Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ My College Romantic Comedy Was Wrong, As I Expected ❯ My College SNAFU: 11 ( Chapter 11 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Contact 01

 

School was some of the same lectures, but not exactly. Nana prepared a song with the backing band because the singer they booked for the end of semester festival was going to get laryngitis and not show up. Kyouya tried to apologize for weaseling his way into the Platinum Generation he admired so much before he time travelled the first time, which turned out to be 10 years in the future. Haruno used the dates and his current radiation levels from exotic particles to calculate several things I did not understand at all, but I was somewhat mollified that she had been a Nobel Prize Winner for physics in several prior loops. I think she knows what she is doing. Then again, she was also the one who insisted her math was right and pushed the button on the Large Hadron Collider to create the Higgs Boson at CERN the first time. She and her team were heavily contaminated, and most of the rest were probably going mad as they looped endlessly.

“Is looping effective immortality? And why do our memories come with us?” I eventually asked Haruno after a private session in my room, again with the sea breeze blowing through. We were getting closer to the festival time.

“Probably immortality, if you confine it to a limited time. Your Youth essay is quite amusing since you are literally trapped relieving it over and over again, and I will never be a Christmas Cake. When you loop again you should seduce Hiratsuka and nail her unwind button. When her tension is released she’s really funny,” Haruno said, detecting my interest in the oldest way ever.

“I… that’s quite unfair. I can’t possibly lie with you like this. Are you jaded or is this just another layer of amusement?”

“I did tell you it’s been ages since I last saw you,” she reminded, purring and twisted her hips. I sort of lost focus for a while.

“Why do our memories come with us so time travel matters?” I managed to ask.

“It’s the time element of atomic contamination. It’s not just memories coming back. There are all sorts of molecules, bits of bone and flesh old enough to be part of the body in both times experience state change because the universe is complicated when you realize there are actually 10 dimensions and we only perceive four of them as sapient animals,” Haruno shifted atop me.

“Before I jumped last time something really odd happened. I’ve been working on exotic particle detectors and found some that act like radios, but faster than light, only not because of 10 dimensional space, and found signals. ET is calling collect.” She gasped then from the thing I did and her eyes crossed.

“So I should study radio astronomy next loop?” I managed to ask her.

“It would be helpful so I can explain more to you. You would be a better companion to me if you could understand more of what is really happening,” Haruno murmured. She shuddered and gradually sank atop me, drifting off to exhausted sleep. It is possible I got the better sister.

I fell asleep too.

+++++++++

Decentralized science is a somewhat frightening idea. The most barbaric zealots were using it to build nuclear weapons, mostly for economic gains via nuclear blackmail. The more terrifying people were fiddling with the LHC and contacting aliens, and the worst of them was my time travelling girlfriend. With recursive looping I hadn’t the nerve to ask her how old she is, because the “you never ask a lady her age” answer is just hanging there like a bucket full of whitewash over the classroom door, and I’m not that dumb.

Saki, Haruno, and Nana and I took the train northeast to a radio telescope installation called Nobeyama observatory in Nagano. There was a 12 meter dish array of nine dishes, controlled with motors for an interference giving it the size of the Arecibo dish in Puerto Rico. Much like Contact, sifting signals with new equipment installed to detect the new particles across what amounted to an Ansible.

“I started broadcasting some internet radio stations through the transmitter and I’ve been using the system to scan for signals. Efficiency is climbing as I understand how the math works. There’s also the corruption effect working for us. As I spend time here the detectors are more able to detect the signal as they gain additional dimensional resonance. Which is a lot more complicated than I’m explaining it.”

She flipped a few switches in the control trailer and the speakers played Teardrop by Massive Attack. She smiled.

“So this is going to bring the galactic FCC regulators to complain about your pirate radio station?” I asked her.

“Essentially yes. A good analogy.”

“Hopefully they aren’t Berserkers who will destroy the earth and strip it for raw materials.”

“Not a chance,” Haruno denied.  

“No?” I confirmed.

“Earth would have been wiped out millions of years ago. Hundreds of millions of years ago. There’s been life here for half a billion years.”

“But we’re the ones who created an artificial Higgs Boson and recursive involuntary time travel and atomic dimensional corruption. That’s the sort of technical advance that will get their attention.”

“Ah. A signal,” noted Haruno, examining some data on a computer screen. I have no idea what it says. 

“Detection shows Doppler is… wow. That’s fast,” remarked Haruno. “Einstein can suck it. Eight times the speed of light and slowing. And there goes Newton because Momentum law just went out the window. The mass is wrong for the deceleration and energy output, which means they’ve got antigravity and inertial damping. A proper space faring species with advanced propulsion and… oh this in interesting. Really interesting. They have field bubbles. And … wow. The internal field would be within point two of Earth gravity. There could be organics on board. The management of the timing of the systems… wait, how big? Seriously? Sixty Kilometers across? Twenty kilometers thick. And we’ve got atmosphere spectra… normal gases for Earth, nitrogen, oxygen, no toxics or radioisotopes. Okay, that’s really very unlikely. Well, time to try the microphone,” Haruno finally admitted.

I looked out the door of the trailer and there was something huge, covering the sky visible despite daylight because it was blotting out the sun.

A column of light appeared 40 meters away and I didn’t move. Then there was something on the ground which had probably moved very fast. It looked like a metal box with robotic legs which settled and a hum shut down. There was a sizzling on the grass nearby and I saw a burnt line a meter out from the polished skin. Bumps on its surface, probably cameras or weapons, peered at me.

“Haruno, want to step out? We’ve got visitors,” I called back inside. Saki and Nana approached in their fluffy coats and mittens from under the antennas where they’d been having a stroll and chatting about what utter madness this trip was. Aliens don’t exist. Except they do.

A suitcase emerged from the metal box. Then a man stepped out a doorway. Well, I say a man but he was slightly odd proportioned, like one of those aliens from that Star Trek series about a space station near a wormhole.

“So, Haruno. You’re Haruhi Suzumiya and you’ve just met aliens. What do you do?” I asked her, hamming up this moment. The alien regarded us. And the suitcase floated above the ground, gradually moving around our side.

“Your planet is in danger,” said the alien man. “But we can help you stabilize the effect. Please stand by.”

“Ever seen this before?” I asked Haruno. Saki and Nana stayed on the edge, observing.

“Nope. This is first contact, the first time,” Haruno said, her particle detector out and clicking.  

There was some kind of flash of light, which I could feel in my bones and a certain tension was released.

“Got it. Unfortunately, you will be suffering from recursive involuntary time travel permanently. We cannot extract the particles at this level of corruption without damaging your organism function. Please use the following sequence to summon us on your next travel and we may be able to apply the solution more quickly and without quite so invasive a meeting to your primitive world,” the being said.

“Zakalwe. Stop being a dick,” said the suitcase. The alien sagged.

“But I had this whole thing! Why you gotta ruin it, Skaffen Amtiskaw? I haven’t been here since the 1970’s.”

“You pranked Douglas Adams. And started a whole lot of rumors about crop circles with those drinking buddies of yours.”

A whole wing of JSDF fighter interceptors roared past our position. Probably reconnaissance. They ripped into the distance and settled into a wide circle, observing our site.

“Well, this is more fun than Contact at least,” I admitted at the expanding circus.

“Billions and Billions!” laughed the alien.

“I can’t believe you slipped Sagan LSD,” complained the robot, dropping the suitcase shell and revealing a smaller and more sleek wedge of weaponized electronics and field generators.

“Zakalwe, tell them the code. One minute before RITT jump,” warned the robot. The alien said a string of numbers and letters that sounded like music.

“Try to say it onto that frequency you used. We’ll get here a bit more low-key. And sorry for the jump. Side effect of the pulse,” warned Zakalwe.

And then I fainted.

+++++++

I woke up in the past, lifting my head from where I was clearly napping. It was May 6th 2011. I messaged Haruno’s private address and waited a few minutes for a reply. Yui was making happy humming noises reading her homework and Yukino was struggling through some poetry. Haruno responded on my Lines account.

Finally. I’ve been waiting years here. I’m all pent up again. Gather your allies and join me? And bring lunch, she added.

“I’m going to be taking a field trip to Nagano, so I won’t be here after this,” I told my friends from another life.

“Hmm? What do you mean Hikki?” asked Yui curious. Yukino’s eyes narrowed into a glare, a raft of insults ready to be directed my way for maximum damage. Only I didn’t care.

“I have something I must share, because I can’t hold it in anymore. Yukino… I’m dating your sister. We’re serious about it too. I’m off to elope and become a professional radio astronomer at Nobeyama.”

“How did you know..? You DO know my sister!” complained the ice princess.

“You’re a nice girl, Yukino, and I’ll always treasure our time together, but I’m really serious about your sister. She’s a timelord and I’m a companion. We’re just meant to be together,” I insisted.

“Yui, you’re sex on wheels. Don’t think I’m not regretting leaving you for the mature version you’ll someday become. I do have a request. I want my first kiss to be with you,” I asked. She stood up, and I swept her into my arms, gave her a searing kiss that left us both gasping and her shirt pointed.

“If you find life starts to feel repetitive, come find me and I will explain,” I urged her, her eyes glassy. I helped her back into her seat where she sagged. I grabbed my silly school bag and grinned. Then I headed for the teacher’s offices.

“Shizuka, I am withdrawing from school. I need to become a radio astronomer.”

“But why?” she wanted to know, somewhat amused and very disbelieving. She crushed her cigarette out into a pile of around 100 of them in an ashtray, a truly comedic mess.

“If I tell you, I have to sleep with you. And you won’t get over that,” I warned her.

“Hachiman, if I hear that claim from another teenage boy I’m going to scream,” she snarled, readying her comedy punch fist.

“I’m heading for Nagano. Stay or go, but give me the paperwork. I can test out later.” She snarled, growing more frustrated.

Some female voices approached from the hallway, arguing loudly.

“Sensei, that BOY just assaulted Yui,” complained Yukino loudly, slamming the teacher’s office door open. Several of the teachers turned to regard the Ice Princess, then went back to their paper grading hell with disinterest. These sorts of claims happened all the time, usually made by the more difficult girls less blessed by the puberty fairy.

“He didn’t assault me. He kissed me. It was dreamy, but he’s being pretty weird and says he’s quitting… Oh hey Hachiman. Are you really quitting club?” asked Yui, noticing me with the forms half filled out.

“Yes. Important things are happening. I need to get Saki and get to Nagano. Sensei, if you’re coming we need a van if we’re taking these two as well. Its that or a train and then a shuttle up the mountain. I think the observatory has those if I call ahead. I texted Haruno. She confirmed.

“Okay, to the train station!” I said, pointing out the door dramatically. “And bring a coat and some mittens and a warm hat. The observatory is up the mountain. It is cold up there. There will almost certainly be snow.”

So we departed the school and I gathered up Saki and my sister and Taishi wanted to come along so I got coats and my phone charging cable and we took the bus to the Chiba train station to Tokyo, got to the national station and then took the train to Nagano at over 320 kph, which is really fast. The scenery flew by and the sun set and little sister fell asleep and drooled onto Taishi. Yui fell asleep and drooled onto me. Yukino frowned and kept texting Haruno, who sent her Dad jokes as a response. Since most Dad Jokes are puns, this annoyed her.

Saki held my hand quietly and didn’t answer the references to time travel so I don’t think she’s awoken yet. Seeing a lover this close who doesn’t really remember you properly is kind of upsetting. I can see why Haruno liked to get in my face before I started looping. She was testing me. Saki eventually drifted off and drooled on me. I drifted off for an hour and woke as we reached Nagano. It was dark outside the station and I visited a nearby supermarket, still open, and got some food for dinner, something we could microwave, and some Vita-T, and a box of condoms. Shizuka looked very askance at the condoms as she continued to chaperone this journey to a mountain top.

“Is anyone going to be awake?” asked Yui.

“Its an observatory. They do their best work at night. There’s less interference. Though that doesn’t matter as much with this particular project.” The van arrived and we piled in.

“Before we go, do not use your cellphones. Turn them off completely to avoid contamination of the radio telescope data. Even on standby a cellphone will destroy a nights data and this equipment is reserved for huge money and months in advance.” So we did.

The PhD student drove us up the mountain in the dark like he had done it a hundred times for visiting scientists and grocery runs. We climbed and climbed up the mountain and eventually reached the top where huge dishes and opened domes spread across over several kilometers. There were no lights because the domes were open, and we were warned to adjust to seeing in the dark by starlight. And there was a lot of starlight.

We were eventually dropped off at the researcher lounge and I telephoned, on an actual landline with a cord, to the site where Haruno was working. She hiked up about ten minutes later, glowing with happiness and kissed me soundly in front of my teacher and my sister and all my paramours and friends. There were some outraged gasps.

“So how long have you been here?” I asked her.

“Four years on the mountain. And three years before that. I kept visiting you and you never knew me. You have no idea how aggravating that is!” she complained.

“Saki is sleeping,” I pointed out. Saki stared at me and Haruno, very confused.

“I don’t even know why I’m here,” she said in her very matter-of-fact way.

“Haruno, is this one of your pranks?” complained Shizuka.

“Ummm. Yes, yes it is. I’m going to make first contact with aliens after we eat dinner. So dig in!” and she got herself a chipped plate of the deli food I’d put in the microwave while waiting for her to show up. We ate, Shizuka growling about difficult students testing out of high school.

Komachi looked sleepy, as did Taishi. I shook them awake.

“Don’t fall asleep. We’re going to make history.”

We walked through the dark, eyes adjusting after a while to the starlight, down a smooth road with snow on either side. The air was well below freezing and sharp with dry penetrating cold. It was also high altitude so we were breathing harder than in Chiba. I held hands with Saki and Yui, and Yukino held her sister’s hand as we walked in the dark to the array I’d used subjective hours ago.

The lights inside the heated control trailer were a relief. Everyone settled into folding metal chairs who wasn’t first onto the ratty college couch someone had brought here.

“Okay. Ready?” asked Haruno. She pushed some buttons on a computer and then spoke into a microphone a fluid series of vowels and consonants, pushed a button, and then triggered a broadcast using her equipment, now in a black box going to the array.

“Now we wait. We can nap, but it should be tonight.”

We dozed. I slept between Yui and Saki. Sometimes I woke and Haruno hummed quietly to herself, reading the Hitchhikers Guide To the Galaxy. Fitting. I went back to sleep. There was a knock at the trailer door.

“I come in peace!” said the alien.

We got up, and Haruno opened the door. The suitcase came in and peered around before shifting inside. The alien guy entered, grinning madly.

“Zakly, and Skaffy Anti-slav,” Haruno said, pointing. The robot changed colors.

“Eh, close enough. Do we know you? Your message was very direct, and urgent. With required equipment. We did that part before coming in. So your planet won’t implode.” 

“Thank you,” I said since Haruno was just grinning. “We don’t like to explode.”

“Did you bring the big ship this time?” I asked him.

“Just an ROU. Only a few hundred meters long in your measurements. The GCU is outsystem.”

“That’s going to upset some comets,” warned Haruno.

“We’ll deal with them later. We know you’re here at least. We usually keep Contact low key with worlds as primitive as yours. You’re still using internal combustion engines.”

“That’s because our batteries keep exploding,” complained Haruno. The robot got into a technical discussion on chemistry of ferric-aluminum reduction batteries and the critically overlooked salt catalyst which made it work properly instead of catch fire. “And it doesn’t require rare earth elements either,” finished the drone.

“Got anything to resolve the motor problems? Neodymium is rare, again, and so are a bunch of the things we’re using,” explained Haruno. More technical discussions.

I remembered that the pulse thing makes you loop. I wondered if my friends will remember this, or just go about their lives in the future having been here to meet aliens. Zakalwe was chatting up Shizuka sensei and she was getting coy and moving her hips around. Is it still bestiality if the alien is sentient? I am so glad I’m not a philosophy major, though my time as a radio astronomer was coming to an end. I settled into the couch and fell asleep.