Cowboy Bebop Fan Fiction / Outlaw Star Fan Fiction ❯ Radical Edward: The Missing Link ❯ Chapter 1

Note: Partially inspired by Ash the Wanderer's essay on Saiya-jin mating habits, or something to that effect. It's a good read, really. At any rate, this is something of a crossover between Cowboy Bebop and Outlaw Star.

Summary: An essay explaining how Edward might've survived eating the mutated Ganymede lobster spawn in "Toys in the Attic."

Radical Edward: The Missing Link

The formula?

Take one large, fresh Ganymede lobster, add to a refrigerator, and forget it for one year.

The result?

Trust me, you don't want to know.

But for those of you Cowboy Bebop fans that do know, you might wonder how Ed could eat such a disgusting creature and not get the slightest bit sick. I wondered myself, for a long time.

That is, until Cartoon Network started running Outlaw Star again. Then it just…connected. I'll just come right out and say it, then move onto the explanations.

Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky IV is actually a Ctarl-Ctarl, kidnapped at birth.

Don't think so? Well, just give me a chance to explain my reasoning.

First, let's take a good look at our pal Ed.

Probably the first thing you'd notice is her bright red hair, which, unless I'm very much mistaken, doesn't usually appear on Ctarl-Ctarl females. A reasonable argument, unless you consider the fact that Ed is very…weird? Possibly. I would prefer the phrase "extremely eccentric," and I think Ed might, too.

At any rate, it's safe to assume that in one of her many sudden epiphanies, Ed might've wondered what she'd look like with red hair, and dyed it to find out. Obviously, she likes red. She even named her computer Tomato. Her custom smiley face usually has red cheeks, although this may be because Ed usually has red cheeks.

The next thing you'd probably notice about Ed is her eyes. They're an odd yellow color, putting one in mind of cats and other felines. And what are Ctarl-Ctarl, if nothing more than big, strong, vicious (no pun intended to Vicious or Lady Aisha) cats?

Certainly we've seen that Ed can be vicious when she wants to be. There was that poor fellow she actually bit on board the Bebop. Let's not forget the unlucky black man (one of the few in the entire series, but that's another matter entirely) who Ed attacked on top of a speeding train. The look on her face was definitely one I wouldn't want to encounter. And there was a time when Faye (in one of her many moments of "you peon, me queen of the mega-bitches") attempted to interrupt Ed's chess game and nearly got her finger bitten off.

Ed's skin tone is another matter to consider. For one thing, it almost matches Aisha's exactly. For another, it's missing excess hair/fur. Considering that most normal women only shave in certain…areas, it could be assumed that Ed might shave everywhere but her head, since she is not normal. But let us remember that Ed is only 13, and therefore not a full-grown person and/or Ctarl-Ctarl. It's quite possible that she wouldn't have as fine a coat as someone Aisha's age might. And when you factor in how long Ed has been passing for human, perhaps she just shaves regularly without a second (or even first) thought. It wouldn't really be the first time she did something without thinking (I think eating mutated, POISONOUS Ganymede lobster spawn would fit in there somewhere).

Let's not forget Ed's uncanny agility and catlike reflexes. It is not uncommon for Ed to be seen in positions that would make even the most skilled gymnast wince. Many times she is seen hanging upside down by her ankles, usually because she chooses to. In a few years, she might have even been able to teach Spike something…well, if he hadn't died in the last episode, anyway.

Then there's the fact that with the possible exception of when she pretends to be Jet's kid to fool the hospital guard (*nudge-nudge* *GLOMP!* "Papaaa!"), Ed NEVER wears shoes. You might not think of that as remarkable, but let's face it. The Bebop crew gets in some pretty sticky situations, and to face about half of it without even socks is pretty damn brave. Most notably would be the one or two episodes in which Ed spent a considerable amount of time walking across desert terrain. Those are some tough toesies.

Possibly Ctarl-Ctarl tough…? Maybe. Ctarl-Ctarl ARE freakishly strong, and their hides are difficult to pierce (as Gene once found out). And I can't remember any incidents where Ed got seriously hurt. Everyone ELSE aboard the Bebop, on the other hand, gets shot at/attacked almost daily. Spike practically made mummy garb a new fashion, Jet almost needed another bionic limb, and Faye just seems to attract danger. Of course, she doesn't get hurt as much as the other two, but there aren't very many sane men that would shoot a woman who looks like that.

So Ed definitely has some Ctarl-Ctarl traits in her. But wait. Ctarl-Ctarl are cats, and Ein, Ed's preferred running buddy, is a dog. Strange? Not really.

Obviously, Ein is super-smart, or at least smarter than the average bear…er…dog. Considering how much punishment he usually gets aboard the Bebop, he'd most likely prefer either Ed or Jet's company (though Spike treats him a little better as the series progresses). Jet remembers to feed him, and Ed showers him with love and attention. She did use him as a pillow once without permission, but she was tired and sickly then.

It can be assumed that being so intelligent, Ein would want to associate with someone on his level (or maybe just animal instincts). Since they keep running off to see how close they can come to death (Spike especially), I wouldn't call anyone in the Bebop crew a genius, with the possible exceptions of Ed, Spike, and Faye. It takes a certain amount of brains to swindle so many people. And hacking is hard work (not that I would KNOW or anything, mind you). And since Faye does NOT like Ein (and Ein is on Spike's "top 3 pet peeves list"), that only leaves Ed. They both seem to have a knack when it comes to computers, too. Ein has actually operated a runaway hover car, the Bebop's com system, and navigated online databases with relative ease. And let's not forget that he is a DOG. A data dog, so there's no telling what else he can do. There was even a time when he nearly talked to Spike during the "next episode" bits, but I'm not sure if that counts.

Now let us move on to Ctarl-Ctarl.

Because of their vicious nature in dealing with nearly everything foreign, it can be assumed that Ctarl-Ctarl have many enemies. Therefore, it can also be assumed that these enemies have learned (the hard way) that Ctarl-Ctarl are nearly invulnerable. So how do you hurt a Ctarl-Ctarl? Simple. Attack the one thing that would most likely not be strong enough to protect itself: a baby Ctarl-Ctarl.

But if one did that, one would almost certainly find himself instantly surrounded by several, snarling, vengeful Ctarl-Ctarl family members. Could there be a safer way to attack Ctarl-Ctarl, then?

Yes. Not by physically harming, but kidnapping a baby Ctarl-Ctarl. Certainly they are a rare sight to behold, and would probably fetch a fair price on the black market. Imagine having your very own trained (to not attack you, of course) attack Ctarl-Ctarl. Schoolboys from rich families would be the envy of their chums for something like THAT.

So assuming that there were criminals mean enough, nasty enough, hateful enough, and brave enough to steal a baby Ctarl-Ctarl and then get rich off it, it sounds like the perfect job for an Outlaw…or a MacDougall.

But wait, you might say. Ctarl-Ctarl have the power to transform under a full moon. Ed never does that!

Easily handled. First, it must be noted that Ctarl-Ctarl can only transform when a) there is a full moon nearby, b) they're in a very stressful situation (such as Aisha's fight with Iraga the werewolf), or c) when they want to. Certainly the first and last conditions are mandatory. Personally, I think Aisha would rather fight in her normal form, since it proves she doesn't need all her strength to handle space pirates.

Since Ed probably doesn't realize she's a Ctarl-Ctarl, she would know nothing about transforming. And it should be noted that Ed is rarely outside of the Bebop at night, so she hasn't had many chances to transform. Or, if she CAN transform, she just hasn't had a reason to since joining the Bebop crew. Generally, she can handle herself in a fight with little or no help from Ein and the others.

And, of course, there is one final reason why Ed must be a Ctarl-Ctarl: eating habits. From the way Aisha and Ed eat, it is safe to assume that Ctarl-Ctarl are fairly ravenous around delicious food. From the way Aisha cooks, it is safe assume that Ctarl-Ctarl recipes are not fit for human consumption. They must also have steel stomachs, protecting them from food poisoning of any kind.

No human could eat a mutated (living!) Ganymede lobster spawn, because as you know by now, it would be poisonous to them. Judging from Aisha's cooking, Ctarl-Ctarl regularly eat things ten times WORSE than mutated (living!) Ganymede lobster spawn on their home planet. So naturally human food would be no problem for them.

And that is my reasoning.

If you don't agree, please tell me so in a review (although I must insist that YOU have a valid reason for disagreeing, otherwise I won't respond). I would be glad to respond to any challenges, since I am thoroughly convinced that Ed is a Ctarl-Ctarl kidnapped at birth.

For more possible theories on Ed's mysterious origin, you might look out for my upcoming story, "Hey, Goddess! It's Me, Edward!" (It's a Tenchi crossover, so no Ctarl-Ctarl conspiracy theories there, but cabbits are up for grabs…just kidding.)