Crossover Fan Fiction / InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ The Journey to the City of Endless Night ❯ Chapter One Hundred Five ( Chapter 105 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I do not own either Inuyasha or the Belgariad/Malloreon series. Inuyasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi/VIZ and the Belgariad/Malloreon belongs to David Eddings/DEL Rey. There is absolutely no profit being made from this story. It merely fulfills a curiosity of mine---and a desire to keep some really old friends around for as long as possible. Please do not sue.

Note: This story updates the 17th of EVERY month.

Chapter One Hundred Five

Submerged in the warm water, Sango sank back with a heavy sigh. Her body felt heavy, many of the aches of the battle settling into her joints. They radiated from her scar, throbbed through her legs, and pounded into her head. The demon slayer's biggest ache, however, centered on her heart. It constricted her chest, making her breathing shallow. Anxiety and sorrow coursed through her in pulses.

Overwhelmed, Sango wept. Tears streaked down her cheeks, their saltiness making her squeeze her eyes shut. Soon, she sobbed openly,  hiccuping from the effort. In sorrow, frustration, and anger, Sango slapped the water with a loud splash. The action did little to dull the anxiety churning in her stomach. It gnawed at her. All of the pent up emotions bubbled forth in one low cry. So much had happened and yet she could do nothing about any of it.

The demon slayer had never felt more powerless.

Despite all of her powers in battle, her ability to strategize, to predict her opponent's moves, to know the right weapon and how to use it, all of that knowledge was useless in this situation. None of it could help her with Miroku. None of those skills dealt with the aftermath of demonic possession nor the low self-esteem that had always existed deep in the monk's heart. Sango didn't have any answers. She didn't have a starting point to help Miroku. Any progress they had made after Kagome's cure, Naraku had effectively erased. That defeat had etched its way across his haunted face as the evil hanyou had forced the monk to admit that part of him had craved the demon's power.

Sango admitted in the silence of her heart that she might not be enough---or her love for him---to keep Miroku from deserting her and their traveling party.

That concession made her sob all the harder, crushed by the sheer despondency that washed over her in waves.

Most of all, Sango's heart shattered at the thought that she couldn't save the man that she loved.

Loss was not new to the demon slayer. Her father. Her village. Her brother. Her culture. Her home. Her way of life. Everything had been wrenched ruthlessly from her. Somehow, she had survived these terrible blows. Somehow, Sango had found a way to get up every morning despite the sorrow that weighed upon her shoulders.

This blow, however, may be one too many. For all her strength, Sango felt the fissures form and the cracks widen, fracturing her resolve. She hated how weak she had become---reduced to such emotional outbursts.

In the bath, Sango drew her knees to her chest, burying her face into her arms. She howled her impotence, fear, anxiety, hopelessness, and agony.

Miroku would leave her---as everyone else already had---in death.

“Sango?”

The demon slayer startled, jolting upwards. Kagome stood before her. Sango whispered, “Kagome---,”

Kagome held up her hand, stopping her. She slowly eased herself into the bath. A sympathetic expression settled over the young woman's face. She sat down next to her, gently guiding Sango's head onto her shoulder. Kagome ran her hands through her hair, combing the wet tresses. She kissed Sango's temple, lingering a moment.

Kagome whispered, “You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I understand.”

Sango gasped before wrapping her arms around Kagome. She cried even harder, everything flooding out in one torrent. Kagome hummed softly, gently rocking her. The young priestess didn't pester or push. She simply shared in Sango's grief quietly.

Kagome became her rock in an emotional sea.

As the intensity of her outburst subsided, Sango sighed heavily. She whispered, “How do you do it?”

“Do what?” Kagome asked softly.

“Watch the man you love leave you.”

“Oh, Sango.” Kagome carded a hand through her hair. “Miroku won't leave you.”

“You don't know that,” Sango whispered despondently. “I know he'll leave the first chance he gets.”

“Don't let him,” Kagome replied.

Sango snorted. “I wish it were that simple.”

“It is.” Kagome gently lifted Sango's head, cradling her chin. She locked eyes with the demon slayer. “And it isn't. Believe me. I know just what you're going through. I've been there. You just don't let him leave. No matter what or how hard it gets.”

Sango's lips trembled and fresh tears pricked her eyes. In a small voice, she asked, “How?”

“By never giving up on him.” Kagome brushed her thumbs under the demon slayer's eyes. “I know what he went through. I saw it. The demon tried to corrupt his beautiful love for you. It means he'll doubt its truth for a long time now. You just have to be patient---and persistent. Miroku's just as stubborn as my Inuyasha. You have to be more stubborn than he is. Be confident. You know his love is real and right. Teach him that everyday.”

“I---we don't have what you and Inuyasha have.” Sango cast her eyes down to the water. “We've never---we're not able to bond the way you and Inuyasha have. We can't. We're human.”

“Nonsense.” Kagome sighed. “Yes, I have the strength of his mating mark, but if I didn't have his devotion, it wouldn't work. That's the true bond we share, Sango-chan. We've had to build trust and love equally. It's not just my miko powers and his demonic strength that make it possible. In fact, because of those powers, we shouldn't work at all. It's our unwavering love that matters.”

“But---,”

“No buts.” Kagome grasped Sango's shoulder. “When the Grolims possessed Inuyasha and made him nearly kill me, he internalized that. They took his memories, his love for me, his demonic nature, and turned all of it against him. He still blames himself for their actions. I know he does---because to him the hands doing the violence were his. Miroku feels the same way about the demon that possessed him. It took his thoughts and twisted them. It doesn't matter if they were exaggerations or lies. They were based on his thoughts and would have been his actions in his eyes.”

“I know.” Sango took a shaky breath. “He's told me as much. But knowing that doesn't keep him here.”

Kagome leaned in, resting her forehead onto Sango's. “Let me finish.”

“O---okay.”

“There are days, even now, that I know Inuyasha's thoughts wander to that dark night in the inn. He still feels guilty and can be stubborn about letting it go---and while I think the rawest grief from that event has passed, I know it'll take the rest of our lives to really let it go.” Kagome wiped a tear from her own eye. “So, everyday I do what I can to show him those doubts aren't real. I do what I can to build upon the good. Miroku said that he wants to be with only you, yes?”

“Yes,” Sango whispered. “But what if that's not enough?”

“It is---in the long run. You'll have to keep reminding him. Sometimes he'll be in crisis. A demon tried to control him. That's a traumatic event.” Kagome smiled. “But as long as he loves you, Sango, you have all the leverage you'll ever need. No matter what the darker sides of ourselves try to tell us, they lie. Love finds a way---and it will with Miroku, too.”

“We've---we've never---,” Sango blushed.

“Made love?” Kagome laughed softly. “Love isn't sex, Sango. It expresses it---but only when both of you are ready. Don't think that you'll have to rush to that to save him. You spending quality time with him in any real capacity does that. Giving him your heart is more important than giving him your body.”

“Really?” Sango's cheeks flushed further. “But he is so---uh---you know---,”

Kagome snorted. “You mean a virgin?”

“The monk---a virgin---but---,” Sango bit her lip. “He claims all those conquests.”

“He lies, Sango.” Kagome giggled. “He wants everyone to buy the ladies' man routine. Sex won't keep him with you. Being tender with him---patient with him---sharing your own insecurities with him---loving him despite any of his flaws---that will save him.”

“You're sure?” Sango smiled shyly. “I want to, but not yet. I just want him to know that I love him more than anyone I've ever met. How do I make him understand?”

“I'm sure.” Kagome rubbed her nose against Sango's. “You just spend as much time with him as possible---reinforce the good you see. It'll be hard and you'll have to do so a lot, but Miroku will come around. Just be you, Sango-chan.”

“I hope so.” Sango eased back in the bath, sighing. “You're sure the monk's never---,”

“I'm sure about that, too.” Kagome giggled. “He'd be so embarrassed if he knew that I know that.”

Sango pondered that. She imagined Miroku's flustered response, the adorable blush, the vehement denial that he's never had sex, the attempt to prove that his cursed hand refutes any claim to the contrary. Miroku would be mortified. In that image, Sango saw that Kagome was right. It comforted her to know that they'd be each other's only lover---and it gave her hope that since he'd never committed a true carnal act, well, she would only be confronting imagined actions.

“Oh dear.” Sango started laughing, the sound bubbling out in great joy. “He would, wouldn't he?”

“Yes.” Kagome wet her hair, squeezing out the excess water. “But he needn't ever find out.”

Sango nodded. “Oh no. Never.”

Kagome hummed softly as she washed her hair. As she lifted the thick dark mass from her neck, Sango gasped at the sight of her friend's mating mark. It had a dark purple color, the jagged stripe curling on the juncture where her throat met her shoulder. It shimmered in the light, seeming to pulse with power. Feeling as if she had intruded, Sango looked away. She didn't mean to pry into the reasons her friend's mating mark had changed. As long as it made Kagome happy, that's all that mattered.

“So, tell me, Sango-chan, how can you stand the smelly dwarf? He seems so rude,” Kagome asked, changing the subject.

“Beldin?” Sango nodded. She shrugged. “He can be rude, yes, but once you get past that smelly and crude exterior, he's a very sweet man.”

“I don't believe you,” Kagome scoffed. “He eats his meals from the ground! And the way he talks to everyone---I just don't see it.”

“I didn't at first, either.” Sango shook her head, laughing. “I blamed him for putting the monk in danger in Mal Yaska. I thought he just wanted to use him for whatever that prophecy wanted. It wasn't that simple.”

“How so?” Kagome washed her hair vigorously.

“He cared a lot about getting us back to camp. You should have seen how tender he was with the monk---giving him some water. It opened my eyes to who he really is. Beldin is beautiful under an ugly shell. He really hides behind that facade---a lot like Inuyasha,” Sango replied. “He doesn't want anyone to know he cares. It might make him vulnerable and I don't think he likes feeling that way. Given his appearance, I imagine it was an early learned survival skill---I know people can be cruel to those who are seen as deformed, weak, different.”

“I guess you're right.”

“I could ask the same thing about Sesshomaru,” Sango asked, giving Kagome a pointed look.

“He's not as bad as everyone makes him out to be---honest!” Kagome protested. “He's certainly hard to know, but once he trusts you, he's a lot sweeter than you think. He's actually very loyal, kind, and just. Maybe he's a lot more like his brother than he'll ever admit. Sesshomaru's truly a puppy dog at heart.”

“If you say so,” Sango replied, laughing softly. “And let me know when you tell him that. I want to see him make you squirm.”

“He already knows---and he handled it better than you might expect. Granted, at the time, I was poisoned so he couldn't really get too mad at me. Inuyasha told him---and I think he enjoyed teasing his big brother a bit too much. If anyone might get into trouble for calling Sesshomaru a 'puppy dog,' it'll be Inuyasha,” Kagome said, a smirk on her face.

“I can see that. I won't be surprised if it's what starts their next fight.” Sango lazily ran a hand through the warm water. “I guess you have to be right for that little girl to trust him so much.”

“Oh yes. Just watch him with Rin-chan sometime. You'll see the puppy dog. He doesn't hide it with her. Never has.” Kagome squeezed out a sponge. “You've gotten to know Velvet and Silk, too. How do you like them? How well did you work with them in Mal Yaska?”

“We worked---well.” Sango thought back to the battle on the roads getting them back to camp. While she worried about Miroku, the married spies worked in tandem to protect the both of them. Their fighting skill and absolute trust in one another---she dreamed of having that someday with Miroku. “Liselle is well trained in so much combat and I'm awed by the power she has at her petite size. I think it's something we share in common as women---no one ever thinks we can fight. I didn't get to spend as much time with Kheldar as the monk did. Only thing I'll say---neither one of them will ever ride on Kirara's back again.”

“Really?” Kagome laughed. “They were that bad about it, eh?”

“You have no idea. I thought that Silk was going to faint more than once while we rode back to our horses. Honestly, Kirara hasn't dropped me without being under attack since I was a child. It was a perfectly safe trip,” Sango complained.

“I'm sure it was a traumatic event for him.” Kagome laughed.

As the demon slayer washed herself, she mulled over the next leg on their journey. Belgarath had said that Kagome had a task in some far away place called Karand. Considering their encounter with demons in Mal Yaska, worry curled in Sango's stomach. She didn't want Kagome to face those demons directly---and since the Gates of Hell had been mentioned---Sango knew that she would. They exuded raw evil and darkness---could Kagome stand their onslaught? Even with her latest demonstration of exponential power growth, the demon slayer knew it'd be a grave risk. So much could go wrong.

Sango asked, “Are you scared, Kagome?”

“Of?” The young miko's nose wrinkled in confusion.

“The task you have to do in Karand---with the demons,” Sango replied. She twisted her hair to rest a top her head.

“Yes,” Kagome whispered. She looked down, a tense frown on her face. “Demons here are different. Some of them may be the strongest I'll ever face. I don't know if I'll be good enough.”

“Kagome---,” Sango interrupted.

“I can't tell Inuyasha any of this---not  yet. I need to figure it out first.” Kagome continued, lazily washing her arms. “What I did to save Miroku, to stop those Grolims, to stop the Hounds poison---what if they're flukes? What if I get to this city and I can't make my power work? I'm not Kikyo. It's not automatic. I need to have an emotional reason---and I don't want anyone hurt. What if someone I love is killed in the process? I don't have enough time to train.”

Battle fears Sango understood. She related to their jitters---knew that they ran in courses. One day, she would be confident. The next she'd be riddled with doubts. Anxiety would ebb and flow. Adrenaline would rush. This was home territory for Sango. These were familiar and safe emotions. Sango could handle these---and help Kagome grasp them, too.

“Kagome, what you're feeling, it's normal. All battles are scary.” Sango relaxed into the water, stretching. “It's a good thing that you're anxious. It means that you'll be careful, that you'll prepare.”

“What if there's not enough time to train? I don't have years to learn this,” Kagome said, her expression troubled.

“It's not the quantity of time training, Kagome. It's the quality.” Sango lazily washed herself to keep her hands occupied. “If you are truly determined to learn, I think you can quickly. I'll help you.”

“How?”

“I can't help you with your powers, but I can provide you with something else.” The demon slayer smirked. “You might not like it, but it'll help, trust me.”

“I don't like the look on your face. What do you mean?” Kagome huffed.

“While the Lady Polgara works on your concentration, I'll distract you.” Sango laughed at Kagome's annoyed expression.

“You wouldn't dare!”

“If you want to improve, it's the only way,” Sango replied. “You have to shut out distractions when in battle. You can't let others dictate your actions or your focus. If you can ignore me by the time we're done---nothing with distract you out there.”

“How do you know?”

“It's how I learned. Father made my training near impossible until I simply learned to ignore him. It's a skill that has saved me countless times. Once you learn that---the rest can fall into place.”

Kagome bit her lip. “You're sure?”

“I'm sure.” Sango stood, exiting the tub. She wrapped a towel around herself. “I'll help you train---just as long as you promise to forgive me for being a total nuisance.”

Kagome nodded. “I will, Sango. Remember, be patient with Miroku. He's in a very fragile state. Be gentle. He needs your care right now.”

“I know.” Sango dressed, smoothing out her slayer outfit. She slipped her travel dress over it. Tying the bodice shut, she fought back new tears. “I just want him to see the good man I see.”

“He will. You'll get through to him.”

Walking back towards the heart of camp, the demon slayer did a head count. Inuyasha, Sesshomaru, Shippo, and Rin all sat near the fire. Durnik tended the horses. Silk and Velvet played a dice game, their laughter floating on the air. Belgarath and Beldin sat lazily drinking ale. Polgara sat quietly nearby, her needle flashing as she mended a tunic. Garion and Ce'Nedra sat together, watching the dice game, the tiny woman trying to egg her husband to bet on it. Poledra sat next to her husband, her gold eyes watching everyone and missing nothing.

Everyone was accounted for---but one.

A shiver ran down Sango's spine. Walking briskly, she crossed to the tent she'd share with the monk. Flinging the flap aside, she entered its dim interior.

The tent stood empty. He hadn't even left his staff behind.

Miroku had made his escape right under everyone's nose.

Sango sank to her knees, fearing that she had already lost him---as she had lost so many before. A low cry escaped her throat and she burst into tears, keening her grief.  “You weren't supposed to leave me! You promised! I won't let you get away with this, Miroku!”

Note: This story updates the 17th of EVERY month.