Clamp School Fan Fiction ❯ Fallen Angel ❯ Eternal Strength ( Chapter 4 )

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Fallen Angel Chapter 4: Eternal Strength
Jared

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Disclaimer:
The following characters belong to CLAMP and are only borrowed for the fanfic. The song "Learn to do it" was taken from Anastasia.

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Author's note:
For all you folks who want to read the story while listening to the song extracts, please go to this site http://flite.topcities.com/eternal_strength.html

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"Come on, Kaichou. I've got something to show you." Suoh said in a rush. He reached down and gently heaved Nokoru to his feet, half-dragging, half leading him to the door.

"Suoh, wait, wait! Where're we going?" A baffled Nokoru asked.

"You'll see in a moment." Suoh wasn't giving much away.

* * * * *

I was being led at a furious pace. It was all I could do to stop falling over my feet. All the excuses I had tried to make were futile as Suoh insisted that there was something I had to see. See, me? What can I see now? Nothing... nothing at all. All I see is the darkness that lies before me, the eternal darkness that never lightens. I just want to stay in my room and think.

I know, it's childish. One should not wallow in self-pity just because one loses one's sight. It's illogical to let a setback get you down. Yet when you face failure for the first time in your life, you'll wonder how others manage to get back up- it's hard, so very hard. Fighting Idomu and the frustration I felt then was nothing compared to this. I hate myself for being so weak and crumbling when things go wrong, I know what I ought to do... yet I just can't do it. Isn't it ironical? The famous Imonoyama Nokoru, the one rumored to be so intelligent that is even sought by NASA, ultimately lets his weak heart rule his mind. What a joke.

Still, I have to say, Suoh is just about the most stubborn person there is. I've tried again and again to make him give up on me and leave me alone; I failed yet again. Sure, I ought to be glad that I've got such a good friend who believes so much in me, yet he fails to realise that the more he does, the worse I feel. He reminds me of what I was, what I am, what I'll never be... strong like him. His mere presence indicates my failure- my failure to make him despise me and leave.

I feel useless, nothing more than a burden. I can't even make my friend hate me anymore. Yes, I'm losing my touch- I've become useless... Useless, never was there another word which could make me feel so despondent. Useless, it is a word that describes me now. At least one thing's for sure. No one will be targeting me now. Who would want to target someone who can't do a thing? Everyone tries to hide from the blind because they don't know how to react, and I guess it is this fear that will keep me safe.

Should I be happy? This is what I've been hoping for, isn't it? For people not to target me, for me to be relieved of all the responsibilities that have been flung at me, to be seen as imperfect. Yes, I got it all now, so why should I be upset? Why should I still cling onto the past? Humans really are a mystery. You can go on with your life, certain of what you want, finally attain it, and realise that that was never what you really wanted to begin with, desperately trying to return everything back to its original state.

Oh, we're slowing down. That must mean we're getting closer.

I guess I have to think about this later when I'm alone- Suoh wouldn't give me much time to think, eh?

* * * * *

"It's a statue." I have to admit, I was faintly surprised. Suoh brought me all the way here to look at a statue? That is unbelievable! What would I possibly want to travel all the way here to see a statue?

"It was sculpted by Eliath Johns."

I was amazed. Eliath Johns was an art scholarship student at CLAMP campus. That, however, was not the most amazing thing of all- like me, Eliath Johns was blind. Now I understand why Suoh brought me here- to prove to me that being blind does not hamper one's abilities. Yet I was doubtful- Eliath was probably one in a million; how many blind artists are there? Besides, Eliath had made it this far despite being blind- I had not.

As usual, Suoh seemed to be able to read my mind. Evidently, that was not what he wanted to show me. "Here, feel this." He took my hand and placed it on something rough. My fingertips ran over the smooth surface, feeling depressions in the cold, smooth surface where my hand had been placed. It must be metal, and those depressions must be words. I wonder what it says...

I can make out letters, individual letters. It just doesn't make any sense to me, that's all. It's a E, followed by a T, another E... I can't do this, it's too hard. My hand drops from the edge of the metal plate, and I'm ready to give up.

But what's this? A warm hand closing over my own, and guides it back to the wretched plate. Suoh captures my other hand with one of his own, placing it over his own eyes. I try to free myself, but his grip is too strong.

Slowly, he moves my hand across his eyes, and I can feel his eyes are shut- the lashes tickle my fingers ever so slightly. I understand his point- he's going to read it with me.

If I can learn to do it,
You can learn to do it,
Pull yourself together,
And you'll pull through it,
Tell yourself it's easy,
And it true
You can learn to do it too!

I heave a deep breath. This is going to be hard, but I guess the best things always are.

Finally, it came together- "Eternal strength"- the title was eternal strength! And Suoh had brought me here, to see and touch this statue, which was supposed to manifest eternal strength. Is it tears I feel prickling at my eyes?

I finally manage to wrestle myself from Suoh's grip. I feel elated, suddenly I feel stronger, almost as if the statue had given me the strength that it portrayed.

If I can learn to do it,
You can learn to do it,
Pull yourself together,
And you'll pull through it,
Tell yourself it's easy,
And it's true,
You can learn to do it too!
There's nothing to it,
You can learn to do it too!

"Thank you so much, Suoh." I murmured; it was all I could utter, but I had a feeling he knew what I meant- thank you for not giving up on me.