Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction ❯ Yukito's Little Secret ❯ Yuki no Baka ( Chapter 13 )

DISCLAIMER: I do not own CCS or any of its characters. CLAMP does. This plot is a product of my imagination. Any similarities to other fan fictions are unintentional.

YUKITO'S LITTLE SECRET

By bishounen lovah

Chapter 13

She landed roughly on the small balcony of her two-story apartment. After sliding the door open, she stumbled blindly across the room and fell on her hands and knees. A single drop of tear fell on the floor just as the soft glow started to envelope her as she changed back to her false form.

Baka! I am such an idiot!

She chided herself vehemently, emphasized by several punches on the floor. She had not expected this. Stupidity and overconfidence had blinded her. She thought everything was at her own pace and did not heed the warnings. That incident weeks ago should have tipped her off but she kept putting everything off, thinking that things couldn't get any worse.

But things did get worse.

And Touya's bound to be furious with her right now.

She would never forget that look on his face, not if she lived a couple more centuries. There was shock at first then disbelief then confusion. But it was the hurt that scared her. That look that spoke of betrayal. Not his but hers, for she did betray him. Much more than she ever did before.

Her life had always been a lie even before this transformation occurred. And Touya knew about it. He was not surprised when Yue first appeared during Sakura's final judgment because he knew more than Yukito ever did. Yukito did not lie to him for he himself was not aware of his true self.

But would Touya forgive her now? She doubted it, for her lie was so blatant that he might think that she made a fool out of him. Well, in a way she did but it wasn't intentional. Then again, the lying part was intentional but it wasn't intended to make a fool out of him or anyone else for that matter. The only fool that came out from this entire mess was she.

She was a fool for wishing for something so complicated knowing that the thing she desired most was unattainable. A fool for hiding her transformation from him. A fool for thinking that she could get away with such a lie.

A fool for thinking that being a girl would make him fall in love with me.

The greatest fool...that you are! Her conscience chided her. If he did fall in love, it was with Yukino not you.

But I am both.

Not in his eyes.

I don't care! At least I got to be in his arms even just this once.

And that's what makes you a fool--trading lifelong friendship for a moment of infatuation.

And then she felt numb with regret. Regret on letting her emotions take over years of wisdom. Why did regret always have to come in the end? In every creature there was always something that warned him that he would regret everything in the end. Why couldn't anyone heed that warning?

But it was too late now. No use in wasting time for regret. What was done was done. It was time to accept the consequence of her actions. Time to rectify the damage that had been done.

But how?

Slowly she got up and went back to the balcony. There she saw the full moon staring back at her in mock resignation. It was as if it was taunting her with its presence.

Why didn't I feel it?

Because you chose to ignore it just to be with him.

Well, she can feel it now. Its cold power running through every part of her body but was not as overwhelming as the power of the stars.

Sakura.

The transfer of power was complete. No longer could she feel Touya's because her mistress' own replaced it. For a brief moment she forgot about her problem and hoped that the girl was safe. The transfer of power was generally a safe act but it would render the donor weak despite how strong he or she was. And Yukino knew that Sakura was not that powerful. She had just recently developed her powers and her body might not be able to take the change.

I must warn Keroberos. If she knew her brother well (which she did), he was probably busy stuffing his chibi face with food to notice the play of auras. She went down to the living room and reached for the phone. Just as she was about to lift the receiver she noticed the calendar that Kero knocked down, littered on the table. His words earlier that evening came back to her.

Ne, Yukino-chan, what date is today?

No way! You can't go out with him tonight.

You can't go out! Especially not with him! Tonight is...

"A blue moon," she whispered as she fingered the box with a full circle drawn on it. "Kero tried to warn me but I didn't listen again. Baaa-ka."

She dialed her brother's mobile number, bracing herself for the 'I told you so' that was bound to crop up. After six rings he picked up. "Yukino-chan."

The tone of his voice told her that he already knew. What surprised her more was the obvious sympathy that was present in his voice. "You knew this was going to happen."

"I suspected it coming. And don't you try to blame it on me. I did try to warn you."

"Aa. That you did," she sighed and leaned tiredly against the wall. "Are you with Sakura right now?"

"The gaki and I just got her home. He's tucking her in bed."

"Is she all right?"

"Aa but I reckon she'll be tired for a couple of days. She knows you're near. She felt you."

"I'll deal with her later."

"Ne, Yukino-chan, daijoubu?"

A minute of silence passed. "I don't know. Is...Is he there?"

"Nah. My guess is if you parted ways in a not so good manner then he's going to end up at your doorstep soon."

"Then I'd better prepare myself."

"That you should. Ne, ganbatte."

"Kero-chan...Thanks...for everything." She placed the receiver back on its cradle and mused again. Luck. She needed a lot of those as well as courage.

And then she felt it.

Touya's aura was fast approaching and soon a car screeched to a stop in front of her apartment. She froze on the spot, not being able to prepare for the confrontation and his anger. Footsteps were heard and then the bell rang. She didn't answer it...couldn't answer it. The bell rang again followed by several loud knocks.

"Open up, Yukito! I know you're in there!"

Oh, God. He surely doesn't waste any time. She took deep breaths to calm her already overactive heart then went to open the door before he woke any more neighbors. It just took her a nanosecond to realize the magnitude of his anger. He had probably worked himself up all the way here. She couldn't look straight into his eyes because of fear of what she might see there. So she glued her eyes to the floor and mutely stood aside to let him in.

She followed him in and stayed on one side while he paced all around the room. This is it...the moment of truth. The problem is where to begin...

"What the heck's going on, Yukito! Or are you going to deny that you're him? Because let me tell you, it won't work. Not anymore."

"No, I know it won't. I'm sorry, Touya."

"I don't want your apology just yet. What I need is an explanation. What happened in England? Did Hiiragizawa put you up to this?"

She shook her head vigorously. Though she lacked the badly needed courage right now, she was not cowardly enough to let others take the blame no matter how tempting it was. There was no other way to do this. All she can do was tell the truth and await his judgment.

Wasn't it funny how the tables turned on her? The moon guardian, the judge of the rightful owner of the Clow Cards, will be judged by a mere mortal if she would be worthy enough to be his friend again. But he's no ordinary human...he's the man I love.

She sat on one of the chairs and waited for him to do the same. She still didn't dare look up at him especially since disappointment was written all over her face when she noticed that he took the farthest seat from her. She played with the fabric of her dress for a while then forced her nervous fingers to be still.

"I made a mess of things, didn't I? I kept on making one stupid mistake after the other."

"I wouldn't know anything about that, would I?"

Yukino couldn't help but wince at the cold words. This has got to be the worst day of her life yet. "I...I made a wish."

"Eh? You what?!"

"I wished to be a girl...and I didn't know there was a meteor shower...then I woke up the next day...like this."

"NANI! THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS!" He jumped up from his seat and started pacing again. "You're telling me you wished on a falling star and actually got it? Have you lost your mind? And of all the things...why wish to be a girl?!"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU DAMN IT!!!"

That stopped Touya in his tracks. Neither Yukito nor Yukino had yelled before and certainly not any cuss words. But it wasn't those that caught his attention. It was the 'love' part of course.

"You what?!" The incredulity was still there but she couldn't guess if it was a good or bad thing.

Probably bad. She hid the pain beneath a determined look. He now knew and there was no going back. She met his eyes squarely and mustered all of her courage.

"I love you, Touya. I've loved you for a long time. I was afraid you wouldn't love me back because I'm a man."

"But why didn't you just tell me in the first place instead of leading me on?"

"I was scared. I made that stupid wish because I was scared you wouldn't love me back...wouldn't give me a chance. And I didn't tell you about whom I really was because I was scared you would think I'm some kind of freak. I couldn't take that."

She tried very hard not to cry. Touya could/would no longer look at her and was glaring at a painting. It felt like there was this invisible wall between them and she couldn't do anything but speak her heart and pray that her words didn't fall on deaf ears.

"You and Sakura are the only people I've got. I'd do anything for your approval...to get your love. Touya, you're the only person that could complete me. I was so confused...I still am. It felt like any move I make would cause our friendship to end. And that's what scares me most."

She could see the confusion and emotions warring on his face. And she couldn't help but think that even with that scowl on his face, he was still the most handsome man she had ever seen. God, how I love him!

Her heart was ready to burst with love and anticipation. She had said everything there was to say. Had bared her soul to him. Would he forgive her? Would he love her back?

No, it wouldn't matter anymore if he didn't love her back. What was important was forgiveness. She'd be content on just being his friend again, that is, if he would still let her.

"Yuki-"

Her body froze at his hesitation. She waited for him to continue and watched him tousle his hair time and time again.

"I...I can't-"

And her heart was shattered into a thousand pieces as it was smashed against the closing door.

To be continued...