D. Gray-man Fan Fiction ❯ Circus of Night ❯ A Heart That Should not Be... ( Chapter 16 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I own none of the characters, if I did… well… let's just say Kanda would wear less clothing…

WARNING! Obscenities, Blow jobs, the usual…

Note from Israfel: I'm sorry this took so long but my life is rather screwed up and I really haven't had a home in a while… I don't want to babble but in short terms my father is a drug addict and he was ODing, I've been staying with my friend looking for a job but having no luck and now I have to live with my father again, I'm just hoping he is doing better, he seems to be, but that remains to be seen… at the moment all I can do is hope otherwise I'm going to worry myself into some more stomach problems…I already suspect that I'm bleeding internally… -sigh- also sorry this starts out dull…

CircUs of NIghT

~A Heart That Should Not Be~

The room is well-lit and Allen is sitting next to Cross, is listening to the sound of silverware clinking together, of people talking. He glances over at the man, still nervous and uncertain. He has not been told what to do, what to eat or where to sit in the cafeteria.

…and so he sat next to the General…

The red-haired man frowns after a moment, and sets his fork down. He turns his attention to the child next to him, clears his throat to let him know he is going to speak.

Allen looks up, eyes bright and innocent, too pure for what has happened, for what he has been through.

Cross feels his control waver, fights with his need to protect the other and use him all the same.

“Have you spent any time outside of your room?”

The boy shakes his head, continues to watch the man as if his life depends on it.

“You need to, don't stay in your room all day…”

“Is…that an order Master…?”

Cross closes his eyes and decides that he cannot finish his meal. “Yes…” he stands and leaves the cafeteria after that.

Allen is left alone for a moment, only a moment though because someone sits down across from him, a shy-looking woman. The boy looks down instantly, nervous. He has not spoken to the woman known as Miranda since she returned to the Order, has not said a word to her since he had seen her yesterday.

“H-hello…Allen…” The boy glances up, eyes still large and innocent, almost frightened.

Miranda's composure falters and her forced smile slips from her face.

“…hello…” Allen's voice is soft and hardly heard above the sounds in the cafeteria. The woman blinks, looks down at her food. She wants to ask him if he is okay, but she has been told not to ask many questions.

She knows a little of what happened, not much, just what Komui has said, what the finders gossip about…

“Do you…remember me?” Her voice falters and it causes those clear eyes to turn back to her. Miranda suddenly feels even more nervous.

“No, though Lavi said I knew you…” A small smile graces the child's face and it causes the woman to smile in return, lessening the sudden uneasy atmosphere just a little.

Miranda picks her fork up and starts to eat, tries to think of something to say, to start a conversation with the one before her. She frowns after a moment and sets her fork back down.

She opens her mouth, to ask a question, a simple one.

“Allen…”

“How long did we know each other?” The boy is staring at her with large and curious eyes, with such barely hidden enthusiasm that she cannot deny answering him, even if Komui has told her not to talk about the past.

“For a while now…almost a year I think…”

“…a year…” Allen looks down, at his plate of food that has barely been touched. “We knew each other well?”

“I would like to think so…”

Miranda reaches for her drink when Krory walks over to sit with them. He smiles, tries to at least, in a polite manner, to the boy on the other side of the table. He is thinking along the same lines as the woman.

They both want to get the reintroductions done and over with already.

Lavi is standing in the hall, staring down at his feet. He is trying to think of why he is where he is, trying to think of a reason to open the door and see the other, the one he can't seem to ignore.

The redhead swallows thickly, and shakes his head lightly. He takes a few more steps down the hall and knocks lightly on the large door before him.

“Come in,” Komui's voice calls from the other side. Lavi pushes the door open and pokes his head in, smiles in a false manner, a large and bright smile.

He sees that the room is empty and enters without hesitation, his smile slipping from his face, to be replaced with a more natural expression. “What are you doing?” The redhead cannot help but stare at the dark haired man before him sitting on the floor, surrounded by far too many chemicals and substances.

“I'm trying to make something for Allen, to ease his changing process at night.”

“Shouldn't painkillers be enough?”

“No, not with the data that I've been able to collect and from what I've learned from Bookman, he's going to need something much stronger.”

Lavi stares at Komui, watches the man lift a vial of a strange liquid up to the light and frown. He moves to sit on the ground as the couch is blocked off by far too many unmarked bottles of chemicals.

“How much stronger?”

“More than morphine…”

“…would you like help…?” Lavi can't help but ask, can't stop himself from looking for a reason to be in the room.

Komui looks up from what he is doing, about to pour a little bit of one liquid into another. He stares at the young man a moment, as if deciding on something.

“Alright but get me some coffee first, I haven't slept…”

A smile blooms on the redhead's face as he nods and hurries from the room.

Kanda is sitting by himself on a train, his eyes scanning the report the female finder has given him that morning. He is mad, glaring at the paper, pissed at how stupid the mission is, at how Komui has planned it out so perfectly.

The mission is simple, to check on a town and make sure no Akuma have started to crop up in the area again.

He growls in the back of his throat, glares holes into the paper before him, flips the page. His expression goes blank at the small scribbled notes on it, at Komui's handwriting. Kanda frowns once more, shuts the folder with far too much force and tosses it onto the empty seat beside him.

No finder and the directions to the Order.

Komui has gotten sloppy, his mind obviously distracted.

“Fucking Baka Moyashi…” The Japanese man hisses to himself. He looks over at the window, at the scenery flying by. “What the fuck did you do…?”

He cannot suppress the urge to hit something and so he does, the wall next to the window, his anger subsiding into something akin to a dull annoyance. He is pissed more at himself than anything, at what he feels constricting in the back of his mind.

The platform is quiet and almost empty, it is getting late.

The train is arriving in a few minutes but it doesn't matter.

She is outside of the Order and she feels like she is miles away from everything…

And everyone…

Linalee closes her eyes, ignores the finder that is standing next to her. The man has tried to speak to her a few times and has been brushed off coolly each time. He frowns, stares at the small distracted female for a moment, annoyance clear in his features.

The train slows as it approaches them, creating a slight breeze as it comes to a stop.

Linalee looks up, thinks of trying to force a smile onto her face but decides better than to do so. She is tired, far too tired of faking her smiles and expressions now. The train comes to a complete stop and the two climb on, showing the man in uniform their badges before continuing off towards the an empty compartment.

Allen is standing alone in a hall staring out the window, watching the cloudy sky with the curiosity of a child. He is silent and ignores those that pass by, curious of his outfit, of his shorts that stop mid thigh and boots.

He is doing what Cross has told him, he is spending the day outside of his room.

The boy leans closer to the window, watches as a drop of water hits the window abruptly. He is amazed and fascinated all the same, too curious for someone of fifteen years.

For a moment everything is silent…

And then, there is thunder and Allen cannot help but jump, shocked…

The lightning flashes through the sky, causes his heart to jump, reminding him of the Circus Master and all of the things that she could have done to him, could still do to him. He backs away from the window when the thunder sounds again, bumping into someone, a Finder.

Allen gives a shout, a small scream of fear and surprise before hurrying off down the hall.

Linalee sits silently in the train compartment, her legs crossed and her arms folded over her chest. Her eyes are shut and she is frowning, annoyed at herself for a reason she cannot pinpoint. She shifts in her seat and opens her eyes briefly.

The finder is staring at her and she cannot explain why.

“Something the matter?” The female does not mean to sound rude or condescending but her voice comes out as such.

“…no, nothing at all…” The man looks away, out the window as the world passes by. They stay on the train for a time, well on into the night before it docks at the town they are switching trains at.

The exorcist is the first to exit the train, not wanting to deal with anyone or anything at the moment.

She is wanting nothing more than to just leave her emotions behind, then to just forget how angry she feels at Cross, at Allen for acting the way he is.

The boy who left on a mission all that time ago is not the boy who came back, the one who is walking around the Order in a daze, the one who allows no one to touch him, to go near him…

The one who allows that man to kiss him.

Linalee closes her eyes, fights back the unsettling emotions as they move from one train platform to another.

“Is something bothering you, Miss Linalee…?”

The female blinks, looks over at the Finder, a look of surprise on her face.

She has forgotten that the man is with her.

Lavi is sitting with Komui in his office.

The man's desk has been cleared off, vials upon vials of liquids and chemicals are spread out the table, notes littering the floor around it as the man tries to keep track of what they are doing.

The young man is greatly amused at the moment, though he is unsure why. He no longer feels the weight of what has happened to Allen hanging over his head. He only feels a sort of lightheartedness as he helps the Asian man create something useful.

He knows that he should not be letting himself get carried away but he cannot help it, his mind is most at ease when he is doing something. Lavi watches as Komui jots down a few more notes, about the chemicals he is tampering with.

That is when there is a knock on the door.

The man looks up, calls for the person to enter, and Cross does, looking a bit like he has had a few drinks already.

“Have you seen Allen?” The man's speech is fine but Komui knows better. He has known the other for years. He frowns, for more than one reason.

“No, I haven't…”

Lavi glances over at the clock and sees that it is getting close to dinner. He gives a small sigh, unsure why he feels so reluctant to leave the other man.

“I can go look for him… we need him here by nightfall anyway right…?”

Komui nods, knows that he will get to test his concoction soon.

Cross frowns though, annoyed at something that Lavi is unaware of, something that Komui is beginning to wonder about.

“Alright, I'll tell Bookman where you are if he shows up…”

Cross stares at the two for a moment before turning and leaving the room. The heavy door falls shut slowly and for a moment, nothing is said. Komui carries on with his notes, but stops once he realizes that Lavi has not moved yet.

“Something the matter?” The man asks, raises his hand to push his glasses up and rub at his eyes some.

Lavi stares at him, shakes his head suddenly before turning to leave the room.

Allen is standing just outside the doors to the Order, is staring up at the sky with a mixture of awe and fear. He knows that it is storming now, he has heard the finders in the Order talking and knows that it is something that happens, that one should not fear it.

He cannot contain his curiosity though, wonders how much power is in the storm, how strong the lightning is and how loud the thunder can get. The boy takes a few steps from the safety of the door awning and out into the rain. He moves to sit down on the steps and stares up at the sky.

He is well aware that the wind is strong and that the air is cold, that it stings his skin, but he doesn't know what he is doing, what he is supposed to do. (again the wording is strange “he has no idea what he's doing, he doesn't know what he's supposed to do” - has stronger implications)

The door behind him is pulled open, yanked, and someone is shouting at him. Allen turns around, stares at the person in the door way, at Lavi whose expression he does not understand.

“Come here!”

The boy stands and walks over to the redhead, his hair and clothes soaked, plastered to his skin.

Lavi reaches out to grab the boy's arm but he suddenly steps back, eyes wide and a look of fear passing through his eyes.

“D-don't…” Allen looks down, shakes his head, telling himself that no one is to touch him but his Master.

“Then come inside!” Lavi's single green eye is large and he looks…

“Why…?”

“It's an order.” Cross has pulled the door open the rest of the way, is staring down at the boy whose clothes are soaked and sticking to him.

Allen says nothing more, simply walks inside and stares up at the man before him. He notes in the back of his head, how warm it is inside, how different his body feels.

“Why were you out there!?” Lavi sounds hysterical, shocked and-

“Follow me, you need to get changed.” Cross turns, does not need to worry if the child will follow him, does not need to wonder if Lavi will stop him. He does realize something.

The General stops, quickly, turns around and stares at the shocked young man he is leaving behind. “I'll get him changed and dry. Have his dinner brought to Komui's office, along with some medicine.”

Lavi cannot help but nod, cannot help but feel his previous good mood suddenly collapse and fall apart around him. He is suddenly worried for the boy's chastity more than ever now.

The boy is shivering when they reach his room, his hands wrapped tightly around his body. Cross is well aware of the fact that Allen will be sick, will develop a fever and be in need of some kind of care.

He shuts the door quickly, turns around in the dimly lit room and shoos Timcanpy away. The man reaches for Allen, undoes his shirt, peals it down over his arms and drops it to the floor with a wet sound.

Cross tries his best to ignore the fact that the child's nipples are erect and looking rather appealing to him.

He curses himself for having had drunk that wine at lunch.

Allen looks up at the red-haired man, waits for an instruction of some kind, when nothing is said though he feels uncertain, nervous because of the look on the general'sface.

“S-Something the matter Master…?”

“Why did you go out in the rain?” The man reaches for the boy's shorts, undoes the belt with a little more force than necessary, tugs it from the slim waist and lets it fall to the floor with the shirt.

“Master told me to stay out of the room…”

“And why did you go outside?” Cross has to close his eyes, grab hold of his mind as he undoes Allen's shorts, begins to tug then down past his hips.

The boy blinks, looks up at him, uncertain of what the man is asking.

“I do not know, I have never seen the sky before, or the …rain…” At this, he flushes, and looks down at his feet that are still in his wet boots, the man's hands still on his shorts, tugging them down just far enough to fall from his hips and then to the ground.

Allen looks up, tries to understand the expression on Cross's face, but misinterprets the man's actions.

The General freezes the second he feels small hands tugging at his belt, pulling it loose. He has to mentally remind himself that Allen is a child, that he was completely drunk last time, that it had been an accident, that-

The boy is suddenly tugging his pants down just a little and kneels, lips parted and mouth open.

Cross forgets himself once again and blames this on the little bit of wine he has had during lunch, on the fact that Allen looks too damned attractive on his knees with his lips stretched around his cock.

His hands are suddenly fisting the damp wet hair and his dick is being swallowed once more, sucked on by someone whose mouth is far more skilled than any woman he has ever purchased.

Linalee frowns as she watches the night sky fly by. They have already stopped at thee different towns, brief stops, but still something. She feels annoyed and restless on the train, at the fact that she has not done anything yet, that her mind keeps returning to the problems she has been dealing with lately.

The female closes her eyes and vaguely wonders how long it will take for the Finder to return from the food car. He has left some time ago, has told her that he'd be back. She has just nodded and continued to stare out the window, her mind occupied by things she would rather just forget.

The door slides open and the man walks back in, hands her small bag of food he brought back for her. Linalee takes it, “Thank you but I'm not actually hungry…”

“How about a drink…?”

She sighs lightly, something that can be taken a few different ways, and accepts the drink without another word.

Lavi is sitting in Komui's office.

The man has cleaned up some, his papers and notes piled up to the side of a bottled liquid, a syringe lying next to it. There is a tray of food covered by a lid in the middle of the desk. The man himself is leaning back in his chair, his glasses removed and sitting on the table.

“I…” The redhead closes his eye and reminds himself that he needs to think before speaking. If he just starts talking, something bad or obscene might come out.

“I'm worried about Allen being alone with Cross…” He says after a moment.

Komui blinks, looks over at the blurred young man sitting on the couch. He sighs and picks his glasses up, stands and moves over to sit with him. He silently berates himself for doing so.

“It's understandable with the man's reputation.”

“I…I'm just worried about him…” Lavi reaches up, tugs at his hair a moment before letting his bandanna fall around his neck, Komui looks away, reaches up to pinch the bridge of his nose.

“I've been wondering lately, when Allen regains his memories, will he remember everything and hate himself for some of the stuff he's done…?”

“I'm worried about that too, with everything that's happened…” Komui leans back, into the couch and closes his eyes. He is in need of another cup of coffee, or some sleep…

“Do you think, if he does remember everything, would it be best if he forgets…?”

“I don't know…” Komui puts his glasses back on, moves to stand up but doesn't, a thought coming to mind once more. He turns to face the young man next to him, studies his face a moment before choosing his next words slowly.

“Lavi, how much do you really care for Allen?”

Cross licks his lips as he sits on the edge of the boy's bed once more, watches with unbidden pleasure as Allen licks the head of his cock, as the boy gives him opened mouth kisses. He groans lightly as those lips wrap snugly around him once more, as the boy's tongue rubs at the underside of his dick.

“f-fuck…”

Allen closes his eyes, sucks a little harder as he pulls more into his mouth, his hands rubbing the man's thighs through his pants. Cross growls, ignores as Timcanpy moves over to sit atop the boy's dresser. He fits the child's hair once more, pushes those wonderful lips down a little farther onto him. He blinks, makes another muffled sound as he feels the boys throat tighten around him, swallowing him.

Cross tilts his head back, pulls Allen's mouth back to the head of his dick and then pushes him back down. He is amazed at how skilled that mouth is, at how good the boy is at sucking him, at how he can tangle his fingers in the white strands and practically fuck his face.

“A-Allen, I need to cum now…”

The boy gives a soft hum in response, sucks a little harder, swallows the man's cock, lets it slip down his throat, uses his muscles to drive the man over the edge.

Cross lets out a groan, quiet and stifled to keep everyone else from hearing, as he cums with those lips wrapped so tightly around him. He blinks, watches Allen, flushed-face and swollen-lipped, as he sucks on the head of his cock, as he licks up all of his liquid.

“Is Master satisfied…?” The child's voice is breathy as he licks is lips, cleans his face.

The General does not reply, his eyes traveling up and down the boy's body, pausing on his still raised and flushed nipples, on his all too swollen lips and cheeks, contemplating on the fact that the boy is still hard.

“Touch yourself.”

Allen blinks, his lips parted to ask the man something else. He flushes, moves his hand between his legs and grasps himself. Cross reaches down, pulls the boy up and into his lap, his back pressed to his chest.

“M-Master…” Allen blinks, mouth open as his dick is grasped, squeezed lightly.

“Be quiet.” The red-haired man hisses at him as he pushes a finger into his mouth.

The boy nods, whimpers lightly as the man strokes him, fingers teasing the head of his cock, spreading his fluids over it. He shivers, his own hand resting atop the man's as it moves up and down his cock easily, as the grip tightens and loosens lightly.

The finger is pulled from his lips, moves to rub at a nipple teasingly.

Allen's body arches into the man's touch, his mouth dropping open as he lets out a moan, one that is not loud but definitely not silent.

“M-Master…”

Cross growls, squeezes the boy's dick a little, causing him to jump slightly. “Quiet I said.”

Allen nods, lips open as his nipple is pinched, teased as the hand on him speeds up just a little. He whimpers, his hips thrusting up just a little, trying to get more of that feeling, of Cross's large hand, of the warmth radiating off it.

The man presses himself up against the child's bare ass, his once flaccid cock begging for more attention. He hisses as Allen presses back against him, rubs him teasingly with the one place he can't touch.

The boy is suddenly spun around, is laid on his back, his knees parted and-

“M-Master!” His spine arches as his dick is licked, as a moist wet heat surrounds him suddenly.

“Shut up already!” Cross hisses, runs his tongue along the underside of the boys boy's arousal, lips sealing over the head and then lower.

Allen whimpers, parts his legs to give the man more access, shivers at the feel of his facial hair, at the strong suction that is surrounding him. He shuts his eyes, hands moving to cover his mouth as he moans again, loud yet muffled.

If they had been anywhere else the General would not have cared, would have loved the fact that Allen Walker was a screamer, that the boy couldn't help but moan like the whore he had become. He reaches over, places his hand over the two smaller ones and presses down, his mouth never letting the cock slip from between his lips.

“Mph! Mmmm-Ah-Ah-Ah-” Allen's eyes glazes over, his head spinning as his hips press up, the man's mouth doing wonders for him as he comes, pressing his cock as far into the man's mouth as possible.

Cross leans back, moves into a sitting position as Allen just continued to lie there, head spinning and body throbbing. He wants to have the boy kneel before him again, to let him suck him some more but it is getting close to dusk, and Komui needs to find out if his concoction works.

“Get dressed, I'll be waiting in the hall…” The red-haired man stands up, fixes his pants and leaves the room quickly.

Lavi is staring up at the ceiling, his mind spinning at the question he has been asked, spinning for some strange reason. He closes his eye, leans heavily against the furniture he is sitting on, shakes his head a little.

“I care about him a lot, more than a Bookman should care for anyone.”

“Are you in love with him though, because that's what it sounds like…” Komui glances over at the young man, frowns lightly to himself at the annoyed expression the other is giving.

“No, I…” Lavi turns to look at Komui, his expression softening some. “I know it's not love, I can't fall in love with anyone.”

“What if you have…”

“It's not, though…”

“How do you know if you've never been in love with someone?”

Lavi shakes his head, looks down at his hands, “Because I don't-” He stops himself there, frowns suddenly, his eyebrows furrowing as he thinks, recalls certain emotions. He looks up over at Komui who has taken his glasses off again, who is cleaning them on his shirt.

Something clicks then, something that he has ignored because of everything that has happened, something that has been triggered by what has happened.

And for once Lavi feels like he is stupid because he has not noticed it sooner, because he has not paid attention to himself, to his own emotions and thoughts.

He closes his eyes, and shakes his head in a dejected manner. He glances over at Komui who is inspecting his glasses once more, obviously tired from his expression. Lavi leans over then, places his hand on the man's leg, drawing his attention towards him.

They kiss, and it is brief and fleeting and Lavi can feel his heart pounding. He can feel all of the emotions he has suppressed leaking out. He presses himself more against the man, his eyes shut and his mind spinning. He wants nothing more than for the other to reciprocate, to do something…

And when Komui does, it is a gentle hand on the back of his neck, a slight pressure to his lips and oh god… Lavi feels like he is in heaven when the man rests his hand on his side. The young man feels his face flushing as his mind slows down, almost comes to a complete stop…

Except…

The footsteps outside of the room alert him to the fact that someone is approaching him. Lavi presses again Komui once more, whimpers lightly when he feels a tongue slide against his lips. He parts them, lets the older male touch his tongue shyly, lets him tease his mouth.

The footsteps are louder now, and there are two.

Lavi shifts, moves so that he is almost sitting on Komui's lap, whimpers as they shyly let their tongues touch again, slide against each others. The man fists his red hair, suddenly deepening the kiss before they part.

The young man is panting and red-faced and he shoots up into a standing position when the door opens and Cross is standing there with Allen.

“I'll be right back with some coffee.” He states before hurrying out of the room.

And he has no clue as to what is about to happen

Once again, I know the beginning was dull but is was necessary to the movement of the plot, and for what is to come in the next chapter, which is going to be a lot of angst. The next chapter is called We All Fall Down, and I honestly can't say when it will be posted, I am going to try and update Fixated and When Life Was beautiful, maybe Perfect Weakness before I move but I can't promise anything really… ugh my stomach hurts =n=

Au Revoir,

~Israfel~