Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ SIA Documentary ❯ Chapter 4

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SIA Documentary

 

Chapter 4

 

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“Spare him!” Reiko begged as she looked towards Yuki approach the fallen SI.

 

“Why should I?”

 

Her eyes sparkled as she looked at the SI gently.

 

“He… he just wanted to travel… explore… he didn't mean to cause any trouble!”

 

Yuki seemed to look towards Reiko with soft eyes. “Does he mean a lot to you?”

 

“Yes…”

 

“Then… I shall spare him in light of your strong friendship you have with him.”

 

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“That's bullshit,” Buds declared, cutting Reiko off her story-telling.

 

“What!? What's bullshit!?” Reiko demanded immediately.

 

“Does he mean a lot to you? I shall spare him in light of your strong friendship?” he mocked. “That is probably the stupidest story I have ever heard in a looong while! I may not totally know about Yuki, but that is soooo OOC!”

 

“What is OOC?”

 

Buds suddenly jumped when he heard Yuki's voice, but he calmed down when he remembered where he was.

 

After having his jewels kicked by the feministic male hating lesbian, he ran to Reiko, who he had thought disappeared since meeting the SIK (Self Insert Killers) Yuki. Typically relieved that his familiar was safe, he didn't notice the malicious and evil plot that his treacherous familiar sprung up.

 

“Oi, it's not my fault he didn't see Yuki behind me,” Reiko muttered.

 

Quite, quite… but still. It makes Buds feel better if I overplay tragedy, and downplay his stupidity.

 

“I think I ought to get another narrator…” Buds whispered to Reiko.

 

Now, now, no need for that. On with the story.

 

Yuki's appearance surprised our SI that before he knew it, he found himself in front of her apartment. Images of his death by impalement fueled his crazy theory that Yuki was actually the reincarnation of Vlad the Impaler, and had to be almost dragged in by the SIK. Of course, it was just imagination, and one thing led to another, and here we are, inside Yuki's apartment.

 

“What is OOC?” Yuki asked again.

 

“It means Out Of Character,” Buds replied. “It's a term used in my world to describe things characters like you wouldn't characteristically do.”

 

“Hmm… interesting,” Yuki replied, her eyes still on Buds. “It's always said that SIs are quite well informed in the world's situations and even some people that they blend in so well.” She looked at Reiko. “It seems it was worth accepting your proposal.”

 

“Proposal?” Buds glared at Reiko, who seemed to be whistling in her corner. “I knew it! You sold me out!”

 

“Hey, hey! You don't know the circumstances on how that deal was made!” Reiko complained. “I did it for you! She wanted to kill you, but I saved your life! This is how you thank me, you ungrateful bastard!?”

 

Buds wasn't moved. “Yuki-san… was that true?”

 

“It is true I was aiming to finish you,” she replied truthfully.

 

“See? See!?” Reiko smiled in victory.

 

“Though she was more worried about herself, saying that I can have you if you if I spare her…” Yuki continued.

 

“Huu… why am I not surprised…” Buds whispered darkly. Reiko just groaned.

 

“You know… you didn't have to say that…” she whispered.

 

“Of course… it's a useless deal,” the SIK continued. “I already had you, unconscious, on the floor, slowly suffocating. I needn't raised a hand to destroy you, but… I was curious.”

 

“Curious?” he asked.

 

“You never really attacked me,” Yuki stated. “And from what I can gather with that day… you exposed yourself to save this teenage girl.”

 

“He got kicked in the balls for that,” Reiko added.

 

“For the last time, it was a knee!” Buds corrected her.

 

“You must have thought you were going to puke your guts out, eh?”

 

“Look, I do not want to be reminded of how it felt!” Buds declared. “And stop recycling lines from the last chapter! The readers are going to think I don't have anything creative to add!”

 

If they weren't weirded out by this sort of breakage to the fourth wall already, they might find it funny. Or corny.

 

Back to the story… again.

 

“I find you interesting,” Yuki stated. “SIs are quite power-trippers, and at times, never really tend to realize that they are outmatched… yet, I meet you, an SI who was almost undetectable until you exposed yourself to save that girl. And when you met up with me, you didn't even put up with an offense. You have sparked my curiosity.”

 

“Uh… is that a good thing?” Buds asked nervously.

 

“Are you wondering why you're still alive?” she replied with a question.

 

“I am, aren't I? Wow… I guess it is a good thing then,” he nodded.

Yuki ignored his off comments. “I require your service, SI,” she stated.

 

“S… service?” Buds did a double take.

 

“Not that kind of service, perv,” Reiko rolled her eyes.

 

“Oh… well, what kind of service then?”

 

And from there on, Yuki explained about the interest of the Integrated Data Entity of different dimensions and parallel worlds other than this one, and it (the Entity) wanted Buds to be used as a host to gather data so as to expand options of evolution.

 

Of course, when faced with something like that in Yuki's unstoppable monotone, the only thing Buds could ask was “Huh?”

 

And then, with patience, Yuki repeated what she had just said, verbatim, much to Buds and Reiko's surprise… but it still didn't seem to give Buds anything to work with really.

 

“Uh… can you explain…?”

 

“I need you to be the host, as a means of an extension, like a limb of sort…”

 

“Wait, wait…” Buds interrupted. “That was going to be the third time you were going to say that all over again… can't you… simplify it?”

 

“It is quite simplified, SI,” Yuki responded dead pan. “I need you to be the host…”

 

“Okay, okay… stop, I'm getting a headache,” Buds sighed. “What… do… you,” and he pointed at Yuki, “want me,” he pointed at himself, “to… do?”

 

“I need you to be the host…”

 

“Stop! Stop! It's not funny anymore,” Buds flexed his fingers impatiently. “Can you… uh… explain like I'm… stupid?”

 

“Aren't you?” Reiko asked.

 

“Harhar,” he mocked laughter. He looked back at Yuki. “Can't you say it in a less complex manner? Simple words with simple sentences?”

 

“I shall try,” Yuki replied. “You… travel… to different… worlds.”

 

“I said keep it simple, not slow it down,” the SI sighed. When Yuki seemed to stop and look at him, he raised his hands defensively. “Uh, continue, continue.”

 

“You shall travel to different worlds… and your memories of your stay there shall be used as data,” Yuki finally stated.

 

“Ooooh! You want me to do what I do?” Buds asked, finally getting it. “Well… that's relatively simple.”

 

“Quite,” Yuki nodded. “But of course, to prevent you from escaping, you will not be as privileged as you were before.”

 

“Huh?”

 

“Using your existing protocols, we shall deliberate and use that as a base to transport you from world to world.”

“Alright…” Buds nodded, though he probably didn't understand half of what she said.”

 

“You will not be with your familiar,” Yuki replied.

 

“That's good,” Buds smirked. Reiko just took her tongue out at him.

 

“Better news to me than you,” she muttered mockingly.

 

“But wait,” Buds raised his hand. “If Reiko's not with me… then who will regulate my Protocols?”

 

“You shall be given the Protocols deemed necessary for your survival.”

 

“Ah…” Buds nodded.

 

“We shall grant you access to your Language Protocol.”

 

“Okay, that's good…” he nodded again. “And…?”

 

“That is all.”

 

Buds looked at Yuki like she was joking. “That's can't be it…”

 

“It is,” she replied.

 

“B…but what about my Starter Protocol?” Buds asked.

 

“Too complex. It is based on the will and choice of the regulator, and with your familiar gone, you are responsible on how you use that Protocol,” Yuki declared. “With it, you can start as a millionaire or a powerful figure in the world you land in, disrupting the balance.”

 

“My Suspicion Protocol?”

 

“Again, regulated protocol. If you are willing, you can just do anything you want without rousing any suspicion, disrupting the balance,” she replied.

 

“My… Death and Rebirth then?” he asked desperately.

 

“It's a loophole protocol. With that, you may just kill yourself, be born to another AMH world, and we'd have lost connection with you,” she replied calmly. “We will not allow you to use that as a means to escape.”

 

“My Final Protocol…?”

 

“Absolutely not,” she said it before Buds could even finish the sentence.

 

“But this is unfair!” Buds declared. “I can understand my Final Protocol, and maybe my Suspicion too, but my Death and Rebirth? You know the risk I'm taking by going to another world like that? It's like you're giving me a straw and a few pieces of paper to fight a giant spider!”

 

“It is the safest way to conduct this data gathering,” she replied.

 

“Safest? For who? You!?” Buds shook his head. “No. No way I'm going through with this. I demand another treaty!”

 

“Hmmm… I was prepared for resistance… which is why I shall try to appease to your weakness,” Yuki muttered, and walked towards Buds, who looked back at her apprehensively. What was she going to do?

 

She took her hand, and dove towards her pocket, her steps nearing Buds' position. But before he could even move, her other hand suddenly went towards the top of his head. He covered himself with his arms, thinking she was about to punch him or something, when he suddenly felt her gentle hand patting him.

 

“That's a good boy,” she suddenly muttered, still with her monotone. “Here you are…” and her other hand came out of her pocket, revealing a dog biscuit shaped like a bone. “I have many more. If you're a good doggy…”

 

Buds slapped the biscuit away.

 

“What was that!?” he demanded angrily. “Good doggy? What am I, a dog!?” Then he gaped. “Or… maybe… maybe that's it! Beneath that silent exterior… you are actually a…” he paused for effect, “an S&M freak!?”

 

Yuki moved her head sideways a bit, looking at Buds with blankness, then curiosity, then intrigue, and then deliberation. Buds found himself feeling rather foolish.

 

“No, can't be…” he muttered. He looked at Yuki again. “Any reason why you're giving me the Scooby-doo treatment?”

 

“Your familiar said you would be pleased if I treated you this way…” Yuki replied with a hint of curiosity. Buds just stared at Reiko, who looked away, whistling.

 

“Haha, very funny,” Buds muttered dead-pan, and flipped her the bird. He glanced at Yuki again, and muttered, “Look… I'd love to work with you… I really do. But you're like giving me to a den of lions. I can't work out like that… its risky for me.”

 

“I will be frank,” Yuki stated. “You are my responsibility, and a prisoner. Your safety is no real concern of mines. While I would prefer if we both work out peacefully, I would stand nothing to lose by your death, other than an opportunity cost. You, on the other hand, will lose your life if you refuse me.”

 

Buds stared at her. “Take your threats somewhere else, then,” he muttered, turning away from Yuki, and walked away.

 

“I was not threatening…” she whispered.

 

Reiko watched the SI disappear from the living room area of the apartment, and left to search for a place to hide… preferably with a lock. She looked back at Yuki, who just stared at the space where Buds had occupied a moment ago.

 

“Uh… so… what now?” Reiko asked her.

 

“I shall give him time. Maybe he shall be more welcomed to the idea tomorrow.”

 

“Ha! You're going to receive the same answer you got,” Reiko shook her head. “Buds is hard headed, you wouldn't imagine how resistant he could be. I remember the time where he was hit by a Vespa and still had the strength to complain at me…”

 

Correct me if I'm wrong, but that doesn't sound like being hard-headed to me.

 

“If that is the case, then there is no choice but to eliminate him,” Yuki stated calmly.

 

“Oh, really? Well, that's good, that's good,” Reiko nodded distractedly, having a thought enter her head. “Um, but… if you decide to do eliminate him… what happens to me?”

 

“You will be deleted.”

 

“Ah… dele…” Reiko's eyes widened. “Really…?”

 

“Yes,” Yuki replied.

 

“But if he helps you…?”

 

“Then there is no reason to delete you,” the human interface stated. “And you are needed to help us collect data.”

 

“Ah…” Reiko looked around, and checked to see if Buds was anywhere near in listening range. When he wasn't, she approached Yuki, and whispered, “Do you want him to do it?”

 

“It would be advantageous and preferable that he helps us…” Yuki stated.

 

“Well… there is something that might… convince him,” Reiko stated with an odd smile. “But… you'll have to do it.”

 

Yuki just blinked.

 

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Buds wandered to the bathroom, and locked the door. He began to sweat. His thoughts swarmed with the thought that this was it… Yuki Nagato, an SI Killer, was definitely going to come after him to kill him. He refused her offer because of its risks, but then again, now that he had a good long thought about it, he was going to get anywhere by refusing.

 

Maybe he should have agreed… maybe it was too late for him to take back his answer. Maybe… she was coming now to impale him! Oh no! Yuki the Impaler! Will she also bathe in his virgin blood? Or will she cook his heart, and eat it? Maybe the liver… Oh Kami…

 

His hands went towards the lock and unconsciously turned it… maybe it wasn't too late at all! But… he then remembered the gut wrenching feeling of being kneed by Setsuko. Her arrogant sneering face as he had come to her restaurant, begging for her to hire him.

 

Was he going to do the same? Face through hell because he just had no choice? Kicked in the nads as thanks for saving someone else's daughter?

 

“NO!” he suddenly shouted with pride. “I will not back down from my words! I still have my pride! As a MAN!”

 

Yes, yes… while its good now that Buds finally found his pride… what good is it if you're dead?

 

“Oh shut up,” he replied.

 

There was a knock on the door.

 

“SI,” Yuki's voice came from the opposite side, making Buds suddenly jump. “I need to talk to you.”

 

“Uh… um… can I still take back my answer?” Buds asked nervously… so much for pride.

 

The door suddenly opened, making Buds jump even higher. His tongue got all tied and twisted. Didn't he lock the door? How did she even open it? A key? Did she have a key to unlock the bathroom lock?

 

When he asked her that, Yuki just replied, “You unlocked it.”

 

Then he remembered what he did. He felt even more stupid.

 

“Uh… hey… did you want to…” he was about to ask, but then, was stopped when Yuki suddenly moved.

 

A blur. A stab. A pinching and prickling sensation… and all Buds could see after that was moving lines… straight going curvy, and curvy going straight, and all colors going inversely proportionate with their names. Black became white, white became red, red became lavender, and for some reason, yellow became bananas.

 

Anyone confused so far, don't be. I'm just saying everything around Buds was getting fucked up.

 

By the time he came to, Buds could only feel something soft in his cheek, supporting it. He moved his head slightly, enjoying the fabricky feeling of cotton. Wow… he must have thought. This pillow was very soft. He wanted to hug it.

 

That's when he opened his eyes. He couldn't move his hands… they were bound by something. He then realized something else was odd… he was on his knees. He tried to move his legs, but they were bound as well.

 

Now, he thought to himself… what the hell happened? Last thing he remembered was an injection to the neck by Yuki… it must have knocked him out. By why was his arms bound? Why are his legs bound? And why is his ass sticking up in the air?

 

“Are you awake?” Yuki's voice called from his side. Buds head turned towards the direction… and suddenly yelped.

 

Yuki Nagato… from what he could remember, she always wore her school uniform. Her glasses, which was missing, is probably the sign which established a timeline. Buds knew that Kyon was the one responsible for her change and the first thing she ever did remove was her glasses…

 

So… he began to wonder… what are the odds for Yuki Nagato to suddenly start wearing nothing but a lacy brassiere, stockings, and a…

 

“Um…” Buds swallowed. “What is that?” he motioned, with his head, towards her… uh… crotch area.

 

“It's a strap-on.”

 

“A WHAT!?” he shouted immediately. The SIK suddenly began to squeeze something out of her right hand towards her left hand. That something was then rubbed slowly up and down the shaft.

 

“A…a…a…and… what's that?” he asked dreadfully.

 

“Lubricant.”

 

“Lubri… wait! Wait! Why are you doing this!?” Buds asked desperately. “Is this about the job!? Is that it?”

 

She didn't, and just moved away from Buds' line of sight.

 

“Hey! HEY! Answer me!” Buds shook himself, trying to get free from the restraints. It was useless. “Look! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to walk away from you like that! Please… we can talk about this!!”

 

He then felt her small hands going for his hips. He did what he could only do.

 

He screamed like a girl.

 

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The next morning, in the kitchen area:

 

“He fainted…” Yuki stated.

 

“He… fainted?” Reiko blinked. She scratched the back of her head and laughed gently. “Well… at least you got what you needed.”

 

Yes… now for those who are confused with the time skip, let me tell you about the situation. It's now morning, about 10 hours after our SI screamed like a girl. Reiko asked the SI Killer to spill on the details of last night brouhaha, and Yuki, being Yuki, just told it without restraint.

 

“Yes, quite. It's a very effective psychological tactic,” Yuki nodded. “It took me less than five minutes to extract a positive answer from him.” She paused. “Maybe I ought to try that sometimes to other subjects.”

 

Poor Kyon.

 

“So… what happened to him after he fainted?” Reiko asked.

 

“He stayed unconscious for the whole time I was in hibernation…” Yuki replied. “Except for a couple of times he whimpered in his sleep.”

 

“So… he stayed with you the whole night?”

 

“Well… he did lose consciousness on my bed…”

 

If the situation wasn't funny and disturbing, I might have asked Buds out for a drink out with the boys.

 

There was a shuffling movement outside the kitchen. The door knob seemed to shake a moment before turning a few angles before it returned to its original state. Yuki and Reiko looked at the door, knowing full well who it was…

 

The door finally opened, revealing a disheveled, defeated looking boy who seemed to have fought on a twelve round boxing match with an 18-wheeler… and lost after 10 seconds of the first round. His head was down, and unbelievably, his brown skin was very pale.

 

“R…r…reporting f…f…for d…d…d…d…duty N…Nagato-sama…” Buds whispered. “D…do y…y…you n…n…nee…” he paused. He took a whiff of the air. “W…what a delicious smelling… aroma…”

 

“Its breakfast,” Yuki stated neutrally.

 

“Oh… is… is that right?” Buds seemed to nod… though it was hard to tell since his head was still down. “E…enjoy.”

 

He was about to leave when Yuki just looked at him curiously. “Is the food not to your liking?”

 

“Huh?” Buds suddenly asked.

 

“If you prefer something else, what would you have?”

 

“Y… you mean I'm allowed to… eat?” he asked nervously.

 

“Of course,” Yuki replied with an odd bit of curiosity. “Since you have requested my proposal, you shall be under my care. I shall try to accommodate you as I can.”

 

“Yuki-dono…” Buds raised his head, his eyes full of tears.

 

He joined the table, where Reiko noted he seemed to have forgotten about his ordeal yesterday… so she reminded herself to tell Yuki later not to tell on Buds the whole thing yesterday was her idea in the first place.

 

“MMmmmhmmm!” Buds moaned in delight as fed himself. “This is good!” He paused to chew his food, and swallowed. “You know… if you just told me that you'd cook stuff for me if I accepted, you wouldn't need to do all that brouhaha of yesterday, which I suspect was an idea spurned by my familiar who thinks it would be funny to know my perks. I mean, she probably wanted to know how I'd react, her knowing I'm a lolicon, and Yuki being an attractive loli herself, how arousing it might have been if she had a strap on…”

 

Reiko just stared at him.

 

“Now, now, Reiko,” Buds continued, “I am not a bit aroused by the idea of being done in by the…”

 

“More rice?” Yuki asked, cutting him off.

 

“Oh sure!” Buds gave his bowl. When he got his bowl back, he continued to eat in silence.

 

“Wow…” Reiko muttered.

 

“It seems the key to his heart is his stomach…” Yuki stated.

 

“Oh, that is quite true!” Buds suddenly declared. “Quite ingenious, Yuki-dono. You have accurately guessed my preference in such a short time! Aren't you an impressive lady? Yes, you see, psychologically, food is my pleasure and escape of the harsh world…”

 

“Shut up already and eat,” Reiko muttered.

 

“Um, sure…”

 

To Be Continued…

 

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Reiko: Welcome to Reiko's!

 

Buds: And Buds'!

 

SI NETWORK!

 

Buds: Due to the author's lack of ideas, we are now hosting an end show to either divulge omakes, or answer questions asked!

 

Reiko: Here's a question from one of our reviewers!

 

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Ardonius-Servant-Of-Zeta

 

Not to sound insulting, but Buds is...below average. He clearly doesn't have the sense to say "She stayed in my room, I left and enjoyed the night life. Hence the reason I wasn't there." Or at least something like that...

 

Buds: Wait a minute… that wasn't a question…

 

Reiko: (Ignores) To answer… yes, Buds is below average intelligence. I mean, come on, isn't it that obvious? The SI is stupid! He gets hit by a Vespa, gets stabbed by a chick! And then gets kneed in the…

 

Buds: Hey, come on! I was still in a state of shock and confusion! I mean… hello! I woke up the hospital after meeting an SIK! And where was Reiko at that time? Sure, my answer was a bit slow and thoughtless… (continues to babble)

 

Reiko: (whispers) Ignore him. He's just making excuses.

 

Buds: (finally stopping his rant) Now that we got that on the clear… It's time for...!

 

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OMAKE!!

 

“This… will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this…” Yuki muttered in her monotone. “I am your Queen.”

 

“… you know what, let's just skip that line, Yuki-san… you don't seem remotely scary with it…” Buds muttered.

 

“Oh… so… straight to it then?” she asked.

 

“Straight to… NO! NO! STOP! CUT! CUT!!”

 

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Reiko: Hope you settled with a safe word…

 

Buds: I thought stop was the safe word… (shivers) Anyways! Next SI NETWORK we'll have Yuki as a guest!

 

Reiko and Buds: BYEE!!!

 

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Next:

 

An SI… all alone in a new world. With no familiar, and only one protocol to rely on. But wait! Even in the darkest corners of the world, even where no love blooms, a ray of hope is there to salvage even the loneliest souls. Where even the most desperate men survive!

 

That, or they just die. Good luck SI!