D. N. Angel Fan Fiction ❯ Twisted ❯ Chapter 1 ( Chapter 1 )

Twisted

By Shade and Alexiel (Sagoi)

Disclaimer: We don't own D.N,Angel or anything related to it...if we did it would have ended differently...::cough cough.::

Warning: Contains a major Mary sue killing spree. If you have a problem with us killing a certain twin get out. -_- We're not acknowledging and flames.

1st Voice: Where are you leading us...we're so fuckin' lost...

2nd Voice: Are not. See, the museum is right up her and-fucking -A- ::A loud splash is heard and several flood lights come on illuminating two teenage girls. The first is standing on the bank shaking her head and the second assumed to be somewhere under the water before her.::

2nd Voice: Well you lead us to the right place but if we don't get moving someone's going to see us. ::The girl above the water is leaning over, scanning the surface for her companion, black trench coat billowing a bit in the wind. After a long pause she leans over a little further.:: Hey, you still alive down there? ::The voice is a bit deadpan.::

1st Voice: ::The second girl breaks from the water, brandishing something over her head.:: I found a quarter! ::Putting the coin in her mouth she swims to shore and pulls herself up.::

2nd Voice: I thought we were in Japan how did you find a qu-

1st Voice: Hey, look over there! ::She straightens, her own trench coat not moving much as it's quite soaked.

::The shorter of the two glances after where the other is pointing and grins.::

2nd Voice: ::Gasps:: You did something right Shade.

1st Voice (obviously "Shade"): Of course I-Hey!

2nd Voice: ::Is already racing down the lawn.::

Shade: ::Shouting after the running female:: Sagoi! How do you plan to get him up there! Flapping you arms isn't gonna work! ::Sighs and begins to climb up a tree.::

Sagoi: ::Mouth drops open and she looks to make sure Shade is in position. Cupping her hands around her mouth she shouts up to the flying figure above.:: Hey baby, are you wearing space pants! 'Cause your ass is out of this world!"

::The figure in the sky looked down but kept flying and caught off guard went plummeting to the ground when Shade tackled him from the tree.::

Sagoi: ::Does a victory dance:: Hell yeah! Woo-hoo!

Shade: ::Crashes through several trees on top of Dark before they hit the ground and she pins him with her knees.:: We got one!

Sagoi: ::Comes running over to Shade.:: That's one down. Just one more to go. ::Before Dark can kick both their asses Sagoi whips out the clorophorm.:: Okay, he's out....get off him Shade...

Shade: ...Mmmm...::whines a bit and clings.::

Sagoi: I said off! There'll be more time for that later now-oh gawd. ::Drags the taller female away and takes Dark's arms and chest to lift him up.::

Shade: Hey why do I get this end...hmm...::Feels his 'space pants'.::

Sagoi: I said stop tha-Are they nice?

Shade: Very.

Shade: Man, this is the crappiest nice house ever. ::Tumbles in through Satoshi's bedroom window.:: Now remember...stealth...

Sagoi: ::Hits the statue in front of the window. The statue falls down....and through the floor.:: Oh, shit.

Shade: ...He didn't hear that...::Swallowing she glances around, hurries across the room, and down the stairs to hear water running.::

Sagoi: ::Whispering:: Why the hell is his bathtub under the stairs anyway?

Shade: Are you complaining?

Sagoi: ::Looking over the railing.:: Huh?

Shade: ::Slides down the rest of the ways and goes on her knees to where Satoshi is unknowingly taking a shower, shampoo in his eyes.:: Aghhhh ::Makes a drooling sort of noise::

Sagoi: He's fourteen you-aw hell.

Shade: Yeah, who are we kidding with this "we're not perverts act"?...We've only got two years on him anyway...

::Of course Satoshi has heard the intruders by now but before he can react, clorphorm is out and Shade is pouncing...of course...

Satoshi: What the hell are you doing?

Shade:...I don't think clorophorm works in the shower...

Sagoi: ...oh...yeah. ::Picks up a large shampoo bottle.::

Shade: NO!

Satoshi: ::Stares in confusion.::

Shade: Why don't we just ask?

Sagoi: All right....Satoshi...Do you wanna get lucky?

Satoshi: No tha-

Shade: With Daisuke?

Satoshi: ::Stands up and drapes his towel over his shoulder heading for the door:: C'mon, hurry up.

Sagoi: Should we bring him some pants.

Shade:...Why?...

::Daisuke's eyelids flicker a bit and voices enter his head with a bit of a foggy quality.::

Shade: Are those ropes tight enough?

Sagoi: Ropes?

Shade: ...chains...?

Sagoi: Duh, they're sexier.

Satoshi: Why are you tying him up!

Shade: Don't act like you don't like it.

::Daisuke shakes his head and opens his eyes completely.::

Sagoi: Oooh, lookit.

Shade: Wakey, wakey.

Daisuke: Uh...where am I?...::Glance around a bit frightened.:: Why's it so cold.

Sagoi: We'll give you a hint.

Shade: It's down low, it's cold, and it's where you could have scored!

Daisuke: ::Looks and sees Satoshi not very far from him::

Satoshi: ::Glances at Daisuke, grins then licks his lips::...Hi...

Daisuke:...we're in the basement...

S&S: Ding ding!

Shade: Should we tell him our plan?

Sagoi: Let's tell him our plan.

::Both girls jump down to either side of Daisuke and take hold of either arm, coming disturbingly close.::

Shade: You know you love him.

Daisuke: Him?

Sagoi: Yeah.

Daisuke: Oro?

Shade: ::Rolls her eyes and continues.:: Well, you do and we're working this so that-

Sagoi: Just go with how will planned it.

Shade: Fine, fine. You want Risu to notice you right.

Sagoi: ::Nudges Shade in the ribs.::

Shade: ::Grits her teeth.:: Fine...::mutters:: Love you...right?

Daisuke: ::Looks confused once more.::

Sagoi: ::Stands and shoves Satoshi somewhere off to the side.:: You see, we come from far, far away.

Shade: ::Majestically echos:: Far, far away.

Sagoi: And we help people all over the world fulfill their sexual fantasies.

Shade: We're not a damn impedance clinic!

Sagoi: ...oh...yeah. Get their one true love.

Shade: Get their one true love.

Sagoi: ::Strikes a dramatic pose:: We are goddesses of love!

Shade: ::Stands by Sagoi, making her own dramatic pose as multicolored sparkles dance around them.:: What do ya say?

Daisuke: ::Stares:: You're not goddesses.

Sagoi: What do you mean. ::Motions to the sky:: Don't you see all the magic dust and stuff!

Daisuke: ...That's Satoshi throwing art room glitter over you...

Satoshi: ::Tosses down the glitter and throws his hands over his head.::

Shade: Son of a-Do you want to get laid or not!

Daisuke:...no...

Sagoi: ...Do you want Risa...?

Daisuke: ...yes?...

Shade: Okay, we're gonna do that for ya.

Daisuke: ...okay...

Sagoi: All right, let's go. I found a good tree in Risa's yard...we can chain him to that...

Shade: Come on boy. ::Tugs Daisuke's chain.::

Satoshi: ...Dear lord they made him a dog...

::Shade and Sagoi had tied Daisuke to an aspen somewhere just outside Risa's window.::

Shade: When he sees her he should become Dark, right?

Sagoi: I hope so. ::Checks chains.::

Shade: Well there's only one thing left to do.

Sagoi: ::Loads shotgun.::

Shade: No, no!

Sagoi: Oh...::Picks up pebbles and throws them at Risa's window...nothing happens.::

Shade: That's not how you do it. ::Picks up a big ass rock, throws, and breaks window.:: Run! ::The girls scatter with Satoshi.::

Risa: ::Looks out of her window in her night gown.:: Who's there?

Daisuke: Agh! ::Transforms into Dark.::

Sagoi: ::hisses under breath:: You can do it Space Pants!

Dark: Shut up!

Risa:...Dark?...is that you?

Dark: ...Ah...

Risa: Oh Dark! You've come to carry me away!

Shade: I'm glad he's not full blown Dark yet...we'd be in a world of pain by now...all right. ::Raises her voice so that Dark can hear her.:: Now repeat after me. This must be a-

Dark: This must be a-!

Shade: steak house-

Dark: ...steak house...

Shade: Because you're one fine piece of meat.

Dark: because you're one fine piece of meat!-...::Dark's eyes widen slightly::...What!

Risa: ::Swoons:: Oh Dark.

Sagoi: Oh my god...she's enjoying it!...Here, we've gotta get something worse. Dark! Your dad must have been retarded cause you're special!

Dark:...I'm not saying that...

Shade: If you ever want to come off that tree y-

Dark: Fine- Your dad must have been retarded cause you're special!

Risa: ...oh...okay.

Sagoi: It's working keep going.

Shade: You could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch!

Dark: ...You could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch!...

Risa: ...Ah...

Satoshi: I'd like to screw your brains out but it appears someone has already beaten me to it!

S&S: ::Stare::

Dark: I'd like to screw your brains out but it appears someone has already beaten me to it!

Risa: ::Begins to sob::

Shade: ::Looks at Satoshi:: You are my freakin' hero.

Dark: Now look what you made me do!

Risa: ::Comes back to the window.:: It's -sniff- okay -sob- Dark. I know you didn't mean it. I know we are meant for each other and we'll live with each other and we'll have children and you'll go to work and I'll stay at home and then I'll later become an Avon lady and drive a little pink car and you'll say "Oh, what a cute little pink car" and then-"

Dark: ::Goes full-fledged Dark:: Will you shut up!

Shade: Oh man oh man oh man! Did you see that? ::The girls are skipping around Satoshi and Dark begin the trek back to the school..::

Sagoi: Yeah, she was like "Blah blah blah" and he was like "Shut up" and then she was like "blah" and he was like "BOOM!"

Shade: Duuuude, that was awesome.

::Both girls start manically laughing with each other while Daisuke and Satoshi both stare in confusion::

Satoshi: Should we just leave them?

Daisuke: Do you know where we're at right now?

Satoshi: ...Ah...::Looks at the girls:: Hey!

S&S: Huh?

Satoshi: Where are we.

Sagoi: I thought you knew the way!

Daisuke: ...uh...

Shade: Well, we'll be fine...I mean...it can't be dark forever.

::It starts to rain.::

Shade: Well, it's only rain.

::It starts to lightning::

Shade: Well, it's only a storm.

::A tornado siren goes off::

Shade: Well shit.

Sagoi: Maybe we should find cover?

Shade: There!

Satoshi and Daisuke: You've got to be kidding.

Sagoi: See, we all fit. ::That was an understatement. They were all bunched into a falling down latrine. Sagoi's head was half out the doorway, Shade was lodged somewhere along the ceiling, Daisuke was dangerously close to falling down the latrine whole and the fact that Satoshi was right on top of him didn't help.::

Satoshi: Yeah...we all fit...::He rolled his eyes...of course no one saw that...::

Shade:: Well, look on the bright side.

Daisuke: Huh?

Sagoi: Fine, fine, we won't look. Get it on, come on.

::Both Satoshi and Daisuke glance at each other::

Daisuke: Uh...

Satoshi: What is it?

Daisuke: I can't feel my legs

Shade: ::grumbles to herself:: This is gettin' nowhere ::Shade lifts her right leg and firmly plants her combat boot on top of Satoshi's ass. Of course the this overbalanced Daisuke and both he and the other boy fell down the latrine hole.::

Sagoi: ::Hears the thud.:: What did you do?

Shade: ...ah...

Sagoi: They went down the latrine didn't they?

Shade: ...yeah...

Sagoi: They'll be fine.

Shade: ....yeah...

::A sound much like a train approaching sounds outside and the walls of the latrine begin to rip apart.::

Sagoi: Jump into the latrine!

Shade: Hell no!

Sagoi: ::Considers weither she would rather die or jump into...well..:: Bye Shade. ::Jumps in.

Shade: ::Tries to enter after her but the wind picks up and she's left hanging onto the edge.:: Sagoi help me!

Sagoi: ::Looks up appraisingly:: ...It's really windy up there...

Shade: ::Begins to loose her grip:: That's why I-AH-need your help!

Sagoi: But then I might die.

Shade: But if you don't help me I'll die!

Sagoi: But then only one of us will be dead-

Shade: You Bi-::Get's sucked off to god knows where.::

Sagoi: ::Goes off to find Daisuke and Satoshi in the, luckily dried out latrine.::

::She finds the two a bit disoriented, Satoshi still sprawled out over Daisuke and Daisuke spread-eagle on the ground. After a few well place perverted comments from Sagoi the two rise.::

Satoshi: ::Dust himself off and stands reluctantly.:: Where's that other girl that was with you.

Sagoi: Shade?

Satoshi: Yeah.

Sagoi: Oh, yeah, well she's probably dead, anyway-

Daisuke: What do you-

Sagoi: Don't interrupt me! As I was saying the next order of business is to have a little experiment with Krad and Dark and then of course back to you two and then-

Satoshi: Krad!

Daisuke: You let your friend die?

Sagoi: So, go on, become Krad.

Satoshi: No!

Sagoi: ::Frowns.:: Well, fine! Ya know, that was just Shade's dieing wish and all.

Daisuke: You watched her die!

Sagoi: ...uh yeah...risked life and limb.

Daisuke: You look fine to me.

Sagoi: Uh ::Stumbles a bit.:: Oh, it's dim. ::Hobbles over to the wall and supports herself.::

Daisuke: ::Looks pleadingly at Satoshi.::

Satoshi: ::Is rolling his eyes when he sees Daisuke.:: What?...Don't tell me you believe her...

Sagoi: SO DIM!

Daisuke: But-

Sagoi: I can see the light at the end of the tunel now!

Satoshi: She's not much better than a murderer and I don't even want to know why she needs Krad.

Sagoi: Grandma?

Daisuke: ::Whimpers::

Satoshi: Gawd, fine.

Sagoi: Yay!-I mean-The light is fading now. ::Straightens and waits for Satoshi to become Krad.::

Satoshi: ::Stands there.::

Sagoi: Well?

Satoshi: ...he said "no"...

Sagoi: What do you mean he said "no"!

Satoshi: I think he's scared of you.

Sagoi: Come on, Shade would like it. I'm sure the fire and brimstone isn't blurring her view that much.

Satoshi: He thinks you'll just try to grope him and I think he's right.

Daisuke: Ah-

Sagoi: Oh come on! I will not!...We're saving that for 'Space Pants'.

Daisuke: Guys-

Satoshi: Space pants?

Daisuke: -Boy Scouts-

Sagoi: Huh? You want cookies?

Satoshi: Boy Scouts don't sell cookies.

Sagoi: Yeah they do-

Daisuke: No! Boy Scout! ::Satoshi and Sagoi looked in the direction Daisuke was pointing to find a large group of crazed looking boy scouts approaching them.::

Sagoi: Dude, I knew you could fall down those things.

A/N: More to come soon ^-^;. Please review!