Cowboy Bebop Fan Fiction ❯ Epiphany ❯ Chapter 1

Epiphany

 

It was cold. Climate control was broken (again) on the Bebop, so it was uncommonly cold. And the measly blanket she had wasn't helping. Sighing for the hundredth time in an hour, she shifted uncomfortably in the big, empty bed again and turned on her side. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, she shut her eyes and tried in vain to fall asleep. 2:35. The red numerals flashed across her closed orbs, burning into her brain, and getting on her nerves. She was usually asleep at 2:35; why would tonight be any different? Because he isn't here. She growled low in her throat and gave up the fight she'd been struggling with since ten that night. She really did need him beside her to fall asleep. He was like a giant, warm teddy bear, though at the moment, he'd most likely be more like a grizzly bear.

 

Why'd he have to get so mad anyway? It was just another stupid bounty. Okay, so being in a bar at six months pregnant with shots whizzing around you from every side wasn't such a good idea, but she had come out alright. So she'd busted up her knee a little, and one of her already swollen ankles was twisted, but stuff like that was to be expected when one was sliding across a whiskey soaked floor, dodging bullets, and trying to protect one's pregnant belly. The pregnant ploy, though not really a ploy, worked, though, and she had gotten the bounty, all 145 million woolongs of it. She had, of course, expected a little static from him since she had snuck off without telling, but she never expected him to be that mad…

 

“Where have you been?” His voice was low, dangerously low, and she could tell he was doing his best to keep his anger in check. She chose her words carefully. “Out,” she said quietly. He didn't speak, but merely scanned her over. Stained dress, one ankle more swollen than the other, a nasty bruise on her left knee. She smelled distinctly of Pall Malls and Jim Bean, though he knew she knew better than to smoke or drink while pregnant. Then again, she knew better than to go after that bounty in her condition, especially when he'd told her not to. He narrowed his blue eyes, which had turned a cold steel grey, and took a step toward her. “You went after them, didn't you?” Faye shifted her weight from her bad ankle to the other, which jolted her bad knee, making her wince. “You know, it's not as hard as it looks to catch a bounty when you're pregnant. They seem to think you couldn't catch them…” Her words trailed off when she saw the look on his face. “That's not what I asked you,” he growled, his voice rising, his knuckles cracking. Staring at her feet, she sighed. “Yes, I went after them.” Jet shook his head and walked away, trying hard to keep what little cool he had left. “Why?! Didn't I say not to do any hunting until after the baby comes?” Faye nodded. “But we were low on cash and besides, I got the money anyway,” she argued, hoping that the mention that they were now 145 million woolongs richer would stem his temper. It only seemed to make it worse.

 

“That's beside the point, Faye,” he exclaimed. “The money doesn't make up for the fact that you disobeyed me!” Faye's eyes popped open then, anger radiating in them. “Disobeyed you?!” she shouted. “What do you think I am, a child? You have no right”- “I have every right!” he shot back. “You may not be the child, but you're carrying mine, and if you don't want to take responsibility”- “Oh don't get me started!” Faye retorted. She was mad now, steaming mad, mad enough to spit nails. “You make it seem like I don't care, Jet!” Pointing to her belly, she wobbled over to where he stood and whispered furiously. “She's the reason I went and got the money, see?” “Maybe so,” Jet replied heatedly, “but risking your life and hers wasn't worth it. Besides, I told you I was gonna get that bounty. If only you'd given me time, Faye!” Faye threw her hands up and scoffed then, turned around to the stairs, and wobbled up them toward their bedroom.

 

“There wasn't anymore time, Jet,” she said, and wincing with each step, finally reached the door. “You weren't going about it the right way. Those guys were world class thieves, and to catch a thief, you have to think like one.” She moved to open the door, but before she could, Jet placed his hand over the knob to keep her from opening it. She didn't face him, but sighed, exhaustion seeping away at her anger. “If we had kept doing it your way, then these guys would've gotten away or someone else would've caught them. I went after them when I knew I could get them, and I did. I'm okay, Jet, I came out just fine, so don't worry about it okay?” Jet frowned. How could she possibly expect him not to worry about her, especially now that she was going to give birth to his child? She had to know that she was the universe to him; after Spike died and Ed left, she had been his only source of comfort, all he had left. Slowly, gradually, sweetly, they'd fallen in love, and their wedding day had been one of the happiest of his life. Initially, he didn't care that Faye did what she wanted like she always had, but after one bounty had gone wrong and she just barely made it out alive, his protective instincts had taken over and he restricted bounty hunting to partner only missions. Faye had whined and argued, but he held his ground. There was no way he was going to lose her. And then, a little over a year later, when she told him she was pregnant, he prohibited her hunting altogether, at least until the baby was born. Amazingly she relented, but as the months passed and she began to show, she got antsy and tried breaking their agreement. When the Curio boys' bounty popped up, both of them knew it would be more than enough money to secure their child's future. But Jet couldn't let Faye take the risk of going after them herself. She had been furious. It seemed that the more he wanted to protect her, the more she wanted to break free.

 

“Faye,” Jet finally said his voice tired and slow. “Can you see where I'm coming from?” She leaned her head on the door before removing his hand from the knob and opening the door. “No, I don't,” she answered, and plopping down on the bed, she lifted her eyes to meet his. There was so much worry in those blue eyes it made her feel a little guilty. But she still couldn't see why he was so upset. Didn't he know she could take just fine care of herself? After a few long moments she broke their gaze and sighed again. “Faye,” Jet whispered. He walked over to where she sat and knelt down in front of her, laying his head on her belly. Faye took his head in her hands and massaged his scalp while waiting for him to speak. “Faye, don't you see I'm just trying to keep you safe?” Faye tilted her head to the side and traced his lips with her thumb. “Jet…” “No, Faye,” he murmured. “Let me finish. I only want to protect you, to take care of you and our daughter.” Faye lifted his chin so that he was looking at her. “Oh, Jet, you know I can take care of myself. I don't need you to do it for me.” Jet frowned and stood up abruptly. “You don't seem to be doing a good job of it,” he replied scornfully, nodding toward the bruise on her knee. Faye scowled. “Oh there you go again! Treating me like I'm some kind of baby!” She stood up and wobbled away from the bed to the dresser and opened a drawer. “If you didn't act like one, I wouldn't treat you like one!” Jet retorted, getting angry again.

 

Faye spun around then, bumping her knee against the drawer, and cursed violently. Her temper flared up radically again, and she glared daggers at Jet as she slammed the draw shut. “You'd treat me that way anyway, Jet, because that's just the way you are. You can't stand the idea that I'm independent of you, of me being in control of my own life. I've done it before and I can do it now, so just leave me alone!” Jet stomped over to where she stood and grabbed hold of her arm. “You want me to leave you alone, huh? Well, you can forget that! I love”-“SHUT UP!” Faye screamed. And then she stuck her foot in her mouth.

 

“That's why Alisa left you in the first place!”

 

She regretted those words as soon as they flew out her mouth. Jet winced as if he'd been hit, and let go of her arm disgustedly. The look on his face was enough to stop Faye's heart; she didn't know what to say. He turned and began walking out the room, pausing briefly at the threshold. “Jet,” Faye whispered, “I…” “I guess that's the price I pay for loving you too much,” he said gravely, and walked sadly out the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

 

Shifting once again in the big, cold bed, Faye felt the pull of tears at her eyes again. She had cried when he slammed the door, sinking down to the floor by the dresser and burying her head in her hands. She had cried in the bathtub while she soaked her aches away for over an hour until the water got cold. She cried in the hanger when she discovered he had left, cried in the commons room while watching T.V., and cried while she walked to the control room to turn the temperature up. It was there that she figured out that the thing was broken, and after fiddling around for a few more moments, she sat down and realized that she didn't know how to fix it. As a matter of fact, she couldn't fix anything on the Bebop by herself. Faye came to the conclusion that if Jet were to leave her alone on that old ship by herself, she'd pretty much just be stuck. She didn't know how to operate the ship; Jet was the one who took care of all that. Sure, she could fend for herself if the need arose, and when it came to handling her Glock and the Redtail, she was a pro, but as for the Bebop, she was lost. Wobbling back to their bedroom, Faye lay down on the bed, wrapped herself in the thin blanket that covered it and cried some more. But she hadn't cried herself to sleep as she hoped she would; she only succeeded in getting a cry induced headache and a bad case of the hiccups. And so she lay in bed, alone, at 2:37 a.m., shivering with a bruised knee, an aching head, and a throbbing ankle.

 

Faye finally gave up on sleep and sat up in the dark, wrapping the blanket around her tighter, willing her tears away. In the midst of all this, her unborn daughter decided to wake up and kicked sharply, causing her to gasp and rub her tummy. “Hey you,” she whispered, “not so hard, okay? Mommy's in enough pain.” Sighing, she stood up and supporting her swollen belly with one hand, began feeling around the room in the dark for the door. The baby kicked again, and Faye stumbled backwards a little. “So I guess you're mad at me, too, huh?” she said to the bulge in front her. She opened the door and let her eyes adjust to the light. “I can't say I blame you.” The blue light from the T.V. flickered off and on against the wall, so Faye knew where Jet was-on the couch. She had heard him come home about and hour and a half before, but it had taken that long for her to build her courage up to face him. It wasn't as if she'd never seen him mad before, and it wasn't like he'd never been mad at her before, but it had never gotten this bad. She didn't like the feeling it gave her, and she knew she'd never get to sleep unless this was resolved. Faye walked slowly down the stairs to the commons room and quietly to the edge of the couch, where she stood for a while, trying to think of something to say.

 

Jet knew she was there before she had a chance to speak. “I thought you'd be sleeping by now,” he said quietly, not an ounce of malice or resentment resonating in his voice. Faye hesitated, and then shifted her weight on her good ankle before finally speaking. “I couldn't sleep. It's too cold.” “Climate control's broken,” he replied and changed the channel. “I'll have to wait until the morning to fix it, though. One of the parts on the thermostat is broken, and I need to go to Alba City to get it.” “Oh”, was all Faye said, and they were both quiet for a while. She turned around to go back to the room, certain he wasn't willing to talk, when his hand shot out and caught her wrist, pulling her around to face him. Sitting up, Jet checked out her knee in the glow of the T.V. light. He caught her gaze and pulled her down into his lap. “You need to take the weight off that ankle. And you need some ice on that knee. Does the ankle still hurt?” He touched it gingerly and Faye nodded in response. “What did you put on it?” he asked, looking down to check it out. “Nothing,” she answered quietly, still too nervous to look him directly in the eyes. “Well, how do you expect it to get any better if you don't put something on it?” he chastised gently. “Scoot over,” he said tapping her thigh, and Faye watched as he ventured into the dark of the kitchen and come back with alcohol, bandages, and a Ziploc bag of ice. Jet turned on the light before sitting down and after pulling her back into his lap, proceeded to doctor on her wounds.

 

While he massaged and wrapped her ankle, Jet began to hum, something he usually did while working. He didn't even think about earlier until Faye spoke. “What would you have done if I hadn't come back alive?” Jet nearly dropped the roll of bandages he was using. “What?!” Faye stared down at her ankle a few more moments before looking at Jet. “I said”- “I know what you said, I just want to know why you said it.” “I don't know”, she murmured, wrapping the bag of ice in a washcloth before sitting it on her knee. “I just wanna know. What would you have done”-she shifted around in Jet's lap and twisted the wedding ring on her finger-“if I hadn't come back alive? You know. If I hadn't made it out that bar without a shot in my”- “Don't say it,” Jet said quickly. He settled his eyes on Faye's, trying to find a motive behind her question, but couldn't find one. All he saw was uncertainty and a storm in her green orbs, raging behind a thin veil of control. He tried thinking of a way to answer her without letting too much emotion through, but that would be impossible. She had hit on a touchy subject.

 

Seeing his hesitation, Faye started to get up, but was jolted back down into his lap. He wrapped both arms tightly around her and cradled her close to his heart as if he were afraid something terrible would happen to her right on the couch. He tried steadying his voice, but it trembled when he spoke, pent up emotions ripping apart at the tough façade he wore. “I would've died,” he said. It was a simple reply, yet so profound it brought tears to Faye's eyes. He didn't have to say anything else; she felt his meaning on those three simple words. I would've died. She drew a shaky breath, guilt building up in her stomach and welling up in her throat, smothering her until the dam of tears she held back broke. “I'm sorry,” she choked out, a sob ripping from her throat. She sat there in his lap and cried for the tenth time that day. He buried his face in her hair and clutched her even closer to him as her epiphany rushed through her body and threatened to swallow her whole. She now knew what she meant to him and it overwhelmed her. How could anyone love me so much?, she thought. She suddenly couldn't believe herself; she had put her life and the life of her unborn daughter in danger at the cost of Jet's feelings. All for 145 million woolongs. All the money in the world wasn't worth that. “How could I have been so selfish?” she wailed, her heart hurting with every thud. “You meant well, love, that's all,” Jet cooed gently, trying to calm his distraught wife down. “You wanted the best for the baby, and nobody can blame you for that.” He pressed a palm on her belly and Faye lay her hand on top of his, sniffling for a while until her tears subsided. They sat quiet, still for a few minutes like that, just holding each other, Faye's guilt dissipating with each passing moment.

 

“I did some thinking while I was gone,” Jet said a few minutes later. “I realized that I was wrong. It's wrong of me to treat you like some fragile doll, some bird that needs to be caged. You're not a child, and I shouldn't treat you like one. I guess I'm just a little…overprotective.” Faye glanced up at him and arched an eyebrow. “A little?” Jet sighed and rolled his eyes. “Okay, a lot, but I can't help it. You're all I got left in this world, and if I lost you…” He couldn't finish his sentence. “But I promise I'll let up if you promise to be more careful.” Faye nodded. “I will,” she replied. “I was looking out for the baby's well being, but I went about it the wrong way. I should've told you my strategy, and then all this could've been avoided.” She laced her fingers with his and took a breath. “Plus, I wouldn't have said what I said about…” “It's okay,” he said. “What you said was the truth, and I guess sometimes the truth hurts.” Sniffling again, Faye leaned her head against Jet's shoulder and sighed softly. “I don't think I've ever cried as much in my life as I did today. Now I've got the world's worst headache, and I can't take anything for it cause all your medicine's too strong.” Jet took one of her feet in his hands and began to massage them. “Just lean back and relax…”

 

Faye's eyes popped open suddenly before her head tilted down on her way to sleep. “Jet?” “Hmmm?” “Can we go to bed now?” Jet turned off the television and turned out the light. “Of course.” He picked her up bridal style and carried her up the stairs to their bedroom. “When I was gone I thought about something else, too,” he said. “What about?” she asked. “Baby names.” “Really?” Faye replied, yawning. “What did you come up with?” Jet opened the door, turned on the lamp, and set Faye on the bed, then walked over to the closet. “Jocelyn.” “Jocelyn?” she asked, laying back and settling against the pillow. “Mmm hmm. Jocelyn Marie.” “I like it,” she murmured. “I like it a lot.” Jet pulled out a thick comforter from the closet and draped it across the bed before getting in and turning out the lamp light. “I'm glad you like it,” he whispered, then kissed her softly on the temple and mumbled `good night'. Faye said `good night' and glanced at the clock before closing her eyes. 3:02 a.m. She yawned again and snuggled into the warmth of Jet's loving arms before finally falling asleep.

 

Fin