Case Closed Fan Fiction ❯ When Pandora's Box Is Opened ❯ Tears ( Chapter 81 )

Chapter Eighty-One

Tears

“Hakuba-kun?” Akako said in surprise as the blond kokosei-tantei appeared at her library door.

“Nakamori-san and I ditched,” he explained, dropping his book bag by the door. “She went to see Kuroba, and I came to see how you were doing... you seem to have something on your mind. Do you... want to talk about it?”

“If what Lucifer said is true,” Akako thought, “then there's one chance... one way to stop them... but...” she clenched her hand around the scars on her wrist. Could she do this?

“You got magic because you were weak. I found magic because I was strong. I didn't run from my memories. I looked back on them, looked them full in the face, and said, “I'm stronger now.” You can run from your mistakes... or you can learn from them.”

“Well, if you do...” Hakuba said after a long period of silence. “It's really very cathartic to talk to someone, you know.” He glanced around the library. “Your library certainly has some... unorthodox tomes. Have you found anything about Pandora yet?”

“There's nothing out here,” Akako said softly. “But there might be... in here.” She tapped her temples.

“What?” he said, narrowing his eyes, “You know something?”

“I don't know it,” she said. “I...” she took a deep breath. “Do you know how witches come to be?”

“Actually, up until a while ago I didn't believe in them at all, so not really,” Hakuba admitted, sitting down in the chair across from hers. “In western mythology, it's people who traded their souls to Satan for power.”

“It's something like that,” Akako said. “But not everyone can make the trade. He takes your memories too, you see. They have to be giving you so much pain that you'll take any way out. You have to scream for Lucifer from the very depths of your heart. The second you cry a single tear, the magic vanishes and your memories return... and Lucifer doesn't do second chances.”

“That's why you hesitate,” Hakuba said quietly. “You think you know the information that we need, but to get it you'll also regain something that hurt you so bad that you sold your soul... and even tried to commit suicide.” Akako jerked her head up. “You've been clutching that wrist for a good ten minutes and you always wear long sleeves. It's easy to deduce what scars you're hiding.”

“Yes,” she said. “I think... I think I tried to take the normal out, suicide, and it failed. That's when Lucifer came to me.” Her voice was trembling, and she closed her eyes, fighting the forbidden tears. “I want to help... you and Kuroba-kun and Aoko-chan and Kudo-kun and... everybody... I want to help so much, but... I'm so scared... what hurt me that badly? I'm so scared to know...”

“It's your choice, Koizumi-san,” Hakuba said. “I long to know how to destroy that cursed thing, but I cannot condone the destruction of a person to do so.”

The tears fought to come even stronger then. “I have what he needs to bring those who killed his father to justice, yet he'd still forsake that information… for my sake…?”

“People who care…”

“I...” Akako clenched her fists. “I... I want to try and remember. I think... if I can be stronger now, like I wasn't before... maybe... I can remember without so much pain. It might not destroy me if I have something else to hold onto. I'm sure I had nothing back then. But now I have you and Kuroba-kun and Aoko-chan... don't let me forget that, all right? Can you stay here with me while I try? Please?”

“I'll stay,” Hakuba promised. “I won't let you forget why you're doing this. I won't forget why you're doing this...” he stood again, walking over to stand by her chair, to be nearer. “Thank you.”

Akako forced a smile. “You're welcome.” Then she let go, allowing the tears to fall and open the Pandora's Box of her heart.

And releasing evil.

The lights in the room went out, and everything was suffused with a hot red glow. She vaguely heard Hakuba yelp in surprise, but so much louder was the screaming, as her whole life happened to her at once. And the screaming was coming from her.

P-please! Please give me a chance! I never meant to... no... no! AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUGH... aah.. no... pl-pl-please...

Do it already. They sent you to kill me, right? So do it!

Keep this a secret. They can't ever know...

Traitors are not tolerated!

Onee-chan, why?

It's your choice. So what'll it be?

You can't ever escape...

Akako screamed, all the screams at once, her screams, her brother's screams, her parent's screams, the screams of the people she'd killed, all at once, all of it tearing into her... murderer, betrayer, prisoner...

“You've left Him, have you?” she heard her servant- no, it was a youkai gaoler now, come for her- hiss behind her. “Silly girl! You knew what'd happen if you cried...” Then it yelped. Through her tears, Akako forced her head up, and through her shaking, burning vision she saw Hakuba, standing with one of the ornamental swords from the wall, watching the youkai shrink back with cold eyes.

“Seems like good old mortal steel works on this thing,” he said. The sight of the sword just wrought more screams from Akako as she pressed her head into her arms, trying to hide from the sounds, the images, but she couldn't, it was all her fault...

“Koizumi-san? Koizumi-san!”

That wasn't her name, was it? She'd made it up... her real name... her real name was...

“Koizumi-san? Akako!”

Akako looked up at that; that was really her first name at least. Hakuba was shaking her shoulders now, trying to get her to look at him.

“Akako!” he demanded. “Look at me. Come on. You said you could fight it, right? You can be strong!”

“I c-can't,” she sobbed. “You don't know what I am, what I've done... I'm a monster... I'm... I'm...”

“You're not a monster,” he said sternly. Akako laughed wildly, madly, tears still streaming down her cheeks. He thought he meant that! He had no idea, did he? None at all... he didn't know...

“I'm a killer,” she whispered. “So many times... so many people... I can't even remember their names, not even their dying faces. It was never important. Doing the job, doing it right... that was all that mattered. Like a game. Kill one, and you'd go back and get another file, and there'd be another face, someone else to watch for a few days, learn their routines, learn their habits, and then decide how to kill them... oh, a good death, one that looked like an accident... it was such fun.” Hakuba's face was unreadable, but she knew what he was thinking. He was a detective. He hated killers. Better than anyone, he knew what a monster she was. He'd know now. “Sometimes I killed them in their sleep, which wasn't as much fun because they didn't scream... some screamed or cried or begged... it was so pathetic, so funny, like ants...”

“Why did you kill?” Hakuba asked. She smiled mirthlessly.

“How did I come to this? Because I was told to,” she explained, on the edge of hysteria, watching his tawny eyes, waiting to see the penny drop within them. Waiting to see the realization, the revulsion. “That was the way it'd always been. My parents had been doing it since long before I was born. I was born to do it. It was all I knew... killing and the stories.”

“Stories?” Hakuba asked. She nodded, almost dreamily. He must understand now. He was just curious. Detectives always were. Detectives had to know.

“My parents,” she said. “They worked for an executive who told them stories about a jewel of immortality. I remember them all, now. But then they killed my parents. They were traitors.”

“Who are “They”?” Hakuba asked. “The people you and your parents worked for?”

“You know,” Akako laughed. “Them! The Shadow Syndicate. The people who killed your father... I'm one of them! Isn't that funny?” Hakuba flinched. Of course he would. Now he knew that she was the enemy.

“They weren't supposed to know, you see,” she said. “They told me they were going to look for the jewel, even though they weren't supposed to know about it. That was against orders. They were tried and put in a gas chamber. We heard them screaming as they died, my little brother and I. He was sad. I didn't want him to be sad, so I told him that it was all right because they were traitors. Then I went to kill that man.”

“What man?” Hakuba asked quietly.

“Oh, I can't remember,” she said offhandedly. “Names never mattered. But he was different from the others. He saw me pointing a gun at him and shot it out of my hand. He beat me down in hand-to-hand combat. I thought he was going to kill me. I wanted him to. I'd failed, and that was bad. I'd be killed if I went back a failure. But he talked to me. He asked me how old I was. I said seventeen. He asked me if I'd killed many people. I said I couldn't remember how many. He was a detective, I think, and I thought for sure he'd arrest or execute me. But he suddenly looked very sad, and said he felt sorry for me. I couldn't understand what he meant. Then he walked away and left me. They were angry, you know, like I said. They hurt me, and they made me watch when they hurt my brother, and they said we'd both die if I failed again. I didn't want them to kill him. So I went back to kill the man, but suddenly it was hard. The man was different. He wasn't afraid to die. He only said that it was sad that They used a child to do such monstrous things. He killed himself when I cornered him. He said he wouldn't put more blood on my hands. It was strange. He hadn't cried or begged. He hadn't been afraid to die. I was. I was so afraid that They'd found out that it hadn't been me that killed him, and they'd kill my brother and me. I was so afraid. For the first time, I was so afraid.”

“You should be,” the youkai hissed. “You're a murderer, a traitor, a monster...”

“And you're not helping,” Hakuba said, slashing at the youkai again, driving it and its whispered truths away from Akako. “Akako... what happened then?”

“I was afraid, and then in my dreams it wasn't my brother I was afraid for,” she said, a little distantly, letting the flood of memory flow out of her mouth on its own, her mind too consumed with self-hatred and fear. “I saw their dying faces again. I heard the screaming. Every night, all of them screaming, like the man had broken a dam in my head. I saw that I had hurt so many people like the Syndicate had threatened to hurt me. I realized what I was. I was a monster. I wanted to run away. I told my brother, but he refused. He said that was bad, being a traitor like our parents. He wouldn't come with me. He didn't care about me. He belonged to Them, like I once had, but I didn't anymore and I was afraid because I didn't know where I belonged. And even though he didn't care about me I cared about him, and I knew that if I ran they'd kill him and then they'd kill me. I was going to die at their hands sooner or later, and the voices were screaming all the time, even when I was awake... I wanted to make them stop, I wanted to make them all stop...”

“So you tried to kill yourself,” Hakuba said, touching her wrist. She nodded, burying her head in her hands again.

“I couldn't even do that right,” she sobbed. “They found me, and they said they'd punish me for trying to run away... I had nothing, and it all hurt so much, I wanted any way to just make it stop... then the fiery creature came to me in my dreams...”

“And you gave him your memories,” Hakuba said. “You gained dark power, and immortality... because if you can't look back you can't move forward.”

“But now it's all gone,” she said bitterly. “The screams... I can hear them all again, and I'll never be able to die, and every day and every night I'll hear them, and the youkai will remind me what I am so I don't forget... I don't deserve to forget... I deserve this... forever and ever... I'm a monster...”

“That's the youkai talking,” Hakuba said sharply, dropping the sword and grabbing her shoulders. “It's not the way it has to be.”

“It's the truth,” Akako whispered.

“No it's not!” Hakuba said, surprisingly viciously, shaking her slightly. “Listen to yourself! You can't blame yourself for something you were indoctrinated into as a child. You could blame yourself if you never thought to change as an adult, but you did change. Even though it only hurt you, you found the strength to change. You made yourself better than Them. You feel remorse for what you did and who you were. You could have forced yourself to forget those feelings and be a killer again, but you didn't. You kept them. You were even willing to take your own life to prevent yourself from taking anyone else's. That's not what a monster would do. And you haven't killed anyone since then, have you?”

“Only because I forgot what I was,” she mumbled. Hakuba pulled her hands away from her face, forcing her to look into his eyes.

“You forgot what you'd done,” he said, “but that didn't mean that who you were changed. You haven't killed anyone since because a killer isn't who you are. Who you are is someone who let a girl that you'd labelled a rival cry into your shoulder. Who you are is somebody who came to my father's funeral and made it rain because you couldn't cry yourself.” Her eyes widened. How did he know that she'd done that? When did he realize? “Who you are is somebody who more than more than once saved Kuroba's hide, even though his very existence was an obstacle to your power. Who you are is somebody who cried, even though you knew that it would put you through unimaginable pain, because it would bring back the memories you needed to help your friends. Who you are is not a monster.” He pulled out a photograph, forcing it in front of her eyes. It showed the four of them, Kaito giving the camera a silly smile, Aoko laughing, Hakuba smiling gently at the camera, and her, in between Hakuba and Aoko, who had one arm around her shoulders, the four of them, together, happy, as New Year's fireworks lit the sky behind them... her friends... the reason she... “Who you are is not alone. Remember? We're your friends.”

“How can you not hate me?” Akako sobbed. “You know what I did-”

“And I don't blame you, not if you feel this much pain for it,” Hakuba said, gentler again, coaxing her back from the edge. “I blame Them, every single day. So does Kuroba, and Kudo, and Hattori. I don't hate you, Akako. I don't see a killer. I see someone who's been hurt just as much as any of us by Them, if not more.”

“You're a fool,” she sobbed, “and you can't speak for Kuroba-kun and Aoko-chan. They'll hate me.”

“They won't,” Hakuba said, “And I can speak for them because they're my friends and I know them. I know them like I know you, because you're my friend too, all right? We're your friends and we understand. Maybe you've done horrible things, unforgiveable things, but you want to make up for it so you can. You can make up for it starting now. We're not going to leave you. You're not alone.”

“He's lying!” the youkai hissed, but now it sounded frantic, urgent. Like it was losing its grip.

“Like its lies are being unveiled,” she thought, dazedly. “I'm... not alone?” she asked. The red shadows recoiled. “Yes. I... I did this for my friends. Because I care about my friends. If I was a monster, I wouldn't care...”

“That's right,” Hakuba said, with the careful air of one talking someone off a ledge. “We don't think you're a monster and we won't leave you alone. I promise. That's what friends are for. You know how I know? Friends get sad when their friends are hurt and friends get sad when friends cry. I feel sad right now.”

“I don't want you to feel sad,” she whispered.

“Then you care,” Hakuba said gently, giving her a little smile. “You're a good person, like I thought. It's all right now. You're not alone any more. The scary part is all over. I promise.”

The shadows had receded entirely, the electric lamps relighting. The youkai was shrinking away, barely seeming larger than the toad that he was, and Akako saw him; he fed off of her fear and pain, but if she found the strength to push past that...

“I found the strength to look back at my past and say, “thank you. I didn't want you, but I have you and that can't be changed. So I'll thank you. Thank you for making me stronger.” I can say that because, even though sometimes it seems like my past will crush me, I won't have to stand against it alone. If there's even one person standing beside me to fight with me, just one person who's standing there and will stay there... suddenly the pain in my past seems so weak. I can be strong for the people standing with me. Even if it's just one...”

Akako burst into fresh sobs, but the tears no longer burned her; they were normal tears, healing tears, tears that must be shed for her to face her past and rise above it. She flung her arms around Hakuba's neck, sobbing into his shoulder. He stiffened slightly, unused to close contact, but he must have known that pushing her away would just have sent her right back; instead he patted her a little awkwardly on the shoulder, just sitting there with her until she had cried every tear that she had to shed.

She didn't know how long they sat like that. It could have been hours or minutes. She knew that if she asked Hakuba, he would probably tell her how long to the second, but she didn't. She relished in just knowing that; in knowing another person, how much less alone she felt. She stood, wiping her eyes.

“Are you ready, Koizumi-san?” Hakuba said, returning to his normal formality now that she was a little more stable. She knew she wouldn't be completely stable until she saw Aoko and Kaito and they didn't reject her, but just having one person beside her gave her the strength to stand. Besides, now she knew how to help them. She could help somebody, not hurt them.

“As I'll ever be,” she said, grinning weakly. “Oh... and I remembered, my name isn't “Koizumi”. It must have been a name the youkai chose. It's Kurosawa. Kurosawa Akako. For clarity's sake, can we stick to “Akako”? Or “Akako-san”, if you must.”

“One must be polite, Akako-san,” he said as he stood to follow her.

“Then I suppose I should say thank you,” she said.

“You don't have to,” he replied.

“I know,” she said, smiling softly. “That's what I'm thanking you for.”

She took his hand and closed her eyes, light enveloping them- white light, rather than hellfire- as they vanished. Behind them, the Koizumi mansion burned to the ground.

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This chapter was inspired largely by the song “The Last Night” by Skillet. “You come to me with scars on your wrist/ you tell me this will be the last night feeling like this…”

I didn't used to like Saguru much, International DCFanficNut 1207, but writing him has made me love him so much more… I think he might be slightly OOC in this chapter, but on the other hand, maybe he's just grown up a lot over the course of the fic… ^_^ and now Akako knows! :D

I think their faces will be priceless, HikariPachi… XDXD Lucky you, only going back now, I've been back three weeks… T_T

AkaixJodie are sweet, Alice Starr… if only they got more canon fluff…

The boy just needs to stop keeping secrets, Marie Ravenclaw XDXD I do too, sometimes… maybe he's a better actor than he thinks XDXD

Tequila was a Black Org member who died in a bombing, remember, Pretztailfan95? He's also named after a world-infamous Mexican liquor. Which is why I wondered whether he would side with Gin or his Mexican master, Don Tacos XDXD

Enough Akako for ya, StargateNerd? ^_-

Glad you're feeling better, Kayla Edogawa. My brain has been plotting this ever since I found that moment where Shinichi suggests using Agasa's car and Shuuichi stops him odd… I don't know, something about that scene just rubs me up the wrong way. And it was more fun than counting bug bites. There was no form of life larger than a midge for several miles anyway, so nobody to see four crazy teenage girls rapping and singing Christmas carols in June XDXD

I've seen you review, nataeiy1. Maybe you're just dozy like me? XD O_o you gonna sleep now? You had the same theory? XD great minds think alike… It could still sorta work, too, methinks… I'm convinced that just about nobody is who they look like. Given how twisted Aoyama-sensei's mind is, Bourbon'll probably turn out to be Kobayashi-sensei or something. (actually… *begins forming twisted theory* XDXD) That's the fun part of using a deeply bizarre overall plot… everything else seems totally rational and sensible after it XDXD

HakAko fluff, lifawn! ^_-

*Bows to KageNoNeko* indeed it is… Akako's big moment!

Can't tell if that was happy or disappointed, A Midsummer Night's Dream XD

Aoko's like everyone's big sister sometimes, FHP2208… ^_^gotta love Shuu freaking everyone out… as he does XD

You're in college, Mel72000? Congrats! I hope you got into where you wanted to go ^_^ glad you enjoyed!

I do not claim to own any of the characters in Meitantei Conan. They are the intellectual property of Aoyama Gosho. All characters, couples and locations, if Canon, will be faithful to the manga, so if you're into fics with weird pairings like Shinichi and Heiji, the back button is at the top there. The fic may not make sense if you have not read up to chapter 698, which you can do at a site called (read between the lines) O/n/e/ma/n/g/a, but I advise you to buy the official Tankoban novels (up to volume 30 are out in English at the time of writing) so that Aoyama-sensei can afford to continue gracing us with his imagination. Now, I hope you enjoy the fic! (If you don't, please see my previous comments re the back button).