Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ My College Romantic Comedy Was Wrong, As I Expected ❯ My College SNAFU: 13 ( Chapter 13 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Contact 03

 

I woke to Komachi poking me with her dainty finger in the cheek.

“Good morning cute little sister. Did you sleep well?” I teased her.

“Did you put me in bed like a baby?” she complained.

“Yes. You got all cried out. How are you feeling today?” I asked her. She made several faces.

“Bad dreams. It’s all confusing.”

“Well, that’s puberty. Everything about puberty is confusing. I’m going to be joining an after school club soon, and I’ve joined a gym so I can get all buff and impress my girlfriend.”

“You started high school yesterday. You don’t have a girlfriend already,” Komachi declared.  

The doorbell rang. It was 6 AM, so this was quite early. It rang again. I pulled on the white teeshirt again and some track pants, then descended the stairs. The doorbell rang again. My mom stuck her head out of their bedroom and peered at me, then went back to brushing her hair.

I opened the door. Haruno was standing there, grinning.

“Haruno. This is my sister Komachi. Komachi this is my girlfriend.” Komachi peered around my shoulder at the older woman, at least 21 years old and frowned.

“I like the shirt. Looks good on you.”

“Niisan, does that say Househusband?” she noticed finally.

“Yep. Isn’t he the cutest?” giggled Haruno. I gestured her inside and she unlatched her sandals and wandered inside.

“Hasn’t changed,” she noted.

“Are you a cradle robber?” Komachi finally asked, using the unfamiliar term.

“No. He’s hardly a shota.”

“Did you meet at high school yesterday?” Komachi asked, eyes wide in shock and Haruno opened the fridge and found some OJ and poured three glasses from the cupboard like she’d been here before. I don’t think I’ve shown it to her, but time travel is weird.

“Oh no. We’ve known each other for what feels like lifetimes.”

“Lifetimes. Apt.” She kissed my cheek, avoiding my mouth.

“Morning breath, lover,” she reminded. I stared at the OJ glass I’d just finished drinking. My toothpaste was mint. Mint-OJ is one of those universal flavor combos that doesn’t work. I muttered about this.

“The Mojito is Rum, Ice, spearmint and key lime juice with sugar syrup. It’s popular in Cuba and Florida,” contradicted Haruno as I went to my bathroom to get dressed and brush my teeth. My spare uniform was dry and pressed so I slipped into that with the tie and descended the stairs, finding Haruno introducing herself to my mother and father. Mom looked at me, kind of panicked about this early development. Haruno added her CEO card to the mix. I finally got close enough for that kiss.

The room stopped talking to just stare.

“That’s my boy,” said Dad very quietly. Mom slapped his arm.

“I’m hungry, Hachiman. Cook my breakfast,” Haruno ordered. I took off my jacket and rolled up my sleeves and got started with the usual Japanese miso, egg, and rice. No fish, but I used some canned tuna to form up onigiri for lunches. Mom peered curiously at my production, finding nothing to object to in the process and huffed after I got things plated and we ate together as a family.

“That’s nostalgic. And filling enough for breakfast. You want a lift to school?” she asked me.

“Can we drop Komachi at her school on the way?” I requested. Komachi realized she wasn’t dressed yet and pelted up the stairs shouting not to leave her behind. She appeared quickly and I handed her a bento to tuck into her bag. I had my own, ready to go. My parents just kind of stared in shock.

“See you later, Mom and Dad.” I held the door for the girls and we left for her car and went to school. This was not the usual black limo. Haruno was driving this car herself, and it was pretty much indistinguishable from most Japanese sedans. It didn’t even have tinted windows or an obnoxious color. We stopped by Komachi’s middle school and let her out. She waved as we pulled away, looking kind of lost.

It was only a few more minutes to Soubu. She stopped at the drop off area and hopped out in the loading zone, opening the trunk and presenting a laptop bag.

“I got it done overnight. It’s running SuSe Linux so it’s faster than your usual machine, and Open Office. The word processor is called Write. Use the browser to look up stuff if you get lost, or contact me on the Lines App.” The bell rang so I kissed her goodbye and went to school.

Homeroom had whispers and asides as usual and Shizuka Sensei took roll. She looked suitably relaxed. Since the students have never seen her tense, this made no comments. But they kept whispering. When lunch break rolled around Yui worked up the nerve to just ask.

“Who was that woman?” she said. Everybody stopped to listen.

“Can you be more specific?” I drawled.

“The one at the gate. Who kissed you.” Yui looked very embarrassed about this. Saki was likewise blushing without looking my way.

“My girlfriend.” Hayama whispered something to Miura and then swiveled around to stare at me in shock.

“She has a car?” asked Yui.

“Yes.”

“She is older than you, then?” she confirmed.

“Yes, but age is very subjective. We’ve known each other a long time.”

“So childhood friends?” Yui tried.

“Not exactly. The last few years we’ve gotten close. We have shared interests and understand each other. It’s very important in a long term and healthy relationship.”

“But you’re just starting high school and she’s in college?”

“I think she graduated already. She’s running a company now,” I said, not certain. Things change between timelines. “Something about batteries. Her sister goes to school here, over in 1A.” Hayama was choking at this point.

“You okay over there, dude?” I asked. Miura was concerned, slapping his back. He started breathing again.

“Isn’t the age gap a big deal?” asked Saika.

“Not really. I mean there are lots of couples where the man is 5-10 years older than the woman, they meet at work, hit things off, get married and have kids. If that’s not a big deal then why is Haruno being older than me by 6 years a big deal? I’m growing up and I’ll be a man soon enough and we can move in together and raise a family. Or travel the world. Beats being a salaryman.”

And that’s how I got the label of Playboy this time around. I think it’s mostly because the students don’t know the term Kept Man, but whatever. I gathered my lunch and laptop and went hunting the service club room, finding it unlocked. Yukino froze like a deer in the proverbial headlights. Is there really a proverb with headlights? And deer? Do they have deer in the Middle East? Are there biblical automobiles with electrical lighting systems? On reflection I have determined this to be apocryphal.

“Hi. I’m Hikigaya Hachiman from class 2F. I’m dating your sister. You’d know that if you came to the family dinners, but Haruno tells me you have your own place for some reason I don’t understand. I wanted to join your club.”

She stared for a long while, not saying anything.

“Stop me if this seems really familiar?” I try. She blinked. Opened her mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.

“I think I would know if Haruno was dating a man my age. Mother would complain about it.”

I extracted my cellphone and used Lines to ping Haruno to call her sister. I waited a minute and nothing happened.

“Turn on your phone, Yukino,” I remembered finally. She glared at the familiar use of her personal name. Then she got her phone out and turned it on and switched off Airplane mode. Her phone rang. She stared at the caller ID and then answered it.

“Moshi mosh,” she said. A little less properly than I usually hear from her. She’s very strict, very proper. Very crisp. Very fragile. Like an ice sculpture. A little sunlight and she’ll fall apart.

She listened. She answered Hai or Ie-ye as needed. Then she handed her phone over to me.

“So you’re at Service Club?” Haruno asked.

“Yes. I can’t tell if she’s awake or not. Komachi was being weird yesterday too. Remembered my accident and was crying but thought it was a dream. They might have caught it in time,” I said.

“What about Saki and Yui?” she asked.

“I think Saki is awake. Yui is iffy.”

“Okay. Talk to you later. Give the phone back to Yukino-chan,” she ordered.

“Yukino-chan,” I said, returning her phone. She glared at me, and listened to the phone some more, then glared at it and hung up without saying a word. Difficult child.

I pulled up a chair and proceed to eat my lunch, sparing her a glance every now and then. She sipped her tea and glared at me between glances at her book of historical poetry. It wasn’t my thing so I couldn’t tease her about it. Mostly people read old poetry to try and impress people, or sometimes they’re just a historian. I know she’s not a historian. And she won’t be trying to impress me, so the motivation does not compute. I opened up the laptop bag and noted the Mishima triangle logo on the cover. Opened up the cover and it booted quickly. SSD? Yes. Sweet. And with a light OS it came up very quickly, a 20-count from button press to ready. I logged in with the Timelord#1 password and noted my username was 8Man in English. I found the icon on the screen for Open Office and then found the Write icon and launched it. It looked like Word 2010, which was good enough for my needs. I created a file, added minimal formatting for headers and then started writing my newest novel. This would be a third attempt at the Debut Novel prize.

I went a little gonzo, with various asides about the madness of the world, and distracted rants on the nature of life and how history winds around like a python, strangling society and breaking its ribs and crushing it to death. Maybe I took that metaphor too far, but I was doing this and the lunch bell surprised me. I also noticed Yukino was sitting next to me, staring at the screen in surprise. She’d been reading over my shoulder and I hadn’t noticed.

“What’s the title?” she asked.

“Infinite Recursion, or Youth Eternal. I haven’t decided. We should get to class.” I hit save and then sleep mode and closed it up, put it into the bag and we exited the room together. Yukino locked it behind her and we went to our classes separately. I could swear she looked a bit flushed.

Yui and Saki startled when I entered the classroom as the professor was about to start his lecture. I settled into my chair and took out my notebook as he began to speak. Lecture proceeded on more math so I paid close attention. Someday I would need to know this. If I learned it properly I would be able to do something useful with it.

We went to PE after math. It was a good start on my workout. End of school bell rang. I wore my gym clothes to the actual gym and continued my sweaty workout there. Afterwards I walked home and showered at home and washed my gym uniform. This was going to be important. A real workout makes you stink from all the muscle waste chemicals. A lot of this is sweat, which is actually dilute Urea, which is what Urine is. There’s also aldehydes and lactic acid and several salts including ammonia salt which you will smell in the shower later if you exercise hard on a hot day. It’s super-important to replace nutrients and liquids or you end up doing damage to your body instead of creating stronger muscles and better endurance like you intended from exercising in the first place.

When I got out of the shower and changed I heard voices downstairs and dressed in light clothing and the white Mishima shirt. I found Haruno in the living room talking about battery technology and the market for portable devices and electric cars with my parents, who were home early and kind of flabbergasted. This is not a common word in use in Japan. I’d learned it while cramming for Okami Arts. Its English, or rather Saxon, and a thousand years old. I settled in beside her and put my arm around her waist. She kissed me hello.

“Good workout?” she asked.

“Two of them. School PE then the gym. Good machines for weight lifting. Its mostly men, and a couple lady cops and a truck driver. Thanks. How was work?” I asked her.

“LG is fussing on the phone battery plastics contract. They want too many form factors and that hurts profits. I keep telling them big and flat is the way to go with growing smartphone market and they push back about their obsolete flip phones and want to know about better pricing on laptop batteries. That won’t happen until we build more factories, and I’m not ready for partnerships with companies who can’t make simple decisions. Hard decisions will just get epically annoying.”

“Sorry to hear that. It sounds very annoying. Did you know Zak and Shizuka are dating?” I asked her.

“Yes. I have never seen her so relaxed. In the books there’s something about them getting special plumbing where he comes from. Gives them a lot of energy.”

“She needs it. That woman’s pipes were really backed up,” complained Haruno. “Speaking of, you have to make this up to me on Friday night.”

“It’s a date.”

Dad looked bemused and Mom was clenching his hand tightly.

“I need to get you some suits so you can meet my parents again. Mom is so superficial about that kind of thing. How did things go with Yukino-chan this afternoon?” she questioned me.

“I started writing the new book and she got curious enough to read over my shoulder before lunch ended. So much like a cat. Take your eyes of them and they cuddle up.” I petted Kamakura who then leapt over into Haruno’s lap, purring. I wonder if cats can time travel? Probably?

“Are you going to Yukino’s place later?” I asked her. She nodded.

“Hope that goes okay. She was pretty surprised. A lighter touch might be less traumatic with her.”

“Who’s Yukino-san?” asked mother.

“Haruno’s younger sister. She’s my age.”

“Ah, so perhaps you might…?” Mom tapered off at the look Haruno and I both gave her.

“She’s not mature enough for a relationship. She barely tolerates Haruno and can’t stand her parents. We’re trying to help her, not traumatize her.”

“Service Club should help. It forces her to interact with other people,” Haruno said. 

“I will ask Yui to join too. We need minimum numbers and she’s a good friend over the short term.”

“I should go. Give me a kiss,” she said and we did a nice long lingering kiss. I escorted her out and waved goodbye.

“They grow up so fast,” Dad mused. Mom swatted him.

“Isn’t she a lot old for you?” Mom complained.

“Not really. Shizuka is probably outside my swing zone.”

“Who?” Mom asked.

“My teacher. She’s around thirty. Taught Haruno for a year before she tested out and went to college for her PhD in molecular chemistry and engineering. Haruno is really smart.”

“And she likes you?” Mom was very confused about this point.

“You got all teary after that middle school girl hurt your feelings. How did things come to this? Are you getting married?”

“Yes. It would help if you and her parents give permission.”

“When did you meet?”

“Didn’t she tell you?” I confirmed.

“It just seems so… implausible.”

“When you know, you know. And on that note did you want me to cook dinner or should I go do my homework?” I asked Mom.

“I’ll cook. Go do your homework. It’s for your futu… damn it.”

“She doesn’t like me only for my looks. She appreciates my brain too. I get all her jokes.” Mom just threw up her hands in exasperation. I climbed the stairs and found Komachi wearing big earphones and bouncing along to some poppy music. I left her to it and went to my room to do homework. I finished that after an hour and checked on dinner. Close to ready. I got Komachi and we ate dinner with our folks.

“Where did I go wrong?” Mom finally asked as we started to clear the table.

“You and Dad had to work fulltime, twelve hours a day, plus weekends. I had to raise Komachi. I had to cook and clean up and grow up fast. I couldn’t hide from this reality, even when I tried it backfired. I got my heart broken by Orimoto, and then I met Haruno and she wasn’t just some rebound girl. She’s really interesting, and really smart, and she decided she liked how she couldn’t lie to me so we got closer. And time passed and here we are. She won’t just use me and discard me.”

“That’s exactly what I’m afraid of.”

I can’t tell her I’m looping and I’ll be together with Haruno for literal eternity. Mom is not going to understand. I’ll have to ease her into it gently, because Shock and Awe only works on the battlefield.