Death Note Fan Fiction ❯ A Balm for Social Failure ❯ Rules of Entrapment ( Chapter 17 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

A Balm for Social Failure

(Chapter 17: Rules of Entrapment)
Light x L

L begins to suspect something is missing from his life. He believes the key to be in social interaction - his weak point. At the appearance of the enigma named Light Yagami, he is challenged to rise to the occasion.

Disclaimer: see ch. 1 for full disclaimer

A/N: Thank you for your feedback - positive, negative, etc. I hope this chapter clears up some of the questions (and loss of faith?). And, as an amendment to my earlier estimation of 'chapters left', I no longer know how many chapters this will end up being. Certain things have changed my projection, so for now, I will just write and it will end when it ends. :)

AND, sorry for the delay! My beta and I were on crazily clashing schedules and I JUST NOW got this thing looked over. Hot off the press, peeps.

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Chapter 17:

Lain out next to L, thin sheet about his hips, Light spun the small ball on one of his earrings with a distracted hand. It was a gesture he had developed soon after acquiring them. He sometimes gave the impression that he dearly wished his fingers to have the power to crush the tiny thing - rendering the piece of electronics that served as his collar and leash null and void. Their style was such that they looked as much at home on him as a male as they seemed appropriate enough when he had to play his disguise. L had picked them carefully with that in mind. A part of him was sickly taken with the idea that his 'gift' had marked Light in a permanent way, by spearing the delicate flesh of his ears.

"I didn't expect to see my father today," Light broached the topic in a careful manner. Spin. Spin. His fingers were nimble and thoughtless upon the bead. It was nearly a nervous gesture, akin to the biting of one's nails.

Light never said much about them, though he seemed sullen in his oblique references to the alterations of his body. He also understood that such a thing would grant him certain liberties, and enabled the existence of their current arrangement. They seemed to L to accent the superior tilt of Light's head, and give the impression he was part of a rougher crowd. Like a beautiful and cunning delinquent.

"Did it bother you?" L asked.

"In a detached sort of way." Spin, Spin, Spin. "But his attitude toward you only serves to set off my temper."

L gave pause. He also did not care for the police chief's chosen treatment of him, but in this case his opinion was moot. Given the other factors, Yagami-san had every right. "Well, he does think that I had you killed. You cannot fault him overmuch for his behavior."

"What really pisses me off is that he could not tell it was me," Light complained, flipping onto his back in a huff. "Whereas Matsuda seems to have a natural radar for finding me out." His lips turned a wry grimace.

"That was probably just pheromones." L said off-handedly. "But isn't it nice to know he would like you no matter what gender you were?" There is that taunting again, is it so integral now that I do it without even thinking?

Light made a noise of disgust. "No, it's abhorrent." He wasn't playing the game.

Amber eyes slid to their corners, meeting his in grave seriousness. "Ryuuzaki..." He paused. "About the cross-dressing... While I see the necessity of it, so as not to be recognized in the outside world, I am at my limit." He sounded utterly calm and well at ease, but L could mark the tensing in his shoulders and chest. "Must we stay in Japan for your current cases?"

L blinked. This may be the first time Light had ever asked him for anything, in such a non-combative and acquiescent fashion. "Not really, though you know I had to stay for the final dissolution of your case. It was too momentous, too far-reaching to simply leave right after."

"Soon, then?"

"I'm sure that would be possible." He propped his head on his hand and watched Light's face. "I was thinking of Britain or France. Would you be agreeable to that?"

There was a small frown as Light regarded the ceiling. "I don't speak French."

"Yet," L stressed. "It would be an easy thing for you to learn between cases."

"I suppose." The mild flattery smoothed the displeased crease that had briefly appeared between his elegant brows, soothed ruffled feathers.

"It would be easy to take you with me to England if you went as Emelia. We were thorough enough initially for the usual inquiries to affirm her arrival in Japan - which is why I insisted on you making the trip from the airport to the station as her. We have been seen out together."

There had been no end to the complaints Light had unleashed at the closeted escort out to the airport, and then back again as a female. On top of that, it was during that time that Light had been 'gifted' with the earrings. It had been slightly difficult to arrange, the police were largely more loyal to their own than to a renowned detective, but L did have a few people of whom he could trust. The piercer was simple enough matter - a large enough sum and they did not care to ask about the circumstance of their services.

Light was surely surprised when the driver produced the small package from L and the note. He recalled its contents quite clearly: "To my dearest Emelia, I hope my gift finds you in good stead. They may not appear to be of your typical preference, but that has been taken into account. Please enjoy them, and wear them always. There is not their like in the whole of Japan, and it would be a travesty if you were to misplace them."

All of it was phrased in a manner that would do nothing to harm the integrity of the plan, while conveying important information to Light at the same time. Light was to play Emelia to a fault, say nothing when the passenger beside him suddenly produced the tools that would make wearing pierced earrings possible, and he was to keep them in at all times of forfeit his freedom and his life. He would have realized immediately that the custom-made earrings contained some sort of tracking device and were the only reason L had allowed him out of his sight.

"Go with you to England? I do hope you are not about to suggest a false engagement as your backup story. In that case Emelia would be required to have regular appearances, thus defeating the purpose of leaving here."

"But it is an airtight-"

"NO. I want to go somewhere where no one will recognize my face and I can finally be in public without donning such a ridiculous getup."

"Then perhaps I need to give it more thought."

Light folded his hands behind his head, and closed his eyes with a snobbish expression on his aristocratic features. "You do that."

"I have a preference for France, but as I've said, Britain was the most direct and effective option. Could you not put up with it temporarily?" They could make the transition between European countries easily, it is the initial voyage from Japan that would be of the greatest import.

"How long?" Light did not sound agreeable in the least.

"One to two years."

"Absolutely not. Think of something else."

L sat up and scowled down at him. His eyes were still closed, and the commanding air he radiated with the ease of breathing was starting to get on L's nerves. "I don't believe you have much say in the matter," he said sharply.

Light sighed dismissively. "I would assist you in devising a more reasonable exodus if the like of that is proving too troublesome for you to muddle through..." L felt himself bristling at the other boy's superior and condescending attitude. "But I know you, and you would spurn my offer while accusing me of trying to work some sort of angle for my own gain."

"And I would be right."

"In part." His eyes cracked open, revealing the amber glow of his gaze through veiled slits. "My main concern being liberation from Emelia."

"You expect me to believe that would be all?"

"No, of course you would be foolish to think that. I dream of being apart from you."

L frowned and felt it change the very make up of his features. The brunette was goading him, blatantly. L knew Light was just trying to get a reaction out of him, but it hit too close to home, touching upon old fears as well as current ones regarding the extent of the other boy's acting skills. Unhappiness radiated out from the core of him like waves of heat, spiking sharply when Light bestowed upon him a curling, self-satisfied smile.

L wanted to strike that face as much as he wanted to flee it. He tried to remind himself that these power trips were the only thing that grounded Light within his new captivity.

"Trying to rationalize me, L?"

"Of course not." As always, Light knew exactly where his mind was at. "I already knew you could be a bastard, I'm merely wondering if you are going to be worth all the trouble you put me through." That and you keep sliding closer and closer to letting Kira shine from your eyes. He's infusing you more and more as time passes. Soon, there will be a reckoning. You think your freedom is limited now, but the way things are going...

Light was quick to scent out the shift in his thoughts. His eyes locked on L's and he slunk forward like a large cat, posture humming with coiled energy, his attention focused full force.

L felt his breath cease while the hardened gold gaze ensnared him. He hated the trickling of fear he felt as he perceiving the subtle flair of Kira in the brunette's demeanor.

"What aren't you telling me, hmm?"

It was like being circled by a shark.

"Secrets, L, you know how I dislike secrets."

"Unless they are your own."

Light let out a soft, Kira-tainted laugh. "Of course, my dear detective, of course. That is true of anyone, is it not?"

"And what of the secrets you keep from yourself?" Was this particular conversation going to play out now? What horrible timing. L was wildly aware of his state of undress and his distance from anything that would have been useful and in hand in this situation, if he'd had his preference. He eyed his jeans on the floor across the room. They were just too far.

"You are just too precious. So obvious..." Kira shone like an image superimposed over Light's face. He was not present in force, but this was the closest to it that he had been since that day. Then, like now, he had been at quite the disadvantage. Had he learned nothing?

Poisonous lips sought his. Played with him. "I like that about you, L... for all your skills, you cannot hide from me." They defiled him with their gentle caress and belied the sea of violence that bathed that corrupted soul. "And I love how hard you try."

Disgust and misplaced desire wound about him like a noose, fortified by his ever-present fear. Kira's sick words and games did their work well - he couldn't escape his own reactions, and Kira was lapping them up like the purest milk. Suckling on his indecision, swallowing his ability to act as moved closer to abusing his body. Staring at him with delighted, sadistic eyes.

Damn. Damn. Why did he always fall to the other boy's rhythm, no matter which part of him held the reins of control?

Kira laughed throatily. "That is because you are weak." The killer stalked him, curling about him like smoke. "You are susceptible to me as a lesser being, though you are the most worthy I have ever encountered." Mocking him and praising him in the same breath.

As if I need your approval! L's eyes narrowed, anger cleansing his mind. "You really are a great conglomeration of Light's finest faults, amplified to an absurd extent."

Kira bowled him over suddenly, locking an arm beneath his chin to hold him in place. His grin was like razorblades, his voice slightly breathless. "Your impudence never ceases to excite my interest." L struggled against the crushing pressure of the hold. He wanted nothing of the excitement he saw flashing in gold eyes of the monster hovering over his prone body. "It is as useless as it is entertaining," Kira said silkily, "but it does put me in mind that I may have been hasty before when I toyed with taking your life."

"Is it too distasteful to say things like 'I was wrong' or admit that your decision to act or abstain was taken from you before you had a chance to decide?" L cringed as the words left his mouth, knowing after their utterance that they were a mistake, but unable to stop the flow of them in the face of this entrapment. He hated feeling so helpless.

"Are you trying to provoke me, detective?" That gaze flayed him open and spread him wide. "I would not recommend doing so. My temper is rather volatile, as you yourself have surely noticed." A cruel caress marked his skin with pain and trepidation.

Engaging Kira on these grounds was like walking through a minefield. Light was the same in some ways, but logical after more conventional standards. With Kira, everything was a gamble. Innocuous comments could incite rage, and barbed statements might garner an amused laugh. What was the path he needed to take to disarm this and throw Kira back into his shuttered cage?

He jumped as the moist touch of a possessive tongue traced his cheek, his breath catching in his throat with a small noise.

Could he accomplish it before Kira subjected him to his base desires? He desperately hoped so.

---

Light looked down in confusion.

His hands were bound before him, and those bound to his feet, and he appeared to be reacquainted with the rather hated slate grey of a nondescript concrete floor. The cold seeping intrusively into the flesh along the right side of his body attested to him having been here no small while.

He counted to 10 and tried to calm the feeling of disturbingly fresh deja-vu.

Although his brain was pounding an insistent tattoo against the back of his skull, he felt reasonably cognizant.

He wondered vaguely if this was the exact same room as last time while he waited for L to appear and tell him why the fuck he was trussed up like a turkey on a spit. Again.

He wasn't kept long.

This was no fancy holding cell like one he'd imagined the detective would wish to utilize. No speakers piped L's voice sterilely into the space, and no cameras were immediately visible. The door on the other side of the room opened without pretense.

From his angle of view, when L entered, he appeared to be walking upon the wall against Light's right side, parallel to the floor. This was incorrect, of course, as Light was upon the floor, and as far as he knew, L was unable to defy gravity to such an extent, but the impression remained and made him slightly dizzy.

"Hello, Light-kun. Do you know why you are here?"

"Do I look like I have the faintest idea, Ryuuzaki-san?" He hated when L switched into formal mode. It always made him feel like he was being judged, and his merit was going to be found lacking. Irritation bubbled within his chest.

"I have decided it is time for us to have a talk."

L sat on something behind him that Light couldn't quite make out. Light gave the slouched form a scathing look. "Does this little chat require this precise setup?"

"That is irrelevant at the moment."

"Is that so? I find that it is of particular relevance to me."

"Stop complaining," L ordered.

Light fell silent, his piqued curiosity at L's strange manner overriding his discomfort.

"You are aware of the lengths to which I have gone to both fake your death and keep you preserved in secrecy?"

Light nodded.

"Then you will understand that I am deadly serious on matters regarding either?"

Again, Light nodded, wondering where the hell the dark-haired boy was going with this.

"Good," L said. "Now, tell me, what is your impression of Kira?"

Light felt one of his brows raise, and a scoff usher in his response. "Is this a trick question, Ryuuzaki?"

"Don't mock me," L barked out. "I am not in the mood. Answer the question."

But what other sort of question could it be? he thought in confusion. Kira isn't anything but a name that was given to me by the people who believed in my work. He decided to bargain. "If you would tell me where exactly I am, I will endeavor to try." He felt L was overextending himself in his harsh manner and would not maintain it long in the face of civility.

"Very well. You are in one of the boiler rooms in the hotel basement."

"It must have been difficult to bring me down here without notice."

"I have my ways," L cut him off, patience fraying.

"I fail to see the import of this, but Kira is nothing but a title."

L was silent for a long time. "Is that your true answer? Have you thought about it - not in terms of what you expect, but in the fullest detail?"

"L, what do you want from me?" he mumbled under his breath. L was obviously trying to lead him with this questioning, but he had no idea what it was the other boy wanted or needed to hear. It made him uneasy.

"Do you recall ever having periods of missed time?"

"What, like how exactly you managed to wrangle me down here or what I possibly could have done to deserve it?" Light said sarcastically.

"Yes."

Light flinched at the severity of L's tone, and what the seriousness of it meant for him. Missing time...? Of course his memory was not entirely flawless, but something like that would not have gone without his notice? Suppose it had, though... what significance would that bear? Something he had done, while unaware, that L was treating with such militance...

"You were displeased that I would not agree willingly to the Britain plan," Light mused aloud. "But this seems a disproportionate reaction to that. Also, I remember the conversation, so I suppose I am at a loss." He kept his voice subdued, a request that this not be taken as a response made in defiance.

L stood. "Perhaps you need more time to think it over."

"Wait!" Light scrambled to wrench his body upright, as L walked to the door. "Ryuuzaki, wait, please. I'm trying to understand, truly."

L paused at the door, head ducked, all the lines of his body echoing his inner displeasure. After a time, he turned and made his way back to Light and knelt in front of him. His dark eyes were grave and gave nothing away. This was a new version of the blank face he used as a mask. When had L had time or cause to craft another? He felt shaken.

L stared at him with omnipotent eyes, projecting a presence that was as far from his normal self as a stranger's. L was more tightly guarded than he ever had been. The disconnect between them was immense. This was the embodiment of L, the mastermind detective. This was the impersonal L that everyone saw, respected, and even feared. There was no emotion in this machine to appeal to.

And yet such a being was withholding judgment. While formidable, what knelt before him was still nothing but a persona. He knew the real L.

Something must have happened. L was not one to play games of this magnitude.

"You are implying that I may be unaware of certain periods of time," Light said carefully, waiting for confirmation before continuing. He had to think about this in broad terms and not the unrealistic nature of it. Suspend reality, at least long enough to get out of this cage. There, perhaps, he would encounter L in truth, and not this hollow shell. "And you have asked me of Kira, whom you are well aware is nothing but an alter ego."

"That is where you are wrong, Light-kun."

Light tried to dismiss the stab of annoyance at L's persistently formal address. It had to be that he was extremely bothered by this thing, whatever it was, and he needed the perceived distance formality afforded him. "Wrong, how exactly?" When have I ever been wrong?

"Kira is more than an alter ego by your definition of it. He has attained autonomy."

"What are you talking about?" Light spat, unable to curb his reaction from such foolishness. "That is preposterous. I have and always will be in full control of my faculties, and that you would dare to say such a thing - what are those?"

Silently, L had pulled his shirt over his head to expose a rather impressive array of marks that covered his once flawless torso. There were so many... Light reached his bound hands out to touch the pale skin, to affirm what his eyes were telling him. Abusive tracks of teeth, nails and a suckling mouth were etched across his flesh. A flicker of queasiness licked at his stomach at the same time a small thrill raced sickly through him. Good god.

Light's mouth was dry. "I did this?"

"Kira did."

Light raised his eyes to L's with effort. They were blank and shielding hard. "What aren't you telling me, Ryuuzaki? This has happened before... this or something like it."

"The instances were gradually increasing in frequency and intensity, though they were dormant for a while after the initial confrontation." L spoke as if he were telling him the molecular makeup of regulatory and effector synapses, utterly distant and unaffected.

"I don't remember the circumstances leading to my last confinement several weeks ago. I remember speaking with you in the hallway, and then I woke up here, feeling like hell. What happened?"

Unconsciously, L's hand reached up to his own neck and rubbed at the skin as if relieving discomfort.

"And you kept me here for days, without once making an appearance. I always wondered about that -"

"I couldn't let you see the marks."

"What-" Light took a calming breath and schooled his tone back into one of restraint. "Please, just say what you mean succinctly, and try to abstain from ambiguity. This is difficult enough to follow as it is."

"You tried to strangle me." L dropped the line bluntly, but it hit Light like a smack to the face. "Or should I say, Kira did."

Light blinked rapidly, a threading of panic beginning to entrench itself in the maelstrom of his chest. "No..." If that was possible... not only was he a danger to L, their agreement was a farce. He could not guarantee any sort of action or inaction if he was not even aware of himself. Missing time? Had that happened so fast that he would not have even noticed a gap in their interaction? But L had been acting strangely that day on the way back to their hotel room...

"You were interrupted by chance as two hotel employees happened by. During that time, you reverted back to yourself and had no recollection."

It was foggy, but Light was remembering something felt amiss right as they had entered the apartment. After that, he'd woken up here in a well of confusion and pain.

Compassion flickered in dark eyes. "You were knocked unconscious and were administered drugs. Your body was sore from the involuntary muscle spasms induced by the electrical current."

"You used a taser on me?"

"Yes, as I did today, but not before sustaining damage and considerable duress. I was caught off guard."

"Fuck," Light groaned under his breath, holding his head in his hands as the magnitude of the entire thing hit him. The near fetal position he now maintained was not lost on him. This was... untenable. It was only his trust in L's staunch aversion to mind games in general that made this even seem possible. He had no reason to fabricate this, nor had he the inclination to mark his body in such a way - especially when physical contact with another person would be required to make those exact bruises. His mind stuttered at the ramifications of this. L's desire to keep him alive and nearby would be severely hampered if he were exposing himself to harm at the same time.

"Light."

Light looked up, feeling his face twisted in aggrieved lines that he could not unset as it left his hands.

"You realize this is hard for me. Especially after everything that has happened."

No. No, no, no.

"I need your permission."

"No," he said hoarsely.

L's eyes bled to a semblance of their normal expressiveness. They held sorrow. "I have suffered enough at your hands. Yours and Kira's. The least you could give me is the means to protect myself."

"By assenting to my disposal?"

Surprise flickered brightly in L's eyes. "What? No. No, I could never - Well, that much is obvious as you are still here even now."

Light squashed the hope that sprang forth unbidden. Was it not as dire as all of that? "What are you asking me, then?"

"You are unaware of Kira's movements, as I have said. I want your permission that if need be, and there is no other alternative, that I may protect myself. The stun gun seems the least damaging option, and is typically easy to maintain on my person."

"Are you suggesting we continue on as we have? Are you insane?" Light wanted to smack himself. He needn't second-guess L's decision to keep him alive, that was truly insane. "Not that I am complaining...." he added hastily.

L looked at him mutely for a long moment. "Maybe I am insane," he said softly, looking away as he rose to his feet. Light thought his entire body looked tense, just one more indication of how strangely the dark-haired boy had been acting since he set foot in the room. L paused, his back turned. "I'll have to ask that you remain here a little while longer..."

Light almost tried to stand in his surprise. "What? For how long?" The bindings bit into his flesh, an unpleasant reminder of how deeply indebted to the other boy's mercy he was, and how little he could act on his own.

'Have you... changed your mind, then?' The snippet of conversation floated back to Light unbidden as he watched L's shoulders move slightly with his breath.

'No, Light, I haven't,' returned the lulling lie. The lie that led him so trustingly into betrayal. 'Come, if you want to talk, let us first retire to our room.' It was a figment of his mind that he could smell the dry, acidic odor of the taser's discharge. He was being unfair to L - he'd had no choice. Yet, he felt justified in his conviction. If L had only been honest, instead of always hiding things from him! Always deciding for himself what was pertinent, what information he would give others access to...

Light made a small noise in the back of his throat as a sudden stream of rage blurred his vision into double.

Red. Seething. Foreign.

It made his head pound as it flared.

Light doubled over as it licked around the periphery of his vision, sweat breaking out on his skin as he tried to push it back. Cold sweat. Like the sweat of sickness.

Just as suddenly as it began, it stopped.

Light blinked cautiously, tensing against the expected pain, but none came. He uncurled from his tucked position as much as his bondage would allow. Bondage... L... He looked up, but he was alone. When had the other boy taken his leave?

"He won't leave me here too long," he said quietly, tired of the echoing silence, and settled down to wait.

---

L stood frozen, back pressed against the door to Light's room, heart beating so hard it felt like it would burst from his chest. He closed his eyes in the dimness of the hallway. I guessed wrong again...

His body ached from the marks Kira had made upon him. His flesh felt raw, abused, and so tainted it would never be free of the devil's mark again. Even a glimpse of cold gold eyes, restraints notwithstanding, were enough to set him in a panic. They had the ability to bore and tear into him, to deliver palpable promises and threats with the delicate pinning of their unforgiving black pupils, to gloat over him with the gentle curve of a furtive smile.

It hadn't been a true test - not really. He'd had just wanted to see if Light perceived the original misinformation and how he might receive the amended truth. He hadn't even expected a reaction. At least, not one such as that. Light had seemed so wholly himself before. So distraught...

'I'll have to ask that you remain here a little while longer.'

'What?' Light had sounded so young. So vulnerable. 'For how long?'

'Just long enough for me to make preparations,' he'd responded to the boy behind him. Then, for no reason he could explain, his back felt exposed, the skin tight between his shoulder blades.

'What sort of preparations?' The voice was merely curious.

'I may have misled you earlier, Light. We are not in the hotel at all at this moment, so...' L turned, somewhat apologetic and completely unprepared for Kira's face to be leering up at him so powerfully from Light's bowed body, as if the corporeal could not contain him.

'More lies, Ryuuzaki,' he said sweetly, twisting the name Light always used. His eyes stripped L slowly with their intensity. 'And here I thought I'd broken you of that.'

L swallowed with difficulty, trying to blank his mind from the day's earlier events. He truly had endured much before he'd had the slightest opportunity to make a dive for the taser hidden in his jeans. He shuddered slightly, and turned an empty face to his captive.

'We come as a package deal, detective,' Kira murmured, holding his gaze. 'Where one goes, the other must follow.'

L wanted to retreat, to ignore every word that was spoken, to say any number of things in response, but he could do nothing that might imply weakness. Kira exploited weakness like he was savoring a rare delicacy. 'For now,' L replied in a deadpan voice.

'In the meantime, I'll just have to enjoy watching you struggle, never knowing when I might be the one close to you instead of him.' Kira's words rolled over his skin, slick and suffocating.

He steeled himself, showing nothing.

'Does that mask actually work on anyone, L?' Kira smiled engagingly. 'I can see you positively trembling beneath it.'

L unclenched his hands from where they rested against the door and took a bracing breath, trying to erase the echo of mocking laughter from his mind. This was becoming more complicated than he'd ever thought possible. Preserving Light was so much more than keeping him alive. His psyche had become hopelessly tangled in the face of power, and making him whole again would prove the biggest challenge he'd ever faced.

---

TBC

A/N: There will not be a sequel to this fic after its completion. (I'm 98 percent sure.) I also do not have any future plans (or plot bunnies) to write more Death Note stories. Not that I wouldn't like to, but ideas are a must.

I promised a ton of people I would write this Gaara x Naruto story I've had kicking around in my head for some time now, so that is likely my next effort. Plus, it is fun for me to write mentally unstable characters! And Gaara is most certainly that. But, we'll see what's what by the end of aBfSF.