Crossover Fan Fiction ❯ The Voices In My Head Tell Me So ❯ SIX ( Chapter 6 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

SIX

 

“Hikigaya, I need to speak with you. Alone,” insisted Yukino. Yui gave her a weird look, but stepped out of the room. I am sure she has her ear pressed to the door, listening, because she’s that kind of girl. Predictable, and not terribly subtle, but at least I don’t find her confusing.

“Hikigaya, are you romantically involved with Yuigahama?” she accused darkly.

“Yes,” I answered, seeing no point or desire to dissemble or banter or joust over words. Yukino made a face then, possibly disappointment in one or both of us. Or possibly because I opted not to deny it and give her sport, since Yukino used words like a sword, to cut and pierce and eviscerate. I heard a whispered Yes! Outside.

“I see. Well, I must remind you of the school Public Displays of Affection rules still apply in the clubroom. If you make me uncomfortable I will report you to Sensei,” Yukino threatened.

“Is hand-holding upsetting to you?” I asked her, smirking.

“As long as that’s ALL you do. Nothing lewd is permitted.”

I stood up and wrote a sentence on the board with chalk.

“That which is not forbidden is compulsory. George Orwell, Animal Farm,” read Yukino out loud. She glared at me, smirking back at her.

“We can play word games all afternoon if you wish,” I reminded her.

Being well read is like having a lot of weapons in your gun cabinet.

Could you be any more American? What is a gun cabinet? I asked the voice.

It is a cabinet in which you keep guns. Duh. Like a gun locker, but with a nice pane of glass to show off how nice your weapons are.

Only an American would think that’s a good enough idea to actually build something like that.

You guys banned guns while my country was settling the West and conquered a continent while you killed neighbors over rice crop failures and family feuds. Guns are still necessary in Western states, where the sheriff is an hour away and the deadly confrontation has ended before he gets there. You don’t have anything like this in Japan. Besides, Samurai Champloo proved you like American Westerns. Same with Cowboy Bebop.

What’s Cowboy Bebop? I asked the voice. Seriously, how old is that?

Came out when you were a toddler. Super popular in the rest of the world, not as popular in Japan. Think Trigun but darker, and in space, with bounty hunters.

That so does not help clear things up. Anyway, Yukino is glaring at me again.

“Are you finished with whatever planet you just meandered off to? I swear you are getting worse,” she complained.

“Cope. I do. What was your question?” I asked her. She frowned.

“I said, I need you to escort me to a shopping mall so we can buy birthday presents for Yuigahama. I am not clear with your commoner’s ways of shopping and require your assistance, both as a guard against foul men approaching me, and for your commoners wisdom,” she finished her insulting request.

You gotta accept this task. It is time to meet she who must not be named, said the voice. I sighed.

“Fine. We can meet at the mall at 10 AM, so the shops are open, Sunday.” She considered that detail and agreed. I now have Yukino’s number and contact info for LINES on my phone. Go me. There are now several girls and a couple guys in there.

On Sunday morning I messaged Yui that I was going to the mall with Yukino to buy her birthday presents, so she could be sure to be there and spy on us if she wanted to. Reverse psychology dictates that she won’t go because that would indicate a lack of trust in her new boyfriend.

The mall building was a hulking five story monstrosity of steel and glass, with an interior with perfect air conditioning I was looking forward to. It was a summer day, after all, and a gentleman waits for his lady to arrive. Or that’s what I told myself.

By telling her she may stay away…or she’ll show up because she’s new to having a boyfriend and wants to make sure Yukino doesn’t try to poach you like a thieving cat. While walking Sable, whose collar keeps breaking loose from the leash, so it runs around, on the bottom floor where you happen to be sitting because Yukino lacks stamina, and you’ll meet Haruno there.

I thought you weren’t supposed to name her? I reminded the voice.

She’s not Voldyshorts. She’s a somewhat misguided elder sister from a political family that’s been carefully trained with a public persona for dealing with the men her father deals with, most of them powerful, crooked, and on the take. They are bad people who routinely hurt less politically powerful girls than her. She also is good at everything, which has given Yukino an inferiority complex. Her relationship with her family is worse than yours.

What do you mean? My relationship with my family is fine.

You have very understanding family, especially your genius sister. The more I see of her, the more intelligent I think she is. But you aren’t upset by this. You’re proud of her, which is a healthy response. Haruno is not like Komachi. Haruno was pushed to be the best by her mother, and she resents her. She resents the life she’s forced to lead, one of perfect appearances and perfect achievements, and all the other nonsense a woman is expected to do when eyes on her can get back to political enemies and hurt her family power and influence. She chafes at this, and I suspect she’d jump at a chance to escape. And Yukino doesn’t understand any of it.

Yukino showed up in a custom white summer dress. A large white hat and big sunglasses hid her features about as well as Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday. She probably thought this was subtle. I’m glad I opted NOT to include Komachi in this outing.

She would have noticed the mood and bailed out a few minutes into the trip, the voice said.

Doubtlessly, you are correct. I smiled for Yukino, which only extensive practice kept the flinch from showing badly.

“So you can wear fashionable clothing,” she commented. “Let us begin our expedition. I propose we take the elevator to the top floor and lap every store round and down.”

“Yukino. I am a man,” I began.

“Debatable. Male, certainly, but you have some ways to go before you are a man,” she argued. Ah, Yukino. You so love to fight.

“A man shops like a hunter. He doesn’t browse. What we seek are gifts for Yui, something cute and specific to her tastes and interests. My hunters instinct says we will find what we are looking for on the bottom floor here,” I said, pointing to a spot on the map. She peered at it, then nodded agreement.

“Acceptable. Please, for today, pretend to be my boyfriend and scowl at any males who appear to show interest or try and approach me. I would find their attentions most unwelcome,” Yukino insisted. She’d been reading Jane Eyre if I was any judge. Why couldn’t she try Shaw instead? Pygmalion is magnificent, with or without comedy music numbers. Another Audrey Hepburn movie, with another woman singing her parts. It would have been Julie Andrews in My Fair Lady, but that was the same year that Sound of Music came out, and Andrews for two Oscars in both Best Actress Roles in two of the four highest grossing musicals of all time? It would be scandalous.

“You’re really rocking that Hepburn look, you know,” I pointed out, holding the door for her. She raised an eyebrow as she removed her hat and sunglasses once inside.

“Which?” she asked.

“Audrey,” I answered. It was sufficient, because her expression showed she understood. Even Japan appreciates classic movies and movie stars from back when they had both class and style.

“You’ve managed to not exactly look like a Yakuza, yet could pass for one on your day off,” she replied after a moment’s consideration of my outfit. I was wearing the fashion teeshirt and Hawaiian overshirt, light wool slacks, and dress shoes with good soles, appropriate for working retail. Or walking miles in a shopping mall in a city of a million people.

When I was your age, Chiba City was a place where Sonny Chiba got into fights with the Yakuza, and a place to dump bodies under all those piers. The water was famously polluted in Tokyo Bay, and the polluted air was noteworthy. Now the steel mill is mostly closed, the shipping port is clean and efficient, and the police arrested most of the Yakuza years ago, putting most into prison for life. So the accusations are largely based on appearances, exactly like when you first met in the club room. How little things have changed.

I grinned at that, both Yukino’s insult and my voice’s expansive explanation.

“That grin is creepy. It will be sufficiently effective to repel unwanted persons. Give me your arm,” she insisted, taking it and clasping my upper arm to her chest, which was predictably unfeminine. I resisted the urge to sigh or comment in any way and escorted her to the section of the mall where gifts could be found. Naturally, she gravitated to the Destinyland store, and the Pan San stuffed dolls. She wiggled the hands and then looked at me speculatively. Its eyes DO resemble my own.

“I can see you like these things. Do you think Yui likes them? Perhaps something related to her new hobby?” I offered, pointing to the cooking store next door. She considered this, before going to the register and buying the limited edition Pan San doll for herself. Package secured, she handed the bag to me and drifted into the cooking store and back to the aprons. There were many styles and colors. She looked at a purple one, inspecting the stitching and pulled on it in different directions.

It’s like watching an alien try to comprehend human objects.

“An interesting color, good on you, but Yui is into baking. Lots of flour flying around. Maybe a lighter color, like pink. Maybe polka dots?” I suggested. Yukino found one like that and examined it before taking both to the register.

“I am tired. I would like to rest here a few minutes,” the slender girl said with obvious fatigue. I helped her sit down and offered over the bags she had me carry before I joined her. I noted a shop nearby with a gift option I’d be exercising.

Three… two … one.

“Yukino? Is that you?” asked a musical feminine voice. She waved away a group of college friends and headed for us. Her hair was short and purple, a bouncy bob cut, and a huge friendly smile and eyes like my mother got when she found something on sale she intended to buy.

She immediately slid in between us, then turned her attentions to me, pressing her boobs on my arm and getting VERY into my personal space. I feel uncertain how to speak to this force of nature.

She’s all kinds of too much woman, isn’t she? Smell that? Honeysuckle deodorant. Special order. She just dares you to respond.

“I take it you are Haruno?” I finally said. She grinned madly at the acknowledgement. She really was the expressive feast, the opposite of Yukino’s reserve.

“Hey, hey. Are you two on a date?  You’re on a date aren’t you?” she accused joyfully, poking my cheek with her finger, boobs pressing on my arm again. They were big boobs. They were the sort of boobs other women were jealous of in a girl unmarried and no kids yet. They were perky and bounced and she used them like weapons.

“Those are quite the ice breakers you have there. Just the thing to push through difficult people, aren’t they?” I blurted out.

“Hahaha, that’s hilarious. You must be Hikigaya. Shizuka-chan keeps going on about you and my little Yukino, spending time alone in a room together every afternoon. Umm. That sounds like a romantic movie setup, am I right?” she teased, pushing her finger into my cheek again.

“Not alone. My girlfriend is there. Yui and Yukino have become friends,” I corrected.

“Oh? Ohh? Cheating already? Is she the legal one? Yukino are you a thieving cat already? Nyaro?” and then she laughed loudly, drawing attention of other shoppers annoyed at how loud she was.

“Yukino mentioned she went to America when she was younger. Did you go too? Where did you go?” I asked her. Her expression soured at that.

“Maybe some other time I’ll tell you. I’m just so pleased to see my cute little sister,” she changed the subject and began poking Yukino instead.

“I’m an older brother myself. Little sisters are great, aren’t they?” I replied. “Especially since mine may unseat your records when she gets to Soubu. Or maybe people will just find she reminds them of you.”  

“Well, its good to have ambitions,” she breezily offered. “I need to run though. Nice to meet you Hikigaya-san.” And then the hurricane that was Haruno danced away and vanished like a ninja.

“Wow. So the warnings about her were accurate,” I muttered. Yukino gave me a sharp look.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, she’s so perfect and outgoing and… fake. All that genki has to balance out to a dark side I haven’t seen yet. Does she really chafe at the family business that much?” I asked the girl beside me.

“Bark bark yap yap bark!” barked a small dog that bounded through the crowd of shoppers off its leash and landed in my lap. It looked familiar.

“Sable! Sable? Ah there you… are?” said Yui, arriving.

“Decided to join us after all?” I mused. I patted the spot recently vacated by Haruno and she settled between us.

“Um… you aren’t on a date are you?” she asked, confirming.

“No. That thing is guarding me, like pest repellent. A bodyguard, in fact. Yojimbo. Like the samurai movie,” she asserted, making a face like a warrior. I hadn’t seen this side of her and it was actually cute. Yuigahama stared at me, looking up and down at my outfit.

“Eh. Okay. Yeah, I could see that. Reminds me of that one guy in Haganai,” she commented. Then she realized what she said and bowed in apology to me. I hugged her side.

“Ugh. You’re doing that couple thing. In front of me,” Yukino complained. I didn’t let go, staring back at her discomfort without apology.

“After Haruno’s harassment, I need some comfort from a friendly woman. Your sister is an apocalypse all on her lonesome,” I announced.

“Eh? Really? Umm. Okay,” Yui decided and wriggled against me, enjoying the contact.

See? Yui is a good girl. Not confused or difficult. Look at what a beast Haruno was. Imagine having to deal with that all the time. Every conversation a battle of wits, and she’d win more than lose.

Yes yes. Yui suits me well enough. And she’s been exercising. Don’t think I haven’t noticed she’s wearing spandex and it shows every curve. She has everything to be proud of, once she improves her cooking.

“I should have expected that you, of all people, would see through my sister’s manipulations and masks. She aggravates me, when she’s like this. Poking and prodding, trying to get a response from others. Never an honest word. Not like when we were children,” Yukino complained.

“You have different personalities. You are reserved, she pretends to be outgoing, probably as a defense. She pre-empts honest conversation, so you never know what she’s thinking or what she really cares about,” I commented.

“There, a cut to the heart of the problem,” Yukino pointed at me.

“You and your sword analogies,” I commented back.

“Yet no less accurate a description of my sister. You are remarkable to understand so much about her so quickly,” Yukino praised me.

“Do you think that maybe she has misgivings about your family business and she tests people like this to see if someone will save her? Is she trying to escape, and maybe her difficult challenges with you are about deterring you from politics? Maybe this is how she shows she cares?” I suggested. Yukino looked at me like I was a madman.

“I withdraw my praise. Your comment marks you as irrational and uninformed.” Yukino turned away from me in contempt.

“We shall see,” I answered. Yui just looked confused.

“Yui you wanna be the legal one, right?” I hugged her. She blushed.

“Ehh? So soon? I mean… yeah, eventually. If we’re right for each other. Eventually,” she managed, looking frantic and embarrassed.

So that was our trip to the mall. The following school day I presented Yui with a dog collar for Sable which wouldn’t drop her leash, and Yukino presented her with a pink polka dot apron, with ruffles. It was very cute. I met her parents the following evening. She met mine the evening after that. She and Komachi chatted a lot together, having me in common. I was simply glad that my porn collection is on my computer, in hidden files with password lock. Print porn? What century do you think this is? Ha!

My inner voice was subdued after meeting Haruno. I think he’s got a crush. I could kind of see it. She’s the sort of complicated woman only a full adult would be able to manage. A teenager or even a college student would be bulldozed by all of her personality. An adult? An adult man would be able to get her to do anything they wanted because they could understand her. And maybe that’s what happened to her in the past and made her this way. Maybe she’s still trying to recover from that event. I don’t know and I probably never will. Yui is simple, but she’s sweet and isn’t confused about what she wants from life. There’s a lot to be said about that.