Crossover With Non-anime Series Fan Fiction ❯ Pirates of the Caribbean: Hot Bat's Chest ❯ Totally Unnecessary and Disposable ( Chapter 10 )

Chapter Ten: Totally Unnecessary and Disposable

 

[The scene cuts to the headquarters of the East India Trading Company. Shadow is walking around, trying to appear impressive, and the G-Man is shackled in front of him.]

 

Shadow: Well, I'm supposed to deliver some pompous speech or something, but I'd rather just gloat about the fact that you are totally shackled. Shackled, bitch! SHACKLED!

 

G-Man: And you brought me (swallow) here to tell me this-s-s?

 

Shadow: Yes. But that's not all! I thought you'd be interested in hearing where your daughter is at currently.

 

G-Man: Where is-s-s s-s-she?

 

Shadow: She was last scene in the port of Tortuga, in the company of the notorious pirate Knuckles the Echidna. They were overheard to be talking about his, quote, “wang” and her “chest”. Ex-Commodore Miles Prower was also seen near the two. I have already dispatched my war ships. We shall soon hunt them down and perforate all manner of squishy parts with cannons and swords and other pointy metal thingies. And because of your daughter's magnificent looks, I am quite afraid she may also find herself perforated…although, perhaps, not by metal objects.

 

G-Man: What do I have to do to s-s-save (swallow) her?

 

Shadow: Oh. Not much. Swear allegiance to me! Help me rule this galaxy! Together, nothing will be able to stand against the power of the Dark Side!

 

[The G-Man stares as Shadow breaks into maniacal laughter.]

 

G-Man: Uhh…s-s-sure. Whatever you s-s-say (swallow) crazy guy…

 

Shadow: Excellent! Remove these shackles!

 

[Long pause.]

 

G-Man: Who (swallow) are you talking to?

 

Shadow: That's a very good question.

 

[The scene cuts to the Flying Person-of-Dutch-Extraction. The organ is playing again, and a bunch of deformed crewmembers are tossing dice around in some odd game that involves cups and shit. The crew, including Sonic and 47, are gathered around the players.]

 

Deformed Guy #1: I wage ten years!

 

Deformed Guy #2: I wage your mom!

 

Deformed Guy #3: Hey, hey, you can't wage that!

 

47: (leaning over Sonic) The game is played with dice. It has something to do with…fuck, I don't know. Not like the audience is paying attention.

 

Sonic: It's a game of bluffing…

 

47: Yeah…anyone can challenge anyone else on the ship.

 

Sonic: I can challenge anyone?

 

47: Yes. Conveniently enough.

 

Sonic: (loudly) I CHALLENGE BIG THE CAT!

 

[The organ music grinds to a halt. The crew falls silent. The audience groans. Thudding steps reverberate across the ship as Big hobbles over to the table where the game is being played.]

 

Big: Oh-ho-ho! I will take that challenge! And what are the stakes?

 

Sonic: My soul. An eternity working for you.

 

Big: And, what do you want if you win?

 

Sonic: I want…this.

 

[Sonic pulls out the picture of the key.]

 

Big: How do you know about the key?

 

Sonic: Doesn't matter…show me the key.

 

[Big reaches into his folds of flabby fat, and pulls out the key. Sonic looks at it and Big pushes back into the folds of flab and they just absorb the key back into his mass. Sonic and Big sit at the table and pull out some die…or dices. 47 sits down at the table.]

 

Big: And what is this?

 

47: I'm wagering my service against his.

 

Sonic: Don't do this!

 

Big: Okay, whatever, let's get this freaking scene over with.

 

[The three guys roll dice in cups.]

 

Big: Four fives.

 

47: Five fives.

 

Sonic: Six fives.

 

Big: Seven fives.

 

47: Eight fives.

 

Sonic: YAHTZEE!

 

Big: LIAR!

 

[Sonic pulls the cup up, and Big looks down at Sonic's dice.]

 

Big: Fuck you. Yahtzee is five of a kind and you've got like…two dice, what looks like a testicle, and…a copy of the Nelly Furtado hit CD “Promiscuous” …

 

Sonic: A friend gave it to me. It isn't mine.

 

Big: Boy, are you talking about the testicle or the CD?

 

47: This is retarded.

 

Big: Damn straight. 47, you're serving on this ship for the rest of time. Mr. Hedgehog, I want you off this ship next time we're in a port.

 

[Big storms off from the table, and the rest of the crew wanders off, leaving 47 and Sonic behind.]

 

Sonic: Why did you get involved? I had a plan.

 

47: Tell that to the Cylons…they've been looking for one.

 

Sonic: Right. The game was never about winning…I had something else in mind…

 

47: The key…

 

[The scene cuts. It's now night time on the Flying Person-of-Dutch-Extraction. Sonic slides into the organ room. Big is slumped over the organ, snoozing pleasantly. Sonic wanders over to Big and sticks his hand right into Big's fat folds. Sonic rummages around for a minute and then pulls his arm out, accompanied by some terrible squishing noises. Sonic yanks his hand free and he's holding a key. Sonic smiles and pushes a small piece of wood into Big's blubber. Sonic then bolts out of the organ room. The scene cuts to the deck of the Person-of-Dutch-Extraction. Sonic and 47 are alone on the deck.]

 

47: Sonic, before you go, I want to give you this.

 

[47 hands Sonic a knife.]

 

Sonic: Thanks…but they'll know you helped me.

 

47: It doesn't matter anymore.

 

Sonic: Dad, I promise you, I'll come back for you. I won't stop until Big is dead.

 

47: Good luck…make me proud.

 

Sonic: I will. And…and…is that a starfish trying to hump your cheek?

 

47: Just go.

 

[Sonic slides off the side off the Person-of-Dutch-Extraction into a longboat, and starts rowing.]