Crossover With Non-anime Series Fan Fiction ❯ Pirates of the Caribbean: Hot Bat's Chest ❯ Ominous Drum Beat ( Chapter 12 )

Chapter Twelve: Ominous Drum Beat

 

[The scene cuts to, in a staggering coincidence, the cabin of the Edinburgh Trader from earlier in the movie. Sonic is exceptionally wet and wrapped in a heavy blanket. The Edinburgh Captain and some other crewmembers are hanging around.]

 

Edinburgh Captain: My, it sure is strange to come upon a hedgehog in these waters…

 

Sonic: Please, you should be concerned with getting away from here as fast as possible…

 

Edinburgh Captain: What? Are you running from someone?

 

[Sonic turns around and sees the wedding dress.]

 

Sonic: Where did you find this dress?

 

Edinburgh Captain: The dress? We found it onboard our ship. Some of the crewmembers thought it was some sign of like…trouble and stuff.

 

Sonic: Was…was there anyone in the dress?

 

Edinburgh Captain: Not when we found it…

 

Sonic: (talking to himself) Way to go Rouge…get naked on a shipping vessel…I wonder, did you take these guys one by one, or all at once?

 

Edinburgh Captain: Excuse me, what did you say?

 

Sonic: Oh, nothing.

 

[A messenger runs into the cabin.]

 

Messenger: Sir! A ship has been sighted on the horizon!

 

Edinburgh Captain: Really?

 

Messenger: Yes sir!

 

Edinburgh Captain: What colors is it flying?

 

Messenger: None sir! They're PIRATES! OF THE FUCKING CARIBBEAN!

 

[The scene cuts to the deck of the Flying Person-of-Dutch-Extraction where Big is standing in the peculiar manner of all villains who are trying to prove some dramatic point. In his hand, he holds the piece of wood Sonic swapped the key for. Behind him, 47 has the nose of one of those pointy fishes rammed under his neck.]

 

Big: You will watch this, Forty-Seven…and you will suffer. Oh-ho-ho, how you will suffer.

 

[The camera pans along the deck, and to a punch of crewmen who are turning a giant crank thing. A large piston is slowly rising out of the deck of the ship.]

 

Big: Let no victorious voice call out! Let no man look at the screen and capture those damnable fish! Let no one beat my fishing levels! And to those who did…they shall face the wrath of…the KRAKEN (ominous drum beat)!

 

[The screw/piston/whatever-the-fuck-it-is thumps down, and another ominous drum beat rings out across the ocean. The scene cuts back to the Edinburgh Trader. Sonic is high (up) on one of the masts.]

 

Sonic: The Flying Person-of-Dutch-Extraction …I've doomed us all!

 

Edinburgh Captain: (yelling) You did what now?

 

Sonic: Nothing!

 

[The ominous drum beat hits the Edinburgh Trader. The ship rocks violently {Author's Note: If I knew anything about rock bands, I'm sure I could put a joke here}.]

 

Edinburgh Captain: What the hell is going on?

 

Quartermaster: We must have hit a reef or some shit…

 

Edinburgh Captain: Well, get us unstuck!

 

[A giant tentacle slides up the side of the ship, and quickly plucks Tulip off the deck before he can say anything. A few seconds later the tentacle shows up like, a hundred feet away from the ship, waving Tulip high up in the air.]

 

Tulip: (shrieking falsetto) Ooooh! This is just like my hentai tapes! Take me, you tentacle beast! Take me right up the as-

 

[The tentacle slams Tulip into the water, cutting him off in a jumble of bone-crushing sounds.]

 

Crew: KRAKEN (ominous drum beat)!

 

Edinburgh Captain: Oh…fuck…me…

 

[Giant tentacles come out of everywhere, and start tearing the Edinburgh Trader to shreds. Sonic is tossed off the ship by a collapsing mast and goes flying into the water. Sonic surfaces just as the Trader is pulled into the ocean. He swims towards the approaching Person-of-Dutch-Extraction. The camera cuts to a pan over the water, all sorts of debris and corpses litter the water. The camera focuses on the floating wedding dress and then cuts to the deck of the Flying Person-of-Dutch-Extraction.]

 

Kerrigan: There's no sign of the hedgehog.

 

Big: Oh, and who's racist now?

 

Kerrigan: I'm going to choose to ignore that. The sea must have claimed him.

 

Big: (all dramatic like) I AM the sea!

 

[Big storms over to the grieving 47.]

 

Big: I think you'll need some time alone for a while. Toss him in the brig.

 

Kerrigan: Sir, what of the survivors?

 

[Big turns and strikes another dramatic pose.]

 

Big: Oh-ho-ho! There are no survivors!

 

[Kerrigan motions to a bunch of fishy pirates, who line up behind the survivors of the Trader who are on the Person-of-Dutch-Extraction's deck. The pirates raise their axes and bring them swinging down. The camera cuts to Sonic, peering through the railing, who winces and quickly hides behind one of the rails. Big turns around and looks suspiciously at the rails.]

 

Big: Hmm. The chest is no longer safe. Plot a course to…(whispery voice) The Island. We must get there first.

 

Kerrigan: First, sir?

 

Big: Yes, first, you moronic wench! Who the hell sent that hedgehog here? And don't even start with that racism nonsense, or I swear, I'll fucking eat your head right off your body.

 

Kerrigan: Yes sir…

 

Big: As I was saying, who told him about the key? It can only be…Knuckles the Echidna!

 

[As the Flying Person-of-Dutch-Extraction speeds across the surface of the water, the camera shows Sonic hiding out in the part at the front of the ship that looks like a crocodile's mouth or something {Author's Note: Yeah, I have no idea}. The camera cuts to show Rouge's dress floating slowly to the bottom of the ocean.]