Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Wish Unbroken, Dream Unspoken ❯ Chapter 3

Wish Unspoken, Dream Unbroken

Three

A week passed and Touya didn't see Yukito or Yue the entire time. He was walking home from work, listening to the rain tap lightly on the taut fabric of his umbrella. It was the tail end of a summer storm, and the rain was warmer than usual. Despite the umbrella he was still getting soaked as the winds shifted, blowing the rain at different angles from wherever he had been holding the umbrella.

The gray sky was a reflection of his mood--turbulent, dark, and cheerless. He didn't pretend to think it had anything to do with him though because the rest of the week had been bright and sunny. Even now the clouds were breaking apart and the rain was slacking, though the wind continued on as strong as before. He scowled at the timing as he realized the rain would be stopping at about the time he would get home.

It was with a resigned sigh that he turned the corner and looked up at the house. He was already considering shaking off the umbrella and collapsing it, braving the scattered drops that fell sporadically from the sky. Light began beaming down upon him through a break in the clouds, warming him instantly. The light spread, finally hitting the front porch of his house in a brilliant display, illuminating the figure that waited there.

Touya glanced up at the sky with a shocked expression. "You've got to be joking!" The sunbeam was resting directly on Yukito now, like some giant natural spotlight. "Whoever you think you are," he said, still looking up at the sky, "you've got a disturbing sense of humor." He then shook his head and hurried up to the door. The sunbeam had passed on, but the timing had rattled him. That only happened in sappy movies or silly shojou manga, not real life. He hurried over anyway, closing the umbrella as he rushed to his best friend's side.

"Yuki!"

The sunny smile that met Touya after he called out was so bright he wondered if the sun had peeked out between the clouds again. "I was waiting for you, Touya."

The first thing that came to mind was, we need to talk. He couldn't bring himself to say that yet again though after the disaster that had followed those words last time. He decided on a nice, safe remark on the weather, but as he opened his mouth the door opened behind him.

"Onii-chan! Yukito-san! Oh, are you going to be visiting for supper?"

Yukito glanced at Touya first, and then shrugged. "That's not why I came over."

Sakura looked torn as she stood there on the porch, looking back and forth between Yukito and the street. "I was just going to visit Tomoyo-chan, but I haven't seen you in so long, and...." She trailed off, clearly torn.

"If I'm not here when you get back, I promise I'll stop by some other time in the near future, okay?" Yukito kneeled before her, preferring to talk to her on her level when he could. It was a mannerism that Touya had always appreciated in his friend, though it wasn't something Touya would do himself.

"Hai!" Sakura replied cheerfully. She wrapped her arms around Yukito in a quick hug, and then dashed down to the sidewalk. "I'm late, so I'll see you both later, bye!"

They both saw the slight blush that Sakura had, but neither commented. Touya thought that it was considerably less than it would have been just a few months ago, but Yukito had told him about her confession of love and how they had come to a closer understanding since then. Touya had entertained the thought of staging his own confession since that day, but he was certain he would be met with the same gentle let down. It wasn't worth laying his heart on the line for an outcome he already knew would be disappointing. In his own way, he had let go of his own hopes at the same time as his sister. Her disappointment and subsequent happy acceptance had shown him that he could live with what he already had. There were worse things than being in love with your best friend and knowing it could never be returned.

He broke from his thoughts as they walked in. "Dad won't be home until late tonight, so you might as well stay for dinner. I'd rather make something for the two of us than just me." It was a flimsy excuse to try to keep Yukito there as long as he could, but thinking that what they might talk about could drive his best friend away unsettled him.

Yukito just smiled again. "We'll see."

Touya frowned, but there was no help for it. "I'll just shower and change and I'll be right back down, okay?"

Yukito just nodded, his smile never wavering. Touya hesitated at the bottom of the stairs, and then ran up them suddenly, taking them two at a time. He vowed to himself that this would be his fastest shower ever.

The smile vanished as soon as Touya was out of sight upstairs. A soft sigh escaped Yukito's lips as he walked down the hall to the living room. He still had no idea what he was doing, but he couldn't go on like this anymore. He had to do something, he had to say something, he had to figure out where to go from here.

He was tempted to just leave. He didn't know what to say, and he was afraid of what he would say once the words started. Instead he just walked into the living room and sat on the couch with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

If I could, I would force Yue to talk to Touya, but I don't know how. That was the huge hitch in his plans. He couldn't force Yue to do anything; his other half was the one in control. His other self was a complete enigma still. He was aware of Yue's existence, but that was about as far as it went. There were gaps in his memory and strange explanations from his friends, there were pictures captured by Sakura's best friend, but that was all. Yue was a stranger that swept in and took over and left Yukito with false memories and empty dreams as far as he could tell.

He shook his head, driving those thoughts away yet again. It simply didn't do any good to think about the same things over and over again. It had been months since he found out the truth. He had spent too much of that time dwelling on what it all meant and it didn't do him any good. He couldn't change what he was.

It only seemed like moments before he heard the thudding steps of Touya bounding down the stairs. It was hardly enough time to organize his scattered thoughts, but that was another thing he simply had no control over. It was time, no matter how much he wished he could put it off forever.

"Touya, we need to figure out--"

"Yuki, I--"

"--how to get you--"

"--need to tell you--"

"--to talk to--"

"--that I like--"

"What?"

"What?"

They had both spoken at once, trying to say what they had to before they could stop and think about what they were saying, and then at the same time stopped, trying to let the other speak. Neither had the courage to try again right away once they stopped, so they stood there staring, waiting, and wondering what they had each missed when trying to talk.

"This isn't nearly as easy as I had hoped," Yukito finally said softly. He covered his face with his hands once again, trying to think. Before he could stop himself he began saying the first thing that came to mind, hating the words as they came out but unable to stop them. "The reason I said we should wait and see about eating together is because I had hoped I wouldn't be here. I hoped Yue would appear and save me from this awkwardness. I don't know what to do Touya, I just want to help you and I don't know how."

When Yukito looked up, Touya was frozen across the room, standing like a statue in the same position he had been. When he finally began to move, it was as if he was melting slowly. His posture went from stiff to slumped, his face went from shocked to gentle, and his eyes went from piercing and sharp to open and caring. A sad smile began to form there, wry but kind. "Why are you doing this, Yuki?"

Yukito found himself unable to answer. Words danced through his mind, but wouldn't reach his mouth. Why? Because I love you, of course. Your happiness means more to me than my own. I'd do anything for you. Don't you know that by now? Even if it means letting you go, I'd do anything to make you happy.

The silence between them grew as Yukito tried to say those words and tried harder to contain them. He could never say them, he could never speak those words, he would never dream of saying anything like that to Touya. He couldn't say anything else in their place though. He couldn't bring himself to lie.

Finally, he could almost find words to compromise with. What else are friends for? He was almost able to say it when his eyes grew too heavy to keep open and the rug of reality was yanked swiftly from beneath his feet. Yukito had succeeded in forcing Yue's hand.

Yue opened his eyes to see Touya's face flash with irritation. He fought with a sigh, reminding himself that it was the situation, not his appearance that had prompted Touya's response.

Unconsciously, Yue hovered just high enough off the ground that he appeared taller than the dark boy before him, grasping for a way to banish the feeling of near powerlessness he felt. Something about Touya set him off balance, starting with the overwhelming love his other form felt. There were the similarities he shared with the one Yue's heart belonged to...and there were the differences as well. "I suppose it can't be helped," he murmured softly to himself.

"Yue, what's going on?" Touya's voice held a hint of desperation mingled with utter confusion. Yue imagined the situation must be equally confusing and frustrating for all of them, and the expression on Touya's face only reinforced the theory.

"You know that I'm aware of everything that happens to my other half."

Touya nodded in agreement. "I suspected that--it doesn't make sense otherwise."

Yue had assumed that Sakura would have mentioned it, but in hindsight he realized that Touya had treated him the same even before Sakura had been forthcoming with the secret of the cards. "Sometimes it's very confusing," Yue admitted carefully, measuring the weight of each word and wondering if he should even be saying it. Would Touya understand?

He nodded from across the room, then walked a few steps closer. "What can I do? How can I help?"

Their eyes met for one brittle second, but Yue couldn't meet that gaze longer than that. "I heard when you said you enjoyed kissing me."

There was a sharp intake of breath from Touya. Yue decided to go on before he could confuse the issue further.

"I also noticed your reaction to Yukito's idea. He didn't, but I did."

The wary look on Touya's face was easy to understand. Yue simply waited, watching the subtle changes his expression undertook as thoughts chased themselves around in his mind. Still, the underlying tone was hesitant wariness with a clear fear of being misunderstood again. He finally emerged from the inner turmoil enough to ask, "What do you think then?"

Yue found his feet settling on the floor with the weight of his thoughts. He didn't want pretenses or shows of power right now, no matter how automatic such things were for him. Almost as an afterthought he made his wings vanish at the moment his feet touched the floor, but all of this was incidental to what was going on in the forefront of his mind.

"You gave your magic so Yukito would live." Yue was looking down as he spoke, but he caught the sight of Touya nod slowly out of the corner of his eye. He left his gaze directed away from Touya though as he continued, finding it easier to speak as long as he didn't have to look into the other boy's eyes. "He is convinced that you like me, but you look at both of us the same way. Even without magic you treat Yukito like he is the most important person in your world. That is what I think. I don't know anything about love, my heart belonged only to Clow, but if I had to guess I think you feel that way about Yukito. If it's not that kind of love, I'm sorry for misunderstanding, and please forget everything I just said."

His eyes were still glued to one spot of the floor. He couldn't believe he had said all of that; it had been a very long time since he had spoken that much at one time. It made him nervous to share such personal observations with someone like Touya, but in a way he felt like he owed it to him and to Yukito for what he had done. Yue remembered with some sense of irony how he had complained to Keroberus about the hardship of living within a false form whose heart was so different from his own. He had realized since then, by watching the world through Yukito's eyes, that without the memory of Clow he would just as easily have fallen for Touya. It was the same heart, but with different memories.

He heard the soft sounds of movement, the rustle of fabric and the pad of feet against the soft living room rug. Touya was coming closer, but it still caught Yue by surprise when he felt firm but gentle fingers guiding his chin upward. His eyes automatically sought out the dark eyes of the boy he could so easily love.

Could? The increased rate of his heart and the shallow nature of his breath gave him the hint that he had moved beyond the mere realm of possibility. He had seen the full spectrum of emotion behind those eyes that now bore into him with such intensity. He had tried to hide, he had tried to disassociate himself from his other self, but at this proximity there was no denying that the emotions were the same. Yue was every bit as much in love with Touya as Yukito was.