Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ A Balm for Social Failure ❯ Evil is Relative ( Chapter 14 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: selena281 
Anime/Manga: Death Note Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Comedy / Psychological / Angst / Romance | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 01.04.2009 | Pages: 6 | Words: 7.7K | Visits: 430 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: Death Note Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Comedy / Psychological / Angst / Romance | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 01.04.2009 | Pages: 6 | Words: 7.7K | Visits: 430 | Status: Work In Progress
A Balm for Social Failure
(Chapter 14: Evil is Relative)
Light x L
L begins to suspect something is missing from his life. He believes the key to be in social interaction - his weak point. At the appearance of the enigma named Light Yagami, he is challenged to rise to the occasion.
Disclaimer: see ch. 1 for full disclaimer
(Chapter 14: Evil is Relative)
Light x L
L begins to suspect something is missing from his life. He believes the key to be in social interaction - his weak point. At the appearance of the enigma named Light Yagami, he is challenged to rise to the occasion.
Disclaimer: see ch. 1 for full disclaimer
A/N: Er... super late chapter... but the next one is half done. xD
Also... after starting to learn French, i realize 'brunette' is the feminine form of the word, and for males with brown hair, it should preferably be 'brunet'. Well.... it looks odd to me, and in the effort of remaining sane, and keeping with continuity, it will remain 'brunette'. I'm sorry if this offends anyone.
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Chapter 14:
"Nothing could affect your thick skin but a hit to your pride."
Light mulled over those words of L's with a frown creasing his brow. They were flippant, exacting, and a blatant attempt to knock him down a peg in the midst of their exchange. There was nothing odd about their utterance. It was like clockwork, so expected was the chime of such a statement. What was odd, puzzling, and worth further contemplation was the depth to which those words had penetrated. That the disapproval underlying them resonated unduly within him.
Yes, perhaps he did have a rather... unconventional way of showing he cared.
But L was no better.
At least he was accepting that feelings were involved, whereas the detective would shiv off such things for as long as he was allowed to.
Was it not natural that he would corner the dark-haired boy when that was the only option he was left with? L needed him to push things along, to overwhelm him past thought. Those deep black eyes, so watchful, so wary, locked on him with singular intensity. Only him. L spoke volumes through nothing more than a glance, and Light had to be able to pull apart every nuance and piece together the real state of things.
This was so frustrating.
He was doing everything right. L was in the palm of his hand, they were locked in this tight orbiting of each other, and nothing was turning out right. He had steeled himself to the possibility of L being wildly uncooperative as he was forced to face his buried emotive side. He was prepared for the backlash at being the instigator. But he couldn't quite fathom the biting disappointment and anger that was echoing in him from L's hastily thrown out words and the other boy's quiet disapproval.
"Yes father, I do have several more tests coming up," Light affirmed disinterestedly. "Though I am not sure how we are to handle that with this current arrangement." Light lifted his ensnared wrist and allowed the cuff to jangle with subdued motion. This was, perhaps the very last thing he should have liked to deal with at the moment. He felt extremely tired and patience was becoming nothing but a concept to him. Having his father keep giving him that worried inquiring look was going to spill through the fog of thought and the detachment and make him act out of hand. "As my fate is not up to you or I, perhaps you should ask Ryuuzaki what his plans are for my future and whether I might be allowed to pass my classes or no."
Light caught the tensing of a white, cotton-clad shoulder from the periphery of his vision.
They had not yet spoken this morning and the cloud of silence hanging about them for hours had been thick, heavy and solemn.
L poked listlessly at a cookie on a plate laden with sweets. He'd had access to it for the last 20 minutes and had yet to eat a single morsel.
"Is having my son under your thumb as pleasing as you thought it would be, Ryuuzaki?" Yagami senior asked. "Would it put you out to terribly to allow him to complete his education?"
Light grimaced inwardly as L's poking ceased, his hand held motionless over the plate. His father really had a way with words. And L would most certainly not be in the mood for accusations of this kind, especially after last night. Not after having Light push him so very far...
L did not turn to face either of them but remained with his back turned. "What would you recommend, Yagami-san?"
His voice was quiet and empty when he responded. But not weak. No, there was a feeling of reserve in those words, like he was holding back and forcing only certain words to his lips. "Removing the handcuffs is out of the realm of possibility as it will compromise the investigation. I could accompany Light-kun to the school to take his tests despite this, but I do not think anyone would enjoy the attention and questions that would bring, nor the tarnish that would be cast upon your family name." L paused. "If Yagami-san would like to offer a suggestion, I would be more than happy to hear it. A solution not of my own devising would surely relieve me from the aspersions you are wont to cast upon my judgment, and I can focus on more important things than endlessly justifying myself to you."
Light was taken aback.
His father was taken aback, insulted, and angry.
Light covertly slipped a hand over his eyes and sunk down into his chair. This would be a 'conversation' best tuned out. L was set to be churlish and unmoving, and his father would be determined to put the 'young whelp' in his place. His father did have a tendency to be ageist.
Yes, best to ignore the cat-fight and pretend it had nothing to do with him, lest he be dragged into it as well. And with L being as he had been this whole morning, Light had a feeling he would not be immune to attacks from both quarters. His father would start being loudly protective, and it was only a matter of time until L started dispelling the misconceptions. Which would start more arguing, Light being forced to defend himself, and depending on how things progressed, being ranted at by one or both of them.
"Light?" Yagami senior said sternly.
Light blinked and looked up with resignation. "Yes?"
"What is your opinion on the matter?"
Damn. The drawback to not paying attention... "Does it matter what I think?" Ok, he could figure this out well enough from context... His father looked stern... L looked pinched and vengeful. The plate of sweets still untouched. And... no. He still had no idea. Best to just not agree to anything. "Can you not settle it amongst yourselves? Would that not be a more satisfying conclusion than trying to team up two against one?"
Two pairs of eyes locked onto him.
"Well, there you have it, Ryuuzaki." Yagami-san stated rather superiorly. "He obviously doesn't mind, or he would have objected."
L looked even more sour than before, and his burning black eyes bored into Light before dismissing him summarily. "If that is Light-kun's wish, very well." If L had seemed displeased earlier, that was nothing compared to now.
Light found himself frowning. His father was throwing him a conspiratorial look, and L was now ripping into a large cinnamon bun with vicious intent. Light actually felt his heart sink. So much for not getting involved. Spending the rest of the day with L like this would be trying and quite unpleasant. Not to mention, it had likely set them back all of the progress they had made.
What had they vicariously made him agree to?
---
Many hours later, they broke the session of research and investigation for the day.
Somewhere around 6pm, Matsuda bounded into the room, fresh and bright eyed from having not been under the pall of gloom as the rest of them had for the past small eternity. He targeted Light immediately and loudly expressed shock at the handcuffs which everyone else had kindly, and uncomfortably, ignored.
"Oh, Light! Wow, what is this?" He gaped and touched the chain, looking back and forth from Light to L. "This must make a few things a bit ... difficult, huh?" He blushed very faintly, and unaware of the attention riveted on him from every person in the room, he continued, "Using the bathroom...bathing..."
The air in the room grew more horror-stricken with each carelessly uttered word. "Changing...sleeping..." Matsuda blushed harder, fingering the chain in a way that made Light want to smack it out of his hands. "You sleep together, don't you?" he asked, to a resounding answering gasp.
"Matsuda!" Yagami-san said, appalled.
"I-I didn't m-mean..." Matsuda stammered, his face now bright red. "I meant in the same b-bed - not actually um... n-not s-sleeping together... I mean, who does that?" He laughed nervously and glanced at Light.
Light was aware of the storm building in the dark-haired detective chained to his arm, the mortified anger of his father, and the shock of the room in general. He gave Matsuda an unfriendly look.
"N-Not that anyone wouldn't want t-to... you know... with you, Light," Matsuda rushed to cover up what he thought was displeasing the brunette. "I mean, who wouldn't want to... you're-"
"MATSUDA."
"Y-Yes, chief?"
Light's father managed a semblance of control. It was slipping though. "Get. Out."
"But-"
"NOW, MATSUDA."
Matsuda squeaked and darted out of the room faster than Light had ever seen him move before.
L stood up slowly.
Light looked to his face and it was a mask of porcelain. A dead face, but for the eyes. Livid. He was utterly livid.
"Does anyone have anything to add to that most pertinent of assessments?" L asked in his professional bored tone. He surveyed the room and ended on the police chief. "Since my concentration has been been unexpectedly dispelled for the evening, I suggest you speak up now, as I will not be hearing of this again." There was a collective silence and a few shaking of heads. "No? Then I wish you all a pleasant evening, and thank you for your hard work today."
L shoved his hands into his pockets and stalked out of the room, making Light scramble to hop out of his chair and bid the others a hasty goodnight.
Out in the hallway, L's pace did not lessen. "Ryuuzaki!" Light very much disliked being rushed.
"Ryuuzaki," he called out again, struggling to keep up, so as not to be jerked along by the chain, while still maintaining some semblance of dignity as he moved. He also hated being ignored. It was tempting, very tempting to simply jerk L back by the chain. But he didn't. He wouldn't. He did not wish to incite further rancor, and in fact his intentions were to calm the dark-haired boy down. What was this? Guilt?
It was the suggestion of intimacy between them that had really set L off, but his mood had been awful since last night. Since Light had forced him to own up to things. Guilt, perhaps. But more accurately.... he was anxious?
Light suddenly felt everything go still inside of him.
Then, like the heralding of doom, something hit the stillness, and ripples shuddered out from that focal point to the vast reaches of everything. This was...
L stopped abruptly and held his hand out demandingly.
Light stared at it blankly. To feel anxious means more than what I originally supposed. The stakes are so much higher now... He realized they were standing in front of their hotel room. He fished the key-card out of his pocket and placed it in L's pale, angular hand. To feel anxious... means I now run the risk of being hurt...
If L had the ability to hurt him, he was losing the upper hand.
L opened the door and paused to give the key-card back, looking up at Light as he did so. There was a vague inquisitiveness about him, the only relief from the cold manner he'd adopted for the last day. His eyes were flat pools of black that reflected the light in the hallway as much as they absorbed it. They gave nothing away. Light was locked out.
Light clenched his fist as L's attention moved off of him again and he stepped through the doorway. Of all the things he could not tolerate.... That L would look at him that way - as if he were the same as everyone else...
He followed the detective, not that he had a choice being chained to him and all, and seethed. Fuck feelings. Fuck anxiousness. He was still in control. He could still make L react to him - all he had to do was abandon all other thoughts - focus on nothing but making those black eyes widen, un-shutter, and spill out their secrets where he could see them. L could be an imposing figure, if you let him. But if you hounded and cornered him, he could fall prey to insecurities and self-doubt just as easily as anyone else.
"L-Light-kun?"
The stammered voice, that voice he had wanted to hear for so long now, brought him back to himself.
He had backed the dark-haired detective into the wall and was barring his movement with a forearm under his chin. It was indeed wide eyes that met his now, startled into expressiveness. Stunning. They truly transformed the pale face they belonged to.
Light felt something tighten in his chest that unfurled the moment he brushed his lips against L's and sunk into the heat of his reluctant mouth. Warmth and surety flowed through him as L fought and surrendered in weakening cycles. You're mine. We both know it.
He still wanted to address L's behavior from today, but that could come later. Right now, he was submerging himself in L as if he'd been thirsting for it. How dare L lock himself away where he could not gain access? What right do you have to hide, and deprive me of the only thing that seems to mean something to me anymore? You know I cannot bear other people. Just you. You are the only one that is worthwhile. Worthy.
Light maneuvered them into L's room without conscious effort, closing the door behind them with a backwards nudge of his foot.
This room... A flair of heat in his abdomen accompanied Light's remembrance of the night before. L's fingernails in his back, his choked moans. The feel of that lean body shuddering around him as their hips met in frantic paces. He could taste the vulnerability of him on the air, at the skin of his neck, and from the heat of his burning cheeks.
So dark before, he had missed so much without the use of his eyes.
He had L on the bed beneath him and a hand under his shirt, smoothing up trembling flesh, before L said a word.
Reacting, reacting. Your concession for how you were today. Light made him work for those words.
"S-Stop, Light... kun... I don't -"
Light smirked as a moan and hastily bitten lip broke the flow of speech. If that's what it takes, I will rob you of all dignity. I won't stop. I will break and remold you.
"Please..." listen, is what L was trying to say.
The 'please' gave him pause. "Your hair is so soft today, isn't it, Ryuuzaki," Light murmured threading his fingers through the spiky, soft mess of it. The conditioner had an effect on it after all. L's eyes closed as his fingers moved through the wild landscape, though they tracked the movement from beneath the lids. Light kissed his lips gently, possessively. "I told you it would be."
"I don't care about my outer appearance as you do yours." L's voice was faint, but steady.
"You should... you have so much to work with."
"You make no sense to me," L said flatly. It was a front, however. Light could feel the emotion just as easily as could have seen behind a stage curtain that had been sloppily let down.
Light whispered in his ear, "I just want you to want me... need me... do as I say..."
L shuddered. "What, no love? Is that not the ultimate in control?"
Light laughed softly. "That is something that can only be freely given. And I do not know that either of us is even capable of such." Oh, it was precious how L tried to lash out at him when he felt vulnerable. It was like the blow dealt from the paw of a small kitten. A surge of affection bent him to those sweet, pouting lips.
The faint noise L made, as he forced his way in, fueled his desire to claim him as thoroughly as last time. The detective's body twisted against his as Light's hands resumed their exploration, teasing, pinching, caressing.
It was all Light wanted out of life. Distilled into this one beautiful moment.
What had he been doing with himself up till now? Had he been truly living? All had been family, school, obligations, people. There had been nothing engaging, nothing exciting, nothing that was worth his time. But this...
L cried out as Light touched him more intimately. As if through a haze, Light watched the play of emotion on his face, delighted in the flush that suffused his naturally translucent skin, and treasured the way his lips parted to take in air with shallow pants. If I were capable of it... I think I might come to love you.
The desire to possess someone could be considered love...
Needing someone might be called love...
Simply wanting to be around someone all the time might be seen as such.
Indeed, any number of things could comprise the concept of love. But what truly was the word itself but a series of complex chains that few knew the real meaning of?
Light gasped as L unexpectedly took him in hand, pleasure compressing the already building ache in him, his eyes clamping shut reflexively. An outpouring of thought and feeling flooded from him towards the dark-haired boy. The most coherent: If I could, I would love you. As broken as we both are, I think it might still be possible.
Light buried his face in the curve of L's neck as the pressure built to overwhelming.
He breathed in the scent of him, buried his mind in the closeness of him, and helplessly bit into the waiting flesh as his body lost control.
---
L sighed, the lethargy suffusing his limbs making him effectively boneless.
Light's body draped over his was not an uncomfortable weight, but it was an uncomfortable reminder that he had totally failed to thwart the younger boy's advances yet again.
He'd been determined to check Light's behavior with reciprocal behavior of his own, and to some extent it had seemed to be working. His ominous mood was detected and noted properly, and Light had avoided engaging him in anything, even conversation.
Surely the brunette had realized that despite having been physically aroused the night before when he'd been forced into sex, the fact of the matter remained: It had not been what you could consider to be consensual. As such, it was perfectly logical that L would hold a grudge and possibly even have accumulated a few more issues to add to his already substantial collection.
For those determined to have their way, there were still always consequences.
Any trust L might have had in the other boy had been sorely tested.
At the same time, what shreds remained, he desperately wished he could believe in. To think that this play of control and possession was merely a game... That scenario compromised everything far more than if Light was merely a spoiled child used to getting his way even at the expense of others. Even if he was also Kira.
Light had breached his mind, his body, and in time would be endangering the very core of him. His soul, if you will. Though he did not much believe in the existence of such things.
The issue of trust was the only measure he had to apply to this situation. If he believed Light could manage trustworthiness with him, he would risk it and from then on ignore any quailing doubts that arose. If he believed Light to be utterly devoid of truth, he would have to end this completely and shut the other boy out at any cost. He would not give in to pretty lies and place his neck obediently on the chopping block.
Light's pride was one thing the other boy preserved above nearly all else, and L was no different.
He would determine the true shape of things, expose the lies, and see where truth and intent really lay.
---
It was later, over dinner at the small dinette table that L brought it up.
Till now, they had shared a more or less companionable silence, each deep in their own thoughts. The exact opposite of before. With minimal deliberation, they decided on chinese food, as the delivery would be less cumbersome than another affair at one of the hotel's restaurants. Neither was in the mood to endure other people. Much preferable was this silence and their shared presence, even if there was an air of inevitability about it.
The dinette felt a little cramped, but it merely served to reinforce the feeling of closeness that had been forged not long ago. It seemed that the most honest communication they managed was by physical means. Perhaps the distraction of it is what was needed for them to let their guards down at the same time. Afterwards, the walls came back up with force, but their knowledge of each other and of themselves was altered. Improved. A seemingly futile process, but one that ultimately worked for them. A new infusion of data was more helpful to them than anything else, and it showed in their slow adaptation to each other.
Light paused the progression of lo mein noodles to his mouth. He met L's eyes and sensed the gravity of the question, but did not in fact know how to answer. He settled for ignorance, hoping L would give something away. "I'm sorry, what was that?"
L made an annoyed sound and resumed making a lake of duck sauce from countless plastic condiment packets. "I said, 'why did you agree?'"
"Some sort of reference would be nice," Light commented blandly. He had a suspicion this was about the disagreement between L and his father earlier. The one he never should have been involved in. The one he still knew nothing about. Damn it all. He hated feeling ill-prepared.
"That Misa will be the courier for your tests, when anyone else would do. That your father suggested time with your girlfriend would be beneficial, and you did nothing to discourage him. Is this your idea of letting her down easily? Getting her more involved?"
That's what I agreed to??? No wonder L was peeved. Not that he could dismiss Misa easily what with the death note and Shinigami issues.... but this very thing was L's chosen rule by which to judge his sincerity, and it was already looking bad. "I hardly see why it is such a problem. In order to end things with her, I would need to be able to communicate in some way, would I not?"
L glared at a spring roll as he trailed it through the thick rosy-gold sauce and took a bite.
"You're sulking."
L repeated the process with a darker expression on his face. "I am not."
Light put his chopsticks to his mouth. "I should say so. Are you merely uncertain as to whether your nasty mood has pushed me to seek more friendly companionship?" He took the bite of food and chewed daintily, absolved from speech for the moment.
L looked like he was counting to 10. Light considered it a win if L was the one struggling to keep pace and hold his temper. It was a nice turnabout from having a gaping hole in his information, only to have it filled unpleasantly with Misa. L wanted to trust him, didn't trust him, AND he was jealous. Jealousy might be the thing to drive L's trust into further solidification if only to keep the competition out...
"You said you would keep her out of it in exchange for my cooperation. Are you going back on your word?"
"What if I no longer thought you were keeping yours? Would you expect me to blindly adhere to a voided agreement?"
"If I knew you thought that, I never would have let you-" L broke off in exasperation.
Light folded his hands and propped his chin upon them with a smile. "Come now, Ryuuzaki, let us be honest with ourselves. If you already doubted me at that point, and to such an extent, then what we did you allowed for other reasons."
"That ego of yours is going to get you into trouble one day."
"I'll rest easy as long as you are there to see it when it does." Light triumphed in the way those carefully chosen words were sucked in, rolled over, and examined by L for the nuances he knew they contained. Unconcern. Mocking. A hint at his wanting L to be around. Conflicting messages in some ways, but all true.
L finally settled on ignoring him, there being nothing really to say in response.
Light watched him eat, while occasionally taking bites of his own meal.
L looked resigned and vaguely annoyed as he drowned and ate his spring rolls. When those were finished, he dug with singular interest into the bag that housed more cartons of food and, of course, the fortune cookies. For some reason, there were three. L tossed one at Light's head, which he caught, and set to work opening the wrappers on the other two and crunching though them.
Light disliked the taste of fortune cookies, so he merely cracked his in half and read the fortune. They were usually good for a laugh.
'You will always get what you want through your charm and personality.'
Light smirked to himself. He always got the most accurate and amusing fortunes. He looked over to L to find him digging into a potion of fried rice. The fortunes and wrappers shared a common discard pile. "Would you like me to read you your fortune, Ryuuzaki?"
L likely didn't care, or he would have read them himself already, but the dark-haired detective looked up shiftily, then shrugged in acquiescence.
Light plucked one of the slips of paper out of the mess and chuckled. He read: "God will give you everything that you want."
That was sufficient to stop L mid-chew. They both could take the meaning further - Light or Kira as it were, viewing himself as a god in his own right. God of the new world. Yes, L, Kira will give you everything you desire.
L swallowed hastily, and with difficulty. "That's ridiculous. What was yours?"
Light told him.
L scoffed and snatched up his other fortune. His dark eyes scanned the printed message. He tossed it down a moment later with disdain. "This is why I never bother with these stupid things. How can they even be accurate? It's all chance." That said, he took a large bite of rice and tried to look bored.
Light picked up the second fortune, which made L twitch slightly in response. It read: 'A cynic is only a frustrated optimist'.
"I don't know," Light said, not quite smothering his amusement. "They seem fairly appropriate to me."
---
click clik clackity click clik
"Ryuuzaki.... I've asked you nicely three times now." Light's voice was strained in its pleasantry. Unspoken, but quite clear, was the sentiment: 'do it or else'.
It was 3 a.m. Light was beyond tired and L was insisting on staying awake, keeping his bedside light on and using his laptop. Loudly.
The typing was driving him mad.
clackity clack claky CLICKITY CLIK KLAKK KLACK
"I don't know, Light-kun, it appears that your charm and personality are broken as they are not yet convincing me to give you what you want. The very heavens must be frowning down upon you."
Oh, nice. Like it's my fault the fortunes speak the truth. "By heaven or hell, if you do not put that thing down, so help me, it will be going through that window."
"You know, I may be a frustrated optimist, but you have all the appearances of being frustrated in all things." L paused, looking infuriatingly and falsely thoughtful. "It hardly makes it seem like you are getting your way at all, really."
clikkity clickitty clack click CLACK CLAK clik clicky
"Ryuuzaki," Light growled. He was going to destroy the laptop AND choke the little punk. In whichever order opportunity presented. Sleep deprivation and annoyance were a recipe for desperation.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Light-kun... I am disturbing your beauty-rest, aren't I?" The pleased little smirk that turned up the corner of L's mouth almost imperceptibly was the last straw.
Light lunged for his throat.
They toppled to the floor and only L's reflexes saved the laptop, which he shoved out of the way before their downward descent.
L wheezed as the air rushed from his lungs at impact. Light tried to crush his windpipe but he didn't have enough reach and his fingers only clamped half-heartedly around the slender throat. With a will, Light closed his fingers in an increasingly brutal grip. L recovered fast, whipping a limber leg out with a well-placed kick that caught him in the side. Light cursed and folded over, providing L an opportunity to gain his feet. Almost.
Oh, no, you don't!
Light grabbed at the older boy's jeans, securing a good grip, then yanked the pant-leg back just as L tried to stand. His side was burning and aching and he wanted to get even. L met the floor with a satisfying thud, but before Light could truly appreciate the aesthetics of that, he was forced to roll out of the way of another deadly strike from L's long legs.
They scuffled, hit, bit, pulled at each other's hair, and generally beat the crap out of each other. Through pure luck, L managed to pin Light with a creative use of the handcuff chain. It was another few moments of stillness before either had breath to speak. Damn it! Light swore mentally. They were too evenly matched for him to get the upper-hand easily. And this time, he'd slipped up.
"Feel better now, princess?" L taunted.
"NO. Why are you deliberately provoking me?" Provocation in this manner wasn't really L's style. Or was it?
"Because I can."
"Congratulations, you've succeeded in being extremely annoying," Light ground out. "I hope that wasn't your biggest aspiration in life, but some of us do have to aim low." He shifted, trying to get free, and scowled as it only served to abraid his bare chest on the carpet. "Give me a real reason," he said threateningly.
L kept him carefully held down and settled on Light's lower back like a seat. Or a pony, really, but that analogy did nothing for Light's temper.
"That was a real reason, Yagami-kun." Light could practically hear the glee hidden within L's voice as he switched to the more formal mode of address. "I think it would benefit you to see that you cannot always have your way. Especially where I am concerned." L paused and pulled the chain a bit tighter, which Light's shoulder's and arms sorely protested.
L leaned down to speak in Light's ear. "Our compatible intellectual levels may bridge the gap in our ages, but our stations are quite different, and that is something I think you ought to keep in mind."
Light wanted to smack the superiority right out of the dark-haired detective's voice. "Let me up and I'll show you something you ought to keep in mind."
The chain tightened, eliciting a pained gasp.
Since when had L been able to turn the tables so fully? It was infuriating!
"Now, now, Yagami-kun," L breathed into his ear in a low voice. "You must know by now that with other people involved, you can't always have your way. You should learn to control your anger and ease back on that god-complex you seem to have picked up."
Light froze in shock and outrage, his mind racing at top speed. God-complex....! Does he have proof?? Or is this merely a bluff? Light reeled as he combed back over everything, looking for his error. This entire sequence, the pointlessly irritating demeanor L had adopted... was it all merely calculated steps to test his self-restraint? To see if he would slip up in a fit of rage? Was Watari right outside the door, on standby in case L was overpowered and needed assistance?
L began nuzzling and mouthing the curve of his neck even as his words threw Light into hyper-analyzation mode.
Light ignored the sensation, determined to... god, that was distracting...
...This is nothing. A paltry win that I can usurp at any time. There, you've let up on the chain just a bit - if I can just twist my right hand a bit, I can work it out...of the...
One of L's hands moved down his back, massaging the flesh and stroking it lightly in turns as it slid lower and lower. Oh, that feels good, damn him. Light tried to refocus his thoughts, but between the dull ache in his bound arms, the hand now playing at his hip and Ryuuzaki's weight grinding him into the floor, he was at a loss. His skin was flashing hot, and his mind was was on little more but the thighs that pinned him.
"Nngh," Light groaned as L tilted him back, just enough to gain access to his mouth and the front of his cotton drawstring sleep-pants.
"Something tells me you like this even more than being in control, Yagami-kun," L said against his lips.
They were soft, barely brushing his. Teasing.
Desire flared up in Light's belly like a flash of white light. His hands twitched as the urge to pull L's mouth to his became overwhelming. Just out of reach. Consistently just out of reach. Lips courted his, playing with his anticipation of their advance and retreat. The tip of L's tongue delicately darted between his lips, surprising him. The hot molten lust it stirred within him drew a sound of surpressed desire from his unguarded mouth.
"So torture is a part of your duties as a world-renowned detective?" Light managed. How in the hell had the situation gotten like this, he could not even fathom. L was right, it was shredding his composure more than he would have imagined; however, it was nothing compared to having L gasping and helpless beneath him. Keep him talking. Keep his mouth busy...
"Hardly," L said dismissively before changing tracks and addressing Light's very thoughts. "I was inexperienced before, Yagami-kun. Nobody has ever faulted me for being a slow learner." L's hands reasserted their presence - a rustling of the chain in one, and the bold grip of the other on his desperate flesh. Teasing lips were nothing compared to the feel of slim, articulate fingers. What happened to the shy L that could hardly bear such intimacies?
Light's eyelids fluttered closed and he grit his teeth in turn. He was not going to last long against this, but he was immobile, and held at L's mercy. "Damn... handcuffs..." Light gasped out. I won't succumb to this. To you...
"I guess Matsuda had a point for once."
"And what... might that be?" Light felt his limbs begin to acquire a fine trembling as he held back the growing fervor of denied pleasure. He wanted to let go so badly, but he was determined not to lose to this, or any other side L chose to show him. But... L had this ability to affect him... and it was so difficult to...
"I believe the vernacular for what he was trying to express earlier was that you are indeed 'fuckable'."
Light's eyes widened. That at least penetrated the fog of lust clouding his mind. Fuckable?? L had been taken by body snatchers. That had to be it. There was no other explanation. Or, this was a dream. Yes! Dreams by nature were illogical. Or, perhaps L had been watching bad pornography. But when would he have had time? They had been chained together without respite, he wouldn't have had the chance.
Oh, no, I let myself be distracted... Light's body tensed, impending release dragging his focus back to the physical realm. Cool fingers hastened upon him, wringing small gasps from him as the throbbing ache inside him tightened unbearably, forcing a groan from his lips as it suddenly dispelled in a flood of pleasure.
L claimed his lips as he came, kissing him fully while he couldn't properly fight back. L sucked at his mouth and coerced with his hands, sapping him of any remaining energy until he sagged upon the floor like a limp doll. Only then did the pressure on his arms let up - not that he could properly feel them - and the weight on his back disappeared.
Light dimly heard the rustling of the chain.
He couldn't move.
He was free, and he couldn't even move to save his own life. Even if L were to say, 'I win' and place him under arrest for being Kira. Even then, his muscles would not obey him. Please, let that not have been the plan...
He heard L's voice from somewhere behind him, triumphant. Pleased.
"Oh, good. It isn't damaged. I would have been very upset if you had broken my laptop, Light-kun."
Light blinked slowly, seeing the fibers of the carpet in minute detail. Now he was 'Light-kun' again. Maybe... His head felt devoid of the vitals that should be what kept his heartbeat and his respiratory functions running. But if his brain were indeed in place and functional, why wasn't he able to think? "Ryuu...zaki. Would you mind explaining to me what just happened?"
L crouched beside him and smiled. "It was just a dream, most likely." He tilted his head, dark hair falling into dark eyes. "Besides, you know in real life there are things I just wouldn't say. Though I must admit, the real me never would have suspected you to have such a bondage kink."
"This is... this is so beyond me right now," Light mumbled, musing aloud as darkness overcame his vision. "Did he slip something into my food?"
---
The sound of the alarm, namely Watari banging on the door, was brutal to Light's pounding head. He felt awful.
"Watari," L called. "I'm already awake, thank you."
Light blinked and tried to gather his brain into something resembling coherency. He felt like he'd only had 3 hours of sleep, his eyes wouldn't focus, and he had some disturbing, half-remembered dream about laptops and being dominated by L.
It was no good. He needed more sleep. He rolled over and tucked into a ball and pretended the world did not exist. Inexplicably, his shoulders felt sore. Oh, but the bed was soft and inviting. He smiled faintly as sleep rolled back over him in a thick blanket.
"Light-kun, you must get up. We have things to do."
What was that annoying voice that kept pulling at his consciousness? Didn't they understand sleep was a basic need? "Five more minutes," he slurred. Oblivion tugged at the edges of his mind like a siren's song.
"No."
"Fine," Light mumbled at the nuisance, starting to get irritated. "You go, I'll stay here."
"You know that is not an option, Light-kun. Now please get up; you take forever to get ready."
Oh. That voice... One amber eye slid open and focused lazily on L's face. L... I really am out of it if it takes me this long to process such a simple thing. Dark eyes rimmed with dark shadows blinked at him. They looked resolute.
"Ryuuzaki?" Something about L leaning over him like this....
"Yes, Light-kun?"
Light's brain was starting to come online as he stared at L's face - as his eyes fell to the other's lips. Something was picking at it from the back, a niggling of a thought...."Were you using your laptop late last night?"
"Why would I do that?" L puzzled. "I know how fanatical you are about your sleep."
'I think it would benefit you to see that you cannot always have your way.' What were those words he could almost hear ringing in his head? Light fixed the detective with a suspicious, assessing look. "Are you sure?"
"Reasonably so."
Light swung his feet over the side of the bed, the world swimming dizzily as he tried to stand.
L caught his arm and steadied him. "You don't look so good, Light-kun. Was 8 hours not sufficient enough beauty-rest?"
There was that zing of intuition again. Something felt off. Light squinted at L's innocent face for a second time. What had happened before... Had it been a dream that echoed reality, or reality that mimicked a dream? "I'll be... fine." Either I'm losing my grip or you are playing dirty. "I just need a hot shower and a cup of coffee." And proof.
Of the two possibilities, I am not sure which bodes more ill.
---
TBD
A/N:
The first two fortunes were real ones that I have in my possession.
_________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________
Chapter 14:
"Nothing could affect your thick skin but a hit to your pride."
Light mulled over those words of L's with a frown creasing his brow. They were flippant, exacting, and a blatant attempt to knock him down a peg in the midst of their exchange. There was nothing odd about their utterance. It was like clockwork, so expected was the chime of such a statement. What was odd, puzzling, and worth further contemplation was the depth to which those words had penetrated. That the disapproval underlying them resonated unduly within him.
Yes, perhaps he did have a rather... unconventional way of showing he cared.
But L was no better.
At least he was accepting that feelings were involved, whereas the detective would shiv off such things for as long as he was allowed to.
Was it not natural that he would corner the dark-haired boy when that was the only option he was left with? L needed him to push things along, to overwhelm him past thought. Those deep black eyes, so watchful, so wary, locked on him with singular intensity. Only him. L spoke volumes through nothing more than a glance, and Light had to be able to pull apart every nuance and piece together the real state of things.
This was so frustrating.
He was doing everything right. L was in the palm of his hand, they were locked in this tight orbiting of each other, and nothing was turning out right. He had steeled himself to the possibility of L being wildly uncooperative as he was forced to face his buried emotive side. He was prepared for the backlash at being the instigator. But he couldn't quite fathom the biting disappointment and anger that was echoing in him from L's hastily thrown out words and the other boy's quiet disapproval.
"Yes father, I do have several more tests coming up," Light affirmed disinterestedly. "Though I am not sure how we are to handle that with this current arrangement." Light lifted his ensnared wrist and allowed the cuff to jangle with subdued motion. This was, perhaps the very last thing he should have liked to deal with at the moment. He felt extremely tired and patience was becoming nothing but a concept to him. Having his father keep giving him that worried inquiring look was going to spill through the fog of thought and the detachment and make him act out of hand. "As my fate is not up to you or I, perhaps you should ask Ryuuzaki what his plans are for my future and whether I might be allowed to pass my classes or no."
Light caught the tensing of a white, cotton-clad shoulder from the periphery of his vision.
They had not yet spoken this morning and the cloud of silence hanging about them for hours had been thick, heavy and solemn.
L poked listlessly at a cookie on a plate laden with sweets. He'd had access to it for the last 20 minutes and had yet to eat a single morsel.
"Is having my son under your thumb as pleasing as you thought it would be, Ryuuzaki?" Yagami senior asked. "Would it put you out to terribly to allow him to complete his education?"
Light grimaced inwardly as L's poking ceased, his hand held motionless over the plate. His father really had a way with words. And L would most certainly not be in the mood for accusations of this kind, especially after last night. Not after having Light push him so very far...
L did not turn to face either of them but remained with his back turned. "What would you recommend, Yagami-san?"
His voice was quiet and empty when he responded. But not weak. No, there was a feeling of reserve in those words, like he was holding back and forcing only certain words to his lips. "Removing the handcuffs is out of the realm of possibility as it will compromise the investigation. I could accompany Light-kun to the school to take his tests despite this, but I do not think anyone would enjoy the attention and questions that would bring, nor the tarnish that would be cast upon your family name." L paused. "If Yagami-san would like to offer a suggestion, I would be more than happy to hear it. A solution not of my own devising would surely relieve me from the aspersions you are wont to cast upon my judgment, and I can focus on more important things than endlessly justifying myself to you."
Light was taken aback.
His father was taken aback, insulted, and angry.
Light covertly slipped a hand over his eyes and sunk down into his chair. This would be a 'conversation' best tuned out. L was set to be churlish and unmoving, and his father would be determined to put the 'young whelp' in his place. His father did have a tendency to be ageist.
Yes, best to ignore the cat-fight and pretend it had nothing to do with him, lest he be dragged into it as well. And with L being as he had been this whole morning, Light had a feeling he would not be immune to attacks from both quarters. His father would start being loudly protective, and it was only a matter of time until L started dispelling the misconceptions. Which would start more arguing, Light being forced to defend himself, and depending on how things progressed, being ranted at by one or both of them.
"Light?" Yagami senior said sternly.
Light blinked and looked up with resignation. "Yes?"
"What is your opinion on the matter?"
Damn. The drawback to not paying attention... "Does it matter what I think?" Ok, he could figure this out well enough from context... His father looked stern... L looked pinched and vengeful. The plate of sweets still untouched. And... no. He still had no idea. Best to just not agree to anything. "Can you not settle it amongst yourselves? Would that not be a more satisfying conclusion than trying to team up two against one?"
Two pairs of eyes locked onto him.
"Well, there you have it, Ryuuzaki." Yagami-san stated rather superiorly. "He obviously doesn't mind, or he would have objected."
L looked even more sour than before, and his burning black eyes bored into Light before dismissing him summarily. "If that is Light-kun's wish, very well." If L had seemed displeased earlier, that was nothing compared to now.
Light found himself frowning. His father was throwing him a conspiratorial look, and L was now ripping into a large cinnamon bun with vicious intent. Light actually felt his heart sink. So much for not getting involved. Spending the rest of the day with L like this would be trying and quite unpleasant. Not to mention, it had likely set them back all of the progress they had made.
What had they vicariously made him agree to?
---
Many hours later, they broke the session of research and investigation for the day.
Somewhere around 6pm, Matsuda bounded into the room, fresh and bright eyed from having not been under the pall of gloom as the rest of them had for the past small eternity. He targeted Light immediately and loudly expressed shock at the handcuffs which everyone else had kindly, and uncomfortably, ignored.
"Oh, Light! Wow, what is this?" He gaped and touched the chain, looking back and forth from Light to L. "This must make a few things a bit ... difficult, huh?" He blushed very faintly, and unaware of the attention riveted on him from every person in the room, he continued, "Using the bathroom...bathing..."
The air in the room grew more horror-stricken with each carelessly uttered word. "Changing...sleeping..." Matsuda blushed harder, fingering the chain in a way that made Light want to smack it out of his hands. "You sleep together, don't you?" he asked, to a resounding answering gasp.
"Matsuda!" Yagami-san said, appalled.
"I-I didn't m-mean..." Matsuda stammered, his face now bright red. "I meant in the same b-bed - not actually um... n-not s-sleeping together... I mean, who does that?" He laughed nervously and glanced at Light.
Light was aware of the storm building in the dark-haired detective chained to his arm, the mortified anger of his father, and the shock of the room in general. He gave Matsuda an unfriendly look.
"N-Not that anyone wouldn't want t-to... you know... with you, Light," Matsuda rushed to cover up what he thought was displeasing the brunette. "I mean, who wouldn't want to... you're-"
"MATSUDA."
"Y-Yes, chief?"
Light's father managed a semblance of control. It was slipping though. "Get. Out."
"But-"
"NOW, MATSUDA."
Matsuda squeaked and darted out of the room faster than Light had ever seen him move before.
L stood up slowly.
Light looked to his face and it was a mask of porcelain. A dead face, but for the eyes. Livid. He was utterly livid.
"Does anyone have anything to add to that most pertinent of assessments?" L asked in his professional bored tone. He surveyed the room and ended on the police chief. "Since my concentration has been been unexpectedly dispelled for the evening, I suggest you speak up now, as I will not be hearing of this again." There was a collective silence and a few shaking of heads. "No? Then I wish you all a pleasant evening, and thank you for your hard work today."
L shoved his hands into his pockets and stalked out of the room, making Light scramble to hop out of his chair and bid the others a hasty goodnight.
Out in the hallway, L's pace did not lessen. "Ryuuzaki!" Light very much disliked being rushed.
"Ryuuzaki," he called out again, struggling to keep up, so as not to be jerked along by the chain, while still maintaining some semblance of dignity as he moved. He also hated being ignored. It was tempting, very tempting to simply jerk L back by the chain. But he didn't. He wouldn't. He did not wish to incite further rancor, and in fact his intentions were to calm the dark-haired boy down. What was this? Guilt?
It was the suggestion of intimacy between them that had really set L off, but his mood had been awful since last night. Since Light had forced him to own up to things. Guilt, perhaps. But more accurately.... he was anxious?
Light suddenly felt everything go still inside of him.
Then, like the heralding of doom, something hit the stillness, and ripples shuddered out from that focal point to the vast reaches of everything. This was...
L stopped abruptly and held his hand out demandingly.
Light stared at it blankly. To feel anxious means more than what I originally supposed. The stakes are so much higher now... He realized they were standing in front of their hotel room. He fished the key-card out of his pocket and placed it in L's pale, angular hand. To feel anxious... means I now run the risk of being hurt...
If L had the ability to hurt him, he was losing the upper hand.
L opened the door and paused to give the key-card back, looking up at Light as he did so. There was a vague inquisitiveness about him, the only relief from the cold manner he'd adopted for the last day. His eyes were flat pools of black that reflected the light in the hallway as much as they absorbed it. They gave nothing away. Light was locked out.
Light clenched his fist as L's attention moved off of him again and he stepped through the doorway. Of all the things he could not tolerate.... That L would look at him that way - as if he were the same as everyone else...
He followed the detective, not that he had a choice being chained to him and all, and seethed. Fuck feelings. Fuck anxiousness. He was still in control. He could still make L react to him - all he had to do was abandon all other thoughts - focus on nothing but making those black eyes widen, un-shutter, and spill out their secrets where he could see them. L could be an imposing figure, if you let him. But if you hounded and cornered him, he could fall prey to insecurities and self-doubt just as easily as anyone else.
"L-Light-kun?"
The stammered voice, that voice he had wanted to hear for so long now, brought him back to himself.
He had backed the dark-haired detective into the wall and was barring his movement with a forearm under his chin. It was indeed wide eyes that met his now, startled into expressiveness. Stunning. They truly transformed the pale face they belonged to.
Light felt something tighten in his chest that unfurled the moment he brushed his lips against L's and sunk into the heat of his reluctant mouth. Warmth and surety flowed through him as L fought and surrendered in weakening cycles. You're mine. We both know it.
He still wanted to address L's behavior from today, but that could come later. Right now, he was submerging himself in L as if he'd been thirsting for it. How dare L lock himself away where he could not gain access? What right do you have to hide, and deprive me of the only thing that seems to mean something to me anymore? You know I cannot bear other people. Just you. You are the only one that is worthwhile. Worthy.
Light maneuvered them into L's room without conscious effort, closing the door behind them with a backwards nudge of his foot.
This room... A flair of heat in his abdomen accompanied Light's remembrance of the night before. L's fingernails in his back, his choked moans. The feel of that lean body shuddering around him as their hips met in frantic paces. He could taste the vulnerability of him on the air, at the skin of his neck, and from the heat of his burning cheeks.
So dark before, he had missed so much without the use of his eyes.
He had L on the bed beneath him and a hand under his shirt, smoothing up trembling flesh, before L said a word.
Reacting, reacting. Your concession for how you were today. Light made him work for those words.
"S-Stop, Light... kun... I don't -"
Light smirked as a moan and hastily bitten lip broke the flow of speech. If that's what it takes, I will rob you of all dignity. I won't stop. I will break and remold you.
"Please..." listen, is what L was trying to say.
The 'please' gave him pause. "Your hair is so soft today, isn't it, Ryuuzaki," Light murmured threading his fingers through the spiky, soft mess of it. The conditioner had an effect on it after all. L's eyes closed as his fingers moved through the wild landscape, though they tracked the movement from beneath the lids. Light kissed his lips gently, possessively. "I told you it would be."
"I don't care about my outer appearance as you do yours." L's voice was faint, but steady.
"You should... you have so much to work with."
"You make no sense to me," L said flatly. It was a front, however. Light could feel the emotion just as easily as could have seen behind a stage curtain that had been sloppily let down.
Light whispered in his ear, "I just want you to want me... need me... do as I say..."
L shuddered. "What, no love? Is that not the ultimate in control?"
Light laughed softly. "That is something that can only be freely given. And I do not know that either of us is even capable of such." Oh, it was precious how L tried to lash out at him when he felt vulnerable. It was like the blow dealt from the paw of a small kitten. A surge of affection bent him to those sweet, pouting lips.
The faint noise L made, as he forced his way in, fueled his desire to claim him as thoroughly as last time. The detective's body twisted against his as Light's hands resumed their exploration, teasing, pinching, caressing.
It was all Light wanted out of life. Distilled into this one beautiful moment.
What had he been doing with himself up till now? Had he been truly living? All had been family, school, obligations, people. There had been nothing engaging, nothing exciting, nothing that was worth his time. But this...
L cried out as Light touched him more intimately. As if through a haze, Light watched the play of emotion on his face, delighted in the flush that suffused his naturally translucent skin, and treasured the way his lips parted to take in air with shallow pants. If I were capable of it... I think I might come to love you.
The desire to possess someone could be considered love...
Needing someone might be called love...
Simply wanting to be around someone all the time might be seen as such.
Indeed, any number of things could comprise the concept of love. But what truly was the word itself but a series of complex chains that few knew the real meaning of?
Light gasped as L unexpectedly took him in hand, pleasure compressing the already building ache in him, his eyes clamping shut reflexively. An outpouring of thought and feeling flooded from him towards the dark-haired boy. The most coherent: If I could, I would love you. As broken as we both are, I think it might still be possible.
Light buried his face in the curve of L's neck as the pressure built to overwhelming.
He breathed in the scent of him, buried his mind in the closeness of him, and helplessly bit into the waiting flesh as his body lost control.
---
L sighed, the lethargy suffusing his limbs making him effectively boneless.
Light's body draped over his was not an uncomfortable weight, but it was an uncomfortable reminder that he had totally failed to thwart the younger boy's advances yet again.
He'd been determined to check Light's behavior with reciprocal behavior of his own, and to some extent it had seemed to be working. His ominous mood was detected and noted properly, and Light had avoided engaging him in anything, even conversation.
Surely the brunette had realized that despite having been physically aroused the night before when he'd been forced into sex, the fact of the matter remained: It had not been what you could consider to be consensual. As such, it was perfectly logical that L would hold a grudge and possibly even have accumulated a few more issues to add to his already substantial collection.
For those determined to have their way, there were still always consequences.
Any trust L might have had in the other boy had been sorely tested.
At the same time, what shreds remained, he desperately wished he could believe in. To think that this play of control and possession was merely a game... That scenario compromised everything far more than if Light was merely a spoiled child used to getting his way even at the expense of others. Even if he was also Kira.
Light had breached his mind, his body, and in time would be endangering the very core of him. His soul, if you will. Though he did not much believe in the existence of such things.
The issue of trust was the only measure he had to apply to this situation. If he believed Light could manage trustworthiness with him, he would risk it and from then on ignore any quailing doubts that arose. If he believed Light to be utterly devoid of truth, he would have to end this completely and shut the other boy out at any cost. He would not give in to pretty lies and place his neck obediently on the chopping block.
Light's pride was one thing the other boy preserved above nearly all else, and L was no different.
He would determine the true shape of things, expose the lies, and see where truth and intent really lay.
---
It was later, over dinner at the small dinette table that L brought it up.
Till now, they had shared a more or less companionable silence, each deep in their own thoughts. The exact opposite of before. With minimal deliberation, they decided on chinese food, as the delivery would be less cumbersome than another affair at one of the hotel's restaurants. Neither was in the mood to endure other people. Much preferable was this silence and their shared presence, even if there was an air of inevitability about it.
The dinette felt a little cramped, but it merely served to reinforce the feeling of closeness that had been forged not long ago. It seemed that the most honest communication they managed was by physical means. Perhaps the distraction of it is what was needed for them to let their guards down at the same time. Afterwards, the walls came back up with force, but their knowledge of each other and of themselves was altered. Improved. A seemingly futile process, but one that ultimately worked for them. A new infusion of data was more helpful to them than anything else, and it showed in their slow adaptation to each other.
Light paused the progression of lo mein noodles to his mouth. He met L's eyes and sensed the gravity of the question, but did not in fact know how to answer. He settled for ignorance, hoping L would give something away. "I'm sorry, what was that?"
L made an annoyed sound and resumed making a lake of duck sauce from countless plastic condiment packets. "I said, 'why did you agree?'"
"Some sort of reference would be nice," Light commented blandly. He had a suspicion this was about the disagreement between L and his father earlier. The one he never should have been involved in. The one he still knew nothing about. Damn it all. He hated feeling ill-prepared.
"That Misa will be the courier for your tests, when anyone else would do. That your father suggested time with your girlfriend would be beneficial, and you did nothing to discourage him. Is this your idea of letting her down easily? Getting her more involved?"
That's what I agreed to??? No wonder L was peeved. Not that he could dismiss Misa easily what with the death note and Shinigami issues.... but this very thing was L's chosen rule by which to judge his sincerity, and it was already looking bad. "I hardly see why it is such a problem. In order to end things with her, I would need to be able to communicate in some way, would I not?"
L glared at a spring roll as he trailed it through the thick rosy-gold sauce and took a bite.
"You're sulking."
L repeated the process with a darker expression on his face. "I am not."
Light put his chopsticks to his mouth. "I should say so. Are you merely uncertain as to whether your nasty mood has pushed me to seek more friendly companionship?" He took the bite of food and chewed daintily, absolved from speech for the moment.
L looked like he was counting to 10. Light considered it a win if L was the one struggling to keep pace and hold his temper. It was a nice turnabout from having a gaping hole in his information, only to have it filled unpleasantly with Misa. L wanted to trust him, didn't trust him, AND he was jealous. Jealousy might be the thing to drive L's trust into further solidification if only to keep the competition out...
"You said you would keep her out of it in exchange for my cooperation. Are you going back on your word?"
"What if I no longer thought you were keeping yours? Would you expect me to blindly adhere to a voided agreement?"
"If I knew you thought that, I never would have let you-" L broke off in exasperation.
Light folded his hands and propped his chin upon them with a smile. "Come now, Ryuuzaki, let us be honest with ourselves. If you already doubted me at that point, and to such an extent, then what we did you allowed for other reasons."
"That ego of yours is going to get you into trouble one day."
"I'll rest easy as long as you are there to see it when it does." Light triumphed in the way those carefully chosen words were sucked in, rolled over, and examined by L for the nuances he knew they contained. Unconcern. Mocking. A hint at his wanting L to be around. Conflicting messages in some ways, but all true.
L finally settled on ignoring him, there being nothing really to say in response.
Light watched him eat, while occasionally taking bites of his own meal.
L looked resigned and vaguely annoyed as he drowned and ate his spring rolls. When those were finished, he dug with singular interest into the bag that housed more cartons of food and, of course, the fortune cookies. For some reason, there were three. L tossed one at Light's head, which he caught, and set to work opening the wrappers on the other two and crunching though them.
Light disliked the taste of fortune cookies, so he merely cracked his in half and read the fortune. They were usually good for a laugh.
'You will always get what you want through your charm and personality.'
Light smirked to himself. He always got the most accurate and amusing fortunes. He looked over to L to find him digging into a potion of fried rice. The fortunes and wrappers shared a common discard pile. "Would you like me to read you your fortune, Ryuuzaki?"
L likely didn't care, or he would have read them himself already, but the dark-haired detective looked up shiftily, then shrugged in acquiescence.
Light plucked one of the slips of paper out of the mess and chuckled. He read: "God will give you everything that you want."
That was sufficient to stop L mid-chew. They both could take the meaning further - Light or Kira as it were, viewing himself as a god in his own right. God of the new world. Yes, L, Kira will give you everything you desire.
L swallowed hastily, and with difficulty. "That's ridiculous. What was yours?"
Light told him.
L scoffed and snatched up his other fortune. His dark eyes scanned the printed message. He tossed it down a moment later with disdain. "This is why I never bother with these stupid things. How can they even be accurate? It's all chance." That said, he took a large bite of rice and tried to look bored.
Light picked up the second fortune, which made L twitch slightly in response. It read: 'A cynic is only a frustrated optimist'.
"I don't know," Light said, not quite smothering his amusement. "They seem fairly appropriate to me."
---
click clik clackity click clik
"Ryuuzaki.... I've asked you nicely three times now." Light's voice was strained in its pleasantry. Unspoken, but quite clear, was the sentiment: 'do it or else'.
It was 3 a.m. Light was beyond tired and L was insisting on staying awake, keeping his bedside light on and using his laptop. Loudly.
The typing was driving him mad.
clackity clack claky CLICKITY CLIK KLAKK KLACK
"I don't know, Light-kun, it appears that your charm and personality are broken as they are not yet convincing me to give you what you want. The very heavens must be frowning down upon you."
Oh, nice. Like it's my fault the fortunes speak the truth. "By heaven or hell, if you do not put that thing down, so help me, it will be going through that window."
"You know, I may be a frustrated optimist, but you have all the appearances of being frustrated in all things." L paused, looking infuriatingly and falsely thoughtful. "It hardly makes it seem like you are getting your way at all, really."
clikkity clickitty clack click CLACK CLAK clik clicky
"Ryuuzaki," Light growled. He was going to destroy the laptop AND choke the little punk. In whichever order opportunity presented. Sleep deprivation and annoyance were a recipe for desperation.
"Oh, I'm sorry, Light-kun... I am disturbing your beauty-rest, aren't I?" The pleased little smirk that turned up the corner of L's mouth almost imperceptibly was the last straw.
Light lunged for his throat.
They toppled to the floor and only L's reflexes saved the laptop, which he shoved out of the way before their downward descent.
L wheezed as the air rushed from his lungs at impact. Light tried to crush his windpipe but he didn't have enough reach and his fingers only clamped half-heartedly around the slender throat. With a will, Light closed his fingers in an increasingly brutal grip. L recovered fast, whipping a limber leg out with a well-placed kick that caught him in the side. Light cursed and folded over, providing L an opportunity to gain his feet. Almost.
Oh, no, you don't!
Light grabbed at the older boy's jeans, securing a good grip, then yanked the pant-leg back just as L tried to stand. His side was burning and aching and he wanted to get even. L met the floor with a satisfying thud, but before Light could truly appreciate the aesthetics of that, he was forced to roll out of the way of another deadly strike from L's long legs.
They scuffled, hit, bit, pulled at each other's hair, and generally beat the crap out of each other. Through pure luck, L managed to pin Light with a creative use of the handcuff chain. It was another few moments of stillness before either had breath to speak. Damn it! Light swore mentally. They were too evenly matched for him to get the upper-hand easily. And this time, he'd slipped up.
"Feel better now, princess?" L taunted.
"NO. Why are you deliberately provoking me?" Provocation in this manner wasn't really L's style. Or was it?
"Because I can."
"Congratulations, you've succeeded in being extremely annoying," Light ground out. "I hope that wasn't your biggest aspiration in life, but some of us do have to aim low." He shifted, trying to get free, and scowled as it only served to abraid his bare chest on the carpet. "Give me a real reason," he said threateningly.
L kept him carefully held down and settled on Light's lower back like a seat. Or a pony, really, but that analogy did nothing for Light's temper.
"That was a real reason, Yagami-kun." Light could practically hear the glee hidden within L's voice as he switched to the more formal mode of address. "I think it would benefit you to see that you cannot always have your way. Especially where I am concerned." L paused and pulled the chain a bit tighter, which Light's shoulder's and arms sorely protested.
L leaned down to speak in Light's ear. "Our compatible intellectual levels may bridge the gap in our ages, but our stations are quite different, and that is something I think you ought to keep in mind."
Light wanted to smack the superiority right out of the dark-haired detective's voice. "Let me up and I'll show you something you ought to keep in mind."
The chain tightened, eliciting a pained gasp.
Since when had L been able to turn the tables so fully? It was infuriating!
"Now, now, Yagami-kun," L breathed into his ear in a low voice. "You must know by now that with other people involved, you can't always have your way. You should learn to control your anger and ease back on that god-complex you seem to have picked up."
Light froze in shock and outrage, his mind racing at top speed. God-complex....! Does he have proof?? Or is this merely a bluff? Light reeled as he combed back over everything, looking for his error. This entire sequence, the pointlessly irritating demeanor L had adopted... was it all merely calculated steps to test his self-restraint? To see if he would slip up in a fit of rage? Was Watari right outside the door, on standby in case L was overpowered and needed assistance?
L began nuzzling and mouthing the curve of his neck even as his words threw Light into hyper-analyzation mode.
Light ignored the sensation, determined to... god, that was distracting...
...This is nothing. A paltry win that I can usurp at any time. There, you've let up on the chain just a bit - if I can just twist my right hand a bit, I can work it out...of the...
One of L's hands moved down his back, massaging the flesh and stroking it lightly in turns as it slid lower and lower. Oh, that feels good, damn him. Light tried to refocus his thoughts, but between the dull ache in his bound arms, the hand now playing at his hip and Ryuuzaki's weight grinding him into the floor, he was at a loss. His skin was flashing hot, and his mind was was on little more but the thighs that pinned him.
"Nngh," Light groaned as L tilted him back, just enough to gain access to his mouth and the front of his cotton drawstring sleep-pants.
"Something tells me you like this even more than being in control, Yagami-kun," L said against his lips.
They were soft, barely brushing his. Teasing.
Desire flared up in Light's belly like a flash of white light. His hands twitched as the urge to pull L's mouth to his became overwhelming. Just out of reach. Consistently just out of reach. Lips courted his, playing with his anticipation of their advance and retreat. The tip of L's tongue delicately darted between his lips, surprising him. The hot molten lust it stirred within him drew a sound of surpressed desire from his unguarded mouth.
"So torture is a part of your duties as a world-renowned detective?" Light managed. How in the hell had the situation gotten like this, he could not even fathom. L was right, it was shredding his composure more than he would have imagined; however, it was nothing compared to having L gasping and helpless beneath him. Keep him talking. Keep his mouth busy...
"Hardly," L said dismissively before changing tracks and addressing Light's very thoughts. "I was inexperienced before, Yagami-kun. Nobody has ever faulted me for being a slow learner." L's hands reasserted their presence - a rustling of the chain in one, and the bold grip of the other on his desperate flesh. Teasing lips were nothing compared to the feel of slim, articulate fingers. What happened to the shy L that could hardly bear such intimacies?
Light's eyelids fluttered closed and he grit his teeth in turn. He was not going to last long against this, but he was immobile, and held at L's mercy. "Damn... handcuffs..." Light gasped out. I won't succumb to this. To you...
"I guess Matsuda had a point for once."
"And what... might that be?" Light felt his limbs begin to acquire a fine trembling as he held back the growing fervor of denied pleasure. He wanted to let go so badly, but he was determined not to lose to this, or any other side L chose to show him. But... L had this ability to affect him... and it was so difficult to...
"I believe the vernacular for what he was trying to express earlier was that you are indeed 'fuckable'."
Light's eyes widened. That at least penetrated the fog of lust clouding his mind. Fuckable?? L had been taken by body snatchers. That had to be it. There was no other explanation. Or, this was a dream. Yes! Dreams by nature were illogical. Or, perhaps L had been watching bad pornography. But when would he have had time? They had been chained together without respite, he wouldn't have had the chance.
Oh, no, I let myself be distracted... Light's body tensed, impending release dragging his focus back to the physical realm. Cool fingers hastened upon him, wringing small gasps from him as the throbbing ache inside him tightened unbearably, forcing a groan from his lips as it suddenly dispelled in a flood of pleasure.
L claimed his lips as he came, kissing him fully while he couldn't properly fight back. L sucked at his mouth and coerced with his hands, sapping him of any remaining energy until he sagged upon the floor like a limp doll. Only then did the pressure on his arms let up - not that he could properly feel them - and the weight on his back disappeared.
Light dimly heard the rustling of the chain.
He couldn't move.
He was free, and he couldn't even move to save his own life. Even if L were to say, 'I win' and place him under arrest for being Kira. Even then, his muscles would not obey him. Please, let that not have been the plan...
He heard L's voice from somewhere behind him, triumphant. Pleased.
"Oh, good. It isn't damaged. I would have been very upset if you had broken my laptop, Light-kun."
Light blinked slowly, seeing the fibers of the carpet in minute detail. Now he was 'Light-kun' again. Maybe... His head felt devoid of the vitals that should be what kept his heartbeat and his respiratory functions running. But if his brain were indeed in place and functional, why wasn't he able to think? "Ryuu...zaki. Would you mind explaining to me what just happened?"
L crouched beside him and smiled. "It was just a dream, most likely." He tilted his head, dark hair falling into dark eyes. "Besides, you know in real life there are things I just wouldn't say. Though I must admit, the real me never would have suspected you to have such a bondage kink."
"This is... this is so beyond me right now," Light mumbled, musing aloud as darkness overcame his vision. "Did he slip something into my food?"
---
The sound of the alarm, namely Watari banging on the door, was brutal to Light's pounding head. He felt awful.
"Watari," L called. "I'm already awake, thank you."
Light blinked and tried to gather his brain into something resembling coherency. He felt like he'd only had 3 hours of sleep, his eyes wouldn't focus, and he had some disturbing, half-remembered dream about laptops and being dominated by L.
It was no good. He needed more sleep. He rolled over and tucked into a ball and pretended the world did not exist. Inexplicably, his shoulders felt sore. Oh, but the bed was soft and inviting. He smiled faintly as sleep rolled back over him in a thick blanket.
"Light-kun, you must get up. We have things to do."
What was that annoying voice that kept pulling at his consciousness? Didn't they understand sleep was a basic need? "Five more minutes," he slurred. Oblivion tugged at the edges of his mind like a siren's song.
"No."
"Fine," Light mumbled at the nuisance, starting to get irritated. "You go, I'll stay here."
"You know that is not an option, Light-kun. Now please get up; you take forever to get ready."
Oh. That voice... One amber eye slid open and focused lazily on L's face. L... I really am out of it if it takes me this long to process such a simple thing. Dark eyes rimmed with dark shadows blinked at him. They looked resolute.
"Ryuuzaki?" Something about L leaning over him like this....
"Yes, Light-kun?"
Light's brain was starting to come online as he stared at L's face - as his eyes fell to the other's lips. Something was picking at it from the back, a niggling of a thought...."Were you using your laptop late last night?"
"Why would I do that?" L puzzled. "I know how fanatical you are about your sleep."
'I think it would benefit you to see that you cannot always have your way.' What were those words he could almost hear ringing in his head? Light fixed the detective with a suspicious, assessing look. "Are you sure?"
"Reasonably so."
Light swung his feet over the side of the bed, the world swimming dizzily as he tried to stand.
L caught his arm and steadied him. "You don't look so good, Light-kun. Was 8 hours not sufficient enough beauty-rest?"
There was that zing of intuition again. Something felt off. Light squinted at L's innocent face for a second time. What had happened before... Had it been a dream that echoed reality, or reality that mimicked a dream? "I'll be... fine." Either I'm losing my grip or you are playing dirty. "I just need a hot shower and a cup of coffee." And proof.
Of the two possibilities, I am not sure which bodes more ill.
---
TBD
A/N:
The first two fortunes were real ones that I have in my possession.