drive you back to your car." Sakura just stared at him blinking in confusion. "At least I can't until you hear what I have to say to you. I've let you vent for long enough. Now it's my turn. Fair's fair. Now sit your cute little butt down again."
Sakura nodded and did as she was told. Syaoran ran a wary hand through his hair before sighing tiredly and starting,
~
I just gotta be honest, I guess
I-I guess, I'm still in love, in love, in love
~
"I'm no longer engaged to Meiling. A few days after I met up with you I canceled our engagement. Meiling was less than happy with me of course but she'll get over it eventually. Truth be told the reason she and I aren't already married was because I kept delaying it because I didn't love her. Meiling is my second cousin and our marriage was arranged by the clan elders. I never loved anyone but you Sakura.
When you broke up with me, I was angry and frustrated. I wanted to go to Japan and find you to prove my love to you, but I was tied down with clan duties. Eventually I saw that as selfishness on my part for wanting to keep you tied to me when I could not be with you. It was unfair to you and I am so sorry for hurting you like that Sakura so I decided to let you go. Our break up was as much my fault as it was yours if not more so. After that I threw myself into my studies and my training to become the perfect clan lead. I really had nothing else left after I lost you. When I turned twenty-one the elders announced my engagement to Meiling. I just went along with it like I had been just going along with everything else.
When my mother brought up this long term trip to Tokyo, I was at first resistent to the idea. I was afraid of being reminded of you or of meeting you. As always though my mother seemed to know what I needed. I don't think she was happy to see me just go along with everything and she knew very well I didn't love Meiling. She probably foresaw us meeting again. She won in the end and so I came to Japan.
Avoiding thinking of you here in Japan is almost impossible you know. I hadn't really understood how popular of a model you had become until I came over here. My sisters and my mother knew of course since they love keeping up with fashion. Everyewhere I went there were posters of you. I must have looked like an idiot stepping of the plane with my jaw hanging open since the first thing I saw was a posterboard of you in some type of beauty cream ad.
The more I saw your pictures, the more I missed you and wondered how you were doing. If you had someone new in your life. If your personality was still as beautiful as I remembered because obviously your face and smile were even more beautiful than I had remembered. Then I ran into you on the street and I couldn't help but ask you out to lunch. Everything I felt for you before came flooding back. I spent several days being practically useless at work as I kept thinking about you. I finally called Meiling up and canceled our engagement. It wasn't fair for her to be stuck with a husband who didn't love her. Meiling was angry of course but in the end she knew that we would have been miserable together.
I guess I'm trying to say, the reason I can't be friends with you Sakura, is because I'm still in love with you. I could never think of you as just a friend while I have these feelings. You were right though that we both have changed a lot. We can't go back to the way we used to be, but if you are willing to give it a try, I'd like for us to try to create a new relationship. One based on a love that we can grow old with. If it doesn't work then, we would know it wasn't meant to be, but I will give it my all to make it work because while I can live my life without you, I find I just don't want to.
If you still want me to drive you back to your car, I will now...but I was hoping you might be willing to spend the night here with me and we can start over. I want to get to know the new you Sakura." Syaoran finally finished and looked searchingly at in her face with the most valunerable expression Sakura had ever seen on him. He was waiting for her response.
Tears streamed down her cheeks, "Let me borrow you phone please. I need to call Tomoyo-chan."
Syaoran nodded his head mutely and turned around to get her the phone his head bowed dejectedly. He gritted his teeth to try to keep from crying. He had bared his heart to her and asked her for a second chance at her heart, but Sakura apparently did not want to trust him with her heart again no matter that she had said she still loved him.
Suddenly he felt warm arms wrap themselves around his torso and he jerked his head up in shock. "I need to call Tomoyo-chan and tell her I won't be coming home tonight." Sakura's soft voice mumbled into his back as she pressed herself against him in a fierce hug.
Syaoran turned around in her arms and embraced her back, dropping feather kisses over the top of her head. He nuzzled her neck inhaling the familiar and long missed scent of her. Sakura's hands found their way to his face and cupped it tenderly before pulling his head down into a sweet kiss. Syaoran closed his eyes enjoying the pleasant taste of her lips and found himself pulling her tighter to him. He deepened the kiss, his tongue tracing her lips requesting entrance into her mouth. Sakura willingly opened her lips allowing him to explore her mouth. Their tongues danced around each other. The two kissed until the need for air became too great and they broke away panting.
"So I take that as a yes to starting over?" Syaoran asked raising an eyebrow at Sakura's forward actions.
"Depends...will you leave me for years again?" Sakura asked him seriously.
"No. Never again. This time when I go back to Hong Kong you are coming back with me preferably as my fiancee if not wife. I will never leave you behind again Sakura. Where I go, you will go as well and if you can't go with me then I will stay by you. That is a promise. Now I will probably have to go away for a few weeks sometimes but never months, and definitely never years."
Sakura smiled and pulled his head down for another kiss.
~Owari~
A.N. So it's not Heart's Treasures but it is S+S sap. This story has been forming itself in my head for about a month now and you guys will just have to live with this until my muse for Heart's Treasures comes back from her vacation. It's my first songfic so I'm not sure how well I integrated the song's lyrics into the story. I can't say I really like the song much, but the lyrics for it just spurred the idea for this fic. I originally heard it from Karaoke Revolution and the lyrics just struck a chord in me until I came up with this story and wrote it. I hope you liked it. Now go down and clicky on that review button and say something. Doesn't have to be nice. I know a lot of it was rather cliche and maybe too sappy.