Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ A Balm for Social Failure ❯ Gravity Holds My Head Down ( Chapter 6 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: selena281 
Anime/Manga: Death Note Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Comedy / Psychological / Angst / Romance | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 09.06.2008 | Pages: 7 | Words: 6.8K | Visits: 504 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Death Note Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Comedy / Psychological / Angst / Romance | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 09.06.2008 | Pages: 7 | Words: 6.8K | Visits: 504 | Status: Work In Progress
A Balm for Social Failure
(Chapter 6: Gravity Holds My Head Down. Or Is It Maybe Shame?)
Light x L
L begins to suspect something is missing from his life. He believes the key to be in social interaction - his weak point. At the appearance of the enigma named Light Yagami, he is challenged to rise to the occasion.
Disclaimer: see ch. 1 for full disclaimer
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Chapter 6:
This would be monumental.
No, it would be a disaster...
Monumental implied something good.
Nothing of the sort was expected by L as an outcome of this inevitable confrontation.
L held his head in his hands, having the privacy to do so since he'd left the school.
Would it be a confrontation? Didn't that imply some gravity of feeling on the part of both involved parties?
An image of Light arose in his mind unbidden and suddenly he felt wildly sick.
Friendship with someone of equal standing would be just the thing to distract a genius who was also a recluse a little off the path of pursuit... wasn't that exactly the sort of conclusion Kira would draw? And the chances that Kira and Light were NOT one and the same? ...Let's just say that betting one's life on that would be a pretty successful suicide.
Friendship... L had to wonder if that was all this feeling stemmed from. Had Kira won an even bigger prize than he had planned for?
L decided not to let himself go down that path.
He clung to the friend notion. It was all he could handle.
Tomorrow he would settle it.
He was fairly certain that if he could see Light's face when he asked him about all this, that he would be able to ascertain any truth or lack thereof. He couldn't place why he thought he had that sort of skill, when he lacked so many others in the social realm, but the certainty remained.
Tomorrow...
His stomach lurched at the very thought of it.
Could he remain calm and unblinking delivering a show of insecurity such as this was? As he was letting someone know for the first time that he might actually need something from them... that he was at a disadvantage...
Good god. If he didn't believe so adamantly that alcohol destroyed precious braincells, he'd be well and on his way to getting totally, ridiculously drunk right now.
In fact, he was near considering breaking that personal commandment.
L buried his head in his arms.
Had he really fallen so low as this?
This was pathetic.
Are you happy Light? I'm going to become an alcoholic, and then where will you be?
The Light in his head answered: "Quite happy. Without you to pursue me, I will roam free and kill people all day long. MUAHAHAHAA. Ha."
I hate you.
Phantom Light: "Ah, so now you'll be an alcoholic AND a liar. Shameful, Ryuuzaki." -smirk-
"GrrAAAAAhHhh!" L growled in frustration, slamming his palms on the tabletop. "That sounds just like something you'd say!"
Get out of my head! Please...
It was not the prickle of tears L felt then. No. It had to be some new allergy or something he'd never bothered to notice before now. Some horrible new pollen or some such thing that was so ghastly that it blurred your vision, too.
"Dammit..."
---
Light was reading his text on European History, relaxing at his desk with a warm mug of tea.
He was, at the same time, contemplating his strategy regarding his dark-haired, elusive quarry.
He turned a page with a lethargic hand and sipped his tea.
L had disappeared partway through the day today - not typical of his previous pattern. His shirking was a liability. It would become very difficult indeed if he went back into hiding... Light realized he would have to set things in motion as early as tomorrow. L had been growing steadily less predictable of late. For once, though, Light had no ready reasons to offer himself as explanation of this. Unless L had decided he wasn't good enough to be a suspect? Not good enough to keep watch over any longer?
Possible.
Maybe.
But it was equally likely that he was just feeling a sort of reluctance at admitting the pull that existed between them.
Am I the first to get close to you like this, Ryuuzaki?
The thought was a gratifying one; It sent a faint flush of heat over his body.
The first to corner you, the first to demand from you, the first that will claim you...The first to engage you both body and mind...
Light leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, tea and book all but forgotten. L, L... Ryuuzaki... do you even know what you do to me?
His body thrummed with want, with expectation. With need as all encompassing now as it was ignorable all these years past...
"Do you have any idea?" he whispered.
---
Wednesday. 8:32 am.
Of course it had to be raining, L thought bitterly.
Today of all days, he did not favor the thought of looking like a drowned rat.
Should that matter when you're only going to discuss a "friendship", you ask?
It doesn't.
At all.
But... but do you have any idea what this hair does when it gets exposed to the elements? To wind and rain? It... tries to curl up on the ends. And when thoroughly drenched it looks a little like I've melted - this hair slicks down past my shoulders.
I take it all back. Yes, it does matter when it is hashing out a friendship with Light - who would likely see any such dishevelment as evidence of personal failing...
But there was nothing for it.
The rain had ambushed him as soon as he set foot on campus. And though it was tempting, he just couldn't make himself run for shelter. It was only rain, after all, and his pride wouldn't allow it.
---
L caught sight of Light shortly after the other boy's first class let out. L had refrained from going in, like he normally would have, as he was dripping a small flood of water and did not want to suffer the looks he'd receive sitting at one of the desks as water pooled beneath him. Drip, drip, drip. No.
He was leaning against a wall off to the side, as he waited, so he was not surprised the brunette failed to notice him when he emerged with the other students. But it did annoy him. How long had it been since Light had acknowledged him? How long, when it used to be that their gazes would find each other almost magnetically, regardless of which way they were facing or what occupied them?
How long since he'd seen those warm gold eyes head-on? came the sullen thought.
No, no, stick to the annoyance, L reprimanded himself. He was stronger with anger. Sadness was weakness.
He peeled himself off the wall, and trailed the brunette.
He focused on the shine of perfectly dry, perfectly arranged, silky, light brown hair. He took in the confident stride, the self-assured set of the shoulders, each thing a sharp jab in his chest. He marveled at the way Light's clothes fit like they were made for him and lent him an air of casual, effortless class. So at odds with his own appearance, all of it. Light was just... enviable.
L's eyes were drawn unwittingly to Light's slim waist, the straight flare of his hips, and down the path of his long, long legs. He was also... desirable.
It didn't mean anything if he admitted that. The evidence was plain to see on the faces of many who he passed. Envy, desire, awe.
And several weeks ago, he had thought he might be friends with such a person. It had not occurred to him then that he might not possess the proper criteria to be as such.
He had taken any courting of friendship as his due. He hadn't realized...
"WOW are you wet, Ryuu."
L suppressed a twitch and spared a baleful glance at Graham. "Yes, I had noticed." Figures, he couldn't get Light's attention no matter how hard he pursued... but here he had this boy's attention in abundance.
Graham had fallen in pace with him, and just now panned his eyes up L in leisurely appreciation. "Looks good on you." he reached out and brushed fingers lightly down L's side. "Hmm. See-through," he said more to himself.
L didn't think either comment justified a response.
He looked back at the crowd, and to his annoyance, Light had slipped away from him in that split-second of distraction. "Damn it," he muttered.
"What's wrong?"
"You made me lose him." How aggravating.
"Who, Light?"
L sent him a complicated glare.
"Well, it was a likely guess," Graham said defensively. "Besides, he's just over there." The light-eyed boy jerked a thumb towards a place not 20 feet from where they were standing.
L felt his feet slow.
All he seemed to be able to focus on was Light's hand on someone's shoulder.
A very delicate bare shoulder, with very blonde hair swept over it. The girlfriend? His eyes seemed rooted to the spot, unable to look past it to the owner of that well-formed hand, after his fleeting recognition. It was as if his eyes were afraid to catch an expression on the other boy's face that they couldn't erase... some tender look befitting a newly forged couple...
Beneath the blonde hair he could see a thin black strap, part of a corset-style top. Above that, a pale throat and a pretty face filled with adoration. Her eyes closed, her lips brushing a pair of sensuous ones that tilted delicately down.
L felt his throat start to constrict. It doesn't matter. It's only to be expected.
He made his gaze travel up, past Light's aristocratic nose, and found himself falling into the deep intensity of a glowing amber gaze.
L felt his face flush at the utter look of lust that was in those eyes, eyes that were acknowledging him at last, reasserting that neglected connection in a highly intimate fashion. They made a slow sweep up his body that made him feel as if he were wearing nothing at all. The self-satisfied look that surfaced on the other boy's face, openly admitted knowledge of L's existence from before this moment. Light's lids lowered and and a sultry smile began to slowly curve his lips.
L was so shamefully enthralled with the perfection of that mouth that he almost didn't notice the girl start to turn to see what was distracting her boyfriend from kissing her.
Before she could, Light dipped his head to speak at her ear, while meeting L's gaze through the tops of his eyes. The intensity -and everything else- as present as before, if not more so. The link between them solidified, tightened, threatening to pull them together impossibly.
It was too raw.
He felt like he was burning alive, and it was wrong, so wrong.
L turned and started walking away before he even realized it. Unwittingly fleeing the scene before he lost what little control he had.
What was he thinking?
What could he possibly be thinking??
Pulling something like that with his girlfriend right there? Wasn't he concerned that she might notice... L felt a dreadful realization begin to dawn on him. What if he didn't care if the girlfriend noticed... What if that was less important than seeing what reaction his behavior might garner?
Does he already know?
That I... L couldn't bear to finish the thought. He ducked into an abandoned alcove, needing a moment. His fingers dug into his arms as they crossed protectively over his chest. A worthless barrier against the riot of his insides.
Was that the source of those heady looks?
Is he taunting me with it?
His back slid down the wall, leaving him in a mockery of his comforting crouch. His hands were shaking as they clenched bruisingly through the damp white fabric of his cold shirt. How callous he is...
L dropped his head to his knees.
...
It was done then...
...
He had the proof he needed.
Now he just had to find some way to deal with it, and himself.
---
Nowhere.
Nowhere.
Light's frustration peaked. Everything had gone perfectly... Everything except the end. He hadn't expected L to turn on his heel and vanish. Now he could find no trace of the dark-haired detective and he had the feeling that something irrevocable had taken place.
It had been so hard to pretend he was unaware of the other boy's presence all this time.
But he'd managed, and executed his maneuver perfectly - capturing L unawares and forcing his reaction to himself in a compromising situation. It was all he could have hoped for. Fear had actually shown on L's pale face for an instant before it was swallowed by his practiced blankness.
But he hadn't kept such a stoic look when seeing Light kiss someone else. He'd looked almost pained. And when Light was able to capture his gaze, to reopen the channel between them and force-feed through it every emotion and every craving he'd felt the last many weeks...
The reaction had been delicious.
He closed his eyes and allowed himself to savor the image that had been emblazoned in his mind. L's unconsciously parted lips, the hazy flush across his pale cheeks, the almost drugged look in those large dark eyes, and the impression that if Light had but beckoned him...
L had tipped his hand - he could no longer hide the effect Light had on him, that he more than shared Light's sentiments.
But he could hide physically, much to Light's annoyance.
What was the use of hiding anyway? Their joining was inevitable, L just had to own up to that and stop thinking he had any choice in the matter.
Light kept scanning the students for a glimpse of white shirt and messy dark hair.
Misa had protested his sudden departure, but he waved it off with a distracted excuse. His only concern was L. He had to know what was going on in his mind, and the reason for his hasty retreat. Surely he hadn't somehow mistaken something? He'd been blatantly obvious...
If that was the case, Light would gladly press him up against the nearest wall and convince him more thoroughly.
---
Light entered headquarters for the first time in weeks, interrupting what looked like... a meeting?
"Ah, Light-kun," L said blandly. "Nice of you to join us, finally." He stirred his hot cocoa after a precursory glance. It was a special blend of cocoa, straight from the British Isles, and very, very expensive. A Christmas gift from Watari. He'd been holding back on it for what seemed like a ridiculously long time.
Light maintained a surprised silence.
"Are you quite finished with-" L turned to Light's father, "-school, was it?"
Yagami-san nodded.
L turned back to Light. "Right. Are you done with your examinations or whatever it was that was taxing your concentration?"
"Yes," Light answered stiffly. "All but one went exceedingly well."
"Hmn," L said noncommittally, indicating he was done with the younger boy, and started sipping his luxuriant hot cocoa. Oh, but it was blissful. Excruciatingly blissful. But he mustn't forget the task at hand. "Mogi-san? Where are we at with the Hindelburg profiling reports?"
"Ah, they are just 2 days out from being completed."
L turned to Aizawa. "Reflective graph of frequency statistics?"
Aizawa's dislike for L was usually below the surface, but just now he looked like he'd eaten something moldy. "36 hours, depending on the data from the Shimajiri and Umeda Districts."
"Ah, good."
L slurped his cocoa almost pointedly, to the mild discomfort of everyone in the room. When he finished, he set his mug down began an intricate debate with Yagami-san over the usefulness of cross-checking the Kyūshū & Okinawa Prefectures against the newest information they'd gathered.
Â
Light felt like he was in a daze. He had not seen L whip them all into such organized shape in a long while, nor had he not been a part of it. He was being ignored? "Ryuuzaki..." It felt odd calling him that, when it was most definitely L who was in charge here at this moment. "Isn't there something you needed me to do?"
L looked over at him apathetically.
Light waited expectantly, searching for a glimmer of unease or uncertainty, or anything he'd seen of L's behavior in the past several weeks.
"Help Matsuda," L said and turned back to the elder Yagami.
You BITCH, Light thought at the detective, indignation coursing through his body. We both know Matsuda is about the most useless- jfdhjsvdcsHKJVHJKDShjgdxc
---
"Hi, Light!" Matsuda piped as Light skulked over to his section of the room. "It's so cool that you're going to be helping me." He smiled adoringly. "I'm making pie-charts," he said in a confidential, self-important whisper.
Observing Matsuda was like watching a two year old discover its toes.
The conditioned response for most humans was to speak a few octaves higher and be indulgent, and he was not immune. "Are you now?" he said with forced cordiality and interest. Shoot me. SHOOT ME. Oh god, give me a gun, I'll do it myself. Only give me two bullets. L is begging for it.
"Uh-huh. See the blue here, and the mauve? Well..." Light was desperately trying to tune it out, the useless tripe that Matsuda hadn't realized was L's version of busy work.
"And..." Matsuda was saying, "It's kinda weird how Ryuuzaki has you helping me, isn't it? I mean, he's always given you the most challenging work... and I'd like to think that he's finally acknowledged my contribution to the investigation... but it really does seem that maybe he's just displeased with you or something, doesn't it?"
L, even MATSUDA has noticed. If that doesn't say you're being obvious, I don't know what does.
"Perhaps," Light mock-considered, delicate concern threading his voice. "Maybe I should go speak with him." There was no maybe about it! L had gone too far, and it was his own fault if Light walked over there and-
"Or," Matsuda rushed to say, "you might wait a while? At least until he and your father have finished their discussion?"
"Mn." Light made himself retake his seat. He couldn't do even half of what he'd like to do to L, let alone strangle him. He also preferred not to subject himself to his father's scrutiny in L's presence or rely on L behaving and not saying things that would stoke the fires of suspicion - because he would - just to be a pain in the ass.
"Do you want anything, Light? I could buy you a soda... or tea?"
Matsuda's smile was warm and flustered. Light gagged at the thought of whatever it was the man had in his fluffy excuse for a brain. He sent glares at L's back wishing him harsh and speedy retribution for this heinousness.
Light forced a smile. "No, nothing, thank you."
"Are you sure?" Matsuda looked disappointed.
Why, are you going to slip something into my drink?, he thought drolly. Who knew, Matsuda could be one of the quiet sort that resorted to drastic measures when things didn't go his way. It was a classic turned-down-at-the-bar move.
No, no, he wasn't the type. But still, it was ghastly that he was exhibiting date behavior. There was nothing else it could be. But what in the name of God and humanity would possess the idiot to think that Light would accept his overtures?
"I'm fine. I think... you may be right. Ryuuzaki must be upset with me somehow..." Light funneled as much naivety and pure-hearted despair into his voice as he could muster, "I can't really concentrate like this. I should just go talk to him."
Light was becoming willing to deal with his father if it meant escaping these awkward attempts of his companion. So he liked a boy, one boy - that didn't mean he all of a sudden had no standards. Even though he wondered at his choice of such an infuriating, obnoxious boy...
...who was also a phenomenal strategist with an unparalleled mind for logic and deductive reasoning... who had a rare smile that, while small, was completely genuine and precious.
Damn.
Maybe he should strangle L before his thoughts were completely taken over.
Light stood, locking eyes on the back of his target, and was galled that the lines of L's back and the curve of his shoulder that were visible past the back of the chair he occupied were so intriguing. The over-sized, long-sleeved shirt draping his thin frame made him look fragile and small, although Light knew he was not. It gaped at the neck, exposing the sweep of his collar bones, and framed his pale, graceful throat and the inviting line of his jaw.
Light became aware of a hand on his arm, holding him back.
He looked down and found that the dark-haired man-boy (for while he was old enough to be a man, he acted more the child) was clinging to him with a dismayed and ingratiating look. "Light, where are you going? L already told you what you should do - it would be pointless to talk to him again so soon- "
"Matsuda-san," Light said sternly. He had become increasingly annoyed with Matsuda's informal mode of address. In most circles, calling him other than "Yagami-kun" would be considered highly improper. "Please remove your hand." It was also ballsy, or in this case stupid, to deem one's self worthy of laying hands on him.
Matsuda cowered under his disapproval, and the hand slunk back to his side. "I'm sorry Light-kun."
Light nodded. "If you'll excuse me."
---
"Ah, Light!" Yagami senior greeted his son. "I was just telling Ryuuzaki about your new girlfriend."
"Oh?" Why in the hell had that come up?
"He's quite jealous."
Light felt a surge of hope but quashed it quickly. Surely if L voiced any sort of emotion towards him, his father would sound less... bubbly? Was it wordplay then? Was the detective admitting something, if only he could weed through their higher channels of communication to find the hidden meaning? Was he finally going to get a glimpse past L's new stony veneer?
"The famous Misa-Misa," L said. "Light, you never cease to surprise me."
There was nothing further in his look to indicate whether the supposed jealousy was towards himself or Misa. L was at his most ambiguous now. He was trolling for responses, cataloging reactions, and none of his comments could be trusted or taken in context.
"Ryuuzaki has been a fan for years, isn't that funny?" Yagami senior said. "I never would have guessed."
Funny? Try inaccurate. L wasn't a fan. L had not focused on Misa for even a moment that time. L had been focused on him, and he on L, and Misa had been no more than a prop. How exactly was that fanboy behavior?
"Neither would I," Light said with slight surprise. He turned to L and said conversationally, "I did not even know she was a model at first, but my mother and sister, well-" polite laugh, "Wherever did you hear of Misa, Ryuuzaki?"
"T.V."
Liar.
"I didn't know you watched television."
"There are a lot of things about me that Light-kun doesn't know."
L's gaze met his, and the dark eyes were reflective, showing nothing.
Yagami-san coughed pointedly.
"I would assume nothing less," Light said, ignoring his father, "but if there were something you wished me to know, perhaps it would be better if you came out with it."
"Now, now," Light's father said hurriedly, "let's have none of that." He put a hand on Light's shoulder and tried to encourage him out of the deadlock stare in which the two were engaged.
"No," L said, waving him off, "your son has a point."
Light bristled at the 3rd person address.
"I have been wondering at his lack of follow-through."
"Would you mind not acting like I wasn't here?" Light gritted out.
L turned back to him. "My apologies, Light-kun. That was rude of me." The apology lacked a certain something. Sincerity, was it?
"Where, exactly, do you find me to be lacking?" Light demanded.
A flicker of emotion passed through L's eyes, buried and non-existent almost as soon as he'd witnessed it. Dull eyes regarded him. "I find it exceedingly hard to believe that someone who claims to be as dedicated as you, and with your intelligence, could allow yourself to deceive us as to the real reason for your absence - and with such a flimsy excuse as 'school'. Are you really the sort of person with such a shallow sense of duty that you would allow dating to get in the way of your obligations? That you would ignore any effect that would have on how people perceive you?"
Light gaped a little. L was subtly whipping out all of the inconsistencies, splaying them on the table in his concise way, and showcasing them for his father. School was a flimsy excuse, true, but one that had worked for him for years. His family had no reason to doubt it as he had always underplayed his intelligence. And the notion that he would allow dating to impede anything was ludicrous, especially if it affected how people perceived him.
L was calling him out, asking him the real reason a person like him was leaving false trails of that sort - wanting to know what was of greater import to him than his precious self-image.
His father might not infer all of that, but this would be causing him some trouble for a while.
"Ryuuzaki, I'm not sure what to say..." Light spread his hands and looked at him unhappily. "Have you never been in love?"
Shocked reactions all around.
Light hadn't actually meant to let that slip, but it would be assumed that he meant Misa, so it wouldn't be much of a problem. But part of him wanted L to know - wanted to answer his question as to what could make him act outside of his usual patterns - and that it would take nothing less than this blinding desire he had to be with him. Possibly the only thing that would evoke self-sacrifice.
Yagami senior was torn between jubilation, worry, and confusion. The first because he could lay to rest his suspicion that his son was a deviant, the second because he was convinced his son was a deviant and might be acting merely to conceal it, the third because he didn't like the hinting L had done at Light's untrustworthiness. "Light... you're in love with Misa?"
"...I hate to admit as much..." Light trailed, hoping his father would take the ambiguous answer to mean yes, while giving L more reason to doubt.
"When did you discover this, Light-kun?" L asked dejectedly, still playing the obsessed-Misa-fan card.
Light looked L squarely in the eyes. "Several weeks ago."Â That's when all this started, L, when you began to intrude into my every thought. Misa was merely to forestall my father. I could never care about such a creature.
Flicker. There it was again, some small change in L's dark eyes that was as elusive as his smiles could be.
"Too bad for you, Ryuuzaki," Yagami senior laughed awkwardly. "If Light feels that way, I have no doubt he'll convince her to feel the same."Â
"Nor have I," L said noncommittally. "Light-kun can be very convincing."
Let me be alone with you for but a few moments, and I'll show you convincing. Something in his expression must've shown because the detective's face betrayed another infinitesimal reaction.
"For instance," L stated, "One would think that a public display of a physical nature, even with one's boyfriend, would incite the kind of negative publicity that models try to avoid. Light-kun must have been exceptionally charming and insistent for Misa-Misa to risk any amount of tarnish to her career."
Dammit, L!!!
Light turned to his father who was regarding him with a look that heralded nothing but trouble.
"Light," he said with disconcerted confusion, "I thought you said that such actions were of the lowest sort? That you couldn't tolerate, how did you phrase it, 'the pawing of females that men do to show their interest'?"
Light fought the trapped and flustered feeling that was welling up alarmingly. L was regarding him with a raised eyebrow, and the most emotive face he'd seen yet.
THIS was why he kept all of his points of contact separate and compartmentalized - once they compared information, the results could be disastrous. For one, he always catered his speech to the listener. What he said to his father, he would never have said in L's presence. There was too much that could be read into it. And what could he say in his defense? He did in fact feign physical interest in Misa in public. Though it was to get at L, he couldn't very well say so. He was stuck being humiliated that he had behaved in a manner that was contrary to his professed feelings about the matter. All because L chose to open his mouth and get the drop on him. Again.
"Father, it was hardly the situation that Ryuuzaki has so vividly painted. It was barely a kiss, and a common enough greeting for students who are involved with each other. I assure you that no one but Ryuuzaki thought anything of it, and that could be attributed to his apparent jealousy."
"..." L was glaring at him.
Light felt triumph sizzle sweetly in his veins. The two of them knew who L had been jealous of, and it wasn't Light. Thank the powers that be, he'd found a way to turn this cumbersome line of conversation back on the detective, transferring himself out of the hot seat. The ire the dark-eyed boy was displaying now was an added bonus.
"Yagami-kun is not very nice," L pouted, hiding away again.Â
"That's not true, Ryuuzaki," Light pursued this on the fake level L had transitioned the game to. "Why would you say such a thing?"
"Friends do not tease on such a level."
Oh, well that could be taken two different ways... A friend would not intentionally kiss their girlfriend in front of a friend who liked said girl - flaunting what they had. But a friend would also not tease on an intimate level, the way that Light had been doing while pursuing L. One meaning for his father to take, and one meaning that was the reality.
"Are we friends, Ryuuzaki?" Light had to be careful here - his father was watching this like a hawk, and likely remembered Light announcing with surety that he and the detective were not friends.
"Perhaps not, though I've thought the potential is there." L's voice was flat, matter-of-fact. He was locking out his emotions again. A casual observer might not detect this, but the more deadpan L was, the more he was secreting away. He could not do that and playact at the same time very effectively.
"So have I, though I never would have expected you to express a desire for friendship." Good god, he was echoing his father's words. But his choice of dialogue was limited with his father in attendance... crippled even.
"And why should I have to ask? Is true friendship not freely given? Or is it the empty shell of social niceties we are discussing here?"
L was... L was actually bothered at the thought that they might not be friends? "Ryuuzaki..."
L held up a hand. "Do not worry about it, Light-kun. I don't want the same friendship you offer to everyone else."Â He sighed and got to his feet. His dark eyes were trailing the floor. "If you'll excuse me, Yagami-san, Light-kun. I have other matters I really must attend to."
With that, L left the room.
Light suppressed the urge to go after him. Damn his father.
"That was an odd conversation, to say the least," Yagami senior said slowly.
Light was in no mood. "I hope you don't expect me to make sense of it. The most I can say is that the pressure of the investigation must finally be getting to him."
"..." Yagami-san was silent a moment. "What are you going to do now that you know L likes Misa?"
Light scoffed before he could stop himself.
L like Misa? The very idea was so preposterous he could hardly play that charade properly. "There is nothing to be done. I was unaware until this moment. Besides, people's affections are not so easily rearranged. Even had L had some sort of social arena in which to meet Misa before I did, I doubt that she would have had the same sort of interest in him."Â Unless, of course, Ryuuzaki was Kira. Then Misa could have transferred all her clingy obsessiveness to him. Though that might have proved very annoying.
"What did he mean by not wanting the same friendship you have with other people?" Light's father was frowning. "I can take that one of two ways, and I don't particularly like either."
Light blinked innocent eyes. "I'm not sure what you mean?" He was counting on his father not wanting to reiterate the obvious possibilities.
"Well... either he's implying that the quality of your typical friendships is sub-par, or he is expressing a wish to have something more meaningful than that with you." Yagami-san peered at his son. "Now, which do you think it might be? And I expect a non-evasive answer this time."
Great, now L has made his father even more paranoid. "Ryuuzaki has been observing me at school, as you know," he began. His father nodded. "It is likely he sees my acquaintanceships and views them as farces of friendship... not realizing that true friendships are not so common. So, I would say that both interpretations are partially accurate."
"And what if Ryuuzaki is looking for something a little closer than friendship?" Yagami-san pressed.
"I hope you're not implying-"
"I am."
Shit. What had gotten into his father these days that he should have to constantly defend against inquisitions such as these?? "Then how is it he would be jealous that I'm dating Misa? It's preposterous."
"Unless, he wasn't jealous of you, but of Misa. It isn't a large leap of logic to assume someone of his intellect would need more than a pretty face to become truly interested in someone."
Stop figuring things out! Light tried to stay calm. He did not like being on the receiving end of his inherited intelligence's powers of deduction. If he had ever doubted, which he hadn't, his brains were bestowed as a gift from his father's side. He cursed that now. It would be much easier if it were his mother instead - she wasn't running around loose to throw him into evaluations like this at any moment.
"Are you saying that Misa is mentally lacking?" he said with an edge to his voice, seeing an opportunity to take the offensive. "That she is too stupid for Ryuuzaki to like? And what does that say for your assessment of my taste, I wonder?" God, he really wanted to say that anyone too stupid for L was too stupid for him, but his father was, as of yet, largely unaware of how closely matched their intellects truly were.Â
"Light, that's not-"
"I'm going home," he announced, a faint scowl on his face. Not enough to be disrespectful, but enough to convey his displeasure. He needed to get out of here before his father tried to elaborate further. Because that would go nowhere good.
---
In the hallway, Light paused to consider. His father would likely not be home for hours - which afforded him some leeway.
Maybe he could find L after all.
---
TBC
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A/N:
The chapter title is a snatch of lyrics from the song "If you tolerate this.." by David Usher on the Hallucinations album
((The previous chapter's title, if you caught that, lived in an 80s song. But 'weekends are made for fun' is also a saying, so no song credit.))
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Thank you, reviewers!
I love you and promise to give massive hugs then stalk you (and then set up under your bed to write death note porn. xD). Or perhaps I should just hand out cookies? Oh, decisions... porn or cookies...
(Chapter 6: Gravity Holds My Head Down. Or Is It Maybe Shame?)
Light x L
L begins to suspect something is missing from his life. He believes the key to be in social interaction - his weak point. At the appearance of the enigma named Light Yagami, he is challenged to rise to the occasion.
Disclaimer: see ch. 1 for full disclaimer
_______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________
Chapter 6:
This would be monumental.
No, it would be a disaster...
Monumental implied something good.
Nothing of the sort was expected by L as an outcome of this inevitable confrontation.
L held his head in his hands, having the privacy to do so since he'd left the school.
Would it be a confrontation? Didn't that imply some gravity of feeling on the part of both involved parties?
An image of Light arose in his mind unbidden and suddenly he felt wildly sick.
Friendship with someone of equal standing would be just the thing to distract a genius who was also a recluse a little off the path of pursuit... wasn't that exactly the sort of conclusion Kira would draw? And the chances that Kira and Light were NOT one and the same? ...Let's just say that betting one's life on that would be a pretty successful suicide.
Friendship... L had to wonder if that was all this feeling stemmed from. Had Kira won an even bigger prize than he had planned for?
L decided not to let himself go down that path.
He clung to the friend notion. It was all he could handle.
Tomorrow he would settle it.
He was fairly certain that if he could see Light's face when he asked him about all this, that he would be able to ascertain any truth or lack thereof. He couldn't place why he thought he had that sort of skill, when he lacked so many others in the social realm, but the certainty remained.
Tomorrow...
His stomach lurched at the very thought of it.
Could he remain calm and unblinking delivering a show of insecurity such as this was? As he was letting someone know for the first time that he might actually need something from them... that he was at a disadvantage...
Good god. If he didn't believe so adamantly that alcohol destroyed precious braincells, he'd be well and on his way to getting totally, ridiculously drunk right now.
In fact, he was near considering breaking that personal commandment.
L buried his head in his arms.
Had he really fallen so low as this?
This was pathetic.
Are you happy Light? I'm going to become an alcoholic, and then where will you be?
The Light in his head answered: "Quite happy. Without you to pursue me, I will roam free and kill people all day long. MUAHAHAHAA. Ha."
I hate you.
Phantom Light: "Ah, so now you'll be an alcoholic AND a liar. Shameful, Ryuuzaki." -smirk-
"GrrAAAAAhHhh!" L growled in frustration, slamming his palms on the tabletop. "That sounds just like something you'd say!"
Get out of my head! Please...
It was not the prickle of tears L felt then. No. It had to be some new allergy or something he'd never bothered to notice before now. Some horrible new pollen or some such thing that was so ghastly that it blurred your vision, too.
"Dammit..."
---
Light was reading his text on European History, relaxing at his desk with a warm mug of tea.
He was, at the same time, contemplating his strategy regarding his dark-haired, elusive quarry.
He turned a page with a lethargic hand and sipped his tea.
L had disappeared partway through the day today - not typical of his previous pattern. His shirking was a liability. It would become very difficult indeed if he went back into hiding... Light realized he would have to set things in motion as early as tomorrow. L had been growing steadily less predictable of late. For once, though, Light had no ready reasons to offer himself as explanation of this. Unless L had decided he wasn't good enough to be a suspect? Not good enough to keep watch over any longer?
Possible.
Maybe.
But it was equally likely that he was just feeling a sort of reluctance at admitting the pull that existed between them.
Am I the first to get close to you like this, Ryuuzaki?
The thought was a gratifying one; It sent a faint flush of heat over his body.
The first to corner you, the first to demand from you, the first that will claim you...The first to engage you both body and mind...
Light leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, tea and book all but forgotten. L, L... Ryuuzaki... do you even know what you do to me?
His body thrummed with want, with expectation. With need as all encompassing now as it was ignorable all these years past...
"Do you have any idea?" he whispered.
---
Wednesday. 8:32 am.
Of course it had to be raining, L thought bitterly.
Today of all days, he did not favor the thought of looking like a drowned rat.
Should that matter when you're only going to discuss a "friendship", you ask?
It doesn't.
At all.
But... but do you have any idea what this hair does when it gets exposed to the elements? To wind and rain? It... tries to curl up on the ends. And when thoroughly drenched it looks a little like I've melted - this hair slicks down past my shoulders.
I take it all back. Yes, it does matter when it is hashing out a friendship with Light - who would likely see any such dishevelment as evidence of personal failing...
But there was nothing for it.
The rain had ambushed him as soon as he set foot on campus. And though it was tempting, he just couldn't make himself run for shelter. It was only rain, after all, and his pride wouldn't allow it.
---
L caught sight of Light shortly after the other boy's first class let out. L had refrained from going in, like he normally would have, as he was dripping a small flood of water and did not want to suffer the looks he'd receive sitting at one of the desks as water pooled beneath him. Drip, drip, drip. No.
He was leaning against a wall off to the side, as he waited, so he was not surprised the brunette failed to notice him when he emerged with the other students. But it did annoy him. How long had it been since Light had acknowledged him? How long, when it used to be that their gazes would find each other almost magnetically, regardless of which way they were facing or what occupied them?
How long since he'd seen those warm gold eyes head-on? came the sullen thought.
No, no, stick to the annoyance, L reprimanded himself. He was stronger with anger. Sadness was weakness.
He peeled himself off the wall, and trailed the brunette.
He focused on the shine of perfectly dry, perfectly arranged, silky, light brown hair. He took in the confident stride, the self-assured set of the shoulders, each thing a sharp jab in his chest. He marveled at the way Light's clothes fit like they were made for him and lent him an air of casual, effortless class. So at odds with his own appearance, all of it. Light was just... enviable.
L's eyes were drawn unwittingly to Light's slim waist, the straight flare of his hips, and down the path of his long, long legs. He was also... desirable.
It didn't mean anything if he admitted that. The evidence was plain to see on the faces of many who he passed. Envy, desire, awe.
And several weeks ago, he had thought he might be friends with such a person. It had not occurred to him then that he might not possess the proper criteria to be as such.
He had taken any courting of friendship as his due. He hadn't realized...
"WOW are you wet, Ryuu."
L suppressed a twitch and spared a baleful glance at Graham. "Yes, I had noticed." Figures, he couldn't get Light's attention no matter how hard he pursued... but here he had this boy's attention in abundance.
Graham had fallen in pace with him, and just now panned his eyes up L in leisurely appreciation. "Looks good on you." he reached out and brushed fingers lightly down L's side. "Hmm. See-through," he said more to himself.
L didn't think either comment justified a response.
He looked back at the crowd, and to his annoyance, Light had slipped away from him in that split-second of distraction. "Damn it," he muttered.
"What's wrong?"
"You made me lose him." How aggravating.
"Who, Light?"
L sent him a complicated glare.
"Well, it was a likely guess," Graham said defensively. "Besides, he's just over there." The light-eyed boy jerked a thumb towards a place not 20 feet from where they were standing.
L felt his feet slow.
All he seemed to be able to focus on was Light's hand on someone's shoulder.
A very delicate bare shoulder, with very blonde hair swept over it. The girlfriend? His eyes seemed rooted to the spot, unable to look past it to the owner of that well-formed hand, after his fleeting recognition. It was as if his eyes were afraid to catch an expression on the other boy's face that they couldn't erase... some tender look befitting a newly forged couple...
Beneath the blonde hair he could see a thin black strap, part of a corset-style top. Above that, a pale throat and a pretty face filled with adoration. Her eyes closed, her lips brushing a pair of sensuous ones that tilted delicately down.
L felt his throat start to constrict. It doesn't matter. It's only to be expected.
He made his gaze travel up, past Light's aristocratic nose, and found himself falling into the deep intensity of a glowing amber gaze.
L felt his face flush at the utter look of lust that was in those eyes, eyes that were acknowledging him at last, reasserting that neglected connection in a highly intimate fashion. They made a slow sweep up his body that made him feel as if he were wearing nothing at all. The self-satisfied look that surfaced on the other boy's face, openly admitted knowledge of L's existence from before this moment. Light's lids lowered and and a sultry smile began to slowly curve his lips.
L was so shamefully enthralled with the perfection of that mouth that he almost didn't notice the girl start to turn to see what was distracting her boyfriend from kissing her.
Before she could, Light dipped his head to speak at her ear, while meeting L's gaze through the tops of his eyes. The intensity -and everything else- as present as before, if not more so. The link between them solidified, tightened, threatening to pull them together impossibly.
It was too raw.
He felt like he was burning alive, and it was wrong, so wrong.
L turned and started walking away before he even realized it. Unwittingly fleeing the scene before he lost what little control he had.
What was he thinking?
What could he possibly be thinking??
Pulling something like that with his girlfriend right there? Wasn't he concerned that she might notice... L felt a dreadful realization begin to dawn on him. What if he didn't care if the girlfriend noticed... What if that was less important than seeing what reaction his behavior might garner?
Does he already know?
That I... L couldn't bear to finish the thought. He ducked into an abandoned alcove, needing a moment. His fingers dug into his arms as they crossed protectively over his chest. A worthless barrier against the riot of his insides.
Was that the source of those heady looks?
Is he taunting me with it?
His back slid down the wall, leaving him in a mockery of his comforting crouch. His hands were shaking as they clenched bruisingly through the damp white fabric of his cold shirt. How callous he is...
L dropped his head to his knees.
...
It was done then...
...
He had the proof he needed.
Now he just had to find some way to deal with it, and himself.
---
Nowhere.
Nowhere.
Light's frustration peaked. Everything had gone perfectly... Everything except the end. He hadn't expected L to turn on his heel and vanish. Now he could find no trace of the dark-haired detective and he had the feeling that something irrevocable had taken place.
It had been so hard to pretend he was unaware of the other boy's presence all this time.
But he'd managed, and executed his maneuver perfectly - capturing L unawares and forcing his reaction to himself in a compromising situation. It was all he could have hoped for. Fear had actually shown on L's pale face for an instant before it was swallowed by his practiced blankness.
But he hadn't kept such a stoic look when seeing Light kiss someone else. He'd looked almost pained. And when Light was able to capture his gaze, to reopen the channel between them and force-feed through it every emotion and every craving he'd felt the last many weeks...
The reaction had been delicious.
He closed his eyes and allowed himself to savor the image that had been emblazoned in his mind. L's unconsciously parted lips, the hazy flush across his pale cheeks, the almost drugged look in those large dark eyes, and the impression that if Light had but beckoned him...
L had tipped his hand - he could no longer hide the effect Light had on him, that he more than shared Light's sentiments.
But he could hide physically, much to Light's annoyance.
What was the use of hiding anyway? Their joining was inevitable, L just had to own up to that and stop thinking he had any choice in the matter.
Light kept scanning the students for a glimpse of white shirt and messy dark hair.
Misa had protested his sudden departure, but he waved it off with a distracted excuse. His only concern was L. He had to know what was going on in his mind, and the reason for his hasty retreat. Surely he hadn't somehow mistaken something? He'd been blatantly obvious...
If that was the case, Light would gladly press him up against the nearest wall and convince him more thoroughly.
---
Light entered headquarters for the first time in weeks, interrupting what looked like... a meeting?
"Ah, Light-kun," L said blandly. "Nice of you to join us, finally." He stirred his hot cocoa after a precursory glance. It was a special blend of cocoa, straight from the British Isles, and very, very expensive. A Christmas gift from Watari. He'd been holding back on it for what seemed like a ridiculously long time.
Light maintained a surprised silence.
"Are you quite finished with-" L turned to Light's father, "-school, was it?"
Yagami-san nodded.
L turned back to Light. "Right. Are you done with your examinations or whatever it was that was taxing your concentration?"
"Yes," Light answered stiffly. "All but one went exceedingly well."
"Hmn," L said noncommittally, indicating he was done with the younger boy, and started sipping his luxuriant hot cocoa. Oh, but it was blissful. Excruciatingly blissful. But he mustn't forget the task at hand. "Mogi-san? Where are we at with the Hindelburg profiling reports?"
"Ah, they are just 2 days out from being completed."
L turned to Aizawa. "Reflective graph of frequency statistics?"
Aizawa's dislike for L was usually below the surface, but just now he looked like he'd eaten something moldy. "36 hours, depending on the data from the Shimajiri and Umeda Districts."
"Ah, good."
L slurped his cocoa almost pointedly, to the mild discomfort of everyone in the room. When he finished, he set his mug down began an intricate debate with Yagami-san over the usefulness of cross-checking the Kyūshū & Okinawa Prefectures against the newest information they'd gathered.
Â
Light felt like he was in a daze. He had not seen L whip them all into such organized shape in a long while, nor had he not been a part of it. He was being ignored? "Ryuuzaki..." It felt odd calling him that, when it was most definitely L who was in charge here at this moment. "Isn't there something you needed me to do?"
L looked over at him apathetically.
Light waited expectantly, searching for a glimmer of unease or uncertainty, or anything he'd seen of L's behavior in the past several weeks.
"Help Matsuda," L said and turned back to the elder Yagami.
You BITCH, Light thought at the detective, indignation coursing through his body. We both know Matsuda is about the most useless- jfdhjsvdcsHKJVHJKDShjgdxc
---
"Hi, Light!" Matsuda piped as Light skulked over to his section of the room. "It's so cool that you're going to be helping me." He smiled adoringly. "I'm making pie-charts," he said in a confidential, self-important whisper.
Observing Matsuda was like watching a two year old discover its toes.
The conditioned response for most humans was to speak a few octaves higher and be indulgent, and he was not immune. "Are you now?" he said with forced cordiality and interest. Shoot me. SHOOT ME. Oh god, give me a gun, I'll do it myself. Only give me two bullets. L is begging for it.
"Uh-huh. See the blue here, and the mauve? Well..." Light was desperately trying to tune it out, the useless tripe that Matsuda hadn't realized was L's version of busy work.
"And..." Matsuda was saying, "It's kinda weird how Ryuuzaki has you helping me, isn't it? I mean, he's always given you the most challenging work... and I'd like to think that he's finally acknowledged my contribution to the investigation... but it really does seem that maybe he's just displeased with you or something, doesn't it?"
L, even MATSUDA has noticed. If that doesn't say you're being obvious, I don't know what does.
"Perhaps," Light mock-considered, delicate concern threading his voice. "Maybe I should go speak with him." There was no maybe about it! L had gone too far, and it was his own fault if Light walked over there and-
"Or," Matsuda rushed to say, "you might wait a while? At least until he and your father have finished their discussion?"
"Mn." Light made himself retake his seat. He couldn't do even half of what he'd like to do to L, let alone strangle him. He also preferred not to subject himself to his father's scrutiny in L's presence or rely on L behaving and not saying things that would stoke the fires of suspicion - because he would - just to be a pain in the ass.
"Do you want anything, Light? I could buy you a soda... or tea?"
Matsuda's smile was warm and flustered. Light gagged at the thought of whatever it was the man had in his fluffy excuse for a brain. He sent glares at L's back wishing him harsh and speedy retribution for this heinousness.
Light forced a smile. "No, nothing, thank you."
"Are you sure?" Matsuda looked disappointed.
Why, are you going to slip something into my drink?, he thought drolly. Who knew, Matsuda could be one of the quiet sort that resorted to drastic measures when things didn't go his way. It was a classic turned-down-at-the-bar move.
No, no, he wasn't the type. But still, it was ghastly that he was exhibiting date behavior. There was nothing else it could be. But what in the name of God and humanity would possess the idiot to think that Light would accept his overtures?
"I'm fine. I think... you may be right. Ryuuzaki must be upset with me somehow..." Light funneled as much naivety and pure-hearted despair into his voice as he could muster, "I can't really concentrate like this. I should just go talk to him."
Light was becoming willing to deal with his father if it meant escaping these awkward attempts of his companion. So he liked a boy, one boy - that didn't mean he all of a sudden had no standards. Even though he wondered at his choice of such an infuriating, obnoxious boy...
...who was also a phenomenal strategist with an unparalleled mind for logic and deductive reasoning... who had a rare smile that, while small, was completely genuine and precious.
Damn.
Maybe he should strangle L before his thoughts were completely taken over.
Light stood, locking eyes on the back of his target, and was galled that the lines of L's back and the curve of his shoulder that were visible past the back of the chair he occupied were so intriguing. The over-sized, long-sleeved shirt draping his thin frame made him look fragile and small, although Light knew he was not. It gaped at the neck, exposing the sweep of his collar bones, and framed his pale, graceful throat and the inviting line of his jaw.
Light became aware of a hand on his arm, holding him back.
He looked down and found that the dark-haired man-boy (for while he was old enough to be a man, he acted more the child) was clinging to him with a dismayed and ingratiating look. "Light, where are you going? L already told you what you should do - it would be pointless to talk to him again so soon- "
"Matsuda-san," Light said sternly. He had become increasingly annoyed with Matsuda's informal mode of address. In most circles, calling him other than "Yagami-kun" would be considered highly improper. "Please remove your hand." It was also ballsy, or in this case stupid, to deem one's self worthy of laying hands on him.
Matsuda cowered under his disapproval, and the hand slunk back to his side. "I'm sorry Light-kun."
Light nodded. "If you'll excuse me."
---
"Ah, Light!" Yagami senior greeted his son. "I was just telling Ryuuzaki about your new girlfriend."
"Oh?" Why in the hell had that come up?
"He's quite jealous."
Light felt a surge of hope but quashed it quickly. Surely if L voiced any sort of emotion towards him, his father would sound less... bubbly? Was it wordplay then? Was the detective admitting something, if only he could weed through their higher channels of communication to find the hidden meaning? Was he finally going to get a glimpse past L's new stony veneer?
"The famous Misa-Misa," L said. "Light, you never cease to surprise me."
There was nothing further in his look to indicate whether the supposed jealousy was towards himself or Misa. L was at his most ambiguous now. He was trolling for responses, cataloging reactions, and none of his comments could be trusted or taken in context.
"Ryuuzaki has been a fan for years, isn't that funny?" Yagami senior said. "I never would have guessed."
Funny? Try inaccurate. L wasn't a fan. L had not focused on Misa for even a moment that time. L had been focused on him, and he on L, and Misa had been no more than a prop. How exactly was that fanboy behavior?
"Neither would I," Light said with slight surprise. He turned to L and said conversationally, "I did not even know she was a model at first, but my mother and sister, well-" polite laugh, "Wherever did you hear of Misa, Ryuuzaki?"
"T.V."
Liar.
"I didn't know you watched television."
"There are a lot of things about me that Light-kun doesn't know."
L's gaze met his, and the dark eyes were reflective, showing nothing.
Yagami-san coughed pointedly.
"I would assume nothing less," Light said, ignoring his father, "but if there were something you wished me to know, perhaps it would be better if you came out with it."
"Now, now," Light's father said hurriedly, "let's have none of that." He put a hand on Light's shoulder and tried to encourage him out of the deadlock stare in which the two were engaged.
"No," L said, waving him off, "your son has a point."
Light bristled at the 3rd person address.
"I have been wondering at his lack of follow-through."
"Would you mind not acting like I wasn't here?" Light gritted out.
L turned back to him. "My apologies, Light-kun. That was rude of me." The apology lacked a certain something. Sincerity, was it?
"Where, exactly, do you find me to be lacking?" Light demanded.
A flicker of emotion passed through L's eyes, buried and non-existent almost as soon as he'd witnessed it. Dull eyes regarded him. "I find it exceedingly hard to believe that someone who claims to be as dedicated as you, and with your intelligence, could allow yourself to deceive us as to the real reason for your absence - and with such a flimsy excuse as 'school'. Are you really the sort of person with such a shallow sense of duty that you would allow dating to get in the way of your obligations? That you would ignore any effect that would have on how people perceive you?"
Light gaped a little. L was subtly whipping out all of the inconsistencies, splaying them on the table in his concise way, and showcasing them for his father. School was a flimsy excuse, true, but one that had worked for him for years. His family had no reason to doubt it as he had always underplayed his intelligence. And the notion that he would allow dating to impede anything was ludicrous, especially if it affected how people perceived him.
L was calling him out, asking him the real reason a person like him was leaving false trails of that sort - wanting to know what was of greater import to him than his precious self-image.
His father might not infer all of that, but this would be causing him some trouble for a while.
"Ryuuzaki, I'm not sure what to say..." Light spread his hands and looked at him unhappily. "Have you never been in love?"
Shocked reactions all around.
Light hadn't actually meant to let that slip, but it would be assumed that he meant Misa, so it wouldn't be much of a problem. But part of him wanted L to know - wanted to answer his question as to what could make him act outside of his usual patterns - and that it would take nothing less than this blinding desire he had to be with him. Possibly the only thing that would evoke self-sacrifice.
Yagami senior was torn between jubilation, worry, and confusion. The first because he could lay to rest his suspicion that his son was a deviant, the second because he was convinced his son was a deviant and might be acting merely to conceal it, the third because he didn't like the hinting L had done at Light's untrustworthiness. "Light... you're in love with Misa?"
"...I hate to admit as much..." Light trailed, hoping his father would take the ambiguous answer to mean yes, while giving L more reason to doubt.
"When did you discover this, Light-kun?" L asked dejectedly, still playing the obsessed-Misa-fan card.
Light looked L squarely in the eyes. "Several weeks ago."Â That's when all this started, L, when you began to intrude into my every thought. Misa was merely to forestall my father. I could never care about such a creature.
Flicker. There it was again, some small change in L's dark eyes that was as elusive as his smiles could be.
"Too bad for you, Ryuuzaki," Yagami senior laughed awkwardly. "If Light feels that way, I have no doubt he'll convince her to feel the same."Â
"Nor have I," L said noncommittally. "Light-kun can be very convincing."
Let me be alone with you for but a few moments, and I'll show you convincing. Something in his expression must've shown because the detective's face betrayed another infinitesimal reaction.
"For instance," L stated, "One would think that a public display of a physical nature, even with one's boyfriend, would incite the kind of negative publicity that models try to avoid. Light-kun must have been exceptionally charming and insistent for Misa-Misa to risk any amount of tarnish to her career."
Dammit, L!!!
Light turned to his father who was regarding him with a look that heralded nothing but trouble.
"Light," he said with disconcerted confusion, "I thought you said that such actions were of the lowest sort? That you couldn't tolerate, how did you phrase it, 'the pawing of females that men do to show their interest'?"
Light fought the trapped and flustered feeling that was welling up alarmingly. L was regarding him with a raised eyebrow, and the most emotive face he'd seen yet.
THIS was why he kept all of his points of contact separate and compartmentalized - once they compared information, the results could be disastrous. For one, he always catered his speech to the listener. What he said to his father, he would never have said in L's presence. There was too much that could be read into it. And what could he say in his defense? He did in fact feign physical interest in Misa in public. Though it was to get at L, he couldn't very well say so. He was stuck being humiliated that he had behaved in a manner that was contrary to his professed feelings about the matter. All because L chose to open his mouth and get the drop on him. Again.
"Father, it was hardly the situation that Ryuuzaki has so vividly painted. It was barely a kiss, and a common enough greeting for students who are involved with each other. I assure you that no one but Ryuuzaki thought anything of it, and that could be attributed to his apparent jealousy."
"..." L was glaring at him.
Light felt triumph sizzle sweetly in his veins. The two of them knew who L had been jealous of, and it wasn't Light. Thank the powers that be, he'd found a way to turn this cumbersome line of conversation back on the detective, transferring himself out of the hot seat. The ire the dark-eyed boy was displaying now was an added bonus.
"Yagami-kun is not very nice," L pouted, hiding away again.Â
"That's not true, Ryuuzaki," Light pursued this on the fake level L had transitioned the game to. "Why would you say such a thing?"
"Friends do not tease on such a level."
Oh, well that could be taken two different ways... A friend would not intentionally kiss their girlfriend in front of a friend who liked said girl - flaunting what they had. But a friend would also not tease on an intimate level, the way that Light had been doing while pursuing L. One meaning for his father to take, and one meaning that was the reality.
"Are we friends, Ryuuzaki?" Light had to be careful here - his father was watching this like a hawk, and likely remembered Light announcing with surety that he and the detective were not friends.
"Perhaps not, though I've thought the potential is there." L's voice was flat, matter-of-fact. He was locking out his emotions again. A casual observer might not detect this, but the more deadpan L was, the more he was secreting away. He could not do that and playact at the same time very effectively.
"So have I, though I never would have expected you to express a desire for friendship." Good god, he was echoing his father's words. But his choice of dialogue was limited with his father in attendance... crippled even.
"And why should I have to ask? Is true friendship not freely given? Or is it the empty shell of social niceties we are discussing here?"
L was... L was actually bothered at the thought that they might not be friends? "Ryuuzaki..."
L held up a hand. "Do not worry about it, Light-kun. I don't want the same friendship you offer to everyone else."Â He sighed and got to his feet. His dark eyes were trailing the floor. "If you'll excuse me, Yagami-san, Light-kun. I have other matters I really must attend to."
With that, L left the room.
Light suppressed the urge to go after him. Damn his father.
"That was an odd conversation, to say the least," Yagami senior said slowly.
Light was in no mood. "I hope you don't expect me to make sense of it. The most I can say is that the pressure of the investigation must finally be getting to him."
"..." Yagami-san was silent a moment. "What are you going to do now that you know L likes Misa?"
Light scoffed before he could stop himself.
L like Misa? The very idea was so preposterous he could hardly play that charade properly. "There is nothing to be done. I was unaware until this moment. Besides, people's affections are not so easily rearranged. Even had L had some sort of social arena in which to meet Misa before I did, I doubt that she would have had the same sort of interest in him."Â Unless, of course, Ryuuzaki was Kira. Then Misa could have transferred all her clingy obsessiveness to him. Though that might have proved very annoying.
"What did he mean by not wanting the same friendship you have with other people?" Light's father was frowning. "I can take that one of two ways, and I don't particularly like either."
Light blinked innocent eyes. "I'm not sure what you mean?" He was counting on his father not wanting to reiterate the obvious possibilities.
"Well... either he's implying that the quality of your typical friendships is sub-par, or he is expressing a wish to have something more meaningful than that with you." Yagami-san peered at his son. "Now, which do you think it might be? And I expect a non-evasive answer this time."
Great, now L has made his father even more paranoid. "Ryuuzaki has been observing me at school, as you know," he began. His father nodded. "It is likely he sees my acquaintanceships and views them as farces of friendship... not realizing that true friendships are not so common. So, I would say that both interpretations are partially accurate."
"And what if Ryuuzaki is looking for something a little closer than friendship?" Yagami-san pressed.
"I hope you're not implying-"
"I am."
Shit. What had gotten into his father these days that he should have to constantly defend against inquisitions such as these?? "Then how is it he would be jealous that I'm dating Misa? It's preposterous."
"Unless, he wasn't jealous of you, but of Misa. It isn't a large leap of logic to assume someone of his intellect would need more than a pretty face to become truly interested in someone."
Stop figuring things out! Light tried to stay calm. He did not like being on the receiving end of his inherited intelligence's powers of deduction. If he had ever doubted, which he hadn't, his brains were bestowed as a gift from his father's side. He cursed that now. It would be much easier if it were his mother instead - she wasn't running around loose to throw him into evaluations like this at any moment.
"Are you saying that Misa is mentally lacking?" he said with an edge to his voice, seeing an opportunity to take the offensive. "That she is too stupid for Ryuuzaki to like? And what does that say for your assessment of my taste, I wonder?" God, he really wanted to say that anyone too stupid for L was too stupid for him, but his father was, as of yet, largely unaware of how closely matched their intellects truly were.Â
"Light, that's not-"
"I'm going home," he announced, a faint scowl on his face. Not enough to be disrespectful, but enough to convey his displeasure. He needed to get out of here before his father tried to elaborate further. Because that would go nowhere good.
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In the hallway, Light paused to consider. His father would likely not be home for hours - which afforded him some leeway.
Maybe he could find L after all.
---
TBC
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A/N:
The chapter title is a snatch of lyrics from the song "If you tolerate this.." by David Usher on the Hallucinations album
((The previous chapter's title, if you caught that, lived in an 80s song. But 'weekends are made for fun' is also a saying, so no song credit.))
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Thank you, reviewers!
I love you and promise to give massive hugs then stalk you (and then set up under your bed to write death note porn. xD). Or perhaps I should just hand out cookies? Oh, decisions... porn or cookies...