Cowboy Bebop Fan Fiction ❯ Past/Present/Future ❯ A lession of Guilt ( Chapter 3 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Opium_Princess 
Anime/Manga: Cowboy Bebop Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Mystery / Romance / | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 09.28.2003 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.1K | Visits: 326 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Cowboy Bebop Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Mystery / Romance / | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 09.28.2003 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.1K | Visits: 326 | Status: Completed
A lession of Guilt
I just lay on the couch and look at the ceiling. The bowl of soup was getting cold on the table, but I just didn't have the appetite to eat. Not after I saw Faye break down like that. Screaming as if someone had shot her through the heart. But so what, let her cry. She didn't have the right to talk about Julia like that. She didn't know what Julia been through just to come back to me. She didn't know what me and her had been through together. Sneaking around, having only hours and minutes to ourselves. Even though I keep telling myself not to care, guilt stabs me in the gut. I know its all my fault. I knew it was Faye when I held her. That smell of lavender shampoo that clings on her was all over my face. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to hold Faye Valentine, to feel her skin and smell her scent. Not because I need some comfort getting over Julia. Or did I use Faye as a cushion for my fall? Even thought it felt as thought I was betraying Julia, it felt so right to hold her close to me. It felt as if that hole in my chest was started to be filled a little. I couldn't help but remember her smile. It wasn't mischievous, or sad. It was happy, bright and happy and warm. I told her she looked pretty when she smiled, I knew she was flattered. I just wanted that moment to last forever. For once we wasn't fighting, and it felt nice to have peace for a split second. That was..before I kept slipping in and out of sleep. It just seemed so real, and suddenly it wasn't Faye Valentine in my arms. It was Julia.
Julia sometimes washed her hair with that lavender smelling shampoo too. I dreamt we was back in the large condo's we were staying at when the Syndicate went on a "business trip". Vicious was out, and it was just me and her, looking out over the scenery of Venus together. I had whispered her name into her ear, declaring my love to her for the first time...
Yeah. I was a real Casanova. Stating my love of another woman to the one in my arms. I really didn't have an idea how to fix things between me and Faye. At the same time, I never wanted to fix things between us. I wanted her to suffer for what she said. I know she was hurting more than me. Because loving someone and losing someone is worse than loving someone who you can't have. Her facade was gone, and she was naked to me. I knew her secret. But the image of Faye naked and vulnerable wasn't exactly appealing to me, and I just felt guiltier and angry with each passing moment of thinking about it. I grunted and sat up, taking the bowl of now warm soup in my hands and began to chow down. That's when I saw Edward walk in front of me. She glanced at me for a moment, and stopped walking. Her eyes locked mine. I could feel those amber eyes gazing right inside of me. It was the first time I noticed that around her pupils was a huge burst of yellow, like a star exploded in her eye. She probably could feel the tension coming off me.
"What?" I asked raising an eyebrow. She shrugged and walked on to her room.
Soon as she left, Jet came in and sat across from me with his bowl. We ate quietly, like we always do. I think it's good when you can sit with someone and enjoy their silence. You don't feel all weird like you have to say something, you both have an understanding that there's nothing to be said at the moment. But, Jet speaks up tonight.
"You know I'm not the type to get into other people's personal business," he starts. I keep eating as if I haven't the slightest clue as in what he's talking about. "But what was all that racket earlier?" he says.
"Faye's PMSing or something," I answer nonchalantly.
"Must be real bad this time to get you started," he says back, looking at me and eating at the same time. I drop the spoon in the bowl and look off to the side. I know he won't dwell on the subject much longer if I really don't want to talk about it. But for once, I don't have the answer to everything, and I actually need help. I explained to him the situation. Me and Faye playing around, her ending up in my arms, me slipping and calling her Julia. We exchanged some words which left her broken like some precious China doll and me feeling mentally unstable. Jet nods in that understanding way. "You had other girlfriends in your life?" he asks, slurping the soup.
"Yeah. A few," I say back. Wondering what this has to do with situation.
"Was any like Faye?"
"No."
"That just it Spike. You don't know how to treat different women. All of your girlfriends has been like Julia." He says and pauses to find the right words, "They where all feminine. Yeah they would scream at you, but would cry afterwards, then you will say it was all your fault, and sometimes things would get better. Faye isn't like that. You have to apologize to her after you've shouted your side and leave her to work it out on her own. She's extremely independent and proud. Either you apologize and wait for her to say sorry, or things just won't work out. Not because it's UN-fixable, but because she won't allow herself to talk to someone to has done her wrong. And your the exact same way. When someone's done you wrong, you won't go back and apologize before they do. Faye isn't as hard as she seems. She is a woman, she has emotions underneath all that vinyl, make-up and tough cookie attitude," Jet explained. I chewed the side of my jaw, he was right. If anything did go wrong with any of my ex's or Julia, they was usually willing to sit down, talk, listen and work things out. Faye is the opposite. She might be willing to listen, but she's got to much pride. Just like me. Then it hit me, maybe we can't get along because we're to much alike.
I just lay on the couch and look at the ceiling. The bowl of soup was getting cold on the table, but I just didn't have the appetite to eat. Not after I saw Faye break down like that. Screaming as if someone had shot her through the heart. But so what, let her cry. She didn't have the right to talk about Julia like that. She didn't know what Julia been through just to come back to me. She didn't know what me and her had been through together. Sneaking around, having only hours and minutes to ourselves. Even though I keep telling myself not to care, guilt stabs me in the gut. I know its all my fault. I knew it was Faye when I held her. That smell of lavender shampoo that clings on her was all over my face. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to hold Faye Valentine, to feel her skin and smell her scent. Not because I need some comfort getting over Julia. Or did I use Faye as a cushion for my fall? Even thought it felt as thought I was betraying Julia, it felt so right to hold her close to me. It felt as if that hole in my chest was started to be filled a little. I couldn't help but remember her smile. It wasn't mischievous, or sad. It was happy, bright and happy and warm. I told her she looked pretty when she smiled, I knew she was flattered. I just wanted that moment to last forever. For once we wasn't fighting, and it felt nice to have peace for a split second. That was..before I kept slipping in and out of sleep. It just seemed so real, and suddenly it wasn't Faye Valentine in my arms. It was Julia.
Julia sometimes washed her hair with that lavender smelling shampoo too. I dreamt we was back in the large condo's we were staying at when the Syndicate went on a "business trip". Vicious was out, and it was just me and her, looking out over the scenery of Venus together. I had whispered her name into her ear, declaring my love to her for the first time...
Yeah. I was a real Casanova. Stating my love of another woman to the one in my arms. I really didn't have an idea how to fix things between me and Faye. At the same time, I never wanted to fix things between us. I wanted her to suffer for what she said. I know she was hurting more than me. Because loving someone and losing someone is worse than loving someone who you can't have. Her facade was gone, and she was naked to me. I knew her secret. But the image of Faye naked and vulnerable wasn't exactly appealing to me, and I just felt guiltier and angry with each passing moment of thinking about it. I grunted and sat up, taking the bowl of now warm soup in my hands and began to chow down. That's when I saw Edward walk in front of me. She glanced at me for a moment, and stopped walking. Her eyes locked mine. I could feel those amber eyes gazing right inside of me. It was the first time I noticed that around her pupils was a huge burst of yellow, like a star exploded in her eye. She probably could feel the tension coming off me.
"What?" I asked raising an eyebrow. She shrugged and walked on to her room.
Soon as she left, Jet came in and sat across from me with his bowl. We ate quietly, like we always do. I think it's good when you can sit with someone and enjoy their silence. You don't feel all weird like you have to say something, you both have an understanding that there's nothing to be said at the moment. But, Jet speaks up tonight.
"You know I'm not the type to get into other people's personal business," he starts. I keep eating as if I haven't the slightest clue as in what he's talking about. "But what was all that racket earlier?" he says.
"Faye's PMSing or something," I answer nonchalantly.
"Must be real bad this time to get you started," he says back, looking at me and eating at the same time. I drop the spoon in the bowl and look off to the side. I know he won't dwell on the subject much longer if I really don't want to talk about it. But for once, I don't have the answer to everything, and I actually need help. I explained to him the situation. Me and Faye playing around, her ending up in my arms, me slipping and calling her Julia. We exchanged some words which left her broken like some precious China doll and me feeling mentally unstable. Jet nods in that understanding way. "You had other girlfriends in your life?" he asks, slurping the soup.
"Yeah. A few," I say back. Wondering what this has to do with situation.
"Was any like Faye?"
"No."
"That just it Spike. You don't know how to treat different women. All of your girlfriends has been like Julia." He says and pauses to find the right words, "They where all feminine. Yeah they would scream at you, but would cry afterwards, then you will say it was all your fault, and sometimes things would get better. Faye isn't like that. You have to apologize to her after you've shouted your side and leave her to work it out on her own. She's extremely independent and proud. Either you apologize and wait for her to say sorry, or things just won't work out. Not because it's UN-fixable, but because she won't allow herself to talk to someone to has done her wrong. And your the exact same way. When someone's done you wrong, you won't go back and apologize before they do. Faye isn't as hard as she seems. She is a woman, she has emotions underneath all that vinyl, make-up and tough cookie attitude," Jet explained. I chewed the side of my jaw, he was right. If anything did go wrong with any of my ex's or Julia, they was usually willing to sit down, talk, listen and work things out. Faye is the opposite. She might be willing to listen, but she's got to much pride. Just like me. Then it hit me, maybe we can't get along because we're to much alike.