Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ A Balm for Social Failure ❯ The Ties That Bind ( Chapter 12 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
A Balm for Social Failure
(Chapter 12: The Ties That Bind)
Light x L
L begins to suspect something is missing from his life. He believes the key to be in social interaction - his weak point. At the appearance of the enigma named Light Yagami, he is challenged to rise to the occasion.
Disclaimer: see ch. 1 for full disclaimer
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Chapter 12:
Light was getting bored.
The cameras restricted his actions as Kira, and the Investigation was refraining from any further action.
Nothing was happening.
It had been weeks now. He went to school, he studied, he ate and drank, he breathed. It was annoyingly similar to what it had been like before - before he'd picked up the Death Note. Before he'd had power and diversions and an ideal to create in flesh and blood. Forging a perfect world through the bottom up, redefining the meaning of every living thing's existence, purging those who did not yield to his absolute law... he missed it. It gave him such purpose. A reason to get up in the morning. Something to strive for...
But right now he had nothing to look forward to but house arrest and a difficult to explain penchant for apples. Understandably, his mother was becoming worried that 3 or 4 apples went missing every day. He'd blame some of it on Sayu if he could, but his little sister hated apples. Historically, he wasn't too fond of them himself. He didn't dislike them, but he rarely sought them out.
Damn Shinigami. With his inability to act as Kira, everything about the death god seemed to irk him unbearably. A constant reminder of his inability to preform his duty.
And then there was L.
L must be trying to break him through an excessively dull and tedious existence. It was cruel! Light's father had even taken away his use of the internet, convinced that he would use it to contact L, despite Light's protests that he needed it for school.
Light was very nearly depressed.
Nothing but school and uselessness day in and day out.
If he could contact L so easily, it would be to kill him. I could strangle you for doing this to me, he thought viciously.
He could see L's smug little smile in his head, and he hated it. And he hated that the rage he felt was not wholly directed at the detective. It was directed at himself as well. He missed L.
At least while he was a part of the task force, he'd been able to feel alive, even if his hands were tied for being Kira then too. And what of L's admission that one night? Did he change his mind again and decide that Kira's work was without merit? That it was worth any means to capture him, even if he made Light go insane in the process?
He was angry at his father as well. For the confinement to the house was his idea, as were other restrictions. The bulk of them. No internet, no phone, no freedom, no investigation... no L.
Whereas L had only imposed the cameras. Nothing more or less than he'd always done. Was his anger at L misplaced then? Perhaps. Yet it remained. And his boredom and restlessness increased by the day. If L is so great, he should either prove I'm Kira or get me out of this godforsaken situation.
Do you hear me, L?
---
"Come again?" Yagami-san said incredulously. He stared at the detective in open mouthed shock.
"I said I'm BORED, Yagami-san. Surely that is not too difficult a concept to grasp?"
"That was not the part I was referring to, Ryuuzaki."
L looked nonplussed as he worked his way through a large slab of Belgian chocolate cake. "What then?" he asked with his mouth full. He was starting to enjoy throwing the police chief off with little displays of uncouth behavior. It seemed the only way to secure an upper hand with the man, so if he had to be vulgar, so be it.
"You said you have put an end to the surveillance because you were bored."
"Present tense, Yagami-san. I am still quite dreadfully bored."
"Are you saying you have cleared the suspects of -"
"Not at all. I'm simply bored, and see no need to continue such a tedious course when it is not producing the sort of results I was hoping for." Indeed, he was no closer to proving or disproving that Light was Kira, nor had he ascertained any further the nature of their new game. And there was the fact that he was almost going out of his mind with boredom. As was Light, if his near foaming at the mouth was any indication. He was slipping up a bit with his family as well, being rather sharp tongued, and not as smooth as was his usual. He also tended to glare a lot, and was less than secretive about it. Though he was holding up better than L would have under the same restrictions.
Plus, he was sick of the distance Yagami-san had imposed on them. That was his first reason for the surveillance. To put Yagami-san in his place, and to afford himself access to Light without enduring school. True, being able to watch Light had it's advantages, but watching him slowly go crazy being locked up in his own house was affecting L's state of mind as well.
"Ryuuzaki, you do realize how utterly ridiculous it is of you to insist on surveillance like you have only to cease because you don't feel like doing it any longer? And not because you feel the suspects are innocent?"
L blinked apathetically at him. "I did not say I would quit the surveillance. I merely said the cameras were no longer of assistance. I plan to continue in a different fashion."
L leaned over and pressed an intercom button on the console next to his computer. "Watari, bring him in."
"Very well, sir."
"What're you..." the police chief said in confusion.
"Shhh, Yagami-san," L said with a poised fork. "All will become clear in time. For now, I must finish my cake."
5 minutes later, the hotel room door clicked and Watari came through, holding it for the person behind him. Oh, but it was an interesting sight.
"Ryuuzaki!" Yagami-san was beside himself. "Is that-!?"
"Light-kun, welcome," L said to the handcuffed and hooded figure of the younger Yagami. He was barefoot and dressed in the simple black cotton pants and long sleeved shirt that L had provided. His hands were cuffed behind his back and his head, hidden entirely by the hood, was bowed. His shoulders looked tight with rage as Watari bid him to kneel.
"I demand an explanation for this!" Yagami senior shouted at no one in particular. He glared at Watari, obviously expecting help from that quarter, but the older man would definately make no move to disobey L again so soon.
He stormed over to his son, and when Watari made no move to stop him, he whisked the hood from Light's head.
Yagami-san turned a funny shade of purple, and spluttered.
L felt a tiny smirk curl up one corner of his mouth. Light was both gagged and blindfolded. It was a good look for him. L got up and shuffled over to the small group and said seriously, "You understand why you are here, Light-kun? That you are still the prime suspect in this case?" There was a hesitation and a light nod. L could practically feel Light's mind working at full speed beneath all his simple yet efficient black bindings. The dark cloth accented his smooth and flawless complexion, and the whole scene had a rather pleasing quality to it. L could feel the thrum of exhilaration in the air. Their battle had begun, L had the upper hand, and Light was chaffing to turn this around.
L stroked a hand over the boy's silken hair, quite taken by the feeling of power this situation gave him. Light was beautiful in black.
"RYUUZAKI!" Yagami-san shouted, lunging for L.
Oops. L dodged, and threw all the imperiousness he had at his disposal into his tone. "YAGAMI-SAN."
The police chief paused, though likely not for long.
"You want explanations, and those you will have if you will afford me a moment. And I would advise you against taking physical action against me. I do not wish to hurt you, but I will protect myself." L paused. "If you cannot control yourself, you will be escorted out of the building."
Yagami-san struggled with himself, fists unclenching with effort. "I'm fine," he ground out.
Apparently the sight of his son bound and on his knees was more than the older man could bear. It was almost more than L could bear as well, for other reasons entirely.
L moved to stand by Light once more, playing the power card as long as possible, and re-placed his hand upon the luxurious light brown hair. He could feel Light tense just before his father snarled, "Don't touch him."
L met his eyes coolly. "I am merely offering comfort, Yagami-san. This is certainly an unusual situation, and I wouldn't want Yagami-kun to feel he was in imminent peril." The ultimate goal had nothing to do with the police chief, but L had had it with the constant suspicion and glares, and he would use this situation to that end as well. His hand stroked Light's hair softly. "Is this not how it is done, Yagami-san?" he asked the police chief. He mocked the man's assumption that he was completely socially inept and emotionless, and in turn, Yagami didn't have much room to stop him from getting away with a lot.
L's hand curved down the side of Light's face in a caress, "You understand why this is necessary?" Again, Light hesitated. Thinking of the response that would gain him the most.
"You could offer assurances just as easily by voice alone," Light's father said stiffly. "He may not be able to see, but he can still hear you."
"True enough, although I do not have a very comforting voice. I hardly think that would be effective." L stroked Light's cheek as if he were doing it absently. Light averted his head, which nearly put his face against L's thigh.
Yagami-san twitched, and said, "It isn't normal for boys to touch other boys like that! Especially not you."
L narrowed his eyes. "Forgive me for making an effort to act human, Yagami-san. I will try to remember the effort is not appreciated." The elder Yagami looked slightly admonished. "As such, I will cut to the chase," L said, making all inflection and cadence drop from his voice. Empty voice, empty eyes. "I am placing Light under direct surveillance. We have prepared a cell, where we will be keeping him indefinitely. Once inside, we will allow him his sight and speech."
Anger quailed under the weight of worry. Yagami-san was pleading as he shook his head in disbelief. "But that's- That's so cruel... And to what purpose? What will this tell you that the other surveillance did not?"
"Nothing."
Yagami-san gaped at him, and righteous anger began spilling back into his expression.
"Or not necessarily nothing," L amended. "Let me explain." He began to pace. "You see, if Light were in total confinement, we would eliminate those gaps left by his attending school, and his travels back and forth. The Kira killings have not ceased or even let up as of yet even with restricting Light to the degree we already had. Therefore, we must take away all opportunity for him to act as Kira in order to prove whether he is Kira. If the killings stop, we'll have our proof."
"And if they do not?" Yagami-san asked anxiously.
"Then we have nothing. And I will have to decide what to do at that point in time."
"Ryuuzaki... please. There must be another way. I know how hard even the last several weeks have been on Light..." Yagami-san looked aggrieved. "I want to prove Light's innocence more than anyone, but this is too much! He might not be able to withstand it."
"Humans are surprisingly resilient, Yagami-san," L said coldly. "And Light is no different."
"Watari," the police chief appealed, "Surely-"
"Yagami-SAN," L interrupted harshly. "You will not address Watari for anything further. He works for me, and I will not be undermined again. My decisions are absolute."
The wind had gone out of the black-haired man's sails. He stared desolately at his son.
L hauled Light to his feet. "It's time," he said. "We've lingered long enough." Light's teeth clenched tightly down on the gag, his whole body tense. He wasn't fighting, but he seemed to be fighting himself not to. L herded him towards the door.
"Ryuuzaki, Please! There must be another way!"
L paused in thought a moment then shook his head. "I'm sorry, Yagami-san. I cannot think of a way that would not put me in direct contact with your son." They had nearly passed through the doorway before Yagami-san called out, "Wait!"
"Yes?" L said impatiently.
"What else would you have in mind?"
L sighed in irritation. "Oh, I suppose I could handcuff him to me or something equally tedious, but-"
"Ok."
L shot him an incredulous look. "Ok? But you're the one who was so adamant about-"
"I know!" Yagami-san snapped, then the emotion flooded out of him, making him look defeated. "I just want what is best for my son. And I can't let some rule of mine make him suffer indefinitely."
L looked dubiously at the older man. "As you wish." He turned to Watari. "Keys?"
Watari produced the keys to the cuffs. L palmed them but took the time to remove Light's gag and blindfold before closing the ring of metal about his right hand.
"I completely and utterly despise you," Light croaked out as soon as he was able. He glared at L, but there was something lingering in that gaze that did not entirely match the anger.
L shrugged at him, unconcerned. In Light's position, he would be pissed at himself, too. But this could be cleared up in the conversation they'd be having later. "Yagami-san, I trust you could obtain a set of cuffs more suitable to this application," L said while holding their closely bound hands aloft. Normal cuffs would make any number of things difficult. Most noticeably, bathroom use. That far outweighed any of the interesting things the close proximity could afford.
"Y-yes, of course. I will make a call and we'll have them within the hour."
"Excellent. I think a length of at least 4 feet would be acceptable. Until then..." L turned to Light. "Would you care for a game of chess, Yagami-kun?"
---
It was hours later when they were finally alone for their little conversation.
Watari went down to the lounge to have a smoke and avoid the catfight he suspected was coming.
L knew it was coming, too. They sat at the small wooden dinette table that served as an eating area in the suite and stared each other down until Watari's steps had surely carried him out of ear shot.
Light went first.
He jumped up, slamming the table as he saw the self-satisfied smile that touched the corner of L's mouth. L couldn't help it. His plan had worked beautifully. Everything, just as he'd wanted it. It had almost been too easy. The only downside would be -
"I can't believe you were going to put me in solitary confinement!" Light yelled at him.
Yes, the only drawback is that Light didn't know...
Light grabbed L by the front of the shirt and shook him. "What did I do to deserve that? It's just amazing my father spoke up against it or - or - What the hell is wrong with you?"
L collapsed on the table in a fit of silent laughter. He couldn't talk, so he just shook his head. Light did righteous indignation like no other. But he'd definitely gotten it from his father. Oh, so sweet was the taste of victory. Yagami-san had had to eat his anger and plead with L to do the very thing L had wanted in the first place. Now that he and Light were cuffed together for the interim, they would resolve this, one way or another.
L was surprised from his bubble of mirth as he heard a growl and his chair, with him in it, toppled violently to the ground. "You hit me!" L said indignantly, rubbing his jaw with his free hand as he looked up at Light.
"And I'll do it again! You completely earned it." L leapt on top of him and cocked back a fist.
Imminent danger kept L from reacting to the brunette straddling his hips. Ok, so maybe he deserved a punch. One. He restrained the flight of Light's fist. Damn he was strong. "Aren't you concerned that I will think you are Kira since you are attacking me?"
Light laughed sharply. "You already think that! What's the difference?"
"Well, I am not entirely certain," L conceded as he tried to still the steady advancement of Light's clenched hand. Light had a bit of an advantage in upper body strength.
"'Not entirely'... should we bother to count 5 percent?"
"2," L corrected through clenched teeth. He was about to lose - damnit. His hand was pinned.
Light's face hovered over his triumphantly. "I bet you got a real kick out of seeing me like that. Gagged. Bound. Didn't you?"
"Why would I?" L cursed as he felt his face flush slightly. The memory of that lovely image coupled with having the brunette practically on top of him was hard not to react to. He prayed the blush would be the most he'd have to worry about.
"Because you get off on power," Light said against his lips. "Just like I do."
That distracted L enough that Light had time to bring the chain across his throat. Cold!
"l could choke you right here," Light said engagingly.
"You could," L agreed, "but having a strangle victim attached to your arm might not do much for your reputation."
"Hmm." Light leaned down and drew his lips against L's. "You don't think it would be worth it?"
"Not for me." Damn it, Light, don't kiss me when you're sitting right on my lap! Oh, this was sad. Hormones were winning out over fear of choking by chain. "Besides, remember who got you out of your house arrest."
"Are you saying you planned this?"
"In a manner of speaking."
Light reared back and started laughing, his shoulders heaved with it, and one of his hands came up to half cover his face. "You're a bastard."
"Thank you?"
"What if my father hadn't stopped you?" Light's golden eyes were staring deeply into his, challenging him, but his voice was not all that sharp.
"I suppose I would have been watching you constantly for days on end until I figured out a plausible reason to have you released?"
"Hn."
"Well, I would have felt bad about it!" L said defensively. "Now let me up."
"Why? You're obviously enjoying this position."
L scowled as his face turned red and he pushed the laughing brunette of of him. "Don't forget, if I find any proof that you are Kira, I will turn you in."
Light sighed. "You don't have to get so cranky." Light got to his feet and held out a hand. L considered batting it away, but thought better of it. He didn't want to fight, and stinging Light's pride was always a surefire way to do that.
Light stretched and said, "At least I won't be bored anymore."
"Though you might not be getting much sleep, being chained to me."
"Oh?" Light rounded on him with a sly smile.
"That - that was not what I meant!"
"If you say so." Light was moving toward him.
"I'm an insomniac!"
"Mmmn."
"Ligh -" Oh GOD, he'd missed the kissing, he thought hazily. His entire body flushed hot the moment he felt that gently probing tongue slide past his lips. His chest hurt and his knees felt weak, and he really, really hoped that he was right and this wouldn't end in a victory for Kira. But if it did, maybe it wouldn't be a total loss.
Cool fingertips crept under L's shirt and stroked the curve of his hip. Treacherous how readily his body was reacting to such simple things.
"Did you miss me, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked in a husky voice between kisses. "I missed you." Only the way he said it, it sounded like something much less innocent.
"Mm-" L managed to get out. Light seemed set on bending his mind to incoherence.
"I thought about you a lot..." Light whispered in his ear. "And I only thought of killing you once."
"Once is all it takes."
"Did you have fun watching me all these weeks, L?"
L blinked his eyes open. Light never called him L... Honeyed eyes regarded him with intensity. Light's lips were curved in a sensual smirk.
"You do have quite the interesting bathroom rituals. Do you always do a striptease before you bathe or was that special just for me?"
Light chuckled. "That would be telling."
"You aren't acting very grateful to me for saving you from your father, Light-kun."
"Why can't you just call me Light?"
"Why did you call me L?"
"I know it's closer to your real name than Ryuuzaki. I refer to you as L in my head. I must've slipped."
L doubted it. Light almost never slipped up like that, and he certainly wouldn't have admitted as much. "Talk to me often, do you?"
Light gave him a sly smile. "You can't imagine."
L kept getting the feeling Light was dropping hints that he was Kira. But what that ultimately meant? He was still at a loss. And he was starting to become more aware of the way Light had him cornered against the wall, and a surge of insecurity was beginning to form like leaden ice in the pit of his stomach. He ducked under Light's arm, and the rattling of the chain reminded him that the distance he could get from the other boy was now severely limited. "I'm hungry," he said to cover, not looking at Light. "Let's go get something."
He tugged at the chain, which remained immobile until he met the other boy's amber gaze. There was precious little emotion on that face. It was almost as blank as one of L's. "Very well, if that's what you wish of me."
L felt like needles were stabbing in his back the entire time Light was behind him as he gathered his shoes and socks.
In fact, he felt them all the way down the hall, during the ride in the elevator, and throughout the trek to the restaurant. It was making his stomach churn. To make matters worse, Light was purposely trailing behind him, allowing the chain to extend for maximum visibility. The staring was becoming more and more difficult to deal with. L's strides stiffened as the random people contemplated the set of them: an attractive, preppy boy, and a dark, wild-haired insomniac. They'd probably never seen extended cuffs before either.
L stopped walking a moment and turned to Light. "Must you walk so far behind me? You're making this-" he rattled the cuff by holding up his wrist and shaking it a little "-so much more obvious."
Light looked at him, openly showing his displeasure with L on the whole. His face looked blank, but tight, but his eyes were glowing with something along the lines of anger or irritation. L couldn't quite place the magnitude of it, but it was highly unpleasant.
After Light made his point, his face changed, emotion flooding in and a fake smile brimming on his face. L had seen this plenty as he'd watched Light playacting with his family. Now it was being done vindictively and they both knew it. "Why, Ryuuzaki, I would never want to do anything to displease you..." L frowned at him. Even knowing it was a bald-faced lie, the performance was too expertly done. Light's eyes shone with a golden glow, accented by sincerity. It was the sort of face L had always wanted to see him make - but truthfully. He felt a little sick.
"I'm afraid handcuffs will be rather obvious in any case," Light continued apologetically. He stepped forward, bringing his faux expression forth for even closer inspection. L cringed. It was perfect. Flawless. An utter mockery. "Perhaps you should consider forgoing them in public, at the least."
"You know I cannot do that, Yagami-kun," L said evenly, trying to remain fixed and deadpan. The more Light smiled like that, the more L wanted away from him. This mood was something he'd not quite encountered with Light before and he did not know what to do with it.
"Very well, though you are the one bothered by the attention, not I," Light returned casually, a smug smile and challenging eyes filtering through the mask.
L clenched a fist until his nails dug into his palm.
Light had never gone so far as to call out the distinction in their social backgrounds. Never. All at once he was reminded of the multitude of admiring and lustful looks the other boy was clothed in every moment he was around people as he was at school. They swarmed around him like ants to honey, an effective barrier to anyone on the outskirts like L. They were an entourage to his royal highness, and he had no wish to try and access Light while he was holding court. He'd wanted him alone and real. He'd wanted pretenses to be unnecessary...
L spun on his heel and jerked the chain viciously, pulling a surprised Light off balance as he stalked towards the restaurant with clipped angry strides. He held the chain in his hand, and dragged the other boy along like he was a reluctant pet. The stares intensified, but L didn't care. He also wasn't hungry any more and wanted to be away from everything and everyone, especially Light. But as he'd realized before, there would be no escaping.
He did not relish a simple retreat to the room, because then he might have to talk and that was the last thing he felt like doing at the moment. It was likely that Light would go so far as to taunt him again, and L knew he'd have issue holding back from a real fight. He hated, HATED when Light got smug and condescending like this. He tried to quell the surge of violence he felt. Dismayed anger. God, he couldn't even get pissed off properly.
Much easier would be the awkward silence they were bound to endure at the restaurant. At least L could get some coffee or something to soothe the jumpy irritation and feelings of inadequacy Light had been able to instill with so little effort.
---
"You're in a bad mood," Light questioned carefully.
L ignored him in favor of sweetening the third cup of coffee he'd made Light sit through. When he'd finished, he dumped in the fresh creamer and asked flatly, "What makes you say that, Yagami-kun?"
It was too obvious for Light to bother with, so he said instead, "I thought you were hungry?"
"I'd changed my mind. Would it make you feel better if I ate?" L asked drolly.
Light crossed his arms, pursed his lips and said nothing.
When the waitress came by again, Light caught her eye and ordered something, speaking low enough that L couldn't quite hear him. L watched him through his lashes, and wondered why Light was acting more reserved than usual. Even his seemingly mandatory flirtation with the waitress was subdued.
They had passed several minutes of empty silence.
"This is going to be a long imprisonment," Light said under his breath.
L gave him a pallid glare. "More so for me, I assure you. It would have been so much easier to keep you in a cell instead of compromising my own freedom."
"And yet you didn't. May I have the reason, if it galls you so much to withstand my presence?"
L frowned and stared vacantly at his half poised cup. What could he say to that? 'I may sort of have a thing for you, but sometimes you act like a real asshole?' "It seemed a good idea at the time."
"What changed?"
L was saved from answering by the return of the waitress. She placed a glass tumbler full of amber liquid in front of Light, the ice clinked against its sides. If L had to guess, he would say it was whiskey. When the waitress left, Light took a sip and L said annoyingly, "Are you even old enough to be drinking that?"
The glare that Light leveled at him as the glass came back down was a good one.
L shrugged, secretly pleased he was able to get under Light's skin. "I'm just saying, Your father won't be very happy if he discovers his precious, infallible, and impressionable son is drinking - and I'm not taking the fall for anything this time."
"I told you, I had no choice in what I told him that time."
So blasé about saying I practically had you against your will.... And your father has been a royal pain in the ass for me to deal with since then. "There's always a choice."
Light rested his head on his hand and met L's eyes without pretense. "I'm sorry."
L blinked, feeling on guard. "For what, exactly?"
"A number of things. But right now, for making you endure my father which I'm sure was unpleasant at best. Especially since he was blaming you for something I did."
L frowned and stirred the coffee in his cup slowly. He had never expected an apology, and he wasn't quite sure what to do with it.
"And," Light continued, "I realize how difficult it would have been to have that thrown in your face when you were against it to begin with. Especially when it was your first experience."
Bad time for a sip of coffee.
L choked and started coughing. What the hell was he doing saying all of that here?? Though Light wasn't being patronizing at the moment, it was just not something that was easy to hear. "Who says it was my only experience?" L was not fond of the turn this was taking. It was way too personal.
"You pretty much told me before. I asked if you were always in such a bad mood after sex, and you said, 'I wouldn't know' in a rather nasty fashion as you threatened me with your shoe."
L put a hand over his face and slouched deeper into the booth. He'd forgotten he'd said that.
Light sipped at his drink. "So, it takes embarrassment for you to talk to me again?"
"I've been talking to you this whole time."
"You've responded, but you have been closed off the entire time, until now."
Oh, you know me SO well, do you? "Can we not talk about this here?"
"If not here, then where? You'll simply avoid the issue if given the chance."
"And what all-encompassing issue might that be?" L said testily. He did not like this shift at all. They were falling back to their old patterns and L did not like feeling hounded. He was also still upset with Light, and Light was trying to brush everything aside. And it was hard not to let him.
Light was locked onto him like a predator on its prey. "That I want you, and you want me, and yet you seem to revel in making things difficult."
L's face flushed. Talk about being forward. "I told you we are not discussing this here."
"Why did you brush me off earlier?" Light's jaw was set. It looked like it was difficult to even voice the question. Which it probably was, due to his pride. I was amazing that his pride even permitted him to hint at the source of his discontent, much less come out and say it so matter-of-factly.
"I don't trust you." L decided to be equally honest.
"That didn't stop you last time."
"I had no options last time."
Light scoffed. "And you have them now?"
"As far as I am aware, yes."
"Why don't you trust me?"
How did Light manage to sound sincere and vaguely hurt? It wasn't so hard to see the well-defined basis of L's mistrust. "You aren't a very trustworthy person."
"I've always been honest with you."
It was L's turn to scoff. "It does appear that way, and yet why should I believe that I alone am above your deceptions?"
"You're different."
"So you've said. But you must realize how insubstantial that is against all the evidence I have of your lies and manipulations."
Light made a noise of irritation, and downed the last of his drink. "You are not making this easy."
"Why should I? Everyone else lets you get away with far too much."
"I'm sorry about the wait," the waitress said, coasting up to the table with a heavy tray. She sat her burden on the edge and unloaded a small, iron sukiyaki pot and placed it upon it an electric heater that would keep the dish warm for some time. She also placed a dish of white rice before both of them and laid a pair of chopsticks with tiny ceramic chopstick rests beside that.
L gave Light an inquiring look which Light chose to not notice. Obviously the brunette had decided to feed the both of them.
The waitress filled L's coffee cup, and placed a new tumbler of Light's chosen drink before him. He thanked her and she was on her way with a smile.
"Feeling hungry, Yagami-kun?" L said, making no move towards the food. Although it was a lie before when he'd said he was hungry back in the room, smelling the dish in front of him was making him feel quite famished.
"Not particularly," he said and sipped his drink.
"This is an awful lot of food for two people who do not care to eat."
"Indeed."
The pot burbled happily. The simmering strips of beef and vegetables smelled fantastic. "I did say I was not hungry, if you'll recall."
"I also recall food being the reason for our trip here."
"Coffee will suffice."
"I suppose being hungry really was just an excuse then," Light said loftily, swirling the ice and liquor in his glass with a practiced motion. "It's a shame really." He picked up the chopsticks with his other hand and plucked a lean piece of succulent beef from the savory broth. "You're dishonest enough for the both of us."
L watched him eat the piece of meat and realized his thoughts were tangled on both food and desire.
It was difficult to hold onto anger and indignation while Light was in a teasing mood, engaging him on levels that required an abandonment of insecurities and other inconsequential feelings. No, he never really doubted their connection when Light was focused on him... it was only when he looked away. Or when L was given too much time to think. Or, when Light was deciding to be ornery.
"Stop thinking so much and eat," Light commanded. L was galled that his hand twitched towards his chopsticks in response.
Light plucked another piece of beef from the pot, allowed it to cool, and leaned over the table to bring it to L's lips. "I won't let you drag me out here again when your obstinance fades and hunger is clawing at your belly."
L gave Light a baleful look and accepted the food. Speaking of obstinance, he knew the brunette would sit there all night waiting for him to comply.
"Is there any reason you left me the use of my primary hand while you cuffed yours?" Light asked, watching his face with a vaguely pleased expression.
L chose a piece of daikon from the pot. "I was trying to be accommodating, I suppose. I am nearly ambidextrous myself." Indeed, he was using his left hand so that he wasn't flashing their handcuffs to the world. Light was mostly doing the same.
"So thoughtful, L, and no one would even suspect you of it."
"Yes, their perceptions of me are rather skewed. I've been wondering lately if I should try harder to meet their expectations."
"Why bother? They are unimportant." Light smiled then. "Besides, I find it intriguing that the staid detective L has a heart."
"Just as I find it interesting to discover your lack of one, despite appearances." L winced to himself. Light would likely blow up at that. But it was hard not to make digs when Light was throwing them out first.
Light merely smiled serenely. "If you watched me nearly as closely as you've let on, you should know when I am being sincere and when I am not. Perhaps it is your own fears that cloud your sight?"
"Perhaps. Though I do find it prudent to heed one's paranoia over death when such is a likely result of any mistakes made."
"At least it is not boring."
"No. Never that," L agreed.
---
Light had finally regained his equilibrium after being put off by L's lame excuse of being hungry. He'd been thoroughly displeased - L had been reacting to him in the most delightful ways, and yet he still had a mind to end things abruptly. Light would have thought that being handcuffed together would have made this ridiculously easy, but it merely presented problems of a different sort.
L was wary. More than usual. And that made it difficult to get close.
Especially when he was angry.
Light knew the comment that had gotten to him... and he could admit it was a poor choice, even though he'd been annoyed at L at the time. But slowly, he had worn down the walls that L had thrown up, worked his way in past the frigid exterior and through to the L that couldn't help but react to him. It had taken some doing, but he was now quite convinced that he would have another opportunity with the dark-haired detective if he only bided his time.
In some ways it was amazing they had gotten this far. It was true that they connected unbelievably well, but they were both possessed of a substantial amount of pride and a suspicious, bordering on paranoid, nature. In order to get close, they both had to make concessions.
Light tried to give up his secretiveness, to the fullest extent he could without getting instantly incarcerated, and L tried to find it in himself to believe him.
It was like negotiating while in free fall.
The merest change in atmosphere could change the balance and tip the outcome.
Tonight.
Tonight he would try again.
That L had gone so far as to have them be handcuffed together meant something. For L rarely did things he didn't want to do, and he always thought things through down to the tiniest detail. He must have known the sorts of situations that might arise. But it would be up to Light to initiate, and in such a manner that L could find it acceptable. L was still shy and still struggling with the ethics of it all.
Light was beyond simple ethics. He knew what he wanted.
L, despite being an adversary, was the most suitable match for him.
---
TBC
(Chapter 12: The Ties That Bind)
Light x L
L begins to suspect something is missing from his life. He believes the key to be in social interaction - his weak point. At the appearance of the enigma named Light Yagami, he is challenged to rise to the occasion.
Disclaimer: see ch. 1 for full disclaimer
_______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________
Chapter 12:
Light was getting bored.
The cameras restricted his actions as Kira, and the Investigation was refraining from any further action.
Nothing was happening.
It had been weeks now. He went to school, he studied, he ate and drank, he breathed. It was annoyingly similar to what it had been like before - before he'd picked up the Death Note. Before he'd had power and diversions and an ideal to create in flesh and blood. Forging a perfect world through the bottom up, redefining the meaning of every living thing's existence, purging those who did not yield to his absolute law... he missed it. It gave him such purpose. A reason to get up in the morning. Something to strive for...
But right now he had nothing to look forward to but house arrest and a difficult to explain penchant for apples. Understandably, his mother was becoming worried that 3 or 4 apples went missing every day. He'd blame some of it on Sayu if he could, but his little sister hated apples. Historically, he wasn't too fond of them himself. He didn't dislike them, but he rarely sought them out.
Damn Shinigami. With his inability to act as Kira, everything about the death god seemed to irk him unbearably. A constant reminder of his inability to preform his duty.
And then there was L.
L must be trying to break him through an excessively dull and tedious existence. It was cruel! Light's father had even taken away his use of the internet, convinced that he would use it to contact L, despite Light's protests that he needed it for school.
Light was very nearly depressed.
Nothing but school and uselessness day in and day out.
If he could contact L so easily, it would be to kill him. I could strangle you for doing this to me, he thought viciously.
He could see L's smug little smile in his head, and he hated it. And he hated that the rage he felt was not wholly directed at the detective. It was directed at himself as well. He missed L.
At least while he was a part of the task force, he'd been able to feel alive, even if his hands were tied for being Kira then too. And what of L's admission that one night? Did he change his mind again and decide that Kira's work was without merit? That it was worth any means to capture him, even if he made Light go insane in the process?
He was angry at his father as well. For the confinement to the house was his idea, as were other restrictions. The bulk of them. No internet, no phone, no freedom, no investigation... no L.
Whereas L had only imposed the cameras. Nothing more or less than he'd always done. Was his anger at L misplaced then? Perhaps. Yet it remained. And his boredom and restlessness increased by the day. If L is so great, he should either prove I'm Kira or get me out of this godforsaken situation.
Do you hear me, L?
---
"Come again?" Yagami-san said incredulously. He stared at the detective in open mouthed shock.
"I said I'm BORED, Yagami-san. Surely that is not too difficult a concept to grasp?"
"That was not the part I was referring to, Ryuuzaki."
L looked nonplussed as he worked his way through a large slab of Belgian chocolate cake. "What then?" he asked with his mouth full. He was starting to enjoy throwing the police chief off with little displays of uncouth behavior. It seemed the only way to secure an upper hand with the man, so if he had to be vulgar, so be it.
"You said you have put an end to the surveillance because you were bored."
"Present tense, Yagami-san. I am still quite dreadfully bored."
"Are you saying you have cleared the suspects of -"
"Not at all. I'm simply bored, and see no need to continue such a tedious course when it is not producing the sort of results I was hoping for." Indeed, he was no closer to proving or disproving that Light was Kira, nor had he ascertained any further the nature of their new game. And there was the fact that he was almost going out of his mind with boredom. As was Light, if his near foaming at the mouth was any indication. He was slipping up a bit with his family as well, being rather sharp tongued, and not as smooth as was his usual. He also tended to glare a lot, and was less than secretive about it. Though he was holding up better than L would have under the same restrictions.
Plus, he was sick of the distance Yagami-san had imposed on them. That was his first reason for the surveillance. To put Yagami-san in his place, and to afford himself access to Light without enduring school. True, being able to watch Light had it's advantages, but watching him slowly go crazy being locked up in his own house was affecting L's state of mind as well.
"Ryuuzaki, you do realize how utterly ridiculous it is of you to insist on surveillance like you have only to cease because you don't feel like doing it any longer? And not because you feel the suspects are innocent?"
L blinked apathetically at him. "I did not say I would quit the surveillance. I merely said the cameras were no longer of assistance. I plan to continue in a different fashion."
L leaned over and pressed an intercom button on the console next to his computer. "Watari, bring him in."
"Very well, sir."
"What're you..." the police chief said in confusion.
"Shhh, Yagami-san," L said with a poised fork. "All will become clear in time. For now, I must finish my cake."
5 minutes later, the hotel room door clicked and Watari came through, holding it for the person behind him. Oh, but it was an interesting sight.
"Ryuuzaki!" Yagami-san was beside himself. "Is that-!?"
"Light-kun, welcome," L said to the handcuffed and hooded figure of the younger Yagami. He was barefoot and dressed in the simple black cotton pants and long sleeved shirt that L had provided. His hands were cuffed behind his back and his head, hidden entirely by the hood, was bowed. His shoulders looked tight with rage as Watari bid him to kneel.
"I demand an explanation for this!" Yagami senior shouted at no one in particular. He glared at Watari, obviously expecting help from that quarter, but the older man would definately make no move to disobey L again so soon.
He stormed over to his son, and when Watari made no move to stop him, he whisked the hood from Light's head.
Yagami-san turned a funny shade of purple, and spluttered.
L felt a tiny smirk curl up one corner of his mouth. Light was both gagged and blindfolded. It was a good look for him. L got up and shuffled over to the small group and said seriously, "You understand why you are here, Light-kun? That you are still the prime suspect in this case?" There was a hesitation and a light nod. L could practically feel Light's mind working at full speed beneath all his simple yet efficient black bindings. The dark cloth accented his smooth and flawless complexion, and the whole scene had a rather pleasing quality to it. L could feel the thrum of exhilaration in the air. Their battle had begun, L had the upper hand, and Light was chaffing to turn this around.
L stroked a hand over the boy's silken hair, quite taken by the feeling of power this situation gave him. Light was beautiful in black.
"RYUUZAKI!" Yagami-san shouted, lunging for L.
Oops. L dodged, and threw all the imperiousness he had at his disposal into his tone. "YAGAMI-SAN."
The police chief paused, though likely not for long.
"You want explanations, and those you will have if you will afford me a moment. And I would advise you against taking physical action against me. I do not wish to hurt you, but I will protect myself." L paused. "If you cannot control yourself, you will be escorted out of the building."
Yagami-san struggled with himself, fists unclenching with effort. "I'm fine," he ground out.
Apparently the sight of his son bound and on his knees was more than the older man could bear. It was almost more than L could bear as well, for other reasons entirely.
L moved to stand by Light once more, playing the power card as long as possible, and re-placed his hand upon the luxurious light brown hair. He could feel Light tense just before his father snarled, "Don't touch him."
L met his eyes coolly. "I am merely offering comfort, Yagami-san. This is certainly an unusual situation, and I wouldn't want Yagami-kun to feel he was in imminent peril." The ultimate goal had nothing to do with the police chief, but L had had it with the constant suspicion and glares, and he would use this situation to that end as well. His hand stroked Light's hair softly. "Is this not how it is done, Yagami-san?" he asked the police chief. He mocked the man's assumption that he was completely socially inept and emotionless, and in turn, Yagami didn't have much room to stop him from getting away with a lot.
L's hand curved down the side of Light's face in a caress, "You understand why this is necessary?" Again, Light hesitated. Thinking of the response that would gain him the most.
"You could offer assurances just as easily by voice alone," Light's father said stiffly. "He may not be able to see, but he can still hear you."
"True enough, although I do not have a very comforting voice. I hardly think that would be effective." L stroked Light's cheek as if he were doing it absently. Light averted his head, which nearly put his face against L's thigh.
Yagami-san twitched, and said, "It isn't normal for boys to touch other boys like that! Especially not you."
L narrowed his eyes. "Forgive me for making an effort to act human, Yagami-san. I will try to remember the effort is not appreciated." The elder Yagami looked slightly admonished. "As such, I will cut to the chase," L said, making all inflection and cadence drop from his voice. Empty voice, empty eyes. "I am placing Light under direct surveillance. We have prepared a cell, where we will be keeping him indefinitely. Once inside, we will allow him his sight and speech."
Anger quailed under the weight of worry. Yagami-san was pleading as he shook his head in disbelief. "But that's- That's so cruel... And to what purpose? What will this tell you that the other surveillance did not?"
"Nothing."
Yagami-san gaped at him, and righteous anger began spilling back into his expression.
"Or not necessarily nothing," L amended. "Let me explain." He began to pace. "You see, if Light were in total confinement, we would eliminate those gaps left by his attending school, and his travels back and forth. The Kira killings have not ceased or even let up as of yet even with restricting Light to the degree we already had. Therefore, we must take away all opportunity for him to act as Kira in order to prove whether he is Kira. If the killings stop, we'll have our proof."
"And if they do not?" Yagami-san asked anxiously.
"Then we have nothing. And I will have to decide what to do at that point in time."
"Ryuuzaki... please. There must be another way. I know how hard even the last several weeks have been on Light..." Yagami-san looked aggrieved. "I want to prove Light's innocence more than anyone, but this is too much! He might not be able to withstand it."
"Humans are surprisingly resilient, Yagami-san," L said coldly. "And Light is no different."
"Watari," the police chief appealed, "Surely-"
"Yagami-SAN," L interrupted harshly. "You will not address Watari for anything further. He works for me, and I will not be undermined again. My decisions are absolute."
The wind had gone out of the black-haired man's sails. He stared desolately at his son.
L hauled Light to his feet. "It's time," he said. "We've lingered long enough." Light's teeth clenched tightly down on the gag, his whole body tense. He wasn't fighting, but he seemed to be fighting himself not to. L herded him towards the door.
"Ryuuzaki, Please! There must be another way!"
L paused in thought a moment then shook his head. "I'm sorry, Yagami-san. I cannot think of a way that would not put me in direct contact with your son." They had nearly passed through the doorway before Yagami-san called out, "Wait!"
"Yes?" L said impatiently.
"What else would you have in mind?"
L sighed in irritation. "Oh, I suppose I could handcuff him to me or something equally tedious, but-"
"Ok."
L shot him an incredulous look. "Ok? But you're the one who was so adamant about-"
"I know!" Yagami-san snapped, then the emotion flooded out of him, making him look defeated. "I just want what is best for my son. And I can't let some rule of mine make him suffer indefinitely."
L looked dubiously at the older man. "As you wish." He turned to Watari. "Keys?"
Watari produced the keys to the cuffs. L palmed them but took the time to remove Light's gag and blindfold before closing the ring of metal about his right hand.
"I completely and utterly despise you," Light croaked out as soon as he was able. He glared at L, but there was something lingering in that gaze that did not entirely match the anger.
L shrugged at him, unconcerned. In Light's position, he would be pissed at himself, too. But this could be cleared up in the conversation they'd be having later. "Yagami-san, I trust you could obtain a set of cuffs more suitable to this application," L said while holding their closely bound hands aloft. Normal cuffs would make any number of things difficult. Most noticeably, bathroom use. That far outweighed any of the interesting things the close proximity could afford.
"Y-yes, of course. I will make a call and we'll have them within the hour."
"Excellent. I think a length of at least 4 feet would be acceptable. Until then..." L turned to Light. "Would you care for a game of chess, Yagami-kun?"
---
It was hours later when they were finally alone for their little conversation.
Watari went down to the lounge to have a smoke and avoid the catfight he suspected was coming.
L knew it was coming, too. They sat at the small wooden dinette table that served as an eating area in the suite and stared each other down until Watari's steps had surely carried him out of ear shot.
Light went first.
He jumped up, slamming the table as he saw the self-satisfied smile that touched the corner of L's mouth. L couldn't help it. His plan had worked beautifully. Everything, just as he'd wanted it. It had almost been too easy. The only downside would be -
"I can't believe you were going to put me in solitary confinement!" Light yelled at him.
Yes, the only drawback is that Light didn't know...
Light grabbed L by the front of the shirt and shook him. "What did I do to deserve that? It's just amazing my father spoke up against it or - or - What the hell is wrong with you?"
L collapsed on the table in a fit of silent laughter. He couldn't talk, so he just shook his head. Light did righteous indignation like no other. But he'd definitely gotten it from his father. Oh, so sweet was the taste of victory. Yagami-san had had to eat his anger and plead with L to do the very thing L had wanted in the first place. Now that he and Light were cuffed together for the interim, they would resolve this, one way or another.
L was surprised from his bubble of mirth as he heard a growl and his chair, with him in it, toppled violently to the ground. "You hit me!" L said indignantly, rubbing his jaw with his free hand as he looked up at Light.
"And I'll do it again! You completely earned it." L leapt on top of him and cocked back a fist.
Imminent danger kept L from reacting to the brunette straddling his hips. Ok, so maybe he deserved a punch. One. He restrained the flight of Light's fist. Damn he was strong. "Aren't you concerned that I will think you are Kira since you are attacking me?"
Light laughed sharply. "You already think that! What's the difference?"
"Well, I am not entirely certain," L conceded as he tried to still the steady advancement of Light's clenched hand. Light had a bit of an advantage in upper body strength.
"'Not entirely'... should we bother to count 5 percent?"
"2," L corrected through clenched teeth. He was about to lose - damnit. His hand was pinned.
Light's face hovered over his triumphantly. "I bet you got a real kick out of seeing me like that. Gagged. Bound. Didn't you?"
"Why would I?" L cursed as he felt his face flush slightly. The memory of that lovely image coupled with having the brunette practically on top of him was hard not to react to. He prayed the blush would be the most he'd have to worry about.
"Because you get off on power," Light said against his lips. "Just like I do."
That distracted L enough that Light had time to bring the chain across his throat. Cold!
"l could choke you right here," Light said engagingly.
"You could," L agreed, "but having a strangle victim attached to your arm might not do much for your reputation."
"Hmm." Light leaned down and drew his lips against L's. "You don't think it would be worth it?"
"Not for me." Damn it, Light, don't kiss me when you're sitting right on my lap! Oh, this was sad. Hormones were winning out over fear of choking by chain. "Besides, remember who got you out of your house arrest."
"Are you saying you planned this?"
"In a manner of speaking."
Light reared back and started laughing, his shoulders heaved with it, and one of his hands came up to half cover his face. "You're a bastard."
"Thank you?"
"What if my father hadn't stopped you?" Light's golden eyes were staring deeply into his, challenging him, but his voice was not all that sharp.
"I suppose I would have been watching you constantly for days on end until I figured out a plausible reason to have you released?"
"Hn."
"Well, I would have felt bad about it!" L said defensively. "Now let me up."
"Why? You're obviously enjoying this position."
L scowled as his face turned red and he pushed the laughing brunette of of him. "Don't forget, if I find any proof that you are Kira, I will turn you in."
Light sighed. "You don't have to get so cranky." Light got to his feet and held out a hand. L considered batting it away, but thought better of it. He didn't want to fight, and stinging Light's pride was always a surefire way to do that.
Light stretched and said, "At least I won't be bored anymore."
"Though you might not be getting much sleep, being chained to me."
"Oh?" Light rounded on him with a sly smile.
"That - that was not what I meant!"
"If you say so." Light was moving toward him.
"I'm an insomniac!"
"Mmmn."
"Ligh -" Oh GOD, he'd missed the kissing, he thought hazily. His entire body flushed hot the moment he felt that gently probing tongue slide past his lips. His chest hurt and his knees felt weak, and he really, really hoped that he was right and this wouldn't end in a victory for Kira. But if it did, maybe it wouldn't be a total loss.
Cool fingertips crept under L's shirt and stroked the curve of his hip. Treacherous how readily his body was reacting to such simple things.
"Did you miss me, Ryuuzaki?" Light asked in a husky voice between kisses. "I missed you." Only the way he said it, it sounded like something much less innocent.
"Mm-" L managed to get out. Light seemed set on bending his mind to incoherence.
"I thought about you a lot..." Light whispered in his ear. "And I only thought of killing you once."
"Once is all it takes."
"Did you have fun watching me all these weeks, L?"
L blinked his eyes open. Light never called him L... Honeyed eyes regarded him with intensity. Light's lips were curved in a sensual smirk.
"You do have quite the interesting bathroom rituals. Do you always do a striptease before you bathe or was that special just for me?"
Light chuckled. "That would be telling."
"You aren't acting very grateful to me for saving you from your father, Light-kun."
"Why can't you just call me Light?"
"Why did you call me L?"
"I know it's closer to your real name than Ryuuzaki. I refer to you as L in my head. I must've slipped."
L doubted it. Light almost never slipped up like that, and he certainly wouldn't have admitted as much. "Talk to me often, do you?"
Light gave him a sly smile. "You can't imagine."
L kept getting the feeling Light was dropping hints that he was Kira. But what that ultimately meant? He was still at a loss. And he was starting to become more aware of the way Light had him cornered against the wall, and a surge of insecurity was beginning to form like leaden ice in the pit of his stomach. He ducked under Light's arm, and the rattling of the chain reminded him that the distance he could get from the other boy was now severely limited. "I'm hungry," he said to cover, not looking at Light. "Let's go get something."
He tugged at the chain, which remained immobile until he met the other boy's amber gaze. There was precious little emotion on that face. It was almost as blank as one of L's. "Very well, if that's what you wish of me."
L felt like needles were stabbing in his back the entire time Light was behind him as he gathered his shoes and socks.
In fact, he felt them all the way down the hall, during the ride in the elevator, and throughout the trek to the restaurant. It was making his stomach churn. To make matters worse, Light was purposely trailing behind him, allowing the chain to extend for maximum visibility. The staring was becoming more and more difficult to deal with. L's strides stiffened as the random people contemplated the set of them: an attractive, preppy boy, and a dark, wild-haired insomniac. They'd probably never seen extended cuffs before either.
L stopped walking a moment and turned to Light. "Must you walk so far behind me? You're making this-" he rattled the cuff by holding up his wrist and shaking it a little "-so much more obvious."
Light looked at him, openly showing his displeasure with L on the whole. His face looked blank, but tight, but his eyes were glowing with something along the lines of anger or irritation. L couldn't quite place the magnitude of it, but it was highly unpleasant.
After Light made his point, his face changed, emotion flooding in and a fake smile brimming on his face. L had seen this plenty as he'd watched Light playacting with his family. Now it was being done vindictively and they both knew it. "Why, Ryuuzaki, I would never want to do anything to displease you..." L frowned at him. Even knowing it was a bald-faced lie, the performance was too expertly done. Light's eyes shone with a golden glow, accented by sincerity. It was the sort of face L had always wanted to see him make - but truthfully. He felt a little sick.
"I'm afraid handcuffs will be rather obvious in any case," Light continued apologetically. He stepped forward, bringing his faux expression forth for even closer inspection. L cringed. It was perfect. Flawless. An utter mockery. "Perhaps you should consider forgoing them in public, at the least."
"You know I cannot do that, Yagami-kun," L said evenly, trying to remain fixed and deadpan. The more Light smiled like that, the more L wanted away from him. This mood was something he'd not quite encountered with Light before and he did not know what to do with it.
"Very well, though you are the one bothered by the attention, not I," Light returned casually, a smug smile and challenging eyes filtering through the mask.
L clenched a fist until his nails dug into his palm.
Light had never gone so far as to call out the distinction in their social backgrounds. Never. All at once he was reminded of the multitude of admiring and lustful looks the other boy was clothed in every moment he was around people as he was at school. They swarmed around him like ants to honey, an effective barrier to anyone on the outskirts like L. They were an entourage to his royal highness, and he had no wish to try and access Light while he was holding court. He'd wanted him alone and real. He'd wanted pretenses to be unnecessary...
L spun on his heel and jerked the chain viciously, pulling a surprised Light off balance as he stalked towards the restaurant with clipped angry strides. He held the chain in his hand, and dragged the other boy along like he was a reluctant pet. The stares intensified, but L didn't care. He also wasn't hungry any more and wanted to be away from everything and everyone, especially Light. But as he'd realized before, there would be no escaping.
He did not relish a simple retreat to the room, because then he might have to talk and that was the last thing he felt like doing at the moment. It was likely that Light would go so far as to taunt him again, and L knew he'd have issue holding back from a real fight. He hated, HATED when Light got smug and condescending like this. He tried to quell the surge of violence he felt. Dismayed anger. God, he couldn't even get pissed off properly.
Much easier would be the awkward silence they were bound to endure at the restaurant. At least L could get some coffee or something to soothe the jumpy irritation and feelings of inadequacy Light had been able to instill with so little effort.
---
"You're in a bad mood," Light questioned carefully.
L ignored him in favor of sweetening the third cup of coffee he'd made Light sit through. When he'd finished, he dumped in the fresh creamer and asked flatly, "What makes you say that, Yagami-kun?"
It was too obvious for Light to bother with, so he said instead, "I thought you were hungry?"
"I'd changed my mind. Would it make you feel better if I ate?" L asked drolly.
Light crossed his arms, pursed his lips and said nothing.
When the waitress came by again, Light caught her eye and ordered something, speaking low enough that L couldn't quite hear him. L watched him through his lashes, and wondered why Light was acting more reserved than usual. Even his seemingly mandatory flirtation with the waitress was subdued.
They had passed several minutes of empty silence.
"This is going to be a long imprisonment," Light said under his breath.
L gave him a pallid glare. "More so for me, I assure you. It would have been so much easier to keep you in a cell instead of compromising my own freedom."
"And yet you didn't. May I have the reason, if it galls you so much to withstand my presence?"
L frowned and stared vacantly at his half poised cup. What could he say to that? 'I may sort of have a thing for you, but sometimes you act like a real asshole?' "It seemed a good idea at the time."
"What changed?"
L was saved from answering by the return of the waitress. She placed a glass tumbler full of amber liquid in front of Light, the ice clinked against its sides. If L had to guess, he would say it was whiskey. When the waitress left, Light took a sip and L said annoyingly, "Are you even old enough to be drinking that?"
The glare that Light leveled at him as the glass came back down was a good one.
L shrugged, secretly pleased he was able to get under Light's skin. "I'm just saying, Your father won't be very happy if he discovers his precious, infallible, and impressionable son is drinking - and I'm not taking the fall for anything this time."
"I told you, I had no choice in what I told him that time."
So blasé about saying I practically had you against your will.... And your father has been a royal pain in the ass for me to deal with since then. "There's always a choice."
Light rested his head on his hand and met L's eyes without pretense. "I'm sorry."
L blinked, feeling on guard. "For what, exactly?"
"A number of things. But right now, for making you endure my father which I'm sure was unpleasant at best. Especially since he was blaming you for something I did."
L frowned and stirred the coffee in his cup slowly. He had never expected an apology, and he wasn't quite sure what to do with it.
"And," Light continued, "I realize how difficult it would have been to have that thrown in your face when you were against it to begin with. Especially when it was your first experience."
Bad time for a sip of coffee.
L choked and started coughing. What the hell was he doing saying all of that here?? Though Light wasn't being patronizing at the moment, it was just not something that was easy to hear. "Who says it was my only experience?" L was not fond of the turn this was taking. It was way too personal.
"You pretty much told me before. I asked if you were always in such a bad mood after sex, and you said, 'I wouldn't know' in a rather nasty fashion as you threatened me with your shoe."
L put a hand over his face and slouched deeper into the booth. He'd forgotten he'd said that.
Light sipped at his drink. "So, it takes embarrassment for you to talk to me again?"
"I've been talking to you this whole time."
"You've responded, but you have been closed off the entire time, until now."
Oh, you know me SO well, do you? "Can we not talk about this here?"
"If not here, then where? You'll simply avoid the issue if given the chance."
"And what all-encompassing issue might that be?" L said testily. He did not like this shift at all. They were falling back to their old patterns and L did not like feeling hounded. He was also still upset with Light, and Light was trying to brush everything aside. And it was hard not to let him.
Light was locked onto him like a predator on its prey. "That I want you, and you want me, and yet you seem to revel in making things difficult."
L's face flushed. Talk about being forward. "I told you we are not discussing this here."
"Why did you brush me off earlier?" Light's jaw was set. It looked like it was difficult to even voice the question. Which it probably was, due to his pride. I was amazing that his pride even permitted him to hint at the source of his discontent, much less come out and say it so matter-of-factly.
"I don't trust you." L decided to be equally honest.
"That didn't stop you last time."
"I had no options last time."
Light scoffed. "And you have them now?"
"As far as I am aware, yes."
"Why don't you trust me?"
How did Light manage to sound sincere and vaguely hurt? It wasn't so hard to see the well-defined basis of L's mistrust. "You aren't a very trustworthy person."
"I've always been honest with you."
It was L's turn to scoff. "It does appear that way, and yet why should I believe that I alone am above your deceptions?"
"You're different."
"So you've said. But you must realize how insubstantial that is against all the evidence I have of your lies and manipulations."
Light made a noise of irritation, and downed the last of his drink. "You are not making this easy."
"Why should I? Everyone else lets you get away with far too much."
"I'm sorry about the wait," the waitress said, coasting up to the table with a heavy tray. She sat her burden on the edge and unloaded a small, iron sukiyaki pot and placed it upon it an electric heater that would keep the dish warm for some time. She also placed a dish of white rice before both of them and laid a pair of chopsticks with tiny ceramic chopstick rests beside that.
L gave Light an inquiring look which Light chose to not notice. Obviously the brunette had decided to feed the both of them.
The waitress filled L's coffee cup, and placed a new tumbler of Light's chosen drink before him. He thanked her and she was on her way with a smile.
"Feeling hungry, Yagami-kun?" L said, making no move towards the food. Although it was a lie before when he'd said he was hungry back in the room, smelling the dish in front of him was making him feel quite famished.
"Not particularly," he said and sipped his drink.
"This is an awful lot of food for two people who do not care to eat."
"Indeed."
The pot burbled happily. The simmering strips of beef and vegetables smelled fantastic. "I did say I was not hungry, if you'll recall."
"I also recall food being the reason for our trip here."
"Coffee will suffice."
"I suppose being hungry really was just an excuse then," Light said loftily, swirling the ice and liquor in his glass with a practiced motion. "It's a shame really." He picked up the chopsticks with his other hand and plucked a lean piece of succulent beef from the savory broth. "You're dishonest enough for the both of us."
L watched him eat the piece of meat and realized his thoughts were tangled on both food and desire.
It was difficult to hold onto anger and indignation while Light was in a teasing mood, engaging him on levels that required an abandonment of insecurities and other inconsequential feelings. No, he never really doubted their connection when Light was focused on him... it was only when he looked away. Or when L was given too much time to think. Or, when Light was deciding to be ornery.
"Stop thinking so much and eat," Light commanded. L was galled that his hand twitched towards his chopsticks in response.
Light plucked another piece of beef from the pot, allowed it to cool, and leaned over the table to bring it to L's lips. "I won't let you drag me out here again when your obstinance fades and hunger is clawing at your belly."
L gave Light a baleful look and accepted the food. Speaking of obstinance, he knew the brunette would sit there all night waiting for him to comply.
"Is there any reason you left me the use of my primary hand while you cuffed yours?" Light asked, watching his face with a vaguely pleased expression.
L chose a piece of daikon from the pot. "I was trying to be accommodating, I suppose. I am nearly ambidextrous myself." Indeed, he was using his left hand so that he wasn't flashing their handcuffs to the world. Light was mostly doing the same.
"So thoughtful, L, and no one would even suspect you of it."
"Yes, their perceptions of me are rather skewed. I've been wondering lately if I should try harder to meet their expectations."
"Why bother? They are unimportant." Light smiled then. "Besides, I find it intriguing that the staid detective L has a heart."
"Just as I find it interesting to discover your lack of one, despite appearances." L winced to himself. Light would likely blow up at that. But it was hard not to make digs when Light was throwing them out first.
Light merely smiled serenely. "If you watched me nearly as closely as you've let on, you should know when I am being sincere and when I am not. Perhaps it is your own fears that cloud your sight?"
"Perhaps. Though I do find it prudent to heed one's paranoia over death when such is a likely result of any mistakes made."
"At least it is not boring."
"No. Never that," L agreed.
---
Light had finally regained his equilibrium after being put off by L's lame excuse of being hungry. He'd been thoroughly displeased - L had been reacting to him in the most delightful ways, and yet he still had a mind to end things abruptly. Light would have thought that being handcuffed together would have made this ridiculously easy, but it merely presented problems of a different sort.
L was wary. More than usual. And that made it difficult to get close.
Especially when he was angry.
Light knew the comment that had gotten to him... and he could admit it was a poor choice, even though he'd been annoyed at L at the time. But slowly, he had worn down the walls that L had thrown up, worked his way in past the frigid exterior and through to the L that couldn't help but react to him. It had taken some doing, but he was now quite convinced that he would have another opportunity with the dark-haired detective if he only bided his time.
In some ways it was amazing they had gotten this far. It was true that they connected unbelievably well, but they were both possessed of a substantial amount of pride and a suspicious, bordering on paranoid, nature. In order to get close, they both had to make concessions.
Light tried to give up his secretiveness, to the fullest extent he could without getting instantly incarcerated, and L tried to find it in himself to believe him.
It was like negotiating while in free fall.
The merest change in atmosphere could change the balance and tip the outcome.
Tonight.
Tonight he would try again.
That L had gone so far as to have them be handcuffed together meant something. For L rarely did things he didn't want to do, and he always thought things through down to the tiniest detail. He must have known the sorts of situations that might arise. But it would be up to Light to initiate, and in such a manner that L could find it acceptable. L was still shy and still struggling with the ethics of it all.
Light was beyond simple ethics. He knew what he wanted.
L, despite being an adversary, was the most suitable match for him.
---
TBC