Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ What I Didn't Know ❯ Isosceles ( Chapter 9 )

What I Didn't Know

Chapter 9-Isosceles

I finally fell asleep after several hours of restless tossing and turning. But it felt like only a few minutes had elapsed when the welcome darkness was rudely interrupted by the insistent chirping of my alarm clock. I reached up to slam the snooze button and burrowed back under my blankets, wrapping my arm around my pillow as I tried to decide whether I was really ready to wake up or not. It was a cowardly way of avoiding the world, but I was going to put it off as long as I could.

"Ahem."

The hell? I forced my tired eyes open and noticed the tall, pale figure standing in the center of my room. His arms were crossed over his chest, and his jutting chin was held in that aloof posture I immediately recognized. I'd never known anyone to radiate such an air of disdain and indignation, and I resented his attitude toward me. I hadn't given him any reason to treat me like this.

God, my hackles had been raised already. And it wasn't even seven yet. This didn't bode well for the day ahead.

"Good morning," Yue said sardonically, raising an eyebrow at me.

I sat up quickly, which caused a dizzy rush of blood from my brain. "Yeah," I muttered, my voice a bit scratchy, as I rubbed my eyes.

"Do you have something you want to say to me?"

Well, so much for the exchange of pleasantries. "Where's Yuki?" I asked, and, yes, I knew it was an exceedingly stupid question, because I saw him trying not to roll his silver eyes. "I mean, I know where...." I groaned and shook my head. One corner of Yue's thin-lipped mouth quirked slightly. If I didn't know better, I'd think he was amused by my lack of coherence and comprehension at this early hour.

"He's sleeping," Yue explained in slow, measured tones, as if I were three years old and not very bright. "I thought we should take advantage of this time to get a few things cleared up."

Someone please just kill me now. I did not want to discuss what had happened last night with Yue, of all people. I hadn't yet decided what I was going to say to Yuki, except, quite possibly, the truth. It was the only way I was going to salvage anything from the situation, if at least I had the right motivation for my actions. "Okay," I agreed. "Do you want to sit down?"

"I'm perfectly comfortable."

I doubted he was ever perfectly comfortable. He stood there rigidly as if refusing to show weakness, or uncertainty, or emotion of any kind. It was probably a good quality for the guardian entrusted to protect my sister. It wasn't a good quality for anything else. "Fine," I replied, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I wasn't going to let him tower over me like that and make me feel inferior. He was the only one who could do that to me. "So, what do you want to talk about?" I asked leadingly, stretching to my full height and then some as I stood before him. This way I could look down on him instead. It was petty, but I'd take any advantage I could get.

Yue gave me a scathing once-over, taking in my wrinkled t-shirt and shorts, but I didn't flinch. Then he made some sort of huffing sound and pushed his long white hair out of his eyes. "Do you know what you're doing?"

"In general? I'd like to think so." I didn't mean to sound so snarky. Well, maybe I did. It was early, after all, and I hadn't gotten much sleep.

No visual response. Not an eye-roll, or even a scowl, other than the one he was already wearing. He really wasn't going to give anything away. "I'll be more specific. Yukito is-"

I held up my hand, signaling for him to stop. "Will he remember any of this?" I wondered for two reasons. First, because I was going to censor myself if he did. There were some things I wanted him to hear directly and not through Yue. And secondly, because if this went badly, I wouldn't want him knowing that I'd made a complete ass of myself.

"Not if I don't want him to."

"And do you?"

"It depends."

"On what?" Keep stalling, Kinomoto. He'll never catch on! Pfft. Idiot.

The best part of this childish exchange was that I irritated Yue enough to crack his stoic façade. He sighed audibly and held out his hand. A cold gust swirled over his palm, forming a glowing orb, and several ice crystals instantly materialized. With subtle manipulation, the jagged shards were pointing at me. "If you'd rather do this the hard way...."

I held up my own hands defensively. "No, I understand quite clearly now. Thanks for the visual aid." The crystals vanished, and he lowered his arm to his side. If he wanted to clear the air, whatever that meant, then I was going to address my own issues. We hadn't talked much, and if that was hindering my relationship with Yuki in any way, then I needed to get this out in the open. "Do you like me at all?"

He looked almost taken aback by such an inquiry. His eyes shifted to the side as he considered my question. Did he really have to think about it? A simple yes or no wouldn't require extensive deliberation. After several deathly silent seconds, his silver gaze came back to me, and he answered, "I don't dislike you."

Well, let's all have a party. "Gee, I can't tell you what that means to me," I said, sarcasm dripping from every word.

"Do you like me?" he asked flatly.

Again, it was a simple question with no simple answer. I didn't dislike him. We'd had such little interaction that I hadn't formed much of an opinion. We had no relationship to speak of. It was odd that I could be so close to Yuki without ever learning more about Yue. Odd because Yue was Yuki, and yet, he wasn't. Two separate consciousnesses, two separate appearances, but just one body. One a projection of the other, yet independent of his true nature. This was the kind of conundrum philosophers would drool over, but it made my head hurt to think about it. "I don't know you," I evaded. It was the truth, though not really an answer.

"Precisely," he said with an arrogant nod. "My feelings are irrelevant." I wasn't sure how we'd reached that particular conclusion, but I wasn't going to be able to dwell on it right now. "This is about Yukito."

That was true enough, but weren't they.... Forget it. Even with a full night's sleep, I'd never be able to wrap my mind around this. "Is he upset with me?"

"He is... confused."

Join the club. "And it's my fault, isn't it?" I'd finally dropped the sarcasm from my tone. Instead it was filled with regret and worry. I'd never meant to hurt Yuki by acting on that ridiculous impulse, but in those few seconds, I'd thought that he was feeling the same thing I was.

"It's no one's fault," Yue replied, surprising me by making his tone gentler as well. "But, if you're not serious-"

"Have you met me? I'm always serious." Even I didn't know if I was being sarcastic or not. God, I needed more sleep.

"Nevertheless," he continued, glaring at me for interrupting, "you need to be careful."

"I know." Those two words had meaning beyond this superficial conversation. We were dancing around the subject at hand, but we both understood the underlying context. With those words, I was basically admitting my feelings, which he'd apparently already surmised. The only one left out of the loop was Yuki. And it was time to tell him.

He nodded again, and then closed his eyes. His head was cocked just slightly to the side as if listening to something in the distance. "He's awake," he said quietly, and there was a soft glow as his snowy white wings spread behind him, taking up much of the space in my room.

"Wait," I said before he could transform. He fixed his silver eyes on me and held his wings in place. "Is that it?"

"What else is there?"

I wasn't quite sure. "What about us?"

He just looked at me for a moment before answering. "I don't understand."

Neither did I. "You and me," I clarified, even though I knew that wasn't what he'd meant.

"Yes, I got that part."

"Do you think we could be... friends?" I sounded like a child on his first day of elementary school. "It might make things easier." It sure as hell couldn't make them any more complicated.

He hesitated just briefly, but it was long enough to make me wish I hadn't said anything. I was trying to understand his point of view. He was just worried about Yuki, and, well, so was I. Like it or not, the three of us were in this together. We all needed to be on the same page. "I don't know if I'll be around enough for it to matter," he answered. My face must have fallen, because he gave me... not quite a half-smile. A quarter-smile? It was probably the most I'd ever get out of him. "But... maybe."

And that was it. His wings closed around him before I could say anything else. He levitated slightly above the magic circle on the floor, and when his feet touched the ground again, Yuki was standing before me in his blue pajamas.

He blinked a couple of times as he adjusted to being the one on the outside again, and he shook his head as if to clear it. "Good morning," he said, trying to inject a bit of normality and cheerfulness into this setting. He ran a hand through his short silver hair and stretched as he got comfortable in his body. "Such a strange way to wake up," he mused with a sheepish smile. "You'd think I'd be used to it by now."

I knew that I was going to have to face him, but everything I'd planned to say immediately vanished from my mind.

"So, what did you two talk about?" Yuki asked when it was clear that my awkward silence was all I had to offer at this particular moment. His tone said that he was trying to tease, but he sounded insecure instead.

"How much did you hear?" That came out much ruder than I'd intended. My own insecurities were in full force.

"Something about you two being friends. Why, was there more?"

"Not really," I lied. Lying for no good reason. What a great way to begin this conversation. "Well, actually, we talked about you."

"Oh?"

He sounded surprised. Well, what else would I be talking to Yue about? Classic literature? World events? Recipes for lemon squares?

"I suppose that makes sense," he continued, looking away, and his cheeks flushed with what was probably embarrassment. "I didn't come across very well last night. I'm sorry about that. Can we just forget it?"

"No."

He sighed but still didn't meet my gaze. He bent down and picked up his blanket, shaking it out and folding it neatly, giving him something else to focus on. I might have done the same, but I wasn't a fidgeter. It was an avoidance tactic, and though I was good at avoidance, this wasn't the time for it.

"Listen, Yuki-"

"I know what you're going to say."

"You do?" I didn't.

He was still fiddling with the blanket instead of looking at me. "You don't need this right now, and that's okay. I know you've gone through a lot lately, and seeing Mizuki-sensei again probably didn't help any-"

It was my turn to cut him off. "But it did." I walked over and snatched the blanket out of his restless hands, tossing it onto my bed. "It made everything crystal clear." In retrospect, that is, but still.

He looked at me now, and I could see both hope and fear in his hazel eyes. There was also a lingering trace of silver, but it quickly disappeared as if its sole purpose was to remind me of what I needed to say.

"Don't you see it, too?" I asked softly. "I can't believe that you don't. I know you felt it. I know you've been thinking about it for the past six hours, just like I've been." I was basing this on all the little clues I'd gotten, from him and from Yue, but when it came right down to it, it was still a guess, and I prayed that I wasn't wrong.

There was still that little bit of fear, but it was slowly being overtaken by the hope. "I think I did," he whispered shakily. "If you're saying what I think you're saying, then I think I did."

"No more thinking," I said. Thinking was good and all, but sometimes you just had to stop thinking and act. I was slowly figuring that out.

I reached out and placed my hand against his cheek, just like I'd done so many times before, but I infused all the warmth and meaning I could into that simple gesture as I closed the space between us.

His eyes were wide, and it seemed like a replay of last night, only this time, we both knew what was going to happen. If there was a time to stop it, it was now. If neither of us wanted it, it wouldn't happen.

But both of us did. If anything, last night had just made us sure of that.

He gave me a tremulous smile as he said, "I-"

I didn't let him get another word out.

It was nothing like a handshake this time. When my lips touched his, there was definite heat. It started slowly, just a hint of the emotions we'd hidden beginning to rise to the surface, but it built gradually until it was like nothing I could have imagined.

His hands were against my chest as if seeking stabilization, and I gripped his shoulders, looking for support myself. It had been a long time since I'd kissed someone like this, and it felt amazing. My heart started pumping faster as his hands clenched, clutching my cotton t-shirt in his fists.

And it just kept going. I opened my mouth to get a better taste, and he shocked me by running his tongue over my parted lips, tasting me first. My heart couldn't keep up, but it was desperately trying to get the blood to the necessary parts of my body so that I wouldn't pass out from the dizzying sensations as I kissed him back. We were both so eager, taking turns exploring and being explored.

It was a good thing that the time for thinking was over, because I couldn't form a coherent thought to save my life. I couldn't even describe what I was feeling. It was just.... God. It was perfect.

We both started to feel the need for oxygen, and we finally broke apart. My arms went around his back, and he let go of my shirt to slide his arms around my waist. It was completely quiet, except for the occasional deep inhaling or exhaling.

Yuki stirred slightly against me, and then his body went stiff as if he just realized something. Oh, God. Was he already second guessing what had just happened? But before I could worry, he relaxed again. Whatever had briefly crossed his mind couldn't have been too bad, because he let out a contented sigh. "I love you," he said softly, lightly rubbing his cheek against my shoulder. "I've wanted to tell you for as long as I can remember."

I held him closer and let out a sigh of my own. A long, relieved sigh. "Me, too," I answered as my fingers idly played with the hair at the nape of his neck. It was true. I'd always chalked up my attraction to him to his moon aura, but that had just been a small part of it. It had always been more. "I love you."

It felt like a weight had been lifted from me. Not that denying my feelings had been a burden, but not knowing what to do about them had kept me in a constant state of confusion and anxiety. I'd been so afraid of putting myself out there, of giving someone the power to hurt me again. But that fear paled in comparison to the happiness I now possessed and was sharing with him.

I'd never actually thought that anything was necessarily missing from our relationship. But you know how they say that you don't know what you have until you lose it? It turns out that the reverse is also true. You don't realize what you don't have until you get it. Then you wonder how you ever lived without it.

He pulled away from me and tugged off his glasses to wipe them on the tail of his pajama top. I noticed they'd gotten a bit foggy, and I grinned, pretty damn pleased with myself. He was trying to avoid my gaze, pretending to be embarrassed about it, but he started chuckling. When he slid his glasses back on, he looked at me, and I could see his hazel eyes shining with amusement and something a little... flirty. I'd seen that look before, but I'd never recognized it for what it was. God, what I blind idiot I'd been.

"So, what do we do now?" he asked.

"We get dressed and go downstairs for breakfast."

He rolled his eyes with a good-natured huff of exasperation. "And then?"

Good question. "I don't know," I replied honestly. It was all different now, and would definitely take some getting used to. And not just for us. "But I guess we'll figure it out."

"I guess we will," he agreed with a mischievous, almost cocky grin. Was there always this side to him?

Because I liked it a lot.

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