Crossover Fan Fiction / Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ Shared Trouble ❯ Two ( Chapter 2 )

Disclaimer: I make no claims at ownership of any copyrighted characters, places or events used herein. The only thing I make a claim to is this fic, which originated in my head and any original characters created by me herein. The following was made for public consumption at zero profit, and is not for sale except to the owning companies. Yes, I dream big.

 

Shared Trouble, part two

 

By: Jim Ohki

 

“One more time, from the top please,” tried Nodoka as her patience waned from the lack of any sense that the people around her made.

 

And so, for the forty-ninth time in two hours, the tale was weaved of the Goddess sisters, their subsequent involvement with Tenchi then later Seina and what had attracted them to the Tendo Dojo by proxy of Ranma.

 

“Okay,” drawled Nabiki, only believing about one quarter of their entire story. That quarter being where she had witnessed the events first hand. Then she turned to Ranma who was standing on her left. “Now, care to explain your sudden bout of intelligence?”

 

Several people sputtered at once, a mix of indignation and curiosity plainly shown by their facial expressions.

 

“All right, you caught me,” he answered followed by a lopsided grin. “I watched Independence Day about a zillion times, and their idea of calculating distances seemed like a good line to go with.”

 

“You *lied*?” shouted Washu, her hearts for eyes quickly turning into flames. “And with a cheesy movie reference? OOH!”

 

“Oh yeah, there you go Ranma,” chimed in Tenchi, feeling the urge to drive a few more nails into the coffin. “Why don't you piss off yet another Goddess? Apparently just one isn't enough for you.”

 

“That wasn't nice Ranma,” came from Kasumi, beating Nodoka to the punch. “You could have used something that the rest of us at least understood without lying.”

 

“Even though he had said he had no idea?” wondered Seina, trying to figure out just what was happening.

 

To save Ranma from the present predicament, noise came from the direction of the stairs. Coming down from the upper floor were Constantine, a *still* un-introduced Angela, and the Waterworks Facility. While he didn't look thrilled at the moment, Soun wasn't trying to turn the house into a reservoir again.

 

“How is she?” Ranma directed at them, effectively changing the subject. This also had the undesired effect of opening the floodgates as a torrent of water came at those in the room.

 

“You know, I'm glad the others are outside,” drawled Seina. “I'd never hear then end of it if their hair got messed up by something like this.”

 

His offhand remark got Ranma to survey the room for the first time since the foreigners helped the Tendo patriarch in getting Akane up to her bed.

 

The place was a disaster zone, no question about it. Between the floods from the resident wuss, the backlash of psychic energy when the demon was exorcised, and the random teleports of Tokimi not much had survived. The television now looked like a boat as it floated by. The table had suffered a hard landing, and was drifting by like so much debris.

 

Taking a glance out the back door, which was open for drainage and aeration purposes Ranma noted Kasumi making the rounds of the fairly large crowd gathered in the yard, having stepped out after her comment. Although he had no idea where the four party tents, three barbeques and seven coolers had come from.

 

The only people inside were Nodoka, Soun, Nabiki, the foreigners, himself and a wrapped Tokimi. He had taken precautions with that one though. The Goddess of Power was tied in ninety yards of rope and chain that was fused with ki to her clothing.

 

Should prove interesting if she should try to teleport out of her bonds . . .

 

“I could really use a cigarette right about now,” groused John, pulling a pack of gum from his left pant pocket.

 

“Who the hell are you?” barked Ranma, getting tired of these unknowns wandering about his home unchecked.

 

Too bad there was the little problem known as the language barrier in the way. John and Ranma locked themselves into a staring contest, eyes narrowed in agitation at each other.

 

“He's John Constantine, and I'm Angela Dodson,” she said in accented Japanese. Very accented as her secondary language skills had become lax over the years.

 

“When did you pick this up?” queried John, his left eyebrow raised in surprise.

 

“John, we live in Los Angeles,” was the retort. “You know, the whole `most corrupted city in America' thing. I learned the variants of the Asian language because you couldn't trust the interpreter. Although, since the city is turning around my skills with the tongue are rusted.”

 

“Ah,” was the only reply, the eyes of Constantine now on the lit cigarette hanging from the right side of Soun's mouth. The staring contest had ended in a draw as both men had turned to gawk at Angela at the same time. Deciding against it for now, he looked down at Tokimi and remembered he still had a job to do.

 

After moving three steps further into the room, his left hand produced the last Holy Water ampoule that he had brought on this impromptu trip to another land. Before anybody could stop him, Constantine had poured the water onto the Goddess' head.

 

“Okay,” he then deadpanned, as instead of melting like demons are wont to do when drenched by blessed water, the one bound in rope and chains awoke looking refreshed.

 

Cologne had sensed the awakening of their `guest' and had pogo'd back inside. “She is protected by Him! Don't touch her!”

 

John looked in the ancient mummy's direction, both eyebrows raised in shock. His right hand came up, the index finger the only one standing pointing upwards. The Matriarch nodded, and John was instantly by Tokimi's side begging for forgiveness.

 

After all, he'd worked *way* too hard to get out of certain damnation. If it was preventable, there was no way he was going back into that situation.

 

Tokimi in the mean time, blinked at the antics of the exorcist, before realizing that she was bound from her neck down to her toes. This time, since it was an inanimate object, her attempt to teleport out worked. Then she felt it, just after noticing that all sound had stopped and every male present, except for a perplexed Constantine, were on the ground out like a light. Daring to glance down, the recently released Goddess figured out the situation real quick.

 

After all, being butt-naked when one has no desire to will spur any mind into action. Her mind acted by shutting down.

 

WHUMP

 

And Tokimi doth returned to the land of slumber . . . missing the call of yon outraged maidens.

 

Okay, enough bad attempts at poetry, back to the fic . . .

 

He tried. Oh how he tried. It first sounded like a cough, then a gag. Then the sound moved into snorting range, followed by chuckles. Once the male version of a giggle was let loose, the chuckle turned into straight laughter. Then the laughter was exposed to radiation and mutated into a gut-busting roar, causing John to fall to the floor clutching at his sides and rolling about like he was on fire.

 

Angela on the other hand, looked peeved. Later speculation would bring it to one of the following: either she was mad at John for looking; mad at Tokimi for showing; or mad at nature for not giving her such a body. However, since the last demon in the house had been `returned to sender-postage due', the Akane-syndrome didn't manifest itself into her.

 

Syndrome? No, more like the plague. Perhaps a biological weapon of its' own right? Hmmm, so many choices, so little time to think about it.

 

“What happened?” groused Ranma as he stood up, his head held by both hands in the universal gesture of pain. Between the small gaps of his fingers, he could see Constantine laughing his head off about something. “What's wrong with Chuckles there?”

 

“Damned rope, let go of my clothes!” came the answer to his question as Tokimi was now wrestling with her previous bonds in an attempt to get her attire returned to her person.

 

He tried. Oh how he tried. It first sounded like a cough, then a gag. Then the sound moved into snorting range, followed by chuckles. Once the male version of a giggle was let loose, the chuckle turned into straight laughter. Then the laughter was exposed to radiation and mutated into a gut-busting roar, causing Ranma to fall to the floor clutching at his sides and rolling about like he was on fire.

 

Yes, that scene was copied and pasted. Taco Bell at three fifteen in the morning does weird things to one's mind.

 

Now hark the shout of yonder maidens, dothly angered by gyrations of naked female deity. Behold thou awesome might in fair maidens methods of rectifying such a grotesque situation.

 

Of course, now that I have the bad poetry out of my system, this is what actually happened.

 

Ranma and John had apparently abandoned their dislike for each other, now hanging off of the others' shoulder for support as the two laughed like it was their last day alive.

 

“MY EYES! IT BURNS!” screamed Cologne, having witnessed the Goddess trip from behind, only to watch as she caught herself with her hands, aiming her posterior at the Heavens.

 

“Oh my, such flexibility,” admired Kasumi, wondering just how long ago it was that she could turn into a human pretzel. She stepped back in time to avoid the screaming Cologne, the matriarch rubbing her eyes as she ran about like Mousse without glasses.

 

“Tenchi, don't you dare look!” barked Ryoko as she turned said Juraian Princes' head into a plushy toy.

 

“For the love of all, put that away!” demanded Ayeka, trying to tear her eyes away from the naked and suddenly clumsy Tokimi. But it was like a train wreck in super slow motion, every jiggle simply enticed her to watch more and see what happened to the poor passengers next.

 

“Damn it, where's my camera?” bellowed Nabiki from upstairs, unmindful of Akane trying to rest in the room on the right of hers.

 

Tsunami and Washu were paralyzed as Tokimi upped her match from simple grapples to dropping elbows, suplexes, choke slams and the occasional leg upon the inanimate object.

 

Getting really frustrated at her lack of retrieving her clothing, she had even launched herself from the top of the back of the couch and full-body slammed the rope and chain.

 

“Ooh, that's gotta hurt,” sympathized Mihoshi as she wrapped her arms around her breasts. She had the prime angle to watch as Tokimi misjudged her landing, her upper half coming down on one section that remained of the table.

 

“Hey, genius!” shouted Angela, bringing the entire room to a standstill. “You're a Goddess, correct?” Tokimi nodded in the affirmative, her eyes relaying the confusion she felt. “So couldn't you, I dunno, *conjure* up a new outfit?”

 

Silence.

 

The chimes on the back patio rang as a slight breeze drifted by, spurring Tokimi into action.

 

“D'OH!”

 

As the scene fades, the renewed laughter of Ranma and John carried over the entire neighborhood.

 

*****-----

 

“So Tokimi,” began Tenchi, trying his hardest . . . trying his best to ignore the leftover images of the Goddess' `dance-in-the-buff'. “You're not actually going to hurt me, are you?”

 

Now that she had reason to pause and think, the answer came to her very quickly. “Of course not. That was just my attention-starved attempts to get Washu and Tsunami to talk to me. No, the one I'm going to utterly destroy is going to be him.” While speaking her last sentence, Tokimi had lifted her left arm and pointed at Ranma.

 

“What did I ever do to you?” he demanded in return, butting in on the conversation. While not totally clueless to the situation as in times past, he did have some foreknowledge about the anger of the Goddess of Power.

 

“You took away the one thing most precious to me,” she rebuffed. “It was bad enough when I learned of what you did to him. Then I find out about an added treachery. And worst of all, you have shown me just how bad of a mother I am . . . was.”

 

“Oh, the Saffron thing,” he deadpanned. “Look lady, while I am sorry that I had to resort to such drastic measures, he had brought it upon himself when he tried to *murder* the one I loved. And just because you weren't there doesn't make you a bad parent. Just ask my momma about that.”

 

Nodoka looked completely put out by the dig fired at her by her son, before slumping her shoulders at the not so subtle reminder of her greatest folly. Then she paused, thinking about how Ranma had phrased the remark. He wasn't firing a complete barb at her, more like one at his father that was veiled.

 

“My child is correct,” she finally spoke. “I wasn't there for nearly eleven years of his life. All that he had was his no-good waste of a piece of flesh father, drilling several degrees of nonsense into his head. Look at how Ranma turned out after having to deal with that as his only companion until he arrived here.”

 

The three Goddesses shuddered at having to think about being alone with Genma for ten years, listening to the constant drone about the Art, women, and any other `distraction'.

 

“But-,” sputtered Tokimi, looking to her sisters for some help. They both shook their heads in the negative, neither wanting to even attempt to counter that argument. “Saffron was still my son,” was the only thing to come out.

 

“Who acted like a complete baka,” came from the stairs, causing every head to swivel in the direction of the voice.

 

“Akane-,” tried to speak Ranma, but the simple speaking of her name drew the others to within visual range as the house would be over-cramped if they tried to enter.

 

“Don't Ranma,” she countered, looking extremely tired. “Just don't. That demon in my head really messed me up. I-I-I-I am sorry, but there is no way we can be engaged, let alone be married.”

 

“What, why?” he countered, his facial features falling into utter sadness. His `heart' was on display for all to see, and as the others watched it shattered like a window that fell victim to a hurricane.

 

There was silence for several minutes as the players brought their frayed emotions back into some semblance of order. The pair looked each other up and down, trying to comprehend what the other was thinking.

 

“Okay then,” declared Ranma in a voice so dead, so cold, that he froze the ambient moisture in the room. Of course, he spoke just as Akane had opened her mouth to justify her reasoning and nearly missed the look of sorrow and pain in his eyes. “Excuse me,” he growled out, heading for the dojo.

 

Those gathered in the back yard parted like the Red Sea, trying their hardest not to earn the wrath of the resident muscle. Inside, Soun was once again in tears-reason number eight thirty-seven, the Schools never being joined-while Nodoka looked ready to burst at the seams in anger. The Goddesses were stunned, the look of Ranma's betrayal and hurt replaying itself in an infinite loop. The foreigners had the grace to look confused, if not a little put out by being ignored.

 

Just as Genma, one of the oddly silent players in this grand game, went to chase after his son to `reason' with the boy, extremely loud music blared from the dojo. One of the few songs that Ranma had taken to like a fish to water when he was about to launch his own Shi-Shi Hokodan was the only warning the surrounding neighborhood got.

 

While the vast majority were confused when a solemn bell was heard over a sound system that none knew existed, they did take note of Genma abandoning his quest to find something safer to do. Then came the electric guitar with a sad drum sound.

 

“I messed up again when I tried
You spend all your money and I
And, oh! By the way,
With all you did nothing has changed
So lie like a waste by the side
As everything just falls apart
'Cause everything just fell apart for me

I cracked my head and broke my
I correct my head and broke my
I cracked my head and broke my heart

And I don't feel the need to go on
I was happier singing along the way
I had things, I need to say
But now it's like a swallowed tape
That holds up my face from inside
As everything just falls apart
'Cause everything just fell apart for me

So woe is me
Oh woe is me, yeah

I cracked my head and broke my... heart
And the hell of it is what we are
We finish and wish we could start again
Our skin tears away as
Our memories fade with age
And we don't even know 'til it's gone?
But everything just fell apart
'Cause everything just falls apart for me

So woe is me
It all falls apart you see
So woe it me
It all fell apart

I cracked my head and broke my
I cracked my head and broke my
I cracked my head and broke my heart
Everything just comes down
It falls around me
'Cause, well...
Everything just falls uhhhh

So woe is me
It all falls apart you see
So woe is me
It all fell apart

But I cracked my head and broke my
I cracked my head and broke my
Everything just falls a...”

 

“DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!” roared Ranma after the song had ended, before his signature ki attack went sailing into the distance. Those in attendance were now scared absolutely shitless, and it only got worse as he walked past them to return to the house, his expression now that of outrage and hate.

 

“Run Akane!” prompted Genma just seconds before the back entrance was cleared of traffic. She was too paralyzed to move, even as Ranma literally went *through* his father to get to her.

 

“Two years and change of trying my best has gotten me jack shit,” he spat, self-loathing radiating off of him in waves. “I let you `vent' on me the entire time, hoping that just maybe you'd get rid of the damned anger of yours. I know when it got worse; when that demon arrived. It was immediately after the Reversal Jewel incident.”

 

“That's enough!” bellowed Demon-Head Soun, only to have his manifestation fizzle and die when Ranma turned his head to look in the direction of the Tendo Patriarch. On the youth's forehead was an inverted triangle, split by the width of his nose.

 

“Where was I? Oh yes,” continued Ranma, his emotions suddenly gone. As the room temperature continued to drop, everybody else slowly backed away. “I loved you, and killed a God to save you. I've thrown away cures to my curse to keep you alive and unharmed. For what? The same thing I actually expect out of everybody in my life. `No more use for you Ranma, time to crush you like the ant you are' . . .”

 

“You think this is easy?” demanded Akane, some of the old flair coming back. “Let me clue you in to the real world: IT DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU! Do you get it now? This is killing me inside, and-.”

 

Something had gone horribly awry here, and John was at a loss as to what. Angela wasn't offering any type of a translation, so he had to entertain himself with his senses. Whatever that young lady had just said to the enraged young man was somewhere around `just nuked you, so sorry' range.

 

Many others had expected physical blows. When Ranma twitched, they feared the worst for Akane. After a short pause and there was nothing amiss, they collectively exhaled.

 

“Just in case you haven't gotten a clue,” barked Ranma from behind Akane. Nobody was certain when he had gotten there though, with his belongings in hand no less. “Ryoga is P-chan. P-chan is Ryoga. If I ever see you again, I`ll break your fucking neck.” With that, he leapt onto the wall surrounding the house. “The rest of you, I'm sorry you had to witness that. I'll be in touch when I know I won't kill anybody.”

 

Then he was gone, his departure so sudden that the section of wall he had been standing on caved in from the pressure.

 

“NO!” screamed out several female voices at once, realizing that he might indeed never come back . . .

 

****----

 

“Why us?” lamented Seina ten minutes later to his only traveling companion.

 

“Because we get to share in this trouble,” replied Tenchi, speaking in riddles to hide his own confusion.

 

“Yeah right, it's more like the other men were too scared out of their mind to attempt this,” drawled out the GP Captain. There was some truth to his statement, as Soun, Genma and Mousse looked ready to `take a load off of their mind' at the drop of a pin. That John fellow looked more confused than anything else, thus he was able to hide in the woodwork as a bystander.

 

“At least we can get away from them for a while,” reasoned the Juraian Prince. He had no quarrel with spending time with those in his life, it was just that their antics could get way out of hand in a heartbeat.

 

“No argument there,” he agreed, before pausing in mid-step. “Tenchi, do you hear that?”

 

Straining his hearing, he did indeed hear a sound. Giving a nod in the affirmative, the pair headed towards a bridge over the canal. Once they realized that the sound was coming form underneath, the duo found the slightly worn-in path that led to the area below.

 

It was there that they found Ranma. A now female Ranma bawling her eyes out at the injustice of it all. She didn't notice the approach of the rather noisy-by her martial arts standards-duo until she found herself sandwiched between them.

 

“Damn her,” sobbed at Ranma five minutes later, “Everything I've ever done; for naught. I just don't understand what's wrong with me beyond the faults drilled into me by Pops. I always speak what's on my mind, I go out of my way to *try* to keep her happy . . .” then she finally became aware of her new found friends, their appearance startling her.

 

“Ranma,” straight to the point went Tenchi, “there is really nothing that absolutely says that you have to stay with the Tendo's. Or Nerima, for that matter.”

 

“And just where would I go?” she queried, “There are a *select* few in this prefecture that I do actually care about. I couldn't just . . . abandon . . . them like that.”

 

“Okay then, what about a vacation?” tried Seina. “You know, for all of the places I've been in this galaxy, I haven't been anywhere else on Earth. It would be . . . different, to be `landlocked'.”

 

Ranma had opened her mouth to shoot their ideas down, then paused to really think about what the younger man had just said. The more she thought about it, the more it appealed to her.

 

“Not a bad idea, but I see several holes,” Tenchi beat her to the punch, he himself realizing that for all of their wacky adventures he hadn't even bothered to think about the other things his homeworld had to offer.

 

“I bet those several holes have names,” quipped the redhead, a half-formed smile adorning her face. She had been thinking along a similar track, trying to feel out with her emotions just what the best option would be.

 

“The hard part would be getting them to behave,” came from Seina, his focus elsewhere as he thought out loud. “I'd put money on the girls for not having left Japan.”

 

“I'd match that with the Amazons only knowing China and Japan,” countered Ranma, her mood greatly improved as she mulled over the idea.

 

“Oh, this will be so much *fun*!” declared Tenchi, his rare evil streak coming to the fore as the three continued to plot.

 

****----

 

Back at the Dojo, things had settled down.

 

All it had taken was Soun and Nodoka blocking the stairs to prevent Armageddon, at least for today.

 

John and Angela were enjoying some of the famous Japanese tea, a blend of green leaf with a touch of sakura for a kick. They were being ignored again as the female residents were alternating fretting over the sudden departure of Ranma and plotting the demise of Akane. Two of the three adults were doing their best impersonation of bouncers, keeping the more amorous ones from getting anywhere near the youngest Tendo.

 

The third was raiding the fridge, thinking that nobody was looking. Three guesses here, and two don't count.

 

As for the said Tendo, she was sitting at the top of the stairs, looking at nothing. Her gaze was completely unfocused, her thoughts and emotions in great disarray after the demon had vacated the premises of her mind.

 

“Sounds good to me,” the entire house heard the voice of Tenchi as he came in through the rear entrance. There was apprehension that he was only talking to Seina, which was quickly turned into paste as Ranma followed in behind the Juraian Prince. Seina brought up the rear, his ultra-rare smirk in place.

 

“Kami, save us all,” whispered the families of both Masaki and Yamada. It was bad enough that Seina looked like he had just plotted something uber-evil. To find a matching smirk on Tenchi's face spelt in no uncertain terms disaster looming on the horizon.

 

“You, move,” barked Ranma at the roadblock at the top of the stairs. Those that had known him for some time were shocked to hear him speak to one he had cared for with such malice.

 

“Ranma . . .,” began his mother, only to be silenced by a glare from her son. It wasn't a threatening glare, it was one that spoke volumes about people minding their own at the moment.

 

The red mane of Ranma disappeared into the upstairs furo, her pack making a *thud* as it impacted the floor once she was inside.

 

“. . .going on vacation?” caught Nodoka's attention, forcing her to look in the direction the outburst had come from. The two that had gone out to find Ranma were now standing side by side, innocent smiles hiding their mirth within.

 

“We'll let him explain it,” stated Seina before becoming silent yet again.

 

“BOY!” roared the voice of Genma upstairs, causing every head to swivel in the direction of the stairs. They didn't have to wait long and the fat oaf came sailing down, out for the count.

 

“Piece of shit,” grumbled a male Ranma. “Leave me alone, got it?”

 

“I don't think he can hear you,” joked Nabiki, her being the only one brave enough to gain the attention of Ranma at the moment.

 

“Bah, useless as always,” grumbled Cologne, her interests at the vacation remark piqued.

 

“Ranma, what's this about a trip somewhere?” came the soft voice of Kasumi. Those that knew her could hear the volumes hidden within her seemingly innocent question.

 

Everybody minus Tenchi and Seina felt their hackles rise as he fired off his best shark smirk, the one that went with `I'm going to enjoy this'. Even John felt the pure evil intent behind the smirk, before even hearing the translation.

 

“I dunno if I should tell you people,” said a sudden sullen Ranma. “I just want to travel around, see places that I never have. Then again, I want those places to stay standing . . .”

 

Hook

 

“Yeah, it probably would be better if we went alone,” chimed in Tenchi while doing his best impersonation of his grandfather. “After all, there's got to be so much more to this planet. I know there're many places I'd like to explore.”

 

Line

 

“Me too,” continued Seina. “A book or movie just doesn't cut actually being there to see it for yourself. Such a shame though, us three traveling around without our friends as we want our surroundings to stay intact.”

 

Sinker

 

“I'LL BEHAVE!” roared the crowd, causing them to miss the smirk of celebration on the faces of the trio. John felt the urge to panic though, knowing just what kind of response these people would get if they unleashed their usual mayhem on the world at large.

 

“Excellent,” groused Ranma, the tips of his fingers tapping against each other in sequence from pinky to index and back. “Of course there will be *rules* to follow.”

 

“Absolutely no random violence of any sort,” barked Tenchi, directing the comment to all.

 

“No use of the `powers',” picked up Seina. At this point, the others grew suspicious that this was planned out on the twenty minute sabbatical of Ranma.

 

“No unnecessary nudity, flirting, fighting, glomping, doe eyeing or whining,” finished Ranma, arms crossed daring anybody to challenge him on the matter.

 

“We've been set up,” deadpanned Nabiki, her keen mind having deciphered the series of events rather quickly.

 

“Line `em up, knock `em down,” again smirked Ranma, this time allowing his amusement to show in his eyes. “Seriously, those are the stipulations. So, who wants to explore this supposed, as I've been told, backwater mudball and see what's out there?”

 

The question had been posed, and the answers were quick in coming. It was no surprise that Tenchi's crew and Seina's crew were bound and determined to tag along, even with the promise that if they blew something up or pissed somebody off unnecessarily that they would be launched into the sun.

 

Ranma, tired of being walked on, now looked like the lord of the domain. He stood, arms crossed, staring those in his life down while waiting for any negative response.

 

“I wish to go with you,” spoke up Tokimi, her motives not forgotten. “If nothing else, eventually you'll have to learn the control mechanisms behind the power you now possess.”

 

“You're not leaving me behind,” came from a pair of unexpected sources. The room had grown silent to alternate staring at the two that had just made that declaration.

 

“Not again, ever,” continued Kasumi, somehow pulling off a look of anger and sadness at the same time. Nabiki nodded instead of commenting, agreeing on what her sister had just said.

 

The Amazon and the Chef leveled a glare at Ranma, not believing that he had dropped one fiancée to add two more. Granted, Nabiki would probably lose out in the War, but gentle Kasumi had the upper hand in treating Ranma like a person, not an automaton. They shared a look, before sagging their shoulders.

 

“Count us in,” Ukyo said for the pair, her mind still having difficulties wrapping itself around the latest development.

 

“Okay then,” said Ranma, surprising the others by not giving anybody else a chance to speak up. “Nabiki, you're good with this kind of stuff. By all means, work your voodoo. Please.”

 

The fathers looked put out, how Genma could do so unconscious was a mystery, while Nodoka looked devastated. She made a silent pleas with her eyes to anybody for some assistance and was snubbed for her efforts.

 

“What about me?” quietly questioned Akane, before wishing she had kept her mouth shut.

 

“Kasumi, if you would please reiterate my earlier objections to her talking,” he managed to make it sound like a pleasant request, but the shaking of his arms as he held his anger in check gave away his present state of mind.

 

“Now son, that's not nice,” tried to admonish his mother, only to have a glare directed at her again.

 

“Don't even start on me mother,” he nearly spat the word, even as in the background Kasumi could be heard ushering Akane back to her room. “I have had enough, and I now run my life. Don't like it, there's the door.”

 

“Speaking of, that's our cue,” spoke up John, grabbing Angela by the left arm and leading her out the front entrance. He said something to her, to which she looked perplexed about before turning to the others.

 

“John says stay out of Los Angeles. We've got enough problems as it is,” she said in her heavily accented Japanese. Then they were out of the house, a bright flash signifying their departure.

 

“That was different,” commented Cologne, before turning to the still fuming Ranma. “Count me out. I'll hold down the fort here as no doubt your rivals will go willy-wonkers when they learn of what has transpired here.”

 

“Son, why are you so hostile to your mother?” questioned Soun, totally perplexed by the goings on.

 

Ranma was pulled from thinking about the rivals, especially Ryoga and Kuno as those two would go absolutely ape-shit when they learned of what had happened to their princess.

 

“You call this hostile? I'm not the one trying to lord over everybody with a katana in hand. I'm not the one that's so self-centered that the actions of my . . . partner . . . are actually considered good!” responded Ranma, before deciding to take a roll of the dice. “Let me ask you something. If Kimiko were alive, do you honestly believe that you'd even know my parents? Survey says not bloody likely by a two thirds majority.”

 

Soun became quiet. He was given something to think about, and with his counterargument out for the count at the base of the stairs he had nothing to go with.

 

“What do you mean a two thirds majority?” asked Nabiki, treading carefully as this was a sensitive subject. She glanced at her sister, only to see her smiling like she had just been given the keys to Heaven's Kitchen.

 

“What he means,” Kasumi answered for Ranma, finally glad that somebody had noticed. She had to restart as her thoughts went from jumbled to coherent. “What he means, is that you and I took after Mother. We are the closest to normal in his life, even if you go overboard with your schemes and I get too oblivious at times.”

 

“Oh Ranma!” cried out Nabiki, finally understanding why her eldest sister looked so happy. She had been noticed for herself, not for the actions of her ways, her father or youngest sister. The two leapt forward, smothering the Saotome youth and causing him to fall to the floor.

 

“Give him time Nodoka,” said Soun, surprising those in the know. “He made a very valid point, my dear departed wife didn't like either of you. I still associated with Genma just to be a `bad boy', I guess. I got so wrapped up in the joining of the schools, the salvaging of both of our names after training under the Master that I lost sight of that fact. Let him go on this vacation, and perhaps while they're gone we can work on rebuilding what we have lost; to plan for the future.”

 

“DAMN!” swore those that were going to go wandering about the globe. They needed to pack and work on the logistics of moving around twenty people. Nabiki cornered Washu, as the scientist had mentioned something about having the funds just `laying about'. Kasumi was commandeered by Sasami to attempt to organize the meals.

 

“This should prove to be most interesting,” commented Tenchi as he started to head for the door. “We'll be back tomorrow so we can get this party started.” With that, he urged his party outside before something could pop up to ruin their plans.

 

“We'll be back also,” added Seina as his ushered his group out the back door. “I know we can't travel in the cabbits, no matter how much we want to. Anyway, we'll be ready to go on our end.” With that, they to headed out leaving the Nerimans to their own devices.

 

Meaning the second they were gone, chaos erupted.

 

Nabiki had commandeered the phone to try to find a flight from Tokyo to somewhere while at the same time trying to procure three sixteen passenger vans to accommodate their needs. Kasumi alternated between `defending' Akane and getting dinner ready. Defending as in running interference whenever Ukyo, Shampoo or, as much as it disturbed her, Ranma would try to get near her youngest sister.

 

Soun's counterargument had awoken from his unscheduled nap, and upon seeing his wife in a catatonic state went ballistic. Genma was running two fronts, one was talking Soun into being mad at the boy while the other was attempting to attack said boy.

 

“Damn it, boy!” roared the elder Saotome. He had managed to corner his son upstairs, and all activity below stopped as they strained to listen into their argument. “This is going too far! What the hell did you do to her?!”

 

“Which `her'?” came Ranma's voice, causing more than a few to blink owlishly before realizing that with three females in the house that were not happy with him he didn't honestly know.

 

“YOUR MOTHER!” screamed Genma, outraged that his insolent child had dared to ask such a question. “AND AKANE! WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO THEM, YOU WORTHLESS HELLSPAWN!”

 

There was a sudden urge to vacate the house as a light snowfall came from upstairs. The silence stretched on for a few minutes, before Ranma spoke again.

 

“Hellspawn? Must have gotten it from you,” he spat, gaining momentum. “You want to start your shit with me? Say one more word about anything, and you shall go the way of Saffron.”

 

Cologne flew up the stairs, hopefully to prevent the veiled-with-a-piece-of-glass threat from coming to be. She had no love for Genma, none whatsoever. It was more a matter of keeping Ranma from doing something he would regret later.

 

“That's it!” Genma's voice boomed all over the neighborhood now, surprising many that knew the yahoo for rarely getting this angry and not faking it. “Get out of my sight, you honor-less piece of garbage! I don't have a son, I've never had a son, and if anybody comes looking for you I know nothing!”

 

“Ranma, stop!” demanded Cologne, drawing a picture of the boy having his father in a headlock and was this close to removing his empty skull from the rest of his fat body.

 

“Damn it Genma,” grumbled Soun, causing more owlish blinking. “You bring all of your problems into my house then unload them on the boy, then when he doesn't bend to your will you toss him aside.” Now angry himself, he started to head upstairs when Ranma spoke next.

 

“The next time we cross paths will be the last,” he deadpanned. “Special techniques or not, I really don't care anymore. Now GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!”

 

WHAP! BAM! CRASH!

 

Ranma came stomping down the stairs, his face red in anger. He took in those in the house, staring at him like he had grown a second head. Turning to the Tendo patriarch, he slightly bowed.

 

“Sorry for getting presumptuous, but I do consider this place my home. No matter which clan I am in.”

 

Soun went from bewildered to happy as the chance for his daughters to have the life he had always dreamed of had decided that this was his roost, and there was not going to be much of a chance at getting him out.

 

“No problem, son. I'm glad that you have come to see this house as a home, instead of what Genma probably thought it was: a free hotel.” Turning to the still out of it Nodoka, he studied her form for a minute before speaking to Ranma again. “What do you want to do with her?”

 

The answer came from a different source, as a pot of water that had just been on the stove poured over the woman. She sputtered a few times before looking into the oddly cold eyes of Kasumi.

 

“So, did you hear what just happened or are you still in your fantasy world?” asked the eldest Tendo sister, somehow making it sound sweet while being colder than Nabiki on one of her better days.

 

“Kasumi!” gasped out several people, Ranma included. Although, from the way that Soun was now sweating bullets he had a hunch that this was what Kimiko was like.

 

“That was hot, you know,” finally chimed in Nodoka, knowing just how ridiculous that sounded. She looked around the room before her shoulders slumped. “I see.”

 

The residents of Nerima, and the oddly silent but still there Tokimi, where glaring daggers at her. She looked completely lost before the back door exploded inwards revealing Genma in a `righteous' fury.

 

“You get away from her!” he bellowed, charging into the room. She was slow to respond to the action occurring around her and was surprised when the Saotome honor blade was lifted off of her person. That stopped Genma short as Ranma held it at two points: the hilt and three quarters of the way down the blade which was still encased in its sheath.

 

“Back already? Do you really wish to die?” he taunted, flexing the katana a couple of times to test the breaking strength. He knew that he didn't need a weapon to finish off this nuisance, but it would give the bald man his due if the sword were shattered before his very eyes.

 

“Don't!” cried out Nodoka while not making a move to actually stop him if he tried. She was now cursing Genma to a slow, painful death for the problems he had brought into their life.

 

“I want the two of you to get out,” chimed in Soun, looking ready to assist Ranma. “Get out, and never return unless he,” here he gestured to the boy, “invites you.”

 

“Tendo!” shouted the pair, not believing that he was now defending Ranma instead of taking their side as was his established pattern in the past.

 

“You heard the man, out you go!” came the cheerful voice of Ukyo, seeing a chance to cement her allegiances to Ranma. And it would be fun to beat on the Panda-man.

 

“Yes. BAI-BAI!” Shampoo followed her lead, which was a first considering that she rarely followed.

 

The pair split up, and began the process of evicting the Saotomes off of the property. Nabiki had jotted a quick bill for repairs to the house and stuffed it in Genma's mouth. This served two purposes as it kept him quiet while it drove the message home that he had just FUBAR the entire situation.

 

“Ranma, please!” shouted his mother, eyes locked onto his. She could truthfully not care about the Saotome name as she had married in, not the other way around as most people thought. “Stop this madness!”

 

“You brought it upon yourself, Saotome,” he barked in return. “I guess you didn't hear him then. He tossed me out of the clan. So as Shampoo said, BYE-BYE!” With that, he flexed his arms and broke the katana before throwing the pieces out onto the street. The neighbors were in complete shock that he had done so with his bare hands, even though they snubbed the pair of adults as they landed butt first on the pavement.

 

“And stay out!” yelled Nabiki, being a noncombatant she waited until the physical work was done to voice her opinion. “This house doesn't welcome those without honor!”

 

“Enough of worrying about those two,” calmly said Ranma after he shut and locked the gate. “We have much more important things to do, such as getting ready for our trip.”

 

**--(The next day)--**

 

Like they had promised, Ranma's new friends had returned to the Dojo. Tenchi and Seina were grumbling about `women and their damned luggage' as any male is wont to do. The sight that greeted them was not what they were expecting though.

 

The residents of Nerima looked ready to keel over at any moment from sheer exhaustion. Kasumi was fretting over how to lock her kitchen down to prevent any Akane meltdowns of the cooking kind. Nabiki was sitting on the floor by the phone, chanting “I did it.” over and over again. Ukyo and Shampoo had apparently just returned themselves from their restaurants, having secured things on their end after an all-nighter.

 

“Sleep,” drawled the zombie known as Ranma. He had been the most active as Genma had made several dozen attempts to reenter the Tendo property. Every single time he had been thwarted by the resident muscle, and was even now unconscious against the outside of the back wall.

 

Tokimi was still there also, even though she had demonstrated one of her best techniques, one that Washu would remember from the times so long ago when the Goddess of Knowledge got technical. She was sound asleep standing up, not even swaying in the least.

 

“No sleep for you!” came the loud voice of Seina, deciding to take it upon himself to motivate the zombies to move. He disappeared into the kitchen for a moment, only to reappear completely confused. “Somebody want to explain the force fields, Claymores, automated defense turrets and the three Dobermans?”

 

“Akane, cook, nuclear meltdown or create new life-form,” grumbled Nabiki, her mood instantly soured even further by the amount of noise these people made.

 

“C'mon folks, you'll sleep when you're dead!” chimed in Washu, having found the Tendo five point one digital surround sound system, complete with microphone and two thousand watt amplifier.

 

“GAH!” shouted those that were half way to slumber land. The light snoring coming from the pillar that looked like Tokimi caused sweatdrops all around.

 

“Great, she can still sleep through anything,” groused Tsunami via Sasami, causing yet another round of the faithful drops. She really didn't want to do it, but there was only one effective means of waking her up when she was catatonic like this. Walking up to her, she simultaneously pinched at the Goddess of Power's butt and right nipple while shouting “GOOSE!”

 

“OUCH!” roared said deity, leaping up and performing the cling-to-the-ceiling-and-hope-the-enemy-doesn't-look-up technique. Then she made a Saotome error, releasing her right hand to rub at the offended body part.

 

WHAM!

 

And now she had plenty of fiber in her diet after eating some of the wood floor.

 

Meanwhile, the Tenchi O/S version six was having a system failure. It did not compute that Sasami, let alone Tsunami, had just goosed her sister on the buttocks and breast. The information technicians were trying to upgrade the parameters of the root command, but some yutz had installed Windows Vista! and it refused the new batch file.

 

Outside of the body, it was obvious that he was completely zoned out. Even though the others did have to wonder why they could hear the occasional fire extinguisher discharge at shorting electronics.

 

As if to prove it would take just a gust of wind to knock the First Crown Prince over, Seina happened to be passing by and had the sudden urge to purge. He let it go as a joke, but became bug-eyed when Tenchi was blown over.

 

“Ah jeez,” groused Ryoko. “I want to help him up, but to be blown over by flatulence . . .”

 

“This is going to be a LONG vacation,” deadpanned Ranma, now seriously doubting the wisdom of his two `friends'. They caused more chaos in ten minutes than he did all day. “That's it, I'm going to take a nap. Wake me when it's time to go.”

 

Ranma trudged upstairs to get some much needed shut-eye, not truly comprehending the signs from the actions of the others . . .

 

TBC

 

There we go, now I have the set up complete! And yes, I'm being evil by not starting the trip yet. After all, a good fic needs some plot, a joke about MicroShit®, a fart joke gone wrong and somebody getting groped.

 

Well, a good Ranma fic anyway. Should generate a laugh or two. Until next time!

 

Ja!