Crossover Fan Fiction / Card Captor Sakura Fan Fiction / Sonic Series Fan Fiction ❯ The Chaos was Here ❯ Part 2 ( Chapter 2 )

WTF (a.k.a. The Chaos was Here...)

an INSANE Humor/Parody fic by TheFellow3J

 

Disclaimer: I don't own shit.

 

Warning: This fic features all kinds of shit not meant for little punk ass children, like cursing, OOC-ness, cursing, Lesbos, cursing, a slut auction, and Chucky, among MANY other things. If you've EVER seen “Tails Gets Twisted...” well, know that this piece of shit ain't nothing like it...

 

Starring Kirby, Conker the Squirrel and Link

 

Part 2

 

The boys flew over to some place on Gaia. Link: “Ah, this is the land of Forcena. There is the castle up ahead.” Conker: “Nothing weird anywhere around here... guess this place is safe.” ???: “GUESS AGAIN, YOU FUCKS!!!” Kirby: “Oh, not again...” Conker: “Shit happens. Up there.” Conker pointed up, and everyone looked up. ???: “Object sighted. Termination: Imminent.” A girl with long crystal-blue hair and white boots fell and landed on the ground, the cannon in her arm pointed at Chucky. Chucky: “Oh shit, a bitch in blue! Later, bastards!” Chucky ran for it, with KOS-MOS in pursuit. Conker: “Don't see that everyday... or that...” Meteor Shower. What the hell... they made a run for it, ducking into a cave.

All they could see was WHITE. Kirby: “In a fucking CAVE? What the hell is this? This doesn't make any sense at all!” Link: “Yet it happens.” Kirby: “Yeah, you're right...” Then they could hear voices. Two feminine, one male, one sweet, one... hmmm... hysterical... Aika: “We've been in this stupid cave for hours! How are we ever going to get out!?” Vyse: “Calm down, Aika! Fina, can Cupil discern between the walls and any light in this cave?” Fina: “Maybe... go, Cupil!” The boys walked further to find some silver floating thing find them and eye them down. Conker: “Wait... we really don't have time for this... that way.” Conker points to the exit. Cupil gets happy and leaves, cheering. Kirby: “Hey, there's a path this way!” Kirby went forward, with the other three following behind. Koopa Troopas had missed their chance to pelt them with Bob-ombs. Oh well. Shit happens. They should have known...

Tails: “Hey, there's an opening!” They rushed forward into... Bevelle. Conker: “... ...the hell is this? We came out right into a city?” Kirby: “Try walking right onto a wall.” Sure enough, they were standing perfectly sideright on a wall. Wario and Eggman were talking at some corner. Rice began to come down hard on the pedestrians. It was worse than hail. Conker: “Shit happens.” Tails: “All the time!” Kirby: “You can say that again...” A chaos emerald landed in the street, and everyone dived for it. Tails: “EMERALD! Screw this...” Tails jumped off and flew directly over the increasing pile of people and created a massive tornado, sending everyone else flying, along with a whole bunch of other objects. Cars slammed into the sides of buildings. Clouds funneled down and covered the area in rice. Kirby: “Clouds made of rice? This place originated from the Japanese! The hell is a Chinese custom doing here... wait... shit happens... never mind.” MetaKnight: “You are learning, young one.” Kirby: “What the... MetaKnight!?” But he was nowhere near the area. Link: “If I remember correctly, this place is particularly hated by the rest of the planet, which is called Spira. Conker: “Wait, I thought we were on Gaia!” Kirby: “Some random bastard at SquareSoft came up with the dumbass idea of making a totally new planet. Talk about scratching tradition...”

Around the corner, air above a road junction superheated and formed clouds of pure ice, which started to break apart and spark down like lightning, splashing on the ground into pieces of rock. ... you missed something. Read that sentence again, SLOWLY. These rock pieces grew impossibly large plant tentacles and began chunking crap around. The boys turned the corner and saw the plants. Kirby: “...five?” Link: “Perhaps we should eliminate these monstrosities?” Conker: “Nah. Something's bound to happen. I can feel it.” Kirby: “Really?” Conker: “No.” Kirby: “Oh.” A ton of Venonats came in and ate all the plants, then they spread stun spore everywhere. Someone shot half of the sun out, and it was on a collision course with Bevelle. Kirby: “UH... what did that computer text just say!?!?!?” You heard... er... saw right. A piece of the sun is ON YOUR ASS! Conker: “We'd better get the fox and burn. This place is toast. It's getting hotter already!” Tails: “FOUND IT! BASTARDS! IT'S MINE! Ok let's go.” Kirby formed the Starfire and they got... nowhere. They did fall into a hole. After they left, a comet knocked the sun into deep orbit, and everything froze over. Hmmm. Shit happens...

 

Tokyo. `Nuff said... Kirby: “We landed on Tokyo tower.” Tails: “Impossible! This sure is one good balancing act!” Sakura with Tomoyo flew by and blew the car right off. It landed on grass. Kirby: “Indestructibility. Gotta love InterAct's GameShark...” Conker: “Too bad anime characters can't. Shit happens...” Darien and Serena were nearby. Darien slapped Serena, saying that Usagi was a much better choice. Rini faded out, only to be replaced by Chibi-Usa. Kirby: “OH WHAT THE HELL! That's the same freaking characters!” A fire storm erupted around the entire city. Salt rained down. Link: “Fire plus salt equals...” Conker: “HEAT!”

Just then, Conker got a call on his cell phone from Washu. Washu: “I hope you know that all the other scouts are having an orgy right now.” Conker: “Yeah. Kinda figured that...” Link: “Ms. Washu, a reliable friend of Kirby's told us that we should look for an entity embedded in ultimate chaos and destroy it.” The boys were totally unaffected by the heat in the area. GameShark: the lifesaver. Jerry ran by, scurried all around Kirby and snatched the GameShark from him. Then he got smushed under a blue meteorite. Kirby: “Aw FUCK! It took hell for me to get that GameShark!” Conker: “Shit happens.” Kirby: “Dammit all!” Kirby put on his fighter cap and proceeded to beat up the fifty Final Fantasy monsters that showed up behind them. Roll and Tron were cuddling each other on a park bench. Sakura and Tomoyo were slapping each other silly and laughing like complete dumbasses. And two hundred sluts began to make out. Tails: “Ahhh! Bad girls everywhere!” Conker: “See, that's where you're wrong. No bad girls here...” Link: “I will agree with Conker.”

A bus drove up. Driver: “SHIT! This place is HELL! Quick, get in!” The boys hopped the ride and the bus started sinking in quicksand. Conker: “It don't stop...” They all got out and the driver faded away to nothing. Kirby and Tails: “...right.” Cream fell out of a hole and landed on her head. She conked out. Conker: “I still got it...” Conker retrieved his baseball and fired some slingshot pellets at five Tediz coming from the rear. Tails: “Oh no! Cream!!!” Tails ran over to check on his girlfriend. Nothing stopped him. Chucky: “SHE'S DEAD MEAT! I'm gonna have me some fried rabbit! Elmer Fudd can go FUCK HIMSELF! HAHAHAHAHAH!!!” Tons of Omochao flew in... and shot shruiken at everything. Bullets too. Kirby: “Crap! It's a bunch of Omochao! They're like that guy Smith! We're out!” Conker: “Better get the ship...” The Dark Streak appeared right in front of Conker. Conker: “Not bad Washu...” Link: “We must hurry!” ???: “You're not going anywhere! Attack!” Conker: “Oh hell... some random entity is making us fight...” Tails: “CHAOS CONTROL!” The ship and the five allies all teleported out of the area.

Kirby: “You can use Chaos Control?” Tails: “Uh... well, I didn't know...”

They came to another part of the city. In front of them was a school. Kids were playing “Doggy.” Link: “Hmmm... a most disturbing scene...” Sonic burned in from the west. Sonic: “Hey Tails! Good to see `ya! Hey, you found Cream too!” Kirby: “Love stops for nothing.” Conker: “Except death... fucking weasel... I'll kill `em...” Link: “It happens Conker.” A Tedi shot a rocket at the bunch. Billy Lee Black blasted that thing out of the air. The Tedi got pissed and chunked nitroglycerin their way. Suddenly, blue shields appeared around everyone... and a rock formation spiked out of the ground. Kirby: “Now... was that really necessary? Things are crazy enough as it is.” Ami broke up with Lita. Then she hooked up with Makoto. Lita got pissed and beat the shit out of Makoto. Conker: “Hey, chick fight. Let's watch.” It was over. Conker: “... that sucks. Fuck it...” Conker pulled out a broken hose and sprayed water everywhere to try and take out all fires that submerged the area after the unseen explosion. Kirby: “Is the very computer text on screen being screwed up by the virus?” Tails: “Maybe.” The hell are they talking about? There's nothing wrong with this crappy narrative text!

Chucky: “I TOLD YOU... I want RABBIT! DIE!!!” The doll sported a Gold Devastator. Link: “Where DOES he come from?” Conker: “Damn! I want one of those so BAD...” Kirby: “Who cares!? That thing is dangerous!” ???: “No fear!” Bubsy aimed a RYNO II at Chucky. Bubsy: “It's NERF or NOTHIN'!” KOS-MOS had him locked on to her TASER XF-6004 laser gun. Kirby: “Not the random classification numbers... What next?”

 

Conker, Kirby, Link and Tails were standing in front of the seven Super Emeralds. In the Hidden Palace. Conker: “How the fuck... we're just here, like THAT.” That's right. No fancy portal or anything. You know... Tails: “All the time...” Kirby: “Everywhere.” They saw a bat sitting on the purple emerald. Tails: “Rouge! What are you doing here?” Rouge: “Oh... Tails! Um... uh, I w-was sitting here, relaxing... yeah!” Kirby (to Link): {Hey, I don't remember Rouge sounding like Serenity on Yu-gi-oh...} Link: {And I do not buy her story.} Conker: “So... mmmm... how much you want? I got $29,999 to kill...” Rouge: “Who are you three anyway!?” Tails made some introductions. Those really suck explaining in this kind of fic... Tails: “Where's Knuckles?” Rouge filed her nails. Rouge: “Somewhere... else...” Knuckles could not resist Sally drawing him into her hut... Sonic generated right out of a blast of light. Sonic: “What the text say!? I'll get him for this...” Sonic burned off. The fire melted the crystal floor and revealed gold. Conker: “COME TO PAPA!!” Conker touched it and snapped his hand back in pain.

Conker: “AHHH! SHIT! IT'S HOT!” Kirby: “The gold must be lava in disguise...” Tails: “So that's why it's melted...” Link: “And rising. Perhaps we should make an exit now.” The five heroes... Rouge: “WHAT!? Oh hell nah...” Rouge jacked out of the Aniverse and commenced a search for me. Lucky? Not in this case... but she'll never find me... >knock knock!< Fuck... Tails: “CHAOS CONTROL!” Rouge instantly came back to the Hidden Palace. Rouge: “Tails! I was gonna beat the snot out of the author!” Tails: “We're in enough hot... stuff right now!” Kirby: “Lady, if there's one thing you should learn, it's that you should NEVER piss off an author...” A drop of super-heated lava fell from above and landed on Rouge's right wing. Rouge: “AAAAAAHHH!!! OWOWOWOWOWOW!!!” That'll teach her...

Sonic: “HEY! What... you burned my girlfriend!!!” Kirby: “Ok, hold on. You just ran off to beat Kunckles' ass for getting it on with Sally.” Sonic: “But I'm with Rouge now!” Sonic started comforting the pain-stricken bat. Tails: “Then... what's Sally to you?” Sonic: “UH...” Conker nodded. “Shit happens.” Sonic: “...! Yeah. What he said.” Dancing freak: “MAX 300 is the SHIT!” Chucky shot him. Weird purple arrows came flying after him. Chucky: “FUCK! It's those stupid sixteenth arrows! FUCK OFF!!!” Chucky went b-serk and cast Ultima MAX. ... Conker: “...so now Dance Dance Revolution is involved with this adventure from hell. Great...” Kirby: “Uh... nothing's happening.” He was right. Hey, there's never been such a thing as Ultima MAX, right? Chucky: “Shit! Well... take a Deluge then!” An ice barrier formed around Chucky. Then he drowned in an overflowed block of ice. Kirby: “Damn... shit happens...” Tails: “It backfired?” Conker: “Sucks for him...” Bubsy and KOS-MOS go away. Tails: “I didn't even know they were here!” Link: “It must have been one of those confounded plot holes.” No, I just never said that they were teleported too. Plot holes... the hell are those anyway...

Kirby: “Hey, what are we supposed to be doing right now? I went and forgot during the author's absence.” What the... fuck it. Link: “We must find the source of the chaos and eliminate it Post-haste!” MATRIX! Everything slowed down. The walls turned into infinitesimally sharp diamond knives and flew at the group. Rouge: “WWWHHHAAATTTT!!! IIIII CAAANNN'TTT MMMOOOOVVVEEE!!!” Conker: “Uh, animation has nothing to do with voice speed.” Tails: “OH no... could this mean that the chaos can affect characters too!?” Kirby: “DUH! Why do you think we just saw two hundred sluts go at it in the MIDDLE of the FUCKING STREET!?” Tails: “...OH YEAH!” Kirby ate a Sensu Bean and powered up. He put on a Mirror Hat and reflected all the knives. How he was able to protect everyone instead of just himself is anyone's guess. Kirby: “Chaos Emerald. Super Emeralds. Master Emerald. Does any of this ring a bell?” ...right. Uh... they left. Just like that.

 

Hmmm... ! Uh... Conker: “Oh great, the author can't think up a good place to put us.” Kirby: “So we're stuck in oblivion until some random city or place comes up. Figures...” Got it.

 

Terra. For now, screw Final Fantasy IX. This is HIS world. Conker: “Oh, some REAL shit's gonna go down when Megaman finds out that his girls are missing...” Link: “Do my eyes deceive me, or is that Ryugu Island?” Hell nah! Kirby: “Mafu Island.” Conker: “Come on now... you KNOW that Ryugu Island is just a city on a big turtle.” Kirby: “For all we know that turtle might have disappeared, or some shit...” Tails: “It's dark...” Rouge: “Just what the hell is going on around here anyway!?” Kirby: “Random Shit. Chaos. Events and scenarios designed to fuck you up. Etc...” Rouge: “Hmph. This adventure better not ruin my queenly look...” Conker: “Ok... we're standing on an island, close to an island, which is about to get impacted by a falling island...”

Angel Island crushed Mafu Island underneath its craggy underside. Link: “That is most unfortunate.” Conker: “Shit happens. Place was evil anyway...” Evil... and Angel Island crashed into the evil island... Tails: “Yeah! That's weird...” Link: “Perhaps the chaos has some rationale in it?” Nope. None whatsoever. Link: “A shame... but I suppose that is to be expected.” Damn right... Kirby: “Uh, the narrator doesn't exist where we are... how are you talking to it..?” Hmph. Fuck off. Tails: “Ok, well, maybe Sonic's still on the island. Let's go!”

Robots were everywhere. Then they rusted and faded to dust. It rained like a bitch. Conker: “... I don't get it. How could it rain like Rouge the bat..?” Rouge: “WHAT!? GRRRRR....” Rouge lunged at the squirrel and started kissing him. Kirby: “oh HELL... shit happens.” The forces HAD to do it... Tails: “If Sonic's anywhere around...” Then he saw Sonic and Cream together. Frenching. Ouch. Kirby: “Like I said...” Tails: “SONIC! CREAM! What the hell is this about!!!?” This startled the shit out of them. No, not literally, but they were close... Sonic: “Uh... hey, l-l-little bro... see, uh...” Cream: “Tails, Sonic saved me! Then he told me that he was heartbroken and so I said I loved him. Now we're together!” Link: “This IS...” Kirby: “Fucked up.” Wait, that's not fucked up. 500 Metal Sonics on your ass is fucked up. So they're fucked up right now.

Conker forced the heated bat off of him, then he started digging for something. He pulled a bob-omb. Conker: “Good thing Peach taught me this...” He threw the bastard and it landed DAMN short. Conker: “... ... ... fuck.” Conker seemed to teleport somewhere else right before the thing imploded, taking out all but 499 of the robots. ???: “... how he DO that...” The random bastard was rubbed out. Never question the squirrel's abilities... Cream: “Sonic! There's so many...” Sonic: “Don't worry Cream! I'll protect you!” Conker: “The hell..?” ???: “Alright you assholes! Take some ACTIVE BUSTER!”

The blue bomber shot out homing missiles at the army of mechanical hedgehogs. They all blew to smithereens. Kirby: “Megaman!” Mega: “Kirby! What're you doing here?” Conker: “Long story. Don't bother asking.” Megaman instantly knew what all had happened to them. Megaman approached Tails. Mega: “I feel your pain...” Link: “Unfortunately, my friends, there is no time to stand idly.” He's right... so they all appear in the air at some other planet and start falling.

Kirby: “Oh, this is fucked up...” Duh. Conker: “What the hell are we supposed to do here?” Link: “Perhaps we will hit an invisible floor.” Try spikes made of... some shit... Ok, actually Tikal showed up and transported them all somewhere else. However, that's the controller of the chaos' power we're talking about, so Conker, Link and Kirby found themselves alone in...

 

Traverse Town. Conker: “Kingdom Hearts, huh? Weird...” Kirby: “One of my favorite places to hang out!” ???: “MAX!” Uh-oh...

Fountains started to spew electricity, and moondust fell from the sky. Link: “Did you hear? Someone said the word `max.'” Kirby: “It was louder than that... more like... MAX!” ???: “... uh... UNLIMITED!” Nothing happened. Conker: “Needs another X. Or 300.” Sora, Donald and Goofy showed up. Beams from somewhere knocked them all into a building. Chucky: “HAHAHAHAH!!!” He was holding one of those guns from the movie Eraser. Conker: “I've gotta get one of those...” Kirby: “Uh, Chucky, the author still has to figure out where we're going next. Piss off.” Kirby gathered unholy amounts of power and pinned a sticker on Chucky. This sticker exploded. Kirby: “Just a modified technique from Shion... damn she's cute...” Conker: “What, that scientist girl with the fetish for the blue-haired robot girl?” Kirby: “Yeah. Sucks, really... KOS-MOS should be real...” The mentioned robot appeared right in front of the trio, falling down. They ran over. Chucky: “FUCK! Not her again! DIE BITCH!!!” He fired on the area. The shots were instantly dispersed in mid travel. Chucky: “WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?”

A barrier of silver light had formed around the trio and the robot. Then Princess Usagi blanked out and collapsed. Again. Rei: “Will someone tell me why this DUMBASS leader of ours just used the Silver Moon Crystal to protect them?” Sure. So Kirby could mistake the thing for a jawbreaker and gain ULTIMATE power... which is what happened. Kirby: “DUDE... this is awesome...” Kirby's body started to flash all kinds of colors, including black and clear. Kirby: “And for my first trick...” Kirby's arms shot light at KOS-MOS, who turned human, with blonde EYES instead of red ones. KOS-MOS: “...what... my...” Conker: “Ok, one, your human, thanks to him. That was really gonna be hard to write...” KOS-MOS: “I am grateful, I suppose. Your action is 100% appreciated, user Kirby.” Kirby: “Uh, what's a `user?'” KOS-MOS got up and kneeled in front of him. “It is the designation equivalent to... master.” She smiled. “I offer my service to the user. Will you accept?” Kirby: “SHIIII.... HELL YAH! Give me a hug!” The cerulean-haired girl did just that. Kirby: “By the way, your name's Cosmia now. Cuz' I said so.” Cosmia: “Very well. I will take this name to heart and mind.”

Chucky: “Oh, this shit is SO TOUCHING...” Cosmia: “Hmph! You are still in violation. You must be terminated...” She held up her black-gloved arm, which turned into a cannon. Chucky: “WHAT! I thought she was human now!” Kirby: “You don't know the power of the Silver Moon Crystal...” Cosmia: “Charging...” Chucky: “AW SCREW IT! Later, fucks!” Chucky disappeared into a warp. Cosmia's arm returned to normal. The former robot immediately embraced Kirby. He held no remorse. Conker: “So now what?” Hmmm... oh yeah. Minako: “Uh, guys, why is there a big hole under us?” Bye-bye. They fell away somewhere. The crew: “... ... ...right.” They threw a warp potion and went through the door.

 

Next chapter soon. By the way, neither me, ???, Conker, Kirby or Link care about chapter lengths right now. And Chucky really doesn't give a fuck. Chucky: “I'LL GET THAT BITCH NEXT...” Shut up Chucky. Save it for Cerulean City.