Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Wish Unbroken, Dream Unspoken ❯ Chapter 12

Sakura looked up at Eriol, once innocent green eyes tainted with more wisdom than he had wanted to see her bear at this age. She had been through too much, and so much of it was at his hands. She bore it beautifully for her age, but at this moment Eriol wanted nothing more than to take it all back. How would she have grown without the cards? What kind of person would she be now? The sadness and weariness would not be so pronounced. The pain she bore would not pull at the corners of her mouth and redden her eyes. Her shoulders would not now be rounded and hunched as if the weight of the world bore down upon them.

But then, she stood up tall and smiled. All the stress and depression rolled off of her, and she looked untainted by events. "Don't worry, Eriol. It will all be absolutely alright, remember?" She reached over and grasped his shoulder.

Eriol's eyes widened, and a smile tried to emerge past the shock. "Your invincible spell."

She nodded, pulling her arms in to clasp her hands in front of her heart. "I can still feel Mirror's essence. It's just a little, but I can feel her now." Tears once again began to shine in her eyes, but they were tears of hope.

"What about Yue? And Yukito?"

Her smile did not falter or fade. "It's a good idea. I don't want to risk using any more magic tonight, I need to regain my strength and I want to hold onto Mirror's essence. It's so weak right now, any spell could drive her from me, but if I can just sleep tonight--"

"It's okay for me to do this then?"

Sakura smiled reassuringly. "I trust you. You love him as much as I do, and I know it." She wrapped Eriol in a tight hug, leaning her head on his shoulder. "We both underestimated the depth of Yue's pain. Neither of us knew things would come to this."

He couldn't help but hug her back. He wanted to argue with her, tell her that he should have known, he should have done something different, but this one little girl was so full of hope and light that he couldn't help but be buoyed by her spirit. This was why Clow Reed wanted her to have the cards in the first place. He would have to have trust in her, just as she trusted him.

"Thank you," he whispered into her hair.

Eriol's spell took five hours to cast. Everyone else in the house had drifted off to sleep by the time he was finished, and even the living room where Eriol had been working was filled with gentle snores. He finally allowed himself to sink to his knees under the weight of the exhaustion he had been fighting for the last two hours. In the middle of the floor, still wearing his hat and clutching his staff, he sank lower until sleep claimed him as well.

Yue knew it was a dream plane immediately. He opened his eyes, ready to expect anything. He was met with his strongest hope...and greatest fear at this point. Yukito.

His other half was on the "ground", hunched over, holding his knees against his chest in a classic position of hopelessness and depression. He sat there as if he would cry into his arms, but he simply stared blankly. Yue moved closer hesitantly, and Yukito flinched.

Yue cautiously sank to his knees next to Yukito and waited a moment. He didn't know what to say. He was the one who had wanted this so much, but now he didn't know what to do with the opportunity. He kneeled, pensive, wanting to reach out to the hurt snow bunny, but terrified that he could only make things worse.

"I never wanted things to be this way," Yukito finally murmured. "Everything just went out of control."

Yue nodded, understanding full well that his counterpart could never have wished to cause anyone so much pain. "What was the truth Sakura wanted? The one you would rather die than say."

Startled amber eyes flew up to stare at the slitted violet gaze Yue had leveled on him. A mirthless laugh shook his chest dryly and the corners of his lips twitched. "That's what it looks like, doesn't it? That I was keeping secrets? You know me better than that, Yue."

The judgment maker shook his head slowly. "No, I don't think I do know you that well anymore. If I had any real idea of who you are, none of this--"

"As you will," Yukito shrugged, looking resigned.

Yue stopped cold. He never expected such cold hopelessness from Yukito, of all people. He simply stood, blinking for a few moments, then took a tentative step forward. "What are you trying to say?"

"You haven't figured out what this is about yet, have you?" A smile played at the edges of those lips, looking entirely unlike any expression Yukito would use. Something about it was sending shivers up Yue's spine, sending off warning signs, but he didn't see whatever it was he was supposed to have figured out already.

"You're right. I'm at a complete loss. What are you talking about?"

Yukito shook his head sadly. "It's not that easy. You have to realize it yourself." He stood back, arms crossed over his chest, frowning into the distance.

Yue knew that stance. It was something very familiar to him, though not to watch from the outside. Yukito was imitating his mannerisms. He was doing it in such a precise manner that it couldn't be mocking, it had to be natural, somehow.

A trickle of suspicion began to play at the edges of his mind. "You figured out something that should be easy to me, didn't you?"

Yukito opened his mouth and immediately shut it. "It's different when you're in the background. You can concentrate on things while the world moves on that you can't while you're interacting. You've been busy." He smiled for a moment, and it was a look so touched with sadness that it broke Yue's heart. He knew that smile as much as he knew the borrowed stance.

"You're doing it on purpose," Yue blurted out suddenly, surprising himself.

Yukito barely moved, hardly breathed, but an eyebrow was raised eloquently to encourage further response.

"You're acting like me."

This time Yukito began to shake his head, sadly. "I'm not acting. You still don't understand."

He wanted to react angrily at first, but this was too intriguing of a puzzle. It was an irresistible enigma, so he sat and contemplated it for a while. This wasn't an act. Yukito was behaving in ways he just shouldn't be acting, but it wasn't an act. He smiled while he let the challenge set his mind working...and thus found his first clue.

The smile.

He'd been finding it easier and easier to smile since they had become switched. He thought before that it was simply a side effect of being in love, but now he wondered. He didn't have experience with this strange emotion, so he didn't know for sure how much of it was influenced by love, or how much of it was something else entirely.

"I know that look on your face," Yukito said softly, smiling gently. "You should realize that I remember how it feels to use that expression, but we are not simply the sum of our memories. Eriol either didn't realize this, or didn't remember it when he cast his spells."

"He switched our memories, but nothing else? That's the spell he cast?"

Yukito nodded slowly, looking infinitely sad. "The wisdom and experience to be able to be you is locked in your memories. You came to terms with your circumstances, even if you weren't entirely happy with them."

Yue was stunned for a moment with realization. "You were still trying to cope with your own problems, then suddenly had to deal with mine also."

"In a manner of speaking," Yukito shrugged. "Maybe it was a whole set of new problems on top of both of our problems. I don't know how to think about it. I don't think that they should be just 'your problems' and 'my problems' anymore. They're our problems. We're making them worse by not helping each other."

Yue nodded thoughtfully. It would take some getting used to, it would take a lot of adjustment for both of them. "The first thing we need to do is tell Eriol to end the spell."

"Yes."

"What do you plan on doing next?"

The snow bunny's eyes widened. His mouth fell open slightly, then a look of pain crossed his face. "You mean about Touya?"

Yue waited for Yukito's reply, silently showing that it was a question with an obvious answer.

Yukito finally sighed. "I don't know. I love him, and I think I always have. It's not enough to just love him though."

A bit of a smile pulled at the corner of Yue's lips. "Why not?"

The landscape of the dream realm swirled chaotically for a moment before resetting itself. Yukito had his eyes closed, frowning deeply, but when he opened his eyes there was a question written clearly on his face. "I don't know. Every objection I have seems flimsy now, like a little kid making excuses. I need to think about this...."

Yue reached a hand out to Yukito. "So talk to Touya about it. When you're done with that, talk to me about it. I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you."

The mortal shell took the immortal's hand for the first time, and they found each other smiling the same smile. "We'll be able to talk?"

Yue nodded. "I'll find a way, even if I have to leave you notes."

"Your optimism is contagious."

Yue smiled and cupped Yukito's cheek gently. "It's your optimism. I'm only borrowing it for a time. Share it with me when this is over?"

Yukito grinned, nodding.

The walls of their dreamland fell away.