Crossover Fan Fiction / Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Chaos was Here ❯ Part 1 ( Chapter 1 )

WTF (a.k.a. The Chaos was Here...)

an INSANE Humor/Parody fic by TheFellow3J

 

Disclaimer: I don't own shit.

 

Warning: This fic features all kinds of shit not meant for little punk ass children, like cursing, OOC-ness, cursing, Lesbos, cursing, a slut auction, and Chucky, among MANY other things. If you've EVER seen “Tails Gets Twisted...” well, know that this piece of shit ain't nothing like it...

 

Starring Kirby, Conker the Squirrel and Link

 

Part 1

 

It was noon somewhere on Gaia. Conker: “Ok, what the hell is this about again?” Kirby: “The Nintendo realm is fucked. Plot holes everywhere, random shit... Apparently, some other ones are the same way.” Link: “I heard that the Sega realm is in exceptional turmoil.” Conker: “So? What, we have to put it straight?” Kirby: “Basically.” Conker: “Oh. Well... let's go then. I know where we can get some help.” So the three heroes got in Kirby's... uh... car, the Starfire, a low-rider colored purple and gold with shooting star designs. Conker: “What the hell possessed you to name this car after her?” Kirby: “She's cute and she kicks ass!” Conker: “...right.” Kirby: “Oh yeah, almost forgot...” Kirby activated the hydraulics and raised the front. Then they burned off.

Soon, the boys came upon a warp, which took them to somewhere in Japan. Conker: “Ought to be around here somewhere... ah. Over there. That house.” Link: “With the totem poles?” Kirby: “Hey, wait a minute... those ain't totem poles!” Kirby drove up to the place and parked the car. Which turned into his warp star once everyone got out. Good thing, since a meteorite pelted the area where the car was. Link: “That was close...” Kirby: “I would've been pissed...” Conker: “Oh well. Shit happens. All the time. Everywhere. Especially here.”

After two large, wooden logs greeted them, they proceeded to the front door of the two story mansion. Conker rang the bell. A camera popped out of nowhere and floated around everybody. Then a little girl with long, aqua-colored pigtails answered the door. Sasami: “Conker! Hi!” Conker: “Yeah. Same to you. Hey, where's Washu?” Sasami was eyeballing Kirby. Kirby: “Uh...hello?” Sasami: “So... CUTE!!!” Sasami threw her arms around Kirby. Kirby: “HEY! what the... aaaa... oh well...” Tenchi showed up at the door. Tenchi: “Conker!” Conker: “Tenchi, my man! How the girls treatin' `ya?” Tenchi: “Like shit. At least, THOSE two...” The boys looked inside to see Ayeka and Ryoko perfectly calm. Conker: “...that ain't right...” Tenchi: “It's weird... they've been like that for at least two days.” Link: “Then it must have happened here.” Sasami let go of a bluish Kirby. Sasami: “What is IT?” Kirby: “The shit. It happens.” Conker: “All the time.” Link: “Everywhere.” Then them little bastards called the Smurfs ran out the house, chased by a bunch of miniature machina. Conker: “What the hell...” One machina charged up power and shot out a beam the size of Tenchi's fist, which blew a hole in the bottom of the door. Sasami: “Oh dangit! Now we gotta plug up the hole before rats get in!”

Ryoko: “I'm so BORED! I've gotta destroy something before this day's over with!” Ryoko looked around the room for anything not particularly valuable, and found Kenny. Ryoko: “PERFECT!” Moments later, Kenny was fried by a beam blast from Ryoko. Stan: “OH MY GOD! SHE KILLED KENNY!!!” Kyle: “YOU BAS... uh... BITCH!” Then they took out two ZMGs each and proceeded to shoot at Ryoko, who began dodging. Rats bowled over the poor pigtailed girl and Tenchi to feast on Kenny's carcass. Cartman: “Hey, how the fuck we get here anyways!?” Ayeka: “Who ARE you little ruffians!?” The group outside walked in. Conker: “Now it looks normal.” ???: “DIE BASTARDS!!!” Tenchi: “What the...”

It was a doll. And it was holding an RC-P90 and a rocket launcher. And it looked pissed. ???: “I'm Chucky, and you're DEAD!!!” Chucky unleashed a barrage of firepower upon the house, blasting plenty of items to pieces, including the whole right side of the house. Kirby: “What the hell is this!?” The trio ducked under a diamond hard dome... thingy that happened to drop into the area. Mihoshi looked inside from the other side of the missing wall. Mihoshi: “Oh, THERE it is! My `Good-guy-who's-only-purpose-is-to-FUCK-YOU-UP doll! I've been looking for it EVERYWHERE!” Tenchi: “MIHOSHI! Is there any way to shut that thing off?” Chucky: “Pull this cord, if you can!” Chucky commenced firing again. Kirby snuck around and yanked the thing, which forced Chucky to bend backwards. Chucky: “I'M JUST SCREWING WITH YOU BITCHES!!!” Kirby: “Daaaaammmmmn...”

Kirby dashed out of the way, putting on a Ninja cap. Kirby: “I'm tired of this...” Kirby chucked knives at Chucky. Stan: “Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here!” Conker: “Hmmm. No censor. Screwy.” Kyle: “See, you FATASS! I told you we should have turned right at the crack house! This isn't even fucking USA!” Cartman: “Oh, duh Kyle. Of course we knew that already.” Suddenly, Chucky became beheaded after Link stepped in. Everyone caught their breath. Then Washu came out from the lab. Washu: “Hey everyone!” Conker: “Washu! Hey, I need a spaceship. How fast can you make one?” Washu: “A ship!? Aw, that's nothing! Come on down and I'll show you the showcase.” The trio left the battered, bruised and broken living room.

Link: “Are you sure they need no help?” Conker: “Happens all the time. Don't worry.” Washu led them to a room with three spaceships. Washu: “Take your pick!” Kirby: “Hey, how about that jet-black one?” Conker: “Looks good to me... what's it called?” Washu: “That one? It's the Dark Streak.” Conker: “The Dark Streak. That's original.” Link: “As long as we obtain one, it is fine with me.” Kirby: “We'll take it!” Washu: “Ok! Then you'll need this: the remote control!” Conker took the item, then the trio got in and blasted off from Earth. Destination: THE Kingdom.

 

The boys landed outside of the Mushroom Kingdom. Flying axes were busy chopping trees down. No other organisms were in the area. Kirby: “It doesn't stop...” Then they saw a two-tailed fox talking with Luigi. Link: “If memory serves me correct, that is Tails, the sidekick of Sonic the hedgehog.” Conker: “But shit happens... and that's why he's here.” They approached the two in conversation.

Luigi: “I don'ta think we'vea seen anything likea that around here.” Tails: “Aw... well, thanks anyway.” Conker: “Hey, what the hell happened to you?” Tails: “Huh? I was just minding my own business and walking through the Great Forest when some hole appeared right under me and I fell in!” Link: “A likely story.” Kirby: “It's the shit. It happens.” Conker: “All the time.” Link: “Everywhere.” Tails: “What am I supposed to do? I promised my girlfriend Cream that I take her to go see the sunset today! This sucks!” Conker: “Ah, well. Ain't that a bitch... sucks when you're cutoff from your girlfriend...” Link: “You would indeed know...”

Kirby: “Ok, so... let's go see if we can get to Star Road. Maybe Geno can tell us what to do.” Link: “Who is this Geno?” Kirby: “Oh, some guy from WAY up in the air that came and helped Mario out a while back. His real name is hell to say...” Conker: “Alright, then let's go. This place looks like it could crack any moment...” Peach ran out of the Castle in a bathing suit, being chased by ripe tomatoes. Peach: “NO! Stay away! I don't WANT a tomato bath! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!” She went the direction of Mario's pad. The boys just stared like WTF. Boys: “... ... ...right.” Kirby formed the Starfire and they got moving.

They approached the meteor that was Star Road. Conker: “What the hell is this piece of SHIT? You mean to tell me that THIS is Star Road!?” Link: “And to think that IT had nothing to do with it...” Tails: “Let's go in!” The four went in. There... hmmm, well... nothing was going on. Everything was quiet as mice. Tom ran in from nowhere and searched for any mice in the area... with a bazooka at the ready. Conker: “This is completely out of place...” They pressed forward past gushers of newly discovered oil. And Conker did NOTHING. Weird.

Somewhere at the top, they saw a phone. Kirby: “Hmmm... I don't remember Mario telling me there was a phone here...” Conker: “Something out of the Matrix? Boy, that place must REALLY be screwed right now...” Kirby picked up the phone. Kirby: “Uh... hello?” Someone picked up on the other line. ???: “Who is this?” Kirby: “GENO! Hey, do you know what's going on down here? It's crazy!” Link: “That is not the word...” Geno: “I know of the events. Conker, I believed you mentioned the Matrix?” Conker: “So what if I did?” Geno: “You are quite accurate.” Conker: “... the hell?” Tails: “Hey, what do you mean by that?” Geno: “The existence of the Aniverse and all who come to live within it are controlled and governed by many higher forces. They are inhabitants of a different Earth, humans who take much interest in the events of those entities that abide in the Aniverse.” Kirby and Conker looked at each other. Both: “Fan fiction authors.” Geno: “Yes... that is correct, to a degree.” Link: “What do you mean by a certain degree?”

Geno: “All influential fan fiction that these authors write is published on a world-wide system known throughout Earth as the Internet. These stories are many. Now... the Internet is a computerized system. As with all such systems, it is subject to infection by viruses. That is the case that the Aniverse faces now.” Kirby: “A virus infected their Internet. This doesn't sound new...” Geno: “However, this virus takes the words and ideas of many different stories and fuses them all together, paying attention to no form of logic.” In a hidden area, Shampoo and Ukyo wait in ambush for some reason. And so did Secret Squirrel. Geno: “We are fortunate. This virus has a physical form in the Aniverse somewhere. It must be destroyed for order to return to all entities.”

Conker: “Any idea what it looks like?” Geno: “The visual appearance of this entity is unknown, but where it is present, so will ultimate chaos be as well.” Tails: “ULTIMATE CHAOS!?” Conker: “That's... not good.” Kirby: “Guess we'd better try to find it and stop it before we don't exist anymore or something...” Geno: “Precisely.” Kirby: “HUH? I was just kidding!” Geno: “And yet you speak truth, old friend.” Kirby: “Aw, SHIT! We'd better go then! C'mon boys! Later Geno!” Kirby hung up and they ran out the door, barely missing getting run over by a silent 18-wheeler with Crash Bandicoot's logo on it. Couldn't say the same for those other three... ouch... and so they leave on this crazy-ass adventure... wait... insanely surreal adventure... aw, to hell with it...

 

Next chapter soon. You knew this shit, right?