Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ The Saint's Magic Power Is Merely Adequate ❯ Missteps and Hangovers ( Chapter 1 )

“Go on in,” Sei offered her date, pushing her apartment door open. She was gonna get lucky. A boring life and happy evening social drinking found a new twenty year old looking to lose his V-card with an office oneesan like her, and she’d responded. Finally, she could get some experience and become a full woman!

“Thanks!” said the cheerful youth with a saucy grin. He stepped forward, there was a bright light, a yelp, and then the light was gone along with the lad she’d planned to bed.

“Shit. This is not my night, is it?” Sei Takanashi complained bitterly.

Somewhere else.

“It worked!” cried someone to my right. I turned to regard the voice and realized I was kneeling on a glowing circle beside a schoolgirl. She was frowning, then turned to regard the voice as well. The man was wearing a dress. This is not a good sign. I looked around. I’d been expecting an apartment and getting lucky with that office oneesan. She was gentle and sweet, the kind who promised a delightful introduction into the adult world. I’d had my first cup of sake, and my first shochu, and I was going to have my first sex… and now I was here and the apartment was gone.

“This bodes poorly.”

“Heh. Bodes. Yes, that is a good word,” answered the schoolgirl, who turned to regard me with knowing eyes disappointed by a lifetime of real world experience. I recognize a fellow cynic.

“I’m Hikigaya Hachiman, of Chiba City. Age 20,” I introduced myself, bowing slightly.

“Gundou Misaki, age 18. I’m a high school third year,” she responded, bowing slightly.

“Did we just get isekaied?” I asked her. She looked around a bit, then back to me and nodded.

“It seems so. Why do you smell like booze, cigarettes, and perfume?” she asked.

“Ah, I was at a restaurant, celebrating my twentieth birthday and I met someone. We’d been heading back to her place and I ended up here instead. You?” I asked her, feeling embarrassed and unfortunately sobering rapidly.

“My friends got to be too much so I stepped out to get some air. It took them forever to admit their feelings, and after they finally did it is kind of sickening to be around, you know?” she explained. I cringed. Yes, yes I did. My attempt to date my high school girlfriends went poorly and we’d sworn off the whole thing after one too many jealous exchanges. Worse, the girls were friends and I’d been forced to move on with nothing but uncomfortable and awkward memories of it.

“Ah, well. I guess I do. Sucks.” The guy in the dress was trying to get our attention. Another one, foppish and wearing some kind of gem embedded circlet on his head stared at each of us before extending a hand towards Misuzu and pulling her to her feet.

“Hey!” she objected. “Not so rough!”

“You are the Saint!” he declared with glittering eyes to the high school girl. He turned away from me entirely grasping her elbow and more men in dresses and guys with halberds closed in behind ushering her out of the room, leaving me with a raised eyebrow.

“What was that?” I asked out loud.

“Ah, forgive Prince Kyle… he’s rather single minded.”

“Don’t let him take any liberties. She’s under age,” I objected.

“That may be difficult. Please come with me,” he suggested, leading the way through another door and down a series of hallways to a room with an ancient sage, if ever that word applied, it applied to this man. There was a stream of words, something about a saint being a maiden.

“Ah, right. Hmm. Well, I am a man,” I pointed out.

“Yes, precisely. This is why the young woman with you was escorted out first. Assuming she is the Saint fits with established precedent in the Holy Texts,” the man replied drily.

“Right. So why am I here?” I asked.

“Well, this has never happened before. Summonings only bring the Saint. We’ve never had two before. Perhaps the gods have a special plan for you. We shall just have to determine that. In time, in time,” he chuckled wryly. “For now you can go to the Institute of Applied Magic and Jude here can find you a place to sleep and something to do in the morning. Do you have any particular skills?” he asked.

“I’m good at writing sarcastic essays,” I answered. In all seriousness, this is my primary skill.

“Hmm. Essays? Is that some kind of formal exposition? So you’re a scribe? I don’t see any ink stains,” he commented, pointing towards my hands.

“I use a computer,” I answered before realizing that won’t help these people. “Do you know what that is?”

“A computer is a scribe who works with numbers, usually as a bookkeeper for accounts, though why that would be a full time occupation and how mathematics relates to expository writing I find myself confused. Can you explain?” he asked.

“Eh… no. No I don’t think I can. Do you know what electricity is? I can see you do not. It is like lightning, but much smaller? No, that’s not helping at all, is it?” I sighed. “Nevermind. I suspect your writing is different from mine anyway. Let’s find out if I have any other abilities later. What time is it?” I reached for my cellphone and found I had no signal, but the clock indicated it was 2:33 AM. “Very late. I need to sleep this off.”

“Right. If you’ll follow me,” Jude said. I followed him through several more corridors, turns and doorways to a graveled yard and a coach pulled by actual horses. Looking around I also realized that it was dim because there were only oil lamps and some softly glowing lanterns rather than the usual electric streetlights. The moon was bright and full, and the stars… the stars… I don’t recognize these stars.

“Oh wow. This isn’t Earth.”

“Ah, no. Is that what you call your world? Sounds primitive. We’ll train you up in modern science, never fear!” Jude announced cheerfully. I climbed into the opened carriage, the box bouncing on its leaf springs before settling uneasily under his weight, with the footman and coachmen climbing aboard outside.

“Yaw!” cried the coachman and we were suddenly moving. I’ve been on a boat once. This was worse. I was suddenly glad I hadn’t drunk any water after arriving here because I was just barely able to keep down my dinner and that shochu was struggling mightily.

What felt like forever and ignoring a stream of words from my host we rolled to a stop at another building, this one built of brick, exiting onto land which neither bounced nor swayed. Regaining myself and my footing I followed. And to think I’d been learning video editing in order to become a gourmet travel reviewer. I had started my own blog on WePipe and reviewed a few trains and their accommodations and food. People were watching my Solo Travel Japan vlogs. And now I was elsewhere, and centuries away from video, much less video editing technology. I swore to myself I would not try and invent paper, regardless. That way lies madness! Madness, I tell you!

We entered the building and I was directed to a private room. It was smaller than my apartment, but it was a place to sleep and I drank from the offered pitcher of water before stripping down my stinking clothes and dropping off to sleep on the lumpy mattress.

The next morning came far too early, with the crowing of an actual rooster outside. It seems that old saw regarding cocks crowing is not so prosaic after all. It is, in fact, highly annoying, as it comes at first light, an hour before dawn. Most people would call that time Dark, or possibly Too Early. Left with far too little sleep and a dry mouth that tasted of… oh God, this taste is horrible. I drank from the pitcher again, rinsing away the taste of sake, chicken skewers, and that oneesan’s preferred breath mint. At least I’d gotten a proper kiss before arriving in this primitive world that believes in demons and saints and hasn’t the foggiest about Direct Current, much less alternating or wireless transmission via packet radio… sigh.

I could kill for a coffee right now. What do I bet they don’t have that here?