D. Gray-man Fan Fiction ❯ Invention Is The Mother Of Neccesity ❯ Let Me Help You ( Chapter 3 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Invention Is The Mother Of Necessity
A Fanfiction By SailorLight22
Chapter 3 - Let Me Help You



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He couldn't believe that this was happening. What was wrong with him, he wondered. He should have killed the boy where he stood, not allowed him to continue! Sighing, Kanda slumped onto his small bed, raising a hand to his lips.

But no, he'd just stood there, he thought, closing his eyes as the scene replayed in his mind. He'd stood there, and had even surrendered himself after the first moments of confusion had faded.

Scowling at his own foolishness, Kanda opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling. He knew that he was avoiding the point that truly mattered, but he didn't want to dredge up that awful feeling.

He'd just had his first real kiss taken, by a boy.

"And enjoyed it," he muttered, the feelings of confusion and something he couldn't quite name rising again. "I let him do it, and I liked it."

Kanda was no fool, he'd been to many places, and had seen many things. He knew from overheard conversations that there were men who did such things with each other. While he had never been with a woman, he assumed that the things men did amongst themselves were similar in nature...

Something in that thought shocked him, and he ran his mental dialog back to himself. He'd never been with a woman... But he'd never really spent the time to think about why.

Now, with nothing but time, he did just that. As he thought, he realized that it wasn't simply the lack of sexual contact, but something far deeper. He had also never given thought to relationships, marriage, children..

Bolting upright, he inhaled sharply, his eyes wide with sudden clarity. It wasn't that he had no exposure to women.

He had never been attracted to a woman, ever.

Shaken at the knowledge, he shook his head. Surely he didn't prefer men! His lack of experience with the opposite sex nonwithstanding, he'd certainly never been attracted to men. 'Just him,' a traitorous voice crooned, making him shiver.

As much as he wanted to deny it, he knew that it was so. He knew it was wrong to lust after the younger boy, but there it was. After a moment, his thoughts became more and more clear. Looking back over the last several years, he realized that he had always felt something for the boy.

His refusal to show kindness to the boy in any form, the swift anger he felt whenever anything or anyone threatened Allen.. It all made sense now, under his intense scruitiny. The real reason that he'd refused to aknowledge him him as anything but a child.

And now, it seemed that Allen felt something for him as well. 'Where does it go from here?' he wondered, his eyes closing again. He knew that the boy was still an innocent, for all that he'd matured over the years. It was difficult to imagine, but since the boy had made the first move, it would be only be a matter of time before he would have to respond in kind.

He rose to his feet, pacing as he wondered what he should do. This was new and strange to him. For once, he had to admit that he was at a loss. He knew some things from the gossip of others, enough to know that the first few encounters were very important when starting a relationship..

Eyes widening, he stopped.

A relationship? Was he really going to go through with this? Was this really what he wanted, what Allen wanted? He shook his head, feeling tired. After the events from before, he felt out of sorts, too out of his depth to deal with this now.

Suddenly, his heightened senses perceived someone approaching his door. The stealthy tread of booted feet assured him that it was not the object of his anxiety, and he relaxed minutely. However, the steps halted outside his door. Cursing silently, he waited for the inevitible knock.

When it came, he sighed, crossing the room as he wondered who it was. A muffled snicker answered his question, and he frowned in annoyance. Just what he needed, another idiot to deal with. Perhaps if he tried being very, very quiet, it would go away...

"Yuuuuu-chan! Open up, I know you're in there!"

Gritting his teeth, he opened the door to reveal the twinkling eye and cheek-splitting grin of the last person in the Order that he wanted to see.

"Lavi," he growled, trying to convey his annoyance in the shortest time possible, "Now is not the time for your foolishness." Satisfied that the boy understood, he began to close the door.

Hitting an obstacle, he glowered, lowering his gaze to the black boot that stood between him and a peaceful evening. Returning his glare to the owner of said foot, he opened his mouth to emit a scathing comment, but the shorter boy beat him to the punch, his wide smile never waivering.

"Come on, Yuu-chan, lemme in, i want to talk to you about your little adventure in the hall earlier."

Kanda froze, his mouth open as he stared dumbly at the red-haired menace.

It wasn't possible, he thought, shaking his head. God wouldn't let such a horrible thing happen to one of his warriors. There was no way that this idiot could have seen...

Closing his mouth with an audible snap, he decided to feign ignorance. "I have no idea what you mean," he said, kicking the booted foot out of his was as he once again tried to close his door.

"Sure you do!" the other chirped, raising his voice to be heard through the rapidly narrowing apurture. "I wonder if I should go talk to Allen, I'll bet he has a lot more to say about it!"

Swearing, Kanda jerked the door open again, his arm shooting out at lightening speed to sieze the smirking excorcist. As quickly as he could, he dragged Lavi through the door, slamming it closed behind him. Turning the latch, he released the boy's arm from his bone-crushing grip as he lowered his voice to a dangerous growl.

"Lavi, so help me, if anyone hears of this..." His threat tapered off, his hand gripping the hilt of his sword as he advanced into the boy's personal space. Lave backed away rapidly, his eyes wide with clearly feigned innocence.

"Why would I say anything? I'm happy that you've finally found someone to love, Yuu-chan!" He chuckled gleefully, nimbly avoiding Kanda's eminent attack. Trying to diffuse the dangerous situation, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind. "You do love him... Right?"

His words seemed to penetrate the samurai's rage-clouded mind. Lowering his sword, he sank into his chair, raising a slightly shaking hand to swipe at his unruly bangs as he sighed. "I.. I don't really know, Lavi." He admitted, cradling his head as he sensed the other boy's calculating stare.

"What's there to know, Yuu-chan?" the other exorcist asked quietly. He was surprised that the older boy would admit to something like that so easily. Kanda Yuu, the strongest, most self-assured person he knew, surely he wasn't confused over something as simple as this!

Raising his head, Kanda fixed the boy with a tired glare. 'This may be my downfall', he thought, shaking his head as he steeled himself. "How.." He swallowed, nerves jangling as he wet his lips to try again. "How can one.. be sure if they really feel that way, Lavi?"

"You really... don't know, Yuu-chan?" Lavi asked gently. Seeing Kanda's defeated expression, he moved to kneel beside him. "Do you know how Allen-kun feels?" He asked, hoping to change the subject to something less painful. Kanda sighed, shaking his head. Lavi was floored.

"You mean that you two aren't... together? At all?" He exclaimed, beyond shocked. After what he and Linali had seen, he'd been positive that the two of them were carrying out a relationship in secret. 'Then what's going on?' he wondered, curiously.

A thought struck him then, rocking him on his heels. "Yuu-chan," he gulped, a grin stretching across his face, "Was that.. I mean, just then, was that the first time you two have kissed?"

Kanda nodded, his face red.

Lavi's grin positivly shone. Seeing it, Kanda had a moment of renewed nervousness. Nothing good ever came of a smile like that, he knew. He'd seen one just like it on the face of that... Madman Komui far too often to be so naive.

Lavi struggled to restrain himself, patting the dark swordsman on the back. "Let me help you, Yuu-chan." He clasped his hands gleefully. 'This is just... perfect!' He thought, standing up. There were times that he hated this place, the workload and the costs that came with it. But then, there were times like this, times that made him very glad that he was here.

It was officially time to meddle.

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No one ever told him that things could be so bad in the service of the Lord. That thought stuck with him as he stumbled to his bed, the last remnants of his pride scattering around him like ashes. Though still shocked and numb from what he had just done, Allen couldn't bring himself to run away.

The Order still had need of him, there were still so few of his kind that leaving was impossible. He also knew that beyond his duty to the Order, there was more.

Kanda.

He couldn't just forget what had happened, couldn't flee without allowing him something, some opportunity to revenge himself. No one should ever have something so precious taken like that, and he'd been the one to do it. He had always tried to be a good person, caring for the feelings of everyone..

"Anything he might do, I deserve it." He mumbled, shamed by his weakness. He knew that the older boy would never have been overcome like that, manipulated by the effects of a machine. Kanda was the strongest person he'd ever known, and yet, he'd made him run. Him, the foolish, powerless Allen Walker.. He'd made Kanda Yuu run like the very demons of Hell were behind him.

Closing his eyes, he tried to forget the feeling of the tall boy against him, the way his eyes had looked when he'd pulled away..

Those eyes, like the night sky, deep and secretive. They'd been wide with surprise, and something that Allen could only name as... Horror. A fresh wave of disgust crashed over him. There was more, much more.

He also remembered the feeling of his lips, the way his breath had ghosted out when they were so close, the scent of him. The sensations were burned into his mind like hot coals, and he was ashamed anew.

Why couldn't he forget, he wondered, fresh tears burning his cloudy eyes. He was so absorbed in self-loathing that he almost missed the soft knock at the door. 'Please, God,' he thought, panic filling him, 'Please don't let it be him, I can't stand it.'

His fears were dashed by a worried voice. "Allen-kun, please let me in," Linali whispered, mindful of the boy's pain. "I need to talk to you." She waited, hoping that her friend would let her in. She didn't have to wonder for long. The door opened slowly, revealing a haggard Allen. Trying to smile, she walked in.

"Allen-kun, are you all-Oof!" she began, but was unable to continue as the weight of her hurting friend crashed into her, pushing the air from her lungs in an awkward rush. Shock gave way to sympathy as she closed her arms around the boy's shaking form. 'Why is he crying?' She wondered, tightening her grip as he sobbed. "It'll be all right, Allen-kun." She murmured, pulling back just enough to see his face.

"Is it because we were there?" she asked, keeping her voice low and soothing. She had barely closed her mouth when Allen's head shot up, barely missing her chin.

"What? What do you mean, 'Because we were there?' What did you..?" He stopped, his eyes widening in horror as he staggered to his bed. "Ohh, God, oh no." He half-wailed, burrowing his flaming cheeks in his pillow. Now she'd start screaming, he thought, she'd tell him how disgusting and awful he was. That was why she was here, he knew. She had seen it, and now she was here to punish him for his damned weakness.

But it was worse, he realized. She had said 'We', hadn't she? Who was there, with Linali in the hall? Still shaking with supressed sobs, he rose to face her, his eyes closed. "Who else saw it, Linali?" He whispered, praying that it was only her annoyingly clueless brother. That hope was dashed when Linali averted her eyes and mumbled what sounded like a name.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that.."

Sighing, she repeated herself, her cheeks flaming. "It.. It was Lavi and I, Allen-kun."She wished that there was something, anything that she could do for the pain that it seemed she was causing, but her comforting words were silenced by Allen's quiet voice.

"I am truly sorry, Linali," He whispered, meeting her eyes fully for the first time. "I didn't mean to do it, really I didn't, but I wasn't strong enough." She gaped at him for a moment, stunned. He thought she was angry with him? It didn't make sense, so she decided to get the whole story.

"Allen-kun, why do you think I'm angry with you?" She asked slowly, resting her hand on top of his. He looked at it, then back at her, startled by her caring tone. 'Isn't she disgusted, repulsed by me?' He wondered, his brow creasing in confusion. Surely she'd seen the whole awful spectacle, and Lavi as well. Wasn't it wrong of him to have.. to have..

"I kissed him, Linali," He began, his face warming as he looked at her, "I couldn't stand the effects, the urge drove me, yes, but I..gave..in."

She stared at him, confused. "Effects? From what, Allen-kun?"

Opening his eyes, he sighed. "The machine your brother made, Linali." Running a hand through his hair, he cleared his throat. "He was trying to use it on River-san, but he ran, and I was there too." He smiled a tiny bit, remembering the terrified look on River-san's face as he'd realized that he was 'this close' to being a guinea pig for another of Komui's crazed ideas.

Seeing his smile, Linali was worried. "And then..?" She probed, hoping that Allen would confide the rest in his own time. She also reminded herself that she loved her brother, and it would be best to avoid him for the next several days.

Allen flushed again, seeing that Linali would never be satisfied until she'd heard everything. "It was a Love inducing machine," He sighed, rising to his feet. "He said it affected the brain, causing the victim...Ahem, subject.. to fall into "Mad, passionate love" with the next person they saw, his words, not mine." He assured her hurridly.

"And Kanda? Was he there as well?" She asked, wondering how the samurai fit into this madness.

"No, he came in after I ran out of places to hide." Allen groaned. "He wasn't affected, but when I heard him coming in, Komui-san shot me from behind. I passed out for a while after that. I don't know exactly what happened then, but he has a rather large dent on his head, so I assume Kanda destroyed the machine."

Linali's eyes blazed at the thought of her brother doing something so foolish and cowardly. Carefully avoiding that particular issue, she smiled at Allen. "I.. That is, Lavi and I, we thought that you two were having a... secret meeting." Seeing his deepening blush, she patted his hand reassuringly. "I'm sure that there's something that can be done, Allen-kun. Did you go back to talk to 'Nii-san?"

"Yes," He admitted, remembering that horrible visit. 'She doesn't need to know all of it, after all..' He thought, mortified at what Komui had said about patience and...

"Allen-kun?" Linali's alarmed voice cut in on the train of his thoughts, and he smiled at her, grateful for the interruption. "What did he say?"

"He said that the effects would go away under... rather special circumstances." He replied. He once again seated himself on the bed and continued. "He said that the machine's false feelings would disappear... When they became real."

She gasped, covering her mouth in shock. It couldn't be true, she thought numbly, unable to hide her disbelief. Seeing his anxious stare, she rushed to comfort him. "I just can't believe him!" She groaned, squeezing the boy's hand. "Does Kanda know what that... thing did to you?"

He shook his head, tears welling up again as he tried to turn away. "He doesn't, but when I left the lab, I ran into him, and it just took me over, I swear, Linali, I never meant to do that to him. The way he looked at me, after.."

He choked, unable to continue. "I thought you had come to tell me how disgusting I am," He finally gasped out, looking at the floor. "I forced that kiss on him, and now he'll never be able to look at me again. He hated me before, but now..."

She shook her head, surprising the white-haired boy. "He's never hated you, Allen-kun." She declared, giving him a small shake. "Kanda might be confused right now, but I know him, and he doesn't hate you."

He could only gawk at the sincerity of her words. 'She really believes that,' he though, closing his mouth. "I don't know what to say, Linali... Thank you."

She rose to leave, knowing that the gentle youth most likely needed time to himself, to sort things out. "Allen-kun," she smiled brightly, her face gentle, "Just so you know, when I saw you two, I'll admit I was a bit... surprised," She giggled, "But neither Lavi nor I were disgusted with you for a second. I think Lavi would agree with me, and tell you that the only thing either of us felt was happiness. For both of you."

She opened the door, stepping into the hall. "One last thing," She added, her smile turning mischievious. Allen gulped. "Try talking to him about it, ok? He may be confused now, just like you, but I think what he has to say might surprise you."

With that said, she left. Once safely outside, her eyes narrowed as she mulled over the possibility of finding her 'beloved 'nii-san' and having a little chat with him about the inner workings of various body parts particular to men. Smiling coldly, she started off in the direction of the lab, wondering exactly how much her brother really knew about human anatomy...