Crossover Fan Fiction / InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Journey to the City of Endless Night ❯ Chapter Thirty-Seven ( Chapter 37 )

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Rin looked up at her lord as they galloped towards the small village on the horizon. His expression was grim, blood spatter coating his hair and smearing his cheeks. His gold eyes were fierce and he glanced down briefly before kicking his heels into his horse. She looked around at the others as they did much the same, driving their horses faster to reach their destination. Rin gripped the saddle horn tight as they charged down the hillside.

A silver blur passed the horse she rode with her lord and Rin knew it had to be the she-wolf that had saved her earlier that night. It had terrified her to feel the jaws of the wolf lock around her smock collar. Once they had landed in safety, the she-wolf had sat away from her, tongue out in a smile. She had shook in such fear and yet the wolf had not hurt her. During all of it, Rin had thought that for the briefest of instances she had seen the strange tawny-haired woman in the wolf's place. It was as if the wolf and woman had occupied the same space at the same time. She had been wearing a brown dress and was barefoot. Then all Rin had seen was the wolf.

Turning her attention back to her lord as he slowed the horse, she saw the tiny village ahead, wary villagers looking in their direction. They stood in their doorways, silent as they passed. A few were armed with pitchforks and rusted swords. Sesshomaru dismounted from the horse, pulling her to the ground as well. His clawed hand grabbed hers, firmly squeezing his order that he wished for them to wait. Rin looked up towards him, noticing that he was not even looking at her. Instead, his eyes were trained on the old sorcerer and his daughter.

The old sorcerer dismounted from his horse, approaching the inn keeper of the tiny inn. The inn keeper looked nervous as he wiped his hands across his apron. His stocky form stood in the doorway, blocking it. His voice was gruff as he declared loudly, “We have no rooms for the night.”

Belgarath said, “We only wish to stay the remainder of the night and through part of the afternoon. We've traveled far.”

“No room.” The inn keeper stood his ground, looking wild in the eyes as he appraised the group before him.

Rin looked up towards her lord. She was so tired and cold and all she wanted to do was sleep. Leaning her head onto his elbow, she yawned. Sesshomaru slipped his hand out of hers, sliding his arm around her shoulders. Rin snuggled closer, worn out from the long horse ride and the battle back in the grove. His form was solid next to hers and she closed her eyes as she felt exhaustion settle over her body.

The old sorcerer said, “We only request a few rooms for the night. We will pay well.” Rin felt the now familiar surge and heard a soft rushing sound in her ears. She opened her eyes to see the old man offer a bag of money she hadn't seen him have earlier. He turned his palm over, dumping the small bag to the ground. It tinkled as it landed and the inn keeper eyed it greedily.

The inn keeper picked it up, untying the strings. He said, “Come in, come in. We'll house you for as long as you like.” It seemed odd that the inn keeper was so willing now. “Anything you want we will provide.” He smiled wide, moving out of the doorway to let them pass. He said, “We have plenty of rooms for you.”

“I appreciate it.” The old sorcerer led the group into the inn.

Rin noticed that Polgara appraised the inn by looking around. She ran her fingers over some of the tables. “Adequate, father. You could have picked better but it shall do under the circumstances.” Rin noticed that the old man winced slightly before trudging up the stairs.

Sesshomaru led Rin up a small stair well towards the room that was being offered to them. She yawned again and followed him, her eyes closing and her head nodding as she approached sleep. When they reached the room, Sesshomaru opened the door, glancing inside. It wasn't nearly as opulent as the stay at the palace but it had a nice bed, one that Rin wanted to make use of immediately. It was bedded with plain white blankets and the carpet was tattered in places. The window was small, dull gray curtains hanging in its frame. There was no other furniture than the bed itself. The bed called out to her, and she longed to lay on it.

Sesshomaru's voice brought her attention to him. He said, “Rin, bathe. I do not like the smell of wolves on your skin.”

Rin nodded. “Yes, Sesshomaru-sama.” She yawned wide, stretching. Looking out into the hall, she tried to see if anyone else she could trust was about. She saw Inuyasha and Kagome being escorted to their rooms, anger evident in Inuyasha's expression, worry in Kagome's. Unsure of where to go and not seeing anyone she really trusted, Rin asked, “Sesshomaru-sama, where are the baths?”

Sesshomaru took her hand into his and exited their room. He asked a servant passing by where the baths were and led her down the stairs and a dim hallway to a small room with a bath inside. It was in the process of being prepared and Rin looked up towards Sesshomaru. He said, “Bathe and then return to our room.”

Rin nodded. “Yes, Sesshomaru-sama.”

“I must attend to some matters. The demon slayer shall join you soon.”

Rin nodded. She watched her lord's form exit into the dim hallway before turning towards the tub before her. She hugged herself, nervous now that Sesshomaru was not near. Stepping closer to the tub, Rin peeked inside. It looked clean enough. She slowly slipped out of her smock, putting a tentative hand into the water. It was a good warm temperature. Rin nearly jumped when the door opened and on the other side stood the demon slayer.

Sango smiled. “Well hello there, Rin.” She closed the door behind her. “Let's get you cleaned up so you can go back to Sesshomaru-sama, alright?”

Rin yawned, stretching. “Okay, Sango-sama.” She climbed the small steps into the tub, sinking into the water. It was warm and settled around Rin relaxing her tired bones. Rin saw Sango enter the tub, settling as well. She dunked her hair into the water, shaking some of it free when she sat up.

Sango laughed. “Here, wash up.” She handed Rin the soap and Rin accepted it only to have it slip from her grasp and plunk into the water. “Oops. Let me get it.” Sango fished it back out, handing it to her.

Rin kept a firm grip on the slippery object. She washed herself, mindful to get everything clean. She didn't want to upset her lord by missing some scent of the wolf. She washed her face, taking the grime off her skin. It felt nice to become clean, the warm water soothing her frayed nerves. Rin yawned again. “Thank-you, Sango-sama.”

“You can just call me Sango, Rin-chan.” Sango smiled and Rin couldn't help but notice that it didn't reach the young woman's eyes. They looked distant and haunted. Rin looked away so not to stare and upset her companion.

Rin remembered seeing this woman some place else. She remembered seeing her when she had been held captive by Kohaku. Her eyes and expression had looked much the same then. Was she related in some way to the boy? Not wanting to pry into the privacy of another person, Rin didn't raise her suspicions about Sango. But as she thought more about it, she knew that the woman had to have some connection to Kohaku. She looked so sad and lonely and Rin wondered why. What did Kohaku have to do with it? Rin knew that Sesshomaru had sought the boy after her captivity. She knew her lord was displeased with him and would probably kill him if he saw the boy again. Rin pushed the thoughts from her mind.

Rin finished her bath in silence, wanting to return to Sesshomaru as soon as possible. She slipped back out of the tub, drying herself off and slipping back into her clothing. She made sure to follow Kagome's steps so not to dirty herself from her bleeding. Looking towards the demon slayer, she said, “Thank-you, Sango-sama, for helping me with the soap.” She exited back into the hallway before Sango could reply.

The hallway was narrow and dim. Rin kept one hand out in front of her to not run into anyone as she made her way towards the room Sesshomaru and she would share. It was a small inn with torches illuminating the way she walked. The tawny haired woman stood at the end of the hallway, her gold eyes dancing with amusement. She stood in a plain brown dress, bare foot. Rin knew that this had to be the she-wolf who had rescued her. The wolf-woman smiled at her. Rin asked, “Are you like Sesshomaru-sama?”

The tawny-haired woman shook her head. She said, “No.” She knelt down, looking into Rin's eyes. “One notes that your pack-leader does not like wolves. Why is that?”

Rin bit her lip. Her lord had taught her not to lie but the memories of the night she had been slain by wolves were too much. She whispered, “My lord said he has come across some bad wolves in the past. He told me not to like them.” It wasn't exactly a lie, but it wasn't the truth either.

The woman's gold eyes became confused. “Was it these man-eating wolves that have been mentioned? One wonders why any wolf would eat man-flesh. It is beneath a wolf to do so.” She wrinkled her nose and her flawless face mirrored her eyes expression. “It is not a custom.”

Rin nodded. “Yes. Sesshomaru-sama does not approve of their behavior.”

The tawny-haired woman scrunched her nose further. “One would like to meet these wolves at some point.” She stood, looking past Rin. “It is not a custom to eat man-flesh.” She looked back down at the young girl. “Your pack-leader is right to disapprove.”

Rin nodded, smiling. The strange wolf-woman agreed with her lord, making her feel more comfortable in her presence. It puzzled her that she couldn't remember the woman's name and so she asked, “May I ask what your name is?”

“Wolves have no need for names. In this form, however, I am known as Poledra.” Her gold eyes reminded her very much of her lord's but they were full of amusement and mirth as opposed to Sesshomaru's stern and calm ones. “I have heard that your name is Rin.”

Rin nodded. “It is, Poledra-sama.”

Poledra looked puzzled. “Why do you call me Poledra-sama? You often call your pack-leader something similar. Is it a custom to do so within your pack?”

Rin said, “Yes. Sesshomaru-sama tells me that it is the way to show respect to those who are older or superior to me, Poledra-sama.”

Poledra shrugged her shoulders. “Ah, well, if it is a custom, I suppose it is alright then.” It seemed to satisfy the wolf-woman's curiosity. She laughed richly, its warmth filling Rin. “One notes that your pack-leader hasn't played in awhile.” She smiled wide at the little girl. Rin shook her head. This wolf-woman had such strange notions. Poledra rested a hand onto Rin's shoulder before asking, “Are you ready?”

Rin looked up, confused. Ready? What did she mean? What was Rin supposed to be ready for? She looked down at the floor, blinking her eyes. It made no sense as to why the strange wolf-woman would ask her such a question. Rin looked back up towards her. “For what? I don't understand, Poledra-sama.”

“One will understand when the time comes.” She smiled wide at her. “You should return to your pack-leader before he comes looking for you.” The woman stepped out of the way towards the stair case. The tawny-haired woman tilted her head towards the stairs. “Go on, dear. I'm sure he's waiting.”

Rin smiled wide at her. She made her way to the stairs and took one before turning around. She bowed slightly as her lord had taught her. “Yes, Poledra-sama.” She climbed the rest of the stairs, entering the dim hallway that led to the room Sesshomaru waited in. She glanced once more over her shoulder only to see that the wolf-woman had disappeared.

Opening the door to the room she and Sesshomaru shared, she stepped in. He had bathed as well, evidenced by the comb in his clawed hand. He looked up from the bed, glancing at her. Rin smiled wide before sitting down next to him. She watched as he carefully ran the comb through one side of his hair. His eyes were closed as he worked it through his knee-length hair. Rin watched for a few minutes before asking, “Sesshomaru-sama?”

Sesshomaru stopped, looking down at her. “Rin.”

“May I comb your hair?” Rin rarely asked to do this, knowing that her lord preferred his privacy. She clutched her hands in her lap.

“If you wish.” He slid onto the floor, sitting in front of her. Sesshomaru passed the comb behind him and Rin accepted it.

His hair flowed like a silver curtain and it glistened from the water that coated it. Rin lifted its heavy mass, the texture finer than any silk she had ever touched. She liked to touch his hair because of its soft beauty. Gently taking the comb through the ends of it, she was mindful not to tear the strands. Sesshomaru leaned forward to provide her better access. She worked her way towards the top of his head, slowly working through his hair. As she pulled the comb through the massive length, it cascaded almost like a waterfall. Sesshomaru leaned back and she pulled the comb over the top of his head, avoiding his ears. Much to her surprise, he leaned his head back, eyes closed. Rin smiled wide. So he did like it when she combed his hair after all.

When she finished, she looked down at him. Sesshomaru leaned back against her, his eyes closed. Rin wondered why he didn't move to sit next to her. She thought about the incidents from earlier in the night and her nightmares. In them, she saw the evil wolves chase her down again and the strange man with his long, black hair pulled back. He had been the one who had ordered the wolves to attack. Before she realized what she was doing, Rin asked, “Who was the man with the long black hair? He was with the wolves in my village.” It was one of the few clear memories she had of that fateful night. The other was the wolves lunging at her.

Sesshomaru shifted, looking up at her. His gold eyes were grim. “He is no concern of yours. Do not waste your time thinking of such pitiful beings.” He stood, sitting onto the bed next to her.

Rin looked down at the spot where her lord had sat a moment ago. It had bothered her for some time who the strange man was. All she had ever remembered most of the time when she woke was the fear that the wolves themselves had brought. She clutched the comb in her hands, silver strands of Sesshomaru's hair wrapped around the teeth. “Yes, Sesshomaru-sama.”

He placed an arm around her. Sesshomaru's voice remained stern, “Rin, you are above such creatures as the one you ask about. Do not forget that. Do not waste time thinking of your inferiors.”

Rin nodded, leaning her head onto Sesshomaru. She wrapped her arms around his torso. After the long night she only wanted to sleep and be with her lord. Rin yawned wide, snuggling into his chest. “Okay, Sesshomaru-sama.”

Sesshomaru ran his hand over her hair. He said, “Rest, Rin.” He slid out of her grasp, letting her settle into the bed. He pulled the blanket around her before cupping her chin in his hand. His thumb ran on her cheek. “I will return. Do not open this door to anyone but myself or Inuyasha.”

Rin watched him with sleepy eyes as he crossed the room and exited. She sighed, content. It had been a long day and all she wanted to do was sleep. The question the strange wolf-woman Poledra had asked reverberated through her head: are you ready? What ever she had to be ready for, Rin was sure she would be if her lord was near. A smile crossed her face as she snuggled into the bed, sleep overtaking her body.



Inuyasha and Kagome were escorted into their room in silence. He seethed inside, furious with Kagome. Why had she revealed such an important secret to people he didn't trust? He glared in her direction before slamming the door. Kagome jumped, looking towards him. Inuyasha snarled, “Mind telling me what that little confession back there was all about? Or would you rather just tell Naraku yourself right now?”

Kagome flinched before her own temper flared. She shoved into his face, “If you hadn't noticed they already had suspicions. I was cornered. What was I supposed to do?”

“Let me and Sesshomaru protect you. What if Naraku finds out? We can't even get back home let alone your time. Say if he can. Your mother, that brat, the old man, he'll kill them. You know that, right?” Inuyasha grabbed her by the upper arms and shook her before letting go.

Kagome's lower lip trembled and tears filled her eyes. She turned her back on him and her shoulders shook. Inuyasha felt his resolve crack but he was too furious to give in to the tears this time. He had been doing his job to protect her and her family and she had let the secret out. She choked out an answer he couldn't quite comprehend.

“What was that, Kagome?” He crossed his arms. “You should have kept your fucking mouth shut.”

Kagome turned around, her hands clenched into fists. She said, “Oh really. How were we going to get out of that grove without them finding out the truth? You tell me. What were you and Sesshomaru going to do? Kill all of them, too?” She leaned into his face. “If you hadn't noticed, they can do some pretty powerful things, too. It was obvious they weren't going to let us leave without an answer.”

Inuyasha huffed, glaring at her. He growled low in his throat before shouting, “Fuck no, woman. But you're my mate and it's my responsibility to keep you safe. If you would have just kept your mouth shut a little bit longer we could have stalled off telling the old man and everyone else. We don't know who all heard what you said. How can we be sure they're trustworthy?”

Kagome cast her eyes down before looking back towards him. She said, “Oh I get it. I'm just a responsibility.”

Inuyasha sputtered before growling. He grabbed her by the upper arms, kissing her. As furious as he was he never wanted her to feel that he was obligated to her out of nothing less than love. His tongue dueled with hers for dominance and he let a small growl out as he broke away. Inuyasha said, “No. Kagome, don't say that. You're much more than that. Fuck. I just want you to be safe, damn it.”

Kagome's eyes filled with tears. She pulled from his grasp. “I'm sorry I'm such a burden.”

Inuyasha drooped his ears. He pulled her to his chest before pinning her to the door. “You're not just a burden.” He sighed, closing his eyes. Leaning in, he circled her mark with his tongue. “Damn it, Kagome. You're my mate. Don't you understand?”

Kagome looked up at him, her gold speckled eyes tearful. “I was scared, okay? Shippo got hurt really bad out there and then they demanded an answer. I didn't know what to do. I'm sorry.” She put her hands onto the door knob behind her, opening the door and sliding out into the hall way. “I'm going to go see how Shippo is.”

“Wait!” Inuyasha put a hand onto her arm.

“Sit boy.” She disappeared down the hall before he could get back up from the spell.

Inuyasha growled before slamming his fists into the floor. He stood, feeling suddenly light headed and incredibly tired. Inuyasha stumbled across the room and flopped onto the bed. Lying back, he placed one arm over his eyes. Taking deep breaths, he let his anger towards his mate flow out. As angry as he was about her confession, he knew that it would eventually have been exposed. Inuyasha just wished he could have picked the time and method. Turning on his side, Inuyasha fell into a doze. Exhaustion from the marathon riding and the fight overwhelmed him.

It was a troubled sleep filled with an eerie repetition of events from his life. He saw himself as a small child, fleeing from the villagers in fear. They held pitchforks and chanted, “Death to the half-breed! Kill him before he destroys us all!” They had sneers on their faces as they closed in on Inuyasha. There was no place to go and nothing he could do. His small, child body curled up into a ball, waiting for the final blows.

It shifted and Inuyasha saw his adult self turn on his pursuers. A wicked smile crossed his features and he chuckled. Inuyasha raised his claws towards them and the villagers stopped, begging for mercy. His eyes turned red and he snarled at them before laughing. Pleasure filled him at the prospect of destroying those who had hated him his whole life. A part of him wanted to recoil from it and reject what was happening, but it was lost and he was unable to resist any longer. He charged the villagers in front of him, leaping into the air to land a strike.

Inuyasha's full-demon self plunged a hand into a villager's chest, yanking his beating heart out. It caused him to shiver with exaltation to see his victim scream in pain. There was joy in killing those who had oppressed him. He slashed his bloodied hand across another's stomach, spilling their entrails on the ground. One by one, Inuyasha chased down the villagers who had cried for his blood, and one by one he not only killed them, he mutilated them. Some he sliced open and pulled their organs from their body while they were still alive. Others he toyed with before ripping their throats out. Laughter, his laughter, filled his mind as he brutally massacred the humans before him. His blood sung in his veins, crying out for more when all those around him lay dead at his feet. It boiled for more, needing to fulfill its sadistic ambitions.

Inuyasha shot up from the bed with a start. He panted, shaking his head to clear the hideous images from his mind. Had that been what he had done transformed when he had killed the bandits who plead for his mercy? He lay back down, trying to calm himself. Looking around, he noticed that Kagome still hadn't returned and to follow her would only cause her to sit him further. Besides, his body felt numb. Even if he tried to stand he wouldn't make it far. Inuyasha fell back into a light doze.

Inuyasha stood in his forest. Kagome stood not far away, holding a whole Sacred Jewel in her palm. He advanced on her, a sneer on his face. Kagome's eyes looked frightened and she turned, running away. Inuyasha jumped high into the air, giving chase before slashing his claws in her direction. This time he hit his target, gashes lining Kagome's back. She screamed, clutching her bloodied shoulder. The jewel bounced away from her and Inuyasha stepped on her hand as she reached out towards it. She gasped, blood seeping from a corner of her mouth. It was no longer her face but that of Kikyo's instead. She winced before asking, “Inuyasha, why did you betray me?” She gasped her last, her brown eyes becoming dead.

Instead of feeling remorse, Inuyasha saw himself pick up the jewel, holding it between his claws. “Finally. I can become what I was always meant to be. Nothing will stop me now.” He laughed viciously before reaching down, pushing his hand into the wound he had inflicted. He licked his claws clean. “So much for your sit command, huh, bitch?”

Panting, Inuyasha shot up from the bed, images of Kagome and Kikyo dead flashing before his eyes. He envisioned himself again standing over the strange dual form, victory in his expression. Inuyasha shuddered. It was wrong and perverse and yet in the dream he had relished every moment. It had felt good. Kagome was his mate and now that he was awake it felt wrong. He closed his eyes, taking in deeper breaths. He wanted to forget it. Inuyasha yawned wide, his heart beat decreasing. He fell again into a restless drowse.

Inuyasha now stood inside his father's tomb. He saw Sesshomaru standing before him in his true form. Both of his front paws were intact and Inuyasha jumped out of the way as his brother's massive paws slammed into the ground. Another chuckle escaped his throat and he jumped, slicing his brother's paw off. This, too, was filled with a sick pleasure. It had nothing to do with survival. It was about inflicting pain on Sesshomaru for the joy of seeing blood. Inuyasha reveled in slashing the great fang across Sesshomaru's chest. The scent of blood filled his nose. It rushed in his head, surging beneath the surface as Inuyasha stood over the wounded dog in front of him.

But now, instead of the massive dog, his brother stood in humanoid form, clutching his chest with his remaining hand. Blood gushed between his fingers and he sunk to his knees. Confusion and pain filled his brother's gold eyes. Sesshomaru's voice rasped, “Why---have you killed me, little brother?” Blood trickled from the corner of his mouth. Reaching out his bloodied hand, he implored for mercy. Inuyasha saw himself smile wickedly before plunging Tetsusaiga through his brother's chest repeatedly.

Inuyasha jerked upright in the bed. He panted. What was going on and why had he dreamed such awful things? Standing, Inuyasha staggered out into the hall way, hoping to see Kagome on her way back from seeing Shippo. What ever had caused such exhaustion seemed to have left his body. Inuyasha continued to see if he could find her. Descending the stairs, he came across Garion. The young man sat at a table, alone in the mess hall. He held a tankard in his hands, staring into it.

Inuyasha asked, “Everything alright?”

Garion looked up, his eyes haunted. He said, “Just leave me alone.”

Inuyasha sat down. He felt shaken by what he had seen in his dreams. The extreme gratification and pleasure he had felt in killing the bandits and later slicing his brother's arm off came back to him. The victory that he had felt at cutting his own mate down sickened him. He wanted to do anything to forget it. Inuyasha shuddered, horrified that he could feel any of the things he had in his dreams. What kind of monster was he? How could he feel, even in a dream scape, such hideous emotions and pride at brutally slaughtering those he had? He blinked, trying to disperse any of the images and sounds from his vision and hearing.

Garion pushed a tankard towards him. “You look like you need it.”

Inuyasha wrinkled his nose at the foul smelling liquid. He said, “Thanks, but no.”

Garion shrugged. “Suit yourself.” He gulped his own down, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Why aren't you with Kagome?”

Inuyasha's ears drooped. “She went to visit Shippo and I left to find her when I found you.” He sighed. “Don't really want to talk about it.” He shivered again, remembering the nightmares. The pleas for mercy from the bandits filled his mind and the vision of his brother's bloodied hand reaching towards him tugged at his sight. Kagome's hand reached out towards the jewel as well, blood pooling around her form. Where had they come from? Why had he felt suddenly exhausted after Kagome sat him? Sure they had rode all day long but the sudden overwhelming drowsiness and subsequent dreams puzzled him.

“You had some nightmares, didn't you.” Garion's blue eyes locked with his golden.

“How did you know?”

“Had some myself.” The young king shuddered, his eyes falling closed. “I was back in the Wood of the Dryads, burning Asharak to death. I laughed the whole time, making the fire hotter, sneering at his plea for mercy.” He opened his eyes, gulping more from the tankard. “I want to drown it away for awhile. Forget that I'm some awful monster.”

Inuyasha peered at the foul smelling liquid again. Maybe that wasn't such a bad idea. He fit his clawed hand around the handle, bringing it to his lips. It was bitter and he nearly dropped it. Gulping it down quickly made it easier and he felt warmth flood through him. Closing his own eyes, he sighed. Inuyasha had to agree, forgetting for awhile that one was a monster was a good idea. He said, “I can understand that. I can understand not wanting to be a monster.” Inuyasha looked up towards Garion, noticing that the sandy haired man looked even more haunted.

“I won't pry into your nightmares so don't worry. It's none of my business.” Garion held up his tankard, wordlessly asking for a refill. The inn keeper came from the kitchen area, placing two onto the table.

Inuyasha wanted to refuse the second offering of the awful smelling liquid but found himself instead guzzling more down his throat. It settled some warmth into his body and diluted some of the images he had seen in his nightmares. He said, his voice slurred, “I don't mind. If you shared one, I'll share, too.” He hiccuped. “There was so much blood and so many screams for mercy and I ripped each person who came near to shreds with my claws because it felt good. I laughed at their weakness and pleas for mercy. And when it was over, I wanted to kill more. Isn't that disgusting? Am I that disgusting?”

Garion's voice sounded slurred as he replied, “I saw myself standing over Torak, slicing my sword through him over and over with glee. I loved hearing him cry out for mercy.” He swallowed more ale down greedily. “He weeped so much fire and screamed so much. He begged me to stop but I didn't. I didn't want to. I wanted him to suffer.”

Inuyasha slapped his hand onto the table. “Ever wonder why my brother has only one arm?” He felt tipsy, a slight buzz filling his ears.

“I guess it never crossed my mind.” Garion said, swaying slightly in his seat.

“I cut it off.” He pulled back, closing his eyes. The sight of his brother bleeding from the wound filled his vision. “We were fighting over father's sword and I lopped it off. Who does things like that to their own brother?”

Garion's eyes narrowed as he tried to remain focused. “You did that?”

“Yeah. But in my dream he was bloodied and begged for mercy and I didn't give it to him. I laughed instead. Then I killed him.” Inuyasha felt himself sway as well, two full tankards of ale rushing through his blood. “I killed a group of bandits once in cold blood and laughed at them when I did it. I was in my transformed form at the time. My brother should have killed me when he had the chance. As soon as he knew.”

Garion laughed weakly. “I was convinced that I was a monster after I burned Asharak and I told Aunt Pol she was one instead. She spent thousands of years keeping my family line intact after Gorek the Wise was assassinated. She lost everything, her sister, her freedom, everything for me and I told her she was a monster. I wanted her to punish me. She raised me and loved me and that's how I repaid her.” He finished the second tankard off. “I guess we both know how to screw up with family, huh?”

Inuyasha blinked, trying to keep some semblance of focus. He snorted. “Yeah. But I was born the fuck up of the family. Look at me. I'm a stupid, filthy, worthless half-breed.” He accepted another tankard, the foul smell not so bad now that everything was defused. He gulped half of it down. “You know, this was a good idea. It doesn't feel so bad when that buzzing sound is in your ears. Do you hear that buzzing sound?”

Garion leaned forward, swaying further. “It is a very good idea. I hear it. You're right. It's not so bad then.” He held up his empty glass, demanding another refill. He slurred, “Maybe we should do this more often.”

Inuyasha nodded. “Sounds good to me.” He tottered in his seat. “It's not so bad after you get past that awful smell.” Inuyasha paused, peering at Garion. “You know, when I first met Kagome I tried to kill her. I clawed at her and nearly succeeded. In my dream I did and she asked why I had betrayed her. There was so much blood. She screamed and I just stood there and smiled.” He felt disgusted with himself for the awful actions in his dreams. Inuyasha finished the tankard off, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Another was placed down not long afterwards and Inuyasha gulped half of it down.

Garion blinked his eyes. He slurred, “Want to hear a story?” He smiled, laughing weakly. His body teetered on the bench. Garion continued without waiting for a response. “I fought a boar once. We were hunting up in Cherek around Val Alorn. I was fourteen. They gave me a spear and I stood there and this boar charged me. It broke my ribs. I wasn't smart enough to jump out of the way. I scared Aunt Pol nearly to death. She should have given me the biggest scolding but all she did was give me some tonics.” He blinked and his blue eyes glazed. He sat back, promptly passing out. Inuyasha wasn't quite sure how much the young man had drank up until this point, but the soft snores coming from his companion indicated to him that he was finished.

Inuyasha stood on shaky legs, the whole room spinning before him. He felt disgusted with himself for everything he had dreamed, and for the fight he had had with Kagome before joining Garion at the tavern table. He stumbled, trying to find his way to the stair case. Before he could take another step, he felt a hand go around his throat and his body being dragged. He was plunged into a water basin head first and struggled for air. When who ever held him let go, he looked up, blinking with bleary eyes. A blurry vision of his brother's form stood before him. He slurred, “Hey there, Sesshomaru. Were you planning on joining us?”

Sesshomaru backhanded him. He said, “You smell putrid, half-breed.”

“What did you do that for!” Inuyasha felt some of the fog lift. He raised his fists, swinging. Inuyasha missed completely, hitting only air. The room blurred before him and he could have swore he saw two Sesshomarus standing before him. He blinked, trying to throw another punch at one of them. “Damn it, you two, don't move so much when I try to hit you.”

“Your mate is looking for you.” His expression was disgusted. “I suggest you do something about your odor and appearance before you return to her.”

Inuyasha drooped his ears and cast his eyes to the floor. He looked back up, angry. “Well excuse me, mister high and mighty for being the fuck up I am.” He stumbled away from his brother. Looking up at him, he felt guilt pang his heart as he saw the sleeve that covered the stub where his brother's left arm should have been. All the anger flooded out of him and he said, “Look, I even fuck it up enough to cut my own brother's arm off.”

Sesshomaru growled, lifting him up by the throat. He slammed him back into the water. When he let Inuyasha up, he snarled, “I heard everything you said, Inuyasha. I heard it all. We're going to have a little talk, once you're no longer so inebriated. You're going to listen and I'm going to talk.” He shoved him back under the water and Inuyasha struggled.

Inuyasha shook himself free of water when his brother let him back up. He swayed slightly. He was throughly soaked by now, his hair plastered to his skull. Inuyasha glared in his brother's direction. He pointed a shaky hand at Sesshomaru. “No, you're going to listen and I'm going to talk, fucker.” Before he could continue, he felt the back of Sesshomaru's hand connect with his mouth. He was shoved back under the water again, straining to get out of his brother's grip. Inuyasha gasped for air when he was let up.

Sesshomaru dragged him outside into the small village before taking him a little outside of it. He tossed Inuyasha onto the ground. Inuyasha looked up at him, tottering on his feet. Sesshomaru snarled, “Look at the mess you've made of yourself, Inuyasha. It disgusts me. You should be disgusted.”

Inuyasha stumbled towards Sesshomaru, trying to land a punch. His brother dodged, slamming him head first into the ground. Sesshomaru pinned his arms behind him. Inuyasha growled. “Let me up!”

“You're going to listen to what I have to say. You're not going to talk.” Sesshomaru kneed him in the back. “I am sick and tired of your self-loathing. I will no longer tolerate this self-hatred. You are of our father's blood. Act like it.”

Inuyasha struggled against his brother's form. He said, “Why? Because I shame you? Because I'm the fuck up of the family? Why didn't you kill me when I first transformed. It would have solved all your problems.”

Sesshomaru pushed his face into the dirt. He leaned over, hissing in his ear, “You will cease speaking or I will make you eat more dirt than your mate ever has.” He let him up a little. “I ever hear you put yourself down like that again I will personally rip your tongue out and stuff it down your throat. Do you understand me? You are of our father's blood, my blood. I will not tolerate your disgust with what you are.”

Inuyasha tried to kick at his brother. Sesshomaru overpowered his still shaky body. “Get off of me!”

Sesshomaru pulled on his hair. “Silence!” He let go, keeping Inuyasha pinned to the ground. “You have a mate who is waiting for you. She accepts you for everything that you are. You're a fool if you do not see that.” He let Inuyasha up.

Inuyasha wobbled on his feet. He took a few shaky steps towards his brother. “Stay the fuck out of my relationship with Kagome. It's none of your business.” It felt as if the world was spinning around him. He slurred, “Besides, I'm not doing a good job in that department, either. She deserves someone better than me. I tried to kill her when we first met. I'm not pure enough for her, you know.” He felt bile rise in his throat as he felt disgusted with what he had done in his dream. Kagome's bloodied body appeared before his eyes and he had to gasp to keep from vomiting.

Sesshomaru pulled Inuyasha to his chest, his arm locked around his throat. Inuyasha tried to pry him off and elbow him in the stomach. Sesshomaru hissed, “I could snap your neck right now and end it. I could take away all the pain and the guilt. I could make it seem as if you never existed. Do you really want that? Is that what you really want?”

Inuyasha strained against him, snarling. “Let go!”

Sesshomaru pulled tighter. “No. Answer my questions first. Is that what you want? Do you want me to take the guilt away? I could end all of your self-hatred right now by killing you. You wouldn't have to feel it anymore and no one would have to hear you rant. Is that what you want?” He shook Inuyasha. “Answer me!”

Inuyasha tried to elbow him. He choked out, “No.”

Sesshomaru flung him to the ground. “I thought so. You only shame me when you act like you have tonight, little brother. You shame our family when you place yourself in the category of monster. You shame yourself. Most of all, you shame your mate when you speak so lowly of yourself. I never want to see you behave again as you have tonight.” He turned his back on him.

“What does it matter to you! I'm just the half-breed fuck up!” Inuyasha shouted. “You should have drowned me when I was a pup.”

Sesshomaru turned back around. His eyes were like molten gold before flashing red. He tackled Inuyasha to the ground, fitting his hand around his throat. “I spared you because it is the same blood as Father's flowing through your veins. I spared you because that blood is my blood. I will not tolerate your name calling. I will not stand by and watch you self-destruct. Either you let go of this guilt or I rip your throat out and end it for you. You will not act this way.” He bared his fangs.

Inuyasha felt some more of the fog swirl in his mind. He clawed at his brother's wrist. He gasped and choked out, “Why do you care so much? You've always told me how worthless I was! That I didn't deserve Tetsusaiga or any of Father's blood. I wasn't anything more to you than a filthy half-breed.”

Sesshomaru dragged Inuyasha towards a small stream. He plunged Inuyasha's head into it, holding him down. When he let him up, he said, “Stop this. Look upon yourself.”

Inuyasha looked into the water as it rippled and finally became still. He saw his reflection. His hair was plastered to his skull, and dirt coated his face. He saw the self-loathing swirling in his eyes. He twitched his ears, the ears that marked him as what he was. It disgusted Inuyasha. He snarled, “I know what I look like, stupid.”

“You know what you think you look like. You see nothing but the ears on your head and the fangs in your mouth. Look again.” Sesshomaru held him down, keeping his gaze locked on the water.

Inuyasha looked back down, into the water seeing his brother's reflection next to his. Sesshomaru's expression was unreadable, his mouth drawn into a tight line. Inuyasha compared himself to his brother, seeing the pointed ears on the side of Sesshomaru's head as opposed to the two white triangles that adorned the top of his. Their gold eyes were the same, both full of fury. They had the same face shape, his brother's only slightly more angular. All that differed was the markings on Sesshomaru's face and his ears.

He glared, making his expression furious as opposed to his brother's calm one. “So what. I'm still a half-breed. You made sure to remind me that as often as you could.” The alcohol still flowed in his veins and he said, “It doesn't matter what you show me. I'm still a worthless half-breed.”

Sesshomaru leaned in, baring his fangs. He sunk a claw into Inuyasha's neck. “Be still!” He flipped Inuyasha onto his back on the stream bed. He straddled him and snarled in Inuyasha's face. Tugging on his haori, he revealed his chest and the stub that was his left arm. “Look upon it. Know that you have done this to this Sesshomaru. Acknowledge it.”

Inuyasha blinked, looking away from the scarred flesh. He jerked when he felt Sesshomaru grip his chin into his. He closed his eyes. “No.”

“Look!” He squeezed Inuyasha's throat. Inuyasha's eyes flew open and he stared in horror at the reminder of the brutality he and his brother had shared in the past. It was scarred, the only mar on Sesshomaru's skin. A fine, white line covered the skin where it had healed shut. “You must face it to let it go. You were the one who severed my arm from my body. I never hated you or myself more than at that moment.”

Inuyasha struggled against his brother. “Why are you telling me this?”

Sesshomaru glared at him. “Because you carry guilt that is not yours. I take full responsibility for the loss of my own arm. It was I who attacked you. It was I who deserved the punishment. Look upon my shame.”

Inuyasha looked away again, feeling sick. Nausea swept over him from the look of his brother's blemished flesh and from the ale rushing through him. He said, “It's my fault you carry it.”

“No, Inuyasha. You were defending yourself. I shamed myself that day when I fought with you. I shamed our father. I shamed you. You carry guilt over something that is not yours to carry. I will not allow you to hate yourself. It is not your right.” Sesshomaru took the rest of his haori off, dropping it to the ground. He stood, turning his back on Inuyasha. “The loss of my left arm is my burden to bear. It is my reminder that I let pride overwhelm my common sense.”

Inuyasha stood, dumbstruck. Had his brother just said these things. Slowly the fog filling his mind flowed out of him and he stumbled towards his brother. He whispered, “Why didn't you kill me when I first transformed? After I killed those bandits? I was nothing but a blood thirsty beast.”

“It would have done no good. You were unaware of who and what you were.” Sesshomaru glanced over his left shoulder.

Inuyasha said, “You should have.”

Sesshomaru turned, facing him. He backhanded him again. “Stop this foolishness. You did what you did because you were not in control. You did not know what you were doing when it occurred. Do not carry guilt for something you do not even remember doing.”

Inuyasha held his hand to his mouth. He staggered, glaring at Sesshomaru. “I don't have to remember. I know what I did. I saw my hands. I smelt their blood.”

Sesshomaru glared. “Enough. I will not let you descend into another tirade.” He stepped closer, placing a hand onto Inuyasha's shoulder. “You smell disgusting. Bathe and return to your mate. We have more important matters at hand than what is in the past. What has happened has happened. Do not dwell on it any further.”

Inuyasha looked up at him, noticing the dirt and mud coating his brother's face. “Like you should talk, jackass. You're just as dirty.”

A small smile crossed his brother's face. “Half-breed, you should look at yourself before you cast such judgments.”

Inuyasha glanced down at his now brown fire rat. Mud coated the front, caking it. Twigs and grass dotted it in areas. His hair was filthy, gray instead of silver. His hands were covered in mud and it stabbed under his claws. The bitter smell that coated him must have been the ale he had shared with Garion. He laughed weakly. “Now that's the Sesshomaru I know. You know, Sesshomaru, you're so full of shit. It makes me sick.” He smirked, wavering on his feet.

Another smile crossed his brothers features. “Half-breed, know your place.”