Cowboy Bebop Fan Fiction ❯ Chaos ❯ Revelations Of Past And Present ( Chapter 4 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Chaos

By: S-chan

Chapter 4

Jet put a hand on his young friend's shoulder, trying what he could to offer some comfort while at the same time playing the voice of reason.

"I'm sorry Spike," he said quietly, knowing that no amount of apoligizing could MAKE his friend forgive him - Spike would have to do that on his own. "But we can't pass up on this one. We need the money."

Spike opened his mouth to protest, his mismatched russet eyes widening slightly, but Jet cut him off.

"Don't worry, we won't hurt her," he continued, his voice low and somber, as if someone had recently died. "But we have to take her back."

Spike stood there staring at his friend in horror, for once completely speechless.

'I know Jet's not the emotional type,' he thought. 'But that was just plain cold... I never thought he could be so cruel...'

He tried to hide the pain of his breaking heart as he turned away without a word and went back in to join Angel on the couch. She was smiling again, her catlike-green gaze unmistakeably focused on him. When Spike sat down, giving her a faint smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, she curled up by his side. For once, Angel was starting to feel safe. She had been afraid for so long and finally this man had protected her and treated her like a human.

"Spike?" asked Angel uncertainly. "Why did you want to know where I work?"

"Just wondering if it had anything to do with why you're always so scared, even of me," Spike replied tonelessly, staring at a spot on the floor. "Please, I just want to help..."

Angel looked up at Spike with a pleading look in her tear-filled eyes, silently begging him not to ask any more questions.

"I work 'downtown'," she whispered, hoping he wouldn't pick up on the euphemism and leave the topic alone.

"Well where do you live?" Spike persisted gently, leaning back and lacing his fingers behind his head.

He had picked up on the euphemism perfectly.

'Hmph, I'm not totally stupid - however hard that may be to believe,' he thought, more than a little bit irritably. 'Any idiot would pick up on that.'

"W-with my... coworkers..." stammered Angel, tearing her gaze away from Spike's face and bowing her head in shame. "I guess you could call it employee housing..."

"Why do you work there, if you don't mind my asking?" asked Spike boredly, looking away across the room and trying to make it seem as though he didn't care if she answered or not. "Things can get pretty bad in those places sometimes... Gets pretty rough."

"You don't even know half of it," he heard her mutter.

Spike could tell he was getting somewhere, even if it was taking him only a tiny inch at a time. She was starting to give in enough that she might be able to tell him what was wrong. But he could see her shaking again, biting her lip. She had obviously lost all faith in humans, not even completely trusting Spike. There wasn't much use in asking too many more questions. What could he do to make her realize that he would never hurt her?

"You know, I've seen girls who act a lot like you do," he said off-handedly, feeling very awkward - he was still unsure of how to approach the subject. "All of them were different as to circumstances, but the results were all the same. They all had one thing in common..."

"What was it?" asked Angel in spite of herself, her voice almost impossible to hear.

Spike bit his lip and turned to face Angel, wondering if he would regret saying this.

"They had all been robbed of their innocence, their hearts and spirits broken," he continued gravely, deliberately looking down at her hands instead of at her eyes. "They had all been conditioned into thinking they deserved what they got. Inside, they felt stained and believed they were worthless."

Angel's resolve was crumbling - she twisted her hands around, pretending to be very interested in her fingernails. Everything Spike was saying pierced her heart. Her shoulders slumped down in defeat and she sighed sadly. Well, she realized, there was no more hiding it. He had figured out her dirty secret, as she knew he eventually would. Timidly, she looked up at his face and was instantly shocked. Instead of the disgust she expected, his face held what could only be described as grief. With another sigh, she gave up.

"You're right about where I work," she conceded, knowing her euphemism had failed miserably and that she didn't even need to mention the name of what she had been trying to hide. "But what happened to me doesn't matter. I should be used to it..."

Without a single thought until after the fact, Spike covered Angel's delicate, slender hand with one of his own larger ones. To his surprise and hidden relief, she didn't flinch, gasp, or pull her hand away. His heart hurt terribly as he looked down into her beautiful catlike eyes.

"Don't say that!" he told her, his voice holding a pleading note.

"But it's true. I'm nothing but a whore," Angel stated, her soft voice sharp and cold, piercing Spike's deepest heart. "People don't even look at me as human. I'm on the lowest rung of the ladder and I know it. I have nothing... I am nothing... All I can do is sell myself."

Again, without thinking - as was his specialty - Spike wrapped his arms around Angel and pulled her close to his chest, thinking only of warming her. She froze instantly, her heart nearly ceasing to beat. But soon she was soothed by his gentle warmth and the surrounding strength of his arms. With a sad sigh, she relaxed against him. Spike smiled weakly as the girl in his arms laid her head over his heart. Vaguely, he wondered if she could tell it was breaking...

"Don't let them make you think that way!" he murmured, his voice quiet and warm but firm. "I might not be the smartest man out there - in fact, I've done some really stupid things - but even I know you deserve better."

"Believe that all you want," Angel whispered bitterly, hiding her face in Spike's ratty old yellow shirt.

"I do believe it," countered Spike, his russet eyes blazing, though he didn't even know where that response came from. "Please Angel, trust me on this one."

Angel shook her head, shuddering violently in his arms.

"But... the owner has people looking for me," she said softly, her nearly-inaudible voice shaking in fear. "She doesn't want non-members - they're mostly rich businessmen and some underground entrepreneurs - knowing what really goes on in that closed-off hell..."

She sniffled and Spike held her closer, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"Hell, I've probably caught a few of 'em..." he muttered half-heartedly.

"Those were bounty hunters I was running from yesterday," Angel said miserably, clutching at Spike as if he could protect her from her fear. "If they don't catch me, HE will... Oh... I can't go back there..."

Spike tightened his arms around Angel, drawing in a deep breath and saying goodbye to anything resembling reason.

"Then stay here with me," he said quietly, his voice low like a cat's purr. "I'll take care of you."

"I will..." whispered Angel, snuggling closer to Spike's chest.

Spike felt Angel relaxing, going completely limp in his arms as stress and exhaustion caught up with her and she closed her eyes. Soon she was fast asleep, her hand fisting in his old yellow shirt. Spike felt her breath warming his chest through the yellow cloth and felt totally helpless, an unfamiliar feeling to him. Just yesterday this girl resembled a feral cat in a rough part of town, tense and skittish. He had taken her in and promised that he would protect her and that was all it took to get her falling asleep in his arms. And from what it looked like now, he was going to have to fight his best friend to do so.

'Angel... Why do I fuckin' care about you so much?!?' he thought in desperation, trying to keep a hold on some little shred of his sanity. 'I just met you... and all of a sudden... I feel like this... I don't even know why I stepped in to help you! How the hell did I wind up in this crazy mess!?!'

He looked down at the sleeping girl in his arms, at the way she fit her body so perfectly against his, and his grim expression softened just a little. For a moment, he looked at her as if he were seeing her for the first time. The horribly bruised cheek aside, Angel really was a very pretty young woman. When she smiled she looked like a sad-eyed angel. Spike wondered what it would be like if she were to let her smile reach her eyes. He wondered how anyone could look at her face and think it was acceptable to hurt her.

'Why does it feel so... RIGHT for you to be laying here in my arms!?!" he asked her in his thoughts, his mental voice bordering on desperate, pleading. 'For Crissakes, you barely know me! You have no reason to trust me! But a few kind words and you were already looking at me like I could save you...'

Spike bowed his head in grief, finally allowing himself to admit to his emotions.

'But I can't save you, Angel,' he whispered inside his head, trying not to cry in his heart - or visibly, for that matter. 'I can't... But at least you can stay with me for tonight... I'll take care of you while I can.'

Angel shifted just a little bit in his arms, wrapping one arm around him and whimpering sleepily. Spike looked down at her and saw tears trailing down her face. Gently he brought a hand to her unbruised cheek and brushed her tears away. She was shaking again, tears continuing to stream from her closed eyes. Spike had to bite his lip to keep from leaning down and kissing the tiny drops off her skin.

"No... leave me 'lone..." whimpered Angel, flinching away from his hand and sounding as if she were in pain. "Don' do that... It hurts... I'll be good... promise..."

Spike's mismatched eyes widened in an odd mix of emotions. Angel must have been dreaming about what had happened to her. She was crying desperately into Spike's shirt, begging an unknown tormentor to stop hurting her. He still felt so helpless - all he could do was hold her and let her cry. She was safe from the outside world in his arms, but he couldn't do jack to protect her from her nightmares. He wondered if a gentle touch would soothe her. Tentatively he moved one hand up to stroke her back as she clutched at his shirt. More tears soaked into the faded yellow cloth as she pressed her face into his chest.

'Why do I feel like I never want to let you go?' he thought dazedly, running one hand unconsciously through her hair. 'Why do I feel like I'd do anything to protect you?'

He looked down at her shaking form again.

'Damn it, my heart is so stupid!' he thought angrily, though for the first time since he was a kid, he felt close to tears. 'It's telling me to love you...'

In a few minutes, Angel's tears ceased to stream down her face and her whimpers faded away to occasional soft sleepy sounds. She was sound asleep, her grip on Spike relaxing. He was going to lean his head back on the couch and sleep for a while, but Jet came into the room. Spike met his 'friend' with a blank stare. Jet wouldn't, or couldn't meet his eyes. He just looked at Angel and shook his head.

"Why are you doing that, Spike?" he asked wearily, one hand on his forehead. "Don't bother getting attached to her. Being what she is, she'll just hurt you."

"How could you?" demanded Spike, his cold voice hushed and shaking with rage. "SHE'S the one who's been hurt!"

Jet shook his head, though he was quite a bit surprised at Spike's reaction.

"I'm just trying to think for tomorrow," he said flatly. "We have to eat and this is the easiest job ever. Just think of it as another job."

Spike gave Jet a glare so cold that it could freeze lava on the surface of the sun. He felt his chest shuddering and his throat getting painfully tight. He drew a deep, shuddering breath and stood up, Angel still asleep in his arms. Jet actually took a step back when he saw the pure anger in his friend's eyes. Rage glowed in the mismatched eyes for a moment before the handsome face became emotionless.

"I guess you're right... Well then there's no point in dragging this out," growled Spike in a low voice through clenched teeth. "If we're taking her back, let's just do it now."

"What?" asked Jet incredulously, looking at the younger man as if he had gone insane.

"You're right. We need the money. And it'll be easier... on all of us," said Spike, his voice devoid of emotion - except for one break. "At least... I think so..."

Jet frowned at his friend's strange behavior but put up no argument.

"Well, if you're sure," he said, shrugging. "Glad you can finally see sense."

Spike nodded mutely, not looking at Jet or Angel and certainly not trusting himself at the moment to speak. He felt tears stinging in his eyes and fiercely blinked them back. This was no time to get all soft-hearted and sensitive. Jet was completely right, he tried hard to convince himself - albeit without much success, just as he had anticipated. He only needed to look at this as just one more bounty, right? Right. Swallowing hard, Spike tried to resign himself to what had to happen.

'Just another bounty?' he thought, his heart feeling cold and hollow, almost dead. 'Yeah fuckin' right...'

Jet left, muttering to himself. Spike gently laid Angel back down on the couch and knelt beside her. For a moment, he stayed there looking sadly at her sweet face. Right then, something clicked in him that told him it wasn't as hopeless as it looked. Finally he felt a twinge in his heart that reassured him. He stroked her cheek with a shaky hand, leaning in to do what he had needed to do all along. His eyes closed and he laid a sweet, soft, tender kiss on the sleeping girl's lips.

'I think I might have one more chance to help you,' he told her in his thoughts, hoping that she could somehow hear him. 'I hope it works... for both our sakes...'

He had meant for his kiss to just be a soft caress, barely touching her mouth so that he wouldn't wake her. But somehow it became much more than that. His tongue flickered over her lips for a second and a soft sigh escaped her. She was still sound asleep as he slipped his tongue into her mouth for a brief moment. Then he caught himself and dragged his mind and heart back to reality. He couldn't resist one more slow, chaste kiss on her lips before he forced himself away.

"Angel..." he whispered against her lips as he reluctantly pulled back, caressing her face again with his callused fingertips. "Forgive me..."

A single tear escaped from his eye and fell on Angel's unbruised cheek. Spike took one last look at her and brushed the tear off before he stood and turned away. His teeth dug roughly into his lip, drawing blood. He shuddered as he tasted the coppery bitterness leaking into his mouth. Shoving his hands in his pockets, he went back to his room, not letting himself look back. He pushed his door open, kicked it closed, crossed the room and fell back on his bed. He stretched out, closed his eyes and touched his own lips with a badly shaking hand. It was as if he was trying to burn the memory of her taste into his soul.

'Somehow...' he thought hazily as his eyes fluttered open. 'That was nothing like kissing Julia... So much sweeter... And so much warmer...'

Soon he zoned out, staring at the ceiling and going over some hard issues in his mind.